Army of Darkness
Army of Darkness (also known as Evil Dead III: Army of Darkness) is a 1993 film about a man who is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home. It is a sequel to The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2.
- [as he was about to kiss Sheila] Gimme some sugar, baby.
- My name is Ash, and I am a slave. As far as I can figure, the year is 1300 AD, and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this. I had a real life once, a job. [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware, aisle twelve. Shop smart: shop S-Mart! [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda. [Flashback: Ash and Linda at the cabin] Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] It took Linda, and then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] But that didn't stop it. It came back... Big time. [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake! How do you stop it?!
- All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my 'BOOMSTICK!' - [continuing nonchalantly] - It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $199.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... YA GOT THAT?!
- Now I swear, the next one of you primates even touches me... [yells, shoots at the pit Deadite, then shoots again]
- Klaatu Barada NNNNNNecktie. Nectar. Nickel. Noodle. It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N [clears his throat into his hand, then pauses] Okay... that's it!
- It's a trick. Get an axe.
- First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. [spits out grape seed] Blow.
- Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
- Yo, she-bitch, let's go!
- [Final Monologue] Sure I could've stayed in the past, could've even been King, But in my own way, I am King.
- [Last Lines] Hail to the King, Baby!
- [Upon getting the powered glove in place of his right hand] Groovy!
- Oh, God! No! No!! I'VE SLEPT TOO LONG!!! (laughs insane)
- Dig, damn you! Dig faster! I shall command every worm-infested son-of-a-bitch that ever died in battle!
- OOH, YOU MISERABLE BAGS OF BONES! PICK YOURSELVES UP, AND SALLY FO- [jaw dislocates; he relocates it] SALLY FO- [jaw dislocates again; he relocates it again] ...sally forth.
- [fighting Ash] I'll spoil those good looks!
- [after being burned and reduced to a skeleton by Ash] I got a bone to pick with you!
- Duke Henry: You're not one of my vassals... who are you?
- Ash: Who wants to know?
- Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red, Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northland and leader of its peoples.
- Ash: Well, hello, Mister Fancypants! I've got news for you, pal, you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and shit... and Jack left town.
- Ash: Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
- Possessed woman: Who the hell are you?!
- Ash: Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares. [then a fight breaks out, and he shoots the Possessed Woman in the stomach makes her fly backwards and lands on her feet]
- Possessed Woman: [Looks at seeing a hole in her stomach, then gets mad and looks at Ash] I'll swallow your soul!
- Ash: Come get some.
- Possessed Sheila: You found me beautiful once...
- Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!
- Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
- Ash: Yeah, basically.
- Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?
- Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.
- Ash: What are you? Are you me?
- "Evil Ash": "What are do? Are you me?" HAHAHOOHOOHOOHOO! You sound like a jerk!
- Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh?
- "Evil Ash": Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! [doing a taunting dance] You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! [begins to sucker-punch Ash] Little goody TWO-SHOES! Little goody TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE! [honks] LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES! HEHEHE--
- [from the Theatrical Cut]
- Ash: [fires shotgun at "Evil Ash"] Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
- [from Director's Cut]
- Ash: [cocks shotgun, points it under "Evil Ash"'s nose and fires] I ain't that good.
- Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas
- 1 man, 1 million dead, the odds are just about even.
- They move. They breathe. They suck.
- Get ready. Get set. Get dead.
- Sound the trumpets, raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile.
- They're looking for a few dead men.
- How can you destroy an army that's already dead?
- In an age of darkness, at a time of evil... When the world needed a hero, what it got was him.
- Bruce Campbell - Ashley J. "Ash" Williams/"Evil Ash"
- Embeth Davidtz - Sheila
- Marcus Gilbert - Lord Arthur
- Ian Abercrombie - Wiseman
- Richard Grove - Duke Henry the Red
- Timothy Patrick Quill - Blacksmith
- Michael Earl Reid - Gold Tooth
- Bridget Fonda - Linda
- Patricia Tallman - Possessed Witch
- Ted Raimi - Cowardly Warrior/Second Supportive Villager/S-Mart Clerk