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- [singing] I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. Oh so pretty and whitty and... gay.
- Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?
- Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie!
- I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling-out-my-penis-in-front-of-you-ophobe.
- I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my... last name! That's all I want.
- Why couldn't you have told her something else? I was at the bank! I was at the store! I ate bad guacamole and couldn't stop shitting! Any of those things would have been fine!
- I'm feeling very angry right now, because I have only one bed and no couch.
- Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin Buddy, I am not a cheater.
Dr Buddy Rydell
- Dr Buddy Rydell: There are two kinds of angry people: implosive and explosive. The explosive is the customer that keeps on yelling at the cashier for not taking his coupon. The implosive is the cashier that keeps calm day after day till she snaps and murders all the people in the store. You are the cashier...
- David Busnick: Oh no! I'm not the cashier! I'm the guy that's hiding behind the frozen foods section dialing 911!
Dr Buddy Rydell: Wildebeast...
- Dave Buznik: Oh my goodness, Bobby Knight. You're in this class also?
- Bobby Knight: Yeah its my first day.
- Dave Buznik: Working on the anger problem?
- Bobby Knight: Anger? Isn't this sexaholics anonymous?
- Dave Buznik: Oo, noo.. I think that's down the hall...
- Bobby Knight: [Throws down his book in anger] Well, to hell with this! I'm goin' home!
- Dr Buddy Rydell: [watching a movie, laughing] OH, HEY! I'M WETTIN MY JOCKIES HERE! [continues laughing] You gotta get a load of this, keed. I mean, you like comedies? Huh?
- Dave Buznik: Yeah, I just haven't been getting much sleep lately and I'd like to get some.
- Dr Buddy Rydell: Oh, hey, hey. [pause, watches movie] Take a look at this actress here. What is your position on, uh, breast implants?
- [disturbs people on plane]
- Dave Busnik: You know, I could just watch the movie with ya. [to flight attendant] Excuse me, could I get a headset?
- Flight Attendant: Certainly.