Animal Crackers (1930 film)
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- Directed by Victor Heerman. Adapted from the play written by George S. Kaufman, Morrie Ryskind, Bert Kalmar, and Harry Ruby.
The maddest comics of them all!
- Guests: Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!
- Spaulding: Did someone call me schnorrer?
- Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
- Guests: He put all his reliance
In courage and defiance
And risked his life for science.
- Spaulding: Hey, hey!
- Mrs. Rittenhouse: He is the only white man who covered every acre...
- Spaulding: I think I'll try and make her...
- Guests: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
- Mrs. Rittenhouse: You are one of the musicians, but you were not due until tomorrow.
- Ravelli: Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
- Spaulding: Say, you're lucky he didn't come yesterday.
- Ravelli: We were busy yesterday. But we charge just the same.
- Spaulding: This is better than exploring. What do you fellas get an hour?
- Ravelli: Oh, for playing, we get ten dollars an hour.
- Spaulding: I see. What do you get for not playing?
- Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.
- Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.
- Ravelli: Now for rehearsing, we make special rate: that's'a fifteen dollars an hour.
- Spaulding: That's for rehearsing?
- Ravelli: That's for rehearsing.
- Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?
- Ravelli: You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play. And if we don't play [snaps fingers], that runs into money.
- Spaulding: How much would you want to run into an open manhole?
- Ravelli: Just the cover charge. [Laughs with Mrs. Rittenhouse.]
- Spaulding: Well, drop in some time.
- Ravelli: Sewer.
- Spaulding: Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
- Ravelli: Well, let's see how we stand.
- Spaulding: Flat-footed.
- Ravelli: Yesterday, we didn't come. [to Mrs. Rittenhouse] You remember, yesterday, we didn't come.
- Spaulding: Oh, I remember.
- Ravelli: Yeah, that's three hundred dollars.
- Spaulding: Yesterday, you didn't come, that's three hundred dollars.
- Ravelli: Yes, that's three hundred dollars.
- Spaulding: Well, that's reasonable, I can see that all right.
- Ravelli: Now today, we did come. That's, uh...
- Spaulding: That's a hundred you owe us.
- Ravelli: Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal. Tomorrow, we leave. That's worth about...
- Spaulding: A million dollars.
- Ravelli: Yeah, that's all right for me, but I gotta partner.
- Spaulding: A partner?!
- Hives: (announcing) The Professor!
- [the paintings have all been recovered]
- Hennessy: [to the Professor] You'd better come with me, young fellow!
- Spaulding: Don't take him away, Officer! He returned the paintings. [the Professor shakes Spaulding's hand] Pardon me, my name is Spaulding, and I've always wanted to meet you.
- Hennessy: ...All right. I'll let him go this time. [the Professor shakes his hand] But I want to give you some advice: you're running around with the wrong kind of people! Do you want to be a crook? [the Professor grins and nods, startling Hennesy; Ravelli and Spaulding both roll their eyes] Now, why don't you go home?
- Ravelli: He's got no home.
- Hennessy: Go home for a few nights, and stay home. [the Professor nods, removing his left hand from his belt and letting it hang, Hennessy claps him on the right shoulder gently] Don't you know your poor old mother sits there-
- [he is interrupted by clanging noises as stolen silverware falls from the Professor's sleeve]
- Hennessy: Sits there, night af- [more silverware] Night after night. [more silverware] Waiting to hear your steps on the stairs.
- Ravelli: He's got no stairs.
- Hennessy: And I can see a little light, burn- [more silverware] Burning in the window.
- Spaulding: No you can't, the gas company turned it off.
- Hennessy: Now, what I'm telling you is for your own good- [more silverware] And if you listen to me- [more silverware] You can't go wrong- [he is cut off completely by a crash as a particularly large bunch of silverware hits the floor]
- Spaulding: This may go on for years.
- Hennessy: Now, there's just one th- [He is once again cut off by the silverware]
- Spaulding: I can't understand what's delaying that coffeepot. [the Professor shifts his arm, and a coffeepot falls out of his sleeve] Where's the cream?
- Hennessy: Well, you've certainly surprised me!
- Spaulding: Me too; I thought he had more than that!
- Ravelli: I've got Ace-a spades. He’s got Ace-a spades! Ha ha ha ha ha! That's what you called quinsidenses.
- Mrs. Rittenhouse: Two Aces of spades?
- Ravelli: Yeah, he's got thousands of them.
RAVELLI:"How did you get to be Roscoe W.Chandler?" CHANDLER:"How did you get to be an Italian?" RAVELLI:"Never mind!Whose confession is this?"