8-Bit Theater

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8-Bit Theater (also spelled 8-Bit Theatre) is a sprite comic created by Brian Clevinger based on the game Final Fantasy. It launched in March 2001. The plot of the comic roughly parallels the course of the game, following the four Light Warriors in their quest to vanquish the King of Demons, Chaos. However, the comic is not a serious epic; much of 8-Bit Theater's humor is derived from the blunderings and misadventures of the protagonists and their foes.

See Also: Brian Clevinger

Episodes 1-99[edit]

  • White Mage: Excuse me. Do you carry any restraining order spells?
05/05/2001, Episode 025 Real: He's One Smooth Operator
  • Fighter: I trust Black Mage 'cause he told me to.
06/06/2001, Episode 039: Survivor 8-bit Style Part 4
  • Fighter: I love you phallic-sword worshiping warrior woman. Take me.
06/30/2001, Episode 049: What Else Would He Think About?
  • Red Mage: For +3 endurance, I'd wear my own underwear over my armor.
08/09/2001, Episode 066: Is It Possible to be a Fourth Wheel?
  • Black Mage: The problem with guards is that they are too inquisitive for their own good. That and the clean up afterward is always such a bitch.
08/28/2001, Episode 072: Why Does it Always End in Murder?

Episodes 100-199[edit]

  • White Mage: You are simply a horrible little monster and I pray for your quick and merciful death.
12/12/2001, Episode 100: White Mage Makes It All Better
  • Black Mage: Well, at least I shall die as I have lived. Completely surrounded by morons.
01/24/2002, Episode 111: The Unfurling of a Master Plan
  • Black Mage: ...So you see, by allowing me to kill you three, I'll be able to at least die with some dignity... and a smile.
02/11/2002, Episode 116: The ol' Switcheroo!
  • Red Mage: If we disguise ourselves as dragon-food, we could take the dragon by surprise.
07/13/2002, Episode 172: The Inhabitant of the Cave

Episodes 200-299[edit]

  • Bikke: Aye! They be like a thorny thorn in ye sidey side.
10/31/2002, Episode 209: The Pillage Boat
  • Fighter: Jump overboard! It's the only way to save yourself from the sea-monsters!
12/19/2002, Episode 227: Biology 101, RM Style
  • Fighter: Isn't it ironic to yell the word silence?
04/08/2003, Episode 270: Fighter Morissette
  • Drizz'l: I could feel my brain contracting from your sheer stupidity.
04/12/2003, Episode 272: Mind Games
  • Thief: I'll have you know "Drizz'L" roughly translates to "The Relentless Scourge".
Black Mage: Yeah, like the relentless scourge of having a really stupid name.
04/17/2003, Episode 274: The Villain Revealed!

Episodes 300-399[edit]

  • Vilbert: Mom! How many times must I ask you to refer to me by my dark name of the damned?
01/06/2004, Episode 369: "Oh, Sweet Mystery of LARP, at Last I've Found You"
  • Black Mage: Can we kill him now? He's a Goth, it's what he wants.
01/08/2004, Episode 370: Really, It'd be Doing Him a Favor
  • Black Mage: You don't really practice bleeding to death from six dozen stab wounds. It's just gonna happen.
01/13/2004, Episode 372: Sanguine Machinations
  • Young Black Mage: What part of being stabbed do you not understand?
02/19/2004, Episode 386: "I live for the noise!"
  • Lich, Fiend of Earth: If I still had to consume food, I would feast upon your entrails, tonight.
02/28/2004, Episode 390: A Deal with the Devil

Episodes 400-499[edit]

  • Black Mage: I should have mentioned this at the beginning. I solve my problems through violence.
06/12/2004, Episode 428: Problem Solver
  • Red Mage: That's not how it works. There is no grand story to history. Things just happen. It's the act of looking back on it that interposes a sense of narrative.
Black Mage: And yet here we are, just as we were always going to be. Doesn't that drive you mad? Don't you hate yourself for it? For never having seen it coming until now? Every little thing is so painfully obvious now, isn't it? Now that it's too late, you have all the answers, don't you?
06/26/2004, Episode 434: Wouldn't You Like to Know
  • Berserker: Just because I fly into a blind, homicidal rage at the drop of a helm doesn't mean I'm incapable of appreciating the finer things in life.
07/10/2004, Episode 440: Berserkers want what we all want. Civilization.
  • Red Mage: Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!
08/26/2004, Episode 455: Self-Fulfilling Stupidity
  • Red Mage: Our weapons are useless, reliance upon them is death!
08/26/2004, Episode 455: Self-Fulfilling Stupidity

Episodes 500-599[edit]

  • Vilbert: My dark soul burns with fiery agreement. Or possibly tacos.
01/27/2005, Episode 508: Insurrection
  • Red Mage: I don't need a quest to teach me the importance of faking friendship.
04/05/2005, Episode 536: Savvy Customers
  • Sarda: Yea, is it not written, "With great power comes great authority, but absolute power rocks absolutely"?
05/28/2005, Episode 556: The Gang's All Here
  • Cleric: Well look at that, another beautiful miracle. If it weren't for my atheism, I'd be impressed by it.
08/11/2005, Episode 585: A Lofty Goal

Episodes 600-699[edit]

  • Black Mage: You don't tend to see many ancient castles with such well manicured lawns.
09/24/2005, Episode 603: You Can't Knock Them all out of the Park
  • Black Mage: If there was a way to get magic for free, do you really think I'd have spent so much time sacrificing children to my Dark Gods? For spells, I mean. Obviously there'd still be sacrifices. A hobby's a hobby.
01/12/2006, Episode 647: Blue Herring
  • Red Mage: Evolution is my bitch.
03/23/2006, Episode 676: Supernatural Selection

Episodes 700-799[edit]

  • Ur (Kraken), Fiend of Water: Oh, man, what a smell in that thing. Horrible. Anyway! You guys ordered an Apocalypse, if I'm right.
11/04/2006, Episode 765: The Hatching Of A Plot

Episodes 800-899[edit]

  • Fighter: I like it. Needs a sword fight in the middle, but we can burn that river when we cross a bridge over the bush with two birds in glass houses.
04/03/2007, Episode 828: Backfired
  • Red Mage: In the arena of logic, I fight unarmed.
04/19/2007, Episode 835: Refining Moment
  • Black Mage: My hatred for you burns like the skin of that guy.
05/17/2007, episode 847: Throw Away Gag

Episodes 900-999[edit]

  • Muffin (Tiamat), Fiend of Air: Moron. I never owned an invisible sky castle. Just that regularly visible one over there.
12/15/2007, Episode 932: Unfold Behind The Clouds
  • Thief: Well, Red Mage had a stupid idea, and I'm making it better with my cunning.
01/26/2008, Episode 947: Mo' Like COMBUSTIBLE MAGE

Episodes 1000-1099[edit]

  • Red Mage: Just once I'd like to go somewhere without killing everyone in the world.
07/03/2008, Episode 1012: 1000 Away from the Mayan Apocalypse
  • Black Mage: Lies are just creative truths.
07/17/2008, Episode 1018: Power Struggle
  • Red Mage: And thanks to my frankly brilliant allocation of points to animal husbandry, I possess a robust and intimate knowledge of monster genitals.
09/02/2008, Episode 1032: Damn Yankees
  • Fighter: One might think waging a four-way double-elimination duel to the death with yourself could drive you insane. But really? It makes you super sane.
12/02/2008, Episode 1066: Justifying Regicide

Episodes 1100-1199[edit]

  • Black Mage: We should all aspire to be Lex Luthor.
03/17/2009, Episode 1106: From a Certain Point of View
  • Fighter: Can I take off my fire helm yet? It's a little on fire.
03/26/2009, Episode 1109: Continuum vs. Quantum
  • Black Mage: Suddenly, living in your a-hole forever doesn't seem so bad.
06/27/2009, Episode 1145: Dark Hearts and Coronets

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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Nuklear Power: Home of 8-Bit Theater