That's great. I spend two days in bed with a guy and you get flowers.
He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, "Vodka soda". If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's some flirting, some interoffice sex, an accidental pregnancy, a shotgun wedding, and a life of bliss. How many times do we have to go over this?
What good is it being appreciated if no one is naked?
Hey, do you wanna come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from Shipping are coming and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.
Ooh, you clean up good. I might even be into you.
If it was the right thing to do, you'd feel better right now.
Kevin: Yes, I know. You kept repeating that over and over last night. "I never do this... I never do this... I never do this..."
Jane: There's gotta be one thing about weddings that you like.
Kevin: Open bar.
Kevin: [thinks for a moment] All right. So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. 'Cause even though I think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery... I don't know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I... [notices Jane giving him a weird look] What the hell are you looking at me like that for?
Jane: Are you shitting me right now?
Jane: That's my favorite part. Oh, my God. We have something in common.
Kevin: Yes. Well, statistically that was bound to happen.
[Jane pulls out a garish "Gone With the Wind" dress from her collection.]
Kevin: What is that?
Jane: [holding the dress in front of herself] Theme wedding!
Kevin: What was the theme? Humiliation?
[Kevin helps Jane practice saying "No".]
Kevin: Jane, give me fifty bucks.
Kevin: Jane, come on. It's fifty bucks. I'll pay you back.
Kevin: [takes her hand lovingly] Jane, I need you... to give me fifty bucks.
Jane: [hesitant] ...No?
Kevin: [laughs] See? That was good! [picks up Jane's drink] Jane, can I have your drink?
Tess: You won't share that information with him about me. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And you would never hurt me. I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.
Jane's Aunt: It must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!
Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor?
Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.
Jane: God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?
Casey: Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is so that some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.
Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane: Oh, that's so noble of you! Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
Kevin: Ah! So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!
Jane: You got them champagne glasses and a bottle of cristal.
George: Any way she's gonna believe it actually came from me?
Jane: Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it.
George: Nice touch.
Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.