3 South is an American animated series that aired on MTV. The show focused on two lifelong friends, Sanford and Del, and their adventures at the fictional Barder College. With the exception of their roommate Joe, nearly everyone at Barder is stupid and inept. Nonetheless, the idiotic, irresponsible, and thoughtless Sanford and Del are portrayed as the series' heroes, whereas the responsible, intelligent Joe is the de facto villain in most episodes.
- Chuck: Flunking out? I wouldn't worry about it. Could be the best thing that ever happened to you. I used to pay $3,000 a year to go here, then I flunked out. Now they pay me $3,000 a year to come here. Who do you think got the last laugh there?
- Del: Now we're gonna flunk out and my mom's gonna be disappointed in me. This is just like high school. Except I didn't flunk out. And I didn't have any pubes. And there wasn't a guy across the hall mowing his carpet.
Stomach Pump 2000
- Del: I can't believe you failed your remedial math class.
- Sanford: It's not my fault, the teacher hates me. Okay, I'll have one asparagus, and one asparagus, and one asparagus, and one asparagus. How many is that? Eleventy-blue?
- Doctor: If you followed instructions, you would have skipped those chapters and you wouldn't be behind the rest of the class.
- Joe: That doesn't make any sense.
- Doctor: Doesn't it? I mean I'm asking you, because I'm totally lost here. I took so many painkillers this morning I can't even think straight.
- Sanford: Here's a classic, what's the capital of Thailand?
My Name is Todd W.
- Todd: Will you marry me?
- Sanford's Sister: I could never marry you, you're an alcoholic!
- Todd: I'm not an alcoholic.
- Sanford's Sister: Alright, you're really ugly.
- Todd: That I can accept.
- Dean: My God! I can't believe a drunk just fell out of a window. This college is turning into Hyannisport. The students' RA is going to get the chair!
- Todd: Uh, I'm the RA.
- Dean: [to himself] You see, this is what happens when you have to hire based on quotas. Damn albino pressure groups.
Del Gets Sick
- Del's Mom: Oh, Del, my sick little boy. I brought you your favorite comic books.
- Del: [groans] But I don't like Archie. I want She-Hulk. She's large and in charge.
- Del's Mom: [bitterly] Just take it, ya freckin' idiot!
- Del: Mom, you told me when someone swears, an angel dies.
- [cuts to Joe holding a piece of bread on a stick]
- Joe: For the tenth time I'm not your mom!
- Del: Joe? [groans] What happened?
- Joe: You've been in a delirium for five days because of your dumbass friend.
- Todd: Quiet! Theres a safety announcement! Apparently someone let the dogs out, but they don't know who.
- Sanford: Homeslice. It's a cool street name, like Poop Dawg or P. Diddle or Gary. Wow, that's like the coolest name ever. Well, except for Coolie McCool, The Emperor Of Cooltown.
- Del: You mean girls go to the bathroom?
- Sanford: They pee out of their butts!
- Del: But that's where babies come out!
- Sanford: I have this penny, but I'm gonna put it on the train tracks. Then I'll sell it for TWO pennies. Then I'll just repeat the process until I have more money than Jesus!
- Dean: Barter is one step closer to being just like Yale! Now all we need is a secret society with homo-erotic hazing rituals. I mean, besides ROTC...
- Dean: [as he's trying to sleep] La-la-la-la, I can't hear that. There's no yelling. I'm in charge here!
Joe Gets Expelled
- Dean: Young man please, you're in library, people are trying to hook up.
- Del: That's the coolest poster of Jesus I ever saw. It glows just like he did.
- Sanford: But where's his flamethrower?
100 Yr. Old Man
- Sanford: Dude, look at his skin! Have you ever seen an elephants ass?
- Del: Why?
- Sanford: It's huge! Anyway, lets get back to the old guy...look at his skin!
- Del: Okay
- Dr. Heminger: Sanford and Del Report to my Doctors Office Now Go
- Dr. Heminger: what’s going on here
- Brian: Your need to you know get over it
- Sanford Reilly - voiced by Brian Dunkleman
- Del Swanson and Todd Wolfschmidtmansternowitz - voiced by Brian Posehn
- Joe Tate and Ed Bickel - voiced by Mark Hentemann
- Dean Earhart - voiced by Jeffrey Tambor
- Felicity - voiced by Lori Alan
- Cindy Reilly- voiced by Kathleen Wilhoite
- Dr. Heminger – voiced by French Stewart
- Brian - voiced by Martin Mull
- Chuck - voiced by Will Forte