A Zed & Two Noughts

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A Zed and Two Noughts is a 1985 film.

Written and directed by Peter Greenaway

Alba Bewick[edit]

  • In the land of the legless the one-legged woman is queen.
  • Imagine that, the body - in all its delicious detail - fading away leaving a skeleton with iron legs.


Alba Bewick: I am about to become a mother, and you are about to become a father... or fathers.
Oswald Deuce: You what?
Oliver Deuce: You are?
Alba Bewick: I am.
Oswald Deuce: Good lord.
Oliver Deuce: You can?
Alba Bewick: Of course! Is leglessness a form of contraception?
Oswald Deuce: I'm not sure.
Alba Bewick: You're not sure!
Oswald Deuce: I'm delighted!
Alba Bewick: You are delighted!
Alba Bewick: A pregnant cripple and you are delighted? Think of what it will do to my sense of balance!
Oswald Deuce': It might help! Give you more stability.
Alba Bewick: Then you recommend it? Recommendation's one thing. A womb on crutches is another.
Oliver Deuce: So... who's the father?
Alba Bewick: Well, well, well. Why don't you discuss it between yourselves?
Oliver Deuce: Why, don't you know?
Alba Bewick: Grand dieu! Does an animal behaviorist need to ask such questions? As far as I'm concerned, you both are.
Oswald Deuce: But you...
Alba Bewick: NO BUTS!
Alba Bewick: You're brothers, aren't you? What's a few spermatozoa among


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