Angel (season 5)

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Angel (1999–2004) was an American TV show, created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt and airing on The WB, about the ongoing trials of Angel, a vampire whose human soul was restored to him by gypsies as a punishment for the murder of one of their own. After more than a century of murder and the torture of innocents, Angel's restored soul torments him with guilt and remorse. It was a spinoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Conviction

Wesley: I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?"

Fred: What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its LA branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes?

Wesley: Your run-on sentences have gotten a lot less pointless

Fred: Oh, that's so sweet. And a tad condescending.

Angel: (into speaker phone) Uh... can I get a cup of coffee or something?

Phone menu voice: You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats press one, or say "goats."

(moments later, Angel presses another button)

Phone menu voice: To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key.

Angel: Guess what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.

Spanky: Vampire.

Angel: Capital "V." And there's something else you should know about me. [picks up a paddle and knocks him across the room] I have no problem spanking men.

Wesley: Don't you think it's a bit unseemly, adding "Y"s to the end of people's names?

Gunn: Does that mean I have to call you "Wesle"?

[Agent Hauser aims his shotgun at Angel]

Angel: You know that won't kill me.

Hauser: It'll hurt. That part's fun.

Angel: Agent Hauser, I'm honestly beginning to suspect that you're not part of the solution.

Hauser: You really think you can solve the problem? Come into Wolfram and Hart and make everything right? Turn night into glorious day? You pathetic little fairy.

Angel: I'm not little.

Hauser: That's exactly what you are. You're minuscule. A dust mote on the shelf of that great institution. Now, you think I'm just a trigger-happy jerk who follows orders, but I am something you will never be. I'm pure. I believe in evil. You and your friends, you're conflicted. You're confused. We're not. That is why you are gonna lose, because we possess the most powerful thing in the world... conviction.

Angel: There is one thing more powerful than conviction. Just one. Mercy.

[Angel kicks Hauser's gun up, causing him to pull the trigger and blow his own head off]

Wolfram and Hart agent: (Shocked) What happened to mercy?

Angel: You just saw the last of it.

Wesley: Spike!

Angel: Spike.

Harmony: Blondie Bear?

Just Rewards

[Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers.]

Spike: What? What?

Harmony: What the hell are you doing here, Spike?

Wesley: Harmony, please.

Gunn: This is Spike? The Spike?

Fred: Wait a minute. Who's...

Lorne: [calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.

Gunn: Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.

Fred: OK, would somebody please tell me who...

Wesley: William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...

Angel: Me. But you're dead.

Harmony: Well, yeah. Who here isn't? [looks around] Besides him and him and her and... [to Lorne] What are you, again?

Spike: [lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.

Spike: I must be in hell.

Lorne: Er... no, L.A., but a lot of people make that mistake.

Harmony: [to Spike] Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually - I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - Ugh! That's just - Ugh!

Spike: And this, bloody hell, wasn't mine. I'm not you. I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I've got me a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna let myself be led around by...

Fred: Excuse me?

Wesley: Did - Did you just say - Spike has a soul? You never said.

Angel: Didn't seem worth mentioning, you know.

Gunn: Seems to be a lot of that.

Spike: Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club. Another vampire with a soul in the world.

Angel: You're not *in* the world, Casper.

Wesley: Did you remember a strange sensation when it released its energy?

Spike: You mean my skin and muscle burning away from the bone? Organs exploding in my chest? Eyeballs melting in their sockets? No. No memory at all thanks for asking.

Fred: I'm also detecting brainwave activity.

Angel: On Spike? Hmm. That *is* weird.

Spike: Think I'm hot, do you?

Fred: Hmm. Lukeworm. Just above room temperature.

Angel: I'm in a meeting, Spike.

Spike: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't care.

Angel: [to Hainsley's butler] We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.

Spike: I'm his date.

Manservant: Excuse the interruption, sir. There are some more men from Wolfram and Hart asking to see you. They seem rather adamant.

Magnus Hainsley: Kill them.

Manservant: Very good, sir.

Spike: A spoon?! That's just...Well, OK, that's more...[the butler collapses] Disappointing, really

Harmony: Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.

Spike: Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.

Harmony: Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.

[Incorporeal Spike walks through a gray wall to follow Angel.]

Spike: Running away again.

Angel turns around and keeps walking, Spike not too far behind.

Spike: Nice new M.O. I can see why heros like you get rewarded with the shiny new glass and chrome. Why didn't I think of that?

Angel: [Still walking] I'm not responsible for what happened to you.

Harmony: Angel it's almost 3:00 you have a meeting...

Angel: [interrupting with a hand out and still walking] Not now, Harmony.

Spike: And here you've even managed to get my ex-tumble, the littlest vampire, fetching coffee for you. Nice perks for the sell-out.

Angel: [Stops walking but still not facing Spike] A little tip, Spike. Try not to talk about things you don't understand.

Spike: [walks in front of Angel] I'm not the prat here. I know you Angel. What do you think you're doing? Made some devil's bargain to take over this company. Thought you'd use it to fight the evil of the world from inside the belly of the beast. Trouble is you're too busy fighting to see you and yours are getting digested.

Angel: Not gonna happen. [Moves to walk away again]

Spike: What? You think you're in control here? Guess again, mate. You're no more in control than I am. Except I'm not going to bloody stand for it while you're just a blind...Groxlar Beast.

Angel: What?

[Spikes stares behind Angel. Angel sees the Groxlar walking out of the elevator. He fights it. During the fight Spike punches the Groxlar's head but his arm goes through it.]

Spike: Oh, brilliant.

[The fight continues and Angel kills the beast.]

Angel: [sighs] Okay. Somebody want to tell me how a Groxlar Beast got past security? I don't have time for this.

Spike: 'Course not. Man's gotta stay focused on profit margins and power lunches.

Harmony: Angel...

Angel: Yeah, Spike. I got a business to run. That means responsibilities, appointments to keep.

Harmony: [Pointing at the fallen Groxlar] That was your 3:00

Angel: That...

[Spike laughs.]

Angel: I'm meeting with Groxlars? They eat babies!

Harmony: Just their heads. You were supposed to open negotations with this clan.

Angel: Negotations for what?

Gunn: [Walking in wearing a suit and briefcase in hand] Get them to stop eating baby heads.

Angel: Oh, so that's good. [looking down at the Groxlar] So this...this is bad.

Gunn: No, actually the Groxlar Clan respects someone who takes a strong opening position. Wolfram and Hart didn't just jack me up with the human laws, also demons laws from every demension. Probably should have briefed you about the Groxlar, but [looks at Spike] we got a little... sidetracked.

Wesley: A bit reckless. Well, if Spike's going to be sticking around, it'd be prudent of him to share his plans with the rest of us in future.

Angel: Yeah, well, sharing's not something Spike does very well.

Harmony: Preaching to the horse's mouth.

Unleashed

Spike: [re: Wesley] We got a history, him and me.

Fred: What?

Spike: It was a long time ago. He was a young Watcher, fresh out of the academy, when we crossed paths. It was a, what-you-call, battle of wills...and blood was spilled. Vendettas were sworn. It was a whole—

Fred: My God...you're so full of crap.

Spike: Yeah. OK.

Nina: How would you--you're not a monster, too, are you?

Fred: Nope. Standard-issue science nerd. I did spend five years in a demon dimension...till Angel saved me.

Nina: Guess he saves a lot of girls, huh?

Fred: Girls, guys...puppies. He's pretty much an equal-opportunity saver.

Spike: I had a wee spat with a werewolf myself once. Fought for over an hour. Brutal. Vicious. I almost lost my—

Fred: Angel killed him with a pen.

Fred: [about Nina's abduction] The scariest thing was how organized they were. Almost military.

Wesley: An underground monster-hunting military organization. It's happened before.

Lorne: Whoa! Watch it there! Just passing by and got splashed with a heap of grouchy. Got to tell you, Angelkins, that extra weight is not looking so good on you. [Angel looks down at his belly] I'm talking about psychic pounds, pumpkin. Why don't you consider me the Jenny Craig for the soul, huh? So let's hear it.

Angel: I'm not gonna sing.

Lorne: Couldn't bear it if you did. No, it's talking you need... or maybe a shoulder to—

Angel: I'm not gonna cry either.

Lorne: I was going to a leaning place. OK, Atlas, how about a shrug? Look, so you got the weight of the world. Burden, sure, but breaking news it ain't.

Angel: Listen, Lorne, this isn't a good time.

Lorne: No. No, it never is. Spike showing up your first day in the Wolfram & Hart saddle, took the jolly right out of the rancher. But we've been feeling it ever since then, Angelcakes.

Angel: OK, so it's no secret. I don't like the guy.

Gunn: So...werewolf girl. Think you got a shot?

Angel: She gave me a look.

Wesley: Really? A look?

Hell Bound

Spike: You're right. I do deserve to go to Hell. But not today. [he punches Pavayne]

Pavayne: You dare!

Spike: Quite a bit, mate. Reality bends to desire. That was it, right? That's why I could touch Fred, write your name in the glass. All I had to do was want it bad enough. [his clothes rematerialize] And guess what I want to do now, you prissy son of a bitch!

Angel: I just want you to be careful, Fred, because I know how charming Spike can be.

Eve: He is quite the dish, with those eyes...

Fred: And the hair and the cheeks and--what do you think I am, stupid? I know he's been playing me with the looks and the smiles. I'm not some idiot schoolgirl with a crush.

Angel: Then what is it?

Fred: It's about doing what's right. Remember?

Angel: You're starting to feel it, aren't you? How close you are now... to hell?

Spike: What if I am? Not like it's such a big, bleeding deal, is it? If a ponce like you could break out—

Angel: I never escaped from hell. All I got was a short reprieve. Not even sure how I managed that.

Spike: Oh, put your martyr away, Mahatma. Fred told me all about your great, shining prophecy. Pile up all your good deeds and get the big brass ring handed to you like everything else.

Angel: Except for one small catch. The prophecy's a bunch of bull. They all are. Nothing's written in stone or fated to happen, Spike. You save the world, you end up running an evil law firm.

Spike: Or playin' Casper with one foot in the fryer.

Angel: You think any of it matters? The things we did? The lives we destroyed. That's all that's ever gonna count. So, yeah, surprise. You're going to hell. We both are.

Spike: Then why even bother? Try to do the right thing, make a difference...

Angel: What else are we gonna do?

Spike: So that’s it, then. I really am going to burn.

Angel: Welcome to the club.

Spike: Least I got company, eh? You and me, together again. Hope and Crosby. Stills and Nash. Chico and the --

Angel: Yeah, are we done?

Spike: Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block-of-wood mystique. God, I love that.

Angel: Not as much as I loved your nonstop yammering.

Spike: The way you always had to be the big swingy, swaggerin’ around, barkin’ orders...

Angel: Never listening...

Spike: Always interrupting...

Angel: And your hair. What color do they call that, radioactive?

Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam, even when we were evil.

Angel: Cared for you less.

Spike: Fine.

Angel: Good. [they sit in silence] There was one thing about you...

Spike: Really?

Angel: Yeah, I never told anyone about this, but I--I liked your poems.

Spike: [dismissively] You like Barry Manilow.

Gunn: [researching from a book] Got it. The dark soul.

Angel: What's it say?

Gunn: A lot. There are over 3,200 different references. Four of them are about you.

Angel: What? Give me that.

Wes: This is getting us nowhere.

Angel: Let me see this. [reading] Well, that's not fair. I didn't even have a soul when I did that.

Spike: No. I'm not gonna end up like Pavayne--cheating Hell any way he could, no matter who it hurt.

Fred: Just proves what I've been telling everybody.

Spike: That I'm a handsome devil who brightens the place up?

Fred: That you're worth saving.

Life of the Party

Knox: And how do you know your spell-casters didn't screw up the payload?

Wesley: Because I went over the work and I got that knowing feeling you get when you know something.

Angel: Look, Lorne...I have things. I'm busy. [Lorne stares] I'm brooding.

Lorne: [Turns around to see television is on.] Oh, you're watching hockey!

Angel: Yeah, but my team is losing.

Lorne: [referring to Angel and Eve] oh you two. The sexual tension. with a knife I could cut it, get a room.

Fred: [slurring, as a demon bumps into her.] Hey, you want a piece of me, buddy? That's right, keep walking. You walk alone! You walk alone!

Wesley: Careful, that thing's loaded.

Fred: So am I. I mean, wow. Wes. Wesley, [puts her arms around Wesley's neck] I am totally drunk-faced!

Wesley: Because you can't hold your.. What are you drinking?

Fred: Nothing.

Wesley: You can't hold that.

Fred: Oh, yeah? Lightweight? How much have you had?

Wesley: [holds up a beer bottle] Including this, I've had... about 1/3 of a half of this beer.

Fred: That's weird, right?

Wesley: Yes, I think so. I think that's weird.

Fred: There's Gunn. Let's go ask him if that's weird.

[Fred and Wesley walk up to Gunn, who's facing away from them.]

Wesley: Hey. Hey, Gunn. Is something weird going on? [Gunn turns toward Wesley without moving his hands, which are together just below his waist] Charles, you just peed on my shoes.

Gunn: [looks down, confused] I'll be damned. [zips his zipper] That's weird.

Wesley: Everything he's told us to do, we're doing. Spike's thinking positive. Gunn is peeing all over the office.

Fred: [slurring] And we're a little bit drunk.

Wesley: Yes! But not because we drank. Because Lorne told us to be drunk!

Angel: [to Gunn] Lorne told you to pee all over the office?

Gunn: Lord, I hope so.

Spike: You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fantastic!

Gunn: Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy?

Spike: What? The Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody fabulous.

The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

Angel: Ow!

Wes: What happened?

Angel: The mail guy threw me.

Gunn: What?!

Spike: Number 5?! [smiling] He did this? Isn't he like 100 years old?

Spike: Hey! Fred! Did ya hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.

Angel: What?!

Fred: Not Number 5? You didn't hurt him?

Angel: No. I -- he attacked me.

Wesley: We should find him.

Spike: Absolutely. Wanna buy him a pint. Bloody made my day.

Lorne: Hey, professional opinion. Sexy soccer mama or brainy beauty? You're an aging sexpot celebrating a decade of turning twenty-nine. You got two little rugrats who aren't that little, a husband who thinks the extras trailer's a buffet table and gravity ain't doing you any favors. So "Happy Birthday, sexy mama" or ...Fred! Fred, sweetie, you're sort of like a woman.

Fred: That's not a compliment.

Lorne: Well, more so than El Cid here. I need some insight. You're an aging...

Fred: I heard. Don't mention her birthday, don't send a card, send a big bunch of flowers just because she's special and pefect and eternally bladi bla.

Lorne: Staring me right in the face. Genius

Fred: And I'm a lot like a woman.

Lorne: You're all woman. You're every woman. You're Wonder Woman!

Fred: Damn straight.

Lorne: Holy tornado, it's true!

Spike: Yeah, it was amazing! Angel went right off on the mail guy.

Lorne: Oh this must've been one major smackdown!

Angel: There was no smacking!

Lorne: That's not the hubbub I'm hearing, honey buns. Word on the web has you sucker punching Grandpa Moses.

Angel: The web?

Lorne: Don't sweat it, sweetie pie. I've got my flack-catcher spinnin' this into PR gold. And once the word spreads that you beat up an innocent old man, the truly terrible will think twice before goin' toe to toe with our Avenging Angel.

Spike: Yes. The geriatric community will be soilin' their nappies when they hear you're on the case. Bravo!

Gunn: Still not sure why Blondie Ghost tagged along.

Spike: Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.

Wesley: Yeah, remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.

Spike: Called shotgun, mate.

Wesley: Oh. [pulls up a shotgun] I thought we were doing a weapons check.

Gunn: Nothing wrong with that. [pulls up an axe] We may need these bad boys if we're going up against some Mexican Day of the Dead heart-sucking monster.

Wesley: Angel, the church we're looking for is about half a mile... [Angel suddenly spins the car around in a 180]

Spike: Always was a bit of a drama queen.

Lineage

Eve: [About Wesley] Willing to risk anything... or anyone... for the greater good. Look, hey... I'm just asking. Could it be there's another reason you're getting so mad at him about this? Mmm... stealing your son, for instance?

Angel: We don't talk about my son.

Eve: You don't trust Wesley, do you? I mean, I can see that. He did turn Connor over to your sworn enemy.

Angel: He didn't mean for that to happen. He thought he was doing the right thing.

Eve: And I guess it all worked out. Connor's OK, you're happy. Maybe Wesley knew what he was doing after all. Even if he doesn't remember any of it.

Angel: That's got nothing to do with... I just want to be kept informed. That's all.

Eve: Is it? Or are you worried about the next time Wesley betrays you trying to do "the right thing"?

Fred: Listen to you. You're blaming yourself because poor Fred got hurt. Stop trying to be all valiant. You're coming off like a self-pitying child.

Wesley: [staring past Fred] Hello, father.

Fred: Oh, yeah, that's mature. Well, I wish I was your father. I'd tell you to grow up.

Roger Wyndam-Price: It doesn't work. I've tried.

Lorne: Wesley Wyndam-Price, you should be ashamed. I didn't know you had a younger brother.

Wesley: Lorne. Yes. This is my father, Roger Wyndam-Price.

Roger: How do you do?

Lorne: A father? Well, I don't believe it. Well, OK, I do believe it, but only 'cause I heard you were in the building. Ha ha ha. Well, look at you. It's like Winston Churchill and a young Richard Harris had a beautiful love child, which, according to my sources, may not be as ridiculous as it sounds.

Fred: [about the cyborg] This thing really blurs the line between human and robot.

Spike: Aha. So you're not ruling out that a human being could have boffed a robot.

[everyone stares at him]

Spike: Sex with robots is more common than most people think.

Spike: Daddy, eh? I always though Wesley was grown in some sort of greenhouse for dandies.

Roger Wyndham-Pryce: Spike.

Spike: You've heard of me?

Roger Wyndham-Pryce: No, we've met. 1963, my colleagues and I fell upon you slaughtering an orphanage in Vienna. Killed 2 of my men before you escaped.

Spike: Oh...how've you been?

[A bomb is about to go off. Wesley orders an evacuation. Spike starts running]

Spike: Wait. What the hell am I worried about?

[The lights in the Wolfram & Hart elevator suddenly go out.]

Eve: That's odd.

Spike: I know what this is. You'll never take me to hell, Pavayne!

[Emergency lights come on and an alarm sounds.]

Spike: Oh. Well, that's just something I say... when, uh... it gets dark.

Lorne: So I am covered in cherries. The police are just pounding on the door, and Judi Dench starts screaming, "Oh, that's way too much to pay for a pair of pants!"

Wesley: Hello, father.

Roger: Walk away from this, Wesley. You'll never understand what we're trying to do here.

Wesley: You're using the Staff of Devosynn to take Angel's will, make him your slave. Your cyborgs panic a bit too easily.

Roger: That creature's more dangerous to mankind than you realize.

Wesley: You're wrong about him. He's not what you think.

Roger: He's a puppet. He always has been. To the Powers That Be, to Wolfram & Hart. Now he's ours.

Wesley: You went to a lot of trouble to get this staff. [Flash to Wesley's father pulling a gun out of the cyborg's body in the lab.] You had us attacked, you smuggled in a weapon...you brought in an army so you could escape. I don't know why you're doing all this, but did you ever once consider there might be another way? Did you ever once consider talking to me about it?

Roger: No. You've failed me enough for one lifetime.

Fred: Wesley!

Wesley: Fred, get out of here!

Fred: What the hell is going on?

Roger: You know what that vampire is and what he's done, and you follow him anyway?

Wesley: Maybe I know what I'm doing. Why can't you trust that?

Roger: You disgrace yourself with the council, you join forces with him, and you have the nerve to ask me why I can't trust you?

Wesley: I've done everything you ever asked, and I've done it well.

Roger: I asked for this, hmm? I wanted to be humiliated?

Wesley: No, I suppose I don't know what you really wanted. You never had any use for me as a child, and you can't bear the thought of me as an adult. Tell me, father, what is it that galls you so? That I was never as good at the job as you... or that I just might be better?

Roger: Oh, yes, this is Los Angeles. We have to talk about our feelings. Then maybe we'll hug.

Wesley: It's doubtful.

[In the background, there's the sound of helicopters approaching.]

Roger: Hand me that staff.

Wesley: No.

Roger: Now, don't make me shoot you.

Wesley: [Holding the staff over the edge of the roof.] Go ahead.

Roger: Do you know how powerful that thing is?

Wesley: I don't care.

Roger: I will kill you for it. Please believe me.

[The helicopter is hovering over the roof, shining bright white lights on it.]

Wesley: Oh, I believe you. I was raised by you, after all. But I drop this, the crystal shatters, and Angel is restored. So I reckon whether I live or die, your plan has failed.

Roger: I see. Well, then... maybe if it's someone you care about...

[Roger turns his gun towards Fred, but Wesley shoots him without restraint. Wesley walks up to his father's fallen body and stares, upset. Fred looks at him, then at Angel. Wesley stumbles away, dropping his gun as he goes, and bends over behind a roof vent to vomit. Fred looks after him, concerned. When Wesley stands, he hears the buzzing of electronics behind him. He turns to look and sees his father's body fade into the body of a cyborg, shimmering with electricity. Wesley stares at it in disbelief.]

Angel: You know, I killed my actual father. It was one of the first things I did when I became a vampire.

Wesley: I hardly see how that's the same situation.

Angel: Yeah, I really didn't think that one through.

Spike: Don't know if you know this, but, uh, I killed my mum. Actually, I'd already killed her, and then she tried to shag me, so I had to, uh...

[Spike makes a staking motion with his hand but Wesley interrupts.]

Wesley: Thank you! I'm... very comforted. Right.

Spike: Oh, Eve's stuck in the elevator.

Gunn: So tell Maintenance. [runs off]

Spike: Right. Well where the bloody hell is Maintenan—? [beat] Oh to be honest, I don't even care. [walks away]

[Last lines]

Wesley: Hello, Mom, it's me. No, everything's fine. I was hoping to speak with Father, actually. Yes, all right. Hello, father, how are... oh, I didn't realize it was so early there. I've had a bit of a... Of course we have clocks in Los Angeles. Listen, I wanted to... Nothing's wrong. I just... wanted to call... and...see how you were.

Destiny

[First lines]

Drusilla: Oh. Such a hungry little kitty. Meow. You've been a starved one, haven't you, my sweet Willy?

William: I've got you to feast on now, pet. Is this your home?

Drusilla: Their home. [Looks at a pair middle-aged corpses slumped on the sofa, posed as if they were sitting.] Ambassador to...something and his plump, lovely wife. Till their spirits flew away on fairy wings. Psst. When Angelus took them for dinner.

William: Angelus? Who the bloody hell's Ang

[William turns to see Angelus lurking in the shadows in a nearby doorway.]

Drusilla: Look what I made. It's called Willy.

William: William.

Drusilla: [smiles] Where's Darla? I want Darla to see William.

Angelus: Darla and I had a little spat. Her precious Master sent for her. You know Darla. Master's pet.

Drusilla: Oh. Poor Angelus.

Angelus: Ah, don't fret, Dru. We'll make up. Always do. [Touches his bruised brow.] Mmm. Ow. After a little tit for tat. Shouldn't let that spoil our fun here. [Looks at William, checking him out.] So, instead of just feeding off of this William... you went and turned him into one of us. Another rooster in the henhouse.

Drusilla: You're not cross with me, are you?

Angelus: Cross?

[He grabs William's arm and holds it out into the ray of sunlight beaming through the closed curtains.]

Angelus: Do you have any idea what it's like having nothing but women as travel companions, night in and night out?

[Wiliam angrily yanks his sizzling hand away from Angelus.]

William: Touch me again—

Angelus: Don't mistake me. I do love the ladies. It's just lately... I've been wondering... [Holds his own fist in the beam of sunlight] ...what it'd be like... [watches his hand sizzle] to share the slaughter of innocents... with another man. [turns his hand over so the palm is in the light now; looks admiringly at it as it smokes] Don't think that makes me some kind of a deviant, hmm? [pulls his hand back close to his face] Do you?

[Staring at Angelus, William sticks his own hand in the light, voluntarily this time.]

Angelus: [laughs, slaps William on the shoulder affectionately] I like this one! You and me, we're gonna be the best of friends.

[Angelus and William laugh together.]

[Spike and Angel are fighting to reach the Cup of Perpetual Torment.]

Spike: Come on, hero. Tell me more. Teach me what it means. And I'll tell you why you can't stand the bloody sight of me.

Angel: Tell it to your therapist.

Spike: 'Cause every time you look at me, you see all the dirty little things I've done, all the lives I've taken... because of you! Drusilla sired me, but you... you made me a monster.

Angel: I didn't make you, Spike. I just opened up the door, and let the real you out.

Spike: You never knew the real me. Too busy trying to see your own reflection, praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I'm nothing like you!

Angel: No, you're less. That's why Buffy never really loved you, because you weren't me.

Spike: Guess that means she was thinking about you all those times I was putting it to her.

Spike: Look at you. Fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms. But you still can't lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you?

Angel: Like you're any different.

Spike: That's just it. I am, and you know it. You had a soul forced on you as a curse, make you suffer for all the horrible things you've done. But me, I fought for my soul, went throught the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over but I kept fighting. 'Cause I knew it was the right thing to do. It's my destiny.

Angel: Really? Heard it was just to get inside a girl's pants.

[Spike is poised to drink from the Cup.]

Spike: Probably should've dusted you. But honestly... I don't wanna hear her bitch about it.

Angel: Spike, wait. Wait. That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cross. One you're gonna have to bear till it burns you to ashes. Believe me. I know. So ask yourself: Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me?

Spike: [pauses] Bit of both. [drinks]

Angel: [lunges to try to stop him, but too late.] Spike?

Spike: [drops the cup, stares at Angel, bewildered.] I-it's... Mountain Dew.

Spike: [yelling after Angel] Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!

Harmony: Well, that explains a lot.

[Thinking he is still incorporeal, Spike runs into a door]

Spike: Bugger, that hurt!

[William walks into the hotel and sees Angelus humping a woman dressed in white on the bed.]

William: Well... looks like you haven't had your fill of her after all—

[Angelus leans back, revealing that's he's been with Drusilla.]

Drusilla: [rolls her head over to look at William] The little children didn't come out to play. [sits up, leaning closer to Angelus's chest] Did you miss me, pretty William?

Angelus: I'm sure he did, Dru. After all... you are his destiny.

Drusilla: Oh. That's so sweet.

[Angelus laughs at William. Drusilla joins in the laughter. William gets a look of enraged hatred as he glares at Angelus.]

[Angelus throws William into the wall, squeezing his neck.]

William: Don't touch her!

Angelus: Little late for that, Willy. And I really don't like it when you raise your voice to me.

Drusilla: William, don't play such a sad tune. [reclines seductively] Give us a kiss, then.

William: Why did you...? You knew. You knew she was mine.

Angelus: Did I?

William: You knew bloody well!

[He wrenches himself free of Angelus's grasp and punches him. He charges Angelus who then easily deflects him and pushes him to the floor.]

Angelus: Just don't get it now, do you?

[Angelus picks William up by the lapels, throwing him onto the couch, and pushes the corpses off the couch to sit beside him.]

Angelus: Well, you're new... and a little dim. So let me explain to you how things are now. There's no belonging or deserving anymore. You can take what you want, have what you want... but nothing is yours. [Drusilla walks out into the doorway.] Not even her.

William: You're wrong. We're forever, Drusilla and me.

Drusilla: [clasps her hands over her heart] Are we?

Angelus: Ah, still the poet now, aren't we, Willy?

William: William.

Angelus: Right. William. You know, you really should find a new name for yourself. It just doesn't strike the right note of terror. [pats William's knee, stand, goes to stand behind Drusilla] Tell you what... William. If you want her... [slips his hands around Drusilla's body, below the waist] ...come and take her.

[Drusilla holds her hands out, beckoning William. William charges Angelus angrily.]

Harm's Way

Angel: If you don't kill, we won't kill you. [in a Wolfram & Hart employee orientation video]

Harmony: [to Fred] We're totally bonding. We're like gal pals. This is awesome. You can teach me about life, and I can teach you how to dress better.

Harmony: I just—I don't get it. Why'd you kill Eli?

Angel: Didn't much like what he was doing in his off hours.

Harmony: Well, that's not right. What Eli did on his own time—

Gunn: Is dismember virgins.

Harmony: Oh. Well, a person's religious beliefs is no cause for—

Gunn: He did it for his own amusement.

Harmony: Oh. Well, okay. Still, couldn't you've given him a stern warning or something first?

Angel: Called a zero-tolerance policy, not a maybe-this-once policy.

Wesley: [reading through a document] This is a complete list of manners and customs. We should probably all memorize this. Apparently, gazing at a Vinji's ankles can lead to eye gouging.

Harmony: [to Fred] I just wish I were more like you. You know, except for the part about being all into science... and not having a lot up front.

Harmony: Yeah, not mattering. I know that feeling well.

Spike: Oh, come on, Harm. You matter to someone.

Harmony: I do?

Spike: Yeah. Girl tried to frame you, didn't she? Must've mattered to her. Everybody's talking about it.

Harmony: You're right. That girl hated me. She wanted me dead. I matter.

Harmony: You don't know the half of it. I've been doing a whole bunch of research on these guys. Their customs and stuff. Did you know that they think poodles are wicked bad luck?

Wesley: Harmony, I'm glad you're here. We'll be needing lunch.

Harmony: He's the Demon Rights Activist? He told me he was an Astronaut!

[As the demon leaders demand a sacrifice, Harmony burts in and stakes Tamika]

Harmony: Oops. I didn't mean to do that yet.

Vinji Leader: I'm good.

Sahvrin Leader: Works for me.

[both leaders sit down satisfied while Angel is so furious he's speechless]

Soul Purpose

Spike: [to Lindsey] Ahh. Uh, yeah, thanks... but not really my type, Mary. So be a good lad and push off. What are you gawking at?

Lindsey: A guy like you, whiling away his time in some cheesy downtown strip dive. Look like somebody who's feeling kinda lost.

Spike: Is that right? Funny, thought I knew exactly where I was. Place called the Peppermint Stick. Prima ballerina up there's Sunshine. Though I'm fairly certain that's not her real name.

Eve: How's our blond crusader? He buying into it?

Lindsey: So far. I mean, he hasn't sewn a big red S on his chest yet, but he's getting there.

Lindsey: You can call me Doyle.

Woman in alley: Thank you! Thank you! That thing was going to kill me!

Spike: Well, what did you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood - I've got half a mind to kill you myself, you half-wit.

Woman in alley: What?

Spike: I mean honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley? Take two steps and break your bloody ankle.

Woman in alley: [annoyed] I was just trying to get home.

Spike: Well, get a cab, you moron, and on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van!

[Angel is dreaming that the team are celebrating for Spike.]

Spike: Well, this is... Thank you, everyone. I don't know what to say. I'm just a working-class bloke fulfilling his destiny. It was nothing, really.

Fred: Nothing? Spike, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after-candy-mountain place where all our dreams come true.

[The world is shown as looking like a fairytale.]

Spike: Beautiful, isn't it?

Gunn: The living end. And now it's time for your reward.

Wesley: Yes, your reward!

Spike: But I didn't do this for a reward.

Gunn: Well, that's why you're getting one.

[The Blue Fairy enters the room.]

Wesley: After all, anyone who saves the universe from eternal bloodshed, horror, and misery deserves to get what they've always wanted.

Fred: Deserves to become a real boy.

Fairy: And so you shall. [waves her wand over Spike]

Spike: My heart. It's... it's beating again! Listen.

Fred: [puts her ear to his chest] You're human, Spike. You're alive!

Gunn: Ooh, I wanna hear!

Wesley: Let's hear it for Spike!

[The staff shout "Hip Hip Hooray" for Spike as Angel walks away sadly, pushing a mail cart.]

Damage

Fred: You play golf? Since—what?

Gunn: All part of the mojo the big boys installed. Half the cases that cross our desk are settled out on the links before they ever make it to trial.

Fred: Nine holes instead of a jury of your peers. Just what the founding fathers had in mind.

Doctor Rabinaw: A lawyer? I already told the police everything I know.

Angel: Well, let's go over it again, just in case you left out any details.

Spike: What he said. But with a bit more of a threat at the end.

[Angel shows up just in time to see Spike being thrown from a window]

Angel: What happened?

Spike: Oh, I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected.

Andrew: Mr. Giles and a few key Sunnydale alum have been tracking down the recently chosen, guiding them, training them, giving them the full X-Men, minus the crappy third act. But this Dana girl, she's an anomaly that no one could have foreseen. Tortured, traumatized, driven insane by Yoda knows who.

Spike: A psychotic vampire slayer.

Angel: How many times you gonna keep sayin' that?

Spike: Just tryin' to wrap my lobes around it. A psycho slayer.

[Angel and Spike enter the office where Andrew and the gang are.]

Andrew: Spike?

Spike: [sees Andrew] Oh, for the love of...

Andrew: Spike? It's you. It's really you! [hugs Spike, sobbing] My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back. [sniffles, releases Spike from the hug to look him in the eyes] You're like… you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, [touches his palms to Spike's face] more beautiful than ever. [hugs Spike tightly around the neck] Ohh… he's alive, Frodo. He's alive.

Angel: [smirking] You two know each other?

Andrew:[steps back from Spike, sniffles, straightens his lapels] Uh, yeah. Um… We—we saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but… it was mostly us.

Spike: Andrew double-crossed us? [pause] That's a good move. [chuckles] Hope for the little ponce yet.

Spike: [about Dana] The tingling in my forearms tells me she's too far gone to help. She's... one of us now. She's a monster.

Angel: She's an innocent victim.

Spike: So were we... once upon a time.

Angel: [understanding] Once upon a time.

You're Welcome

Cordelia: Spike's a hero and you're CEO of Hell, Incorporated. What frickin' bizzaro world did I wake up in?

[After Angel stops Spike from biting Cordelia]

Spike: She's evil, you gormless tit!

Cordelia: Excuse me? Who bit whom?

Angel: Did you call me a tit?

Cordelia: I thought he had a soul.

Spike: I thought she didn't.

Cordelia: I do.

Spike: So do I.

Cordelia: Well, clearly mine's better!

Cordelia: [grabs Eve by the ear] Let's go, Lilah Jr.

Angel: We've got a problem, Eve.

Eve: Damn right, you do. When I tell the partners you assaulted me—

Angel: [pacing] A couple weeks ago, a man approached Spike. Told him that the Powers That Be have some missions for him. Spike, brain trust that he is, went along with it.

Spike: [insulted] Hey!

Angel: [standing in front of Eve now] He's the one who told Spike to save me from the parasite. The parasite you put on me in the first place.

Eve: Not this again.

[Eve starts to stand but Cordy steps in front of her.]

Cordelia: Get out of that chair and I will feed you those Manolo Blahniks. [looks at Eve's shoes] Which are stunning, by the way. [smirks]

Angel: Seems to me like you and this guy are working together.

Eve: [sits] Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but you—you can't keep me here. I have to leave.

Angel: But the thing that really, really pisses me off is that this guy seems to be going by the name of Doyle.

Eve: Doesn't ring a bell.

Cordelia: It does to me. [yelling in Eve's face] Rings a big fricking gong, and I wanna know who has the nerve to be using that name.

Angel: I'm gonna give you one chance to tell me where he is.

Cordelia: Angel, torture her.

Angel: What?

Eve: What?

Cordelia: You heard me. Building's clearing out, means we don't have a lot of time. Have at it.

Angel: I can't just torture her.

Fred: He's right, Cordy. If we sink to their level...

[Harmony races past them and starts attacking Eve]

Angel: Harmony!

Harmony: Is this okay? I mean, I am evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team.

Angel: Yeah. Okay.

[Harmony punches Eve in the face]

Harmony: Come on, you hussy! [backhands Eve across the face] Spill it!

Wesley: Had to be someone else. Someone with the ability to slip past Wolfram & Hart security systems.

Lorne: Like our magically tattooed faux Doyle.

Angel: Spike, I don't wanna go in blind. Anything else you know about this guy?

Spike: Not much. Average size. Dressed like an urban cowboy. Got his hand chopped off once.

Cordy: His hand?

[Angel, Cordy, Wes, and Gunn realize who is impersonating Doyle.]

Wesley: He's back.

Angel: Lindsey.

Fred: Who?

Angel: Lock the building down, make sure he can't get out. Don't trust security systems. He won't show up because of those tattoos of his.

Wesley: There could be a way to fix that. I'll need some help.

Lorne: My dance card's free.

Fred: [to Angel] Who is Lindsey?

Cordelia: A lawyer. Wolfram & Hart's former golden boy, till he ran off to go find himself.

Angel: Yeah, he should've stayed lost. Harmony, guard Eve. She moves, eat her.

Harmony: [grins widely] Really? Thanks.

Lindsey: [looking at the tank] Bye-bye, Angel.

[looks up to see Angel and Cordelia blocking the exit]

Angel: Hello, Lindsey.

Lindsey: [grins] And the hero arrives right on schedule. And with a date.

Cordelia: Yeah. Dinner and a show... and you're both.

[Angel walks slowly toward Lindsey with his arms crossed.]

Lindsey: Is this the part where I get all weak in the knees? Promise I'll never do it again?

Angel: Little late for that, Doyle.

Lindsey: There's always time for redemption. Isn't that your whole thing?

Angel: You had your chance. I guess some people, they just never change.

[Angel starts to backhand Lindsey, but Lindsey catches his hand mid-thrust and punches Angel in the ribs before throwing him hard across the room. Angel rollls across the floor into the opposite wall.]

Lindsey: I did.

[Angel is fighting Lindsey, currently hand-to-hand]

Angel: All those tattoos.

[Ducks under a punch from Lindsey]

Angel: All those new tricks you've learned.

[Dodges another punch]

Angel: They just don't matter.

[Blocks Lindsey's next punch]

Angel: Doesn't matter what you try...

[Another punch is blocked]

Angel: Or where I am...

[Another blow is blocked]

Angel: Or how bad-ass you think you've become, because you know what?

[Grabs Lindsey by the throat and holds him up close to his face]

Angel: I'm Angel.

[Throws Lindsey away dismissively]

Angel: I beat the bad guys.

[Angel puts on his jacket. Cordelia walks into his office. Angel sighs.]

Cordelia: So, you feel good?

[Angel turns toward Cordelia]

Angel: Yeah, I do. I just... I kinda feel bad about it.

Cordelia: My God, you are a piece of work.

Angel: I just [laughs]...I just don't feel I deserve... I mean all I did was beat up a tiny Texan. [Angel sits down] Not like I helped anyone.

Cordelia: Sure you did.

Angel: Who?

Cordelia: Boy, I really do fall for dumb ones. You know how you're always trying to save, oh, every single person in the world? Did it ever occur to you: you are one of them?

Angel: No, it never did.

Cordelia: Well, you made the list, gorgeous. And you needed some help.

Angel: And you were the one that...helped me.

Cordelia: Did my part. [Cordelia sits next to Angel]

Angel: [chuckles] Lindsey wasted a lot of energy trying to make me doubt myself. I know it's not even close to over. I do feel like... I can do this. Wolfram and Hart, whatever's coming, I feel like we can beat it.

Cordelia: I know.

Angel: You do?

Cordelia: I always did. I... I just needed you to know it too.

Angel: So, all that stuff about the deals with the devil...

Cordelia: Is God's honest truth. But you're bigger than that. You'll win this in the end. [she gets up] I, uh, I just wish I could be there to see it. [sighs]

Angel: [he gets up] What do you mean? You're not...?

Cordelia: I can't stay. This isn't me anymore. You can say goodbye to the gang for me, explain everything, once you understand.

Angel: That's gonna be never. I... I need you here.

Cordelia: Don't make this hard, Angel. I'm just on a different road, and this is my off ramp. The Powers That Be owed me one and I didn't waste it. I got my guy back on track.

Angel: Cordy, there's just...

Cordelia: [she puts her hand on Angel's cheek] We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. [tearing up] I'll be seeing you. [she turns and starts to walk away] Oh, what the hell... One for the road?

[she rushes to Angel and the two embrace and kiss]

[the phone rings]

Angel: You know, um, [whispers] I don’t... I don’t need to get that.

Cordelia: That... you have to get.

[Angel walks towards the phone]

Cordelia: Oh, and you’re welcome.

[Angel picks up the phone]

Angel: Hello? Yes, I know, she’s... But that’s impossible, she’s standing right… [Angel turns around to see Cordelia gone; he puts the phone back to his ear] I’m sorry. [chokes up] Yeah. Did, um, so when did she die? Did, she, um... She never did wake up? I see. [he hangs up the phone and speaks softly] Thank you.

Why We Fight

Spike: Angelus? They'll let anyone in here.

Angel: You're a Nazi?

Spike: [Wearing a Nazi jacket] What? Oh. No, I just ate one.

Spike: Sneaky bastards, the SS. Don't ever go to a free virgin blood party. Turns out, it's probably a trap.

Angel: You were captured at a free virgin blood party?

Spike: I know. Who would've thought.

Angel: We are not going to kill anyone, understood?

Spike:[Making a rude hand gesture at Angel] Heil Hitler.

Lawson: Aren't ya gonna ask me how I got in here?

Angel: No. You'd be amazed at how many people break into this building on a regular basis.

Lawson: Did they at least torture you? Please tell me they did.

Angel: Never gave them a chance. Jumped ship... off the coast of Maine. Went underground till the war was over.

Lawson: Like any other coward.

Angel: Wars are won and lost by men.

Lawson: You mean...like me? No, wait, that doesn't apply anymore, does it?

Angel: I never wanted to do this to you.

Lawson: Oh, put your hanky away. I know how important the technology they pulled from the sub was to helping us stop the Germans. Sounded like a fair shake. One person damned to make the world safe for future generations. [looks over at Angel's gang] Except these guys.

Angel: Killing them's not going to change the past.

Lawson: But it'll hurt you. Maybe that's enough.

Angel: Never is.

Lawson: Then maybe I found my mission again after all these years.

Angel: Being an evil son of a bitch not keeping you busy?

Lawson: We all need a reason to live, even if we're already dead. Mom, apple pie, the stars and stripes... That was good enough for me till I met you. Then I had this whole creature-of-the-night thing going for me—the joy of destruction and death—and I embraced it. I did all the terrible things a monster does—murdered women and children, tortured fathers and husbands just to hear 'em scream—and through it all... I felt nothing. 60 years of blood drying in my throat like ashes. So what do you think? Is it me, chief? Or does everyone you sired feel this way?

Angel: You're the only one I ever did this to...after I got a soul.

Lawson: Do I have one, too?

Angel: I don't think it works that way, son.

Lawson: Didn't think so.

[Lawson attacks Angel.]

Lawson: [To Angel] You gave me just enough, didn't you? Enough of your soul to keep me trapped between who I was and who I should be. I'm nothin'... because of you.

[Angel manages to get the upper hand in his fight with Lawson, but hesitates to stake him]

Lawson: Come on Chief, give me a mission. [Angel stakes Lawson, killing him]

Smile Time

Angel: Well... of course, I—ahem— ignored it completely, changed the subject, and locked her in a cage.

Wesley: [looks up from his papers] Sorry. What?

[A spell has transformed Angel into a puppet.]

Fred: Oh, my God! Angel, you're... cute!

Puppet Angel: Fred, don't...

Fred: But the little hands! And the hair! [strokes his hair]

Puppet Angel: Hey! You're fired.

Lorne: Maybe it's some kind of puppet... cancer?

Puppet Angel: [teeth gritted] I do not have puppet cancer!

Spike: [barges into Angel's office] Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink... [stops in mid-thought when he sees puppet Angel sitting at the desk]

Puppet Angel: [anxiously] Spike...

Spike: [staring] Look at you.

Puppet Angel: [gesturing with his hands] Just turn around and walk away.

Spike: [still staring] You're a—

Puppet Angel: Spike!

Spike: You're a bloody puppet! [starts laughing uncontrollably]

Puppet Angel: What are you people looking at? Well?!

Spike: They're looking at the wee little puppet man.

Puppet Angel: [after beating Spike, to the bemused staff] Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do. [walking back to his office] Harmony, get my call list.

Harmony: Um...

Puppet Angel: Spike needs a car.

Spike: [to Harmony] You heard the puppet.

Wesley: [about Angel] He's realized Nina has feelings for him.

Fred: Well, took long enough.

Wesley: He can be rather dense.

Fred: Um... By the way, my car is in the shop again and I was thinking—

Wesley: Of course. [picks up the phone]

Fred: Maybe, you and I, we could—

Wesley: [holds up his hand to silence her] Yes, Ms. Burkle needs a driver to take her home tonight. That's right: 511 Windward Circle.

[Angel tries to sew up an open slit on his head and fails.]

Angel: Stupid fingers! [string snaps] Stupid string!

Angel: No, it's not. It's time to kick your ass all the way back to hell.

A Hole in the World

Fred: I'm gonna study, mom. I'm gonna learn every damn thing they know up there, and then figure out some stuff they don't. And I'll be careful. I'll even be dull, boring. Cross my heart.

[cut to Fred menacingly screaming and burning demons with a flame-thrower]

Fred: Kind of cool, physiologically. They reproduce by vomiting up crystals that attract and mutate the microbes around them to form eggs.

Wesley: Are you trying to turn me on?

[Angel has been run through with a large sword by Spike; there's a creepy demon bug on his back, dangling from where the sword exits his body]

Spike: Fuss, fuss. The thing was about to strike. It was on your back. What was I supposed to do?

Angel: Ask me to turn around.

Spike: Heat of battle. There wasn't time.

Angel: You just like stabbing me.

Spike: I—I'm shocked— shocked that you'd say that. I much prefer hitting you with blunt instruments.

Gunn: [singing] Three little maids who, all unwary,/ Come from a ladies' seminary,/ Freed from its genius tutelary—/ Three little maids from school!/ Three little maids —

[Gunn notices Wesley is at his door.]

Gunn: [rapping] ...and ya don't stop with all the ladies in the... gangsta but ... go [spoken] What's up?

Wesley: I should ask you. You seem unutterably cheery.

Gunn: I am. I am. Look...I gotta be straight with you, 'cause this is kinda blowin' my mind.

Wesley: Tell me.

Gunn: Fred and I are gettin' back together. [Wesley's smile melts] She was so keyed up from last night's fight, she asked me over. We ended up talkin' for hours, like old times. Then, all of a sud...I can't even keep this up, 'cause your face is gonna make me weep. Wes, I am so messin' with you.

Spike: Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good. Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start.

Angel: Look, I can't do this anymore.

Spike: Admitting defeat, are you?

Angel: You and me. This isn't working out.

Spike: [mock-dramatic] Are you saying we should start annoying other people?

Spike: There's a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known.

Spike: I've never flown before.

Angel: I've been in a helicopter. They don't... (looks nervously out the window) go this high.

Spike: Back to the mother country. Hey, after we save Fred, we should hit the West End, take in a show.

Angel: I've never seen Les Miz.

Spike: (scoffs) Trust me, half way through the first act, you'll be drinking humans again.

Angel: Can't lose her, Spike.

Spike: We won't.

Angel: I lost Cordy.

Fred: [dying in his arms] Wesley, why can't I stay?

Shells

Gunn: What about her—If her organs have been liquefied?

Spike: [raises hand] Flash fried in a pillar of fire, savin' the world. I got better.

Harmony: I want to help. Fred's my friend. We went out for drinks all the... once.

Angel: Any idea how she got past you?

Gunn: One second she was standing there, the next, poof.

Angel: She's a teleporter?

Wesley: I don't think so. No characteristic displacement of the atmosphere around her.

Spike: I fancied I saw a blur just before she went Houdini.

Gunn: Yeah, like she was pulling a Barry Allen.

[Angel looks at him, not recognizing the name; Gunn looks around at the others]

Gunn: Jay Garrick? Wally— Like she was moving really fast.

Wesley: Is there something you'd like to tell me, Charles?

[Gunn turns in horror to see Wes is holding him at gunpoint after overhearing some of Gunn's conversation with the doctor.]

Wesley: Knox was in contact with the doctor. But you already know that, don't you?

Gunn: Yeah, one of my sources...

Wesley: Don't. What he said... about Fred, about her soul, is it true? What did you do, Charles?

Gunn: It was just a piece of paper. I was losing it. Everything they put in my head, everything that made me different. Special. And he could fix it. Make it permanent. So I signed a piece of paper. It was a custom's release form. I didn't think anyone would get hurt.

Wesley: Nothing from Wolfram & Hart is ever free. You knew that.

Gunn: I couldn't go back... to being just the muscle. I... I didn't think it would be one of us. I didn't think it would be Fred.

Wesley: I understand not wanting to go back, not wanting to be who we were. I understand it. And I can forgive it. But you knew what was happening to her. You knew who was responsible and you didn't say anything. You let her die.

[Picks up a scalpel from the table and thrusts it into Gunn's gut.]

Wesley: I'm less forgiving about that.

Angel: [slams Wesley against wall] What the hell did you do?

Wesley: What I had to.

Angel: I don't remember seeing "stab Gunn" on the agenda this morning.

Wesley: I avoided the major organs. He'll probably live.

Angel: Is that supposed to make it all right?

Wesley: Nothing is all right! Nothing will ever be all right.

Angel: We'll get her back, Wes.

Wesley: No, we won't. Fred's soul... her soul was destroyed resurrecting Illyria.

Wesley: Illyria.

Angel: We have to stop her before she-

Spike: Unleashes hell on earth?

Angel: What'd you get out of the doctor?

Spike: Screams. Various fluids. And a name: Vahla ha’nesh.

Angel: You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. [to Illyria] And if it comes down to a choice between you and him, then yes, I would fight for his life, just like any other human's. Because that's what people do. That's what makes us —

[Wesley shoots and kills Knox.]

Angel: [to Wes, mildly annoyed] Were you even listening?

Illyria: You grieve, still, for a single life?

Wesley: Why are you here?

Illyria: I... I'm uncertain. This place, was part of the shell.

Wesley: Don't call her-- The woman you killed had a name.

Illyria: This is important to you. Things have names. The shell. Winifred Burkle. She can't return to you.

Wesley: I know.

Illyria: Yet there are fragments. When her brain collapsed, electrical spasms channeled into my function system. Memories. [sighs and Fred's voice] Please. Wesley, why can I stay?

Wesley: No. Leave.

Illyria: I have nowhere to go. My kingdom is long dead. Long dead. There's, so much I don't understand. I become, overwhelmed. I'm, unsure of my place.

Wesley: Your place is with the rest of your people, dead and turned to ash.

Illyria: Perhaps. But I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world. I'll need your help, Wesley.

Wesley: If I were to help you find your way, you have to learn to change. You mustn't kill.

Illyria: You killed the Qua'ha Xahn in defiance of your leader.

Wesley: He murdered the woman I love.

Illyria: And that made it just.

Wesley: No. It wasn't just. I'm probably the last man in the world to teach you what's right.

Illyria: But you will. If I abide, you will help me.

Wesley: Yes.

Illyria: Because I look like her?

Wesley: Yes.

Illyria: We cling to what is gone. Is there anything in this life but grief?

Wesley: There's love. There's hope. For some, there's hope that you'll find something worthy. That your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything, you can still be surprised.

Illyria: Is that enough? Is that enough to live on?

Underneath

Spike: My first official parley as a very loosely affiliated member of... what are we? Tell me we're not Scoobies.

Angel: We haven't got-

Spike: [Interrupting] A name? Probably just as well. You'd want to be Angel's Avengers or something.

Angel: [laughing] Please. Angel's Avengers. Thats so... [stops laughing and gets a look implying that he likes the name]

Spike: So what's on the agenda?

Angel: Uh, I have assignments for people— [a fizzing noise is heard, Angel glances over]

Spike: What? [Angel glares] I'm listening. With beer.

Angel: Forget it. This isn't a meeting, this is you being annoying.

Spike: [looking at the page] Hey, bullet points. Classy. Why am I always reconnaissance? I should get a decently flash gig like "save the girl" or "steal the emerald with the girl".

Angel: "Handsome man saved me from the monsters."

Spike: Exactly! Or... What's that now?

Angel: That's the first thing Fred said to me. In Pylea. She was trapped, hiding, afraid. Nearly crazy. Crazy, but brave. I should never have let her come here. Bad things always happen here.

Spike: Hate to break it to you, mate. But bad things always happen everywhere. Besides, she wanted to be here. It was her choice.

Angel: Was it?

Spike: Bugger, you're fixing to do something stupid, aren't you.

Angel: Done it. Came here. Spend every day lying to myself about making the world a better place.

Spike: Welcome to the planet. We all paint on our happy faces everyday, when all we really want is to pound the neighbour's missus, steal his Ben Franklins and, while we're at it, not think about the third of the world that's starving to death.

Angel:Listen, Gunn... I know you feel bad about your part in what happened to Fred. And you should. For the rest of your life, it should wake you up in the middle of the night. And it will...because you're a good man. You signed a piece of paper, that's all.

Gunn: But I knew. Not about Fred, but... when I signed, I knew there would be consequences.

Angel: You know, the thing about atonement is, you never run out of chances... but you gotta take 'em. You can't hide in some hospital room and pretend it's all gonna go away... 'cause it never will.

Illyria: I walked worlds of smoke and half-truths, intangible. Worlds of torment and of unnamable beauty. Opaline towers as high as small moons. Glaciers that rippled with insensate lust... And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.

Lorne: [asking Eve] This thing coming after you. How bad on a scale of, say, one to Terminator?

Eve: [about Hamilton] Oh, god. He's here.

Harmony: That's the guy? He's just a suit.

Guard: Hey, you, stop! Put your hands up!

[Hamilton punches the guard through the stomach so hard that his hand comes out the back, covered in blood.]

Eve, Harmony, and Lorne: [screaming]

Origin

Illyria: You break so easily. Why do you bother getting back up?

Spike: Right. We need to set some ground rules. First off... no more punching me in the face. Secondly, when I punch you in the face, you tell me how you feel so I can write that down on my clipboard. Third... no touching my clipboard. Fourth...

Illyria: I enjoy hurting you.

Spike: Well, we're gonna have to fix that, 'cause...

[Illyria kicks Spike in the face. Spike punches her. Illyria punches him across the room]

Wesley: How goes it?

Illyria: I've been hitting the half-breed. He makes noise.

Spike: We're off to a bit of a rough start, but don't worry. I'll break her.

Wesley: She's not a horse, Spike. You know, this room is equipped with automated training devices. You don't have to test her by just... allowing her to pummel you.

Spike: We're working on the basics. But don't worry—I'm writing it all down.

Wesley: Ok. Fine.

Illyria: You reek of frustration. Curls off of you like smoke.

Spike: Actually, love, we call that scotch. 12-year Lagavulin, if I'm not mistaken. Good choice.

Wesley: It's nothing. I'm just, uh... I had a... slight disagreement with Angel.

Spike: Oh, old broody-pants got you wound up, eh? Keep in mind, he can't get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny.

Illyria: In my time, a leader would punish your insolence with death.

Wesley: We're not being insolent, Illyria.

Spike: I am.

Marcus Hamilton: Let's be clear about this. Things run differently now. I'm not a little girl, and you and I won't be making love on this couch anytime soon. Now, with that in mind, how can I help you?

[Illyria sends Spike flying through the training room door.]

Spike: You filthy harlot! [Gets to his feet] I'm gonna tear your neck out!

Illyria: [To Connor] Your body warms. [to Angel] This one is lusting after me.

Connor: Oh... no, I--I-- [looks down, chuckling embarrassed] It's just that...it's the outfit. [whispers to Angel] I guess I've always had a thing for older women.

Angel: [under his breath] They were supposed to fix that.

Connor: What?

Connor: Open sesame. Or whatever.

[Connor takes the top off of the urn, and silvery smoke emanates from it, assembling nearby, forming Sahjahn.]

Sahjahn: [looks around, sees Connor] Thank you, mortal, for releasing me from my cursed prison. In gratitude, I grant you 3 wishes.

Connor: Really?

Sahjahn: Nah. I'm just messing with you.

Connor: [frowns] Oh.

Sahjahn: [chuckles] I do appreciate it, though. (stretches his neck) Ahh... that urn wasn't exactly a day at the spa. I owe you one.

Connor: Right. Well, before you start trying to kiss me, I should probably tell ya... you and I, we're, uh...supposed to fight.

Sahjahn: Is that right?

Connor: Yeah.

Sahjahn: Now, why would you want...[Looks closer at Connor]...ah! You're him.

Connor: Yeah. I'm me. Hi. You can take a moment, if you want. There's some weapons and stuff over here if you think you'll need them.

Sahjahn: Thanks.

Sahjahn: Been a while since we've seen each other. How'd Quor-Toth work out for you, anyway?

Connor: Uh...worked out great. Thanks for asking.

Sahjahn: You know, I've had a long time to plan for this moment. I figured you'd be a lot more... intimidating.

Connor: Yeah. Well... I figured I was going to Tony Roma's with my folks tonight, but... I'm here. Learn to cope.

Sahjahn: I'll work on it.

[Pulls a faster than light punch, knocking Connor to the ground.]

Sahjahn: [To Connor] You know...I went through a lot of trouble to get rid of you. What a colossal waste of time that turned out to be.

[Kicks Connor in the ribs, sending him flying across the room. Cuts back to Angel and Vail and later back to the fight. Sahjahn grabs Connor by the lapels and lifts him into the air before slamming him on the table. Connor groans.]

Sahjahn: These prophecies are turning out to be pretty overrated. I gotta tell you, kid, you're making a good case for the whole concept of free will.

Wesley: You changed the world.

Angel: He's my son, Wesley. Connor's my son.

Wesley: Did you trade her? Did you trade Fred for your son?

Angel: What?

Wesley: Everything that's happened since we took over Wolfram & Hart, everything that's happened to...her... Did you know? Was Fred the price?

Angel: No. Wes... I can explain. Just put that down.

Wesley: Why are you so afraid of this? He said it would bring back the past. Will it undo what you've done?

Angel: No. It won't bring her back.

Wesley: Let's find out.

[He motions like he's going to throw the glass cube to the ground.]

Angel: No! Please. You have to trust me.

Wesley: I can't. Not anymore.

[Wesley slams the glass cube into the ground. As it shatters, the cube releases an explosion of bright yellow light, sending everyone in the room back from the blast. The force of the magic knocked everyone to the ground. Wesley, his past memories now available to him, stares at Angel in shock and dismay. Angel sees Wesley reacting to those memories, and remembers his son is nearby as well.]

[Connor has just decapitated Sahjahn.]

Angel: Connor?

Connor: Whoa! You see that? I went a little hard-core there for a second. That guy made me really cranky.

Angel: Are you OK?

Connor: Yeah. I guess. I don't really like people touching my neck, you know?

Angel: Connor... uh...

Connor: Hey, can we... get outta here? I'd like to go back... see my parents. This whole fighting thing, I'm not... I'm not really sure it's for me.

[A haggard and very unhappy-looking Wesley sits at his desk in the dark staring straight ahead. Illyria stands nearby.]

Illyria: You betrayed Angel. You stole his son. He tried to kill you.

Wesley: Yes.

Illyria: Are these the memories you needed back? Does this now make you Wesley?

Wesley: At least I know what happened.

Illyria: Do you? There are two sets of memories—those that happened and those that are fabricated. It's hard to tell which is which.

Wesley: Try to push reality out of your mind. Focus on the other memories. They were created for a reason.

Illyria: To hide from the truth?

Wesley: To endure it.

Connor: I thought sunlight burned you up.

Angel: Special glass.

Connor: Cool. You should, like, make a whole suit out of it like the pope has.

Angel: How's your dad?

Connor: He's fine. They're releasing him now. I should warn you he's pretty pissed. I told him that you took me out demon fighting and, uh, almost got me killed. He wants to have a talk with you.

Angel: All right. I'll, uh...

Connor: I'm kidding! Man, you gotta lighten up. He thinks we spent the whole night doing tests. I told him I could bench press, like, 1,000 pounds.

Angel: What are you gonna tell them about... who you are?

Connor: The truth, more or less. I'll tell them that I'm different. I'll tell them it's... actually a good thing. I'll tell them to stop worrying so much.

Angel: Well, they're parents.

Connor: Yeah, I know. They'll feel a lot better knowing you're looking out for me.

Angel: We still haven't found Vail, but we will.

Connor: I'm not too worried about him. Nothing he can show me I haven't already seen. Anyway... I just wanted to say good-bye. I gotta go back to my life now.

Angel: Oh...do you really have to leave? I mean, right now?

Connor: I kinda think I should. I need to take care of my parents. This isn't their world. They really don't feel safe here. You gotta do what you can to protect your family. I learned that from my father.

[Angel watches Connor walk out of his office toward the elevator. Connor presses the elevator button and waits. When the elevator door opens, he casts one last glance at Angel, then walks onto the elevator.]

Time Bomb

Marcus: Curing cancer, Mr. Wyndam-Pryce?

Wesley: Wouldn't be cost-effective. I'm sure we make a lot from cancer.

Marcus: [chuckles] Yes. The patent holder is a client.

Gunn: Hey.

Wesley: Gunn. First day back?

Gunn: Yeah.

[Wesley grabs another book from a cabinet, rushes back to his desk before pausing to address Gunn.]

Wesley: I stabbed you. I should apologize for that. But I'm honestly not sure how. I think it'll just be awkward.

Gunn: Good call.

Wesley: OK.

Gunn: I ain't lookin' for a sorry. Don't know if I'd accept it. Besides, I just got my heart cut out of my chest every day for 2 weeks straight. Compared to what? A little jab in the gut? Kinda over it.

Wesley: She still thinks she's the God-King of the Universe.

Gunn: So she's like a TV star?

Wesley: No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.

Spike: All right, grandma. Give you that. Good one.

Illyria: This shell... you had affection for it, for Fred.

Spike: Tons. Loved the bird.

Illyria: Yet you strike at her form without sentiment.

Spike: You ain't her. I can see it. Lord knows I can smell i, and I got no problem hitting it.

Illyria: You're adapting.

Spike: We do that.

Illyria: Adaptation is compromise.

Spike: It's called learning. But then I guess you know everything there is to know.

Illyria: When the world met me, it shuddered, groaned. It knelt at my feet.

Spike: "Dear Penthouse, I don't normally write letters like this, but—"

Illyria: [punches him in the face] Illyria was all they needed to know.

Spike: Then came the Internet.

Illyria: You have nothing. Your kind has pulled this domain apart. Each of you has snatched a tiny piece of it. Even those with the mightiest hordes are paupers.

Spike: The one who dies with the most toys wins, eh?

Illyria: To never die, and to conquer all. That is winning.

Spike: Now, that's cheating.

Angel: [speaking in comm] Spike, talk to you for a minute?

Illyria: You may go.

Spike: Yeah, great. Thanks so much.

[following Illyria]

Lorne: I repeat, bluebird got wise. Secret Demon's cover is blown. Over. Hel-hello? Is this on? Hey, Leery, now, when did you catch on to me? In the elevator? That was a tough one.

Illyria: The vampire plays children's games.

Lorne: Tag, you're it, honey.

Angel: If this is our chance to get into a better grace with the head office, I have to say it's not my priority.

Marcus: Oh, no, don't think about us, Angel. Think about profits. It's profits that let you keep this plucky little boat-load of good above water. It's a business, boys, not a Batcave.

Lorne: Well, I'll tell you what--still like him better than Eve.

Angel: What if she blows?

Wesley: Conservative estimate, she takes out the better part of Los Angeles.

Angel: And unconservative?

Wesley: Rand McNally will have to alter their maps.

Illyria: Do you know what you were when I was young? You were the muck at our feet. We called you "the ooze that eats itself." You were pretty at night, you sparkled and you stank. You still stink of it.

Angel: Will you just shut up for once?

Illyria: What?

Angel: My God, the speechifying. Has it ever occurred to you that right now might not be the best time for when-we-were-muck stories?

Illyria: If you wanna win a war, you must serve no master but your ambition.

Spike: [to Illyria] It's not murder if you say yes.

The Girl in Question

Angelus: William...

William the Bloody: Bloody hell! That right bastard!

Angelus: The Immortal thinks he can do this to us?

William the Bloody: He doesn't know who he's dealing with.

Angelus: Well, he's about to find out.

William the Bloody: He's gonna curse the day he ever crossed purpose with Angelus.

Angelus: And William the Bloody.

William the Bloody: See just how immortal he is, when we're done with him.

Angelus: [regaining his Irish accent] We'll carve him up like a Sunday roast and make him watch as we feast on his steaming flesh.

[still struggling with restrains]

Angelus: How you doing?

William the Bloody: Bugger!

Angel: I helped save the world, you know.

Spike: Like I haven't.

Angel: Yeah, but I've done it a lot more.

Spike: Oh, please.

Angel: Closed the Hellmouth.

Spike: I've done that.

Angel: Yeah, but you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the Mayor, and uhm... Jasmine.

Spike: Do those really count as saving the world?

Angel: I stopped Acathla. That saved the world.

Spike: Buffy ran you through with a sword.

Angel: Yeah, but I made her do it. Signalled her with my eyes.

Spike: She killed you. I helped her. That one counts as mine.

Angel: [about Buffy] How'd she ever fall for a centuries old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil?

[Angelus and William have just discovered a limp and disheveled Darla lying naked, face-down in bed.]

Angelus: Darla. Darla! Darla! What have they done? My sweet death.

Darla: Angelus. You're back.

Angelus: I'd claw my way back from the depths of hell to lay by your side.

[Pulls her into his arms for a kiss, but recoils, drops her, stands and wipes his mouth.]

Angelus: He's tasted you.

William: Who?

Angelus: Who do ya think?

William the Bloody: Well, that cheeky bastard. Had us tossed and then violates your woman.

Angelus: Did he hurt you?

Darla: Not until I asked him to. Oh, come on. Have you seen him? With the eyes and the chest and the... immortality.

William the Bloody: We're immortal.

Darla: Not like him. I mean, he's not some common vampire. He's... I don't know what he is. A giant. A titan straddling good and evil, serving no master but his own considerable desires.

Angelus: Darla...

Darla: And spiritual. Did you know he spent 150 years in a Tibetan monastery? Which I guess explains all the desire.

Angelus: He's my arch-nemesis.

Darla: Darling. It was just fornication. Really great fornication.

William the Bloody: She's glowing, mate.

Angelus: She isn't.

Darla: Little bit.

William the Bloody: Best fit you for a pair of antlers. Been made the right cuckold, you have.

Drusilla: Time for another pony ride?

William the Bloody: Son of a bitch!

Angelus: The both of ya?

Darla: He's insatiable.

William the Bloody: Drusilla, you—you let him touch you?

Drusilla: He felt like sunshine.

William the Bloody: Uh, no. No.

Angelus: That's why he had us tossed. So he could violate...

Darla: He didn't...

Angelus: Violate our women!

William the Bloody: Violate in succession!

Darla: Concurrently.

Angelus: Concurrently? You never let us do that!

Darla: Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath so the boys can weep in private.

Drusilla: Will you hold me under the water?

Darla: If you wish.

[The women walk into the next room giggling.]

Angelus: Rrrrarrgh! [throws a vase against the wall, shattering it] This is a slight that will not go unmet.

William the Bloody: Death's too quick.

Angelus: Not all deaths are quick.

William the Bloody: What do you have in mind?

Angelus: I think it's time The Immortal found out exactly who he's dealing with. I think it's time for blood vengeance.

Ilona Costa Bianchi: And you, what an honor! The great Angelus.

Angel: Actually, it's just Angel.

Ilona Costa Bianchi: Ah, yes, of course. The Gypsies, they gave you your soul. The Gypsies are filthy people. [spits] And we shall speak of them no more.

Demon Butler: You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with The Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her.

Angel: You know The Immortal?

Demon Butler: But of course.

Angel: Ha! I knew it. None of this is a coincidence.

Spike: Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse off with my girl. [Angel gives him a look] Our girl.

Angel: It's a setup. You're just his lackey.

Demon Butler: I should be so lucky. The Immortal does not need men like me to do his business. He is a wild card, a wolf removed from the pack, a stallion without, uh, the bridle.

Spike: What, are you in love with him?

Demon Butler: No, no, no, no. Well, OK, yes. But if anything, he's more of a, uh, inspiration, a spiritual guide. Have you read his book? Is a life changer.

Angel: [whispers to Spike] I'm gettin' a little tired of Italy.

Spike: Know what you mean.

Demon Butler: OK. No more games!

[He pulls out a gun and aims it at the bag and everyone stops fighting, but then Angel elbows a man behind him, getting in one final blow.]

Demon Butler: One more step, and the head gets it, hey? We are not animals. We are italiano. You give us the money, we give you the head.

[Angel and Spike don't move; they just stare]

Demon Butler: You give us the money, we give you the head.

[Angel and Spike stare]

Demon Butler: The money, the head. The money...

Angel: Yeah. We get it. [hits Spike] Money.

[Spike gets the money and walks toward the demon. He holds out the money, but pulls it back.]]

Spike: Hey!

[They switch bags at the same time.]

Demon Butler: Arrivederci, americanos. It was a pleasure to do the business with you.

[Demon Butler chuckles; he and his men leave]

Power Play

Nina: You should get away. Vacation? You know that word? Go to Cabo, drink margaritas, midnight skinny-dipping, making love on the beach… did you catch how I subtly included myself in your little vacation package?

Angel: Nina…

Nina: Too pushy, too needy, I never even said it. You should make love on the beach all by yourself.

Illyria: I've grown wary of this world since my powers were depleted. Strange… though I've been made more human, this place remains disconcerting.

Spike: Yeah, well, I'm afraid that never goes away. Anyhow, I thought Wesley was giving you a primer on all things human.

Illyria: He and I are no longer having intercourse.

Spike: Yeah, I… you what? What?

Illyria: He has ceased communication with me.

Spike: Oh! Oh. Communi—

Illyria: My recent reversion to the Burkle persona disturbed him. And he will not tell me why.

Spike: You don't know? You may not think you're as powerful as you were, Highness, but looking like Fred, for some of us… it's the most devastating power you have.

Izzy: You know the Fells. All they can talk about is the baby. The baby's doing this now. The baby's doing that. What a wonderful ritual sacrifice he'll make. Yak, yak, yak.

[Lindsey is explaining the Circle of The Black Thorn.]

Lindsey: It's a secret organization.

Gunn: Never heard of them.

Lindsey: That's 'cause they're secret.

Illyria: You'll have proof soon enough. A corrupted ruler on such a path sees treachery and betrayal all around him. He cannot suffer intimates and will eventually turn against them.

Spike: Guess I don't have to worry about that, 'cause Angel and me have never been intimate. Except that one...

Nina: Plane tickets? I don't believe it. We're getting away? This is.. But thought you didn't have enough time to... Ahm, wait! There are three tickets here. We taking a chaperone? [looks closer at the tickets] My sister and Amanda?

Angel: I need you to be out of here.

Nina: It's typical. You sleep with a guy and he sends your entire family out of the country. No, wait. That's actually not that typical at all. You couldn't just.. not call?

[Illyria and Drogyn are playing "Crash Bandicoot" while waiting to hear from Angel.]

Illyria: I play this game. It's pointless, and annoys me. And yet I'm compelled to play on.

Not Fade Away

Angel: This may come out a little pretentious, but... one of you will betray me.

[Spike raises his hand eagerly.]

Angel: Wes...

Spike: [disappointed] Oh... [enthusiastically] Can I deny you three times?

Angel: Then we're all agreed.

Spike: Yeah. We're all one big happy Manson family.

Harmony: Part of me always knew life would end after high school.

Lindsey: Believe it or not, I was actually talking about you. You don't care about being squashed like a bug?

Angel: You haven't heard a word I've said. For, like, years back.

Lindsey: Well, you get a little speechy, all right? And I breeze out. I got the Cliff Notes—honor and humanity. Absolute good. I heard it. So here's the plot twist—I'm in.

Angel: Why?

Lindsey: Everybody goes on about your soul. A vampire with a soul. Nobody ever mentions the fact that you're really a vampire with big brass testes. This is gonna be a circus. I mean, win or lose, you're about to pick the nastiest fight since mankind drop-kicked the last demon out of this dimension. And that you don't do without me. If you want me, I'm on your team.

Angel: I want you, Lindsey. [pause] Thinking about rephrasing that.

Lindsey: Yeah, think I'd be more comfortable if you did.

Lindsey: Those guys were chumps.

Lorne: Now they're chunks. Demon strength or no, you're quite the master swordsman.

Lindsey: Well, I coudn't have done it without that high note in "MacArthur Park."

Lorne: Slays them every time.

Lindsey: Any word on the rest of the team?

Lorne: For all I know, we are the rest of the team. I haven't heard squat.

Lindsey: That's weird.

Lorne: They'll call.

Lindsey: No, I mean, me saying "team." And meaning it. I kind of like the feeling.

Lorne: Yeah, today.

Lindsey: You're really done with them?

Lorne: It isn't my kind of work anymore. It's unsavory.

Lindsey: Yeah, I think it's just getting interesting.

Lorne: Yeah, I bet you do.

Lindsey: You don't trust me. You don't think a man can change?

Lorne: It's not about what I think. This was Angel's plan.

Lindsey: Come on. I could sing for you.

Lorne: I've heard you sing. [takes out a gun with a silencer and shoots Lindsey twice in the chest]

Lindsey: Why... why did you...?

Lorne: One last job. You're not part of the solution, Lindsey. You never will be.

Lindsey: You killing me? A flunky?! I'm not just... Angel... kills me. You... Angel... [dies]

Lorne: Good night, folks.

Hamilton: [To Angel] You're gutter trash, and that's where you should have stayed, drinking and whoring your way through an unremarkable life. But the fates stepped in and made you a vampire, with a soul, no less. A champion. A hero of the people. And yet, you still managed to fail everyone around you. Doyle. Cordelia. Fred. They're all gone. Now it's time you followed.

Spike: Hello, Junior. The name's Spike. [picks up the baby] And lucky for you, I'm on a strict diet.

[When Spike turns to leave with the baby, he's faced with three of the Fell Brethren standing in the doorway.]

Fell Leader: Place the holy vessel back in the bassinet.

[Spike looks at the baby, who even seems to shake his head "no", then looks back at the Fell.]

Spike: [sighs] Right.

[Spike shrugs off the robe and fights off the brothers' attack while still holding the baby.]

Cyvus Vail: [after absorbing Wesley's magical fireball] I mean, really. I crap better magic than this.

Hamilton: What is with you people?

Angel: Connor!

Hamilton: Let me say this as clearly as I can. You cannot beat me. I am a part of them. The Wolf, Ram, and Hart. Their strength flows through my veins. My blood is filled with their ancient power.

Angel: Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said? [he vamps out and bites Hamilton, draining his blood] Wow. You really are full of it. What was that you were saying about ancient power?

Hamilton: You don't really think you're gonna win this, do you? You don't stand a chance. We are legion. We are forever.

[Angel snaps his neck]

Angel: I guess forever... just got a hell of a lot shorter.

[last lines]

Spike: Boo.

Angel: Anyone else?

Spike: Not so far. You feel the heat?

Angel: It's coming.

Spike: Finally got ourselves a decent brawl.

Gunn: Damn! How'd I know the fang boys would pull through? You're lucky we're on the same side, dogs, because I was on fire tonight. My game was tight.

Spike: Supposed to wear that red stuff on the inside, Charlie-boy.

Gunn: Any word on Wes?

Illyria: Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence.

Spike: Well, wishes just happen to be horses today.

Angel: Among other things.

[A horde of demons and monsters is bearing down on the surviving members of Angel's team.]

Gunn: Okay. You take the 30,000 on the left.

Illyria: You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best.

Gunn: Then let's make 'em memorable.

Spike: And in terms of a plan?

Angel: We fight.

Spike: Bit more specific?

Angel: Well, personally, I kinda want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.