7th Heaven

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7th Heaven is a U.S. television series about a minister's family living in the fictional town of Glenoak in California.


Season 1[edit]

Anything You Want [1.01][edit]

Annie: Have you ever heard "for everything there is a season"? "A time to..." uh...hmm... "a time to--" do something or other. The point is that you just have to let nature take its course. You can't hurry these things.

Eric: [about the kids] Why is it that they like your parents and not mine?
Annie: Because my parents are better.

Annie: [to Eric] You wanna talk dog with Simon or puberty with Lucy?

Eric: So you took up plumbing when we were pregnant with Simon?
Annie: No, electrical and plumbing was Mary, Simon was ethnic cooking.

Mary: [referring to kissing] The point is, I don't know where my hands go or his hands or my face or his face or his lips or my lips, and I don't want it to be awkward; couldn't you just show me so I have some experience?
Matt: Don't kiss me.
Mary: Would you stop? I'm not gonna kiss you. Ok, so do I touch his face with my hands? [Mary moves her hand toward his face]
Matt: No, look, if anybody touches face, he touches your face or maybe he doesn't; I don't know.
Mary: [moves toward Matt as if to kiss him] So I close my eyes and... [Eric sees Mary trying to kiss Matt]
Matt: Oh Dad, this isn't what it looks like.
Eric: That's a relief.

Family Secrets [1.02][edit]

Annie: [to Ruthie] Do you have Daddy's shoes honey?
Eric: You know Daddy really needs his shoes, so if you have them - [Ruthie smiles and runs away]- I'll wear my good ones. Have you seen my keys?
Annie: On the counter.
Eric: On the counter....and, uh...my wedding ring?
Annie: Bathroom sink.
Eric: Oh. Good. Now all I need to do is find the list of people that I'm supposed to visit. [Annie hands him the list] Thanks.
Annie: I don't know what you'd do without me.
Eric: [kissing her] A lot less of this.
Annie: You know what I was thinking?
Eric: That once we get Ruthie in school we can walk around naked again?
Annie: [smiling] No...
Eric: But we could. [Annie nods]

Mary: Okay let's look at the facts as we know them. Fact: He said he was going to the library.
Lucy: Fact: He never goes to the library.
Mary: Fact: He stayed out all night long.
Lucy: Fact: He was probably with a girl.
Mary: Ok... that's not a fact but it's a safe guess; let's just assume. Assumption: He spent the night with the girl.
Lucy: Assumption: He made out with her all night long.
Mary: Fact: You are way too young for me to be playing this game with you now go get ready for school.

Eric: So many questions I don't know where to start. Why don't we try "Where were you?"
Matt: I was at a friend's [house].
Eric: What friend?
Matt: Just a friend; you don't know her.
Eric: Oh it's a her? That's interesting. Have you completely lost your mind? You stupid idiot.

Simon: Now Ruthie, this is an adult conversation.

Ruthie: What are we doing?
Mary: Nothing, sleepyhead. Come here.
Ruthie: Are we in trouble?
Lucy: What makes you think somebody's in trouble?
Ruthie: Because I went down to the kitchen and Daddy just said, "Good morning".
Mary: So?
Ruthie: He usually says, "Good morning, Pumpkin!"
Lucy: He probably just forgot.
Ruthie: He always forgets when someone's in trouble.
Mary: Well, it's Matt, but you don't have to worry because it's not any real big trouble.
Ruthie: I think it is.

Simon: Well, Matt I've been thinking...
Matt: Well, don't do that; you might hurt yourself.

Eric: I've got three daughters myself.
Mr. Nicholson: Yeah, any of them pregnant? [slams the door in his face]

In the Blink of an Eye [1.03][edit]

Lucy: You remember my dad?
Jimmy: Oh yeah, the God guy.
Eric: Yeah, I see how you charmed my daughter.

Matt: I'm sorry, Dad. I'm a total screw-up.
Eric: Not total. [lovingly embraces Matt]

Matt: I'm a total idiot.
Grandma Jenny: Hey, that's my grandson you're talking about! And he's not an idiot. He's just a 16-year-old kid trying to make his way in the world.
Matt: How long will that take?
Grandma Jenny: Well, if he's anything like his grandmother it may take fifty or sixty years.

Ruthie: Do you guys need anything? It's not 5:00 yet.
Mary: So?
Ruthie: Simon says I'm responsible for everything before 5:00.
Mary: Yeah, well, go tell Simon nice try, but you're not his personal valet.
Ruthie: Okay!

[Later that day]

Simon: That's it, pack it up sister, you're out of here!
Ruthie: No, I'm not your personal ballet!

Annie: When did you start drinking wine?
Charles and Jenny: Yesterday.

Matt: [to a cop] No officer, I wasn't drinking.
Cop: Well, that's an interesting cologne you're wearing. Step outside.

Eric: So what are you and Jeff doing tonight? [Mary stares at him] That's right, I'm prying. It's my job, my duty, my life.
Mary: Oh I don't know. We really don't have any plans, we might just drop by a party or something.
Eric: Whose party?
Annie: Have we met these people?
Mary: I don't think so.
Eric: Is it just for older kids?
Mary: I don't know.
Annie: Is alcohol allowed?
Eric: Will the parents be home?
Mary: I'm not sure, it's just a party. It's not like the guy throwing it handed out his biography.
Eric: That would be autobiography and if he had you might have had a shot at going.
Mary: Dad!
Eric: Sorry kiddo, not gonna happen.
Mary: What am I supposed to tell Jeff?
Annie: The truth. That we said no.
Eric: He knows who your parents are.
Mary: Yeah, the people trying to ruin my life! [stomps off]
Eric: Not only trying, but sometimes succeeding.

Jenny: [in Annie's dream] I love you Annie, but I have to go now.
Annie: Mom? [goes into hallway]
Charles: I'm sorry Annie, she's passed on. She's gone. [Annie sobs into Charles's chest; Eric holds her]

No Funerals and a Wedding [1.04][edit]

Eric: Alone at last!
Annie: Worth the wait!
Eric: I'm glad to hear you say that!

Eric: [At Steve and Susan's wedding] You may now - [Steve and Susan start kissing] - continue kissing the bride.

Ruthie: Mommy? Can we sing Grandma's song now?
Annie: Yes, sweetie. Tell you what. We'll go upstairs, we'll wash our faces, we'll get into our jammies, and I'll sing you Grandma's song.

Annie: Did Renee have her baby?
Matt: Yeah, she had a little girl.
Simon: Cool.
Matt: Oh, and get this, Mom. You'll love this. She named the baby after Grandma.
Simon: She named the baby "Grandma"?
Matt: Her name was Jenny, Simon.
Simon: Oh. I had no idea.

Steve: I'm a tortured man because... I'm a bigamist!
Eric: Well, I have good news. She can't divorce you; you're not legally married.

Eric: Hey, Luce, have you seen your mom?
Lucy: [shakes her head] Not lately.
Eric: [walking over to Lucy sitting down in the hallway] Hey, how's my little girl?
Lucy: Not so good.

Simon: [just waking up] Hey, where's Grandpa?
Eric: I'm sorry Simon but...he's gone.
Simon: Wow, him too?
Eric: No, to Phoenix, Simon. He went back to Phoenix.
Simon: [chuckling] Oh. I thought you meant-
Matt: Come on Simon, let's go.

Annie: Simon, honey, we've talked about Heaven, remember? It's a place where good people go where they're surrounded by so much love.
Simon: Yeah, but I need to know where that is, Mom.
Annie: Oh. Well, it's... it's up there.
Simon: I was hoping you'd be a little more specific than that.

Mrs. Morgan: Where's your father? He's all right, isn't he?
Annie: Oh... um... yes, he is, he just... ah...
Simon: Don't worry, he's not dead, he just went back to Phoenix!

Ruthie: Mommy, are you always going to be here?
Annie: What do you mean?
Ruthie: Are you going to pass away like Grandma?
Annie: Someday I will. But not for a very long time, so you shouldn't worry, ok?
Ruthie: Ok.
Annie: And I can promise you this. As long as I am here, no matter how old you get, you will always be able to count on me. I will always be there for you no matter what.
Charles: [walks in] Annie?
Annie: Daddy!
Charles: Oh Annie, I wish I had lived up to that same promise you just made to Ruthie.
Annie: We can help each other get through this.

Mary: You know Mom? Sometimes when I'm really mad at Daddy... too mad to see him or talk to him... he gets right in my face and makes me tell him what's wrong! It drives me nuts, but I feel better after.
Annie: Mary, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't act so mature while I'm trying desperately to feel sorry for myself.

Lucy: It's not fair. Grandma should be here. It's like there's a party and she wasn't invited.
Eric: Luce, I know it's weird having all these people here, and all this food, but... it's not really a party. It's just people who cared about your grandma and your mom, who are trying to-
Lucy: I don't mean today, Daddy. I mean life. It's going on without her. It just isn't fair.

Annie: I can't believe Daddy.
Eric: He's still in shock. He's not himself.
Annie: No. Unfortunately, he's exactly himself.

Simon: Nobody seems to know where you go when you die.
Ruthie: I know where.
Simon: You don't either.
Ruthie: Uh-huh!
Simon: Fine, where?
Ruthie: I don't know the name, but I know it's where I was before I was born.
Simon: You were in Mommy's stomach before you were born.
Ruthie: No, before that.
Simon: I don't know where that is. I can't picture Grandma there.
Ruthie: Picture Grandma right here, in your heart.

Matt: [about Simon and Ruthie] The munchkins are still conked.
Annie: Oh good, the poor things must be exhausted!
Lucy: So am I!
Mary: Me too. I feel like I could sleep for a week!
Eric: I think it's been a rough time for us all.
Grandpa Charles: [cheerfully] Don't worry, it's all gonna be ok!
Eric: Wouldn't this work better if I were consoling you?

The Color of God [1.05][edit]

Nigel Hamilton: Please God, stop the fires.

Mary: Goodnight Keesha, goodnight Lucy.
Lucy: Good night Mary, goodnight Keesha
Keesha: [laughing] This is just like being at the Waltons!
Lucy: Yeah except the Waltons weren't-
Mary & Keesha: Black? Yeah, we know.

Matt: [to John] Parents! Can't live with 'em, can't live with out 'em.

Morgan: [to the Congregation] We cannot fight hate with hate. What are we teaching our children today that will make things better tomorrow?

Ruthie: Why do you think they burned your church?
Lynn: I guess because they didn't want us to have a place to talk to God.
Ruthie: Oh.

Nigel: Forget it, Simon. You can't fight ignorance with violence. My dad wouldn't want you to hit him and neither would yours.

Halloween [1.06][edit]

Lucy: [to her family] Daddy hates Halloween.

Ruthie: Daddy, are you bigger than the bad Man?
Eric: Ruthie, I'm bigger, I'm stronger... and I work for God.
Ruthie: Yeah!

Annie: [to Mary about Ruthie who is asleep] Poor thing! She must be exhausted from torturing me.

Saturday [1.07][edit]

Lucy: I've got some good news and bad news.
Ashley: I'm Ashley. I don't get bad news.

Simon: Dad just goofed up, that's all.
Ruthie: Daddy doesn't goof up!

Matt: Mary's a team player. She has basketball to fit in. Simon already knows who he is, and Ruthie's five.
Eric: You forgot Lucy.
Matt: No I didn't. She's the one you need to worry about.
Eric: Why's that?
Matt: Well, because she always feels left out.

Eric: Hey, what punishment can I give Simon and Ruthie for wandering off the way they did?
Matt: Hmm... that's a tough one. Ruthie's so cute.
Eric: Yeah. She reminds me so much of your mother. And Simon's so funny, it's hard to be mad at funny.
Matt: You know, maybe you could not let them out of the house for a week.
Annie: Nice try not unless one of you wants to be locked up with them.

Ruthie: You forgot our punishment, Daddy.
Simon: [to himself] Unbelievable.

Simon: [in response to Eric and Annie kissing] How come you guys get to do that while we have to clean the bathroom?
Eric: This is my reward for cutting the grass.
Simon: Well, what do we get?
Annie: You get to live here for free.

What Will People Say? [1.08][edit]

Annie: Men who abuse women are such cowards!

Eric: What can I do for you?
Jake: Let me get straight to the point. I heard that you and my wife are having an affair.
Eric: Yeah, I've heard those stories, but I don't believe any of them.

Jake: She'll never press charges against me. Never.
Eric: Where the hell have you been, Jake? This is 1996! Your wife doesn't have to press charges, she has two broken ribs. That's enough for the police; they'll press the charges.

Jake: [about his wife] You can't keep me away from her. I'll follow her to New York, you know.
Eric: I really wish you would, because I have a friend who's a judge there, and a couple other friends who work outside the system. You know the kind I mean? Bad people who've turned good but occasionally slip up? I'm sure they'll be glad to show you around New York.

[Simon sniffs Gabrielle's hair]
Lunch lady: What are you going to have sonny, peas or corn? [Simon continues smelling Gabrielle's hair] I said "peas or corn?"
Simon: I will have whatever she is having.
Gabrielle: Corn.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil [1.09][edit]

Simon: [to Annie] Weeks ago, I said Ruthie shouldn't move in with me, but did anybody listen? No. And what happens when nobody listens? [pulls up his shirt to reveal chicken pox] Someone gets hurt!

Matt: I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think.
Eric: Those are all normal feelings and reactions.
Matt: Not for Mom. She's been so calm about everything, and I just sat there while that piece of junk took all our stuff.
Eric: What do you think you should have done?
Matt: I don't know. Something. Anything but just sitting there and letting some guy rip off Mom's wedding ring.
Eric: You can't blame yourself. Whatever you did, it was perfect. It was perfect because it got you and Mom home safely. And it was just a ring. It wasn't our marriage.

Annie: And tell Eric I'm fine.
Patrica: I have no idea of what you're talking about.
Annie: [smiling] How long is Eric planning to work this afternoon?
Patrica: He'll be done by 6:00.
Annie: You wanna call him from here?
Patrica: No, I'll wait until I get home, so he'll think his plan worked.

Matt: I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't pull it together.
Eric: Matt, last night, a man held a gun to your head and threatened your life. Now it would be nearly impossible for anyone to just pull it together.

Annie: I just keep thinking about what would have happened if just one thing had been different... if a gust of wind had suddenly kicked up, or a leaf had fallen on his shoulder, that man could have killed my son.
Eric: You can't think about what could have been, you have to think about what is. You're ok, and Matt's ok, and God was watching out for you both that night; and you have to have faith that He always will.
Annie: I know. You're right. I know you're right. I just don't know how to stop being afraid.

The Last Call for Aunt Julie [1.10][edit]

Simon: Aunt Julie, you're hurting me!
Julie: Shut up and give me the key to the liquor cabinet!
Annie: [runs in the room and pulls her away] Get your hands off of him! Don't you ever touch my children!
Julie: Annie! Oh, God. Oh, God!
Annie: Get out of this house now!

Julie: [while drunk] I didn't mean to hurt Simon.
Annie: You did hurt Simon!
Julie: But I didn't mean to! I love him!

Matt: You know, Mom, isn't this a time where Aunt Julie really needs her family to be there for her, to help her through this?
Annie: I understand what you're saying, Matt. But I can't have you and your siblings put in danger. I won't allow it.

Ruthie: Is Aunt Julie going to die like Grandma?
Matt: Well, I hope not, but it's up to God to decide when somebody dies.
Ruthie: God sure has a hard job.

Annie: Why do you have to do this yourself?
Eric: Because I don't think she can get through this with anyone else, and I don't want to lose her.
Annie: Fine. But no matter what happens, those kids are my first priority. So you're on your own.

Eric: Come on, Julie, we're going home.
Jack: Who are you, the world's oldest Boy Scout? The lady doesn't want to go yet.
Julie: That's right, Jack. You tell him!
Eric: [to Jack] I'm the last person you want to mess with right now. I'm taking my sister out of here, and if you don't get your hand off of me, I swear I will beat you to it.

Eric: [about keeping Julie at their house to detox] Why won't you let me do this?
Annie: Five reasons! Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon and Ruthie!

Julie: [to Simon] I've found a place that will help me get better, and I will. Because every time I think about having a drink, I'll remember how it made me so sick that I hurt my nephew, whom I love very, very much.

Now You See Me [1.11][edit]

Matt: You ready?
Lucy: Listen, Matt, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I don't stand a chance.
Matt: What are you talking about? Everything you have to do, you did with me.
Lucy: Yeah, sure, I can do all the technical stuff, but that's not the problem.
Matt: What is it, Luce? Tell me.
Lucy: I'm not pretty enough to be a cheerleader. My head's too big, and my legs are too skinny.
[Matt drags Lucy into the bathroom, in front of the mirror]
Matt: Look at yourself. Lucy, you're beautiful. More beautiful than any cheerleader I've ever seen.
Lucy: You think?
Matt: I know.
Lucy: [smiles] Even if I don't make cheerleader, it was worth it just for this.

Eric: [watching Lucy at cheerleading tryouts] Am I just being a father here, or is she really good?
Annie: She's really good!
Mary: I gotta admit, Matt, this is pretty cool. How'd you pull it off?
Matt: All I did was give her some confidence, same as I did with you.

Eric: Home is the place where when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

With a Little Help From My Friends [1.12][edit]

Simon: Can I have coffee?
Annie: No, what's wrong?
Simon: I'm a new father, that's what's wrong. I got absolutely no sleep last night. Me and Ruthie were suposed to take turns with the feedings, but I couldn't get Ruthie up!
Annie: Why would you have to get up for feedings?
Simon: Well, every time the puppies ate, we fed Happy, so she wouldn't run out of milk!

Lucy: [after being surprised with a party] I didn't deserve this. Thanks.
Mary: You're right, and you're welcome.
Matt: Don't listen to her, Luce, you deserve the best.

America's Most Wanted [1.13][edit]

Ruthie: Forget about the book. I have to learn "The Star Stapled Banner"!
Simon: It's called "The Star Spangled Banner", and you'll learn it in school.

Simon: "Oh, say can you see..."
Ruthie: Who's Jose? Jose, can you see?

Matt: Mary and I would like to go to dinner with John and Keisha tonight if that's ok. We'll be home early.
Eric: Well, what's the occasion?
Matt: No reason. We just haven't seen John and Keshia for a while, and we thought we'd grab a burger together. That's all.
Eric: Where?
Matt: The Varsity.
Annie: [to Eric] He's now covered who, what, when, where, and why.

Eric: What's this?
Matt: That's a glass.
Eric: Did you buy it at the Varsity?
Matt: No. I didn't buy it.
Eric: Did you take it without paying for it?
Matt: Dad, everyone takes something from the Varsity. It's like a school ritual.
Eric: It's like stealing. No, it is stealing.

Eric: [to the manager of the Varsity] I'm Eric Camden. I'm Matt's father.
Manager: I'm not dropping the charges.
Eric: Just hear me out first.
Manager: Ok, but I'm not dropping the charges.
Eric: My son knows he was wrong. That's why he apologized. Matt's learned his lesson.
Manager: That's not the problem. The problem is that the rest of those kids haven't learned anything. I lose thousands of dollars every year. If I raise the prices of food to cover the losses, I have no customers. Kids shouldn't steal, and they should learn that if they do, there are consequences. If I let Matt off the hook, they'll think they can get away with anything.
Eric: This isn't about all those other kids. They didn't come in here and apologize to you. This is about my boy. He tried to do the right thing, and he's getting punished for it. What kind of message is that?
Manager: It says there are consequences if you break the law. That's a message I'd like to get out. You got a problem with that?
Eric: Yeah, I do. Isn't the law supposed to be about justice and mercy as well as punishment?
Manager: I guess we'll find out tomorrow in court, won't we?

Ruthie: [singing] "Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the..." Hmm, hmm, hmm. "fight..."
Simon: It's "perilous fight."
Ruthie: What does perilous mean?
Simon: It means dangerous.
Ruthie: Then why don't they just say that?
Simon: Because that's how they talked in the olden days.
Ruthie: Why?
Simon: I don't know why. I just want to get some sleep.
Ruthie: [pauses, starts singing again] "Through the dangerous fight..."
Simon: You can't change the words. It's our national anthem!
Ruthie: But nobody understands it!
Simon: It's not meant to be understood. It's like opera.
Ruthie: I understand Oprah. I watch her on TV!

Simon: [to Ruthie] No, "hailed" is not a bad word, and neither is "hell" unless you say something like "Go to hell!"
Eric: [walks in] What did you say?!
Simon: Oh, um. I was just trying to explain that "hell" is not a bad word. It's just how you use it, like if you say something like "There's a heaven and a hell", that would be ok, right?
Eric: Yes, that would be ok, but that's not what I heard you say.

Seven Is Enough [1.14][edit]

Annie: [about George] So you want him?
Eric: I don't know. We did always say we'd adopt after Mary.
Annie: Then after Lucy.
Eric: Then after Simon.
Annie: And now it's after Ruthie.
Eric: We'd be crazy to even consider it, I guess. Right?
Annie: We are crazy. We'll talk to the kids and George tomorrow.

Eric: [when he and Annie want to adopt George] I don't see where your opinion fits into this.
Colonel: That's wonderful. You're dreaming again. Who's gonna pay for the kid? The adoption? The court costs? And let's not even get into how you're going to send him to college, or any of your other five, for that matter.
Eric: They'll get to college the same way I did, Dad. They'll get jobs.
Colonel: You still resent me for not paying your way.
Eric: I don't still resent you. I never resented you for that.
Colonel: Yes, you did then, and you still do. But you and your sister needed to learn that you have to work for the things that are important.
Eric: I know that, Dad. I get it.
Colonel: Yeah, you get it because we taught you the value of hard work and discipline!
Eric: And I'm happy to credit you accordingly!
Ruth: We just thought you might already have your hands full.

Eric: [when his parents say they're going to adopt George] George is not your average kid. He's had a tough life. The adoption itself is gonna be hard on him. He's gonna need a lot of love and support.
Colonel: And you have a corner on that market?
Eric: No, of course not, but support of any kind isn't one of your strong suits.
Ruth: That's not true.
Eric: Do you ever remember holding me or Julie when we were upset? Did you ever allow us to express any of our feelings?
Colonel: If you're asking me if we wiped your noses and held your hands, then the answer is no. No, we were too busy keeping a roof over your heads and food on the table!
Eric: Well, there's more to parenting than that, Dad.
Colonel: Oh, and what does that mean?
Eric: It means that you are not the parents for George.

George: [to the Camdens] Why can't you adopt me? I'll be good, and I'll stay out of your way. You won't even know I'm there!
Colonel: George, listen to me. Eric is smart about these things. He knows what's right. He's a good man, a smart man, and if you're lucky, you'll grow up to be like him. Anyway, why would you want to live with a couple of old war horses like us? You've got a whole house full of great kids right here.
George: They're all dreamers.
Ruth: There's nothing wrong with a little dreaming.
Colonel: No. It's time you settled down and started a little dreaming of your own.
George: I already did. My dream was to be with you.

Happy's Valentine [1.15][edit]

Annie: That was Patricia. She and Morgan were wondering if we'd like to drive up to Stedmond Caves tonight and go camping!
Simon and Ruthie: Yes!
Annie: No. No. Just me and your dad.
Eric: And what, we'll put the kids in a kennel?
Annie: No. They can stay here with the Hamilton kids.
Eric: And who's gonna babysit?
Matt: Not me.
Eric: No, of course not. Who would keep an eye on you?
Matt: I'm 17.
Eric: Exactly.

[As the Hamilton kids are coming in]
Annie: Hey, you know, don't stay up too late and um... don't eat too much junk food and have a good time!
Matt: How are they gonna have a good time if they can't eat junk food and can't stay up late?

Ruthie: Mommy, do we have to give the puppies away?
Annie: Yes, honey it's time. And they have a good home to go to.
Ruthie: We have a good home too.
Annie: Yes, but I think they starting to get so big that they are getting in Happy's way.
Ruthie: I get in your way, and you still keep me around.
Annie: Ah. It's not the same, sweetheart. It would be like you living here when you are 30.
Ruthie: I have to live somewhere else when I'm 30?
Annie: You'll probably want to live somewhere else when you're 30.
Ruthie: Yeah! Maybe even when I'm 7 or maybe 8.

Brave New World [1.16][edit]

Simon: [as he is preparing Ruthie for the first day of school] A lot of kids cry when their moms drop them off on the first day of pre-kindergarten. Don't do that. Once inside the classroom, you'll probably do some counting. Beads, Cheerios, or something. Don't eat them, whatever they are. Then you'll probably color, glue, maybe cut. Don't get regular scissors. They'll only tear if you're a leftie, which you are.
Ruthie: [holds up her thumb] Right.
Simon: Your other right. Don't worry. After that, you're pretty much in the home stretch. Then you'll take a nap, you'll have a snack. Stay away if it's coconut, and then Mom will come to pick you up. Oh, yeah, and never, ever pick anything. It will come back to haunt you.
Ruthie: No crying, no coconut, no picking. Got it.
Simon: Good. I'm glad we had this little talk. Welcome to the big leagues.

Annie: I hate to interrupt this seminar, but one of us has a very big day tomorrow.
Simon: No kidding! My day is completely booked. School, lunch, recess, more school, Happy, and then homework. Where does the time go?
Annie: I have no idea, Simon.

Lucy: You know, when I called you last night, your mom said you weren't back from my house yet.
Suzanne: Maybe she didn't hear me come in.
Lucy: I guess.
Suzanne: You know, it's a big house, and my mom's kind of a flake. You do the math.

Annie: [to Ruthie] What's the matter, honey? Not too hungry today, huh?
Simon: Opening day jitters, Mom. [to Ruthie] Listen, eat something light. A little toast, maybe. Throwing up at school is just as bad as crying.
Eric: Simon.
Simon: What? I'm just giving Ruthie the benefit of my experience. I mean, come on, let's face it. It has been a while since you or Mom were at school.
[Simon leaves]
Annie: Honey, it's gonna be okay. You know the teacher, and she's really, really nice, and you're gonna make lots of friends.
Ruthie: Fine. I just don't like this cereal.

Ruthie: Talk to the hand.
Simon: What?
Ruthie: Talk to the hand 'cause the ears ain't listening.
Simon: Where did you learn that?
Ruthie: From my new friend Skyler. He's a superhero.

Annie: [to Ruthie] Honey, I thought you liked going to school.
Ruthie: I like peanut butter, but I don't want it every day. If I had known pre-kindergarten was every day, I would never have signed up for it. This is all your fault!
[punches Simon in the arm]
Annie: Ruthie Camden! Where did you learn to do something like that?
Ruthie: School, and I'm never going back, ever!

Eric: So your sister shoved a guy's head in the toilet?
Matt: Up to the collar. You would have been proud.

Michael: [after Mary dunks his head in a toilet] I want to file assault charges.
Principal: Fine. And Mary, I assume you'll want to file sexual harassment charges?
[Long silence; Michael looks baffled]
Principal: What did you think that was? Messing around? Joking? Having fun? It's not. It's sexual harassment.
Mr. Towner: You know, I'm not the least bit surprised that you feel this way.
Principal: Mr. Towner, I know you'd like to believe that this is about "sisterhood" when actually, it's a matter of right and wrong. You see, your belief is incorrect, and holding fast to it at this point really isn't going to help anyone, including your son. So, Mary, how do you want to handle this?
Mary: [pauses] It's over. I just want to let it go.
Principal: Really? I'm not inclined to be as generous as you are. [to Michael] You talk trash, you write trash, and you dare to snap this woman's bra strap? At the very least, your head is gonna wind up in a toilet! You harass one more human being in this building, and you will find that you have no friends here. Got it?
Michael: Yes.
Principal: Good. Now go spread the word. I know you're good at that.

Eric: [to Mary] There's always going to be somebody who'll try to take your dignity and self-esteem. Just never let them take your voice.

Choices [1.17][edit]

Matt: You gotta trust me on this, 'cause when it comes to this kind of stuff, guys don't think like girls.
Mary: I know. I'm sorry.
Matt: Where'd you get that dress?
Mary: [crying] I stole it. I didn't think it was a big deal!
Matt: So you put it on and went to a fraternity party?
Mary: I know, it was stupid. I'm sorry.
Matt: It's OK. But you should know: From now on I'll be watching you like a fox/hawk.

[Simon and Ruthie find a $50 bill on the sidewalk]
Ruthie: Maybe we should give it back.
Simon: To who? The sidewalk?

Ruthie: How about a little tiny goldfish? They won't be no trouble.
Annie: "Any".
Ruthie: Any what?
Annie: A goldfish won't be any trouble.
Ruthie: I know. So can I have one?

Faith, Hope, and the Bottom Line [1.18][edit]

Simon: Well, I know my phone number when someone asks for it.
Ruthie: And still no one calls.

Eric: I just can't go for a security system over a person.
Lou: And that's what makes you a caring, compassionate minister... and a lousy businessman.

It's About George... [1.19][edit]

Colonel: Hello.
Jimmy: Hey.
Grandma Ruth: "Hey" is for horses. Are you a farmer, Mr. Moon?
Jimmy: No.
Colonel: Do you know who I am?
Jimmy: Lucy's grandfather?
Colonel: I am Colonel John Camden, United States Marines!

Julie: I don't think I can do this.
Matt: That's what you need: A warm relationship with your father.

Say Good-bye [1.20][edit]

Mary: How about this dress?
Lucy: Sure. Whatever. You'll look great.
Mary: Or maybe I could just shave my head?
Lucy: Sure. Whatever. You'll look great.

Dangerous Liaisons (1) [1.21][edit]

Eric: Honey, I think you need to sit down now and try to relax.
Annie: Bite me!
Eric: "Bite me"?!

Eric: [praying] We thank you for this food, Lord, and... any other help you could pass our way about now would be greatly appreciated, with an eye toward peace and harmony. Amen.

Annie: [on the phone with hotel receptionist] Ginger... somebody. What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? How many "Ginger"'s do you have there? Is there a "Ginger" convention in town or something?

Simon: [to Matt] When you see Lucy, tell her she never looked better or I'm a dead man!

Matt: Wow! What did you do to make your hair look so blonde and... um... beautiful?
Lucy: I'm trying to figure out if you're lying, and if I think you are, I will be killing Simon tonight!

Dangerous Liaisons (2) [1.22][edit]

Matt: Great. Even with Mary in the hospital, Dad still finds a way to teach me a lesson.
Simon: Well, you've kind of got to admire him for that.

Eric: Your hair looks nice, Luce.
Lucy: Nice or sexy?
Eric: Uh... nice. Definitely nice. If my 13-year-old daughter had sexy hair, I'd shave her head.

Season 2[edit]

Don't Take My Love Away [2.01][edit]

Annie: [to Simon] Doing something for your sister out of love is far more important than doing something for me out of guilt.

Ruthie: The old lady that left this house to the church died in this attic. Matt told me.
Annie: The lady that left the house to the church died in Florida in a senior home.

Simon: You missed a great chick fight!

Ruthie: Can I wear a tuxedo too?
Annie: I'll think about it
Ruthie: What's a tuxedo?

See You in September [2.02][edit]

Sergeant Michaels: [to Eric] Hey, Reverend.
Eric: Hey, Sergeant.
Sergeant Michaels: Your kids' school have been trying to reach you. I guess your beeper's off.
Eric: [looks for his beeper in his pockets] I don't even have my beeper.
Annie: Which school? Which kid?
Sergeant Michaels: All three schools, all five kids.

Teacher: No hats in school, Ruth.
Ruthie: My name is Ruthie. Ruthie Camden.
Teacher: Why don't we call you by your proper name, Ruth?
Ruthie: Ruthie is my proper name. It's the name my Mommy and Daddy gave me. And that's the hat they gave me!

Mrs. Rainy: [to Ruthie not listening to her about taking off her hat] Ok, Ruth, time out.
Lynn: Can I have a time-out too?
Mrs. Rainy: Ok, time out for you too.

Lucy: You'd think that having dad as a minister, God wouldn't hate me so much.

Principal Russell: [when Matt, Mary, and Lucy are in her office] Ok, I'll give the family rate, one day suspension each.

Who Knew? [2.03][edit]

Eric: [about the joint he found in the house] I just.... I know it's Matt's.
Annie: If it isn't, and if you accuse Matt of something this serious, who knows what will happen. I don't think your relationship with Matt can afford to withstand any false accusations.

Annie: If you're doing drugs, Matt, I want you to stop. If anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself.
Matt: Sounds like I'm already guilty.

Eric: What were you thinking?! It's bad enough you're smoking dope, but then you had to bring it in here where someone else could find it. What if one of the younger kids had found it first?
Matt: I didn't think...
Eric: That's just it, you didn't think, because if you thought of anyone besides yourself, you'd know that the look you just saw on Simon's face was the look of a boy who has lost all respect for his older brother!

Matt: That's not why!
Eric: I'm not finished! Just answer me one thing, it will help me sleep better. Just tell me you wanted to get caught? Because you couldn't have possibly expected to get away with this. Or better yet, tell me why anyone could be so stupid as to do drugs in the first place!?
Matt: I don't know, Dad! Why don't you ask Mom? Maybe she can tell you!
Eric: Don't you dare bring your mother into this. Apologize right now! [Someone honks a car horn outside, waiting for Matt] Oh, you're not going anywhere.
Matt: Well, I'm not staying here. [leaves]

Ruthie: [to Simon] Why are you so mad, and why is Daddy shouting?
Simon: Because our big brother is a jerk, and a major loser.
Ruthie: But I don't understand. I love Matt and he loves me.
Simon: I'll explain when you get a little older. Just go to sleep.

Lucy: I don't know if things will ever be the same between Dad and Matt. Or even Mom and Matt.
Mary: Yeah, I mean, I don't see how they could be. It's like Wilson said. It's one of those mistakes that you can't take back.

Eric: I can't believe you told Matt you did drugs.
Annie: I thought it might be useful! I thought you understood I was going to tell him!
Eric: I was never under that impression. We don't have to share everything with our kids! We don't share our sex lives with them!
Annie: I'm sorry! I thought maybe Matt wouldn't feel so far away from us if I told him! I had no idea he would throw it back in my face.
Eric: Well, that was another issue entirely. He shouldn't have done that.
Annie: Oh, I didn't think it would turn out this way. [starts crying] I'm just so disappointed.

Wilson: Some mistakes are like jumping out of a plane. Once you do it, you can't take it back.

Says Who? [2.04][edit]

Mrs. Bink: [yelling at Eric] You call yourself a minister?! [slams the door in Eric's face]

Mrs. Hinkle: Do you think some stranger could hurt me worse than my own children trying to scare me out of my house so they can pay off their credit cards and travel? I think I'd rather take my chances with the stranger. It would be less painful and frankly, a lot less embarrassing. You're lucky I'm not carrying my pepper spray.
Mrs. Bink: Oh, I've got mine. [starts digging in her purse]
Eric: Ah, no, I don't think we'll need that.

Matt: What's going on?
Annie: Well, dinner's almost ready, the trash needs to go out, and your brother is shrinking.

Ruthie: [to Simon] You need to see a doctor.
Simon: I am shrinking. For real.

Annie: So what did the doctor say?
Matt: Well, Simon's not the same height he was this time last year.
Simon: I'm and inch taller and I'm broader around the chest, but I'm not surprised. I work out.
Annie: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah.

Lucy: I could never be bulimic like Shelby. I just don't have the self-discipline to make myself throw up.
Mary: You know, this conversation wouldn't annoy me so much if we actually knew Shelby was bulimic, but we don't, and you and this conversation have both crossed the line from "annoying" into the land of "I'm going to have to kill you if you don't shut up."

Lucy: You know sometimes, word of mouth gets around because it's true.
Mary: And sometimes word of mouth gets around because there are a lot of mouths. I don't believe everything I hear. You should give it a try sometime.
Lucy: Like I don't.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do [2.05][edit]

Ruthie: I had no idea kissing was such a big deal.
Lucy: Well, let me tell you something, sister, it is!

Eric: [to Matt] I couldn't let you spend three days on a bus with a broken heart. Let's go home.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun [2.06][edit]

Lucy: Mom...
Annie: I'm still a little angry.
Lucy: I know, but why? All I was trying to do was express my unique personality--a personality which, I might add, I'm not allowed to express at home.
Annie: First of all, it didn't appear to me that you were expressing any unique personality at all, because you and your friends were expressing the exact same unique personality! So maybe you should look up what the word "unique" means, because judging from what I've seen, it's not very clear to you!

Karen: My friends are there for me, they make me strong, they protect me.
Annie: Oh, really? The same friends who will rape you and beat you for drugs and money?
Karen: You are so out there! My friends would never betray me. And I can handle whatever it is I have to handle.
Annie: Well, it's good you're that strong, because this is going to take all the strength you have.

Ruthie: When's eventually?
Mary: Sometime in the future, but you're not sure when.
Ruthie: Is it for sure?
Mary: What?
Ruthie: Eventually?

Joe: We don't search our kids' rooms.
Eric: I don't search mine, either, but I can't be with them every minute. I've got to tell you, I don't always know what they're doing when I'm not around, and the possibilities and getting more and more frightening.

Joan: [to Karen] How can you do this? How? I work. Your father works two jobs, all so we can live in a safe neighborhood, so our kids will be safe! And all the time, the drugs, the violence, and the weapons were in our house? In our house?
Joe: And you brought them in.
Joan: We have to protect Stan. No wonder he isn't sleeping. I'll take him to my mom's. He'll be safe there.
Karen: No, you don't have to!
Joe: I'll see if I can get a transfer. Maybe we can move.
Karen: No! Why are you doing this?
Joe: Haven't you heard? Our daughter is in a gang! There are weapons in our son's bed! He is in serious danger! We all are!

Do Something [2.07][edit]

Eric: Matt, if something had happened to Steve while he was with you today, what would you have done?
Matt: I'm not sure, other than I would have tried to get him back to the hospital. If it was too late for that, then I guess I would have just held him. Been with him. If something had happened, Dad, at least the kid would have had a day out. I mean, he's dying and there's nothing anyone can do but let him live a little.

Steve: I have a question. What do you think dying is like?...You don't have to answer that if you don't want. I'll understand.
Matt: No. No, it's okay. I'll answer it. I think about it sometimes. I think it's kind of like when you're little, and you're sick, and your parents pick you up and put you in their bed. Then you wake up, and you don't know where you are, but then it just takes a second, and you remember where you are and that you're okay. I think it's like that.

I Hate You [2.08][edit]

Annie: What are our rules with drawing?
Ruthie: No drawing on the walls, or the tables, or furniture, or anywhere but paper.
Annie: That's right. So why break the rules if you know the rules?
Ruthie: I don't know. I just got bored, I guess.

Ruthie: I didn't paste or cut anything, it's not fair!
Annie: I think it's plenty fair.
Ruthie: I hate you!

Mary: We're really sorry if we hurt your feelings.
Joanne: If? If you hurt my feelings? You think I have fake teeth, a boob job, and that I can't microwave my own food. That's right, I have perfect hearing too. I heard every word you said.

Lucy: We're really sorry.
Joanne: You should be! If you had bothered to get to know me, I'm a pretty nice person. And I try to treat others the way I want to be treated.
Lucy: And yet, if you made the same mistake we did, you'd want them to forgive you, right?
Joanne: I wouldn't make the same mistake you did.

Annie: You know, Ruthie, when someone does something wrong, they need to take responsibility for it. And sometimes when they're angry, they say things that aren't nice and aren't true. I was hoping that after a while you would have time to think about what you said, and you would apologize. Do you remember when you said you hated me? I know you don't like to be punished, but saying you hate me really hurt my feelings.

Eric: I'm really sorry if Simon bothered you.
Mrs. Kerjesz: I know what he wanted. He wanted to ask about something he saw the other day. [pulls up her sleeve to reveal numbers] Could an innocent boy like that really understand my story?
Eric: Well... yeah, I think he can. But I don't want you to feel pressured to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable.
Mrs. Kerjesz: Oh, I talk about it. With my friends who are survivors. We have common ears, we can hear each other. Other people... they don't hear us so well.

Mrs. Kerjesz: If only we could we just stop hating each other...if only.

Truth or Dare [2.09][edit]

Mary: [to her parents] Matt paid Brian $20 for him to go out with me! [to Matt] I can't believe you!
Annie: Like I said...
Matt: Yeah, yeah it'll blow up in my face.

Beverley: [with Lucy is hiding under the bed listening] So I've been dying to ask you...what do you think of Lucy?
Shelby: I think she's pretty nice.
Girl: Pretty nice? Please! She's absolutely rude to Ashley.
Shelby: It probably just gets to her that Ashley and Jimmy are boyfriend/girlfriend. I mean, he and Lucy had been going out for a long time.
Beverley: Yeah, I always wondered why he broke up with her anyway.
Ashley: Well, for one thing, Jimmy says she's incredibly insecure.
Shelby: So she's a little insecure...okay, she doesn't have a lot of self-confidence.
Beverley: No kidding!
Girl: You're exactly right.
Shelby: Yeah, but who would with an older sister who's a basketball star and a brain?
Girl: Yeah, I mean, if Mary hadn't made us invite Lucy over tonight, believe me...

Lucy: [to Mary] Did you pay Beverly to invite me to her sleepover or did you just threaten her?

Annie: Simon, you're going to have to tell Ruthie that despite your teaching, she's still going to have to take swim lessons.
Simon: Why me?
Annie: Because you're the one who let her believe that she could learn how to swim by splashing around in a bathtub!
Simon: But it will break her heart. Her teeny-tiny heart.
Annie: Whose fault is that?

Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way [2.10][edit]

Ruthie: Mommy's upstairs yelling at Mary and Lucy, and I'm pretty sure the roast is burning.
Colonel: Why do you think that?
Ruthie: Because there's smoke coming out of the oven.
Colonel: Ruthie, you get off the phone right now and go upstairs and get your mother. Right now, that's an order! Understand?
Ruthie: Yes, sir! [hangs up]
Colonel: Ruth! Pack my bags, I'm shipping out!

The Colonel: It's important to know when to be helpful and how to be helpful. When you don't know either one, it's important to be harmless.
Matt: What?
The Colonel: Lead, follow or get out of the way.

Eric: I finished my sermon.
Colonel: I knew you would.
Eric: Gosh, you know... I've been dreading tomorrow all week, and now I can't wait.

Rush to Judgment [2.11][edit]

Ms. Russell: Why did you think it was not just a hug?
Lucy: I don't know... something just didn't seem right. I got a bad feeling about it... but I'm sorry. That's just the way I felt... I must've been wrong. I was wrong, I mean obviously.
Ms. Russell: Are you sure you were wrong, Lucy?
Lucy: Off course I'm wrong, I'm always wrong. But how was I supposed to know about that mile record thing?
Ms. Russell: I'm going to have to talk to one of your parents.
Lucy: At least you know the number.

Stuck in the Middle with You [2.12][edit]

Mary: [to Lucy] How are either of them going to call you if you are on the phone?
Lucy: They're not, I'm playing hard to reach until I can make up my mind which one I want.

Eric: It's just that I always thought we'd be buried in upstate New York in the Camden family graveyard on the Colonel's property. Camden's have been buried there for hundreds of years.
Annie: A hundred years!
Eric: It's just a hole in the ground, so what difference does it make anyway, right?
Annie: Right, unless by that you don't want to be in the ground next to my mother and father.

Red Tape [2.13][edit]

Annie: [angry because the store owner won't let her return a poor quality sweater without a receipt] I'm just trying to return a sweater.
Store Owner: You're just trying to create a disturbance.
Annie: A disturbance? You want a disturbance? I'll give you a disturbance! What ever happened to common decency? What ever happened to service and a simple thank you for shopping here? What ever happened to the store standing behind the merchandise that it sells? What ever happened to truth, justice, and the American store taking returns?
Store Owner: I'll tell you what happened. People started shoplifting and then returning things for cash, or buying things, wearing them, and returning them for no reason! Profits started coming down, and insurance rates started going up, so shop owners had to start looking for merchandise with a higher mark-up. What do you want from a twelve dollar sweater? What ever happened to "You get what you pay for"? If the manufacturer doesn't stand up for the merchandise, then why should I get stuck? I've got kids to feed too, you know! That's what happened to this American store taking returns!

Homecoming [2.14][edit]

Annie: [to Mary] Well, if you run away from everything that scares you, you're gonna miss out on some great stuff in life.

Suzanne: I wish we had dates to the dance, though.
Lucy: Me, too. I know it sounds shallow, but just once in my life I'd like to walk into a gym with a really cool guy. Somebody tall, handsome and not my dad!

It Takes a Village [2.15][edit]

Annie: What do you want to tell me that you're not telling me?
Eric: Nothing. Oh, I did speak to Morgan last night. He was thinking that maybe instead of the whole family outing thing that you and Patricia could take the kids and let us have a guys' night out. Just the two of us, just hard-working minister guys just getting away from it all, shooting a little pool.
Annie: What are you two really up to?
Eric: Such a suspicious mind for such a pretty lady.
Annie: Flattery. Nice choice.
Eric: Thank you.

Patricia: If I saw one of my daughters in a theatre making out like these two, I send her to a convent.
Annie: I mean, this is a kid's movie for goodness sake.

Annie: Ah, ah, you can run, but you can't hide.
Lucy: I'll take hiding for now. But you know, Mom, technically aside from making out, I really didn't do anything wrong.
Annie': Oh, well this may sound harsh to you. To start with, you're on house probation for three months. Now if you an stay out of trouble for that long, I might consider letting you out the house before you turn 21. But if you so much as cross the line once, I'm going to have you lo-jacked, got it? Good!

Nothing Endures But Change [2.16][edit]

Lucy: [at a support group] My friend was killed in a car accident. Her sister was with her. She was injured, and now I don't know what to say to my friend's sister.
Counselor: What did people say to you that was comforting?
Wilson: Actually, we talk a lot about what people say that doesn't comfort you at all.
Girl #1: "You'll see her again when you die".
Guy #1: "He's resting now". I was seven. I thought it meant that when my dad rested enough, he'd come back. It totally spooked me.
Girl #2: "It was meant to be". That's my favorite.
Guy #2: "Meant to be". I mean, what is that? My brother was meant to get shot?
Lucy: Is there anything anybody can say?
Wilson: Maybe the truth. Things like "This totally sucks".
Guy #2: That's what I wanted to say out loud at the funeral, but I couldn't because nobody would have understood! That and "I'm glad it wasn't me". It sounds selfish, but I'm glad to be alive. I've got a lot of things I want to do with my life.

Sgt. Michaels: There's been an accident.
Eric: Tell me it's not Lucy.
Sgt. Michaels: No. But the girl does go to Lucy's high school. Their car smashed into a telephone pole. One girl was killed instantly. The other one survived, but she's not in good shape. Evidently, they were trying to dodge a kid who ran in the middle of the street.
Eric: Which one?
Sergeant Michaels: Sarah. Just fourteen years old. This is gonna be a tough call to make, Rev. I was hoping you'd go with me.

Mary: You're mad at Lucy? Mad about what?
Matt: I think she was going to run off with those girls. They weren't going to get a pizza.
Mary: You don't know that.
Matt: Yeah, I do. It was written all over her face when I dropped her off, but I didn't press her on it. She was trying to trick me. How do you think I would have felt if she had been in that car? She could have been killed, too!
Lucy: [walks in crying] You think I don't know that? You don't think that if they hadn't been on their way to pick me up, Sarah would still be alive and she wouldn't have died?
Matt: Sarah died because she was driving the car and the kid ran out in front of her!
Lucy: I know that! And that's my fault too; it's all my fault!

Annie: Luce, the accident.
Lucy: It wasn't them. Tell me it wasn't them Mom, please?!
Annie: I'm sorry. Sarah was killed Luce, and Jen's in the hospital in serious condition! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Oh, I'm just glad it wasn't you! [they both begin to cry]

Annie: How's Jen doing? Any word?
Eric: I just got off the phone with her parents; she's still in the hospital. Her leg's going to be okay. But she's got a heavy burden to carry, and... and unfortunately, it could take years to develop the strength for it. Having to be there for Jen is what's keeping the parents going. They're just so grateful they didn't lose her too- What, Annie?
Annie: I just keep thinking that Lucy could have been in that car, too.

Lucy: That's so weird. I feel the exact same way, like every single person on this earth is one second away from leaving the planet, me included. And you know, it's like there must be a reason I'm here. God must have had a reason for keeping me here. Otherwise, why wouldn't I have been in that car?
Wilson: Right after my wife died, I felt the exact same way. Why didn't I die? Why her? Why did she have to suffer through such a difficult labor and then die in the end?

Lucy: It is my fault! It's all my fault! Nothing will ever be the same again! Nothing! [runs up to her room]
Eric: It'll take awhile.
Annie: I know. But I'm glad that she has awhile to take.

My Kinda Guy [2.17][edit]

[Eric has invited a foreign exchange student to stay]
Annie: You invited a guest to stay in our house without even consulting me?
Eric: ...I just thought it would be a great cultural experience for the kids, for all of us.
Annie: Well so's a museum, but unfortunately we don't have room for one in our house!

Time to the Leave the Nest [2.18][edit]

Simon: [about Sarah] What, you think this girl has parents? What kind of parents would let their child run around hungry and dirty like that? She must be an orphan. I can feel it in my bones!
Sergeant Michaels: I think we owe it to the child to go a little bit beyond that.
Simon: Why? Even if she does have parents, they shouldn't get her back. When something belongs to you, you have to take care of it! It's the law.
Sergeant Michaels: Well, not exactly.

Joe: Listen, sweetie, you've been taking care of me for a long time. But I think I need more help than a little girl can give.
Sarah: I wasn't doing a good job?
Joe: No, no, no, honey. I wasn't doing a good job.

Joe: It's your turn to be taken care of, and Grandma's great at taking care of people, honey. So I want you to do me a favor and let Grandma take you home for a while. I'll miss you so much. But you deserve everything...some new toys, and some pretty dresses.
Sarah: I don't need new toys or dresses! I need you!
Joe: That's why I'm going to stay here and get some help. But I don't think I'll be much good at it unless I know you're with my mom. That way, I won't worry about you.
Sarah: I love you, Daddy.

Sarah: Please take me back to my daddy. He needs me. I shouldn't have left him alone.
Simon: Well, that's okay. Daddies can take care of themselves.
Sarah: But he's really sick, and we don't have any money, so he needs me to go into town with him, and ask people for money so we can buy stuff.
Simon: Wait. What kind of sickness?
Sarah: I don't know, but if he doesn't drink a lot, he hurts real bad.

Joe: But I love her. I love Sarah!
Eric: If you mean that, then you need to do what's best for her. Do the right thing, Joe.

Eric: I know how you feel, Simon, but we still need to do whatever we can to find Sarah's family.
Simon: You're on your own there, Dad. I want her.

Mrs. James: Joe, I need you to tell Sarah to come with me. I need you to talk to her, make it okay for her.
Joe: Why would I give up the only person in this world who loves me?
Mrs. James: Oh, Joe! I love you. I've always loved you! But even more than that, someone upstairs must really love you, to find people like this to help you.

Annie: Everything will be okay.
Mrs. James: I used to say that about my son. But it never was. It never was.

Like a Harlot [2.19][edit]

Ruthie: Why didn't you tell me Snappy was real!? What's next, Santa Claus? How many years have you been lying to me? Am I really 6!?
Annie: You went backstage.
Ruthie: And you know what else? I don't believe in God either.

Eric: I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning. I turned Ruthie into an atheist, I forced Matt to go out with Connie, Lucy and Mary are both dating 11-year olds and I still have to talk to Simon about that movie.

Eric: Anyway, you don't believe in God, huh? (Ruthie shakes her head yes) Kinda gets me in the heart 'cause God is so real to me.
Ruthie: But you can't see God.
Eric: Well, the wind is real, but you can't see the wind. You know, you can only see the leaves rustling in the trees. Pain is real but you can't see pain. You can only see tears. Happiness is real, but you can't see happiness. You can only see the smile on someone's face.

Boyfriends (1) [2.20][edit]

Matt: [to Eric and Annie] The good news is I'm valedictorian. The bad news is I leave before I have a chance to make my speech. I got a job in Washington, D.C. Summer work program.

Simon: Ruthie's mad because you're abandoning us.
Matt: I'm not abandoning anyone. I'm going to college!

Matt: [to Mary & Wilson on her bed] Have you two lost your minds!? Haven't you learned anything from your mistake? [to Mary] You're acting more like he's your husband!

Annie: [to Eric] Mary's.... Mary's... pregnant.

... And Girlfriends (2) [2.21][edit]

Ruthie: Mr. Martin can bite me.
Simon: Where are you learning words like that?
Ruthie: Around. I have ears, you know!
Simon: Well, if anyone hears you talk like that, this cleanser's going to end up in your mouth.

Ruthie: [after dropping a book] Darn it.
Simon: You and your mouth are treading a mighty fine line, sister!
Ruthie: Don't worry, it's almost out my system, I can feel it.

Mary: Is there something wrong with me?
Annie: Not exactly. You're... you're... I can't.
Eric: There is just no easy way to say this Mary, it seems that you're pregnant.
Mary: I don't think so.
Annie: Why, because your birth controls infailable?!
Mary: Yeah, it's called not having sex, it works 100% of the time; and hey, if I'm lying we'll all know in a couple of months now, won't we?

Annie: I have something to tell you. We're going to have a baby. A baby... we're having one. You can't get any closer and we're still having a baby. Uh-huh... you and me together. Wacky Dr. Peterson got the tests mixed up.
Eric: WHAT!?

Matt: [upon finding out Annie's pregnant] You didn't do this just to get me to stay home and go to school, did you?
Eric & Annie: No.
Matt: Well, you can't get me out of here now, things are just starting to get good.

Season 3[edit]

It Takes Two, Baby [3.01][edit]

Simon: Just in case what isn't better?
Ruthie: My morning sickness.
Simon: Oh, give it up already.
Ruthie: MOMMY!
Eric: Simon, be nicer to your sister. This isn't easy on her and she's just a little girl.
Simon: You say it like it's a weakness or something.

Matt: I just want to know if Mom is feeling any better?
Eric: She can't fit into her pants, she's not gonna be happy until she can. Meanwhile, I have to find some place to take her for our 20th anniversary that's appropriately romantic, yet doesn't remind her that I'm the one that got her too big to fit in her pants. I've been down this road five times and it's a long cranky road.
Matt: I remember when you put on a few pounds you were cranky too.
Eric: Yeah, but that was different. I wasn't providing a nurturing environment for a developing human being. And I have to say if I were... I think I be thrilled. I'd be elated... I'd be...
Annie: ...Miserable. You know, you think you know what it's like, but you don't, you really don't. You know nothing.
Eric: Nothing.

Annie: How is that I'm the one who has to watch every single morsel of food that I put into my mouth, and yet those crumbs turn into pounds and more pounds and more pounds, despite the fact that I've already puked most of what I've eaten the day before by the time I get out of bed the next morning?
Ruthie: Yeah, we're fat and we're sick.
Annie: And tired you know I'm really, really tired. It's not like having a baby at twenty or thirty, I'm….
Ruthie: Old.
Annie: And I've got six months to go. Six more months. Six months of trying to wear clothes that make me look...
Eric: Like you're having a baby. Our baby.
Ruthie: Yeah, our big fat baby.
Annie: Yeah, she's right. You know that I was seven months pregnant with Matt before I was in maternity clothes. And now, at three months look at me, I'm fat. I'm old. I'm tired. And I'm fat.
Ruthie: Yeah, I can't get in nothing of mine, neither.
Eric: You can't get into anything Ruthie, you don't fit into your clothes because you're getting bigger and that's because you're getting older.
Ruthie: Yeah, just like Mommy.

Eric: It's going to be okay.
Annie: It's not gonna be okay! It's only gonna get worse. I'm only gonna get fatter, and older, and tireder, and fatter! Then, when I'm at my oldest and tiredest and fattest, then I have to give birth to my fattest baby ever, probably with the world record head!
Ruthie: Yeah. If you ask me, the only thing you daddies have to do to make a baby is the fun part.

Eric: You know, maybe your tummy will be feeling better by lunchtime. Mommy's always is.
Ruthie: Give me an extra paper bag, just in case it isn't.
Simon: Just in case what isn't?
Ruthie: My morning sickness.
Simon: Oh, give it up! You're not sick, you're not tired, and you're not fat. You're just trying to get attention.
Ruthie: MOMMY! [runs upstairs]
Simon: Yeah. Whenever they're hurt, they run to Mommy, even when Dad is standing right there.

Drunk Like Me [3.02][edit]

Annie: You and Simon need some guy stuff to do together. I don't want him to feel left out.
Eric: No, being left out is Lucy's job.

Lucy: Mom, if you had to guess, what would you say the babies were?
Annie: Girls.

Cutters [3.03][edit]

Annie: [to Matt] You look terrible.
Eric: It finally happened. Our son got rejected by a girl.
Annie: I can't believe it. Not my Matt! Why, you are the most handsomest guy on Earth, and if a girl doesn't like you, then something must be wrong with her!
Eric: Maybe your mom could call her.
Matt: You know, you two are really starting to sound like June and Ward Cleaver.
Eric: Really? Because up until now, you kind of reminded me of Wally. Wally never got rejected.

Eric: Maybe what you need is a tutor.
Lucy: You mean an older-high-school-guy-who-looks-like-Brad-Pitt type of tutor?
Eric: Uh, no, I was thinking of a much-older-minister-who's-slowly-losing-patience-with-his-daughter type of tutor.

Mary: You know, none of this is like you, and I know why. I think your attitude is compliments of your new best friend Nicole.
Lucy: Stop picking on my friend, okay? Because Nicole is here to stay. And, in the future, stay out of my business. Especially my friend business.
Mary: I'm telling you there's something up with Nicole.
Lucy: That's your opinion.

Mary: Look, I know no one wants to hear this, but I have to say something. Last night I saw Nicole in our bathroom cutting herself with a razor.
Lucy: It makes no sense. I don't understand why Nicole would cut herself, why anyone would.
Eric: Well, a lot of girls do it. In fact, some experts believe that cutting or self-mutilation is the fastest growing problem with teenage girls outside of eating disorders.
Lucy: If that's true, why haven't I heard of it?
Eric: No one talks about it much.
Lucy: That maybe true with other people, but Nicole is my best friend. If she were doing this, I'd be the first to know.
Eric: There's a lot of shame that goes with cutting and Nicole wouldn't necessarily tell you or anyone else 'cause she's probably embarrassed that she does it.
Lucy: Well, if she's embarrassed about it why doesn't she stop?
Eric: It's not that simple. See, sometimes when a person can't handle whatever emotional pain their in, they cause physical pain to themselves. They'll take a razor or a knife or a pen and make little cuts that they can hide. And when you want to quit something like that, you have to find out what's causing the pain that's making you hurt yourself or you're never going to be able to stop doing the destructive behavior.
Lucy: I'm so sorry, Dad.
Eric: For what?
Lucy: I'm sorry you have such a dunce for a daughter. I'm so stupid about biology and Nicole.
Eric: I never want to hear you call yourself stupid again. You're not. Biology is tough and nobody knew about Nicole, not even her parents at first. So no blaming yourself for that either. I can't go to biology with you but, uh, if you need a substitute best friend, I'm always here.

Ted Jacob: I can't believe she's cutting again. I guess I can believe it. My wife and I have been seeing some of the old warning signs. Her frequent trips to the bathroom, keeping he bedroom door always locked, wearing baggy clothes to hide the scars.

The Legacy [3.04][edit]

Lucy: Oh no.
Shelby: Not again. How could you leave your lunch in Geometry class again?
Lucy: I don't know. Because I love a frenzied sweaty hallway sprint before lunch? Where's the straightest line from here to our Geometry room?
Shelby: I don't know.
Lucy: You really gotta start paying more attention in class.

Lucy: Oh, sorry to interrupt. I just left my lunch in here. Is that my lunch?
Mrs. Reese: I'm sorry, Lucy. I didn't know you'd be back.
Lucy: You ate my lunch?
Mrs. Reese: Well, I figured if you were coming back for it, you'd've been here sooner.
Lucy: It's a long hallway. A long windy hallway filled with obstacles that walk and shove and get in your way on their way to eating their own lunches.
Mrs. Reese: What's the shortest distance between two points? A straight line. You know, if you applied what we talked about in class, you might've gotten back here quicker and saved your lunch.
Lucy: I just don't understand Geometry. I can't do that kind of thinking. I don't have that side of the brain or something.
Mrs. Reese: Really? Because it looks like you're not all that interested in Geometry and aren't really giving it your best shot.
Lucy: It's hard to be interested in something you know you'll never use. I mean, never get.

Lucy: She ate it. I accidentally left my lunch in class and Mrs. Reese ate it. My lunch. All of it…practically. And to add insult to injury, she said that if I'd applied the Geometry stuff we learned in class that I might've made it back to the room in time to save my lunch.
Annie: Is there any truth in that?
Lucy: How would I know? I don't know any Geometry.
Annie: Does that mean you want Mary or Matt to help you with your Geometry?
Lucy: No, I want you to call Mrs. Reese and tell her to stop eating my lunch.
Annie: If it continues, I will. And it is possible that today was just a weird day. And I don't want to upset you in your weakened and starving condition, but maybe you should take a stab at learning Geometry.
Lucy: Why? I don't get it, I'll never get it, and I don't see how it will ever help me in my life to get it.
Annie: It might help you save your lunch.

Mrs. Reese: I'm sorry, Lucy. I didn't know if you'd remember to come back again today.
Lucy: No, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd start on my lunch again today.
Mrs. Reese: You should have. It's called a "given". You see, this situation isn't all that different from a geometry proof. Why Mrs. Reese eats my lunch...your lunch is something to be eaten. That's the definition of lunch. Your lunch is in here to be eaten because you leave it in here. That is a "given". I don't want it to sit and rot, etc. That is also a "given". So what conclusion can we draw from this?
Lucy: That is my lunch is left in here, you're going to eat it unless I get back here before you do?
Mrs. Reese: Exactly right. Which route did you take to get back here?
Lucy: The south hallway.
Mrs. Reese: Okay, "G" that's our geometry room. And "F" that's you...famished. If you draw an imaginary line from here to here.
Lucy: It's a right triangle.
Mrs. Reese: And how could you have gotten to "G" quicker?
Lucy: By going from here to here?
Mrs. Reese: Yep. You bisect the angle to the midpoint on the hypotenuse.
Lucy: So, can I have whatever's left of my lunch? [there's nothing left]
Mrs. Reese: I had a light, light breakfast.

Mary: Okay, I just came down to say I'm sorry.
Annie: For skipping class, or getting caught, or causing me to come and get you in the principal's office so that your teacher can tell me that for some reason my 16-year-old daughter can't seem to find her way to class?
Mary: Yes. Mom, Mrs. McKee just reads aloud every day and it's boring. Besides, I can read the book by myself.
Annie: So have you?
Mary: What?
Annie: Read the book?
Mary: Well, some of it, but I can't get into it. And besides, like I said, Mrs. McKee reads the thing aloud in class every day.
Annie: Yes, but you'd have to actually be in class to hear it and benefit from it. You see where I'm going with this?
Mary: Yes.
Annie: See, if my kid can't "get" anything, not even the tiniest little morsel, from a classic novel about societal mores, shame, scorn and ostracism, then I look to my kid. Not the teacher, not Nathaniel Hawthorne, but my kid. Of course, now that I know my kid has read and/or heard very few of those actual words, I feel better. Or a different kind of worse, I'm not sure.

... And a Nice Chianti [3.05][edit]

And the Home of the Brave [3.06][edit]

Ruthie: You know the person guts I hate? Bobby Tripp. I hate the guts inside his guts, and the guts inside those guts!
Mary: Our little neighbor? Why do you hate him?
Ruthie: Because he saw my underwear on the swing, and he won't shut up and say he's sorry!
Simon: Well, if you think about it, there's really no way he could shut up and say he's sorry.
Ruthie: Don't make me crawl over that seat and sock you!

Annie: Hey, how was school today?
Ruthie: Fine until Bobby Tripp saw my underwear while I was on the swings, and now he won't shut up about it.
Annie: Why weren't you wearing the shorts that I made to match that outfit?
Ruthie: Because I was in a hurry this morning, and besides, why should I have to wear shorts because boys can't shut up about underwear? Why should all the girls at school have to suffer because the boys are losers? What's wrong with this world?
Annie: Can I get back to you on that?
Ruthie: Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.

Matt: Once the twins are here, our lives will never be the same. They're gonna need lots of attention and quiet, and once they're here, they're here. Forever.
Ruthie: What if we don't like them?
Matt: Well, having a baby is kind of like rolling the dice in Vegas. Sometimes the odds are really good, and you win big.
Simon: And sometimes, you crap out.

Johnny Get Your Gun [3.07][edit]

Ruthie : Bah-boom! Ahhhhh!
Annie : Are you okay? What happened?
Ruthie : I'm just playing.
Annie : And what exactly were you playing?
Ruthie : That I got shot just like in the video game called bah-boom! Ricky had it at school, and it's really cool.
Annie : Oh.
Ruthie : You hold it in your hand and a soldier walks around in the jungle and tries not to step on any land mines or get shot by the bad guys.
Annie : Honey. Do you know that there are real children who step on real land mines and lose arms...and legs, and some even die?
Ruthie : No. But this isn't for real. It's just a game -- a video game. Can I have one?
Annie : No. You cannot have one. I don't like those games. We'll find something else for you to play with, okay?
Ruthie : Bah-boom.

[Telephone rings]
Simon : Hello? It's for me. It's Deena...It's private. Are you crying?
Deena : Johnnie -- my old boyfriend -- broke up with his girlfriend, actually, the girlfriend broke up with him.
Simon : So you're breaking up with me?
Deena : No, I'm not breaking up with you. That's the problem.
Simon : Good. I don't think I can go through another breakup so early in the school year. Wait. Then what is the problem?
Deena : Johnnie, he's gonna come after you. I just know he will. He's like that.
Simon : Um, when you say come after me, um...exactly what do you mean by that?
Ruthie : Bah-boom!

Simon : Excuse me
Johnnie : Oh hey, little buddy. Am I an your way?
Simon : It's not buddy. It's Simon Camden. Are you Johnnie?
Johnnie : So you've heard of me. That's good. Have you heard that this is my girlfriend Deena.
Simon : I believe that was your girlfriend. Deena was your girlfriend. She's my girlfriend now.
Johnnie : We'll see about that, buddy. I'll see you later.
Deena : See what a jerk he is?
Simon : Don't worry. I can take care of him. Piece of cake.

Vice Principal Blackstone: Mr. Morton, I had your son's locker opened this morning.
Mr. Morton: What?!
Vice Principal Blackstone: I had reason to believe that he might have a weapon.
Mr. Morton: And did he? No!
Vice Principal Blackstone: But his locker looks like... an altar to violence. There are pictures of people torturing animals, a stack of gun ads, CDs of an extremely sexual and violent nature, comics books along the same themes. My guess is his room looks the same way.
Mr. Morton: So what if it does? He's a teenage boy!
Eric: He's a teenage boy who pointed his finger at my son's head and mentioned the exact gun he would use on him! [to Vice Principal Blackstone] I'm sorry, you asked me to let you handle this. [to Mr. Morton] And I can't help but notice that he threatened my son with the exact same gun that you own!
Mr. Morton: I have a license for that gun!
Eric: I don't care if you have a license for that gun. Licensed or unlicensed, your son has access to it, and you seem to be in complete denial at any possibility that something could go terribly wrong here!
Mr. Morton: I know my son, okay? My son would never shoot anyone!
Sergeant Michaels: At the very least, until this situation is resolved, you might want to take the gun out of your house.
Mr. Morton: The gun is for our protection!
Sergeant Michaels: Did you know that people who keep a gun at home for self-protection are 43 times more likely to kill themselves, a family member or an acquaintance than to be killed by an armed intruder?
Mr. Morton: Do you know that guns don't kill people?! People kill people!
Vice Principal Blackstone: Gentlemen...
Eric: No! Is it too much to ask for this man to admit that his son has a problem and take some action?
Mr. Morton: Oh, I'm gonna take action, all right! I'm not gonna be forced to give up my right to bare arms! And I'm not gonna have my back pushed up against the wall by some lame assistant principal and a minister who's got friends in the police department! What I am gonna do is call the school board and the Chief of Police, because this is harassment! And furthermore, I'm gonna take my son out of this school! I'm gonna put him in a private school where he won't be treated like a common criminal! The public school system has failed my son and failed my family! And if this is what I get for my tax dollars, then forget it!

Mr. Morton: I was wrong. And I just wanted to apologize for what happened, and not listening to you when you told me my son was in trouble. If I had, this wouldn't have happened. I just thank God he didn't kill anybody.
Eric: Amen.

No Sex, Some Drugs and a Little Rock 'n' Roll [3.08][edit]

Annie: Lucy, wait. I got the phone bill today.
Lucy: Congratulations.
Annie: Your phone usage is completely out of control.
Lucy: Define "out of control."

Annie: [when Ruthie is chewing gum] Spit it out.
Ruthie: How did you know?
Annie: I have eyes in the back of my head.
Ruthie: If that were really true, I'd bring you in to Show 'n' Tell.

[When Annie catches Simon drinking coffee]
Ruthie: I'm not drinking coffee, I just stole it for him.
Simon: [to Ruthie] Thanks a lot.
Annie: Simon! [grabs the phone from Lucy] Goodbye, Jordan.
Lucy: I had to call him to tell him I couldn't call him.
Annie: [to Ruthie about her gum] Come on, spit it out. [to Simon] You, no coffee. [to Ruthie] You, no gum. [to Lucy] And you, no phone. Got it? Good.

Lucy: How did you learn to be so cruel?
Annie: It's in the "Mommy Manual" between crafts and cuddling.

Eric: What are you doing with this stuff?
Matt: A friend at school gave gave 'em to me. Their just natural energy boosters made from herbs or something.
Eric: Not everything that is natural is good for you. Cocaine is extracted from the cope of plant. Heroine and Morphine come from natural plants and extracts. Natural doesn't always mean good!
Matt: Dad, calm down, okay. Check the bottle, it's sealed. I didn't take any. I was just looking for a way to keep awake so I could keep studying.
Eric: Oh, you'll stay awake because the main ingredient in these pills is Ephedrine which is just a chemical process away from from being Methaphetamine.
Matt: Wait I don't get it, I mean the guy who gave these pills bought them from a health-food store. I mean if this stuff is so dangerous then why is it not illegal.
Eric: Because Ephedrine is classified as a food not a drug, so it's not regulated the way it should be. Ephedrine-based supplements are illegal in 13 states. You know that it took to make them illegal? People died. (Mary enters the room)
Eric: What's wrong?
Mary: I took those pills.
Eric: You took these pills?
Mary: No, I didn't get the pills from Matt, I got them from Diane who gets them from her father. I thought everyone was taking them.
Eric: I think I better talk to Diane's father. Throw them out.
Matt: Gladly.

Let's Talk About Sex [3.09][edit]

Lucy: Romeo and Juliet were only 14, you know.
Eric: Did you read the entire play? Romeo and Juliet committed suicide!

Lucy: [hitting Matt] Who do you think you are embarrassing me like that? I am not a child! I am practically a grown woman and you have no right to interfere in my life like that!
Matt: Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'd rather you be mad at me than find out you did something stupid.
Lucy: Oh, yeah? Well, if you're so worried about me being stupid, then why don't you bust in on Mary at her stupid boy-girl sleepover?

Eric: You know, I don't want to sound judgmental, but there really is nothing good to be said about teenage pregnancy. They're just not old enough.
Annie: We are so lucky with Mary, Lucy and Matt.

Here Comes Santa Claus [3.10][edit]

Eric: You ready to go?
Lucy: Yeah. I've been on the phone all day. I called every person in this church directory announcing that I will be holding these stupid auditions.
Eric: Oh my, and I know how you hate using the phone. You know I'll drop you off on my errand and come back by the church and help you.
Lucy: Thanks for the offer, but I doubt there's going to be a long line for free work.
Eric: Oh, I think you might be surprised.
Lucy: I'll probably just be sitting there all afternoon staring at the rec room walls.
Eric: Take your shoe shine kit, it'll give you something to do.
Lucy: Yeah, Merry Christmas to you, too. It's not funny.
Eric: Yes, it is.

Lucy: I have to get Jordan something for Christmas, he got me something. He probably spent a hundred dollars. That's how much couples spend on each other these days.
Annie: Your father and I have never spent a hundred dollars on each other at Christmas, and yet whenever we've drawn each other's name we've always managed to give each other something special. You just have to be creative.
Lucy: First of all, it's not whenever it's every year, because we all know that you guys cheat. And secondly, I don't have time to be creative. All my time is being spent trying to talk people into taking part in the live nativity scene.

Nobody Knows... [3.11][edit]

Lucy: You cried?
Mary: I only did it because you told me too. I'm a disgrace to women drivers everywhere.
Lucy: Yeah, but not because you cried. Because you can't parallel park. And actually crying to get your way isn't a disgrace to all women drivers, it's a disgrace to all women, period.
Mary: You told me too.
Lucy: Can I just make one teeny tiny suggestion? Learn how to parallel park and retake the test. When I said cry, I meant just that. Cry. Faking it is just like a lie and like lying you have to break the habit now before it controls you.
Mary: I'm gonna break something and it's not my crying habit!

Eric: Our kids are bad liars.
Annie: Really bad liars, every last one of them.

Eric: Does whatever is going on with Julie have something to do with your not wanting me anywhere near you today?
Annie: No. Don't be ridiculous.
Eric: I'm sorry I just couldn't help but notice that you're a little less…friendly than you were yesterday.
Annie: There's no reason. Just like there's no reason that Ruthie keeps getting in trouble with the phone, there's no reason Lucy cries well and Mary doesn't, there's no reason that one child is sick and the other isn't, there's no reason that your sister is an alcoholic and you're not. It's just what is. I was quoting from one of your sermons.

All That Jazz [3.12][edit]

Dr. Hastings: I know you're angry with me and frankly, I don't blame you.
Annie: Well, I do blame you. And why all the politeness? We didn't come here to enjoy afternoon tea. This is not something I wanted to do, but now that I am here, I want some answers. Answers to questions that I have had for 20 years!
Dr. Hastings: Ask me anything.
Annie: Why didn't you listen to me that night? I knew something was wrong. The nurse knew that something was wrong. You saw that my blood pressure was...
Dr. Hastings: Was dangerously high, and you were exhibiting all the classic signs of eclampsia, but I hadn't seen eclampsia happen during labor. But I was nervous and scared and too inexperienced to be dealing with your labor. I should've called in another doctor. But unfortunately, my ego was more developed than my medical training. There is no pretty to say this, I... screwed... up.
Annie: Then why didn't you at least apologize for endangering my life and almost killing my son. He was in an incubator for a month!
Dr. Hastings: I didn't apologize because I didn't have the guts to face either of you. So I ran away.
Annie: You shouldn't be practicing medicine.
Dr. Hastings: You're absolutely right. When I was 28, I had no business being a doctor. I didn't believe in God before that night. But I knew someone saved you and it wasn't me. Someone was definitely watching out for me, for all of us. I knew I wanted to practice medicine, but I knew I didn't have the training. So I went back to medical school for another three-year residency. After I finished that, because of you and your son, I decided to dedicate my professional life to working with high-risk babies. Three months ago I got a call from Glenoak Hospital, they wanted me to head up their new Neonatal unit. At first I didn't want to do it because I was afraid I might run into you and I want to cause any more pain.

Ruthie: Simon and Deena sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. I'm a very good speller.

Eric: [to his Congregation] It's just that we're all doing the best we can, considering who we are at any given moment... every single one of us and that includes the other guy. The guy who has offended us yesterday, a year ago, 20 years ago. It took a young man who's only 15 and in the depths of mourning to remind me of that, and I in turn am reminding you, .I encourage you .to make this a week of reconciliation. Amen.

The Tribes That Bind [3.13][edit]

Ruthie: Do you know the person whose guts I hate as a one or a two? Bobby Tripp. I hate the guts inside his guts. And the guts inside those guts.
Mary: Our little neighbor? Why do you hate him?
Ruthie: Because he saw my underwear on the swings and he won't shut up and say he's sorry.

Eric: Getting ready for the babies is kind of exciting, but it's scary too. Don't you think? Having two new people in the family will be a pretty big change. It's just been the seven of us for a while. Concerns? Thoughts? Fears? Anybody?
Matt: We know the drill, Dad. Two of you will leave for the hospital, and four of you will come home.
Simon: We've done this before.
Ruthie: I haven't, but I can follow along.

Eric: So the baby shower was fun?
Annie: Well, it didn't require police involvement but that is as much as I'm going to commit to.
Eric: I'm excited... but I'm also a little worried about these babies. I'm worried that... we don't make enough, we don't have the space enough, time enough...
Annie: I know. We have this conversation before every trip to the hospital.
Eric: We do?
Annie: Yeah. And afterwards, we share an inseparable bond that only this kind of anxiety can produce. It's our routine. Things are going to be really different but I'm always going to love you. That'll never change.
Eric: And you will always be everything I love and want to be when I grow up. But after a day like today, I..I..I worry about bringing new souls into this world at this time.
Annie: I'm not worried. Their brothers and sisters will make a difference. They'll make it better, and so will they.

In Praise of Women [3.14][edit]

Annie: [to Eric during labor] Stop touching me! That's what got us in this situation in the first place.

It Happened One Night [3.15][edit]

Annie: See my tummy? That's you.
Ruthie: Maybe I never should have come out.
Annie: But...look what you would've missed...riding on Daddy's shoulders...and Simon rocking you on the front porch...and Mary...giving you a bath in the kitchen sink.
Ruthie: My butt was a lot smaller then.
Annie: All of our...bottoms were a lot smaller then.

Annie: [after listening to Ruthie sing a depressing song] Ruthie, you are not a motherless child. Your mother is right here, listening to your beautiful song. But I'm a little busy now, and I could really use your help. You're a big sister now. That means you're more important than ever.

Annie: Why isn't Simon watching Ruthie?
Ruthie: Is Simon my new mommy?

Matt: Don't make me get Mom and Dad.
Ruthie: Ha! You couldn't get Mom and Dad away from the "Children of the Corn" if you tried!

Paranoia [3.16][edit]

Mr. Moon : It's just not like our son to do something like this
Norma : Well he's actually my stepson, but, you know, I feel like I gave birth to him. But I don't love what he's doing
Mr. Moon : He's letting his grades drop, cutting class -- caught him hitchhiking the other day. Hitchhiking!
Eric : Well I'm sure that --
Norma : We don't know where he goes. We don't know who his friends are anymore
Fred : We thought you might have better insight into this than we do, you have experience
Norma : You know our son as well as we do. Probably better
Eric : I'm sorry. I have to apologize. I have 2 new babies at the house and my mind's just a blur. I-I'm sure I should know who you are, even if you're new to the church, but --
Fred : It's our fault. We were in such a hurry, I -- I guess we just assumed --
Norma : We don't even go to your church
Eric : Lou? Anything the matter?
Lou : No, no. I just didn't realize you were back from maternity leave
Eric : Sorry to intrude
Lou : Please forgive me
Eric : Oh, he's one of our...deacons who, uh, has his own office, but, anyway...I think you were about to introduce yourselfs
Norma : I'm sorry I'm Norma and this is Fred. Moon
Eric : Moon? Your son is Jimmy Moon?
Fred : That's right. Lucy's old boyfriend. We really need your help
Norma : We think Jimmy's doing drugs

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Lucy : Why do we have to hurry?
Mary : I've got to pick up Ruthie, then I've got to drop you 2 at home, then I have to head over to the Junior High so I can make Simon look good, which is not gonna be easy.
Lucy : You know he's just using you

Sometimes That's Just the Way It Is [3.17][edit]

Ruthie: Babies, babies, babies. You'd think they never even saw a baby before. The way everyone goes ooh and aah if they even poop. It's not fair.
Simon: Forget it, that's not going to change, what has changed is my luck and I've got to change it back. Did you answer that chain letter or not?
Ruthie: One to Simon Camden, one to Master Simon Camden and one to Senor Simon Camden. That's Spanish.
Simon: You can't give me back my own chain letter. You're supposed to send it to three other people. The idea is to keep the chain going or bad luck will befall you.
Ruthie: Bad luck already befalled on me the day the babies were born.
Simon: Ditto.

Matt: I joined the army.
Eric: The United States army?
Annie: Yes, the United States army. The one with the guns and the wars!
Eric: Did they tell you you'll have to cut your hair?
Annie: Did they tell you those are real guns with real bullets, and you can get yourself shipped off to God knows where, and for what? Just to get your college education paid for?
Eric: [pause] How much would he get?
Matt: Well, I'm planning on four years. I'm gonna train as a pilot and they'll give me $50,000, and I'll be able to get a job as soon I get out.
Eric: Wow. 50 G's and a job?
Annie: Bullets! Very fast bullets coming at our son!

[After Simon wakes everyone up in the middle of the night looking for his Red Lightning ring]
Mary: Should we kill him now or in the morning?
[Sound of the twins crying]
Everyone: Now!

We the People [3.18][edit]

Eric: [to the Teacher's Board] I was going to say that Jack Brenner's a friend a mine. And I don't like what he did. Should he be punished? How? And how much? By whom? And who gets to decide?

Annie: I understand that you're helping Simon and Ruthie out with a little something.
Mrs. Hinkle: I don't know what you're talking about.
[Annie kisses her on the cheek]
Annie: Thanks for helping my kids.
Mrs. Hinkle: Thanks for sharing your kids.

The Voice [3.19][edit]

Eric: Do you find find it odd that God talked to him and told him to come see me?
Simon: No. You do a pretty good job most of the time. Why wouldn't God recommend you?

All Dogs Go to Heaven [3.20][edit]

Mary: You're a freak, you know that. A total freak, freak, freak!
Matt: Yeah, your freak brother. And that entitles me to protect you anyway I see fit.
Mary: No it doesn't. It doesn't entitle you to protect anything. And who needs your protection?
Matt: Who, who!? You that's who. You're out with a guy two years older than you and you're making out with him in a cop car!
Mary: There is no law against making out! [turns to Sergeant Michaels] Is there, Sergeant Michaels? Is there a law against making out?!
Sergeant Michaels: I'm going to let you two settle this.
Mary: Yeah, I know how to settle this. I'm gonna open a can of whup-ass!
Matt: Yeah, you do that.
Mary: I will! I will!

Burt: Reverend, do you think dogs go to Heaven?
Eric: It may be debated in religious circles, but there's no debate in my heart. I know dogs go to Heaven.

There Goes the Bride (1) [3.21][edit]

Simon: The Tooth Fairy doesn't hex. The Tooth Fairy grants wishes. Good wishes.
Ruthie: The Tooth Fairy is branching out.

Annie: Stage fright?
Eric: I'm not nervous about marrying Heather and Mason. I'm nervous about how Matt's dealing with Heather's impending wedding.
Annie: It's funny. I always thought Matt and Heather would end up together.

Eric: So if there's anyone present who does not think these two should not wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace.
Matt: Don't do it. Heather, don't do it!
Heather: [to Mason] I'm sorry. [runs away with Matt from the altar]

There Goes the Bride (2) [3.22][edit]

Heather: Matt, please don't tell me you broke up my wedding just so we could go to the movies! I want to marry you. I thought you wanted to marry me.

Mason: Well, congratulations. Now that you've pushed me out of the picture, you could just move right on in.
Matt: I'm not the one who messed this all up. That was you. I'm not the one who had a girlfriend on the side. That was you. I'm not the one who broke Heather's heart. That was you. I may have ruined your wedding, but the day you decided to cheat on Heather, you ruined the relationship and you should be man enough to admit it!

Julie: We have an announcement.
Hank: Julie and I are going to get married and we don't want to wait.
Annie: Do you know that it was this time last year that I told you there were going to be two new Camdens.
Eric: Not again!
Annie: I'm not pregnant. If I were, the Zero Population Control people would come and take us away.
Eric: So instead of two new Camdens, there's going to be one new Hastings.

Heather: Thanks for ruining my wedding.
Matt: Anytime.

Season 4[edit]

The Tattle Tale Heart [4.01][edit]

Annie: What's the matter? Eric!
Eric: I think I'm having a... heart attack.

Ruthie: Why did Daddy's heart attack him?
Simon: Some hearts just do that, I guess.

Matt: I'm moving in an apartment with John Hamilton. You know I love you, but I can't stay forever.

Life is Too Beautiful [4.02][edit]

Eric: Life is beautiful. [walks away]
Annie: Ah, it is. It is. It is.
Matt: Too beautiful?
Annie: Just a smidge.

Mary: You know what your problem is, Lucy? You don't have basketball. You don't have anything. So next year, you're gonna be a senior and you're going to be trying to decide where you're going to college and how you're gonna pay for it, and I hope that nobody helps you figure it out.

Simon: You moved out and left me in charge of Mom, Dad, and the kids!
Matt: I didn't leave you in charge of anyone.
Simon: Nevertheless, that's exactly what I've been doing, and you're undermining my authority.
Matt: How?
Simon: How? By telling Ruthie that she doesn't have to take a bath, and....and by doing all kinds of things.
Matt: Like what?
Simon: Just stuff, okay?
Matt: Hey, don't get so upset!
Simon: It's too late for that, because I'm already upset. And you know what I'm most upset about? The fact that you find this all so funny, like I'm some kind of idiot or something.
Matt: When did I ever act like you were an idiot?
Simon: When I was shaving. (pause) I mean, it hurt my feelings! Did people make fun of you when you started shaving?
Matt: I'm sorry.
Simon: It's okay. I just wanted you to know.

Yak Sada (a.k.a. One Voice) [4.03][edit]

Annie: A group called the Talibans is in power in Afghanistan. The atrocities they're commiting against women in the name of religion are shocking. I don't know whether to be angry of what Afghan women don't have or grateful for what I do.
Eric: There's no reason why you can't be both.

Eric: This is the most important thing you have to do before your wedding. There's still a lot of issues left to resolve before you two stand in front of your families and friends and promise to be together for the rest of you lives.
Ryan: After we're married, we'll have the rest of our lives to talk about these things. I don't mean to be insensitive here, but it's not our fault you had a heart attack which forced us to push these counseling sessions up to just before the wedding.
Eric: We haven't even discussed the vows.
Ryan: Love, honor and obey. What's to discuss?
Eric: Well, for one thing there's that pesky word, "obey." Jump on in here anytime you want, Jessica. (looks at Jessica for her opinion.)

Ryan: You know, like you said, a husband has to be responsible for providing for the family.
Eric: Uh, I believe I said "parents." Parents or a parent as the case may be has to be responsible for providing for the family. Of course, those responsibilities can be divided up in any number of ways depending on the couple doing the dividing wants.
Ryan: Jessica will be responsible for cooking and cleaning and laundry and childcare. And I will be responsible for bringing home a paycheck, deciding how that money is spent and when it's time for us to have children. These are pretty traditional division of responsibilities, not much different from the way you and Annie do things.
Eric: You think that's what Annie and I do? (Ryan agrees.) Okay, I have to admit that the division of labor has been a little off lately, but that's because of my heart attack. When I was in- when I get back to fighting form, Annie and I have one philosophy: Do whatever is necessary, whenever necessary and whenever amicable to whomever necessary.

Come Drive with Me [4.04][edit]

Eric: We haven't seen you around. What, did you finally buy some groceries?
Matt: No, I've been bust deciding what I'm gonna be when I grow up.
Eric: Picking a major?
Matt: Yup. Pre-med. I'm gonna to be a doctor.

Matt: I hate this job, I hate this job, I hate this job!
Adam: So let me ask you something. Do you hate this job?
Matt: Who's there?
Adam: My name's Adam. (emerges from the hospital bed covers)
Matt: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.
Adam: Gee, I wish I could say I've never heard that one before. (Matt looks embarrassed) Relax, I don't take that kind of thing personally.

Lou: Where's your father, Ruthie?
Ruthie: He's at home and he doesn't know that I'm here. And I risk being punished to tell all of you that my dad really needs that raise so he could buy a new car. But I think you should change your minds. Do you know all the things my father does? He helps kids who are in trouble and people without jobs or houses. And when something really bad happens, he's there. And you know why? 'Cause he cares. But don't worry, he'll keep caring whether he gets the raise or not. I'm just hoping you'll change your minds. That's about all I have to say.

Lou: The entire board saw you riding in that new red convertible, Eric. And the other day when I was here, some guys delivered some fixtures. We thought if you had the money to get the car and to remodel the house. Chances are you didn't need the raise especially with as well as Annie manages a household budget. Now, I'm sorry. Ruthie explained everything and of course, we will give you your annual raise. And we're sorry if we gave you an impression other than that we are grateful for everything you do for us.

With Honors [4.05][edit]

Ruthie: So, what kind of fun stuff do we have planned for tomorrow?
Annie: [to Eric] Teacher Work Day. No school for Ruthie.
Ruthie: Yes!
Annie: Okay, let's see. Tomorrow, you can help me clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, repair the kitchen sink, iron the socks, reorganize the linen closet, and go shopping.
Ruthie: Toy shopping?
Annie: Food shopping.
Ruthie: Man, this is gonna be worse than school!
Annie: [when Eric gives her a funny look] What?
Eric: It is going to be worse than school.

Elaine: Did you hear the rumor? It's all over school.
Mary: I just saw you this morning. How could anything be all over school?
Elaine: Well, what can I say the real juicy stuff has a life of its own. Corey Conway had a baby when she was 14.
Mary: Corey had a baby?
Elaine: Yeah, Maggie, the new girl said that there was a Corey Conway who went to her junior high school, and that Corey got pregnant and dropped out of school and had a baby.

Mary: How did you hide this from everyone?
Corey: It wasn't easy. I couldn't have anyone over to my house. I couldn't go to parties or stay out late. Forget about dating. With taking care of a baby I barely had time to go to school or play basketball. When I think about it, I actually don't even know how I was able to finish high school. Most teen mothers don't. I do know that I couldn't have done it without my mom. She's been there for me every step of the way since the day I told her I was pregnant.
Mary: Man, motherhood at fourteen.
Corey: You know what's harder than motherhood? Your friends talking and whispering behind you back.
Mary: Not everyone is talking about you.
Corey: Please, this spring I'm graduating Magna Cum Laude. I'm the top score on a championship basketball team and I've been accepted to three Ivy League Colleges. But now, thanks to Maggie, the only thing that everyone cares about is that at fourteen, I had a baby.

Mary: I'd really like to thank the local businessman's association for this honor, but I can't. Excellence in sports and in life to individuals we have future generations see as role models. I've never thought of myself as a role model. I go to school and get good grades. I go to basketball games and score points. But a role model, I don't think so. But there was a real role model who was supposed to receive this award with me today. But at the last minute the committee changed their minds. You all know who I'm talking about, because for the last 24 hours most of you have done nothing but talk about her. She's my friend, my teammate. She's Corey Conway. And when she was 14, she had a baby. Corey Conway is a person, not an issue. And the only statement made by celebrating her achievements is to honor that someone who didn't take the easy road in life and did what few others could have done. Finish high school with honors while raising a baby. I want to let you know how I feel before I bring Corey out on stage and give her my award. Because even if she's not a role model for the local businessman's association or for some of the students at this school, she is for me.

Eric: Look, I'm the minister at the Glenoak Community Church. And if there's a problem, I can help, I can...
Jeff: No, thank you, but I think you should mind your own business.
Eric: When your son brought drugs into my house it became my business.

Mrs. Peterson: [to Jeff)] I should have kicked you out. I should have told you that if you did drugs, you couldn't live with me, but I thought turning my back on my son made me a bad mother. But I was wrong. It made me a bad grandmother. Look, if you won't straighten up for me, do it for Lee. He's your son! You need to act like his father, and if you don't make me a promise, right that you will take the steps to clean up your life, then I will take custody of Lee, and you'll never see us again. And I don't want to do that. I just can't sit by and watch my grandson turn to drugs, the way my son did.
Eric: Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I think it's the hardest step, too.
Mrs. Peterson: I'll be there for you every step of the way, and as long as you're clean and sober, you can live with me. But you've got to get a job. You've got to start contributing to the household.
Jeff: I just...I don't know if I can do it.
Lee: Dad, please. I already lost a mom. I don't want to lose you, too. I love you.

Just You Wait and See [4.06][edit]

Annie: So, how is Glenoak's newest licensed driver?
Lucy: Fantastic! I love the freedom of driving down the road, with the wind in my hair. It's very exhilarating.
Simon: You can't feel the wind when you're only going 5 miles an hour.
Mary: Lucy drives way too slow.
Annie: When it comes to your children driving a car, there is no such thing as driving to slow.
Lucy: Thank you. (shifts her gaze and comment towards Mary) And the reason I drive slow is because you have your big feet hanging out the window.
Mary: Hey, I give my dogs some air.
Annie: From now on you keep your dogs in the car.
Simon: Dogs?! Try horses!
Mary: Excuse me, pinhead!

Eric: I am strong. I am strong. I am capable of handling anything.
Julie: I'm leaving my husband! We tried, but it's over.
Eric: I am strong. I am calm. I am capable of handing anything.
Julie: Great. Are you capable of carrying my suitcase!?
Eric: What happened?
Julie: I'm not having a baby with that man. I refuse. No one can make me. No one.
Eric: I don't understand. I thought you and Hank were happy.
Julie: The marriage was a big mistake. Big mistake... (looks at Eric) It's all your fault! You know how I am. If someone tells me to go left, I go right. If they tell me to jump up, I sit down. If you hadn't disliked that man so much, I never would've married him!
Julie: My back is killing me!
Annie: What's wrong?
Julie: I don't feel so good. And I have this cramping thing. May be it's an upset stomach...
Annie: I think you may be in labor.
Julie: That's impossible. I'm only 8 months pregnant. Besides, I can't be in labor 'cause I'm not going to have a baby with that man!

Julie: [about their daughter] What shall we name her?
Hank: We could name her after Eric and Annie.
Hank and Julie: Erica.
Julie: Erica Camden-Hastings.

Hank: I love you more than life itself, and I will never leave you. We are going to make fabulous parents. True, you'll be doing the pushing, but I'll be there every step of the way. And you have never looked more beautiful. Don't cry.
Julie: I can't help it. It hurts.

Sin... (1) [4.07][edit]

Coach Cleary: I understand that some of this has to do with "senioritus." I don't care. You were told in no uncertain terms that your studies were the priority and your grades had to show immediate improvement. Unfortunately, these reports show that they haven't. Now, I don't know if you didn't have an understanding of just how serious I was, or if you didn't have time to study. But now, you have both. (locks the gym doors)
Elaine: Practice is cancelled?
Coach Cleary: You are students here who play basketball. You're not basketball players who show up to classes whenever the mood strikes. Until you proven that you understand that by bringing your grades up, this season and this team are cancelled!
Mary: You can't do that!

Eric: Did you guys know what would happen if you didn't get your grades up?
Mary: [hesitantly] Yeah.
Eric: Well, then, for now, I support this lock-out.
Mary: What?
Annie: I'm sorry, kiddo, but your coach didn't screw up. You did.

Mary: This can't happen. This is my senior year and I have a scholarship to play basketball. I mean, somebody has to do something.
Simon: Why did he lock you guys out?
Matt: Mom had two babies, Dad just had a heart attack, and now this? They have enough going on without having to worry about without the stuff. You're supposed to be the oldest. How can Mom and Dad trust that you can keep an eye on everyone else when you can't keep an eye on yourself?
Mary: Oh, boy. One more lecture on how it is to be the oldest. How many times do I have to hear this stuff from you?
Matt: Until you get it right.
Mary: Go away! And take your lemony-scented self with you.

...And Expiation (2) [4.08][edit]

Mary: We trashed the school gym.
Lucy: What?! Who?!
Mary: Some of the girls from the team and me.
Lucy: Why?!
Mary: I don't know. We were just eating and talking about the team lockout and it just happened.
Lucy: And you got busted?
Mary: Yeah, We must've set off an alarm or something'cause the cops showed up.
Lucy: What's gonna happen?
Mary: I don't know. Sgt. Michaels saids I need a lawyer.
Lucy: This is unreal.
Mary: I wish.

Sgt. Michaels (to Annie): If you need any help trying to find a lawyer...
Annie: What?!
Sgt. Michaels: We're releasing her without bail on your recoginance, but this isn't over. She's... you're gonna need a lawyer.

Annie: I thought I was an ok parent. I thought I knew my kid. But I didn't.

Ms. Williams: [to Eric and Annie when she agrees to meet with Mary] I know she's your baby and probably always will be to you, but not to me. She's not in your house anymore. She's in mine. Someone must really like you. You can't even begin to imagine what kind of favors it took for me to come in today to review your case. So, Mary, what happened to your grades? Drugs?
Mary: [shocked] No.
Ms. Williams: Booze? A boyfriend you couldn't get enough of?
Mary: No. None of that.
Ms. Williams: Well, did you see something on TV or at the movies that you had to copy? Marilyn Manson hypnotized you with one of his songs? Your parents just didn't love you enough?
Mary: No.
Ms. Williams: Well, then, I heard about the team lockout, so I'm guessing that your coach and school did you so wrong, you had to get back at them, and that basically, they had it coming.
Mary: No.
Ms. Williams: Come on, Mary. There's got to be some reason why you did this that has nothing to do with it being your fault. Why should I consider you for the diversion program?
Mary: I don't know. I.....I've made some mistakes, but for the most part, I've always been a pretty good kid.
Ms. Williams: Pretty good kids don't trash other people's property. What else have you got?

Mary: Um, I just got off the phone with Mr. Wolf. Um, Mr. Wolf from the group that gave me the scholarship. Apparently, word of what happened has gotten around, and in light of everything that's gone on, including me recent subpar academic performance, Mr. Wolf said the committee felt there were better candidates out there for the limited funds that they have to donate, for college next year. I lost my scholarship.

Mary: I knew the choices I was making was wrong and I did it anyway... and I am sorry. I am sorry that I did it, and I am sorry for the way I've been acting, and I am sorry for everything that everyone has gone through because of me. And it kills me to know that sorry doesn't make a difference, and that it doesn't undo what I did, and it doesn't make my family like me again.
Eric: Hold on...
Mary: Look I know you love me. But how could you like me? I don't even like myself, and I don't know what to do to make things better.

Mary: What if I get expelled?
Eric: Well, we'll just have to wait and see what happens, and then deal with it.
Mary: I know I blew it, but up until now, I've been a pretty good kid. Now it's gone. It's all gone. Who knew that one mistake could ruin your whole life?
Annie: Your dad and I.....when you're an adult, you know that one mistake can ruin your life. Your life's not ruined. It's going to be radically different, but only you can decide if that's going to be a good different or bad different.

Dirty Laundry [4.09][edit]

Lucy: How would you know anything about being left out? You have been in the in-crowd your whole life. You've been Miss Star, Miss Athlete, Miss Popularity all during high school. You have no idea what it's like to be left out.
Mary: Are you crazy? Why do you think I got into basketball in the first place? I was, like 7 feet tall by the time I got into the fifth grade. Kids laughed at me and called me names, and so I did something. I learned a sport. I used my height instead of just complaining about it. I became an athlete instead of just whining about being different. And after all that, I'm nothing. I'm just the tall bad girl who let everybody down, and now I'm paying for it!

Who Nose [4.10][edit]

Lucy: You met a guy at your community service program, didn't you?
Mary: Yes, I knew you wanted to know.
Lucy: No. I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know anything.
Mary: He's gorgeous, and his name is Robbie.
Lucy: Great. Now I know his name.

Eric: Hey, do you wanna tell me anything?
Mary: Not really.
Eric: Sometimes when someone leaves out information that absence could be considered a lie by omission.
Mary: Am I that someone?
Eric: I thought we agreed that you couldn't see anyone while you were on restriction.
Mary: I'm not seeing anyone. But in the interest of not lying by omission there's a guy who's also doing community service that I talk to. But he is just a guy. And doing community service together can hardly be considered seeing anyone. And, besides, why does punishment always have to be a bad thing?
Eric: Well... because it's punishment. Does this guy have a name?
Mary: Yes, he has a wonderful name. Robbie Palmer. Now I have to go or I'll be late.

Pete: Spray paint makes it faster and it's a lot of fun.
Simon: How do you breathe around that stuff?
Pete: Oh, you'll get used to it, actually, you'll probably start to like it after a while.
Simon: Where are the guys?
Pete: Oh, uh... they decided to catch a breather.
Simon: We could use a breather, too. (Pete laughs) What?
Pete: You're too pure to understand.

Simon: [to the guys huffing in the hall] Hey, you guys are going to get a huge headache if you do that.
Pete: It's called huffing. It makes you you feel like you're walking on clouds, right? Wanna try it...or are you too pure? Didn't think so.
Mitch: Hey, Camden, you say a word to anyone, and your life will be hell.

Mrs. Jasper: Pete Lawrence collapsed on his way into school. His nose was bleeding and he was having trouble breathing.
Simon: I didn't know it was serious or at least this serious. I thought it can only make your nosebleed.
Eric: A bloody nose is the least of it. Huffing causes liver damage and kidney failure. Heart failure.
Simon: Can you die from it?
Eric: Kids do every year.

Mrs. Lawrence: The spray paint Pete used came from your garage. Pete said Simon brought it to school. [Simon shakes his head "no."] You just stay away from my son. You've done enough damage.

Simon: How's Pete?
Eric: The doctor said there wasn't any permanent damage, but when he's better, he'll have to go though a detox program to get the chemicals out of his system. And I recommended that he and his parents meet with a family counselor.
Pete: [in the hospital] Just go away.
Simon: I can't.
Pete: Why?
Simon: Because your mom thinks I did this to you.
Pete: Yeah. I let her think that.
Simon: I know. And it's okay. You must have been scared, and you had to tell your mom something. When you're feeling better, you can tell her the truth.
Pete: If I do, I'll get all my friends in trouble.
Simon: And that's better than getting one innocent guy in trouble. Look, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't mind taking the rap for a friend, but you and your buddies have to stop huffing, or eventually, they're gonna end up just like you, or maybe even worse.

Eric: I talked to Mrs. Jasper. Pete told his mom about the other guys and the huffing. Principal is meeting with the boys and their parents tomorrow. Pete promised to call each of the guys and explain why he ratted them out. No one is going to think it was you.
Simon: I don't care if they do.
Eric: Good for you.

Mary: Robbie got transferred.
Eric: We know.
Mary: Why'd you do it?
Eric: We think your community service shouldn't be anything but community service.
Annie: It's not something you're doing for yourself, it's something you're doing for the community as a payback. When the first phase of your service is complete and if you get a satisfactory review, then we'll see about Robbie coming over so we can get to know him better and you can get to know him better.
Mary: Then I guess I'm really grateful.

Forget Me Not [4.11][edit]

Shana: I still can't believe I'm going to NYU.
Matt: I still can't believe it either, but...but it's great and you're going and you need a place to live.
Shana: Most guys would be pressuring for me to stay. You are the best boyfriend ever. Long distance relationships aren't easy, but I know we can make it work.

Annie: Ginger, what a nice surprise. Where's Dad?
Ginger: I don't know.
Annie: What? What do you mean you don't know? What's going on?
Ginger: Uh, Annie, honey, your father...well...I don't know where he is.

Ginger: About 3 months ago, I started noticing some changes in Charles' behavior.
Annie: What changes?
Ginger: Difficulty in buttoning his shirt, trouble saying certain words, feeling lost in familiar places, misplacing things, and, uh, so we went to see the doctor.
Annie: And?
Ginger: And after a battery of tests your father was diagnosed as being in the very early stages of Alzheimer's. I couldn't tell you this over the phone, I just couldn't. And so I just, um, hopped on a plane and headed here.
Annie: Are you saying my dad has Alzheimer's?
Ginger: I'm afraid so.

Charles: I just walked away for a second. I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
Annie: We have to talk about this.
Charles: There's nothing to talk about. I'm fine. I really think that you're overreacting.
Annie: Dad, you almost set the house on fire!
Charles: I do not have Alzheimer's!
Annie: Dad, don't be afraid. You don't have to go through this alone. I'm here, Eric's here, the kids, Ginger...
Charles: I don't have Alzheimer's! End of discussion!
Annie: Dad!?!

Eric: How's your father?
Annie: In denial, just like I was.

Ginger: We're gonna make sure that dad gets the best medical care possible.
Annie: That's not the problem. The problem is getting him to except the fact that he has to deal with this. You see, I'm afraid to leave him alone. You saw what happened with the barbecue. But if he doesn't believe that there's anything wrong with him, it's hard to convince him that he needs someone when I'm not there. I mean, what if... he takes off again? What if he goes somewhere and forgets how to get back home? Or he forgets what his name is?
Charles: I didn't know I was scaring everyone. I'm sorry. It's just that if I agree with the doctors that they're right, then I have to start facing up to this thing. And I don't know that I can.
Annie: We're gonna get through this. We are. You're not alone.

Susan Gertz: [to Lucy] Look, we all have things in our lives, boyfriends, jobs, school work. You have to prioritize. Decide what's important to you. No one is forcing you to be a part in the Habitat Project. But if you're going to do it people are depending on you. So you have to show up when you're scheduled. If everyone cancelled, where would we be?

All By Myself [4.12][edit]

Mary: Where's breakfast?
Annie: You take cereal, you take the milk, you pour it into the bowl, it's not rocket science!

Ruthie: [to Eric, angrily] Your wife called! [slams the door]

Annie: I need a time out! Did everybody hear me!? Mommy is taking a time out!

Who Do You Trust? [4.13][edit]

Ruthie: Shana didn't call yesterday. That's the first time that happened.
Eric: I didn't know any of this.
Ruthie: Maybe Matt just doesn't want to tell you that stuff.
Eric: Why would that be?
Ruthie: I don't know. Sometimes kids just don't want their parents to know stuff. They have their reasons.
Eric: Like you having your reasons for not wanting to tell us what your science experiment is?
Ruthie: Exactly!

Rick: I always wanted a steady girlfriend, but not tonight. I wish I didn't even have one.
Lucy: Why?
Rick: Because right now, I'd like to kiss you.
Lucy: I guess your girlfriend wouldn't go for that.
Rick: Probably not.
Lucy: But what if I kissed you?
Rick: You mean, without me not knowing about it?
Lucy: What?
Rick: That didn't even make sense, did it? [They start kissing]

Annie: Are you sure it was Lucy?
Eric: Oh, it was Lucy all right. They were just making out right there on the street. They don't even know each other. She just met him. Frankly, this is not the kind of behavior I'd expect from a National Merit Finalist. I can only guess where the other two were.
Annie: They were probably watching the movie. Why is that so hard to believe?
Eric: If the younger brother has the nerve to make out with Lucy right on a public street, then it scares me to think of the brother who was arrested is capable of.
Annie: You're out of your mind, you know that?
Eric: Maybe, but it doesn't make me wrong about this.
Annie: We've got to hope that we raised our daughters well enough that they're doing anything more than kissing. But I think we have to expect the kissing.
Eric: And you're happy about this, aren't you?
Annie: I'm not thrilled. But I'm not going to drive myself crazy. They've got make their own decisions. We can't make the decisions for them.

Simon: We figured if we told you that we were buying cigarettes, you wouldn't let us buy anymore, and our project would be ruined.
Eric: If you knew we wouldn't approve, maybe it wasn't the best project to do.
Nigel: Well, we did show how easy it was for kids to buy cigarettes.
Eric: What were you planning to do if you got caught buying the cigarettes?
Nigel: The person selling the cigarettes gets in trouble, not us.
Eric: You guys didn't do your research. It's a $75 fine and 30 hours of community service for minors caught by buying cigarettes. Besides that, you're saying that you were willing to let the guy who sold you the cigarettes get into legal trouble, just so you could get a good grade on you social studies project?
Simon: But those people are killing us by selling us cigarettes. Not us, technically, but kids who smoke.
Annie: It's a very interesting project, but it's also a project that could've have some serious consequences for other people, as well as you two. And who wants to tell of how actually smoking the cigarettes you bought fit in.
Simon: We were expanding the project, you know, going from the thrill of buying the illegal project to the thrill of smoking it. Plus, when you make something so bad, it makes it irresistible, too.
Nigel: Yeah. It's like when we had the cigarettes, we couldn't help ourselves. We had to smoke.
Simon: Even knowing all we know about smoking and how bad it is. Sorry.
Nigel: Sorry too.
Annie: I'm afraid you're going to have to throw out your project and start over.
Simon: Is that our punishment?
Eric: What do you think?

Words [4.14][edit]

Ruthie: Don't just stand there. Do something
Lucy: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Ruthie: Teach me how not to let words hurt me.

Annie: I think you better tell me what's going on.
Lucy: Ruthie's new teacher has been calling her stupid. She asked me not to say anything, but...
Annie: She called her what?

Annie: Ruthie says you asked the class who the first president was, and when she answered Abraham Lincoln, you called her stupid.
Miss Riddle: [chuckles] No. I didn't say that. I told her that her answer was stupid. There's a difference.
Annie: She's eight. She doesn't know the difference.
Miss Riddle: Ah. I think I see where this is coming from. Every parent wants to believe their child is perfect. But in reality, most of the time the apple just doesn't fall far from the tree.
Annie: Did you just call me stupid?

Miss Riddle: I think it's time for you to go.
Annie: I'm not going anywhere.
Miss Riddle: Don't make me call the principal!
Annie: Oh, go ahead, make my day! Call the principal. Go ahead!

Annie: Nothing justifies calling a child stupid. Nothing.
Miss Riddle: You have your opinion, and I have mine.
Annie: Yes, but your opinion is wrong!

Annie: Well, it turns out there was no mistake. Miss Riddle has been calling Ruthie stupid.
Eric: What?
Annie: Yeah, and when I confronted her about it, she acted like it was nothing.
Eric: Unbelievable.
Annie: She called me stupid, too.

Annie: Do you know why I got so mad at your teacher?
Ruthie: Because she was mean to me?"
Annie: Yes. But also because when Ms. Riddle hurt your feelings and made you feel like you weren't smart, then school and learning became a bad thing. And if that happens enough, it won't be long before you don't like school at all. And that would be wrong. Because learning should always be enjoyable. And school should be like this safety zone where students not only learn about the stars, but reach for them as well.

Eric: [about Bobby] Do you know him?
Simon: I know of him. He's new at school. He's not very popular.
Eric: Why is that?
Simon: Everyone thinks he's weird.
Eric: Because of his outbursts, like the one in church today?
Simon: The jocks really make fun of him, especially Brian, the captain of the football team. He calls him Spazz Man. (Eric gives him a look) Well, I don't call him that!
Eric: Do you remember when I told you that all is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing?
Simon: Yes. [pauses] Let me guess. I'm the good man doing nothing.
Eric: Good and smart.

Eric: Bill!
Bill: Look, you don't understand, okay? Nobody understands!
Eric: I'm trying to...
Bill: Please just leave me alone! Please!
Eric: I want to understand. Your wife wants to understand. Hey, I'm here, but you have to open up to somebody. You have a lot of pain and anger. You can't keep it bottled up inside, or else you'll explode.
Bill: When I was growing up, I had a cousin with Tourettes. We didn't know it at the time, but later, we found out that was what he had. He had these horrible facial tics. I teased him all the time. I was really just mean. I tortured him relentlessly.
Eric: I'm not quite sure I follow.
Bill: I just can't stand to think there's some kid out there doing that to Bobby. Torturing him, making his life a nightmare, the way I did to my cousin. I mean, every time I look at him....it just reminds me of how badly I've acted in the past. Look, I did the research. Tourettes is hereditary, so basically, Bobby is the way he is because of me! You know, ADD I could deal with, but this, you know...I just don't think I can bear it.

Mary: Hey! I think we have Biology together.
Girl: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm talking to you.
Girl: Why? So you can distract me, and your friends can do something behind my back, and then you can all laugh at me some more?
Mary: I don't laugh at you.
Girl: You hang out with Laurel and those jerks she calls friends, don't you?
Mary: Sometimes. Look, I'm just trying to...
Girl: Do you have any idea how much you and your friends hurt my feelings? Do you think I'm deaf? Sometimes I wish I was, because then I wouldn't hear every little whisper and nasty comment that comes my way.
Mary: It's not fair to lump me with Laurel. I have never said anything bad about you.
Girl: Yeah. You just stand by and let it happen, which, for your information, is worse! Knowing that something is wrong and doing nothing to stop it is worse than just doing the something that's wrong.

Loves Me, Loves Me Not [4.15][edit]

Ruthie: [about Sam and David's birthday] Why can't we just celebrate it today so we can keep Valentine's sacred?
Annie: Because Valentine's isn't sacred, but the birth of those boys was sacred, so the importance of their birthday outweighs Valentine's Day.
Ruthie: I'll be sure to let Hallmark know.

Ruthie: [about Simon] What? I don't know why he's wearing Lucy's shirt, but you can bet he's not dressed like a girl for nothing!

Say a Little Prayer for Me [4.16][edit]

Eric: [to the congregation at church] My family has been talking a lot about prayer this week. The discussions began when I shared my feelings about a letter I received in the mail, sent anonymously...I will now pass the author's request on to you.

Eric: [to the church congregation] Say a prayer for the millions of children in the world who have become victims of violence...ask God to help those children who are trying to recover from the death of playmate or friend or family member...pray for the children, that they might have peace...because if we won't stop the violence in our children's lives by taking the right actions and behaving responsibly, then the very least we owe them might be the most powerful thing we can give them, our prayers.

Twelve Angry People [4.17][edit]

Lucy: [to Annie bashfully] Andrew Nayloss. [Annie smiles] I was just hoping to run into him and Mary was just hoping to run into Robbie!

Mary: What if we just walk around the Promenade. I mean it doesn't cost anything to stalk Lucy's old boyfriend.
[Lucy slaps Mary in the arm]

Eric: [to the other jurors] I'm asking you to rise above that. The evidence shows that the defendant is guilty.

Hoop Dreams [4.18][edit]

Molly: Mary, you're my hero!
Mary: No, I'm not. I'm nobody's hero.

Molly: Why don't you want to be my hero?
Mary: It's not that I don't want to be your hero. It's just that I've made a lot of mistakes, and I don't deserve to be your hero. I'm sorry. I've just...did some stupid things.
Molly's Dad: Maybe you're being a little too hard on yourself.
Mary: Yeah, or not hard enough.

John: We make such a nice couple.
Matt: [sighs] You say the sweetest things.

Talk to Me [4.19][edit]

Eric: A young woman came into my office, and she just...appeared quietly at my door, and then...she couldn't bring herself to tell me why she was there. And it's just driving me crazy because I know she needs help. You know, maybe she was abused, maybe somebody hit her. Maybe she's a runaway. Maybe she's pregnant or---maybe she has one of 1,000 other problems, but I don't know. If she doesn't come back I'll never know. She just seemed so fragile. I didn't want to push her for a conversation because if I had she just would've run off. As it was, she disappeared, like, in the blink of an eye. I think I've seen her someplace, you know, but I can't...place her.
Annie: Does she go to school with Mary and Lucy?
Eric: She could. She's the right age. I don't think I recognize her.
Annie: Well, you could scan the yearbook...oh, but then you already have!

Liar, Liar [4.20][edit]

Love Stinks (1) [4.21][edit]

Mary: Don't break my heart.
Robbie: Don't break my jaw.
Mary: Don't break my heart, and I'll have no reason to break your jaw.

Love Stinks (2) [4.22][edit]

Robbie: So are you breaking up with me?
Mary: I'm not sure. I just.. I need some time to think. And I need to figure out before I figure out us, but that doesn't mean that we're over. It's just means that you're just gonna have to have some patience this time around. I'm going to take it slow and really get to know each other. Because I think I love you, but I need to have the chance to find out what kind of man you are. So in other words, for the first time, I'm gonna look before I leap.
Robbie: So, are you gonna go to college in the fall?
Mary: I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But when I figure it out, I'll let you know. And if you don't want to wait for me while I do all of that, I'll understand.
Robbie: I'll wait for you forever.
Mary: Then I guess I'll see you in church.

Season 5[edit]

Here We Go Again [5.01][edit]

Ruthie: [about Ms. Riddle] She's mean! She's really mean. And she makes me want to do something really, really bad.

Ruthie: This isn't just about Miss Riddle and me. When I thought about it, I'm not just angry that I'm in her class again. I'm angry about a whole lot of stuff. Are we tired of being told to be quiet?
Students: Yeah!
Ruthie: Are we tired of being made to feel stupid when we don't know something?
Students: Yeah!
Ruthie: Are we tired of not being able to ask questions?
Students: Yeah!
Ruthie: We're tired of having no choices and having grown-ups making bad choices for us.
Students: Yeah!
Ruthie: We are tired of eating bad school food. Ketchup as a vegetable? I don't think so.
Students: Yeah!
Ruthie: And if we have to learn about the stuff that doesn't interest us, why can't we also learn about the stuff that does interest us? Is it too much work to give us each individual assignments if we're willing to do them?
Students: Yeah!
Ruthie: And can't the adults do something about school safety? Aren't you scared that you're gonna get shot, or that someone else is gonna get shot? I am. There are a lot of angry kids around here. Why can't someone help them do something with their anger? I can tell you that it helps just to talk. And why can't someone help the kids who come to school hungry? It's not their fault their parents can't feed them. And why can't someone help the kids who get hit every night when they go home? Can't someone protect them? Won't someone help us? I don't just need a new teacher. We need a revolution!
Students: Yeah!!! [they all stand up] Ruthie! Ruthie! Ruthie!

Mary: Hello? Is anyone listening to me? I need a car!
Annie: Hello! Earn money and buy one.
Mary: You guys bought Matt a car. Why can't you buy me a car?
Annie: Matt was going to college. You, on the other hand, are not going to college. You are working, so you can buy your own car. How much money have you saved this summer?
Mary: Saved? On what I make? Please. You guys are forcing me to buy on credit, and you can stop talking about college, because I'm not going to college until I figure out what I'm going to college for.
Eric: Well, maybe so you can earn a living and someday even have your own house, and your own car.
Mary: Well, maybe I don't want to have my own house. You don't own this home; this is the Church's home.
Eric: Yes, but this house is a benefit of my job, which I earned after five years of college and we do have a car. Two cars. Well, three if you count the one we bought for Matt, who's in college.

Annie: I've signed up for school today.
Eric: What school?
Annie: College, Crawford. I want to get my teaching credentials in early childhood education.
Eric: Now? You do know that we have 7 kids now.
Annie: We have the twins and Ruthie, but Simon starts high school tomorrow, Lucy graduates high school this year, Mary's out of high school and working and Matt is out on his own.
Eric: Matt is hardly out on his own. He sleeps out on his own. He's still a kid.
Annie: Oh stop it. He and Heather are practically married.
Eric: No they're not. That's just what we say to each other whenever we think those two might be shacking up. And Mary is going to college, she's going to go to college eventually... I hope, as soon as she figures out that she doesn't enjoy minimum wage jobs.
Annie: Unfortunately, I think Mary is quite happy with her stint in the world of minimum wage.
Eric: Well I'm not happy with it. With my luck she'll probably decide to go to college when Lucy decides to go and with Matt's we'll have 3 tuitions to pay, oh plus yours. And by the way, who says that Lucy won't have the kind of senior year that Mary had. And Simon is starting high school. Do you remember what it was like when Matt started high school? High school boys are, well they're high school boys. And we shouldn't forget Ruthie, who is well on her way to being more difficult than all the other kids rolled into one. Oh and bonus, the twins are entering the terrible twos. They are not entering, they are there.
Annie: So what are you saying? That the family is so dangerous that I can't take 1 or 2 hours away from them to take one course? I'm going back to school!
Eric: When were you going to tell me this, as you were backing out of the driveway tomorrow morning?
Annie: No, I planned to tell you just when I told you.
Eric: [sarcastically] Well, thank you, Mrs. Camden!

Mary: Yes, I'm starting a new job today.
Eric: You've had a new job every week this summer.
Mary: That's not true. I was a day camp counselor for almost three weeks.
Eric: [sarcastically] Oh, how could I forget three whole weeks?
Mary: You know, just because you're mad at Mom doesn't mean you have to take it out on me.
Eric: I'm not angry-the word is angry-at your mom, and I'm not taking it out on anyone.

Eric: I'm angry at you for just giving up on college. And now, unfortunately, I'm even angrier at you because you bought a car, and that particular car. Did you know that I worked my way through college, and I've worked for 20 years, and a sports car is my dream, and I can't afford one?
Mary: Yes, I know that, but can I help it if I can afford it?
Eric: [laughs to himself, counts to 10 to collect himself] You bought it, you pay for it. I'm gonna let you be responsible for you. And if you ever change your mind and decide you don't like working an endless string of jobs that have absolutely no meaning for you, then you're still going to have to pay for the car.
Mary: I know. Maybe I can even sell it.
Eric: Not for what you paid for it.
Mary: Well, great. If I can make money off of it, I'll put it toward my college tuition.

Help [5.02][edit]

Professor: [to Matt's college class] Here's the good news. This was just a practice test to help you prepare for the midterm. It doesn't count. Here's the bad news. Half of you didn't pass. The other half barely passed. Oh, here's some more bad news. The midterm is in two weeks, so if you don't know the material by now, when are you going to learn it? What does this all mean? For those of you who are taking organic chemistry as a requirement for pre-med, you may want to double major in pre-law, because if you don't understand chemistry, you're going to be a doctor who's gonna need a lawyer. Just wanting to be a doctor isn't good enough. You have to study hard, you have to work hard, and you have to get through this class. Class is dismissed. For some of you, I think permanently!

Matt: I'm gonna study. I just couldn't this afternoon because every time I looked up from my book, I noticed how dirty the kitchen was.
John: Well, an unclean kitchen never bothered you before.
Matt: Well, it did today, and you know, I hate to mention it, but if you had cleaned your breakfast dishes from this morning, I wouldn't have wasted my entire afternoon taking care of that little chore for you.
John: [stunned] Are you trying to blame me for you not studying? So you failed your organic chemistry pre-test because of Heather, and you didn't study this afternoon because I didn't do the dishes, and you're not studying now because your mom didn't do your laundry? (Matt nods) I'm just curious. Now, if you don't pass your chemistry midterm and get kicked out of pre-med, who are you gonna blame? Me? Heather? Your mom? The Colonel? The man on the moon? Problems in the Middle East? Global warming? What?
Matt: I don't know what you're so upset about. I'm gonna do fine on my midterm.
John: But if you don't, it won't be your fault, right?
Matt: Look, you don't understand.
John: No, I think that you don't understand organic chemistry, among other things, and you're too pigheaded to admit it, and instead of just asking for help or saying "I need help," you're blaming everyone and everything, as long as it doesn't allow you to blame yourself.
Matt: You are totally out of line.
John: I don't think I am.
Matt: Do you get good grades?
John: [smiles proudly] Yes, I do.
Matt: And? [pauses, doesn't know what to say] That's because I do everything around here, and you do nothing! [storms out]

Eric: Actually, your principal called this morning, and you're not in any trouble. He thinks he may have found a way to get you out of Miss Riddle's class.
Ruthie: Thank God!
Eric: What did you say?
Ruthie: Thank God. You should thank God. I talked to God and told him how unhappy I was at school, and asked Him to help.
Eric: You prayed to get out of Miss Riddle's class?
Ruthie: If you don't ask, you don't get. I just thought you and Mom could use some help.

Ruthie: [to her parents as they are visiting Eleanor Roosevelt School] They have horses! Horses!
Mrs. McCool: The school offers both English and western style instruction.
Ruthie: And there's no homework!
Mrs. McCool: We feel the children work hard during the day. At night, they should be free to relax and be kids. After all, we do have them seven hours a day. Of course, if Ruthie would like to spend time at home studying any subject beyond the core curriculum, we'll set up an individual program for her.
Ruthie: I may want to do that, considering I don't have to be at school until TEN!
Mrs. McCool: [laughs] We have a flexible schedule. Students can start as late as ten, but then they go until five. Not every student does his or her best work early in the morning. Plus, we have a 14 to 1 student ratio and a whole list of after-school trips and projects. Last year, we took a group of students to the National Gallery in Washington, D.C. and met the President. I think that Ruthie would make a wonderful addition to our school. If you have any questions, please call.
Eric and Annie: Thank you. [they shake her hand]
Mrs. McCool: Bye, Ruthie. [leaves]
Ruthie: Boy, when God answers a prayer, he answers a prayer!
Annie: Does that mean you want to go to school here?
Ruthie: Oh, yeah!

Lucy: If you got into that school, you should be honored. You should go.
Ruthie: No. I will not go! You cannot make me! I'm just going to run away.
Lucy: If you run away, you'll still have to make all new friends.
Ruthie: No I won't. My friend Sarah will come with me and we'll join the circus, and when we're old enough we'll marry clowns!
Lucy: You have put way too much thought into this whole thing.
Ruthie: Why has God forsaken me? WHY?

Eric: [about Mary] Look, Annie and I aren't happy that she's not going to college, but she's working. She's earning a living, paying her bills.
Colonel: Who let her buy the car?
Eric: No one let her. She just went out and bought it. And as much as I think she shouldn't have, that car is a responsibility that she can't run away from. She has to work hard and and keep her job because she has to pay for that car.
Colonel: Son, to win a war you've got to fight. You got to get in there and get your hands dirty and make something happen, and you have to have a battle plan. What's your battle plan?
Eric: This isn't a war.
Colonel: Oh, it's a war, all right. And a stake is Mary's future.
Eric: As much as we would like to force Mary into doing what we know is best for her, we can't. She's an adult. She has to do this on her own.
Colonel: And what if she doesn't?
Eric: She will.

Colonel: All right. You need money? I can help you. I have a friend who owns a clothing goods store and could use your help. It doesn't sound like much, but there's room for growth. And if you do decide to go to college, they will work around your schedule.
Mary: So you'll talk to a friend who can get me a job, but you won't lend me the money yourself?
Colonel: Right.
Mary: I don't want to work at a clothing goods store.

Mary: Ah. I see. So you're going to help me, but only if I do exactly what you, Mom and Dad want me to do.
Colonel: Well, I'm not just going to give you money.
Mary: You're not giving it to me! It's a loan!
Colonel: No.

Colonel: Mary, if you ever change your mind and need help, you let me know.
Mary: I'm not going to change my mind. I don't need help, I need money. So thank you for nothing!

Mary: [on the phone with insurance people] I am begging you, please don't cancel my policy. I know, but I got fired, and you have to give me more than a couple of days to come up with the money.....I can't drive my car without insurance! Don't you get it? No car equals no job. I have to have insurance! Look, you can tell whomever you want that you're cancelling my insurance, but you can't stop me from driving my own car. Oh, yeah? Watch me! [slams phone down]

Losers [5.03][edit]

Ruthie: Why is Mary's car in the driveway? Isn't she supposed to be at work, or did she get fired again?!
Lucy: Time for school!
Mary: What's up?
Eric: You tell us. Is this your day off?
Annie: Did you get fired?
Eric: Building burned down? Business close for an epidemic?
Mary: Uh-uh.
Ruthie: Quit?
Mary: I just got another job that's all. I'm working at Pete's Pizza. I just didn't like the pool hall. I kept getting the day shift, and, well, I like the night life, I like to boogie.
Ruthie: Is it me or is she starting to spin?

Mary: They want me to work the double shift today: 12:00 to 12:00.
Ruthie: Well, maybe we can do something then.
Mary: Yeah, maybe we could. Hey, I could bring a pizza home with me and I could wake you up, and we could have a midnight snack.
Ruthie: Yeah! Then you could sleep over in my room!
Mary: Okay. It's a date!

Guy: [to Mary, who is their waitress at a pizza place] Hey, you want to sit down and have a piece with us?
Mary: Um, no. I don't. Can I get you anything else?
Guy: Yeah. I'll have your phone number written on your underwear!

Guy: [in a taunting voice] Hey, Mary, we're saving a piece for ya!
Frankie: [walks over to the table] Do you know who you're talking to? Minister's daughter. Give her a break. Behave yourself.
Guy: And if we don't?
Frankie: Then you're all going to hell.
Everyone: [humored] Ooooooh!
Frankie: I mean it.

Johnny: [about the customers harassing Mary] Let my wife handle them. She's good with those types.
Mary: Frances is your wife?
Johnny: Not Frances. No one calls her Frances. It's Frankie. We've been married for a year.
Mary: But you look so young!
Johnny: We are young. Frankie's your age, and I'm 21.
Mary: Yeah, I thought about getting married once, too.
Johnny: What changed your mind?
Mary: I don't know. I guess I just wasn't ready.
Johnny: Yeah, well, neither were we, but the baby changed all that.

Frankie: I'm just gonna have a cigarette. You want one?
Mary: Oh, no, thanks, I don't smoke.
Frankie: Neither did I. Well, I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, but as soon as I popped Mercy out, I lit up again.
Mary: Mercy. What a great name.
Frankie: She's a great baby. She's real good, she never cries. Probably because my mother watches her most of the time. She's good with babies. It's teenagers she can't handle.

Eric: Hey. You going to bed already?
Ruthie: Soon. I have to get up at midnight. Mary's bringing home pizza, and we're having a sleepover! It's gonna be great!
Eric: Would you like me to set the clock alarm so you get up on time?
Ruthie: You're the best dad ever!
Eric: Gosh. You know...it seems like just yesterday Mary was your age.

[After Mary has been pulled over for being suspected of drinking and driving]
Officer: Look, don't ever be in such a hurry that you aren't careful. I want you to be able to have pizza with your sister for the rest of your life.
Mary: Yeah. So do I.

Mary: I love you, Ruthie.
Ruthie: If you loved me, you would have been home at midnight. [turns over and closes her eyes]

Busted [5.04][edit]

Johnny: Fire's ready. [sits down with a beer]
Frankie: So, if the fire's ready...
Johnny: Do I have to do everything?
Frankie: Well, I did everything else!
Johnny: Fine, I'll cook the steaks! [storms out]
Frankie: [to Mary] Don't ever get married.
Mary: Marriage takes a lot of work.
Frankie: You have no idea.

Frankie: [on phone with Mary] Hey, what if you and I both decided to sign up for college together next semester?
Johnny: [smirks in the background] Be sure to apply for that scholarship!
Mary: Are you serious?
Frankie: Sure, I'm serious. I don't know what I want to do, either, but I know I don't want to wait tables for the rest of my life.

Mary: Is that... Is that pot?
Frankie: Yeah. I just need it to loosen up. This whole mother and wife gig really sucks.

Frankie: Why do you always have to act like this when somebody comes over?
Johnny: I don't act like this whenever someone comes over, I act like this all the time.
Frankie: Right. You do act like this all the time. So when are you going to grow up?
Johnny: Get off my case, will you?
Frankie: You could at least help me out a little around here. It's not like I ask you to do that much.
Johnny: You don't ask me to do that much? You asked me to marry you, didn't you?

Frankie: [about Johnny] He's not such a bad guy, you know. He wanted to go to college, too, major in English Lit, and be a writer.
Mary: Hey. We all still have plenty of time to be whatever it is we want to be, right?
Frankie: Right. [The baby starts crying from her crib] Whatever I'm going to be doesn't change who I already am: a mom.

Frankie: It just seems so unfair. You make one little mistake, you know?
Mary: Yeah, I know. I made a big mistake once, too. I got arrested last year for trashing the school gym.
Frankie: [laughs] Arrested? You?
Mary: Yeah. I'm still on probation.
Frankie: Oh, so that's why you don't drink or smoke or anything.
Mary: Yeah, kind of.....but also because I feel so out of control, anyway--like I couldn't get my life back on track even if I wanted to. Not that I want to--I mean, it's not so bad, but it's just...
Frankie: Existing. Just existing. I know what you mean. Every time I make an effort to do something, it just feels like there's so much resistance...and I give up before I even start trying.
Mary: Maybe we could help each other. Maybe we could make an effort together. Maybe we could go to college and see if anything changes. I brought the brochures--do you want to look at them?
Frankie: No, not right now, I'm too out of it. Maybe some other time.
Mary: [disappointed] Yeah. Maybe some other time. [stands up]
Frankie: No, don't say it like that. Don't give up on me. I need a friend.
Mary: Well, I need a friend too.

Frankie: [on phone with Mary] Hey, your dad got us out. Thanks so much for getting him to help us.
Mary: You know, I was kind of surprised you called him.
Frankie: Yeah, well, I didn't know who else to call. After I got pregnant, my mom told me never to call her again if I got into trouble. Of course, your dad made me promise to talk to her, and to a counselor, and whatever. But at least I didn't have to call her from jail, you know? (pause) You are really lucky to have parents who are always there for you.

Mary: Dad, please. They really are my friends. Frankie is my friend! She asked me to bring over those college brochures tonight so we could look over them, and make a plan to go back to school.
Eric: And did you?
Mary: [pause] No.
Eric: Because she was too stoned? Mary, who are you and what are you doing with these people?

Mary: [about Frankie and Johnny] They are good people. They're both working, and they're trying to raise this kid, and it's really hard...
Eric: So hard that they have to smoke pot?

Mary: [about Frankie and Johnny] If you're not going to help them, I'll help them.
Eric: How? You don't have a job, you don't have any money. You have to help yourself before you can help anyone else!

Blind [5.05][edit]

Frankie: I came all this way to beg you in person. Please watch Mercy. Please. Be my friend, and do me this one favor. I just need an hour, and your sister said your aunt and uncle would be gone all day. [pauses] I think Johnny's cheating on me. I want to follow him, catch him in the act. And I can't do that unless you watch Mercy.
Mary: [hesitates] One hour, right?
Frankie: Two hours max.
Mary: Please don't blow this.
Frankie: I won't. I won't. I'll just go get Mercy.
Mary: You left her in the car?
Frankie: I rolled the window down. Man, you're the best friend ever. [leaves]
Mary: Yeah, or the stupidest friend ever.

Johnny: None of this is my fault. I didn't want a baby. I didn't want to get married.
Eric: But you did want sex, right? That you did want. You just didn't want the responsibility that comes with the sex.

Annie: What are you doing?
Frankie: What do you mean?
Annie: What are you doing with that man?
Frankie: Look, Johnny is a great husband and father.
Annie: He tried to hit you. He would have hit you if my husband hadn't stepped in.
Frankie: But I love him, okay?
Annie: Do you love Mercy?
Frankie: Of course I love her!
Annie: Then why do you keep putting her at risk? If Johnny had hit you, or if someone had called the police, you and Johnny would be in jail right now. If that happened, then what would happen to Mercy?

Frankie: Are you actually suggesting that I leave Johnny? I can't raise a kid on my own.
Annie: You can't stay with a man who hits you. You can't. Mercy will grow up thinking that's what women do: they get hit. Is that what you want to teach her?

Julie: This was a mistake. I'm never leaving Erica again, ever!
Mary: Please don't say that.
Hank: We come home, the house is a mess, the baby is a mess, there's another baby here we don't even know. You had guests over after we told you not to, and you were drinking. What is wrong with you?

Mary: The beer isn't mine, it's Frankie's. Frankie drank it.
Hank: That's your defense. "The beer belongs to my pot-smoking friend?" How stupid do you think we are?
Julie: Let's just forget the fact that I'm a recovering alcoholic, and that any trace of alcohol in my house doesn't exactly make me happy. Let's assume that you're telling the truth, it's not your beer. Let's talk about how you, my underage niece, happens to have be involved with an underage friend who has beer. What's happened to you? Who are you?

Julie: I don't know if I believe Mary.
Hank: I think we should tell Eric and Annie about her--about the beer, and that she's still hanging out with Frankie.
Julie: I hate to get her in trouble. If this were an isolated incident. She wasn't drunk. She could be telling the truth.
Hank: But if she is in trouble, and we don't say anything, how are we going to feel later? That we knew she was in trouble, and we did nothing.

Lucy: I'm sorry about tonight I was trying to watch everyone and I shouldn't have let Simon sneak out of the house.
Eric: It's not your fault you weren't in charge of Simon. Simon is in charge of Simon.

Simon: [about his earring] But if I take it out, the hole will close up!
Eric: Exactly!
Simon: That's not fair. Why can't I keep the earring?
Ruthie: Because you look like a girl!
Annie: You went out of the house tonight without our permission. You went to the house of someone we don't know and have never met. At that house you allowed that someone we don't know to pierce your ear.
Eric: Be grateful that the only thing we're doing is making you take out your earring out.
Simon: Fine!

Lucy: Why don't you girls go outside and play, and I'll set us up a picnic lunch?
Rachel: I don't like eating outside. It's a bug thing.
Lucy: Okay. Well, then, we'll have a picnic indoors.
Sarah: With orange soda?
Rachel: I don't like orange soda, and neither does Ruthie.
Sarah: Ruthie likes orange soda.
Lucy: Who wants a cookie?
Rachel: Ruthie's my best friend, and I think I know if she likes orange soda!
Sarah: She was my best friend first.
Rachel: But you obviously don't know her as well as I do!
Sarah: Yes, I do.
Rachel: NO, YOU DON'T!
Lucy: Really. Taste a cookie. They're still warm.
Rachel: What's Ruthie's favorite color?
Sarah: Purple.
Rachel: Blue! What does she want to be when she grows up?
Sarah: A vet.
Rachel: Queen Elizabeth! See, I told you that you didn't know her. I know her. She's my best friend!

Lucy: [to Sarah and Rachel] Okay, I have been listening to you two all day, and a couple of things are clear. You both like Ruthie, and you both have a different relationship with Ruthie--which happens. Different people see different things in you, and they bring out different qualities, and...
Rachel: No offense, but if I wanted an after-school special lecture, I'd turn on my TV.
Lucy:[to Rachel] Okay. You be quiet for a second and listen to me! [to Sarah] And you! well, you like adults. And I'm an adult, a very tired adult, who's tired of having to listen to you and Rachel fight. I need a time-out, an adult time-out, which can only happen if you both go home. Now. Right away. I will call your parents and tell them whatever you want me to tell them, but please just go home! I promise that Ruthie will have you both over again separately!

Broke [5.06][edit]

Simon: [when Mary wants to borrow money] No, no, no!
Mary: I will drive you on dates or anywhere you want to go.
Simon: Your car seats two. Where's my date supposed to sit, in the trunk?

Simon: This isn't Mary. I'm her brother Simon.
Collector: Well, when Mary gets in, would you tell her that if she doesn't pay these bills immediately, we will involve the local authorities.
Simon: Wait, you mean the police?
Collector: Yes. You can't just charge for merchandise and not pay your bills; there are laws. And if we have to, we'll enforce those laws to recoup our losses.

Simon: What are we gonna do about this?
Lucy: We're gonna let Mary handle it. It's her problem, not ours.
Ruthie: Please don't let them put Mary in jail again.
Simon: You say to let Mary handle it, but she's not. We're the ones getting the calls, and sooner or later Mom and Dad are gonna find out. And deadbeat or not, she's still our sister.

Lucy: See the trick isn't getting the job, it's keeping the job.
Mary: Why are you so snotty?
Lucy: Considering I spent the day dodging creditors and breaking into piggy banks, I think I'm entitled to be a little snotty.

Matt: This is Bernie, Mary Camden's attorney.
Credit Card Collector: Mary Camden can't afford to pay a $50 bill but she has an attorney?

Mary: I'm sorry. I haven't been completely honest with you. But from now on no more lies. Yes, honesty is my new policy.
[The phone rings and Mary gets fired]
Lucy: Who was that?
Mary: Wrong number.

Eric:[about Mary] You know, she quit her job at the pool hall, she quit her job at Pete's Pizza. She doesn't have any friends. Well, not any good ones. She needs a job.
Annie: Yes, Mary needs a job, and money, and friends, good ones. But she has bills to pay. She also needs to take a job to pay those bills. And the job she takes probably won't be a job she loves or even likes. And then she'll see how important it is to have a job you love. And jobs people love usually involve training and/or education. That will force her to set goals and move forward
Eric: Are you just going to will her into this realization?
Annie: She's not on our schedule. We need to give her time. She'll realize it when she realizes it.
Eric: In the meantime, no job plus no money equals no car, right? I mean, if she can't pay for the car, she'll lose it.
Annie: So let her lose the car.
Eric: This isn't about losing Mary's car. This is about losing Mary!
Annie: You think I don't know that? You know, just because I'm not a minister or a therapist doesn't mean I don't know when she's in trouble. I'm her mother! And I think she needs to be the one to ask for help, and she's not ready yet!
Eric: Well, I'm her father, and I say she needs help now, whether she asks for it or not!
Annie: What you mean to say is that you're the expert, and what you say goes!

Bye [5.07][edit]

Matt: [about Mary and her money problems] I don't have time for this.
Lucy: I don't have time for this, either! I have a paper to write!
Matt: You know, I don't even know why we're yelling at each other when we should really be yelling at Mary.
Lucy: We can't yell at Mary. We can't find her!

Annie: You stole $500 from your own brothers?! From babies?!
Ruthie: I'm sorry, it's all my fault. Punish me any way you like.
Matt: What's going on?
Eric: What do you think is going on? Your 10-year-old sister is lying about stealing money so the rest of you can cover for Mary.
Annie: Is that it? Is that the truth!?
Ruthie: No! You're wrong! I took it. I'm very bad. I'm a very bad girl.
Matt: No, Ruthie. I'm a very bad big brother for letting this happen.

Mary: [after her parents find a joint in her bedroom] I can't believe you searched my room! What are you, communists? I have rights, you know!
Annie: I guess I just can't explain this often enough. A right is something that can never be taken away from you. For example, you have the right to be indignant now, and I can't take that away, but privacy? Well, privacy is a privilege when you live with your parents, and privileges can be taken away. Now, we knew that you were in trouble, but we had no idea that you were this far down the road!

Eric: Have you ever tried smoking marijuana?
Mary: Well, even if I did, what is so wrong with experimenting? I mean, what's the harm in just trying it? Everybody's gonna try it sometime.
Eric: Well, first of all, not everyone. Not me, for example. And secondly, let me see if I can answer the "what's the harm" question. I suppose for some people, nothing ever comes from the fact that they tried smoking pot, but for other people, plenty comes from the fact that they tried smoking pot. Lifelong, illegal habits. The need to try other, harder drugs. Addiction to those drugs. Arrest. Conviction. Jail time. Those kinds of things. The question really is, to which people do you belong? There's no way of knowing. But "experimenting" to find out? That's quite a risk, don't you think? I think it is, especially for someone who's on probation.

Annie: You stole money from your own brothers?! From babies?! This is pathetic. Really pathetic. We had no idea that you were this far down the road.
Mary: I am not in trouble.
Eric: Life gets so complicated when you don't tell the truth.
Mary: So what's best for everyone is to ship me off to Siberia to live with old people?!
Annie: Yep, that's basically it. You will live with your grandparents, you will take a job working at a homeless shelter, with your first few checks going to Sam and David. And in January, you and Grandma will take a course.
Mary: What if I am not going to do this?
Annie: In my heart of hearts, I know this is the right thing. This is the right thing to do! I love you! Remember what you said, it's better to have an angry kid then a dead kid!

Matt: [to Mary] Look, I'm sorry I haven't been around much. You're important to me. What happens to you is important to me. What happens to you is important to everyone in the family, but I've been watching you, and I haven't really been interested in being a part of anything that's going on in your life, so I've basically avoided you, but maybe I should have cornered you and given you my take on what you're doing a lot sooner. I've seen so many young women who are losers, mostly in the emergency room or entering drug rehab at the hospital. I don't want you to be a loser. It's too easy to be the bad girl. You're better than that. I know I'm not perfect. I know I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you this. The most powerful thing I ever did for myself was make up my mind to become a responsible person, and I still haven't worked up to being responsible 24 hours a day, but I'm getting better at it. And I'm hoping that sharing this with you will help you make up your mind to become a responsible person! If you can't do it for yourself, then maybe you could consider the rest of us, and how much we need you to be responsible. Whatever you do affects us all. I know you know that, and yet you act like you don't care. All of us have to strive to be the best we can be, not because anything else is unacceptable, but because anything else is just plain misery. I can see you're miserable. You are. This is not the best you can do. You can do better, and I will do anything I can to help you do better. You just have to make up your mind that that's what you want to do, and I'm there for you. We all are.

Simon: [to Mary] I know I'm considered "The Bank of Simon", and you all laugh at that, but here's what I like about money. It tells you right who you are in numbers, not words that can hurt your feelings or make you mad. Numbers are undisputed facts, and the fact is, your numbers point to trouble. It's simple. You don't make as much as you spend, and you don't make enough to meet your obligations. You'd see that if you looked at the numbers, but I know you don't like to do that. I can help you set up a budget and a payment schedule if you want, but even if you don't want, take my advice. Don't spend anything else until you pay off your debt, and then don't get into debt again! And the first thing you have to pay off is your personal debt--the money you owe Sam and David. Now, I know that a lot of people would put that off to last, and maybe a professional finance guy would tell you to pay your institutional lenders first, but I'm your brother, and I'm telling you that morally, the right thing to do is to pay people first, especially relatives. And when you see that little column of debt marked "Sam and David" reach zero debt, that zero is going to tell you right who you are, just like I said. It's gonna say that you, Mary Camden, care more about your family than anyone else. It's gonna say that you care about keeping your promises to your family more than anything else. And when you see all those other little columns of debt go down, week after week, the page is gonna tell the facts of your debt recovery. It's a beautiful thing, and I want you to have a beautiful thing, because I love you.

Lucy:[to Mary] I love you, too. All right, this is hard. (trying not to cry) You're my big sister. And I look up to you. Or at least I did. You've always been better at school than I am, you've always been better at everything than I am. And that, at times, has made me feel inferior. Yet most of the time, it's given me something to work toward, because I wanted to be like you. But I don't want to be like you anymore.

Ruthie: [to Mary] I must be at the wrong meeting. I don't know where all this chummy advice and gushy stuff is coming from, because I thought we were all supposed to tell you how mad we are. I'm mad, really mad. You're selfish. You don't care anything about the rest of us, so I don't know why we're all supposed to care so much about you. You act like you're the center of the entire Camden universe! I'm tired of eating a cold dinner every night because we're all hoping you'll come home and eat with us. I'm tired of waking up every night when you clump up those stairs. I'm tired of Mom and Dad fighting about you. I'm tired of covering for you, and I'm not doing it anymore! You made me lie to Mom and Dad, you never came home to have pizza with me like you promised. All you care about is you!

Lucy: Please don't leave like this.
Mary: How did you think I was going to leave? I am being sent off to live with the Colonel and Grandma Ruth in Buffalo! You know what Buffalo is like, and you know what they are like! What made you think I was going to be happy, huh?! What?
Lucy: I didn't know anything about it, OK? And maybe Mom and Dad are more concerned with your safety than your happiness!
Mary: Get out!
Lucy: Is this how you're gonna say goodbye?
Mary: Yeah, yeah. This is how I'm gonna say goodbye. And you can tell the rest of them to stay out of here, because I don't want to talk to any of you!

Mary: [screams out angrily to Eric and Annie] I'll meet you in the car! [slams the door]
Annie: Mary wouldn't leave without saying good-bye to her brothers and sisters, would she?
Eric: Don't be surprised if she gets on the plane without even saying good-bye to us.
Annie: I hate this.

Gossip [5.08][edit]

Man #1:[gossiping in Church as Eric gives his sermon] I heard they sent Mary off to rehab.
Woman #1: I heard she's pregnant.
Woman #2: She had to get married.
Woman #3: No, she's in prison!
Man #2: She just went crazy. They put her in an institution.
Woman #4: An institution? How could they have a daughter like that? The Camdens are such good people.
Man #3: I heard Mary ran away, and they don't know where she is.
Teenager #1: She's pregnant and she robbed Pete's Pizza.
Teenager #2: No way!
Teenager #1: It's all over town!
Mrs. Beeker: She stole money out of the register at the pool hall.
Woman #5: I heard she dropped a baby on its head.
Mrs. Beeker: Her baby, right?
Woman #5: I don't think so.
Man #4: I heard she has a drinking problem. That's how she got pregnant. The drinking!
Mrs. Beeker: She was drinking and driving.
Man #4: In the nude!
Mrs. Beeker: It's just another case of a good girl gone bad.
Eric:[unaware of the gossip going around] Amen.

Lucy: You told your principal that I have a learning disability, Simon doesn't talk, Matt lives in his car, Dad lost his job and Mom drinks? And how am I responsible for this?
Ruthie: Your friend Mike. He said that if people felt sorry for us, then they'd stop gossiping about Mary so that's what I did to make people feel sorry for us.
Lucy: Well, you made your principal feel sorry for us.
Ruthie: No, just like Mike said, I told someone in authority, someone people listen to. Mrs. McCool will tell other people. It'll work.
Lucy: I notice that you didn't tell your principal that you have any problems.
Ruthie: My problem is that I have you guys for a family!

Eric: We talked to Mrs. McCool.
Annie: Why would you make up stories about the family like that?
Ruthie: I thought that if I got people to feel sorry for us, they'd stop talking about Mary. I thought that if Mary knew everyone was talking about her, she wouldn't want to come home. I'm still mad at her for messing up, but I want her to come home.

Tunes [5.09][edit]

Norton : Mmm, look at you. You look like you need a man
Ruthie : I think he just called you a bad word. A really, really, bad word

[Norton Laughs]

Norton : Hey, look, the little one knows what I called her sister. But the sister don't know. Or she know what true?
Lucy : She know what true? Look you arrogant little...what are you, a pimp? Get away from me

[Slaps Lucy's bottom]

Lucy : Do something
Worker : Like what?
Lucy : Like, get that guy out of here
Worker : He didn't hurt you
Lucy : He slapped me
Worker : From the looks of you, it couldn't have hurt
Lucy : In fact, you're just as disgusting as he is. I want to see the manager
Manager : That'd be me
Ruthie : What's a pimp?
Lucy : It's a guy who hates woman

Surprise! [5.10][edit]

Lucy: Do my parents know your here?
Robbie: Yeah. Your dad brought me home.

Eric: [after Lucy hugs him] What was that for?
Lucy: For being my dad

Home [5.11][edit]

Annie: If you weren't available to baby-sit Sam and David, who do you think I could get to baby-sit?
Eric: Well Ruthie's not old enough, so Robbie?
Annie: NEVER!
Eric: Robbie, never?
Annie: And you know why? Robbie is just the border. You do not leave our children with the border. Not the children we created and I gave birth to. Responsible family members and qualified babysitters only. Robbie is neither. He is just a border
Annie: You need to find him a job so he can find a place to live.
Eric: I'm working on it. Even Robbie's working on it.
Annie: Well, work faster. Why do you like him so much?
Eric: Why do you like him so little?
Annie: If Mary finds out he's living here, there's going to be hell to pay. That's right, I said it. HELL! So get him out.

Matt: I have to move back home.
Annie: Have to?
Matt: I have to protect the women.
Annie: Congratulations. That is the most ridiculous excuse you've come up yet.

One Hundred [5.12][edit]

Annie: Who would leave a baby on our doorstep?
Ruthie: God.
Annie: That's sweet, but I think God had a little help on this one.

Robbie: What's that pizza lady's baby doing here?
Annie: You've seen this baby?
Robbie: Yeah, at Pete's Pizza.
Annie: Frankie and Johnny.
Robbie: Yeah, that's her name. Frankie. She works at Pete's and brings the baby in with her sometimes.
Annie: Are you sure this is her?
Robbie: No offense, I know all babies are beautiful, but I'd recognize that head anywhere.

Eric: I still can't believe I forgot my birthday!
Ruthie: You're old. Old people forget stuff.

Eric: You were doing so well.
Mary: I still am doing well.
Eric: You know. I'm really happy to see you, but you're in a lot of trouble.
Mary: Trouble?
Eric: Running away from the Colonel and Ruth's to sneak off and see Robbie? Yeah, I think I'd qualify that as trouble.
Mary: What? Dad, I didn't come here to see Robbie. I came here to see you. It was supposed to be a surprise. I mean, Mom thought we could get Robbie here and back to pick me up without you ever noticing.
Eric: Wait a minute. Your MOTHER knew about this??
Mary: Everyone knew.

Lucy: [as Eric opens Lucy's acceptance letter to seminary school] Happy birthday, Dad. I know what I want to be. I'm going to study theology and become a minister. Just like you. Well, I hope I'll be as good as you--I'm gonna try. I found out a while ago, but I wanted to save it and give it to you for your birthday. It was either that or a tie.

Annie: So basically, this is about your pride. Pride is not a luxury that you can afford if you want to keep your baby. You have to talk to your parents.
Johnny: I can't. They said they would never forgive me. They won't talk to me.
Annie: Yes, they will. I spoke with them earlier on the phone. They want to talk with you, they want to help. So now, all you have left to do is swallow your pride, get up off that bench, and go and call them. We can go back to Pete's and call them.
Johnny: It's not going to be easy.
Annie: Being a parent never is. Let's go.

Lucy: Your mother spoke to me.
Mike: What? That's great! She spoke? That's unbelievable!
Lucy: She told me she wants you to put her in an institution. It's not great!
Mike: Why would my mom want that?
Lucy: I think the reason she hasn't been talking is because she thought that not talking to you would drive you away or make you put her away.
Mike: I don't understand.
Lucy: I think your mom blames herself for your suicide attempt and your father's death.
Mike: She said that?
Lucy: She didn't have to. A couple years ago, a friend of mine died in a car accident. She was on her way to pick me up, and the next thing I knew, she was dead, and her sister was in the hospital. I was convinced that the accident was all my fault. I was so sure that the accident was all my fault, I couldn't even bring myself to go to her funeral. I kept thinking that if she hadn't been on her way to pick me up, she'd still be alive. I felt so guilty. To be honest, even today, I still feel a little guilty.
Mike: What are you getting at?
Lucy: If my friend were alive, the one thing I would want her to hear from her is forgiveness. I would want her to tell me that it was not my fault. Maybe that's selfish, I don't know. And I know that my experience is nothing compared to what you and your mom have been through, but guilt is guilt, and guilt is a very powerful thing.

Mike: [to his mother] I need to talk to you, and I need for you to really hear me. I'm not putting you in a hospital. Not now, not ever. If you won't talk to me for the rest of my life, I still won't ever do that. I love you unconditionally, forever, and nothing you do will ever change that. [long pause] Mom, Dad did what Dad did. He killed himself. He did it. Not me, not you. He made the decision and just did it. It wasn't your fault. He had problems, and he chose death as a solution. It was a bad solution. Actually, it's no solution. Death solves nothing. It only leaves pain and torment for everyone you leave behind. Dad was selfish, and it was wrong. I know this because I was selfish. I was wrong. I tried death myself. I tried it. I tried to end my life. Me, not you. Me. I took the pills. I drank the vodka. I locked the door, and I waited to die. I gave up on life. Me. Not you! I failed. I, I, I! Not Dad, not you, not anyone. I thought giving up would be easier than getting over Dad. I was wrong, and it was not in your power to stop me. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I have free will. I just exercised it in the wrong direction. I want to see you embrace life and stop feeling badly. You've done nothing but be a great mom. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.
Mrs. Pierce:[long pause] So…you forgive me?
Mike: There's nothing to forgive. You didn't do anything but love me and Dad!

Kiss [5.13][edit]

Lucy: I got all this fun senior stuff coming up: Valentine's, Senior Prom, Graduation. I want a guy for all that.
Eric: What are you going to do while you wait for the guy?
Lucy: Well, I got classes, friends, family, Habitat for Humanity...
Eric: Right. Luce, you got a life with or without a guy. When you do get a guy, he'll be the luckiest guy in the world because he's got you.
Lucy: Thanks.

Matt: What's wrong with you?
Annie: Nothing. My own children won't call me Mama.
Matt: Mama.
Annie: Did I mention they're calling Ruthie "Mama"? But Sam and David said "Mama" first. And now they won't say it to me. It was a gift and now they've taken it back. It's just not fair.

V-Day [5.14][edit]

Annie: I wonder who Robbie could be going out with.
Ruthie: Whoever it is, it's not Mary.
Eric: But this is a good thing, right?
Simon: I think it was a good thing until we started liking him, now I'm not so sure.
Lucy: So what are we going to do?
Eric: There's nothing I think we can do.
Annie: There's plenty we can do. We're Camdens.

Matt: So who did you go with out with?
Robbie: Who do you think I went out with?
Matt: Cheryl? Really that's who it was?
Robbie: It's not going to work for us. But I thought I should give it a try.
Matt: Well, why didn't it work out?
Robbie: Because I'm hopelessly in love with your sister.

Robbie: I'm comfortable with you. I can be who I am with you.
Cheryl: And what about Mary? You're not comfortable with Mary because you have to be a better person to be with Mary? [Robbie lets out a deep sigh] Be a better person, Robbie. Be the person you want to be. Be the person I know you can be. I love you for who you are, but I can see that you're changing. And if Mary Camden keeps you changing for the better, then love her, not me because I want someone who feels about me the way you feel about Mary. So I understand, I really do. I don't want comfortable, I want thrilled. I deserve thrilled. And I'm going to get thrilled, just not this Valentine's Day.
Robbie: Thanks for dumping me again.
Cheryl: Anytime. Happy Valentine's Day, Robbie.

Sweeps [5.15][edit]

Robbie: Hey Mary. Um...how's it going?
Mary: How's it going? How's it going!? What is wrong with you people? Isn't anyone happy to see me?
Robbie: Of course I am.
Mary: Then how about showing it?
Robbie: Okay. [kisses her cheek]
[An angry and frustrated Mary grabs Robbie and gives him a long kiss on the lips]
Mary: That says "happy to see you." And that is what I came home for!

Eric: Is this your wallet?
Simon: Yeah it's my wallet.
Eric: And just where did you get a condom?
Simon: I rather not say.
Robbie: Me. I gave it to him.
Eric: Simon, haven't we always talked about sex?
Simon: In the abstract.
Eric: Well that's why we talk about it in the abstract so that one day where it becomes personal, you'll feel free talking about it.
Simon: I know what you'd say. I knew you say I was too young.
Eric: Well, you are too young.
Simon: But Dad, being too young has nothing to do with this?
Eric: How's that?
Simon: The opportunity was there. Too young or not, it made me feel like a man just to have the opportunity. That's what men do. They have sex.
Eric: Well men say no to sex when they have the opportunity, but it's not the right thing to do.
Simon: Dad, I know. I said no.
Eric: Thank you for being responsible.

Robbie: I didn't have what you had growing up. I didn't have someone who set boundaries or showed me what is clearly right and what is clearly wrong. They thought I'd learn that from TV or something, but I didn't. My parents did the best they could for who they are, but who they are is two people who were no more capable of creating a functional family than their parents were. My mom always wanted to be my best friend. I didn't need a best friend. I needed a mother! And my father, he was never around, but when he was, he was a real jerk.
Mary: You and I are not your parents.
Robbie: We're not your parents, either. While you may have a shot at having the kind of relationship your parents have, I'm not so sure I do. It takes more than wanting. It takes doing and I've got a lot to do.

Parents [5.16][edit]

Ed: You are not Robbie's father!
Eric: Neither are you.
Ed: Sticks and stones. Ouch.

Ashley: You wouldn't understand. You have a mother. A real mother. Sometimes, I wish I had a real mother, too, not someone who would rather be my friend than my mother. Friends, I have. People to go to parties and dances with, I have. A mother, I don't have and haven't had since my parents got divorced. That's when my mother decided that she didn't want to be a mother anymore.
Lucy: I had no idea you felt this way. I thought you liked having a mother who was hip and cool and un-motherlike.
Ashley: What's so hip and cool about being locked in some stranger's bathroom while your mother flirts and carries on with some guy who's too old for us and too young for her? Welcome to the dark side of having a hip and cool mom.

Serena: You know, just because you bake cookies and make lunches and drive a carpool does not make you better than me. It does not mean you're a better mother! I am a good mother, too!
Annie: This isn't about us! This is about you and your daughter. It's about you growing up and acting your age. This is about you being an adult so she can be a child. It's about parenthood and it has nothing to do with cookies, and everything to do with raising children! Helping them find their way, loving them and putting their needs first. How is your daughter supposed to learn how to be a mother if you won't be a mother to her?

Ashley: Mom, can you grow up and act your age for just once?
Serena: You cannot talk to me like that. I am your mother!
Ashley: My mother? I thought I was your best friend. Which one is it? Mother or best friend?
Serena: Can't I be both?
Ashley: No! Because I want a mother who tells me what to do. A mother who tells me to do my homework, to go to bed. I want a mother with her own life, her own friends. I don't want a mother who makes a fool of herself, flirting around with some guy who's half her age! I know it isn't all about me, but why does it have to be all about you?

Eric: I'm sorry.
Robbie: Sorry for what? For caring about me? For giving me the first real home I ever had? For being the dad I never had and always wanted? For forgiving me my past mistakes and being so supportive and kind? You have nothing to be sorry for.

Crazy [5.17][edit]

Dr. Bennett: Enthusiasm is good for a good life.
Matt: Yeah, that's just what Doc said.

Apologize [5.18][edit]

Mary: I think I have to tell you that I have a boyfriend.
Wilson: Here in Buffalo?
Mary: No, back home.
Wilson: In Glenoak?
Mary: Yeah... In Glenoak... At my home. Robbie lives with my family.
Wilson: Is he planning to move out here?
Mary: No.
Wilson: Are you planning to back there?
Mary: No.
Wilson: Long distance relationships don't usually work out.
Mary: I know.

Robbie: I think you should come home, Mary.
Mary: I'm sorry, Robbie, but I'm not ready to come home.

Virgin [5.19][edit]

Matt: [to Simon and Ruthie] Why is such a terrible question, really. I mean every time you ask why, a because follows and everytime you say because, another why is asked.

Lucy: Why are you set against dad helping Serena?
Annie: I don't wanna talk about it.
Lucy: I know I am only 18 and still your child, but I would be grateful if you would treat me like a friend and a woman in this situation and honestly tell me what's going on.
Annie: I'd like to, but I can't.
Lucy: Why? Because you're wrong.
Annie: Well, helping people can be complicated. That's why your dad is always warning us to be harmless instead of helpful.
Lucy: I should pay attention to that. It's probably one of the lessons I have to learn over and over.
Annie: When you're older, you and I will be adult friends and we can talk about everything, but not yet.
Lucy: That's fine with me. Just please know I am always on your side.

Regrets [5.20][edit]

Eric: I noticed your name is not on Ruthie's petition?
Robbie: No, I don't put my name on anything like that. I'm not even registered to vote.
Eric: That's criminal.
Robbie: In America?
Eric: In this house! Register to vote, today!
Robbie: It's not voting season.
Eric: Do you like living here?
Robbie: Yeah, I love living here. I just don't want to register to vote. I feel like it puts me on some government's list.
Eric: You are! You are on the governments list of registered voters.

Charles: [to Eric] Annie has a sister. [to Annie] I know this must change the way you look at me.
Annie: Yes, maybe it does. Maybe it's the first time I've looked at you as a person and not just my father. And I love you more than ever for always trying to do the right thing. Because really that's the only way to live without... regret.

Chances (1) [5.21][edit]

Mary: Hey, Mom and Ruthie. I'm home.
Ruthie: Thank God. Give the phone lines a rest.
Annie: Oh, I didn't know you and Robbie were back. Welcome home.
Mary: Yeah, some welcome home, No one's here. Where is everyone?
Annie: Well, me and Ruthie have been working on the new room for you over garage. Everyone else is out they'll be home for dinner including Lucy's new boyfriend.
Mary: So you're building a room over the garage for me? So you and Dad can make sure that me and Robbie are as far apart as possible. Robbie told me not to, but I really need to talk to you and Dad. Where is he?
Ruthie: Probably with his new girlfriend.
Annie: You father's at the Church.
Ruthie: Yeah with his girlfriend.
Mary: Dad has a girlfriend?
Ruthie: Serena.
Annie: No, he doesn't. What's wrong?
Mary: It's about the rule that... never mind.

Mary: What are you doing here?
Wilson: I'm trying to stop you from making a huge mistake.
Mary: What we had in New York stays in New York and I'm leaving New York. End of story. I want to go home.
Wilson: Yes, but do you want to go home to Robbie?
Mary: Yeah. I love him.
Wilson: No, you love me. I know you do. Come on, how many people get a second chance? This is our second chance. Don't blow it.
Mary: I'm sorry, Wilson, I'm going home and that's what you should do. To just go home and forget about me. It's over.

Are (2) [5.22][edit]

Eric: Engaged?
Lucy: Yes. I'm engaged. Jeremy and I are in love and we're gonna get married.
Eric: This isn't like you. You've smart. You're levelheaded.
Lucy: I am smart and levelheaded, so can't you trust that I'm making the right choice with my life? You and Mom weren't much older than I am when you got engaged and look how you guys turned out. And you didn't have a scholarship or any money when you moved back East. Everything I want to do is possible, and you know that. And that's what's killing you because you know I will make this work with Jeremy and you don't want me to. You want me to stay here at home until you're ready for me to leave. I'm sorry, but I'm ready to leave now. I love you and Mom, but I love Jeremy too.

Mary: You think you have to have a relationship with me so my family will let you stay here.
Robbie: It's not like being with you is a chore.
Mary: But it's not what you want. You don't want to date me. You wanna date my family.
Robbie: No, I want to marry your family.
Mary: Well, just so you know, win, lose or draw with us, you're still part of this family. My parents will never turn their back on you. You don't have to date me to stay here. You don't have to not date me to stay here.
Robbie: So it's over, isn't it?
Mary: Three strikes, we're out.
Robbie: I still love you.
Mary: I'll always love you.

Season 6[edit]

Changes [6.01][edit]

Eric: You left home. You went to New York. You moved in with Jeremy and his family and without warning, boom, you were back on our doorstep. We'd like to know what happened.
Lucy: You know, it was a bad goodbye, a long terrible flight and I don't feel like talking about it.
Eric: What do you mean by "bad goodbye?"
Lucy: I am 18! I am an adult, I don't feel like talking about it!

Lucy: I don't feel like having dinner with everyone. I really don't feel like being around people, so I'm just gonna go pick up something. Is that a problem?
Eric: You know, I pulled a lot of strings to get you into Cobell Seminary. Are you planning on going back to New York and to Cobell?
Lucy: Isn't it enough that I'm not getting married? Do you want me to tell you I'm not going to college in New York? Is that what you want, more bad news? Okay, fine, I'm not going to Cobell! Are you happy? [storms out in tears]
Matt: Well, it looks like not only is Lucy back, she's crying just the good old days. Some things never change, huh?

Eric: What are you doing home?
Matt: Well, didn't Mom tell you? I got laid off.

Matt: Dad, I haven't been out of work for 48 hours.
Eric: You can't afford to be out of work for 48 hours much less 72 hours or any amount of hours.

Eric: What's new?
Ruthie: Nothing really. I'm just a couple of years away from puberty. I'm pre-puberty, prepubescent, they call it. So, I'm going to be going through some changes.
Eric: Yes you are. And I hope you know that whatever changes you're experiencing, that you can talk to me about them. Changes can be very exciting. Changes can be scary. And sometimes we have very little control over the changes we experience. None, really. Except the way we react to those changes and controlling our reactions require a lot of conscious effort. So, we don't want to get too stressed out. We just have to stand back, observe what's going on, go with the flow, live life from moment to moment, doing the best we can do for who we are.
Ruthie: That's deep. Are we talking about you or me?
Eric: Everything pretty much. Do you have any questions?
Ruthie: Maybe later.

The Colonel: Hi. You know, if you spent as much time at school as you do with that boyfriend of yours, you would now have one year of college under your belt, instead of just a couple of courses.
Mary: I know. But I'm not sure if college is my goal.
The Colonel: What is your goal? Marriage?
Mary: Maybe. We're thinking about it.
The Colonel: I think Wilson is a fine young man and a good father to his son and you would be a good wife and mother if that's what you decide you want.
Mary: But?
The Colonel: But, let's say you marry and God forbid something happens to Wilson. Would you be able to support little Billy? Now this is not the first time you thought about this, right? You know, I think a college education offers more opportunities for employment, but you're not interested in college. Maybe you should try public service. Public service is a wonderful way to serve your country and support your family. And my dear, it seems very clear that you are about to have your own family. So let's not waste anytime on trying to figure out who we are and what we want to do. You are the future Mrs. Wilson West, mother to Billy West. Get a job at the end of the week.

Annie: I'm sorry. I just can't be there for you right now. I went to the doctor last week... and...
Eric: We're pregnant again, aren't we? Are we?
Annie: Eric, how could you think that?
Eric: Well, you're tired, you're hungry, you're eating weird.
Annie: So, we're not pregnant! I'm starting to go through the change of life. I'm starting to get hot flashes. I can't sleep at night. And...
Eric: Menopause?
Annie: Well, technically I'm in peri-menopause.
Eric: Well, that's great. Thank you Jesus! Tell me what you're thinking? It's okay. I'm here for you. We're in this together.
Annie: I'll tell you what I'm thinking. First of all, we're not in this one together. I'm in this alone. As much as this is about me, my body, my mind...and spirit, I need to be by myself more, uh, whether that's in he kitchen or the bedroom. So, secondly, I may not want to be as intimate as frequently as we have been in the past. And I don't want to be pressured.
Eric: Have I ever pressured you to be intimate?
Annie: You said you missed me the other night, that was pressure.

Annie: I don't know what's going on with me.
Eric: Annie, you're going be fine. Everything is going to be okay.
Annie: You don't know that. All we know is that everything is going to CHANGE!
Eric: [to himself] Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Eric: You know this isn't a conversation I want to have with my son who is six weeks away from getting his learner's permit.
Simon: Four weeks.
Eric: Six.
Simon: But you said four.
Eric: Now I say six.
Simon: But the law says I could have gotten it six months ago.
Eric: Yeah, but I'm the law here in this house, six weeks?
Simon: But the law is the law outside of this house, and that law, the law that every other teenager relies on as protection from overbearing parents says otherwise.
Eric: And yet it's going to be six weeks, and if your attitude doesn't change its going to be seven, eight or nine weeks depending on when you recognize that driving is a privilege.
Simon: Yes, driving is a privilege. It's a privilege that comes at 15 and is granted by the DMV.
Eric: Let me ask you something, Do you live at the DMV? Do you eat at the DMV? Did the DMV buy you those sneakers that are in your closet that you never wear? And one more thing, is the DMV buying you dinner?

Teased [6.02][edit]

Simon: Those guy are losers man, you know that.
Mick: Yeah, I know that. That's why I'm gonna blow 'em away.
Simon: I beg your pardon?
Mick: Hey, you said it yourself, right? I mean one day they're gonna push me too far and I'm gonna blow 'em away.
Simon: But you don't mean that?
Mick: Yeah...I do. I can't take it anymore.
Simon: I understand that, but...when you start talking about actually blowing people away...
Mick: We've moved 10 times, and every time it's the same, they're all the same. All of 'em.
Simon: Shooting people won't solve your problems.
Mick: Right, should I just let--uh, what's it called, their teasing. Yeah, I should let all their teasing roll off my back.
Simon: It's better than shooting people.
Mick: Not for me.
Simon: For everyone, come on. You know you don't want to hurt anyone.
Mick: You know...I do. The only way these guys are gonna shut up is if they can't talk anymore. But look, I just wanted to call to say thanks, and don't worry, you won't get hurt.

Kid #1: [to Simon] What's with you, Camden?
Kid #2: I don't care what's with him. Just don't embarrass us like that again.
Kid #3: Or we might shoot you.
Simon: [to teacher] Excuse me. You had to have just heard that. You did, didn't you? You heard the whole thing, and then you just, what, hid in your classroom?!
Teacher: Students aren't the only targets, Simon.
Simon: Well, can't you at least talk to their parents?
Teacher: I have. The parents are just like them.
Simon: So what are we gonna do about this!?

Annie: Ruthie asked me to tell you not to call her Snooky anymore.
Robbie: I thought she liked it. What happened?
Annie: Well, Lucy told her that you calling her Snooky is a polite way of calling her Sneaky.
Robbie: That's not it at all.
Annie: Well, then you better go tell her. She's pretty upset. She likes you a lot.
Robbie: Are you kidding? She loves me!
Annie: I know. [starts crying and hugs Robbie] We all love you, we do!

Robbie: I never said you were a sneaky person. I said you were sneaking cookies. That's all.
Ruthie: But you still think I'm sneaky.
Robbie: I don't think you're sneaky. I think you're cute. And I think the name "Snooky" suits you....and I like the sound of it even if you never snuck a cookie. And I like having a special name for you because you and I have a special relationship. I never had a little sister. I think you're great.

Simon: [to his family] What is wrong with everyone? What's with all the teasing and the name-calling? Why do we have to keep doing that? You know what, I'm sick of it. I can't take it anymore.

Lucy: When you marry someone, you marry their family, and I didn't marry Jeremy because I didn't marry his family.
Annie: So you quit school, and came home.
Lucy: Maybe I'm not cut out for the ministry.
Annie: Because?
Lucy: Because his family teased me relentlessly for being a goody-good-two-shoes. They called me Mother Teresa.
Annie: She was a great woman.
Lucy: I am not Mother Teresa. I offer what I said to Ruthie as proof. I should only hope to do one thing as great as any of the millions of things Mother Teresa ever did. They drink, they smoke pot, and they throw a lot of parties, and yet...I liked them. I don't approve of how they live their lives, but I liked them. I like everybody. They just didn't like me. I kinda got kicked out.
Annie: How could anyone tease my baby for being good?
Lucy: It's hardly a Camden world out there.

Ruthie: I just want to know what happened.
Lucy: The way you're always sneaking around, I'm surprised you don't know already. In fact, that's what your nickname should be. Sneaky. Not Snooky, but Sneaky.
Ruthie: I'm not sneaky!
Lucy: Yes, you are, and I think Robbie was trying to tell you that in a nice way.
Ruthie: No he wasn't! He doesn't think I'm sneaky, he was teasing me.
Lucy: Yeah, but why do you think he was teasing you? Maybe he was trying to point something out to you. Good night, Sneaky! [turns over and goes to sleep; Ruthie's eyes fill with tears]

Simon: [to his Social Studies class] I don't feel safe at school, and I'm tired of waiting for everyone else to make our school safe for us. You know, every time there's a shooting, we hear that the shooter was someone who felt that there was a score to settle, and it's always someone who felt they had to shoot someone to get even. You know, that's a weird concept. Some calls you a name, so you kill them? But the name-callers are relentless. You know they are. And like a pack, they engage others in their hunt to destroy the already vulnerable students. They're torturing people. And you know what? We allow it. We hear them, we don't speak up. Or worse, we hear them, we join in. If not in the hallways, on the internet. The teasing that isolates one student or a couple of students from the rest of us has to stop. And I think the only way it's going to, is if we stop ourselves. The issue is not who's to blame. The issue is who's going to take the responsibility. Why don't we claim responsibility? I mean, after all we're the one with the really power here. We have the power to change people's lives. We have the power to save people's lives.So I say we claim that power. Seize the day. You know, there are always going to be cliques in high school, there are always gonna be the popular students and the not-so-popular students. There are always gonna be winners and losers, teasers and the teased. But I think it's time for the mean and the cruel to be silenced by our insistence...before they or any of us is silenced by a gun. You know, because we don't know who's on the brink. We can't know who's merely threatening retaliation, and who's actually is capable of carrying out a threat. What we do know...is that we can make a difference.

Sympathy [6.03][edit]

Annie: Robbie has offered to pay $200 a month, but he wants a 3-year lease so he can stay here until he finishes college.
Eric: Three years? I mean... is he sure he wants to stay here for three years? Three years is a long time.
Annie: It's $7,200.
Eric: It'll go by like that.
Annie: Matt will probably go away next year to medical school, and Lucy, being Lucy, could end up back in New York, and Simon's probably gonna go away to college. So why shouldn't we rent the room to Robbie when it's finished?
Eric: Why not? It's $7,200 and James is busy.
Annie: Of course, if Mary ever came back.
Eric: I don't think Mary is coming back.
Annie: I want her to come back.
Eric: I want her to come back, too when she's ready.

Billy: Can I call you Mommy?
Mary: I....
Billy: Just for today. We don't have to tell Daddy.
Mary: I think you better just call me Mary.
Billy: Ok. But when can we call you Mommy? Because I never had a mommy and I want a mommy.

Lucy: And how much rent is Robbie willing to pay? Because whatever it is, I'll double it.
Annie: You don't have a job.
Lucy: Right. I don't have anything.
Annie: Oh, Luce, Luce!

Annie: The point is that you...you...you don't understand what I'm going through. And I wasn't supposed to go through it for a long, long time.
Eric: Me too.
Annie: What?!
Eric: I'm trying my best. I am--but I just seem totally unprepared to deal with this stage of your life. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'm completely lost. And you, my dear, are completely....
Annie: Nuts!? Is that what you were going to say? Because the problem is not that I'm nuts. You want to know what the problem is? More specifically, do you want to know what your problem is? Your problem is that you feel sorry for yourself and and the person you should be feeling sorry for is me. Yes, I am a nut! I'm the one who let that guy in here. I'm the one who had to deal with him until the ambulance got here. I'm the one who had to go to the hospital and deal with him because you didn't. And then I'm the one who got hauled off by security. So, if you want to feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for me!

Eric: [to himself about Annie] Why don't you just take your hormones and go drive someone else crazy besides me?
Annie: I heard that!

Robbie: You're not going out with a pregnant girl.
Simon: Why not?
Robbie: Why! Because you feel sorry for her. Dating is difficult enough without dating someone who's got a complicated life. And you're too young for those complications....way too young.

Annie: [to Eric] You let my 15-year-old son go out on a date with a pregnant girl?!

Eric: I think you're more you than you have been for a long time.
Annie: What?
Eric: So, I...I just find it funny that I'm having so much trouble adjusting because we're both just adjusting to you being you.
Annie: What?
Eric: The first year that I knew you, you were just like this. You in no uncertain terms told people of what you thought and that was one of the things that attracted me to you, that and the fact that there was never any predicting when you were going to tell someone what you thought. I remember you let my dad tell you like twenty seven times how to put a diaper on Matt before you told off the The Colonel like, like I'd wanted to tell off The Colonel my entire life.
Annie: What are you saying, I've always been a nut?
Eric: Pretty much. But you've mellowed over the years. And now you're back without warning and it's a beautiful thing. I love you. I've always loved you. And I'm always gonna love you, till death do us part. Even if it kills me.
Annie: You know, you think you are so smart. I liked you better when you were feeling sorry for yourself.

Work [6.04][edit]

Eric: We haven't spent time together for a long time.
Annie: It's been a week.
Eric: A week is a long time when you're in love.

Eric: You know, in some ways your mother hasn't changed since the first day I fell in love with her 20 years ago.
Matt: And in other ways?
Eric: She's mean. Really, really mean...I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I love her. It's just that lately it's a lot tougher to love her.
Matt: You know, I'm so glad I have to go to work because I don't like where this conversation is going.

Wilson: [to Mary] Marry me. We belong together and I love you.

Annie: I'm quitting school.
Eric: What?
Annie: I'm quitting school. No more college.
Eric: I didn't know how much teaching meant to you.
Annie: Well, it's not the teaching really. It's being around kids. You know how much I've always loved having children in my life, working with them, helping them. You know, in a couple of years, Sam and David, they'll be in school. Ruthie's doing great. Simon's in high school. Robbie and Lucy are in college, Mary's in New York and Matt's going off to medical school. So...our kids need me, but they don't need me. If I teach every year, I'll have a new batch of kids who I'll need to help the way I helped our kids. It's the perfect job for me. All I have to do is take what I've been doing at home for the last 20 years and put it in the classroom. I can do it. I think I'll be good at it.
Eric: I'll help. I've always supported you in whatever you wanted to do. I love you. I want you to be happy.
Annie: I want to be happy, too.

Annie: Lately, with all the changes I've been going through I found that sometimes I'm more comfortable in the company of women. I love you, but you know, sometimes I need to talk to a woman.
Eric: Why is that?
Annie: I don't know. Women: we're all part of a club. Rich, poor, fat, thin, happy, unhappy, we're all going through the same things. And you can be a lot of things for me, but no matter how hard you try, you'll never be a woman.
Eric: Never wanted to be until now. But I get your point. You and me, we're okay?
Annie: We're better than okay.
Matt: (to Eric and Annie) I'm gonna be... a gynecologist.
Annie: Well, he does love women.

Relationships [6.05][edit]

Annie: [to the class] I know we just started reading "Swiss Family Robinson" today but can anyone tell what they think the moral of the story is?
Christy: I think the author is showing us that even though you may not be shipwrecked with your family that all families have to figure a way to get along.
Annie: Yes, good. The author, Johann David Wyss, is telling us that all relationships require a lot of work. Patience, tolerance and love. He wrote this book to teach his own sons life lessons.
Christy: If two people fight all the time, they should break up, right?
Annie: Well, yes, if two people are fighting all the time then maybe they shouldn't be together, but you're young.
Christy: That's what I think, too. Thanks, Mrs. Camden.

Ms. Mackoul: [to Annie] Did you tell a student that her parents should get divorced? When Christy Parks' mother picked her up at school today, she told her mother that you said her parents should get a divorce. Now her mother is very upset. She just left my office...what exactly did you tell Christy?

Annie: Well, I don't know what Christy's parents are fighting about, but whatever it is it can't be more important than their daughter. Don't they see how their fighting is affecting her?
Eric: You know, there are a lot of parents who believe that as long as they are not yelling at their kids their kids aren't affected by their yelling. They don't seem to understand that a parent's relationship with each other affects their children for the rest of their lives. If we can learn how to have a good relationship from our parents, we can learn how to have a bad relationship from them too.
Annie: Thanks, but of course, I know all that, which is one of the many reasons they asked me to teach.
Eric: Hey, I'm just trying to be supportive.
Ruthie: (to Eric and Annie) You know, you guys fight a lot.
Annie: Do we fight a lot?
Eric: Maybe, I don't know.
Annie: You don't know if we fight a lot?
Eric: I don't know what answer won't cause a fight. Maybe I need to find a better way to communicate with you.
Annie: And maybe if I take hormones, everything will go back to normal?
Eric: I didn't say that.
Annie: But you wanted to.
Eric: No, I didn't. I want you to do whatever you need to do. And I want us to stop fighting.
Annie: But we've always had fights, and we're always gonna fight.
Eric: Well, then maybe we need to find ways to fight that are more productive and friendly.
Annie: You're right.
Eric: I honestly was just trying to help.
Annie: But I don't always need your help. I want to solve my own problems by myself.
Eric: We're a team. A good team. We've always worked together and our relationship has been the better for it.
Annie: But lately I feel the need to have things that are just mine and I'm going to try to be nicer.
Eric: And I'm going to be more considerate of your feelings.
Annie: I do love you.
Eric: I love you, too.
Annie: I guess we need to show it more, huh?

Mrs. Parks: Thank you, Mrs. Camden. Christy is lucky to have you as a teacher.
Annie: Considering everything that has happened today that is very sweet of you to say.

Broken [6.06][edit]

Lucy: [to her family] Robbie and I have something to tell you.
Ruthie: Is this about you two being together?
Lucy: You know about us?
Ruthie: Oh, everybody knows.
Lucy: [to her family] Does that mean you're okay with us being together?
Eric: No.

Ruthie: [about Robbie after he broke up with Lucy] I'm next, and when I get him I'm keeping him. Three's a charm.

Hank: Julie and I are not in a fight. We're in total agreement. We both want a divorce.
Eric: Divorce?!
Hank: Julie and I are getting a divorce. So if you'll excuse me, I have patients.

Eric: [to Annie] When two people get together for the wrong reasons, there can only be one outcome. Lucy and Robbie will eventually have to face why they got together. And when they do, they'll break up.

Prodigal [6.07][edit]

Eric: Mary tells me she's here permanently.
Annie: Permanently? That's the best news I've ever heard. We have our whole family back together again.
Eric: Don't you want to know what happened with Wilson?
Annie: I'm sure she'll tell us eventually.
Eric: [to himself] What's wrong with this picture?

Annie: I've got something to say to you and I think you're old enough to hear it. Life isn't fair, so get over it.
Ruthie: Thank you for letting me know that. Only a parent, a mother, would care so much that she, you, would explain such an important lesson in such a simple and direct...way.

Ruthie: I also want an apology for all that stuff she did last year when she got kicked out.
Lucy: I don't think you're gonna get that. I don't think any of us are going to get that. I think we just have to accept Mary for Mary.

Matt: What are you talking about?
Eric: The prodgial son.
Matt: Or the prodigal daughter.

Eric: [about Mary] She's still incredibly irresponsible and she seems to have absolutely no awareness of that. How are we going to make her conscious?
Annie: Oh, you mean how are we going to make her confess. Here we go! It's Richard Nixon all over again! I love Richard Nixon.
Eric: Since when did you love Richard Nixon?
Annie: Since I heard someone saying that what God is showing us through parents is that he loves us despite the things we do, not beacuse of the things we do. You don't even recognize your own sermon, do you?

Annie: [to her kids] You know what's really unfair? What's really unfair is that your father and I have worked around the clock for 20 years to give our children a good home. To send our children to school. To buy them the clothes that they want to buy, and yet those children, the very same children that we sacrificed ourselves for over and over again think that they should decide who gets what and when they should get it.
Simon: No...
Annie: Don't speak. I will give your sister Mary anything I want to give her, anytime I want to give it to her, because I love her and I am happy that she is home. Mary needs us. She needs her father. She needs me. And she needs you. And I've got some news for all of you: we need her. We need to embrace each other and support each other because that's what families do. And until you're ready to do that, you know what? You can just live out here! (referring to the garage) You've got a change of clothes, one week's allowance and some school books. You're more or less on your own. Until you're allowed the privilege of telling me that just how much you regret you're total lack of respect for me and my decisions. And then at that time, if I like what you have to say, I just might let you back into the home that your father and I created. Until then, take care of the rebellious one known as Ruthie. You can come in and use the toilets, nothing else! Not the kitchen, not the laundry, not the shower, not the phone and not the TV. Enjoy.

Ay Carumba [6.08][edit]

Lucy: Joy? What kind of name is that.
Mary: A name for the look on Robbie's face.
Lucy: I am not jealous of my own sister. I'm just angry that you've shown up and expected to be treated like royalty or something!

Annie: Do you have a problem with my punishing the children without your approval?
Eric: While I don't want the garage apartment for my own, I can understand why they're upset about your giving it to Mary. We don't even know if she needs it.
Annie: So? They don't know if she doesn't. Maybe she and Wilson need it.
Eric: I got the feeling from Wilson that they broke up and he's just letting Mary tell us, and I gotta know why that is. Because it suggests the why, it won't be something we like.
Annie: What do you feel her problems are?
Eric: I feel her problems are that she's irresponsible, self-centered, and inconsiderate of other family members.
Annie: I think she wants to be responsible, and that's something. I think it's good for her to be self-centered right now. It's good for her to focus on herself and come to love herself, because that's the first step in loving others. And I don't think she's inconsiderate of other family members. On the contrary, I think other family members, including you, are inconsiderate of her and her needs at this time.
Eric: So we can agree to disagree about Mary and who she is and what her future holds, but I think that Matt and Lucy and Simon and Ruthie are in agreement.
Annie: With you, and you are wrong, just like you were wrong about Nixon.
Eric: (to the twins) He should have apologized.

Simon: I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here to survive. And once I do, unlike you and Mary, that's it for me. I'm never coming back.
Matt: Yeah, I remember 15. Let's go.

Mary: I am still crazy, irresponsible, bad Mary and after all this time I don't think I learned squat. What's it gonna take to get my life in order, huh, Luce?
Lucy: I don't know. But whatever it takes for us all to get our lives in order, I'm pretty sure we can get it right here at home.

Annie: I was wrong and you were right, but not in the way that you think.
Eric: Still, music to my ears.
Annie: Mary is not the prodigal son, and I made a mistake in treating her as if she were. She never left to go discover herself. She didn't go out into the world and get into trouble and hit rock bottom and then come crawling home for forgiveness. She never did that. She showed signs of getting in trouble, and we sent her to your parents before she had the chance to do something that she or we would regret. And you know what? It worked, Eric. And I don't think we've ever given ourselves credit for doing the right thing in saving her from hitting rock bottom. Now, maybe she didn't learn anything. But I think part of the reason why she claims that is that she's afraid that she did. She's afraid to make another mistake.
Eric: You know, for a guy who just got an apology, I'm feeling pretty lousy.
Annie: It's a lecture coughed with an apology. I think if we can just let Mary discover who she is and what wants to do, surrounded by our love, guided by our genius...then maybe she will learn something. Maybe she'll even contribute something to the world.
Eric: Let's just aim for Glen Oak.

Mary: [to her parents] I am really sorry that I let everyone down. And I am sorry that as part of this wonderful family, I didn't realize that doing all the things that led to my getting asked to leave would affect everyone, and not just me. I apologize. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize. And I want to thank you for letting me go live with the Colonel and Ruth, and I'm...not the greatest student of life, but I must have learned something, and I want to be here now. And I hope you'll give me a chance to do better, because I can do better.
Eric: And I want to apologize to you, too. I think I could have cut you some slack when you showed up here, but instead, I...
Mary: Don't cut me some slack. Stay tough. I need that. [leaves]
Eric: Okay. [to Annie] Wait. What did she mean by that?
Mary: [from the top of the stair] I mean I still need you.

Lost [6.09[edit]

Mary: We want you to find us boyfriends.
Lucy: Husbands, even.
Eric: I beg your pardon?
Lucy: We want you and Mom to find us someone to love. We want to get married...eventually.
Eric: Marriage is a bond made by two people who share a very deep and personal connection. For the two of you to ask me to choose someone with whom I think you could share that connection is...well, that's...nuts. I'm not a dating service. I'm your father and a minister.
Mary: Scared?
Eric: No, I'm not scared. I just... I think it's not up to me to stir you to the right person. It's up to God. When the time's right, the right guy will come along, for the both of you. You just have to be patient.
Lucy: (to Mary) Yep, he's scared.

Consideration [6.10][edit]

Lucy: [to everyone in the living room, watching TV] Wait, is that Dad?
Robbie: Yep, that's your dad. If I were Simon, I'd drive that car to Canada!

Ruthie: Why don't you just admit that you were wrong and apologize for being so rude, when all I was trying to do was help you? (Lucy makes a face at her, Ruthie makes one back) Crash and burn. How it feel to be beaten by an 11-year-old?

Pathetic [6.11][edit]

Annie: I can't thank you enough for giving me this opportunity to work here, doing something important. It's been rewarding and interesting and fun...
Mrs. Mackoul: But you don't want to do it anymore?
Annie: No sorry.
Mrs. Mackoul: Well, the funny thing is, I was going to ask you to come on fulltime. With everything going on in the world, parents want the added security of a private school, and we've had so many requests that we're expanding. We need more teachers.
Annie: I appreciate the implied offer, but I can't. Thank you.

Lucy: If God didn't want me to have that ring, he wouldn't have had Jeremy give it to me.
Ruthie: You're actually going to invoke the name of God as the cause for your insanity?
Lucy: Doesn't everyone?

Eric: Did she tell you why she quit?
Simon: No. But it wouldn't be like me to ask my mom why she does anything. She's my mother, but she's your wife. Maybe you can ask her, or maybe not. I don't know how those things work.

Eric: Well, aren't we calm for everything that's gone on around here?
Annie: I feel very calm. I've been feeling very conflicted, but as of today, I feel very calm. And that's good because with all the tings going on out there in the world, it helps to stay calm in here. See, I had this dream for years to teach, and finally after all that time, I got my dream when Mrs. Mackoul asked me to join that staff at Ruthie's school. It was very much my dream come true.
Eric: And now you're giving up your dream come true?
Annie: It's no longer my dream. I love working with any one student, but I feel disconnected working with a group of students in the classroom. I want to do more than discuss questions of morality. I want to inspire each child to lead a moral life. I think I can find a better way to do that.
Eric: And you don't feel sad that you always had this dream to each and once you got it, it wasn't what you wanted?
Annie: No, it probably happens to a lot of people.
Eric: Yeah, it does, but...usually they just hang on to it because after all that dreaming it seems a shame to give it up or admit that it was a mistake.
Annie: Well, I feel good about it. For me, letting go of the past is freeing.
Eric: Hmmm, evidently that's a gene that wasn't inherited by Mary or Lucy. (they both laugh) We've got a lot of letting go to do over the next few years.
Annie: Yeah, we do. But we've got a lot of holding on, too. (they both look at the twins playing)

Suspicion [6.12][edit]

Ruthie: Yasmine was walking home from school when a couple of boys started following her. They were calling her names because she's Muslim and trying to scare her, and one of them even picked up a dirt clod and threw it at her.
Yasmine: That's when Ruhtie ran over and started yelling back at them, but they still kept on following us.
Eric: And this was happening right outside our house?
Yasmine: It's happening everywhere.
Eric: Did these boys ever physically hurt you?
Yasmine: No. Just my feelings.
Eric: Feelings are important, too. They matter a great deal, and you matter. We're not gonna let this continue.

Lucy: I just started thinking about Yasmine and how people can be so cruel, and how horrible I was to you which didn't make me much better than those boys... and how everyone in the world has the same capacity to be so mean and intolerant. It just makes me feel so sad.
Mary: You know how it makes me feel? Angry.

Nasreen: I was happy, until one day, our entire world turned upside down. I go out on my usual errands and suddenly people are staring at my hijab. I've worn it all my adult life, and now I get looks and whispers as I pass by. Why? I'm still the same person, I haven't changed. I try to believe that some people are just curious, but why wasn't I asked about it years ago? Why now? See, it's not curiousity, it's suspicion.
Eric: Fear can bring out the worst in people, and fear is evidence of a lack of fatih. I mean, for some people, that's a lack of faith in God. For others it's a lack of faith in themselves, but for others its a lack of faith in their fellow man. I hope what's happened with Yasmine doesn't make you lose your faith in people's kindness.
Nasreen: Oh, how can I? I have proof sitting right here in front of me. I'm sorry to have burdened you with my problems. I'm a very pro-avtive person and I hope I'm not sounding like a victim because that's not my intent.

Nasreen: I appreciate your sympathy, but I don't expect you to completely understand what I'm going through.
Annie: As a mother, I understand at least some of what you're going through. I know the fear and worry over the safety of my children.
Ruthie: I still don't understand it. She didn't do anything. Her family didn't do anything. They're Americans just like everyone else.
Annie: I know, Ruthie. I know.

Ruthie: [reading Eleanor Roosevelt] It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.
Mary: Sometimes it's not easy to do the right thing. It's not easy when you've done stupid things and you have to make up for them.
Ruthie: It's not easy when you do smart things either.

Ruthie: [addressing the school board] My name is Ruthie Camden, and first, I want to say how much I like going to the Eleanor Roosevelt School. My classes are really cool, and I get to do so much more than I did at my old school. I love horses, and I even get to take Equestrian classes. It's like a dream come true for me. I've learned so much at this school. Last week, during science period, Miss Riddle talked to us about the spine. Se taught us how important the spine is to the entire body. The spine allows you to hold your head up high. Well, I don't think I'll be able to hold my head up high in this class anymore, if this school doesn't let my friend Yasmine attend. And from what I've read about her, Eleanor Roosevelt has a really strong spine. This school is named after her, and if you want to know more about her, you should read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. It's all about freedom, justice, and peace.
Eric: [whispers to Annie] Out of the mouths of babes.
Ruthie: So, if this board chooses to do the wrong thing, I feel that it goes against everything Eleanor Roosevelt stood for, and I will have to quit!
Woman #1: [whispers] We'd get our scholarship back.
Woman #2: I have a friend whose kid would like to get in. They're not Muslim.
Ruthie: Hello. That was the end of my speech. I said I was going to quit! [Eric, Annie, Mrs. McCool, and Miss Riddle get up and clap, everyone else is silent] Tough crowd.

Mary: I heard what you did tonight, and I'm really proud of you, Ruthie.
Ruthie: Yeah. Mom and Dad told me about a billion times already. Big deal.
Lucy: What you did was really amazing, so don't think that it's not. You stood up for someone who was being discriminated against because of her religion, and that's a big deal. A very big deal. The biggest!
Ruthie: Yeah, and look where it got me. Now I have to change schools.
Mary: Look, Ruthie, I know how much you like private school, and nobody would think badly of you if you don't go through with it, if you don't want to.
Ruthie: I don't want to, but I think it's something I have to do. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself". I think I have to bite the bullet.

Annie: I can't get over Ruthie. I'm so proud of her.
Eric: Yeah, we've done good, Mom.
Annie: Sometimes, when I think our world is getting a little crazy, I think about our children and what good, compassionate people they've turned out to be.

Yasmine: Thank you Mrs. Camden, thank you for this. It's not just about going to school for me, it's about walking on higher ground.

Drunk [6.13][edit]

Simon : How do you do that?
Morris : Uh, do what?
Simon : Be so popular. Everybody knows you. Everybody likes you. You hang out with the coolest kids in school. Face it, man, if this school had a king you'd be it.
Morris : Hey, people know you, too.
Simon : People know me as some school do-gooder. Saint Simon, son of a minister.
Morris : Maybe but that can be cool, too. I mean you're always doing the right thing, even if it doesn't make you the most popular guy. And doing what's right counts for something
Simon : Yeah, it counts for me having no fun this year. I'm sorry, I'm tired of doing the right thing. I want people to like me because I'm wild and crazy and fun. You know, not-not because I'm good I want to hang out with your friends. Your friends are the best.
Morris : You don't even know my friends
Simon : They're popular, and they have fun. What else do I need to know?
FRIEND: Ha-ha! You hear the news?
Tom: My parents took off for the weekend. Which means...party. Oh I already lined up the women, man. It's gonna be a blowout.
FRIEND: So, are you in?
Morris: Oh, I'm so in, I'm already there! Whoo!
Simon: Yeah, I'm in too!
Morris: Um, Tom, Mike, you know Simon.
Mike: Uh, Simon Camden. You're that minister's kid.
Simon: My dad's a minister, yeah.
Tom: I don't think you'd feel comfortable at my party. It's not gonna be a religious affair.
Simon: My dad's the minister, not me.
Tom: So, you want to come to my party, huh? Okay. Okay, fine. Come.
Simon: Great! I'll get the address from Morris. I'd better get going -- I don't wanna miss my bus. I can miss my bus.
Mike: We're out of here.
Tom: Yeah.
Simon: See you guys later!
Morris: I'll call you later.
Simon: Right. I'll see you tonight.
Morris: What are you doing?
Tom: He wants to come to the party, let him come.
Morris: Simon's not ready for one of your parties.

Annie: Before you and Simon go to this party tonight, I need to know what your intentions are.
Morris: Intentions?
Annie: Yes. Do you intend to drink? Do you intend to smoke? Do you intend to part-take in any illegal activity? Do you intend to watch over my son and make sure no harm comes to him? Do you intend to have him before his curfew?
Morris: Hey, I'm just giving him a ride.
Annie: No, you're not just giving him a ride, you're in charge of him.

Mary: [to Simon] You don't get it. You just don't get it. And you want to know why I know you don't get it? Because for over a year I didn't get it.
Ruthie: [to Simon] You know, you've been throwing up most of the night, so we haven't had a chance to talk. What is wrong with you, huh?
Simon: I didn't know I was drinking alcohol.
Ruthie: Well, you should've figured it out. What kind of role model are you trying to be?
Simon: I'm not a role model.
Ruthie: Yes, you are. Sam and David and I look up to you. And with Matt leaving, and he is leaving, you're the resident big brother of the house. Robbie's here and that's great, but I depend on you and tonight you let me down. You let everyone down.
Simon: I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear?
Ruthie: No, I don't want to hear anything. What I want is for you to stop trying so hard to fit in with other people and start trying harder to fit in around here. I want you to sober up for good and start becoming a man, the kind of man I can look up to.

Annie: So are we going to punish the kids for aiding and abetting Simon?
Eric: I think we should not punish them, but not tell them until tomorrow. That way, they'll think they're being punished which will be almost like being punished.
Annie: Parents of the year.
Eric: Nah. Just parents.

Eric: I really thought Simon was mature enough to handle tonight. He really has matured so much since September.
Annie: We got to see that maturity disappear in one night.

Hot Pants [6.14][edit]

Annie: Happy Valentine's Day. [she kisses him] I've got a big surprise for you. [she kisses him again]
Eric: Is the surprise better than that?
Annie: Oh, much.
Eric: So? What's your big surprise?
Annie: I really thought you would've guessed. Haven't you noticed how much happier I've been in the last two weeks? I went to the doctor. I started hormone replacement therapy, and I feel great. My energy is back and I am happy, really happy.
Eric: You took hormones for me?
Annie: I took hormones for me.
Eric: Okay, whatever. You're happy again and that's all that matters. Okay, I have to admit, I had noticed that you've been a little easier to be around lately. I mean...well, you know what I mean. You have to know what I mean or you wouldn't have gone on hormones. Boy, this...this was the best gift you could have ever gotten for me. I love you.
[Annie then dumps wine of his head]

Shana: What? Are you calling every ex-girlfriend you ever had trying to figure out why you're alone?
Matt: Maybe.
Shana: Do yourself a favor and stop looking for the future in the past. The great love of your life is out there somewhere just waiting for you to find her. And you're never gonna find her if you're stuck in the past with me and Heather and all the rest of the women you dated.
Matt: Thanks.
Shana: So…boldly go forward and...find the woman of your dreams. You know what? When you find her, she's gonna be one lucky woman, because you are a great guy.
Matt: Thanks.
Shana: Don't mention it. Good night.
Matt: Bye. [hangs up] As kitty as my witness, I will never have another Valentine's Day like this again. [holding a Hello Kitty doll]

I Really Do [6.15][edit]

Matt: [gets down on one knee] Sarah...
Sarah: Matt?
Matt: Will you marry me?
Sarah: When?
Matt: When? Whenever you want. You set the date.
Sarah: Oh Matt. Yes! I will, I accept, I do!

Mary: I think Matt is crazy enough to get married. I almost did... Why are you all looking at me like that?
Lucy: Because while Matt may do some things as stupid as you, he wouldn't do something stupider then you.
Robbie: I'm not so sure about that.
Mary: Thank you.

Lucy: I bet you money we'll get married before he does.
Mary: He's not getting married until he gets out of medical school and that's years from now.
Lucy: And you don't think we'll be married until he gets out of medical school?
Mary: It's not likely.

I Really Did [6.16][edit]

Matt: [answering the phone] Mr. and Mrs. Matt Camden. Hello?
Ruthie: I don't believe it! You really are stupider than Mary!
Matt: Ruthie?
Ruthie: Oh! You got married!?
Matt: Shhh!
Ruthie: Don't you shush me! I just missed your wedding and I don't even know the bride!
Matt: Ruthie, I love you. And I know you won't tell anyone because you know how important this is to me. Good night, Ruthie. I'll see you tomorrow.
Ruthie: Good night, and Matt...I love you too. Congratulations.

Matt: [after Ruthie finds out that Matt got married] Could you Ruthie? Could you keep it a secret that you know we got married last night? Could you just forget and never say anything? I mean, because that's a terribly big secret for a little girl to keep for the rest of her life and I don't even know if I should ask you.
Ruthie: You can ask me anything, horse or no horse. You're my brother and this is a good secret, the best secret I've ever heard. And we both know I know them all. I can do it. As God as my witness, I will never, ever tell this secret to anyone, cause I owe it to you for being my big brother for 11 years. I love you. I respect you. You have my word of honor. This stays with me.

Sarah: What he's try to say is...we're engaged...we went out. We fell in love. We wanted to get married.
Matt: I know what you are thinking. You're thinking we don't know each other, and when we get to know each other then we might change our minds, but...we're not going to change our minds. I want to be married to Sarah and I really am in love with her. She's a wonderful woman and I am happy we found each other. I've been, um...really lonely. Even in my past relationships, I felt lonely. But I don't feel lonely anymore. Sarah and I have a lot in common, and most of what we have in common is that we both love our families., and we want to be a family. A family that loves and respects each other as much as I respect and love all of you. And I hope you respect our decision because this is my life. And this is what I want.

Annie: You don't really think they did get married last night and maybe they're just telling us they're engaged to kind of get us use to the idea?
Eric: It's impossible. You know, I like that. I like that idea a lot. So I'm going with married. They're already married.

Lucy: Wife?
Matt: Wife-to-be.
Eric: You're engaged?
Matt: Yes, we are.
Annie: Then congratulations, son. I'm very happy for you.

Annie: You don't really think they did get married last night and maybe they're just telling us they're engaged to kind of get us use to the idea?
Eric: It's impossible. You know, I like that. I like that idea a lot. So I'm going with married. They're already married.

Annie: He is over 21. Matt probably thinks he doesn't have to call.
Eric: Well, to tell you the truth, I don't want him to call because I'm worried what it might be.
Annie: I'm sure he's fine.

Eric: He better have not been at a hotel, or I really will forbid him from going out with this Sarah again.
Robbie: I'm sorry. It's just that he's a little old to...(Eric gives a mean face) then again he does live under your roof.
Eric: Yes, he does.
Robbie: Of course, he's leaving soon to go off to medical school and when he does, you're gonna have a hard time trying to control what he can and can't do.

Sarah: Ever been to a Jewish wedding?
Matt: Sarah's father's a rabbi.
Eric: Life's funny, isn't it. Matt's marrying a Jewish girl. Who would've thought?

Lip Service [6.17][edit]

Matt: [to Simon] Uh, let me think about that, no! Last thing we need is another one of your goofy friends.

Sarah: [to Simon and Matt] And my folks won't mind, my father loves a big a audience. If he could have a crowd in the bathroom to watch him shave, he'd do it.

Lucy: Watch this! [she fakes a faint] Well?
Ruthie: Well what?
Lucy: That was a faint, I think I'll try that nobody argues with a fainter!
Ruthie: It needs work you look sleepy not fainty.
Lucy: Ok! [Tries it again] Better?
Ruthie: I'm not sure...
Lucy: Maybe if I crack my head against the wall!
Ruthie: Are you sure you haven't already done that?
[Lucy makes a mean face]

Lucy: What are kids doing these days to get out of school? Fake fevers, trick thermometers, run any throat techniques anything new out there?
Ruthie: No, same old stuff. Although, Talia Skepka ate a caterpillar last week to get out of P.E. but she didn't throw up until two periods later, so the timing has to be worked out.

Lucy: I have to get out of this dinner tonight.
Ruthie: Stay home with Robbie.
Lucy: Think I could?
Ruthie: Oh man, I knew it!
Lucy: Hey, it's just that sometimes when a couple breaks up it's not totally clean, there's some unfinished business and this would be a good time to clean it up.
Ruthie: That's not all there is to it, you have to have a reason to stay home, a reason you can say out loud to Mom and Dad.

The Ring [6.18][edit]

Lucy: Man, I love Buffalo. This is a fun town!

[Mary and Ben open the door to see Kevin and Lucy kissing]
Ben: Hmmm...[they ignore him] Kevin!
Lucy: Hi!
Ben: Come on Kev. Let's go.
Kevin: I had a great time.
Ben: We can see that.
Kevin: Good night. [they kiss]
Lucy: Good night.

Eric: He bought her an engagement ring.
Sarah: You bought me an engagement ring!?
Annie: You didn't give him any money, did you?
Eric: We don't have any money.
Annie: Matt can't afford to buy an engagement ring on his own.
Sarah: You can't afford this.
Matt: Yes, I can.
Sarah: No, you can't.
Matt: It's only $200.
Sarah: Excuse me? What did you say?
Eric: The ring's...
Sarah: A fake.
Matt: No, it's gennette.
Eric: A perfectly simulated diamond-like substance.
Annie: Maybe it's not too late. Maybe you can stop Matt from...
Matt: Sarah, please! Stop! It is gennette! It's gennette!
Sarah: I can't even believe you bought me a fake ring! How could you!? It's so fake and cheap and if not getting me a ring weren't bad enough. Just leave me alone, okay!? Leave me alone!
Matt: Oh, hey, thanks, Dad. She loves the ring.

Lucy: Mary's going to be a flight attendant for Jet Blue airlines. Did I tell you I met a guy? [Eric and Annie shake their heads] I didn't? well he's really cute. He's a cop. His name's Kevin. He's Ben's brother, you know, Mary's firefighter, Ben. Well, let's gets down to baggage claim. I'm feeling lucky!

Kevin: [to Ben] Did you know Lucy's going to be a minister?

Lucy: If you don't hurry up we're gonna miss our flight, and thank you.
Mary: Thanks for what?
Lucy: For bringing me here.
Mary: I'm glad you had a good time with Kevin.
Lucy: We're gonna keep in touch and he's gonna come to Glen Oak when he gets some vacation time.
Mary: Luce, I'm not going back. Really, I'm staying here in Buffalo.
Lucy: I know you like Ben, but you can't just camp out in Buffalo and hope that things work out. I mean, you have to go home.
Mary: I'm not in Buffalo for Ben. I'm here for me. I'm going to be a flight attendant for Jet Blue Airlines. I start my training tomorrow.
Lucy: That's your plan, a flight attendant? But school?
Mary: I'm gonna finish school. Once I finish my training I can fly out to Glen Oak any time I want and I can still do classes with you.
Lucy: Are you serious?
Mary: Yeah, I want to do this. I thought about it a lot, and it just...feels right. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared to start something new again. But I think this time it's all gonna work out.

Letting Go [6.19][edit]

Mary: Your brother's in love with my sister.
Ben: It's too soon for them to be in love.
Mary: What about us? [They kiss]

Simon: [when the phone rings] Hello?
Patty-Mary: Is Kevin there?
Simon: Maybe, whom should I say is calling?
Patty-Mary: Just tell him he has a phone call kid.
Simon: I don't think so.
Patty-Mary: Tell them it's Patty-Mary.
Simon: I need more information, Patty-Mary.

Lucy: Home!? You're in Glenoak?!
Mary: I'm not just in Glenoak, I'm here!
[Lucy is shocked]

Eric: [after Sam and David have new beds] Well, I guess it's official, they're not babies anymore.
Annie: It's a good thing. They're suppose to grow.
Sam: See, this is good.
David: Good bed.
Eric: Yes, it is.

Eric: [to Simon] In case you were wondering what your sister was screaming about at 2:30 in the morning, Mary's home. And she brought Ben and Ben's brother. Now your mother's making them sandwiches, even though they're grown men who can make their own sandwiches. Heh. Yeah.

Annie: Mary! Ben! And you must be Kevin! Welcome!
Eric: Welcome?
Mary: I'm an airline attendant. I get buddy passes and I brought them home with me for a surprise. Is it ok?
Annie: It's more than okay! Kevin!
Lucy: Isn't he great?
Annie: Oh, he is!

The Known Soldier [6.20][edit]

Annie: Since when do you have a pen pal who's a Marine?
Ruthie: Since I changed schools. It's a class project. A volunteer project. It's to let all the men and women who serve in the armed forces know how much they're appreciated. We can't send real mail, so we have to send e-mail. That's the safe way to do it.
Annie: What do you write about?
Ruthie: Oh, different things. Sometimes just funny stuff that happens around here. You know, to give him a laugh
Annie: Funny....family stories?
Ruthie: Yeah, I've got plenty of 'em. You can't just write about serious stuff. He gets enough of that being in the Marines!

Lucy: [about Ruthie's pen pal] So, how did he wind up in Afghanistan?
Ruthie: He had just gotten back last September and he wasn't supposed to go anywhere for a while, but on September 11, the world changed. That's what Dwight said. He got his orders to go to Afghanistan in November, and he didn't want to leave his family so soon, but that's just part of being a Marine. They go where they're needed. He left the day before Theresa's birthday and the day after the Marine Corps birthday ball. Dwight and Theresa had a great time, but then they had to say good-bye. It was sad, but sad good-byes are just part of being a Marine, too. [Mary and Lucy look upset] Hey, the Marines are tough. They can take it. And their families are really brave. They have to be.

Colonel: I didn't want you to hear it on the news, hon. I wanted to come and tell you myself, face-to-face.
Ruthie: Well, who's gonna tell Sergeant Morgan's wife? Who's gonna tell Theresa? And who's gonna explain it to their son, Alex? Alex is only five years old! That little boy's probably never even heard of Afghanistan!
Colonel: No, probably not. But I'm pretty sure he has heard of the United States of America. That's the country his father died for. The United States of America, and he died in an effort to keep freedom alive for his son and his wife, and all his family, and for all the sons and daughters and mothers and fathers in this country. He died for me, and he died for you.
Ruthie: But I didn't want him to die.
Colonel: He was a Marine. He died with honor.

Man: I'm a veteran myself.
Robbie: Good for you. Thanks for serving.
Man: [pauses] I don't think anyone's ever said that to me before. Thank you.

Simon: Where are you off to so early?
Annie: Oh, we're spending the day with Mrs. Bink.
Simon: (looks at the twins) What did they do?
Annie: They're not being punished. They're just learning to take care of older people in the community. Mrs. Bink would love to see them, and she's getting older. It's hard for her to cook, so we're gonna go over and make her lunch and hang out for a while.
Simon: Staff Sergeant Dwight J. Morgan would be very proud.
Annie: I hope so. I wanted to do something bigger, something universal and world-changing, but this is what I can do today, and this is what I'm going to do today, in his honor.

Holy War (1) [6.21][edit]

Annie: I'm dead. You're looking at a dead woman. You're looking at a dead woman, and a stupid woman. A stupid, dead woman!
Eric: Bad day, honey?

Annie: I almost broke the entire family up with one dish. Image what I can do with a whole meal!

Holy War (2) [6.22][edit]

Ruthie: [to Robbie] Eavesdropping? How very Camden of you.

Sarah: I feel badly that none of my family made it to your mothers dinner.
Matt: Under the circumstances...
Sarah: Still, later tonight I'll call your mom and apologize. We were this close to pulling it off, to doing what neither of us thought we could do, get married with our two families thereby bringing us and our two faiths together, like a family is suppose to be.
Matt: Just for the record, I didn't think we were this close to pulling it off.

Matt: Our fathers are never going to admit they are wrong, apologize and show up and the synagogue as nothing ever happened.

Richard: I don't believe in the marriage so I can't marry them. It's as simple as that.

Robbie: With me here, Simon can take over Matt's role in the family and you can have your room back.
Ruthie: So, you're not moving?
Robbie: No, unless you can tell me why all of a sudden my best friend in this family is declaring war on me and is trying to get me to leave the only place I ever really considered home.
[Ruthie just walks out]

Matt: It's a mistake, Dad. A big mistake. I mean, I love you, but if you don't show up at my wedding, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you.
Eric: And, if you convert tomorrow, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you.
Matt: So, we're at an impasse, both of us refusing to give in to the other. I wonder which one of us will win, or if we'll both lose.

Eric: You still planning on getting married?
Matt: Yes, are you still planning on not being there?

Ruthie: You can have your room back if you want it.
Robbie: I'm fine with the garage. Look, I really need to finish this best man speech. I'm having a lot of trouble, so if you don't mind.
Ruthie: Are you kicking me out?
Robbie: Yeah, just like you kicked me out.
Ruthie: Well, are you kicking Sam and David out, too?
Robbie: No. Sam and David can stay.
Ruthie: Well, that's not fair!
Robbie: And neither is the way you're treating me. You know, when you're ready to apologize and explain why you've been so mean to me, I'll be here. Are you ready? [long pause, Ruthie walks out]

Kevin: [on the phone] No matter how much I like you, I just can't pick up and move to Glen Oak. My family is in Buffalo. My job is in Buffalo. I want to be with you, but I can't just give up my life.
Lucy: So I should just give up my life and move to Buffalo?
Kevin: I didn't say that, but it would be nice if you considered it.
Lucy: I already used up my one "give up my life and move halfway across the country to be with the one I love" chip with Jeremy. I can't do it again.
Kevin: Well, you can't ask me to do something that you're not willing to do yourself. (pause) Are you still there?
Lucy: Yes. I'm still here. In Glen Oak. Without you.

Matt: Sarah's father has worked it out so that tomorrow, before Sarah and I get married, I can convert, and I'm gonna do it.
Eric: What? I thought you weren't going to address this issue until later--maybe when you and Sarah had children, or after I was dead.
Matt: Look, I have my reasons, and I'm ready to do this.
Eric: You can't seriously think that in less than four months, you've studied and researched Judiasm, a religion that's thousands of years old. Well enough to convert!
Matt: Well, I've been going to temple with Sarah and her family every Saturday since Sarah and I got engaged, and I've been attending conversion classes, and--
Eric: [sarcastically] Oh, why, I didn't know that you've been to temple 15 times and taken some classes. Well, why didn't you say so? Of course you're ready to convert! [pauses] Just for your information, converting just for marriage is wrong.

Matt: You can't call off my wedding, and you can't stop me from converting. Dad, you have to let me live my life.
Eric: Okay, live your life. Get married. Just don't convert.
Matt: I know this is not about religion. This is about you not wanting to let me grow up, but...
Eric: Oh, no, this is about religion. I don't want you to convert! And just so you know, it's not because you want to convert to Judiasm. If you wanted to be any other religion, I'd have the same reaction, and not because I think that our religion is better, but because you can't make a decision as big as changing your faith this quickly! And if you weren't getting married, you wouldn't be thinking about it, would you?
Matt: Dad, you can't stop me.
Eric: Are you really gonna do this tomorrow? Convert?
Matt: Yes.
Eric: Then it'll have to be without me.
Matt: I'm sorry, but I think I just heard you tell me you weren't coming to my wedding.
Eric: Maybe if I don't go, it'll give you some pause, and you'll rethink your decision.
Matt: I can't believe you'd do this to me.
Eric: Someday you'll thank me.
Matt: You're assuming that someday, I'll be talking to you again.

Rabbi Glass: I made a suggestion, and Matt agreed. This is Matt's decision, not mine, honey.
Sarah: Okay, Dad. If you're helping Matt to convert tomorrow purely because you think that he is totally committed to it and ready to enter into a covenant between God and Jewish people, then good. But if, like I suspect, you're only doing this as a last ditch effort to try to cause some sort of drama that might cause my wedding not to happen?? Well, if that's the case, then let me tell you that Abraham himself isn't going to be able to protect you from my wrath! [kisses him and walks out]

Colonel: How do you think I felt when you rejected the Marines?
Eric: I didn't reject the Marines. I...
Colonel: Chose a different path? Took a different road? When you came to me and said you were not going to enlist in the Marine Corps and indeed had already enrolled in Seminary, I felt you were rejecting me and my whole way of life. At that time, that was unbearable. And then I realized that you weren't rejecting the Marines or me. You were choosing something else, following your own heart, as is Matt. Matt may leave your house, Eric, and he may leave your church, but he can never leave behind what you taught him. What makes him, him is you. You raised him. He'll always be your son, and as long as he goes out into the world and does some good, does it really make any difference whether he's Christian or Jewish, as long as he's still Matt? That, I eventually had to realize about you. You may not be a Marine, but by heaven, you are my son, and up until now, you've always done the right thing and made me proud. Do the right thing, and make me proud.

Colonel: Do I understand that you are not going to the wedding?
Eric: I have my reasons for not going, and they're not up for discussion or debate.
Colonel: Who do you think you're talking to? Some friend who stopped by for coffee? I'm your father, and Matt's grandfather, and I've just flown 2,000 miles to attend this wedding. Whether you want to or not, you're gonna tell me what the devil is going on here!
Eric: Matt plans to convert.
Colonel: Who cares?
Eric: I care, and obviously, you don't understand, and that's why I don't want to talk about this!
Colonel: You feel that you raised Matt in a certain way--your way. And now, as an adult, he's choosing his own path, and you feel that he's rejecting you, or rejecting the road you thought he'd take in life, the road you picked for him to take life. And now you're hurt because you can't understand why he doesn't want to take your road.
Eric: Okay, maybe you do understand.

Season 7[edit]

Monkey Business (1) [7.01][edit]

Ruthie: Why don't you just marry him and get it over with?
Lucy: Maybe I don't wanna get married.

Kevin: How can you be jealous of any other woman when you know how I feel about you?
Lucy: Jealous?! You think I'm jealous?! Hey! Just because you love me and want to marry doesn't mean you can't be attracted to another woman.
Kevin: Alright.
Lucy: Alright?!
Kevin: [smiles] Thanks.
Lucy: Thanks?! What is wrong with you?!

Eric: Well that was a long drive to the airport.
Mary: Say what you want to say.
Eric: He's too old for you, way too old for you.
Mary: I am an adult, I have a job, I pay my bills, I'm responsible around here and I'm responsible when I'm not around here and I'm in Buffalo, so I think that who I go out with should be left up to me. You are my dad and I love you, but I'm over 21 now and I think I have to decide who I wanna be with for the rest of my life.
Eric: Rest of your life?

Kevin: What's a guy in his 40s going out with a girl in her 20s for other than the obvious?
Mary: He's going out with me for the same reason any man goes out with any women, he likes me, he's interested in me.

Ruthie: Hey, Dad, do you mind if my boyfriend comes over tonight?

Lucy: When are we gonna meet Mr. "None of Our Business"?
Mary: You're not gonna meet him.
Lucy: Because?
Mary: Because Mom and Dad wouldn't understand.
Lucy: Because?
Mary: Because, they don't think of me as an adult women with a career.
Lucy: Just tell me why he is not a good idea?
[Mary walks out]

Monkey Business Deaux (2) [7.02][edit]

Kevin: Don't you think I have enough problems with Lucy without your help?
Ruthie: What kind of problems? Is it sex? Is that you're problem with Lucy?
Kevin: No, it is not sex and I don't think it's cute for you to ask me that because it's completely inappropriate.

Eric: Simon! Kitchen! Now!
Annie: What's going on?
Simon: I think Dad wants to see me in the kitchen.

Lucy: Robbie said that you said that Mary told you Robbie and I slept together.
Kevin: So, are you mad at Mary because she said something to me or because I said something to Robbie?
Lucy: I don't know why she would say something. and I don't know you said something to Robbie, especially without saying something to me first. And I'm still upset with your new partner. Is she still around?
Kevin: Yes, and I'm sorry if there a rule that I have to discuss everything I say to Robbie with you? Because I didn't know that was a rule. And now that I do I'm not agreeing to it.
Lucy: You don't have to agree with it because it's still a rule.
Kevin: Let's see how that works out.
Lucy: See how what works out?
Kevin: This. (He kisses her)
Lucy: Wait. You can't... you can't...
Kevin: I can't do what?
Lucy: You can't just do that every time I try to talk to about something serious.
Kevin: Why not?
Lucy: Because it's a rule and I don't care if you agree to it because it's still a rule. (runs upstairs, yelling down at Kevin) And change partners!
Kevin: [to himself] Man I love that woman.

Kevin: Last night when I was talking to Mary.
Robbie: Mom said we shouldn't talk to her.
Kevin: I know but I did it anyways and you know what she said. She said,”Oh, really? Did you know Robbie and Lucy had a little sleep over in his room last year.” Is that true? Did Lucy ever spend the night with you in this room?
Robbie: Is that why you want to trade my room for yours?
Kevin: I'll take that as a yes.

Sam: Shh! Don't wake up Mom.
David: Dad said let her sleep.

Ruthie: Is this a way a woman who wants to be a minister should behave?
Lucy: No...

Eric: You'd consider leaving your family in order to be with this low-life sky jockey who's got a daughter your own age?
Mary: I really have to go now! Would you please get out of my car!?
Eric: I hope that every time that you even think about kissing him you think about kissing your father! And for anyone who's listening, that came out completely wrong!

Robbie: Simon, you're not just a date, you're running an escort service. You can't do that.
Simon: Why not? It's not illegal.
Robbie: It's immoral.
Simon: No, it's not. It's practically a public service. I'm not selling sex.
Robbie: You're one step away from it!

Simon: You let Mary date a man as old as Dad and I can't even have my own apartment.
Annie: That's really lame, Simon.

Ruthie: Can a guy under age 18 can get arrested for soliciting?
Simon: You don't even know what that means?
Ruthie: Yes I do, I asked Kevin what it is when one person pays money to another person to go out with them, and he said it's soliciting. Women are actually paying you money to go out with them? That's where you are evey night?
Simon: How do you know that?
Ruthie: Deductive reasoning.
Simon: It's nothing bad. It's just when a woman at my school needs a date because she's broken up with her boyfriend or she wants to make her boyfriend jealous, or has a special function, like a wedding to go to and se doesn't want to go herself, then I just help them out.
Ruthie: For money?
Simon: It doesn't matter how nice you try to make it sound. It's still wrong, and I think you should stop doing it. And I think if you don't something bad is going to happen to you.

Ruthie: You're amazing. You have no fear of me whatsoever. I admire that... sort of.
Kevin: Upstairs. All the way upstairs. And if I ever catch you listening on one of my conversations I'm not going to let you off with just a warning.
Ruthie: Is that a threat? Man, you give a guy a uniform and a gun and they think they rule the world.

The Enemy Within [7.03][edit]

Ken Smith: I'm Jack's dad, Captain Jack Smith. The pilot your daughter Mary seduced.

Kevin: What happened to snooping around in my room?
Lucy: Ben talked me out of it, probably because he needed a ride to the airport.
Kevin: I can't stay long. I just came by to tell you I loved you and even if you had been with another guy I would still love you.
Lucy: Well, I haven't.
Kevin: Well that's your business. What's in the past is in the past.

Ken Smith: [about Mary] How many times has she claimed to be in love?
Ben: I met Mary when she was engaged to Wilson, then I dated her and she dumped me for your son, so if I were you I wouldn't worry about Mary and Jack. [Robbie walks in and out] That was Robbie, another one of Mary's old boyfriends before me, after and before Wilson. So, as you can see for yourself, Mary's not that serious with anyone.
Ken Smith: Thanks for confirming my worst fear.

Bowling for Eric [7.04][edit]

Eric: [to Lucy] You're intelligent, kind and sweet, you'd do anything to help anyone. You're a wonderfull daughter and a caring sister. You have principles, and no matter how hard it is for you, you live by them. You constantly challenge yourself, your friends and your family. You're extremely passionate about all things and people you love. You, Lucy Camden, are a fantastic person and if they gave out an award for best in the human race, you would win it year after year.

Eric: I'm ready to talk.
Annie: Oh, really? Because I'm not talking to you.
Eric: You were right. There's something going on, and I need to tell you what it is. I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow, but you should know first. I have to have open heart surgery. A bypass. A double bypass.
Annie: I knew you were going to say that. [cries and hugs him]

The Heart of the Matter [7.05][edit]

Ben: Okay, Kevin, why don't you want to marry Lucy?
Kevin: I do want to marry her.
Lucy: Then why won't you ask me?
Ben: I thought you weren't talking to him.
Lucy: [rolls her eyes, looks at Ben] If Kevin wants to marry me, he should ask me.
Ben: Yes, Kevin, why is that?
Kevin: Well, Ben, maybe you can tell her that the only reason she wants to get married is because her father is sick and she feels scared and vulnerable. Once her father gets better, then what happens?
Lucy: That's not true!
Ben: You said you weren't talking to him.
Lucy: Shut up!

Regarding Eric [7.06][edit]

Ruthie: [to Kevin, Lucy, Ben, Robbie & Simon] Don't be stingy. Go to Dad with your problems. Make him feel needed.

Kevin: [to Ben] I'm not coming home any time soon. I'm going to marry Lucy.

Gabrielle Come Blow Your Horn [7.07][edit]

Ruthie: You wouldn't happen to know how to bake a cake?
Gabrielle: I'm not baking a cake for your stinkin' boyfriend!

Gabrielle: [to Lucy and Ruthie] Hopefully I'll be so drunk, I'll be cremated before they find me. Then they can just put me in an old peanut butter jar and toss me out to sea. [laughs] Which reminds me, do your parents got any booze in the house?

Kevin: Yeah, I think she's got a crush on that new guy.
Lucy: What new guy?
Kevin: The new minister at your dad's church.

Peer Pressure [7.08][edit]

Simon: [to Kevin] You know there's a reason why Lucy gets left out and told about stuff last. She's... crazy.

Yasmine: I'm impressed. I've never met anyone who developed such skills at make-up at this age.
Ruthie: I've watched Mary and Lucy for years.
Yasmine: And has it paid off? All that make-up, I mean?
Ruthie: Have you seen Kevin? It totally paid off. It helps. Believe me.

Lost Souls [7.09][edit]

Lucy: I want to be a minister because I want to be like my dad. I want to do what he does, I want to be who he is in the community. I want to serve God and I want to serve mankind. And I believe that this is my purpose in life and I was guided to that purpose in a unique way by being the daughter of a minister.

Ruthie: [about Eric] He's gonna be fine in time.
Annie: He had enough time.

A Cry for Help (a.k.a. Female Trouble) [7.10][edit]

Ruthie: Can I move to a foreign country?
Annie: No.
Ruthie: I'll write.

Lucy: [to Kevin] Sometimes when it comes to you and me and us, I'm not so logical.

Sunday [7.11][edit]

Lucy: [to the Congregation] It was my dad's wish that we return to the Sunday night services after the first of the year. And it was Chandler's wish that I take the first service, being my dad's daughter and a divinity student myself. So, the text of the sermon is quite short. Genesis 2, 2nd and 3rd verse. "And he rested on the 7th day from all of his work he had made. And God blessed the 7th day and sanctified it". It wasn't that long ago that Sunday was the day we all rested. We treated Sunday as a special day, when we came to Sunday school and church. And we rested when we went home. We talked, we read, we spent time to ourselves. Meditating. Or praying. Or just reflecting on our lives, our purpose, our behavior. Or even just the events of the week that just passed. It wasn't that long ago that businesses weren't open on Sunday. If you got in your car it was to visit your friends and family, just to let them know that you care, or maybe check out their situation, or just help out. At the end of the day of what used to be Sunday, people were rested and looked forward to the following week, sometimes with the determination to be kinder, to do better, to work harder. What happened to Sunday? Our parents grew up with Sunday's off. That means they had 52 days a year to rest. And those were the years when there was a summer. A real summer. Three months off from school for children to play. A break from the 9-month long school year when the routine was different. The energy was different. The air was sweeter. The nights longer, and children stayed up late because they could sleep in the next morning. It was when children wore themselves out with the fun of summer and longed for school again. We don't really have those summers anymore. We don't have those Sunday's anymore either. Children and parents and families and adults have 52 more days a year to do stuff. Sunday is the day we catch up on our work and our homework, because there is so much work and so much homework there's no time to do it. We work 7 days a week or at least are on the go 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. And yet we wonder why children grow up so fast. Why people need drugs to relax. Why they need human contact even if it's in the form of inappropriate unfulfilling sex. Could it be because we've lost 52 opportunities a year to rest and reflect and/or visit our friends and loved ones? That's 520 days in 10 years. That's 1,040 days in 20 years. I've lost 1,040-plus days in my life because Sunday is no longer Sunday. And I'm stressed and tired and irritable, and I feel as if I have no time to do the things I need to do and never have the time to do the things I want to do. And I'm just turning 21. How am I going to feel when I'm my dad's age? How are all of us going to feel when I'm my dad's age? Yet I fear we've lost our Sunday's forever unless we make an effort to reclaim them. And in losing our Sunday's, we're losing a lot more. We're losing ourselves. It's just something I was thinking about. God bless you for hearing my thoughts and being with me.

Annie: The twins need a bath, Happy needs a bath, I need a bath.
Lucy: What does that have to do with Sunday?
Annie: Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Back in the Saddle Again [7.12][edit]

Ruthie: I was surprised to hear that you have CF. My dad told me a little about it, but I'd like to more, or really, I'd like to know more about you. I just don't want to pry. I mean, we just met and everything. We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about, but I'm a pretty good listener, if you want to try me.
Katelyn: I have good days and bad days with my CF. Some days are tough, and the medical treatments are a pain in the butt, but you know what? I get through those days, just so I can enjoy the good days. I have plenty of good days.

Randy: [about his daughter Katelyn] She was symptomatic from birth. She had a lot of lung infections and poor weight gain, but she wasn't diagnosed until age two. We just have to be diligent with the meds, and even then, we have the occasional trips to the hospital.
Eric: What about you? How are you?
Randy: [points to his chest] When I first found out, I had a lot of numbness right here. Then the numbness wore off, and I felt extreme pain. My heart broke in a million pieces. But over time, the pieces got put back together again, and I'm stronger than ever. I realized that I don't have time for pity, and she doesn't want it, so I spend my days being grateful for the opportunity to know such an inspiring young woman. (looks at Katelyn, smiling and laughing with Ruthie) Just look at her. Isn't she great?

Kevin: [to Annie] I'm going home. Evidently Roxanne has turned into Lucy, and if I'm going to deal with Lucyness in my life twenty-four hours a day, I'm going to need my rest. Do you have any advice?

It's Not Always About You [7.13][edit]

Ruthie: So, tell me the truth. Are you gonna join all my friends' parents and get a divorce?
Eric: A divorce? Why would you think that?
Ruthie: Ben told me.
Eric: He what?
Annie: I called him and he agreed not to give any of our kids any more advice without consulting us first. (turns to Ruthie) Therapy can help people when they want the help.

Annie: Your father and I would never get a divorce.
Ruthie: How do you know that? You won't even go to therapy with him! Maybe he'll decide without you! This isn't just about you. It's about our whole family!

Smoking [7.14][edit]

Sam & David: We like Kevin.
Lucy: I like Kevin too.
David: Then marry him.
Sam: Yeah, marry him.
Lucy: He hasn't asked me yet.
Sam & David: Why?
Kevin: Did you pay them to say that?
Lucy: No, I didn't pay them to say that! They're children. They're naturally curious. But since the boys brought it up.
Kevin: They're asking because you want to know!
Lucy: How do you know that?
Kevin: Everyone in this house is asking me when I'm going to ask you to be my wife. And after they ask me when I'm going to ask you. I ask them why they're asking because it's nobody's business except yours and mine. And they say they're asking because you're driving them nuts too! Won't you just throttle back and let me surprise you?
Lucy: Fine. Surprise me. But whatever you're doing, better be fantastic. Because if I waited all this time for a proposal over a burger and a coke at the dairy shack, I'm going to be very upset!

I Love Lucy [7.15][edit]

Lucy: I told you something bad was going to happen. When she's in the middle of her crab legs, it'll suddenly occur to her that Chandler is not the guy for her and she'll find us and...Oh my God. She said he was going to ask her to marry him. Ugh. I hate her. I hate him too. They don't even know each other. Kevin and I know each other. We're in love with each other. We should be getting engaged tonight. Not them. I may look like the crazy person, but they're the crazy people. Crazy people who are going to get married before I do. When I see Kevin, he is so going to get a piece of my heart. He probably knows Chandler is going to propose to her and that's why he is being nice and going through all this trouble.
Kevin Kinkirk: Lucy Camden, will you marry me?
Lucy: [to God] Thank you. [to Kevin] Yes, Kevin Kinkirk, I will marry you.

Stand Up [7.16][edit]

Lucy: [to Eric] I've dreamed about my wedding day ever since I was a little girl and when I dreamed of it I could see everything family, friends, flowers, the church, me in a beautiful wedding dress. Then there was you, watching me walk down the aisle. Watching my fiance who back then happened to be Brad Pitt pull back my veil. Then Brad would take my hand and we would turn to you and with tears in your eyes, you would marry us. I know that my dream has changed a lot over the years especially the Brad Pitt thing, but Dad, one thing that has always remained the same, you were always the person I saw marrying me and if you don't, it won't feel like I'm really married.

Peter: I told you, women love dogs.
Ruthie: No, women love Ben.

Kevin: Isn't bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony?
Lucy: I think having to wear this dress just to make my mother happy is bad luck enough.

High Anxiety [7.17][edit]

We Do [7.18][edit]

Eric : Uh, and then I pronounce you husband and wife. Then I tell you, Kevin that you may kiss the bride. And you may. And then, as I present you to the church, everyone stands, and you take his arm, Lucy, and then I nod to Ruthie and she returns your flowers to you, and then Lucy and Kevin will proceed back down the aisle, and this time Ruthie and Simon follows you hopefully along with Matt and Mary, Oh and Uh, Kevin's sister uh, Patty Mary, and your brother Ben
Kevin : Sounds good to me
Lucy : What if the storm keeps Matt and Mary and your mom and Patty Mary, and Ben from getting here?
Kevin : The airport will open up tomorrow
Lucy : It has to. And if it doesn't?
Ruthie : Yeah, what if it's just us? What if none of his family gets here?
Kevin : As of tomorrow, my family is Lucy and me
Lucy : I feel like the luckiest woman in the entire world
Eric : Yes you are. I think you're both...very lucky to have found each other
Annie : It is so good. To see you back in your church again.
Lucy : So, are we really gonna do this? I'm gonna be Mrs. Kevin Kinkirk?
Kevin : Are you still having doubts about me? Even now?
Lucy : Promise me you'll be here. Promise me that you won't leave me standing at the altar. Promise me that nothing will keep you from marrying me. That neither rain nor snow nor heat nor...gloom of night will keep you from your appointed rounds
Kevin : I promise
Gabrielle : Is it too late?
Eric : T-Too late? Uh...n-n...for the wedding, no. We just finished the rehearsal
Gabrielle : The colonel sent me -- they're not gonna make it. I'm here to help in any way I can
Annie : I'm sorry you had to drive all the way from here from...wherever you drove, but I-I-I don't think there's anything you can do, Gabrielle. You're welcome to come to the wedding...of course
Gabrielle : Well not unless I can make some sort of contribution. I insist on helping
Eric : Well, r-really we're happy to have you, Gabrielle, uh, but I don't know aside from showing us tomorrow night at 7:30 and having a good time, there's nothing you can do
Gabrielle : I'll call the colonel and let him know

Hank : Oh, thank God. I've got to get to the hospital to deliver a baby, some guy ran me off the road
Roxanne : There are accidents all over the city, but we've got a break in the rain for a few minutes. Come on, I'll get you some help.
Hank : Oh boy
Roxanne : Aren't you...?
Hank : And you're...
Roxanne : Roxanne, Kevin's partner!
Hank : Of course, I'm hank. I'm married to Eric's sister, Julie
Roxanne : Right. We met at the house, Christmas. Come on, I'll get you to the hospital
Hank : Thank you

Lucy : [knocks] Kevin it's me. Kevin, we have to talk
Eric : I'm awake; I heard her
Lucy : Kevin?
Kevin : Lucy?
Lucy : Hi
Kevin : Hi yourself. Can't wait until tomorrow night?
Lucy : I'm scared
Kevin : It's going to be fine. I love you
Lucy : What if no one makes it?
Kevin : Are you talking about the wedding?
Lucy : Yes, what did you think I was talking about?
Kevin : The wedding night
Lucy : You think I'm scared of...you> No, I can't wait, believe me

[Thunder crashing]

Eric : [whispering] Did she say anything to you?
Ruthie : No
Simon : You think she'll call it off?
Annie : No
Ruthie : Then what are they doing in there?

[Lucy laughs]

Lucy : Shh
Kevin : What did you think, I was going to be wearing my pajamas and a smoking jacket? I didn't know you were gonna wake me up in the middle of the night
Lucy : Put something on, and I'll step out into the hall

[thunders crashing] [door closes]

Lucy : [whispering] What are you doing here?
Eric : We might ask you the same thing
Lucy : I wanted to talk to Kevin about whether or not we should go through the wedding considering no one can get here and it's still storming
Kevin : I didn't realize everyone was waiting for me
Lucy : They're not -- they're going to bed
Ruthie : Without knowing whether or not you're calling pf the wedding? I don't think so
Kevin : We're not calling of the wedding
Lucy : But even if the airport opens, it's been closed for over 24 hours. The flights are gonna be backed up
Kevin : Do you mind?

[everyone walks away] [Lucy and Kevin kiss]

Kevin : As much as I want my mom and Ben and Patty Mary to be at my wedding, if they're not there, I'll be okay
Lucy : I want my grandparents and Matt and Mary to be there

[Lucy and Kevin kiss]

Lucy : [groans} It's just that...I want everything to be perfect, and yet, I know life's not perfect.
Kevin : No, it's not [they kiss] But parts of it are very, very good [kiss again]

That Touch of Bink (1) [7.19][edit]

Dick (2) [7.20][edit]

Peter : This is all your fault. I should've put a stop to my mom dating this guy before they decided to get married.
Ruthie : They're not gonna get married. My father won't let it happen.
Peter : I have a feeling Dick isn't gonna let Reverend Camden or anyone else get in the way.

Paris : Your son, Matt, got engaged on the first date, didn't he?
Eric : Uh...yeah.
Dick : I knew my 1st wife for years before we got married. That was a mistake. This isn't a mistake.
Eric : How does Peter feel about you getting married?
Dick : Well, Peter's opinion is very important to me, but what kid Peter's age wouldn't resent a man coming into his mother's life? It's to be expected. But I'm confident that I can win over him. I'm working on it, and I'm gonna make it work. Because I'm not just marrying Paris, I'm marrying Paris and Peter.
Eric : Okay.

Dick : Hey. How's the homework coming?
Peter : It's coming fine.
Dick : Need some help?
Peter : No I don't need some help.
Dick : I was just asking. But you can drop the attitude.
Peter : And if I don't.
Paris : And if you don't?
Dick : [sighs] let me handle this between me and Peter.
Peter : Stay. This isn't between just me and him. It's between all of us. I don't want you to get married. You don't even know him. We don' t even know him.
Dick : But I want you to get to know me.
Peter : Why, so you can be my new dad?
Dick : I...I don't want to be your new dad. I know you have a dad. I just want you to be your friend.
Peter : You don't fool me. You know all the right things to say, but it doesn't matter, because we both know something isn't right here
Paris: [sigh] I'm sorry. I'll go talk to..
Dick : No, no, no, I...I don't want to upset him more than he's already upset. This is hard for him. He...he's used to being the man of the house, and I'm stepping on his territory. I understand completely. Let him cool down and...I'll try again tomorrow. And if that doesn't work, I'll try the next day and the next, because now that I've found you, I'm never gonna lose you, Paris Petrowski.

Dick : I know that Peter's having a hard time, but if we could just get him to see the possibilities, you know, it could be so nice for all of us. I've always wanted to have the opportunity to be involved with Little League. I like to fish, go camping.
Paris : I just don't think you're even giving Dick a chance.
Peter : I'm just not comfortable around him.
Paris : Is there anything he could do to make you more comfortable?
Peter : Yeah, he could leave.
Eric : Or he could give you a little more time. Would that work?
Dick : Maybe it's not a matter of time. Maybe this just isn't going to work.
Paris : But I want it to work, and you want it to work.
Eric : Could I talk to your mother and Dick alone?
Peter : Be my guest.
Dick : Do you see what I'm up against here?
Eric : Yeah.
Dick : No offense, Reverend, but this just isn't going to working. I-I think maybe we need a child psychiatrist, somebody who specializes in child therapy, un-unless of course that would offend you, and then, well...I-I'm willing to go along at this pace, if that's what it takes to get you to marry us...because Paris wants you to marry us. And I do, too.
Eric : Well, It doesn't offend me at all, and I know how much you love to jump right in and, and take action, Dick, and it's a good thing you have initiative. So I-I'm going to set you up with the best child psychiatrist I know. Dr. Gibson? Hey, It's Eric Camden. Well, I, uh...I have a bit of an emergency. Could you see a young man and his mother and prospective stepfather, tonight? I'd really appreciate it. How's 7:30? It's great. Okay, yeah. Bye.
Paris : [sigh] Thanks.
Dick : Great.
Eric : Let me break the news about this to Peter alone, since we don't want him to resent you anymore than he already does, Dick. And I can walk him home.
Dick : That's okay. We'll wait outside.

Dick : I just want to be part of what Paris and Peter already have. I want to be a family.
Dr. Gibson : Yeah. They are a good family, aren't they?
Dick : Yes they are.
Dr. Gibson : Okay, we just have a couple of minutes left, Peter and I you've been patiently waiting for me to get around you, and you've probably wondering why I haven't. I've just been letting Dick talk because the more he talked, the more certain I became of something. Peter, has Dick ever threatened you?
Peter : Yes. He told me in church last Sunday that...If I messed things up between him and my mom...that he'd get rid of my dog and...that he'd get rid of me
Dick : [chuckling] Peter? We're all being truthful here. Come on
'Dr. Gibson : Oh, I don't doubt Pete's being truthful. I don't doubt it at all. Because, Dick, you're the classic abuser. You just met Paris, and already you want to marry her. You want her to spend less time at work, more time at home maybe even quit her job. You know just what to say to gain control. You've already made Paris lose some of her confidence in her parenting skills, and I imagine, pretty soon, you'd have her feeling so badly about herself that she'd let you make all the decisions, maybe even the ones regarding her son. And if you could just get the two of them separated...well, it'd just became so easy, the emotional abuse...and then the physical abuse. And certainly it would help for you to get rid of the dog. You are an abuser, aren't you Dick? We're ready.
Dick : Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I-I don't know what kind of crazy scheme this is, but whatever it is, you better have proof of what you just accused me of, Dr. Gibson...if you are a doctor.
Dr. Gibson : I'm a doctor all right. And Kevin has the proof. And not of my having a Ph. D, and an MD...but your being an abuser.
Kevin : After ending a violent marriage to you, your ex-wife filed a restraining order against you. And you're on probation for violating that restraining order right now, aren't you? Don't go near Ms. Petrowski or Peter ever again. Don't call, don't write. If you even look over the back fence, I'll come after you
Eric : However, you're...welcome in my office any time, day or night.

Life and Death (1) [7.21][edit]

Lucy: [to Annie] What do you mean, sometimes a birth control doesn't work?

Matt: I guess I'm stronger than the pill.
Sarah: Let's hope not.

Sarah: I'm stressed out from school and this is the last thing I need, a health problem.
Matt: It's going to be fine and it's funny your referring to this as a health problem.

Nurse: Good night, Grandpa.
Eric: Grandpa?

Life and Death (2) [7.22][edit]

Annie: [to Eric] As of yesterday, Ruthie became a woman.

Annie: I know what's going on. I know you've started your period. Now is there anything you'd like to talk about?
Ruthie: I'm going to kill Peter Patrowski!

Ruthie: Mom, if I can't go kill Peter, I just want to be alone! [goes upstairs]
Eric: Ruthie just started her period?
Annie: Yes. [starts crying] And she doesn't want her mother!

Season 8[edit]

The Long Bad Summer (1) [8.01][edit]

Twins : Daddy! Daddy, Daddy!
Eric : Hi, guys
Lucy : How you doing?
Eric : I'm okay. How are you?
Lucy : Okay. As okay as any of us
Kevin : Looks like it's going to be a nice day today
Eric : Where's Simon?
Annie : Please, it's the last day of vacation. Simon...
Simon : I don't want to be on vacation. I don't want to have a picnic on the beach.
Annie : I'm gonna keep saying this to you until I get through to you: it was an accident

Kevin : I love you
Lucy : I love you, too
Kevin : It's been a tough summer. You know, ever since you told me you thought that you might be pregnant, I felt really happy, not that you weren't pregnant, but because you will be someday. Someday, you and I will have children together, and I can't wait
Lucy : Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to. We're due downstairs for some more family fun
Kevin : What do you think?
Lucy : About?
Kevin : About having children?
Lucy : I still have 2 years of school left I think we better wait until I get out of school
Kevin : If that's what you want
Lucy : It's not what I want. What I want is to have a baby. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since the scare either. No, we can't. We really can't
Kevin : I could baby-sit while you go to class

[Lucy chuckles]

Kevin : No, I could
Lucy : Are you serious? You want to have a baby?
Kevin : I need something life-affirming


Lucy : We all do

Ruthie : Do you have any kings?
Sam : N...no
David : Yes, he does
Sam : No, I don't
Peter : Are you sure? If you have a card with a king on it, you have to give it to Ruthie
Sam : I'm sure
Peter : Sorry this is the last day of vacation. It's been really fun
Ruthie : This is the best vacation I've ever had. I'm really glad you came
Peter : I'm really glad you invited me

[Boys making kissing sounds]

Peter : Why do you guys want to give me a hard time huh?
Sam : Because we love you
David : We love you
Sam : And you love Ruthie
David : You love Ruthie

[Boys making kissing sounds] [Peter scares them] [Boys laughing and running away]

Ruthie : I just wish I didn't feel so guilty about having a good time
Peter : I feel badly for Simon, too but I'm still having a good time

Eric : What are you doing here?
Chandler : Uh, I was wondering what you were doing here
Eric : We have the house until Sunday
Chandler : Uh, you have the house till Saturday, and, it's uh, late Saturday. And we're here because it's our turn
Eric : We're not going home until tomorrow
Chandler : What about church?
Eric : We'll be home in time for church
Chandler : You said you wanted to be home for the weekend
Eric : Did I? Uh, I meant I wanted to be home for Sunday
Chandler : Well, It's a very long drive. We can just turn around and go back
Eric : No, no, of course not. Uh, come on in
Chandler : Oh, no, no, I don't want to spoil you last night here, which was supposed to be last night
Eric : I wouldn't want to spoil your first night here, which is supposed to be tomorrow night
Roxanne : [Talking to Simon] How are you doing?
Simon : How do you think I'm doing?
Roxanne : I was just making polite conversation. But if you want to, we can talk. I've been worried about you
Simon : I wish everyone would stop worrying about me. It just makes it worse
Roxanne : To have people care about you?
Simon : I don't want anyone to care about me
Roxanne : Not even Cecilia?
Simon : No, not even Cecilia
Roxanne : Simon, don't do this to yourself
Simon : I killed someone. And don't say it was an accident...because it was an accident that happend when I was driving. I'm responsible for killing someone
Chandler : How's he doing?
Eric : Not so well
Chandler : When do you go to court?
Eric : Next week. Unless our insurance company settles, and they don't want to settle
Chandler : Does Simon have to go?
Eric : He doesn't have to go. But I think he should. It was an accident
Chandler : Look, I almost forgot why you were on this vacation. Roxanne and I will get a hotel and we'll come back tomorrow
Eric : No, you should stay here
Chandler : No, you spend you last night with your family, all right? I'm sorry about the mix-up
Eric : No, there are plenty of rooms here for everyone. There's a room for you...and a room for Roxanne. Unless, of course, if you decide to get married tonight
Chandler : Ah, we'll just leave and come back
Eric : Come back married?
Chandler : I don't want to get into this right now...again
Eric : Ok, no judgement
Chandler : You don't know that we're doing anything. She's not sure if she wants to get married right now
Eric : Depends on whether or not the fun lasts?
Chandler : What time are you leaving tomorrow?
Eric : No matter when we leave, whether we're here or not, God knows what you're doing
Chandler : God does, but none of you do.

Sam : We're hungry
David : Yeah, we're hungry
Eric : You just ate
Sam : The beach makes me hungry all the time
David : When are we eating dinner?
Eric : In an hour or so. How about a snack?
Sam : What's for dinner?
Eric : Whatever your mom wants to cook
Sam : She's sleeping
David : If she sleeps until tomorrow morning, we won't have dinner
Eric : Well, she won't do that. She only did that once, and we still ate, didn't we?

An Early Fall (2) [8.02][edit]

Mary: Carlos and I got married... last April. A week after Lucy and Kevin.

Sam & David: What's for dinner?
Annie: Same thing we've been having all summer. Trouble. A big bowl of heaping trouble, with a Mary on top.

Eric: [about learning that Mary and Carlos got married] I hope they will be very happy. For the rest of their stupid lives.

Annie: Simon, no more running away. We want you home with us. You scared me.

Mary: You know, don't you?
Carlos: All I know is that I love you.
Mary: How do you know?!
Carlos: Just say it.
Mary: I can't.
Carlos: Why?
Mary: Because once I say it, it'll be true.
Carlos: And I want it to be true.
[Long pause]
Mary: We're gonna have a baby.
Carlos: Yes! [hugs Mary] Oh, yes!
Mary: Soy una gallina loca emperazada!

P.K. [Preacher's Kid] [8.03][edit]

Chandler: [to his date] I don't want to talk about the Camdens anymore. Can you go back to the anti-depressants?

Kevin: I don't think that this is funny. You should never play hide and seek with a babysitter. In fact, hide and seek may not be a good game to play at all.
Haley: Could you be a little nicer? You're scaring me.

Lou: [about Carlos and Mary getting married] So, are you going to make a formal announcement?"
Eric: What? And spoil all the fun at the church?

I Wasn't Expecting That! [8.04][edit]

Peter: Sam and David ate the coal.
Sam: I like coal.
David: Me, too. I'm gonna be a miner.

Eric: Are you ok?
Kevin: Lucy and I haven't had sex since I got pummeled by that woman.
Eric: Good night.

Chandler: I don't think you're that close yet. I don't think you'll ever be that close where you can talk to him about having sex with his daughter.

Eric: [about Annie] She's always cranky when she comes back from her little trips.

Simon's Home Video [8.05][edit]

Simon: This is our house...only it's not our house because it belongs to the church. My dad is a Protestant minister. Because my dad and mom moved here shortly after they were married with my dad's first big assignment, we all grew up here. Or we're growing up here...in this house that really isn't ours. Most of the time, that doesn't bother me, but...you know, sometimes it does. Maybe someday I'll become rich enough to buy it from the church, so we can keep it in the family. It's not impossible. I've always been known as the Bank of Simon. I'm good with money. When I was 10, I begged my dad for a dog. And when that didn't work, I went to a higher authority. I was certain that a dog would just appear out of the either, but...(chuckles) Dad wasn't so sure. "Simon, if by some great cosmic coincidence, a dog happens to come to you here at the house, fine, but you don't go out looking for a dog, and you don't trick one into coming into the yard." Fortunately, in addition to delivering many heartfelt prayers, I also begged my mom for a dog, and she stopped by the pound and rescued one -- this one, Happy. So I believed my prayers were answered. Dad let me keep her, even though we found out she was having puppies.

Simon : The curly-haired one is Ruthie. She's my youngest sister. We shared a room at one time for a long time, and that's probably why I still feel closest to her. We've been through a lot together -- that and the and fact that she's saner. Than My 2 older sisters. Lucy is 21. She's been married about 6 months to Kevin. He's a cop. Lucy wants to follow in my father's footsteps and become a minister. And evidently, Mary has decided to follow in my mother's footsteps because she's 22 and she's gonna have a baby with her husband, Carlos. They got married the week after Lucy and Kevin...only, no one knew. They just told us when they found out they were pregnant. This is my older brother, Matt. He's 24 now. 2nd year of medical school. He's married, too, to Sarah. She's also 24 and in her 2nd year of medical school. They've all married young, but what are we supposed to do? It's get married and have sex or don't get married and don't have sex. And of course, we've all wrestled with the other choices. Although she better not be wrestling with anyone soon, especially him. He better not even think about coming anywhere near her. Oh, that's...that's Peter, Ruthie's boyfriend. And these 2 are Sam and David my youngest brothers, they're 4. They're twins. Right, 4 year old twins. Matt's 24. Uh, here's the family. Mary's 22. Lucy's 21. I'm 17. Ruthie's 13. And then Sam and David are 4. We were all surprised when Mom and Dad decided to have more children...and happy. We were happy -- happy and surprised. But...we shouldn't have been. My mom and dad have always been hot for each other. I can't think of a better way to describe them. I think they're the reason Matt, Mary, and Lucy got married. They want that. We all want that. It's like...being in 7th Heaven. Permanently.

Simon : It takes a lot of work to get that kind of relationship and keep it going, and no one's tried harder than Lucy. She got off to a bad start

Charity Begins at Home [8.06][edit]

Getting to Know You [8.07][edit]

Baggage [8.08][edit]

Go Ask Alice [8.09][edit]

The One Thing [8.10][edit]

Dr. Norton : It's a classic indication of obstructive lung disease, and it...Miss Glass, welcome. Mr. Simon here has a long-standing history of asthma. He presents today with increasing SOB.
Sarah : SOB?
Dr. Norton : No, it's not an epithet.
Matt : Uh, shortness of breath.
Dr. Norton : Well, thank you for interrupting, Mr...Camden. Why don't you listen to Mr. Simon's lungs and tell us what you hear.
Matt : I've lost my bag.
Dr. Norton : Your what?
Matt : My stethoscope -- it was my black bag. I must have left it in the subway.
Student : Wow, you have a black bag.
Dr. Norton : Okay, anyone willing to help out our poor Mr. Camden? Oh, look. No one else left theirs on the subway. On second thought, you may need those. Uh...Nurse Kelly...
Nurse Kelly : Yes?
Dr. Norton : Would you be kind enough to lend our Mr. Camden here your stethoscope for the day?
Nurse Kelly : No.
Dr. Norton : Don't worry, I'll make sure he gives it back. Consider it your contribution to medical education.
Nurse Kelly : Find me when you're done. Okay?
Dr. Norton : Oh...[stammers] Doctors are a lot like boy scouts. They're expected to be prepared and on time. Understood, Miss Glass? Mr. Camden? Mr. Camden?
Matt : Uh...bilateral exploratory wheezes with rails at the right base?
Dr. Norton : Brilliant.

Dr. Norton : Write this down, Mr. Camden. Turn off phone. All right, the lab is down the hall. Time-stamp your requisitions. Curtains three, four, five. Psych patients are stored next to bed eight. Try not to lose anybody
Sarah : What's the problem?
Matt : I can't turn it off
Sarah : Why?
Matt : It won't turn off
Dr. Norton : Then, get rid of it. Trauma rooms one, two, three
Student : Do we get to work on traumas?
Dr. Norton : No. Are you getting all of this Mr. Camden? Main desk, Dr. Sterling. This is one of our residents, Dr. Lisa Sterling. Dr. Sterling will assign you your patients. You're expected to do histories and physicals, draw bloods and gather lab results.
Dr. Sterling : Okay. Drawing blood, room three
Nurse : They look like little vampires

Patient : Ouch!
Sarah : Sorry
Dr. Sterling : No, never say sorry. It's a sign of weakness
Patient : Is it all right to say ouch? Ouch! How about getting a nurse to do this?
Matt : Uh, I'll give it a shot
Dr. Sterling : All right, Mr. Adams, if Mr. Camden here can't get it on the first try,then I'll do it myself
Patient : I thought the nurses drew blood. Do you even remember how?
Dr. Sterling : Tourniquet. Prep the area
Matt : Got it. Bevel up 20 degrees immobilize the vein and...
Patient : Hey, you drew first blood. I hardly felt it
Dr. Sterling : Good job. Make sure it gets to the labs
Patient : Hey doc, can you get this guy to do all my tests?
Dr. Norton : The rest of you guys need to practice
Patient : Not on me
Sarah : You going to tell them

When Bad Conversations Happen to Good People [8.11][edit]

The Prodigal Father [8.12][edit]

Major League [8.13][edit]

Healing Old Wounds [8.14][edit]

Don't Speak Ill of the Dead or the Living [8.15][edit]

The Anniversary [8.16][edit]

Two Weddings, an Engagement, and a Funeral [8.17][edit]

Angel [8.18][edit]

There's No Place Like It [8.19][edit]

High and Dry [8.20][edit]

Lost and Found [8.21][edit]

Little White Lies (1) [8.22][edit]

Little White Lies (2) [8.23][edit]

Season 9[edit]

Dropping Trou (1) [9.01][edit]

Annie: Sam. David.
David: I'm sorry.
Sam: Me too. I'm real sorry.
David: I'm real sorry too.
Annie: What happened?
David: The girl hit him, so I hit her.
Sam: Then she cried.
David: So I tried to stop her.
Sam: Then she screamed.
David: So I decided to run.
Sam: So I ran after him.
David: So the teacher ran after us.
Sam: Then we ran faster and faster.
David: So she ran faster.
Sam: Then she fall down.
David: So we kept on running.
Sam: Than we got tired.
David: So we hid in the bathroom.
Sam: Then the teacher found us.
David: So she wrote you a letter.
Sam & David: The end!

Ruthie: Look, I regret that...
Martin: Yeah, you regret that?...
Ruthie: I regret that you wouldn't give me a ride on my first day of school and you have absolutely no sense of humor.

The Best Laid Plans (2) [9.02][edit]

Simon: Can we please have the courtesy of a knock?
Annie: I didn't know you were home and last time I checked it was still my house. Simon, come on. What's going on with you? What's wrong?
Simon: Nothing's wrong with me. What's wrong with you?
Annie: Well, I don't approve of you staying out all night and I don't want you to have sex before you're married. Other than that, nothing.

Martin: You know what? Forget about it. You're just a spoiled brat! You get your way with everyone because you're the youngest girl in the family and everyone treats you like a baby. Everyone thinks it's funny or cute when you do something wrong, but you're not with your family when you're at school and other people may not find you so funny and cute.
Ruthie: Wow. I wondered how you lost Cecilia. I wondered why you haven't been able to get another girlfriend. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that you don't know how to talk to women.
Martin: A woman doesn't pantsed a guy at school.
Ruthie: Oh, please, what's the big deal? If one of your buddies did that, would you be acting like this? No! You want an apology? A heart-felt apology? Ok, I'm sorry you ever came here!

Kevin: I love you, and if I could have the child for us, I would.
Lucy: Really?
'Kevin: Well, I'd love to experience growing a human being, but I totally understand your fear of the birthing process. I think I'd rather take a bullet for you.

The Song of Lucy [9.03][edit]

Ruthie: Don't kid yourself, Dad. Lucy's eating for five kids and two dogs.

Sam & David: Yeah, we want to be baseball players and preachers.
Eric: You can be whatever you want to be.
Sam: Then we want to be baseball players.

Simon: [to Eric & Annie] Just so we're clear I'm not promising to never have sex until I'm married, but I do promise if I do and when I decide to have sex again, I'm gonna use better judgment and be more emotionally ready.
Annie: I'm not happy, but it's a step in the right direction.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do? [9.04][edit]

Vote [9.05][edit]

Fathers [9.06][edit]

Regret to Inform [9.07][edit]

Kevin : What's going on?
Martin : We were going to play some pool to blow off some steam after studying, but, uh, looks like all the tables look full
Kevin : You can wait with us if you want to
Martin : Sure

[phone rings]

Kevin : Hello?
Lucy : Hi. I-I know you're out with the guys, and you should spend time with your friends , but, on your way home, could you pick up a chocolate shake for me?
Kevin : Of course
Lucy : Oh, so when are you coming home?
Kevin : I shouldn't be long -- an hour or so. Or now
Lucy : Perfect. See you soon
Friend : She sure is keeping you on a short leash
Friend 2 : Doesn't your wife realize that this pregnancy thing is just as hard on you? You need your alone time, too
Kevin : The fact that you two aren't married truly amazes me


Venus : Hi guys
' Friend : Hi Venus. How have you been?
Venus : I've been good. So, you guys are new?
Mack : Yeah, we just got here
Venus : No, I mean new on the job
Martin : We don't work here
Venus : Look like you're going to have some fun breaking those new guys in
Kevin : New guys?
Venus : They're coming out of the academy looking younger and younger every year
Kevin : Oh, yeah. You know rookies
Venus : The dark haired one is kind of cute. Make sure you keep 'em in line
Kevin : Will do. Good luck
Mack : What did that mean?
Martin : Who knows?
Mack : Hey, don't you look now, but that woman is check you out

Why Not Me? [9.08][edit]

Thanksgiving [9.09][edit]

Gratitude [9.10][edit]

[Simon takes a seat at the Women's Clinic]
Leah: You don't look pregnant.

Leah: I'm Leah. Leah Morris.
Simon: Hi. Simon... LeBon.
Leah: Isn't that the name of the lead singer for Duran Duran?
Simon: Yeah... I-I panicked.

Wayne's World [9.11][edit]

Paper or Plastic? [9.12][edit]

Kevin : I have some business to take care of, but I shouldn't be long
Lucy : I'll be fine
Kevin : You'll be fine as long as you stay in bed
Lucy : The doctor said I could move around a little, even go for a short trip. You heard him; he said I'd be fine
Kevin : I just don't think it's a good idea. I can get anything you want
Lucy : Anything? Ok, uh, get me a car seat, a crib, a diaper service, a dozen oneness, a small tub, some washcloths, towels, blankets and everything the baby will need when it get's here

The Fine Art of Parenting [9.13][edit]

First Date [9.14][edit]

Red Socks [9.15][edit]

Brotherly Love [9.16][edit]

Tangled Web We Weave [9.17][edit]

Honor Thy Mother [9.18][edit]

Hungry [9.19][edit]

Leaps of Faith [9.20][edit]

Mi Familia (1) [9.21][edit]

Mi Familia (2) [9.22][edit]

Season 10[edit]

It's Late [10.01][edit]

Home Run [10.02][edit]

Mama's Gonna Buy You a Diamond Ring [10.03][edit]

Ring Around the Rosie [10.04][edit]

The Rat's Out of the Bag [10.05][edit]

Helpful [10.06][edit]

Soup's On [10.07][edit]

Sandy's Dad : I'm looking for the Reverend Lucille Kinkirk
Eric : Oh, it's Lucy, and she's out this morning, making some hospital calls. I'm her father
Sandy's Dad : Oh what a coincidence. I am, too. A-A Father

[Eric chuckles]

Eric : Well, sit down, why don't you? I'm just -- I'm guessing that you must be Sandy's father
Sandy's Dad : I must be

[Both chuckle]

Sandy's Dad : I was hoping to see Lucille
Eric : Lucy
Sandy's Dad : That's the one. Uh...I-I wanted to drop something off for my daughter. I found it
Eric : You found it?
Sandy's dad : Well, at the bank. Tell Lucille not to give it to her all at once. She'll know why. Problems in the past

[phone rings]

Eric : Excuse me for a second. Hello?
Simon : Hey, dad, how's it going?
Eric : Uh, well, I-I have somebody in the office
Simon : Oh, this won't take long but a second. I just need to borrow, like...100 bucks until my next paycheck
Eric : I'm not paying for the ring
Simon : No, no, no, no, no. I'm paying for the ring. Which is why I'm having a little trouble making the rest of my bills. But I'll be caught up as soon as I get my next paycheck
Eric : Hmm, no. I'm sorry. I can't help you out
Sandy's Dad : Uh, you can take some out of that, if you need it
Simon : Look dad, I could probably borrow the money from someone else, but I'm coming to you first
Eric : Well, I appreciate that, but I still -- I can't help you out
Simon : But, Dad, they're going to cut off my phone service
Eric : Well, you know, that's hardly an emergency you can always get your phone turned back on. Oh, absolutely. They-they do that all the time. Simon, I-I have somebody in the office, and I-I really have to go
Simon : Good luck

[line disconnecting]

Sandy's dad : Yeah. Just give that to Lucille. She'll know what to do

Ruthie : I got it
Eric : Dinner?
Ruthie : No. A project that helps other people. A

Chicken Noodle Heads [10.08][edit]

Turkey [10.09][edit]

Apple Pie [10.10][edit]

X-Mas [10.11][edit]

Got MLK [10.12][edit]

And Baby Makes Three [10.13][edit]

The Magic of Gershwin [10.14][edit]

Love and Obsession [10.15][edit]

Eric : Ruthie? Ruthie are you okay? Your mom says dinner's almost ready
Ruthie : All right, I'm coming

Ruthie : Can I please be excused?
Annie : No, you should eat just a little something
Ruthie : I don't really feel like eating
Sam : Are you sick?
Ruthie : Not really, I just don't feel like eating
David : You look sick
Ruthie : Thanks. Please?
Annie : Go ahead
Eric : Please make it stop
Annie : I'm trying
David : What's wrong with Ruthie?
Sam : Yeah, what's wrong?
Annie : She misses Martin. And Valentine's Day is coming up and -- hey, speaking of Valentine's Day...
Sam and David : It's our birthday!
Annie : It's your birthday. What kind of cake do you want me to make?
David : We want one from the store
Annie : You don't want me to make you a cake?
Sam : No, one from the store
Annie : But the chocolate cake with the chocolate frosting and the vanilla ice cream on top
Sam : No, from the store
David : The one with the ice cream already in it
Annie : Oh I can make you an ice cream cake. I know how to do that. Just, you know, white cake with a layer of ice cream and then the frosting on top
David : No. We want one, from the store, please
Sam : Can we be excused?
Annie : You could've said something
Eric : Uh, I've talked to her all week and gotten absolutely nowhere. Although I am working on a little something
Annie : No, not Ruthie, the boys. I mean, they want a, they want a cake from the store
Eric : And? [Annie sighs]

Moving Ahead [10.16][edit]

Highway to Cell [10.17][edit]

Invitation to Disaster [10.18][edit]

Secrets [10.19][edit]

And More Secrets [10.20][edit]

Goodbye (1) [10.21][edit]

...And Thank You (2) [10.22][edit]

Season 11[edit]

Turn, Turn, Turn [11.01][edit]

Annie: [about Lucy] She'll come around.
Kevin: I don't think she's going to come around anytime soon and I'm tired of her being angry all the time. I mean, I understand it, but I'm tired of it.

Lucy: I've been doing some thinking over the summer, because I didn't want to decide too quickly, but I think I've decided now. I don't ever want to try to have kids again, Kevin. Even if it's nobody's fault. It's you and me and Savannah and these guys (points to the dogs). That's a big enough family for me.
Kevin: I understand. And if you decide to change your mind, I understand that too.

Martin: What's ridiculous is the fact that you even want to be a minister. I think you just want to be a Camden. You think that if you're a minister, then maybe Simon Camden will start to like you better, maybe even love you, maybe even marry you. Then you can be a Camden. And when I say "you," I do mean the old you as well as the new you. I mean, isn't that what you really want--to be a Camden?
Sandy: Listen, I think you should go.

And Tonight's Specials Are... [11.02][edit]

T-Bone: I mean, don't you get a little tired of being around them?
Lucy: No. They're my family!
T-Bone: Exactly. You can't talk to your family about your family. I mean, that's how you ended up losing it in church. You need a friend to talk to.

Annie: It's going to be all right, Kevin. Everything will be all right. Just go home to Lucy, and hang out with her, be with her, talk to her, let her know how much you care about her.
Kevin: No offense, Mom, but I don't think things are going to get better. In fact, I think they're just gonna get worse.

Lucy: I can't believe I spent the whole day hanging out with a teenager who has a crush on me. And I really can't believe that he actually made me feel better.
Eric: You never know where help is gonna come from.

A Pain in the Neck [11.03][edit]

Stanley: What happened to you?
Eric: I'm just having a bad day.

Eric: (to Stanley, telling him why he shouldn't smoke and drink): 'Cause Stanley, I want you to live!

Don't Ax, Don't Tell [11.04][edit]

Eric: [to Sam & David] So, starting today, we are going to have school right here at home.
Sam: Is that legal?

Ms. Margo: Lots of women fall in love with married men.
Eric: Yeah, lots of women do and it's always a mistake.
Ms. Margo: It can't always be a mistake.
Eric: Yes, it can. You know, I don't say never or always very often, but I'm saying always here because it's true. It is always a mistake.
Ms. Margo: Still, it happens.
Eric: It doesn't happen here.

Eric: You can think of how you want to feel and act as if you actually feel that way, and you will feel that way. You can decide that your feelings are completely inappropriate and choose some other feelings.
Ms. Margo: What if I don't want to choose? What if I want to feel what I feel? What if I want to follow my heart?
Eric: What if you let your mind lead what you want your heart to follow? And what if you choose good things for yourself? What if you even love yourself?
Ms. Margo: Hey, what if you love me?
Eric: But I don't. I don't love you, Ms. Margo. I don't want to love you.
Ms. Margo: Could you choose to love me?
Eric: (long pause) I could...but I'm not going to. Why would I? I love my wife. I love my children. I love my grandchildren. I even love myself.

The Replacements [11.05][edit]

T-Bone: [to Eric after Eric invites him and the two homeless girls to spend the night at the Camdens] You can't die from having too big a heart, can you?

Broken Hearts and Promises [11.06][edit]

You Take the High Road (1) [11.07][edit]

Lucy: I think you've been over there a little too long because you're starting to sound like a brat! And look here, little sister, when Mom and Dad show up, you better act as if you're happy to see them.
Ruthie: Why?
Lucy: Because they're your parents! They're your mom and dad, and you should be grateful that you even have a mother and father!
Ruthie: Yeah, well, I'm not right now, okay? They just want to ruin my life!

Ruthie: You don't understand. This is my life we're talking about. It's not your life, it's mine. I love it here. I am perfectly happy being halfway across the world, away from the Church, and Dad and the school where you and Matt and Mary and Simon all went to. I'm not the preacher's kid anymore, I'm just Ruthie Camden. Do you know how great it is to just be Ruthie Camden without everyone knowing I'm the preacher's kid? I love it. I'm a normal girl here.I just want to be normal!
Lucy: Normal is completely overrated. And quit whining about being the preacher's kid. What's wrong with being the preacher's kid? There are a lot worse things to be. You know, maybe you'd like to be the daughter of a.....a bad person!

Lucy: [about Eric and Annie leaving to get Ruthie from Scotland] They just decided to take off, okay?
Ruthie: And you let them?
Lucy: I had nothing to do with it. They're our parents. They do what they want.
Ruthie: Yeah, well, what about me? When do I get to do what I want?
Lucy: Ruthie, they let you stay in Scotland for the semester. You were supposed to come home at the end of the summer. I think they've been pretty generous in letting you do what you want!

Ruthie: I don't want to be just sitting there and watching Dad be sick. I mean, he's going to be fine. He's had heart surgery before!
Lucy: That.....that's incredibly selfish, don't you think?

...And I'll Take the Low Road (2) [11.08][edit]

Ruthie: [about Eric] I just don't know if I'm strong enough to be around him right now, Mom.
Annie: Oh, Ruthie. It's all going to be fine. It's all going to be fine. It has to be. Come on, your dad's waiting outside. Give us a tour of Edinburgh. We want to see your school and your friends. And we want you to know that you can come back here. We'll help you, Ruthie. If this is where you really want to be, then....one day. Not now, but one day.

Annie: Honey, didn't I explain to you that your dad's having some heart problems?
Ruthie: Yeah, I know and I feel really badly that he's not feeling well. But Mom, Dad's always going to have heart problems and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me.
Annie: [shocked] I, uh.....I guess I must be feeling jetlag, because I'm suddenly feeling so.....irritable, or confused. Yeah, maybe that's it. Confusion. I'm going to go back to the hotel and get some rest. I'll see you tonight at dinner. Oh, and you think about this: Scotland is always going to be here. I'll see you later, Ruthie.
Ruthie: [after Annie leaves] They just don't get it.

Ruthie: Nobody cares about me or how this crisis is affecting my life!
Lucy: We're not going to continue to pay for this anymore. We shouldn't have even paid for it in the first place. We just wanted to encourage you to be your own person and take interest outside your own little world, and now....now it seems that you've completely forgotten where you came from and who your family is. You know, we love you, Ruthie.
Ruthie: I know, and I love you too. But Mary's not going to give up her family and come home, and Matt's not going to give up his practice and his family to come home and Simon's not going to drop out of his senior year of college and come home. So why do I have to?
Lucy: Because you can, and because he wants you to.

Eric: Ruthie, I just.....I really want you home right now.
Ruthie: But don't you think that's kind of.....selfish?
Eric: I beg your pardon?
Ruthie: Dad, you've been living with heart problems for years now, and you're probably going to spend the rest of your life living with heart problems. That doesn't mean I have to come home and watch you have heart problems, does it?
Eric: Uh, no, I guess not, but on the other hand, I really want you to come home. I need you to come home, and the entire family needs you to come home, and I'm afraid that as a parent, I'm going to make a decision for you that you're not going to be happy with. You're coming home, Ruthie. You're coming home with me and your mom. Life isn't always about you. Sometimes it's about other people or sometimes even about your parents and your family. I need my family around me right now. And I don't care if you think that's selfish. Fine, I'm selfish. I get to be selfish. I'm the one who's in need right now, and I need you home. I could leave this decision up to you, but you're 16, and....I'm afraid you might really regret it later, so I'll decide for you.
Ruthie: You really think you can decide for me?
Eric: If you can't make the right decision yourself, then yeah. Yes, I can.

Thanks and Giving [11.09][edit]

You Don't Know What You've Got 'Til He's Gone [11.10][edit]

Christmas! [11.11][edit]

Can't I Just Get Something to Eat? [11.12][edit]

Script Number Two Hundred Thirty Four [11.13][edit]

Deacon Blues [11.14][edit]

Tit for Tat [11.15][edit]

Gimme That Ol' Time Religion [11.16][edit]

Small Miracles [11.17][edit]

Inked [11.18][edit]

Some Break-Up and Some Get-Togethers [11.19][edit]

Nothing Says Lovin' Like Something from the Oven [11.20][edit]

Good News For Almost Everyone [11.21][edit]

David: [to Margaret on the phone] We're over at Lucy's house and we're hungry. Me and Sam.
Sam: Sam and me!
David: [putting the phone off his mouth] You're Sam!
Sam: I know, I was correcting your English!

Kevin: [spots Ruthie and T-Bone making out in a corner] Excuse me!
Ruthie: Oh, hi, um
T-Bone: We made up!
Kevin: I can see that. Come on we got to go to the hospital. Your dad's there.
Ruthie: But when I left this morning he was fine.
Kevin: I know, it's good news. I thought you'd like to be there when we all got the good news.
Ruthie: But we can't just leave school.
Kevin: Sure you can! There will be plenty of places to make out at the hospital!

Martin: Ruthie, I lived at your house. You were like a little sister to me, and then you.....and then you grew up. And then I grew up, when Sandy and I had a baby--at least I tried to grow up, and I tried to do the right thing and marry Sandy. That's what I felt I should do. I love my son, and I'd do anything for him, and I really do care about her. But my heart was just never really in it, and that's maybe why I screwed up. I guess I've never really wanted things to work out, and whatever chance I had with her, with the relationship--a romantic relationship--well, I screwed that up.
Ruthie: Isn't this the conversation you should be having with Sandy?
Martin': That's kind of funny, because I've had this conversation with Sandy. This was our conversation last weekend, when she told me she was marrying Jonathan, the doctor she's been going out with. But we didn't talk like you and I talk. It was more of a--it was more of a lecture from her than a conversation.
Ruthie: You're all over the place. What are you trying to say to me? And whatever it is, you should start with an apology for not telling me that you were also dating Jane.
Martin: I'm sorry, I am. I like Jane, she's really attractive......but not as attractive as you. I'm really physically attracted to you, and it feels incredibly awkward saying that, and also, I can't talk to Jane the way I can talk to you. And I think that if we can just start over, if we can agree to date each other and not date anyone else, and if you can let me be more than a friend.....I think we could be really good together.
Ruthie: What?
Martin: I keep trying to treat you like a friend or a sister, but you're older now, I'm older, and that's not the way I see you. And we did kiss.
Ruthie: [pause] Yeah, we did.

And Away We Go [11.22][edit]

Margaret: Are you ever coming back?
Eric: I don't know that, either.
Margaret: But what about everything here? Your home, your things?
Eric': Oh. You know, I've lost my enthusiasm for "things", so......I don't really care.

Ruthie: Martin, you're not in love with me. I really am like a sister to you, and when you do find the right woman to be with, I'll be happy to baby-sit for you, okay?
Martin: But all this time, you've been, like, wanting to go out with me, and now that I want to go out with you--
Ruthie: It's too late. I found someone else.
Martin: For now. But you're 17. Maybe you'll change your mind.
Ruthie: I can't. I have his name tattooed on my back.
Martin: Why'd you do that?
Ruthie: I don't know. It was an impulse, a bad impulse. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.
Martin: So you're staying with him because of a stupid mistake?
Ruthie: He's staying with me. We're staying together, and if we're lucky, we'll be together for the rest of our lives.
Martin: But his mother is...you know...
Ruthie: I know. And despite how she treated him and who she is, the fact that he treats me and other women so respectfully...it just amazes me. He amazes me. I'm in love with T-Bone.
Martin: So you don't think you'll be taking off for Scotland next year, when you graduate?
Ruthie: But if I go, I'm dragging T-Bone with me. He loves Scotland, and there's a whole world out there--a world I want to see. And I want to see it with him. Maybe we'll go somewhere we've never been for college, or maybe we'll take a year off after high school and just travel together. I don't know what will happen, but I do know how I feel.
Martin: Well, someday, I hope to find a woman who feels the same way about me. (they hug)
Ruthie: Bye, Martin.
Martin: Bye, Ruthie. [she leaves]

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