The Stepford Wives (2004 film)
The Stepford Wives is a 2004 American black comedy/science fiction film. The film is a remake of the 1975 film of the same name. The film was directed by Frank Oz with a screenplay by Paul Rudnick and stars Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Christopher Walken, Faith Hill and Glenn Close.
- Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of the mid-life crisis.
- [after he's de-Stepfordized] What am I wearing?
- Only one can survive.
- I asked myself, "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" [gasps] Connecticut.
- Today, we are going to discuss - well, it is probably the most important book any of us will ever read. Yes, it is provocative. But it is also inspiring: The Heritage Hills Special Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles! [wives and Roger squeal and applaud with delight] This book said to me, "Let's celebrate the birth of our lord Jesus Christ... with yarn."
- Stepford Wife: I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
- Bobbi: And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really Merry Christmas!
- Bobbi: I got you, Mace Windu and Amidala.
- Max: And Boba Fett?
- Bobbi: They were all sold out.
- Max: Aw, Mom.
- Bobbi: Here's $500.
- Mike: My real name isn't Mike, it's just a nickname from where I used to work.
- Joanna: Where?
- Mike: Microsoft.
- Ted: NASA.
- Vic: Disney.
- Stan: AOL.
- Joanna: Is that why the women are so low?
- Joanna: Bobbie! Bobbie... this isn't you...
- Bobbie: That's right, Joanna! This isn't me, it's a whole new me. I'm happy, and I'm healthy, because I understand what's important in life.
- Joanna: Yes, your new book!
- Bobbie: [starts advancing on Joanna] That's right! That's what's important, my new cookbook. And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. You need me.
- Joanna: You stay away from me!
- Bobbie: You are driven.
- Joanna: Well, sometimes...
- Bobbie: And you're selfish! You want to rule the world! I can fix you. I can change you.
- Joanna: [notices Bobbie's hand is resting upon the lit stove, yet she dosen't burn] What... have... they... done... to... you?
- Bobbie: Let's get busy!
- "Balance of Power" Host: Who makes more money?
- Tara: [buzzes] I do!
- "Balance of Power" Host: Who enters Iron Man triathalons every year and wins?
- Tara: [buzzes] I do!
- "Balance of Power" Host: Who secretly wishes they were married to a hot sexy lesbian?
- Tara, Bob: [both buzz at once] I do!
- Joanna: We're trespassing!
- Bobbie: Only if we get caught.
- Walter: She's not a robot. She never was. I couldn't do it.
- Mike: Why not?
- Walter: Because she's not a science project. Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack.
- Mike: That's a shame.
- Joanna: No, that's a man.
- Joanna: Cupcakes anyone?
- Dave: Cupcakes?! Hey, right on time. Joe, these are smokin'. [to Bobbie] Why can't you make stuff like this?
- Bobbie: Why don't you?
- Dave: Because I have a penis.
- Charmaine: Nice khakis, Walter...
- Walter: Thanks, I was experimenting...
- Charmaine: Now, I know why they call it *Banana* Republic.
- Joanna: How do I look?
- Bobbi: Can I be perfectly honest?
- Joanna: Mm-hmmmm.
- Bobbi: You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
- Joanna: I know.
- Roger: At Betty Ford.
- Walter: First of all, we are in the country now. So no more black.
- Joanna: No more black? Are you insane?
- Walter: You heard me. Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating, Manhattan career bitches wear black. Is that what you want to be?
- Joanna: Ever since I was a little girl.