A very potter senior year

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A Very Potter Senior Year is the final musical of Team Starkid's musical trilogy based on Harry Potter. It is a sequel to A Very Potter Musical and A Very Potter Sequel.


Barty Crouch Jr: So, Potter, how long have you known it was me?
Harry: I’ve had my suspicions for a while. It was briefly mentioned Mad Eye Moody died during my second year, but I wasn’t sure it was you until tonight.

Ginny: Mom, have you seen my boyfriend, Harry Potter?
Molly: No. I haven’t, dear. I’ve got all these extra kids in the house. Bill’s wife. Ron’s girlfriend. Harry’s girlfriend… I’m swamped.

Narrator: Ginny walks up a crooked staircase to the bedroom, where she finds Ron sitting on the edge of the bed, lightly strumming a guitar, and singing with his meagre voice.
Ron: Hey!
Narrator: Sorry, Ron.

Ginny: Yeah, Ron. Girls don’t want cheesy compliments, or songs, or surprise presents.
Narrator: Just then, Harry literally surfs into the room on a heart shaped guitar being held up by enchanted rose petals. Harry then surfs onto the bed, flips the guitar into the air. He sings:
Harry: Ginny, Ginny, Ginny, Ginny, you’re cool, you’re my girlfriend, I love you so much, you’re hotter than all the other girlfriends that ever were in the world.
[Ginny hyperventilates.]
Harry: Oh, I love you Ginny Weasley. You’re the most magical creature I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Surprise! A present from your boyfriend.

Harry: Hey Ron. Hey Weasleys.
Weasleys: Hey good buddy.
Harry: Guys, thanks for letting me stay at the Burrow all summer.
Ron: Hey, no problem, pal. I’m just sorry you had to share a bed with Ginny. It must be weird sleeping with your girlfriend.
Harry: No. No, it was weird that your mom was there, too. And you. And your whole family, like all in one bed. You guys are so poor.

Harry: Twilight? Oh, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard of that. I don’t like how those books objectify men.
Hermione: Oh yeah? Have you ever read em? Have you ever even read a book?
Harry: Have you ever not read a book?!
Hermione: No! I can’t stand people who don’t read. Ron, did you finish The Hunger Games? I gave you the first book weeks ago.
Ron: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Yes. Yes. It was… it was good. It was a good… it was a good game.
Hermione: Oh yeah? What was it about?
Ron: Uhhhhhhhhh… it was about, um… a, um… uhhhh… hungry, hungry, hungry! Uh, hungry, withholding girl who won’t kiss her boyfriend!
Hermione: You did read it! [She hugs Ron.]

Draco: Surely you chaps remember all the good times we had at school together. Like when we battled professor Quirrell, and I destroyed that last horcrux. Or when I travelled back in time and saved you from my evil father.
Harry: No, I don’t really remember that. I was 11!
Draco: Well then, surely you chaps remember our third year. The most memorable and important one, when we all went to Pigfarts. I did many important things that year. And we had so many clean jokes, good songs, and nobody swore.
Harry: Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I remember that year. Fuck that year!

Harry: Ginny, I’m sorry. We gotta break up.
Ginny: Huh? But… but we love each other, don’t we?
Harry: Ginny, it’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that other people don’t like me. It’s nothing personal.

Ginny: So this is it? Just like this? Just goodbye?
Harry: Ginny, this isn’t ‘goodbye’. It’s just ‘you’re cramping my style’.
Ginny: Well you know what, Harry Potter? You suck!
Harry: Ginny, that’s not fair! You know I’m self-conscious about that!
Ron: What’s up her butt?
Harry: I’m sorry man, I just broke up with your sister.
Ron: YYYEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Oh! This is the best news I’ve ever heard! Oh my God, I gotta tell you, I hated pretending to be nice to your girlfriend, cos I cannot stand my stupid little sister. Oh yes! Oh yeah, this feels so good!
Harry: I just hope she’s okay.
Ron: Who cares?! You’re a free man. You can do anything you want. You can finally go on that date with Cho Chang, y’all.

Ginny: I hate Harry Potter!
Tom: Tell me about it.
Ginny: Huh? Huuuh? Who said that?
Tom: Somebody who understands you, Ginny. Somebody who knows what it’s like to be filled with hate.
Ginny: Diary?
Tom: I’m a journal. Not a diary. Diaries are for girls. But yes, Ginny. I’m a magic diary. Shit. Journal. I’m a magic journal enchanted with the spirit of its former owner.
Ginny: Harry?
Tom: No.
Ginny: But Harry gave it to me.
Tom: Read the name on the cover, stupid.
Ginny: Oh. Okay. Tom. Mar… Marv… Mervle… Mer… Mar… Mer…
Tom: Okay, just skip that name. It’s a made up name for this rearranging trick… you’ll find out later. Just go to the next name.
Ginny: Oh. Ridle.
Tom: Yeah… Tom Riddle. I’m a piece of his soul, separated from the whole and bound to this diary. Shit! Journal! Bound to this fucking journal!

Hermione: You know who I am?
Lockhart: Oh yes. Professor Flitwick says you’re an aspiring young writer. He says your translation of Beedle the Bard’s boring stories had him on the edge of his seat. And that’s saying something, because if that small man were to fall from a chair, he could die.

Hermione: Here’s one fanfic I’m working on right now. In it, you’re a Capital person, and you are dating Effie Trinket, but then you fall in love with this sort of mousy, under spoken Avox, and then the Avox regains her ability to speak, and she has a beautiful voice, and she’s kind of like the coolest girl in the wide world, so, if you wanted to read it you could, but if you don’t want to, that’s okay, too.
Lockhart: A mousy girl, hey? Let’s have a look-see. Hmm. Mmm hmm. Oh. Oh. Oh my… Ew! Oh, my God, Hermione, this is absolutely depraved! I love it.
Hermione: Really?
Lockhart: Hell yes! This makes 50 Shades of Grey look like a fucking book for kids!

Hermione: I can bring you some more of my fanfics. I have this one where I’m Cato, and you’re one of the wolf muttations, and you… graphically eat me. Among other things.

Draco: If I’m going to win this head boy election, I’ve got to have a strong campaign platform. Something like ‘End house elf slavery. Begin muggle and mudblood slavery.’ Something inspiring like that.

Basilisk: Sssssss… Ssssssnake. I’m a ssssnake. Oh, where’d my arms go? Just kidding, I’m a sssnake!

Draco: “The Chamber of Secrets has been opened, enemies of the heir beware.” Oh, that’s quite good. Now, just add “you’re next mudbloods, vote for Malfoy”.

Dumbledore: This little club of yours that follows you around. What’s it called?
Tom: The He-Man Woman Haters. But we’re thinking about changing the name.

Harry: Well, freaking, well. If it isn’t Hermione Stranger. Or should I say, Hermione the traitor. You didn’t do my potions essay! Because of that, I had to do it. So it never got done! And I failed. Your plan to ruin my life is working out pretty nicely.

Basilisk: Ssssssnake. I’m a ssssnake. I’m huge. A huge snake. I’m a ton bigger than you’d expect. You could make, like, 1000 shoes out of me, or a million little purses. Or two really big boots or something. Sssssnake…
Harry: Wait, wait, Hermione. Hermione, quiet down for a second. Do you guys hear that?
Hermione: Hear what?
Harry: It’s that voice again.
Basilisk: Oh, shit! I think that kid hears me!

Ron: I’m frightened, Harry.
Harry: Quiet, Hermione! This is it. This is the chamber of secrets monster. I can feel it. Usually it takes me all year to solve a mystery. But not this year! No way man, I’m on fire. ‘The boy who was on fire’, that’s what they’ll call me!

Aragog: The name’s Aragog. Welcome to my crib.
Harry: Yes! I do have the magical ability to talk to spiders! I’m back!
Aragog: No. I’m just a spider with the magical ability to talk to humans.
Harry: Dammit!

Ron: Who was it that unmasked Karkaroff as a death eater and sent him to Azkaban?
All: Harry.
Ron: And and and and and… Cho, what did you do that year?
Cho: I fooled around with Victor Krum.
Lavender: Me too.
Seamus: Yeah, me too.

Hermione: Tom Marvolo Riddle? Wait a second. If I take this letter and put it there… It reads “Am I Lord Voldemort?”
Voldemort: No! I am! Lord Voldemort.
Hermione: No! You’re dead!
Voldemort: Nope.

Draco: I hate you because you have everything I want, and you don’t deserve any of it.
Ron: I agree. And I hate you because somebody told me to.

Harry: Mom. You’re still with dad in heaven? That’s so beautiful.
Lily: Actually Harry, your father and I separated. He’s kind of immature. But I found someone new in heaven.
Cedric: I’d say we found each other.
Harry: What the fuck??!!?

Darren Criss: [In the middle of the Get Back to Hogwarts reprise, struggling to get his Gryffindor tie back on. He gives up.] Fuck the tie!

Harry: At least he can’t see us. Everyone be quiet.
Basilisk: Hey. Where’d they go? Marco.
Draco: Polo.
Basilisk: Gotcha suckers!

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