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A Matter of Loaf and Death

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Wallace & Gromit: A Matter of Loaf and Death is a 2008 British stop-motion animated short film created by Nick Park, and the fourth of his shorts to star his characters Wallace and Gromit. It is the first Wallace and Gromit short since A Close Shave in 1995.

Wallace & Gromit: A Matter of Loaf and Death is a murder mystery, with Wallace and Gromit starting a new bakery business. With an unknown assailant murdering bakers, Gromit tries to solve the case before Wallace ends up a victim himself. It was the last Wallace and Gromit film before the retirement of Wallace's voice actor Peter Sallis in 2010.

Directed by Nick Park. Written by Nick Park and Bob Baker.

Dialogue

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Wallace: Mmmm, lovely cheese. [Gromit hits the windmill, with the water balloon falling on Wallace] I could just wash it down with nice... [the water balloon falls on Wallace, startling him as he wakes up] I was just coming, lad. [Gromit takes the bread out, pulling the lever] On my way, Gromit! [slides down, putting pants on] With you in a jiffy! [slides down] Tally-ho! [Gromit continues riding down, then Wallace continues sliding down] Oh, no! [Gromit moves the slide down] Thanks, lad! [the hand touches Wallace, then Gromit puts bread in, closing the door, saying, "Dough to Door DELIVERY", rising a hat] Fill 'er up, lad! [Gromit presses the tea button, driving out of the garage, drinking tea] Ah. Lovely cuppa, Gromit! But, a slightly diesel-y aftertaste, perhaps? How's that breakfast coming on? [Gromit puts toast on the plate] Well done, lad! [looks at a toast] Very well done. [eats toast] Thanks, chuck! [pats Gromit on the head, then looks at the newspaper as Gromit blows his hat back up again] Oh... Oh, dear! Another baker, battered with his own rolling pin. Would you credit it? Still, looking on the bright side, I suppose it means more business for us, eh, Gromit?
Wallace: Oh! Hello.
Piella Bakewell: We were just passing by, going for a walk, and Fluffles insisted on dropping in, hoping you would join us. Please say yes, she'll be so disappointed, wouldn't you, Fluffy? Wouldn't you, Fluffy?
Wallace: Oh! Well, if you insist, but I'm in me work things.
Piella Bakewell: I like a man in a uniform. Come on! Walkies!
Wallace: [offscreen] Manage without me, won't you, lad? [then closes the door]
[Gromit rushes to the kitchen and gets in Wallace's way, stopping him from attempting to try the soup]
Wallace: What the...? Hey! What are you playing at, lad? [as he picks up Gromit] This is getting ridiculous!
Piella Bakewell: [takes Gromit] Oh, Wallace, he just wants a bit of attention, that's all. [to Gromit] Now, my little poochy woochy, let Auntie Piella sort you out. [looks at Wallace once more...then bites herself on the arm, as Gromit watches in shock] [pretending] OW! Ow! He bit me! [Wallace suddenly notices this, and Gromit turns to her in shock] I was just trying to help, and he bit me, Wallace!
Wallace: Gromit, how dare you bite my betrothed! That's very impolite!
Piella Bakewell: Oh, don't be too hard on him, Wallace, please. Just a little punishment, that's all. [holds up some chains]
[The scene cuts to Wallace shutting the drawer, locking it, and Gromit is shown muzzled and chained as he is shown cleaning the dishes]
Wallace: I'm surprised at you, Gromit. I really am!
Piella Bakewell: [offscreen] Oh, Wallace, my sugar dumpling, have you got a moment?
Wallace: Oh, on my way, my cupcake! [to Gromit] You'll not leave this kitchen till you've done every last one. [to himself, as Gromit continues washing] I don't know, taking a bite out of my lovely fiance--it really is the limit!
Wallace: [after a flour bag hits Piella and knocks her down the stairs] Oh! Are you all right, my flower? [laughs] Flour! [flower] Get it? "Flower"?
Piella Bakewell: [furiously] GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!! I HATE flour...I HATE bread...and I HATE BAKERS, YOU UTTER AND COMPLETE FRUITCAKE!!!!! [takes the ring off her finger and flings it at Wallace. It flies into his hand, but he does not catch it]
Wallace: OH! [chuckles nervously] That's a bit steep, isn't it, my sweet?
Piella Bakewell: Fluffles? [as she picks up Fluffles] I want a word with you: Back home. [walks off, then closes the door offscreen, then it cuts to the exterior of the house]
Wallace: [after the scene cuts back to him, looking at the ring with Gromit putting a cup on the table, dripping the petals] Oh, thanks, old pal. I just don't get it. [Gromit stirs the cup] One minute they love bakers, and the next minute they hate them. And I'm not a fruitcake, am I, lad? [Gromit stops stirring the tea, patting Wallace] I suppose you can't be everybody's cup of tea, can you?
[They both clink their teas, then they hear a doorbell, looking at Piella, holding a large present]
Piella Bakewell: I'm so sorry, Wallace. So, so, sorry. I don't know what came over me...apart from the flour, of course! [laughs]
Wallace: Oh. Ha-ha! Yes.
Piella Bakewell: Let's forget about it. Here's a cake to celebrate.
Piella Bakewell: Got you, you meddling mutt! So nice of you to come. Pity you'll miss your master's tea party. It'll go off with a bang!
Wallace: Ooh, I say! Get the kettle on, Gromit.
Piella Bakewell: [throws Gromit into a storeroom closet with Fluffles] I'll deal with you two later. [closes the door, laughing evilly]
Wallace: Come on, lad! What's keeping you?
[The clock almost strikes 4:00]
Piella Bakewell: At last, my 13th. My baker's dozen! [suddenly, the Bake-O-Lite balloon appears outside the window] Huh? [the scene reveals that Gromit and Fluffles are flying the balloon, waving to her; in shock] What?! [turns around and sees she somehow locked them in the Bake-O-Lite storeroom; in regret] Curse that balloon! And curse that prevailing south-westerly, they'll be in no time!
[The clock chimes as it strucks 4:00]
Wallace: Gromit, it's a bomb! The cake's a bomb! Wait a minute. You don't think Piella could be...?
Piella Bakewell: [puts her feet on the bomb as she holds a rolling pin in one hand and Fluffles in the other] The Cereal [serial] Killer? Well done, Wallace! Sharp as a brick. Now do exactly as I say, or Fluffles gets snuffled. [Fluffles bites her hand] OW!!! [Gromit snatches the bomb from underneath Piella's foot and Piella throws Fluffles to the floor, releasing her as she looks at her bitten hand, irritated] You've crossed me once too often, you treacherous little...! [then slaps Fluffles, who yelps]
Piella Bakewell: [notices the bomb has fallen out of the window and grunts in annoyance] That has put a spanner in the works. [then she picks up a wrench]
Wallace: [backing away] But, Piella, you're the Bake-O-Lite Girl!
Piella Bakewell: WAS... [swings the wrench as Wallace dodges] ...the Bake-O-Lite Girl! I ate too much, you see.
Wallace: Oh, really?
Piella Bakewell: [pulls the lid off the ventilation shaft] I couldn't ride the balloon anymore...
Wallace: Oh dear!
Piella Bakewell: ...so they DROPPED me!
Wallace: What a blow! [then he hits his head on a pipe] Ooh!
Piella Bakewell: [pulls off another lid, then as lifts up the wrench] ME! A curse on bakers and their loathsome confections!!!
Wallace: GROMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Piella attempts to strike her final attack, but abruptly stops, freezing in fazement. Wallace then opens his eyes slowly, realizing he's still alive. Piella slowly turns around, then gasps as lets go of the wrench, dropping it, and a machine's arm flies towards her and smacks her aside, causing her to bounce across into a stack of lard cans]
Wallace: [as he stops the fight between Piella and Fluffles] Hey! Anyone seen the bomb? What? [then turns around, revealing the bomb is in the back of his pants] What?
[Gromit suddenly notices this in shock, as well as Fluffles, who also gasps in shock]
Piella Bakewell: Bomb [bon] Voyage, Wallace! [jumps from the edge and lands into the balloon] Your buns are as good as toasted! [turns up the hot air from the balloon, causing the fire to ignite]
Wallace: [notices the bomb in the back of his pants, then starts panicking] GROMIT! I've got a bomb in me pants!!! Help me, Gromit! Do something!!
Wallace: Oh, what a relief! Oh, evening, sisters!
[The two nuns notice this, and they gasp in shock, dropping their kittens]
Piella Bakewell: [vowing in regret] I will be back to get you, Wallace! I WILL HAVE MY BAKER'S DOZEN!!
Wallace: But Piella, the balloon won't hold you!
Piella Bakewell: [last words, redeemed] They can't just drop me; I'm as light as a feather. [as the hot air balloon floats down into the crocodile pit at the zoo] I'M THE BAKE-O-LITE GIRL...!
Wallace: NOOO!!!! [the balloon splashes into the crocodile pit and the crocodiles eat Piella, sacrificing herself, along with the balloon. He covers his eyes, looking away, along with Fluffles, who does so as she clings to Gromit. After that, Wallace slowly looks again, as a belch is heard, with the remains of the balloon flying into the air] Farewell, my angel cake. You'll always be my Bake-O-Lite Girl. [Piella's spirit then appears, waving at him and disappears into the clouds. Short pause, then Wallace is suddenly relieved] Ha! I think I need a cup of tea after all that. [as he walks back to the living room] Care to join me, you two?

Cast

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