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Angela Anaconda (1999-2001) is a cutout animation television series that aired on the Fox Family Channel.
- Gen: Not so fast smarty pants!
- Angela: (huh)
- Gen: I'm sorry Angela but I'm afraid you're grounded for the weekend.
- Angela: Huh? For what?
- Gen: For not telling the truth.
- Angela: Grounded for the whole entire weekend completely?
- Gen: Yep. Including Sunday.
- Angela: And what about Monday?
- Gen: It's back to school for you.
- Angela: Yes. Thank you, thank you. It'll be goodbye boredom and hello eraser duty.
Crazed and Confused
- Josephine Praline: [Angela wants to trade for her Bug Thug] You want to trade me your sister?
- Angela Anaconda: Yeah, think about it. You could start your own orphanage.
- Josephine Praline: It's bad enough with my own brothers and sisters. [walks off]
- Angela Anaconda: But wait! She hasn't been baptized yet. You could save her soul.
- Candy May: Um, do you have those things that clip papers?
- Nanette Manoir: Paper clips?
- Candy May: Uh, yeah, I think so.
- Angela: Will she really be like my very own real sister which I have always wanted?
- William: Angela, you already have a sister. Lulu Anaconda? Baby Lulu?
- Angela: Oh her. Naw, she doesn't count. I mean a real sister, with hair!
- Angela: Any questions?
- Cici: Yes! What is that?
- Angela: That is a spitball. Le ball de spit.
- Josephine: (Church Organ) Blessed are those who ensure the cleanliness of our neighborhoods. And since cleanliness is next to Godliness, can I have a ride?
- Gina: My mom is boycotting perfume on the principle that it exploits finite resources.
- Uncle Nicky:(chuckles) I wish she'd exploit my finite resources. Eh? Know what I mean?
- (Angela and Gina stare back blankly)
- Uncle Nicky: Eh, guess I'll just use it to impress some other babe.
- Mrs. Brinks: I'm no lady, I'm Mrs. Brinks!
Goodbye Mrs. Brinks
- Angela: Johnny Abatti, what are your five most favorite things that you love to do in school?
- Johnny: Well, sometimes when I'm taking a bath, I--
- Angela: I said, "in school."
- Johnny: Oh. Then I'd say shooting spitballs, sticking gum under the desks, snorkeling milk, little nosepicking, and I throw food, whenever I get the chance.
- Angela: Perfect. Now all we have to do tomorrow is not do any of those things.
- Johnny: What are we supposed to do all day?
- Angela: Concentrate on getting Mrs. Brinks that job. Tomorrow we have got to prove how good we are and what a wonderful teacher Mrs. Brinks is, so she can go be a wonderful teacher someplace else.
- Mrs. Brinks: YOU! YOUNG MAN! TO THE CORNER!
- Gordy: It wasn't me, Mrs. Brinks. Just look at the fault on those airplanes. Mine would've been much crisper.
- Dr. Fanny: Look no further than Bruiser, Cheeky, and Grunt! The evidence is right on their desks.
- Mrs. Brinks: It couldn't be! They must have been making geometrical shapes since studying aero-dynamics for the math lesson.
- Gordy: The fault. The fault!
- Angela: Oh, no. Mrs. Brinks is so confused, on account of us acting good, and Nanette acting bad, it is making her act terrible.
- Angela: Pardon me, please, Dr. Fanny. But you have to give Mrs. Brinks the job. Things are all mixed up today. Normally, :we are the bad ones, and Nanette-- I mean Bruiser is good. Everything good we did today, we learned from Nanette, who learned from Mrs. Brinks's w-- W-- (slap) Wonderful teaching.
- Dr. Fanny: Mrs. Brinks, the thought that this you're most charmed and fine student would pretend to actually be ill-mannered for her teacher's sake, I must say is terribly rude.
- Nanette: But she's not pretending, she--
- Dr. Fanny: Not another charmless from you, you riff raff! Riff raff? Mrs. Brinks, I'm afraid I've been terribly unfair. One of the first principals of charm is keeping one's promise. And I promised to judge you on your finest student. And not on the riff raff: Bruisers Cheekies, and Grunts. There it is. The Angelic smile of a well-taught student. I'd be thrilled if you could cultivate that smile on the students of my school, Mrs. Brinks. Use that contract. We would be honored to have you.
- Angela: Dr. Danny Fanny said it. Today has been a most enlightening day. We learned that Mrs. Brinks and I had the exact same most cherished dream, that she leaves.
- Mrs. Brinks: (screams)
- All: Yay!
- Angela: So now I am in charge. And lucky for me and everyone I'm in charge of, I found us a teacher who has an excellent curriculum. Professor Abatti will teach us everything we need to know about...
- Johnny: Shooting spitballs, sticking gum under desks, snorkeling milk, a little nose picking, and of course, throwing food.
- Nanette: Help me! Help me! Oh, Angela, the precious, it was so perfectly good you made Mrs. Brinks leave forever and never come back!
- Angela: You will cry.
- Nanette: Find me a teacher with better taste.
- Angela: Your wish is my command, Ninnypoo. Our new teacher, Mr. Tasty Twirl.
- Gina: (panting) NOOOOOOOO!
- Angela: And the first subject he will teach is "Ice Cream 1-0-1. Our homework will be delicious.
- Nanette: Eeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!
- Angela: What now, Ice Cream Ninday? You don't like Mr. Tasty Twirl either? They will get a new teacher.
- Nanette: Aaaah!
- Angela: Astronaut Bob. And he will take us on a fabulous field trip to mars. Aaah! We've been spotted by the enemy! Quick, Professor Astronaut Bob, Hyperspace! But first I guess we'll have to dump out the access garbage, not much of a waste, if you ask me. (laughs)
- Angela: Ninny can't win. On account of this truly capture, "Spring Into Spring Into Love." It looks a little cluttered. Maybe we should take off the flowers.
- Gordy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't take this anymore! "Spring Equals Love" is about love, not about being competitive in beating Nanette. Now, look at this, and tell me, where is the love?
- Angela: Where are you going?
- Gordy: You guys can have this abomination. Entering the parade, trotting the river... I don't care! I'm out!
I Wanna Mould Your Band
- (using his Mr. Ducksworthy sock puppet)
- Johnny Abatti: And now watch as I eat a cracker while Johnny-boy continues to talk. (Inserts a cracker into Mr. Ducksworthy's mouth and makes it look like it's eating) I am talking while he's eating a cracker. (Laughs) A cracker.
- Nannette: (singing) "Zut alors!" is the French word for, "being gauche is such a bore!" (It actually means, "Darn!")
- Angela: Who would ever want Ninny-Wart for a model?
- Gina:Especially when there are (Angela and Gina strike a pose) classic shapes like ours to chose from?
- (Angela and Gina giggle).
- Angela: Vanity thy name must definitely be Nanette-ty, all this practicing to be the perfect model has made you more bent over than usual!
- Angela: Whoops. Guess I was so busy getting you things, I didn't learn as much about sculpting as you probably would have liked. Nanno-Ninny!
- (picks up miniature Nanette)
- Angela Anaconda: But don't fret tiny un-French one. (whistles). Your pompous parents' town car could sure use an attractive hood ornament.
- (About Gen Anaconda's marble statue of Nannette)
- Bunny Manoir: It simply won't do! It's beautiful, of course. It's our Nannette! But, it really should be bigger. It will look ridiculous in our capacious foyer, which is French for "vestibule."
News at Eleven
- Mr. Brinks: Ooh! Stay tuned for the Channel 163 news with Carl Carlson.
- (cut to: empty news desk)
- Carl Carlson: (offstage and begrudgingly) Ugh, not again. Cut to black! Cut to black!
- Mrs. Brinks: Class, We're doing the news! It seems that a spot has opened up at the 163 schedule due to news anchor Carl Carlson leaving town to attend a (ahem) step class
- Gordie: (excitedly) He's discovered the cardiovascular thrill-ride that is aerobics?!!?
- Mrs. Brinks: I wouldn't call it "aerobics". His class only teaches twelve steps.
- Angela: (as Johnny) In a crime beat exclusive, we've just received news that the Manior Sextuplets are wanted on six accounts of robbing the wold of happiness!
- Angela: (as herself) And you know what that means Johnny. She's going straight to-
- Nanette: HELP!!!
- (Toothpaste drops on Angela's nose)
- Angela: GAH! ALIENS!
- (Cut to: Baby Lulu babbling and clapping above Angela)
- Angela: SIC 'EM KING, SIC 'EM!
- (King yawns)
- Angela: My toothpaste. Bad.
- (Baby Lulu babbles)
- Angela: Baby Lulu, you might be my sister, and I can't do anything about that. But that doesn't mean you can eat my toothpaste.
- Nanette: I can't wait to find out how valuable your precious paperweight is Angela Anaconda
- Angela: I can't wait until you wear your Spiffy-Pop hat in a giant microwave, Ninny-Poo.
The Bird Lady Of Tapwater Springs
- Angela: Hey! A bird just flew into our window!
- Josephine: I prayed it's all right.
- (angela gasps)
- Mrs. Brinks: IN YOUR SEATS! Detention is not over until the late bell rings!
- (bell rings)
- Angela: (laughs)
- Mrs. Brinks: Class dismissed.
- Mrs. Brinks: ANGELA ANACONDA! YO-YOING IN CLASS?! What in Heaven's name has gotten into you??! You are to clap erasers immediately!
- Angela: Okay.
- Gordy: (humming)
- Mrs. Brinks: What's this?! Using Gordy Reinhardt as you're personal lackey?!
- January: I'll give you a facial if you bless me with eternal fashion sense.
- Karlene: I'll give you a facial EVEN MORE!
- Jimmy Jamal: I just heard from Johnny Abatti how you raised that bird from the dead and was wondering if you could heal my pet iguana. He seems depressed.
The Curse of Baby Lulu
- Johnny Abatti: Hey, I know what'll keep her quiet. Uncle Nicky, sing that lullaby you used to sing to me.
- Uncle Nicky: (sings) Hush little Johnny, it's a quarter to six. Let Uncle Nicky go pick up hot chicks.
- Uncle Nicky: Just admit it; you are the one who cursed like an out-of-work circus clown!
Whose Sari Now
- Prince Abdul: (Singing) Little Nin, Little Nin, Where do I begin? Hair like spools of golden thread-
- Angela: (Dryly) -And brains like moldy loaves of bread!
- (Mrs. Brinks brushes up against Bodyguard)
- Mrs. Brinks: Mmm! All that bowing and lifting must do wonders for your Pecs!
- Bodyguard: Mmm.
- (Mrs. Brinks swoons)
- Sue Rose
- Richard Binsley
- Kevin Duhaney
- Edward Glen
- Jonathan Malen
- Bryn McAuley
- Ali Mukaddam
- Robert Tinkler