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- Tony: Do you get any fibre in your diet?
- Lenny: Yeah, loads.
- Tony: What fruit and veg?
- Sandy: Meant to have five a day.
- Tony: How many portions of fruit and veg do you have a day?
- Lenny: Ten.
- Tony: Potatoes don't count.
- Lenny: None, then.
- Brian: What do you get if you cross a disabled octopus with my ex-wife?
- Brian: A five-legged slut.
- Anne: Happiness is amazing. It's so amazing, it doesn't matter if it's yours or not. There's that lovely thing: "A society grows great when old men plant trees, the shade of which they know they will never sit in." Good people do things for other people. That's it. The end.
- Anne: I had the most wonderful life with Stan. And I have all those memories. That's what we are anyway, really, memories. And Stan had a wonderful life, too... and he's not in any pain. Doesn't even know it's over. I do. But I'd rather live missing him than for him to live missing me. That's how much I love him. I wouldn't change anything. If I went back and changed one thing I didn't take, I might lose something that that bad thing eventually took me to. You shouldn't regret anything or think: "Well, if I went back, I might do this or I might do that."
- Ricky Gervais as Tony Johnson
- Tom Basden as Matt
- Tony Way as Lenny
- Diane Morgan as Kath
- Mandeep Dhillon as Sandy
- Ashley Jensen as Emma
- Kerry Godliman as Lisa Johnson
- Tim Plester as Julian Kane
- Penelope Wilton as Anne
- Roisin Conaty as Daphne, aka "Roxy"
- Anti as Brandy, Tony's and Lisa's dog