Angry Grandpa

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Angry Grandpa (2015)

Angry Grandpa was an internet personality and singer. He was portrayed by Charles Green Jr. (October 16 1950 - December 10 2017). From 2007-2017, he made hundreds of videos across YouTube. In most of these videos, Green would explode into a violent rage over little things such as when he can't find his favorite foods or if someone has been eating his food. Other videos included him cooking and speaking out over world issues. Filming most of these videos was Green's son Michael who would sometimes play pranks on Green. (aka Pickleboy or KidBehindACamera). Michael's girlfriend Bridgette would also be present for most of these videos.

The following texts are those from episodes of this Saga, being put and sometimes translated in the best way possible, as he could get gibberish or inaudible at times.

Say Cheese[edit]

[Grandpa is throwing things out of the refrigerator looking for pimento cheese]
Angry Grandpa: God damn!
Michael: What are you doing?
Angry Grandpa: I'm looking for my goddamn pimento cheese!
Michael: It's right there!
Angry Grandpa: Where?!
Michael: Move the cheese!
Angry Grandpa: Who the fuck eating my damn...?
Michael: I made a sandwich with it!
Angry Grandpa: You won't be eating my goddamn shit!
Michael: Well, you threw the food all over the floor for it!
Angry Grandpa: Look at my goddamn pimento cheese!
Michael: Ah, the mayonaise is open!
Angry Grandpa: WHO THE FUCK...?!! (throws the cheese on the floor)
Michael: I made a sandwich with... I made a sandwich with it!
Angry Grandpa: Man, I was going to eat my steak with my pimento... (takes the steak out of the microwave and throws it on the floor) There's no goddamn steak with my goddamn pimento... Who the fuck's eating my shit up?!
Michael: It was just a little bit of food.
Angry Grandpa: I am so motherfucking tired of this!
Michael: (sees Tina wearing only a towel.) Oh, mom's like naked in there!
Angry Grandpa: I don't give a damn, she can stay naked! MOTHERFUCKER!! That was my sandwich, that was my supper! Y'all can eat your goddamn sandwich! Don't invite me. Now, look what you did to my damn pimento cheese! Look what you did!
Michael: I didn't do that first of all.
Tina: Goddamn, this is fucked up man!
Angry Grandpa: Get out of here you goddamn naked bitch! I'm tired of you goddamnit!!
Tina: I have to clean after the animals at the fucking hotel, now I have to clean this up?!
Angry Grandpa: Yeah you do! Why did you eat my goddamn pimento cheese?!
Tina: I never liked that shit!
Angry Grandpa: You lying bitch! You ate my pimento cheese! That was mine!!
Michael: I ate the pimento cheese but...
Angry Grandpa: Then why did you throw it on the fucking floor?!
Michael: You've got problems, you threw it on the floor!
Angry Grandpa: You're a fucking liar!
Michael: What are you going to do with pimento cheese anyway...on steak?
Angry Grandpa: [Grabs a broom] I'll beat yoUR GODDAMN BRAINS OUT!
Michael: Whadda fuck... Hey.
Angry Grandpa: Who-you'll gonna clean this up!
Michael: Who mixes/makes pimento cheese with steak?
Angry Grandpa: (to Bridgette, who had just arrived at the scene) You get in here and clean this shit up! You made the mess you need to clean it up! There's your fucking broom witch! Fly around the fucking house! Put it between your legs and, ride, fly, fly!
Michael: Ok this is getting bizarre.
Angry Grandpa: (turns back to Pickleboy) No you need to shut the fuck up.
Michael: You need to clean this.
Angry Grandpa: I ain't cleaning this shit I didn't do it.
Michael: Who eats pimento cheese in steak?
Angry Grandpa: I didn't do it!
Michael: Who eats pimento cheese with steak? I don't get that-
Angry Grandpa: I do, it's good!
Tina: There are people at that hotel who aren't that nasty. Man, that's fucking nasty-
Angry Grandpa: Fuck you.
Tina: That's goddamn nasty man.
Angry Grandpa: Get'yo fatass out here pig! Fattest person in this motherfuckin' house you! All you do is fucking- (Tina starts talking; to Tina) SHUT THE FUCK UP! WWOOOOOOH MS. WITTY WITTY! Fucking piggy bitch, you get to cleaning motherfucker.
Michael: Bridgette, go to the room because you're not cleaning this.
Angry Grandpa: Yeah you are (talks to Bridgette). Goddamn, you come... (inaudible)... eat my goddamn food and shit. You make a mess and throw shit around.
Michael: Over pimento cheese?!
Angry Grandpa: IT WAS MINE!
Michael: First off, you're the only white trash person who eats steak (Grandpa grabs a belt) with pimento cheese.
Angry Grandpa: (inaudible) ...goddamn belt (starts towards him)!
Michael: (backing away) Wha- See, this is ridiculous! I gotta be afraid of you!

NEXT SCENE...

Angry Grandpa: (cleaning up the mess) Fuck. I'll beat his goddamn ass... (notices Micheal coming back) The fuck (throws a wrapper)!
Michael: (giggles and than laughs) Hahahahaha!
Angry Grandpa: Get outta here!
Michael: The cheese at me!
Angry Grandpa: Fuck outta here! It's all your goddamn fault. You better go or you gonna wear this motherfucker!

END OF VIDEO, WITH THE OLD OUTRO/INTRO PLAYING AGAIN...

The Fake Bomb Prank[edit]

Michael: [pretending to call a bomb-defusing company] Yes, sir! [to Grandpa] He says, look for a ground wire. He says that--
Angry Grandpa: [panicking] Oh, god, I got no idea what a goddamn ground wire is.
Michael: Okay, the-- it's black, white and looks like a green.
Angry Grandpa: WHAT IS IT?! WHAT WE GONNA DO?!
Michael: Okay, he says the green wire. Get something and cut the green wire.

[last lines in the video]
Angry Grandpa: THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU HAVE EVER, EVER, IN YOUR LIFE, EVER DONE TO ME!!! I DON'T LIKE IT!! That is the worst! Thing! You've! Ever! Done!
Michael: April fool's, you--
Angry Grandpa: Fuck your "April fool's", man! [Bridgette yells something; to Bridgette] Shut up!!
Michael: April fool's, you had Mom call me and say you were dead!
Angry Grandpa: Why don't you go home?!

PISSED About Twinkies![edit]

Angry Grandpa: WHAT AM I GONNA DO ON GODDAMN WEEKENDS?! I LIKE TO FRY THEM MOTHERFUCKERS!!
Michael: They got Walmart-brand Twinkies.
Angry Grandpa: FUCK WALMART BRAND GODDAMN TWINKIES!!!!

Angry Grandpa: I'VE BEEN EATING TWINKIES SINCE I WAS KNEE HIGH TO A GRASSHOPPER'S MOTHERFUCKING ASS!! I WAS THAT GODDAMN HIGH WHEN MY DADDY BRINGING ME MOTHERFUCKING TWINKIES!! I USED TO WATCH CAPTAIN KANGAROO EATING MY MOTHERFUCKING TWINKIE!!

Angry Grandpa: Twinkies is an American tradition. Back when they were pulling all my teeth, Twinkies was the only thing I could fucking eat! What are people losing their teeth now gonna eat?
Michael: Walmart-brand Twinkies.
Angry Grandpa: Get the fuck away from me, white Walmart shit!
Michael: Dad, eat some "Twunkies."
Grandpa: [sarcastically] It's a "Blue Light" special at Walmart, ain't it? Get outta here.
Michael: [to Bridgette] Let's just get him some Great Value Twinkies. [Grandpa gets ready to punch him] WHOOOA! Now you're getting dangerous!
Bridgette: So worth it!

Pickleboy's Filthy Apartment[edit]

Angry Grandpa: GOOD GOD!! Can you believe what hap-? Oh man! Michael's Crib! Nastiest man... Wait, what are you in the bathroom? I'm over here, I'm filming your house! I'm filming your house because it's nasty!
Michael: Okay, dad? (closes the door)
Angry Grandpa: AH HA HA!! Instead of taking a bath, you should've cleaned your house first!

Draw My Life FAIL[edit]

Michael: Your story's not even coming together dude. Ok, it's like ok.
Angry Grandpa: YOU TOLD ME TO DRAW MY LIFE! THAT'S EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN MY LIFE! I'M DOING WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO!
Michael: Ok, I'm just trying to say you're not getting the concept I don't think.
Angry Grandpa: And you're not getting what I'm telling you!
Michael: Yeah, I'm saying you gotta tell a story. So far we've got Baby with a bottle, Mama beating your ass, Going to school, Coming to work.
Angry Grandpa: Making it up.
Michael: We've got to know a story.
Angry Grandpa: YOU LEFT OUT SMOKING A JOINT!
Michael: Okay, Smoking a joint.

Angry Grandpa: I was a little boy. That's me as a little boy. Then I grew up to be a mean ass teenager who didn't like...people. I grew up. Then all of a sudden, I grew up and became a man! Had four fucking little brats!
Michael: And eight stomachs.
Angry Grandpa: One asshole named Mike! And I'll draw a picture of the little fat little bastard! (Draws a picture of Michael with a fat stomach) That was Michael when he was a little boy! That was his tiny little arms! That was his goddamn little bellybutton. Okay, now IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! YOU WANNA.... NOOOOOOO, let's draw Bridgette!
Michael: Okay, I'm done with this.
Angry Grandpa: When Bridgette first came to the house! Here's Bridgette! (draws Bridgette with a fat stomach) WHOAAAAAAAAA!
Bridgette: Wait a minute!
Angry Grandpa: It's Bridgette! Little short little motherfucking arms, little tiny ass head, little beady fucking nose, beady eyes and a goddamn little face! Oh Bridgette, it's so nice to meet you! GET OUT OF MY GODDAMN HOUSE!! GET OUT!! OH, GET OUT!! I'M TELLING YOU GET OUT!!
Michael: Okay!
Angry Grandpa: I AIN'T DRAWING NO MORE GODDAMN PICTURES!!
Michael: Try to do something nice for somebody...
Angry Grandpa: YOU DID! DON'T COME BACK!
Bridgette: That was rude!

ANGRY GRANDPA'S 65TH BIRTHDAY MELTDOWN![edit]

[Michael and Grandpa are arguing about the food]
Angry Grandpa: It's MY damn birthday!
Michael: Okay, I'm not saying it's not!
Angry Grandpa: Well, you gotta do what I say to.
Michael: So, because it's your birthday, I've gotta eat seafood?
Angry Grandpa: That's right. [pounds his hammer on the table like a gavel]
Bridgette: What? What's going on?
Michael: There's nothing for me to eat.
Angry Grandpa: There's plenty to eat!
Bridgette: [to Grandpa] You didn't make any burgers?

Angry Grandpa: Doug, whose party is this?
Doug: It's yours.
Angry Grandpa: [turns back to Michael] See? It's my--
[Enraged, Michael flips the table over, destroying much of the food]
Bridgette: [shocked] Oh, my--! Oh, my...
Angry Grandpa: That's it! Get the hell outta here.
Michael: Take THAT! [throws the trashcan against the table]
Bridgette: Oh, my God.
Angry Grandpa: Get the hell outta my yard, now. Get the hell outta here!
Michael: I DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!
Angry Grandpa: Get outta my yard!
Michael: YOU'RE NOT AS TOUGH AS YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!

ROAD TRIP RAGE 2[edit]

Angry Grandpa: (Driving) You know, youngins this... this trip is bringing back a lot of memories for old grandpa. And... on our way to Columbia, jesus fucking christ man. But I-I was just telling about another one of those (gets mad at a car)- MOTHERFUCKER! That son of a bitch can't fucking drive! WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR GODDAMN LICENSE, GEORGIA!?
Micheal: Should we stuck/stick behind him the whole time?
Angry Grandpa: I, hell- hell why not. It keeps me alert. But... the fuck you think you're going red pickup truck you suck my dick! But Micheal when they, they, they, they were little; EVERYBODY'S FUCKING PASSING ME!! 'CAUSE OF THAT MOTHERFUCK- (turns the talking to Micheal) Put the camera on that son of a bitch. (Micheal turns it to the car, a black Toyota SUV) Look how slow that motherfucker's driving! Everybody's fucking passing me. And he's in an... a... RVD or whatever you call it, and he's-... Fuck it, fuck it. Just to hell with it.
Micheal: Weren't you telling a story?
Angry Grandpa: I don't care I lost my thought. There goes another one passing me! I don't like being passed on the road.

Angry Grandpa- Thanksgiving meltdown (2010 version that deals with the souffle problem)[edit]

Angry Grandpa: Fuck, its my, the goddamn. Hogtrogh, goddamn you, son of a bitch! (throws a utensil in anger) Fuck!
Micheal: What happened? What are you cooking?
Angry Grandpa: Tomorrow fuck that shit! Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! (grabs the marshmallow bag) Who's been eatin' my goddamn marshmallows!? That's for the (throws the bag) goddamn soufflee! Now we got no goddamn- (in anger, throws something again, this time a whole bunch of cans) goddamn, fuck dinner! Fuck Thanksgiving! Fuck your goddamn turkey!
Micheal: Hold on!
Angry Grandpa:
Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about: