I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.
You're asking me out? That's so cute! What's your name again?
I happen to like being adored, thank you.
You don't buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it.
[Punches Joey after he hurts Cameron] That's for making my date bleed. [Punches him again] That's for my sister... [Knees him to the stomach, causing Joey to collapse to the ground.] and that's for me!
Kat: I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?
Patrick: So you disappoint them from the start and then you're covered, right?
Kat: [smiles] Something like that…
Patrick: Then you screwed up.
Patrick: You never disappointed me.
Bianca: Where did you come from? Planet Loser?
Kat: As opposed to Planet Look-at-Me, Look-at-Me?
Dr. Stratford: [claps] Ok, here's how we solve this one: Old rule out. New rule: Bianca can date [Bianca smiles, Kat with a shocked face] when she does. [points at Kat]
Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
Dr. Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh I like that. And I'll get to sleep at night, the deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.
Bianca: You know, there's a difference between like and love. I mean, I like my Sketchers but I love my Prada backpack.
Chastity: But I love my Sketchers.
Bianca: That's because you don't have a Prada backpack.
Chastity: I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be 'whelmed'?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe.
Dr. Stratford: This morning I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, and you know what she said to me?
Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeezy boyfriend wear a condom"?
Dr. Stratford: Close...but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father."
Bianca: She did not!
Dr. Stratford: Well, that's what she would have said if she wasn't so doped up.
Cameron: She never wanted me. She wanted Joey the whole time.
Patrick: Cameron, do you like the girl?
Patrick: Yeah, and is she worth all this trouble?
Cameron: Well, I thought she was, but you know, I...
Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't. See first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it.
Dr. Stratford: Hello Katarina. Make anybody cry today?
Kat: Sadly no, but it's only 4:30.
Dr. Stratford: Where's your sister going?
Kat: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
Dr. Stratford: Funny. [a little curious] So, tell me about this dance, was it hoppin'?
Kat: Ugh. Parts of it.
Dr. Straford: Which parts?
Kat: [laughingly] The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy.
Dr. Straford: Bianca did what?
Kat: What's the matter, upset that I rubbed off on her?
Dr. Straford: [proud] No, impressed.
Bianca: Ah-ha! [pulls out black underwear] Black panties!
Cameron: Well, what does that tell us?
Bianca: She wants to have sex some day, that's what!
Cameron: You know she could just like the color!
Bianca: You don't buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it!
Cameron: So um... Can I see your room?
Bianca: No! A girl's room is very personal!
Kat: Argh! What is it: Asshole day? [As Joey walks away after blocking Kat's car in] Do you mind?
Joey: [smirking as he walks past] Not at all!
[Kat rams her car into the side of Joey's sports car]
Joey: You bitch!
Dr. Stratford: Whoops? My insurance does not cover PMS!
Kat: Well, then tell them I had a seizure!
Dr. Stratford: [sighs] Is this about Sarah Lawrence? Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?
Kat: Aren't you punishing me because Mom left?
Dr. Stratford: Do you think you could leave her out of it?
Kat: Fine! Then stop making my decisions for me!
Dr. Stratford: You're 18! You don't know what you want! And you won't know what you want until you're 43, and even if you get it you'll be too old to use it!
Kat: I want to go to an East Coast School! I want you to trust me to make my own choices and I want you stop trying to control my life just because you can't control yours!
Dr. Stratford: Yeah? Well I want...[pager goes off] Damn! We'll talk about Sarah Lawrence later!
Kat: Can't wait!
Bianca: [runs down the stairs with the phone in her hand] Did you just maim Joey's car?
Kat: Yeah! Looks like you're gonna have to take the bus!
Teacher: Yes, Miss "I-Have-An-Opinion-About-Everything"?
Kat: Do you want this in iambic pentameter?
Teacher: [stares at Kat] You're not going to fight me on this?
Kat: No, I think it's a really good assignment.
Teacher: [chuckles] You're just messing with me aren't you.
Kat: No, I'm really looking forward to writing it.
Teacher: Get out of my class.
Kat: [about the Prom] Who would go to that antiquated mating ritual?
Mandella: I would! But I don't have a date!
Kat: Do you really want to get all dressed up so some Drakkar Noir wearing Dexter with a boner can feel you up, all while you're forced to listen to a band that, by definition, blows?
Mandella: All right, all right, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway.
Kat: You're looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective! We're making a statement!
Mandella: [mockingly] Oh goody! Something new and different for us!
Patrick: I was in the laundromat, I saw your car and came over to say hi!
Patrick: Not much of talker are you?
Kat: Depends on the topic! My fenders don't whip me into a verbal frenzy!
Patrick: You're not afraid of me are you?
Kat: Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?
Patrick: Some people are.
Kat: Well I'm not.
Patrick: You may not be afraid of me but I'll bet you've thought of me naked, huh?
Kat: Am I that transparent? I want you, I NEED you. Oh baby, oh baby.
Chastity: Mr Stratford, it's just a party!
Mr Stratford: And hell is just a sauna.
Michael: Should you be drinking when you don't have a liver?
Patrick: [confused] What?
Michael: Never mind.
Patrick: You're right. She's still pissed.
Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force!
Patrick: Hey, man! Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.
Cameron: Look. you embarrassed the girl. Sacrifice yourself on the alter of dignity and even the score.
[Patrick walks off]
Michael: Listen. Don't say shit like that to him. People can hear you.
Mandella: Have you seen him?
Mandella: William! He asked me to meet him here!
Kat: Oh Mandella please tell me we haven't progressed onto full hallucinations!
Bianca: What are you doing here?
Chasity: Oh come on! You didn't think you were the only sophomore invited to prom! Joey just picked me up!
Bianca: Well congratulations, he's all yours!
Chasity: Very generous princess! And by the way, Joey only liked you for one thing! He even had a bet going with his friends! He was going to nail you tonight!
Patrick: None of that stuff is true.
Kat: State trooper?
Patrick: Fallacy. Uh, Dead guy in the parking lot?
Kat: Rumor. The Duck?
Patrick: Hearsay. Bobby Ridgeway's balls?
Kat: Fact. But he deserved it. He tried to grope me in the lunch line.
Patrick: Fair enough.
Kat: The accent?
Patrick: It's real. I lived in Australia until I was 10.
Kat: With the Pygmies?
Patrick: Close. With my mom.
Kat: Where were you last year? I know the porn career's a lie.
Patrick: Do you?
[Bianca punches Joey in the nose]
Joey: Shit Bianca! I'm shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!
Bianca: That's for making my date bleed, [punches him again] That's for my sister, [knees him in crotch] and that's for me!
Patrick: [while dancing] Milwaukee.
Patrick: That's where I was last year. I wasn't in jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I didn’t sleep with a Spice Girl--I don’t think. You see, my grandpa, he was ill, so I spent most of the year on his couch watching Wheel of Fortune and making Spaghettios. End of story
Kat: [laughs] No way!
Kat: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know.
Patrick: Yeah, I know. But then, you know, there's always drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.