A Touch of Cloth
A Touch of Cloth is a British television comedy police procedural series created and written by Charlie Brooker and Daniel Maier.
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Series 2
[edit]- [During a bank robbery]
- Robber: I reckon you'll tell your grandkids about this, eh?
- Bystander: I'm gay.
- Robber: Right... well, you could turn it into a musical.
- [Jack briefs the CID]
- DI Jack Cloth: I want to find out
- Who he knows
- Where he goes
- What he does
- In which size gloves
- What he eats
- How he sleeps
- Under blankets
- Under sheets
- Is he single? Is he taken?
- How crispy does he like his bacon?
- Upper, middle, lower class?
- Which hand's employed to wipe his arse?
- What's his blood group? What's his sign?
- What's his take on Palestine?
- Who's his mother? Who's his dad?
- Has he read Beevor's Stalingrad?
- What's his height? What's his weight?
- How often does he masturbate?
- Is he churlish, shy or chatty?
- Who is the real Mike MacRatty?
- Solve these riddles if you can
- And together we can stop this man
- [As Jack prepares to go undercover]
- DI Anne Oldman: Jack, wait! Don't forget which side you're on.
- DI Jack Cloth: I'm not on a side. I'm on the edge, and edges don't have sides.
- [Deleted scene]
- Macratty: I like you Jack. You're a cunt. Not like these other cunts.
