Talk:Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
anyone know where i could find a copy of some of the scripts for these episodes?
"there is some question why he is referred to as a 'cat with a beak.' " REALLY? "Cat" is a just another way of saying "dude." I refuse to believe that it's THAT old of a reference! In any case, it's in keeping with the '60s jazz swing-style of the theme tune.
Removing Quotes 
Just a note here for future editors. Right now I am in the process of fixing formatting of the page. In the process I am also paring down some of the quotes from the episodes to better fit WQ's focus on quotes. I really like this show but many of the great moments are great visual moments and don't translate well as quotes. -- Greyed 17:36, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
Done with the reformatting for now. Some of the sections seem a tad long, esp. Phil Ken Sebben's. Most of the episodes are not bad, one or two still feel a bit long. -- Greyed 21:48, 1 January 2008 (UTC)
These quotes were removed from the article because they aren't sourced by episode.
Harvey Birdman 
- Get ready to feel the power... of attorney!
- Hmmm. It says here that if a person's not married by the time he's 35, he's got a better chance of being robbed at gunpoint by a desperate and somewhat bloated Christian Slater.
- Oh, look, I knew this might be difficult... so I stopped off at the liquor store and got a couple of magazines that I think will explain everything.
- Wow... that's a man kiss.
- Debbie, we're going to need some law books. With pictures this time.
- [explaining Race and Dr. Quest's relationship to Johnny Quest and Hadji] Your dad and Race were... buddies.
- Avenger! My personal digital assistant!
- Oh big falcon deal.
- I'll take the case!
- Not my crest! It gives me my powers... I think.
- Hmmm, I wonder what that means.
- All's fair in love and bouncy-bouncy!
- That means in the future I'm going to have sex! With a woman!
- Can't...read...my discovery notes...!
- I'll take the bet!
- Is that my executive ball clicker?
- Must Shishi poo poo.
- "The healing rays of the sun." (Black Vulan) ...In his pants!
- Where is he? Doesn't he know im trying to KILL- I mean STUN him.
- YES! [Birdman squeezes through oil covered hole, wearing no pants] BIRDMAN'S CREST ON X'S HELMET!
- Huh... (Catchphrase)
- Oy... (Second Catchphrase)
- White guy
- Oooh, sprechen Sie sexy?
- Who's feeling Peanutty?
- you're going down
- Ai papi, down... Caliente, donde esta Harvey, Harvey esta down
- Harv, he's faking it! I'm watching him scratch his nose. Look! No, he stop - look! No, there! No, he - ah! Nope, he stopped.
- Okay, oww.
- That would be eww.
- Ah. No no my friend. First taste is always free with the P to the N-U-T.
- Who rollin' with da nut?
- [Cleaning his gun] Suns don't kill people. People with suns kill people.
- [In Japanese, before destroying a car next to Phil Sebben with a bazooka.] It is considered customary in our culture, once a business deal is concluded, to blow something up. Kampai. (In English with Japanesse accent) Peanut.
- You, Me, Closet, Magic
- That your eagle?...Can I pet him?...Does he bite? (Taunting Avenger in first episode)
- For the lady a Char-mowla. And I'll of course be ordering off the menu. Oh and boy two ouzo spritzers
- [about X] It's resolved. I'm gonna moon him.
- [Taunting Avenger]] You too. Caw, caw, caw. Loosely translated: Polly want a beatin'?!
- Hows about we use the go-away powder on old Chucky here whilst Peanut and Nancy take a little magic carpet ride....Hand me that rope dear.
- Hi, I'm Peanut. You can be butter, and oh gosh, I guess you can be jelly, and, this is just off the top of my head, how about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Whaddaya say?
- Wait, wait a minute, am I the only one that sees that she's his... uhhh I'm good.
Phil Ken Sebben 
- [While taking a self-quiz] Are you a generous lover? ... I like to think I am.
- Fall you bastard! [to Birdman]
- Oh hello I didn't see you there, I was too busy counting money. Sometimes in stay up 13-14 hours a day but i still can't keep up. Ever get a paper cut from a 7,000 dollar bill? Doesn't tickle. But thats not for you to worry about. No you're just an ordinary employee who will never be burdened by huge sums of money.
- Ha ha! Not to scale.
- Ha! Ha! Duck loogey.
- And it's been brought to my attention that you're not using both sides of the toilet paper, you're wasting a ply.
- Ready or not, here I come! Ha ha... I wish.
- [On the door to his office] Phil Ken Sebben..... Ha! Ha! Ha! Boss.
- Birdman, in here get. In get here in. In... You know what I mean.
- Shave and a haircut, two ti - whoah, hold on.
- Now get out of here! I have to go back to reading everyone's emails... over the P.A. system. From: Potamus, Peter! To: Falcón, Blue! Subject: That thing I sent you! Body: Did you get that thing I sent you?
- And for everyone's safety and security, and to preserve our way of life, I'm taking a drastic step and putting up a security camera. Just one... for safety, security, and omniscient, unblinking information gathering of everyone's activities.
- You know what I say... Ghandi is dandy, but liquor is quicker! Ha ha... quicker.
- If you're not careful, you'll get us all whacked. Ha ha! Body in a woodchipper.
- While I consider myself to be a benevolent-ish dictator, I have no choice but to introduce a battery of oppressive security measures.
- Do you know what this means to the firm, the billable hours? I can finally build that lakehouse, and I'll run around naked all day. Ha ha... dangly parts.
- Ha! Ha! Multiple entendre!
- I'm Phil Ken Sebben. You may not know me, but I have 12 billion dollars here that says you'll vote me regardless.
- He's a bear, dammit! Buster Brown and his Hairy Hollyknockers! Have you ever tried to bring one down?
- Also, I've noticed a couple of you have slipped back into being able to concentrate on your work and somehow managed to control your bowels, which means I have no choice but to terrify you by ratcheting up the alert system a couple of notches to... Blackwatch Plaid! [dramatic music plays]
- Uppercut Uppercut! Jab Jab!
- I'm gonna raise the warning system from Blackwatch Plaid to the cover of Rush's seminal album, Moving Pictures.
- Who's stronger, Birdman?... the addiction or you? [with a mouthful of cigarettes]
- If it's yellow, leave it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down....mmmm...maybe.
- Tell me I'm pretty. I'm a pretty little girl... you didn't hear that.
- Ha ha! Cookies on dowels!
- Sit down. Not there! There! There! Not there! There! Ha ha... there.
- My office! Burgled! Plundered! Purloined! Ha, ha, ha... Loins.
- I'm no Fred Flintstone but I'm gonna make your bed rock!
- This man's forgotten more about pain than you'll ever remember, about pain, about forgetting, about.
- What the-? Rewind! Slo-mo! Hell-o?, and who do we have here? Enhance! Contrast! Tint! Bright! Sleep mode! Vertical hold!
- Hey lady, I need a yank! Ha ha! Dislocation.
- God I love your accent. Ha ha! Bi-curious...
- I have you in my sight ... s.
- [Looking for his keys] Let's see, gum wrapper, pocket lint, lighter... Ooo! Flamethrower! Ring of power, dunno what that is, roll of quarters... Wait, that's not a roll of... Ah! Here they are! [tries to unlock his door repeatedly, without success] Okay... All right... Here we go... Aaaand, opening. On one. Next time. Spatial relationships. Okie-doke! Come to papa! Male end, female end...
- To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub. Ha ha!... rub.
- I told you to leave 10 minutes ago. You know what? You're fired. Get out of here... No, really, you're fired, get out. Ha ha! 'Right to work' state.
- Birdman, help me pass out these coupons. Boob-job [to a girl]... boob-job [to another girl]... boob-job, nose-job, annnnd ass-job [all three to a man]... rhinoplasty [to a man]...rhinoplasty '[[to another]...hippoplasty [to Potamus].
- [Taking an eye exam] F!, U!, C!... I can't make out that next one.
- Shake hand, Kiss baby, Shake hand, kiss baby, Shake hand, Kiss hand, Shake baby, Shake baby, Kiss hand, Shake baby, Shake baby, kiss hand.
- Long, loose, and full of [sees Gigi's pregnant] juuusus H. Roosevelt! [dives for cover]
- When I die I'll go to heaven, cause I've spent my time in hell. Grenada, '83 .
- I need your trust. All of it. Slave-ish, on your feet!
- Ha, ha! Pop go the buttsy on the left-hand side! [cracks his whip]
- Well, I'm not a vet, but I do have these pliers.
- [Tranquilizer dart in his crotch] Ha ha! Numby nutkins.
- Ah bah da da bah da ba! What are you doing child? Some exotic creature could come along try to eat that, choke on it and die. Remember leave no trace behind. No beer for you that's man juice [snags beer]. Now who wants to pump my twelve gauge?
- Ha ha ha! Final episode stunt-casting!
- This is M!!!mbutu Jr. What happened was, M!!!mbutu here needed a job for his son. And you needed a paralegal/shaman.
- You don't need to whisper Birdman, he doesn't understand English.
- My God, the sex I've had, and forced others to watch.
- Form a line and tell me who missed me!
- Gentlemen, I give you the splendor of unspoiled nature! Now, forget about that and imagine a strip mall right over yonder...
- Ha ha! Surprise twist!
- Well, I'm not a trainer, but I do have this whip!
- I would like to welcome you all to the bi-annual..Ha ha ha bi!
- He laughs at that. HA HA, that.
- Ha ha! Last laugh. (last line of the series)
- Wow. That's a man kiss.
- Ha Ha! Freudian.
- EVERYONE GET IN HERE!
Myron Reducto 
- Back off! (Catchphrase)
- Put down the fizzy-gun.
- I'll make you travel size.
- I'll make you fun size.
- I'll make you teensie.
- Gah! The race war! Its started! Back off!!!
- Not fair! Not fair! [points gun] Primitive man solving everything with a gun! I will head-shrink you.
- I missed you last night. At the bar. The bar where you said you'd to meet me. That Bar. I touched a public phone to call you. And you weren't there!
- The key Birdman, are the three R's. Reduce... I forgot the other ones.
- So, Mr. Birdman, where do you fit in... full Brazilian!
- Stay in your lane, hands at ten and two ... Are you going to make a left turn or spend all afternoon indicating? Back off! Shrink gun! Your Excursion will be Expedition-Sized!
- Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Ah! My glasses! What have you done with my glasses? Don't touch me! ...Alright, touch me. [While receiving sexual pleasures.]
- Big bosoms make me nauseous.
- When I was a kid if someone brandished a shrink gun he'd get a little bit of respect!
- For the first time in my life I can't shrink something! Dat booty just too fine!
- Yes Mother, the colonic solution works splendidly. Yes, tiny peanut poo.
- [Upon seeing Inch High] What was THAT? That was a TINY MAN! [distraught] Smaller than ME!
- [singing to the tune of "I Feel Pretty"] I feel shrinky, oh so shrinky, I feel shrinky, and dinky...
- No one warned me that your feet were so... dainty. [Removes witness's shoes] Hello, little goslings.
- [as a case he is prosecuting in is dismissed] I win, I win, I win, I win, I don't lose, I win!! Oh hell.
- "Nod, nod at what I'm saying or I'll shoot!"
- [Upon realizing he cannot effectively shrink Grape Ape] Ahhh! I HAVE MET THE UNSHRINKABLE!
Mentok the Mind Taker 
- Ooo Wee Eee Ooo Weep! Eee Ooo? Weep? Eee Ooo? Alright, maybe later...
- WHY?! BECAUSE MENTOK WILLS IT SO!!! Proceed.
- To hell with mind-taking, I'm taking up lip reading.
- Nope! Too cute! Pocket Nostradamus here thinks he knows the future. Hmmm. Interesting. Because, you see, no one knows the future except me, Mentok, the Mind Taker!
- Yes! Yes! Mind taking! Stick with the kid, baby!
- For I am Mentok, the Mind Taker!
- Zombie guards, seize him! Tell me that's not fun to say.
- You wanna see some stuff I'm not supposed to show anyone?
- Hang on; Rome Air 5433, I said heading 325 southwest you disorganized Italian! Oh hell, I'll do it. (Note: 325 is actually northwest.)
- All right, whadda we got? Arbitration! That's for people who are too teeny to go to court, too teensy weeny weeny, weeny teeny.
- Looks like the squirrel's been showing everyone where he keeps his nuts.
- Time for plan bee-weeoop.
- I'm gonna bee-weeoop you silly.
- Alright, who here is from Massachusetts!? Someone here's thinking an awful lot about Nantucket.
- [reading the ticker before the words come out] Should...keep...three...days...worth...of...clean...Underwear! No, water. Water? Oh this is so predictable it's throwing me off. Hold on, I've got the remote. Beeeoooo-weep!
- [asking for a date] I already know, [aside] because I know everything! I'm MENTOK, THE MIND-TAK-- [back to her] that you're not doing anything tonight, but ... are you doing anything tonight?
- Harvey, We think you have a problem. Actually we know you have a problem. Because I'm Mentok the mind taker. Booweeoop.
- Alright let's play rock, paper, Mentok. One. Two. Shoot!, Mentok. I win get down here.
- [To police]No one takes the Mind Taker not when there are minds to Mentake!
- Alaka-Bee-weeoop! Old School.
- We don't borrow; we don't rent; we don't lease: We TAKE the mind... So in conclusion, we are?... Takers?
- You know what we call that!? MIND-TAKING, BABY! Accept NO SUBSTITUTES!
- I am Mentok, (Shado messes with his mind) THE MIND-TOKER, I mean... Mentok, (Shado messes with his mind again) THE MILF SPUNKER, oh I see... nice trick.
- Eenie, meenie, miney, MIND-SWAP!!!!
- Boo-weeoop Ooh-wee-ooop! It's the helmets, they're aluminum foil, right? I can't, that doesn't work with what I do.
- Cheeseburger, french fries, chocolate shake...somebody's mind I's about to take...
- That's Mind-Taking baby!
- I didn't feel the love! Oh, wait, wait, hold on one second...beeeeeeeee-weeeeeoooopppp...nope, no love.
Peter Potamus 
- You get that thing I sent ya? (or sencha)(catchphrase)
- Hey hey, there he is! (catchphrase)
- 'What the-?' (catchphrase)
- 'Mein Gott!' (catchphrase)
- You get that ring I sent ya? (to Gigi)
- Gigi! You look absolutely... [sees that she's pregnant] Gotta go!
- You wouldn't like me when I'm horny.
- Hey HA HA'S! [zooms to lady out the window] You're hired!
- 'Is he gone...?' (catchphrase when hiding)
- Sencha! (catchphrase)
- Now is the time to grieve...(attractive woman walks by)..and then we move on
- I got it! The problem was there is not tea in the cup.
Black Vulcan 
- ...In his pants! (Catchphrase)
- [explaining how he left the SuperFriends] They said it was some sort of budget thing. But I think it's because I complained that they were always pairin' me up with a white SuperFriend, like I was gonna start super-lootin' the minute they weren't watchin'. And you think I named myself Black Vulcan? Hell, no! I used to go by SUPER Volt, "Black Vulcan" was Aquaman's idea. And I said, well, maybe we should just call you White Fish.
- Do you take her to be your lawfully wedded wife... in your pants?
- [Girl said "Wanna go downtown for a creme soda... if you know what I mean...] I'm feeling very uncomfortable... in my pants.
Azul Falcón (Señor Antonio de Rimberra Garcia Azul Falcón) 
- Oh, you Americans and your...'logic'.
- Expensive and beautiful silk panty garments – for everyone!
- My mother's maiden name?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
- Now we make...PARTY! (Catchphrase)
- Now...we make FUNERAL!
- I am forever grateful...slash vengeful.
- Señor Birdman, would you honor me and my husband by, how you say, expectorating on me?
- Debbie: Shoyu Weenie here to see you... It's a Japanese band.
- Debbie: Your 12 O' Clock lunch client is here...for tommorow
- Dvd: Who's got efficient nipples?
- Dvd: Name change is 30 billable hours. 80 if you pad it.
- Devlin: It says right here, diagnosis: Fractured Ass!
- Apache Chief: My lap!