Arthur (Season 1)

Arthur's Eyes [1.1a]

(zooms into Arthur's house, it is the middle of the night, A door opens, and a light shines on him)

Arthur Read: (gasp)

Dora Winifred Read (whispering): Come with me.

Arthur: Why?

D.W.: (covers Arthur's mouth) Shh. (whispering): It's about our lost brother!

Arthur: (whispering): We don't have a brother.

D.W.: (whispering): They're keeping him a secret! But I've seen him!

Arthur (to the audience): (whispering): Uh-oh! (Normally): Great.

Arthur and D.W. come downstairs. D.W.'s light pans over to a red book on a small table

D.W.: (whispering): Don't turn on- (Arthur turns light on) (quietly): -the light...

Arthur turns off light and walks slowly over towards D.W.; D.W. opens the photo album. The look at pictures of a younger Arthur.

D.W.: See? I wonder where he went. Mom and dad sold him or something.

Arthur: [gets in a heated argument with D.W.] D.W., that's me!

D.W.: Is not!

Arthur: Is too!

D.W.: But you wear glasses!

Arthur: That's before I wore glasses.

D.W.: You were born with glasses!

Arthur: You were only 2 years old then, so you probably don't remember. We're On In 3 2 1 GO!?

---

The rest of the episode takes place about year earlier. Arthur has no glasses and his friends are in Mr. Marco's class

Mr. Marco: This quiz is to be completed in class. No talking! [writes math problems on the blackboard.]

Arthur: That's a seven, right?

Francine Frensky: No, it's a two!

Arthur: That's a one?

Francine: No, it's a seven.

Arthur: That's a seven.

Francine: No Arthur, it's a nine, stop bothering me!

Mr. Marco: (clears throat) Ahem! Mmm! (handing out test results) These are your test results. Anybody with four or more mistakes should see me after class for extra homework.

Francine: [has all questions right, but Arthur has them all wrong] I guess math's not your best subject.

Arthur: I have a headache!

Buster Baxter: Yeah, sometimes Francine gives me a headache too.

Francine: (Offended, putting her head up with her eyes closed) Hmph!

---

Scene switches to the gymnasium with Arthur and his friends are playing basketball. The ball goes right to Arthur, but he misses it so a yellow, medium-skinned monkey gets the ball and passes to Francine

Arthur: Huh?

Francine's Team: Shoot! (shoots and scores)

Buster: [has the ball on a breakaway and passes to Arthur] Arthur!

Arthur: Got it! No I don't. (misses again, a peach cat gets the ball, passes to Francine)

Binky (in background): Go, go, go, go! (Francine shoots it backwards with one hand and makes it. A rat blows whistle. Arthur has a free shot, but he is double-sighted)

Buster: Come on Arthur, you can do it! (Arthur shoots and it goes over the net and into the lockers) Aw, Arthur!

Francine: I guess basketball is just not your sport.

---

A nurse is doing an eye test at school. The kids come in one after the other, cover one eye and read the test chart with the other.

Prunella Deegan: E, G, B, D!

Binky Barnes: E, G, B, D.

Sue Ellen Armstrong: E, G, B, D.

Arthur: (clears throat) M, P, 7, R, P, R. Oh, it's not a seven! Eight? Huh?

Francine: (Sing-song voice) Arthur's in trouble!

Muffy Crosswire: How do you get in trouble with the nurse?

(Everybody laughs)

Buster: What happened?

Arthur: I have to go to the eye doctor.

---

Arthur has his eyes examined with a phoropter while his parents wait.

Dr. Iris: What can you see?

Arthur: It's just blurry, Dr. Iris.

Dr. Iris: (puts in another lens.) Now what do you see?

Arthur: A giant worm!

Dave: Huh?

Jane Read: Where?

(A smiling caterpillar is on the lens, Dr. Iris takes the lens.)

Dr. Iris: Hm. (puts the small caterpillar on a potted plant and puts the lens back in the phoropter.) That better?

Arthur: Yeah, I can read it all!

Dr. Iris: You just need glasses, Arthur. That's why you've been getting those headaches.

Arthur looks at a shelf with various glasses.

Dr. Iris: All you have to do is choose the frames you like.

Arthur: [puts on aviator glasses] Cool! [briefly imagines himself standing in front of a jetfighter, tries on rectangular glasses] Hm. Woo. (He tilts his head and his pupils roll along the rim of the glasses.)

Jane: Those are nice.

Arthur: Maybe I'll try something else. [puts on futuristic glasses. He imagines he is standing on Mars. Behind him an alien wearing the same kind of glasses looks out of a UFO. They wave at each other, takes off the glasses and spots some round brown glasses.] Hey!

Dr. Iris: [reaches down for the glasses and puts them on Arthur] There!

Jane: Those look wonderful, Arthur!

David: Very distinguished.

Arthur: Really?

---

(Arthur and his parents drive home from the eye doctor.)

Arthur (with better vision): Look at that airplane way up there! Look at all the leaves on the trees! Hey mom, you have gray hairs on your head! Dad, have you always had those bags under your eyes?

---

The next day at school, Arthur is walking in the halls

Francine: Whoa! You look weird!

Binky: You look different! You get a new haircut?

Arthur: [enraged and yells at Binky] No!!

School bell rings. Arthur walks into the classroom.

Francine: Hey Buster, look! (Pointing at Arthur) Arthur's a four eyes! (Sing-song voice) Arthur's a four eyes! Arthur's a four eyes! Arthur's a four eyes!

[Everybody laughs except Buster and Arthur]

Buster: [angrily scolds Francine] Some people need glasses to see, Francine. Big deal!

---

(In the school cafeteria Buster holds two drinking glasses in front of his eyes.)

Buster: Hey, look you guys, I'm Arthur!

(Everybody laughs)

Arthur: Huh?

Buster: (ears droop) Oh.

Arthur gets pissed and furiously walks out of the cafeteria and past Binky

Binky: I know, that's a new shirt!

Arthur: Afraid not!

---

Arthur is walking home covering his face with a coat and arrives at his house, his father is raking leaves with D.W. sitting in them.

D.W.: (starts crying)

David Read: Huh? Arthur?

Arthur: Don't talk to me! [angrily slams the door]

---

Arthur: [looks at a mirror in his room, takes off his glasses and his reflection becomes blurred.] Well it's better than being called four eyes! If I lose them, nobody can make me wear them! [angrily puts glasses into their case] I won't even know where they land! [puts glasses into a slingshot, and shoots] Good riddance!

The case with the glasses hits an electric wire, bounces off and land in Arthur's bed room next to Stanley, his teddy bear

Arthur: [goes up to his room, only to find the glasses on his bed, gasps; groans in frustration] Uggghhh! [furiously takes the glasses and angrily throws them out the window, they land in Mr. Read's pile of leaves.]

David: Huh?

Arthur: [comes into the kitchen looking pleased. The he sees the case with the glasses on the table, gasps]

---

Arthur: [has put his glasses on D.W.’s toy hammering bench and guides her hand with the hammer] That's it, D.W.!

D.W.: (giggling, hits with the hammer, but misses the glasses)

Jane: What are you doing with your glasses?

Arthur: D.W. took them, mom! I was just getting them back!

Jane: Be careful with those. You wouldn’t want them to get broken.

Arthur: No, mom.

(D.W. hits Arthur's fingers with the hammer)

Arthur: Ouch!! (chuckles nervously)

---

Arthur: [walks to school the next day with his glasses on, goes behind a tree and comes out with no glasses, chuckles, arrives at school. He and Buster pass Mr. Marco]

Mr. Marco: Arthur, where are your glasses?

Arthur: I lost them. At home I think. It's harder than ever to see without my glasses.

Buster: Why don't you just wear 'em?

Arthur: I don't need them. I know this school at the back of my own hand. Boy's room is the third door from this corner, right?

Buster: Yeah.

Arthur: See, why do I need em?

Buster: See ya in class! [walks on]

Arthur passes Mr. Marco who comes out of a door with Mr. Haney

Mr. Haney: That's why I lock the exams, and...

Mr. Marco: Oh, well, the examination was better than I thought it would be. Still, in all, I think that we’re going to have to go over...

Arthur: [counts the doors but misses the one the teachers came out of] First door. Second. Third. [walks into girl's room by mistake and sees Francine and Muffy talking to each other]

Francine: I said, if I'm not batting cleanup, I'm not playing.

Arthur: Francine?!

Francine and Muffy: Aah!

Arthur, Muffy, and Francine: What are you doing in here?!

Francine: This is the girls' room! Get outta here!

Arthur: Hm?

The door hits Arthur in the back as Sue Ellen, Jenna and Maria come in. The door is seen from the outside.

Girls: Augh! It's a boy! Get him out!

(Everybody hears the screaming and wonder what it is.)

Arthur: Get me out of here!!

(The girls run out. Arthur slowly follows and finds everybody staring at him.)

Arthur: Augh! (he drops his lunch box) Oh no....

---

Arthur: [turns on the TV at home] I'm just gonna have to get used to being a four-eyed weirdo...

( Bionic Bunny music plays)

Bionic Bunny (on TV): I'm Wilbur Rabbit. And this is the story of how we make the Bionic Bunny show! (He is holding up a car in the studio. He lets go and the car stays in place.) Em, what's my next line? (filmmaker puts glasses on his eyes similar to Arthur's so he can read the script)

Arthur: Wilbur Rabbit wears glasses just like mine? Alright!

---

Francine: [meets Arthur in the hallway] Old four-eyes is back!

Arthur: Hi Francine!

Francine: Huh?

Binky: I know! You're wearing glasses!

Arthur: Yeah, I am!

Binky: Four-eyes (laughs)

Arthur: Binky? Did you know Wilbur Rabbit wears glasses?

Binky: Yeah I saw that on TV last night.

Francine: I didn't see that!

Binky: Yeah wasn't it great how they make him fly?

In the classroom Mr. Marco is writing math problems on the blackboard

Francine: Don't ask me to read the problems to you! I need to concentrate.

Arthur: Okay.

The kids are playing basketball in the gymnasium.

Francine: Look out everybody, Arthur's got the ball.

(Arthur shoots and makes it, everyone cheers)

In the classroom Mr. Marco hands back quizzes.

Mr. Marco: Very good Arthur! All correct!

Francine: Arthur! How would you like to play on my basketball team today? [shows Arthur her fake plastic glasses] Do you like them?

Arthur: There's no glass.

Francine: They're my movie star glasses. Don't they make me look beautiful? Wilbur Rabbit wears glasses, you know.

Arthur: And his are just like mine!

---

Arthur: And since then, I always wore glasses. Does that solve your mystery?

D.W.: I guess... but it's not as good as having a lost brother. [sees a picture of a much younger Jane and David dancing to disco.] Hey look! Who's this weird guy with mom?

Arthur: That's dad.

D.W.: Dad doesn't have a beard, Arthur. Maybe mom's divorced! I'm waking her up right now, and demand an explanation!

Arthur: D.W.! D.W.! D.W.! [runs after her.]

Arthur and the Real Mr. Ratburn (a.k.a. Arthur's Teacher Trouble) [1.2a]

All: (Not Again?)

Arthur: Maybe, you read the list is wrong, Francine. Let me look. You're right. It's Ratburn!

[On the baseball field and soccer field]

Arthur's Spelling Trouble [1.2b]

Francine (as Deborah Franklin): Benjamin, do you think you should do this? (Oops!)

Arthur (as Benjamin): I have to. (Lightning zaps the kite) Ouch! Ouch! I did it! Ouch! Ouch!! Ouch!!! Heyyy! Ouch!?

---

Arthur: (rapping) A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K! A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K! A-A-R-D... (D.W. comes up as she sees Arthur jamming to the "A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K" rap.)

D.W.: V-A-R-K!

Arthur: Don't botherin' me, DW! I'm studying!

---

Francine: Pleasant - P-L-E-A-S-E-N-T.

Mr. Ratburn: No, I'm sorry. (Try again, Francine?)

---

Prunella: Of course. Preparation. P-R-E-P... (pauses out) ...E...R-A-T-I-O-N - preparation.

D.W. All Wet [1.3a]

Arthur: OCTOPUS!!!

D.W.: Octopus! Octopus! Octopus!!!

Mrs. Read: What the...?!

Mr. Read: And?!

Arthur: And I'm really sorry. It was just a joke!

Mrs. Read: Not a very funny one. Now, go to your room!

D.W.: And don't come out until I say so!

Mrs. Read: Feel better?

D.W.: I hope an octopus eats him!

---

D.W.: I'm not going!

Everyone: What? Why?

D.W.: I don't want to go in the water!

Arthur: You're not still scared of octopuses, are you? We're going to the lake, D.W. Octopuses live in oceans, not lakes.

D.W.: I'm not going, and that's that!

D.W.'s Imaginary Friend [1.4a]

Francine: Pretend friend. What babies! Arthur's a baby!

Arthur's Pet Business [1.5a]

[Arthur cuts a paper of dogs in half with scissors as his sister walks into his room]

D.W.: [sings] Arthur wants a dog. Arthur wants a dog.

Arthur: Don't say anything, D.W.! I'm waiting for just the right moment to ask Mom and Dad.

D.W.: You can trust me, Arthur.

---

Mr. Read: Arthur...

Arthur: Don't worry, Dad. I'll work out all their schedules, somehow.

D.W.: AAH!!! HELP!!!

Mr. Read: D.W.?!

Arthur: Uh-oh. Oh, no, the ant farm! No, Kate, don't! Oh, no! Hey, wait! Hey! Where are you going?

Mrs. Read: Huh?

Arthur: Come here!

Mrs. Read: Arthur...!

D.W.: Arthur...!

Mr. Read: Arthur...!

D.W. the Copycat [1.5b]

Arthur: N-O! No!!! There are no babies in baseball!

---

Jane: Excuse me, I'm on the phone.

Locked in the Library [1.6a]

Francine: ARTHUR READ! Did you tell everyone I looked like a marshmallow?!

Arthur: Uh....uh....

Buster: [to Arthur] Yeah, don't you remember? When she was wearing that goofy sweater. [to Francine] So, what do you want to do about it?

Francine: You better apologize or...

Buster: [to Francine] Or what?

Francine: [points at Arthur] Or you're gonna get it!

---

Ms. Turner: 5:00.

---

[after Arthur and Francine get locked in the library, they bump into each others' backs.]

Arthur and Francine: [both screams] [to each other] YOU!?

Francine: Arthur, why didn't you tell me what time it was?! You got us locked in.

Arthur: [pointing to himself] Me?! [pointing to Francine] Why didn't you say what time it was?!

Francine: [pointing to Arthur] I'm NOT your mother, Arthur Read?! I mean, how dumb does a person have to be to get locked in a library?! [holds up her arms in a "V" shape position with her hands open and pauses for a few seconds; angrier] Anyway, [puts her arms down] I have no time for childish bickering. I have to get out of here. [walks off]

Arthur: Fine. [walks after Francine]

Francine: Fine. And by the way, I'm still not talking to you, and I'm not listening, either. [covers her ears with her hands and bends her elbows and walks forward until she bumps her elbow onto a bookshelf] Ow!? [Arthur and Francine gets stacks of books off of the bookshelves and create passageways to escape from the library. Arthur builds a tower full of books while Francine builds a staircase of books.] Oh! [walks to the tower of books and grabs a book from the tower right before Arthur is about to unlock the window]

Arthur: HEY! [the tower collapses and becomes a mess full of books, causing Arthur to fall] [sarcastically] Thanks, I was almost there.

Francine: [completes the staircase of books with the book she last grabbed, walks up the staircase, and unlocks the window, but a fly comes by, and takes 3 attempts to shoo the fly away, but screams and starts falling off the stairs of books] Ow!

[Arthur starts running up the staircase of books, and Francine goes after him also. Arthur starts pulling on the window handles, but nothing works out. Francine then helps him out, puts her foot against the window, then the handles break off, and she and Arthur fall and the staircase of books collapses]

Arthur: I just remembered something...

Francine: What?

Arthur: Today is Saturday, which means the library is closed until...

[Francine gasps in horror]

Arthur and Francine: MONDAY!! [their voices start echoing around the library]

---

[after Muffy has hung up on Francine]

Arthur: What did you do?! How could you let her hang up?!

Francine: Keep your shirt on! I'm calling my mom. [Francine dials the number of her apartment]

Telephone's recording message: To dial out, you must enter the correct user code. Please hang up and try again. To dial out... [Francine gives an annoyed look to the camera]

Arthur: Okay. We're doomed!

Francine: You're such a wimp.

Arthur: And you're a bossy know-it-all, [low tone] marshmallow.

Francine: [angrier] That does it, Arthur Read! If I have to spend the weekend here, I'm NOT spending it with you!

Arthur: Fine with me! See if I care!

Arthur Accused! [1.6b]

Ms. Tingley: This doesn't look good, Mr. Haney...

Mr. Haney: It certainly doesn't, Ms. Tingley.

Arthur: You mean, you think I STOLE THE QUARTERS?!

Mr. Haney: YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM, ARTHUR!

Ms. Tingley: You certainly were!

Mr. Haney: If that money doesn't turn up, I'm afraid that you'll have to serve a day...

Ms. Tingley: Week!

Mr. Haney: ...a week of after school detention starting today!

Ms. Tingley: And no picnic for you tomorrow!

Buster Makes the Grade [1.7b]

[Buster walks into Mr. Haney's office]

Mr. Haney: Come in.

Buster: Mom, Grandma, what are you guys doing here?

[Buster's mother Bitzi and his grandmother are in Mr. Haney's office about Buster's poor grades]

Bitzi: It's nothing to worry about, dear. [sobs]

[Buster's grandmother comforts her]

Mr. Haney: [takes out a lollipop and tissue] Really, Mrs. Baxter. It's not as bad as always is serious, very serious, but nothing a little elbow grease - A lot of elbow grease - Can't fix. Hopefully. Sit down, Buster.

[Mr. Ratburn sets a chair in the middle of the office for Buster]

---

Binky: "In 1776, Thomas Jefferson, who would later become the third President of the United States, wrote the Declaration of Independence." [Binky is madly with Buster snores. Binky takes off the glasses, which have eyes painted on them. Buster is asleep.] Buster?!

---

Bitzi: Buster, wake up! Your English tutor is here.

[Buster wakes up and finds Arthur at the door]

Buster: Oh. [chuckles] It's just you, Arthur.

Bitzi: Well, I'll leave you two to your work.

[she leaves the room]

Buster: Hey, Arthur, good plan. You fooled her completely. If we hurry, we can get to the park before the game starts.

Arthur: We're not going to the park today, Buster.

Buster: What?

Arthur: Get your books. We're gonna study!

Buster: STUDY?!

Arthur's New Puppy [1.8a]

Jane: Arthur, my rug.

Arthur: [Pal ripped rug] Uh-oh. Pal?! Pal?!

---

Arthur: Pal, sit. [pauses; Pal gets up] No, sit. [D.W. chuckles] Sit. Stay.

Arthur Babysits [1.9a]

Arthur: [gasps] Stop that right now!!!

Arthur's Birthday [1.10a]

Arthur and Francine ride their bikes to Muffy's House. When they get there, they see duck workers rolling out new lawn. A man with a hedge trimmer walks past them.

Francine and Arthur: (gasp)

Francine: You think you can do it, Arthur?

Arthur: I've got to, Francine! [surreptitiously walks over to the mailbox and puts in an envelope]

Muffy: Are you sure this is going to be done in time?

Mrs. Crosswire: Muffy, why don't you go check the mail?

Muffy: Okay. Maybe there's something for me!

Francine: Muffy's coming!

Muffy comes running

Arthur: [hides behind a tree] Oh no! If Muffy catches me, my entire birthday will be ruined!

---

Arthur: [writes invitations on the table]

D.W.: What are you playing?

Arthur: I'm not playing. I'm writing invitations to my birthday party.

D.W.: [walks to Arthur] How do you spell "party"?

Arthur: P-A-R-T-Y. Why?

D.W.: I'm making invitations to my birthday party.

Arthur: Your birthday is not for six months!

D.W.: Yeah, but I'm gonna invite everyone. And I write slow.

Arthur: [picks up the invitations]

Mrs. Read: [takes the laundry out of the washing machine, but tugs on a towel] Give me that, you little scamp!

Arthur: [comes with his invitations] Mom, my invitations are all written!

D.W.: Look at that dog! He's eating a towel! Arthur, your dog can't tell towels from food!

Arthur: [put the invitations on the washing machine, picks up Pal and takes him to a calendar on the wall] Come on, boy! I can't wait! How many days left? One, two, three... four more days until my birthday.

D.W.: I think it would be easier to teach him to use a calculator than to count.

Mrs. Read: Arthur? Are you ready to go buy party supplies?

Arthur: Yeah!

---

Arthur and D.W. enter a party supply store with their mom and explore the store

Arthur: Whoa!

D.W.: Double whoa! [notices some square balloons] Huh? How do you get square balloons?

Store Employee: Blow square breaths!

D.W.: Oh...

Arthur and Mrs. Read blow noisemakers at each other

Arthur looks at balloons, one of which is the shape of Mr. Haney’s head. Arthur scratches his head

D.W.: [comes with a unicorn plate] Get these pretty plates, Arthur!

Arthur: No way D.W.! I'm getting these! [shows her a Bionic Bunny plate]

D.W.: Blech!

---

The Read parents, Kate and D.W. sit at the dining table. D.W. has a unicorn plate.

Kate: [eats messily, coos, laughs]

Grandma Thora: What kind of birthday cake should I bake?

Arthur: Chocolate!

Kate: (coos)

D.W.: See, Arthur? Even Kate agrees with me about the plates.

Mrs. Read: Have a good day at school, honey!

D.W.: And don't forget to hand out your invitations! [hands them to Arthur]

Arthur: I hope everybody can come to my party!

---

Arthur: [catches up with Buster outside Lakewood Elementary] Buster, can you come to my party?

Buster: Are you kidding?! Of course!

Arthur: [give Binky and invitation at his locker] Binky Barnes.

Binky: Me?!

Arthur: Yeah, and Francine. [gives an invitation to Francine as she passes]

Francine: Oh boy! We can play spin the bottle!

Arthur and Buster look embarrassed

Binky: [whispers] It's not too late to uninvite her.

Arthur: No, I'll just do the recycling that morning so that there'll be no bottles in the house. [meets Muffy who is also holding invitations] Will you come to my party?

Muffy: Sure! When is it?

Arthur: Saturday afternoon! I can't wait!

Prunella, Sue Ellen and Fern: [gasp]

Muffy: This Saturday afternoon?! But that's when I'm having my party! [hands out invitations to Arthur’s friends] I would've handed out my invitations two days ago, but they came back late from the printer.

Arthur: [hands out invitations to the girls] Can't you change your party to another day?

Muffy: Are you kidding?! The rock band and Pickles the clown have been booked for months!

Buster: You got Pickles?! He did my cousin's wedding! He's a genius!

Students: Ooooh, Pickles!

Arthur: But I can't change my party either! All my relatives are coming from Ohio!

Students: Ooooh, Ohio!

Muffy: Well then, everybody will just have to choose which party to attend.

Everyone looks at their invitations.

Binky: What are you thinking about?

Francine: About whose party to go to. Why? What are you thinking about?

Binky: Where's Ohio?

---

Arthur, Buster, Binky and Brain are playing with a basketball during recess

Buster: As boys, we have to stick together! [passes the ball to Binky]

Binky: The rabbit's right as rain!

Brain: I agree! We all go to Arthur's party! [he, Buster and Binky join hands]

Arthur: What about the girls?

Buster: Ah, who needs girls?

Muffy, Francine, Prunella, Sue Ellen and Fern are nearby at the jungle gym

Muffy: Who needs boys? Anyone who doesn't come to my party can't be my friend anymore!

Francine: But a party won't be fun without the boys!

Muffy: Are you my friend or not!

A teacher calls the kids with a whistle. There’s a rope lying on the ground

Coach Grimslid: Come here kids! Let's choose sides for a tug of war! Muffy, you be one captain! Buster, you be the other! Muffy, choose your first player!

Muffy: This team looks good to me!

Buster: That's fine!

Coach Grimslid: Okay then, the team that pulls the other team over this line wins! [blows her whistle]

Kids: [starts pulling and strains]

Muffy: Who needs boys?! Pull! Who needs boys?! Pull!

Buster: Who needs girls?! Pull! Who needs girls?! Pull!

Binky: Come on guys, pull! [ties the rope to his waist and leans back. Prunella ties the other end to the jungle gym. Suddenly the rope breaks and all kids fall down]

Arthur: I guess nobody wins.

---

Boys and girls sit at separate tables in the Powers’ ice-cream shop.

Kids: (chatter)

Francine and Arthur both walk to the counter.

Arthur: Everybody's really starting to hate each other.

Francine: This is just terrible Arthur!

Buster, Muffy, Sue Ellen and Fern: [angrily blows raspberry]

Arthur: I wish you could come to my party.

Francine: I promised Muffy. How can I go to both? What's a party without boys?!

Arthur: Wait a minute! I have an idea! [whispers in her ear]

Francine: That's a great idea, Arthur!!

Arthur: [covers Francine's mouth] Shhh! But we have to keep it secret!

---

Arthur and Francine sit in the treehouse.

Francine: Let me write them. It has to look like Muffy's handwriting.

Arthur: Okay, but be sure that there's one for all the girls. I'll write the note to Muffy myself. [begins writing]

---

Arthur shows a revised invitation to his parents in his dad’s workshop

Mr. Read: That's a very good plan! I wish I'd thought of it!

Arthur: Francine and I will deliver them first thing in the morning!

---

Arthur and Francine ride through town on their bikes and put invitations in several mailboxes.

Francine: Okay, it's in!

Arthur: [checks a clipboard] All that's left is....

Arthur and Francine: Muffy!

The opening scene at the Crosswires’ gate is shown again

Francine: You think you can do it, Arthur?

Arthur: I've got to, Francine! [walks to the mailbox]

Francine: (gasps) Duck!

Arthur ducks and an anthropomorphic duck worker walks by.

Duck Worker: (quacks)

Arthur hides until the worker has gone back through the gate. Then he runs to the mailbox and is about to put his note in when he hears Muffy.

Muffy: Are you sure this is going to be done in time for my big party?

Mrs. Crosswire: Muffy, why don't you go check the mail?

Muffy: Okay. Maybe I got more presents!

Arthur quickly puts in the note.

Francine: Muffy's coming!

Muffy runs towards the mailbox and Arthur hides behind a tree. Francine covers her eyes.

Muffy: [gets the invitation and runs back through the gate] Mommy! I got a note from Arthur!

Arthur is not to be seen. Francine scratches her head. Arthur peeps out of some rolls of lawn.

Francine: (giggles)

Arthur: [comes out covered in mud] Let's go!

---

Arthur: [runs into the kitchen looking relieved] Mission accomplished!

Mr. Read: [holds a plate of pancakes] Just in time for your favorite!

Aunt Bonnie: With maple syrup all the way from Ohio!

Cousin George: [brings a present] Happy birthday, Arthur! Guess what it is?

Arthur: Uhhhh....

Cousin George: It's a chemistry set!

Arthur: Oh, thanks.

Mrs. Read, Grandma Thora and George hang up decorations in the hallway

Mrs. Read: Time for birthday kisses! [kisses Arthur on the head]

Grandma Thora: And eight birthday hugs! [hugs Arthur]

D.W.: And a pinch to grow an inch! (laughs and annoyingly chases Arthur)

Arthur: Mooomm!

The doorbell rings. Mr. Read opens to Buster and Brain.

Buster: Happy Birthday!

Prunella walks up to the house.

Brain: Hey, what's she doing here?

Buster: And here comes Francine too.

Francine: (comes running and giggles)

Binky, Fern and Sue Ellen come in.

Sue Ellen: Am I at the right place?

Arthur: Yeah, come in!

Francine: It's a surprise for Muffy!

Brain: It's a surprise for all of us!

The kids follow Arthur and Mr. Read closes the door.

The living room grandfather clock strikes noon

Arthur: Everyone find a place to hide! Muffy will be here any minute!

Buster: What did you say in your note to Muffy?

Arthur: I said, "I have a special present for you. It's so big that I can't carry it by myself. Please come to my house today at noon to get it!"

The doorbell rings.

Francine: Shh!

Arthur opens the door to Muffy.

Muffy: I'm here for my present!

The kids leap out of hiding.

Kids: Surprise! Happy Birthday!

Arthur: I told you your present was too big to carry.

Francine: What's a birthday party without all of your friends?

The kids put on party hats. They play limbo. Binky falls on his back while Kate easily crawls under the stick. Mr. Read lifts her up in victory. Buster tries to smash a clown-shaped piñata. So does Francine, but the piñata merely swings

Mr. Read: Maybe I better help you out. [hits the piñata to no avail]

Kids: (chuckle)

Mr. Read hits the piñata with a hammer. The kids continue to party.

The kids gather around a birthday cake.

Muffy: This is great! We should do this every year! Thank you everybody!

Mrs. Read: Next year we'll do it at your house.

Francine: Time to open your presents! I picked this out especially for you! [gives the present to Arthur]. You have to promise me you'll use it right away!

Arthur: Sure, I can't wait! [unpacks a box in a bottle]

Francine: It's a spin the bottle game.

Boys: (gasp)

Francine: Let me show you how it works. [spins the bottle. It points to Pal and he licks her face].

Kids: (laugh)

Francine looks annoyed but then pets Pal.

Outside, Mr. Read tries to open the piñata with a chainsaw.

Francine Frensky, Superstar [1.10b]

[At the Frensky's apartment, Francine starts flickering with the lights, but Catherine gets irritated by this]

Catherine: Francine! I'm trying to read Shakespeare.

Francine: I'm sorry, Catherine. But if I am to play Edison convincingly, I need experience with electric lights.

[Francine continues flickering with the light switch, but Catherine is still annoyed]

Catherine: Why don't you study a phonograph or a movie camera? He invented those.

Francine: Good idea, I will. As soon as I'm done here.

[Francine flickers with the light switches once again]

Catherine: Mother!

Arthur's Baby [1.11a]

Arthur's Mom: Happy first birthday, Kate!

Arthur and D.W.: Happy birthday, Kate!

(Kate giggles and stuffs the cake in her mouth)

Arthur: Babies do some dopey things, but I guess we were all babies once, like my friend Buster.

(Baby Buster eats grocery store food placed in the shopping cart)

Bitzi: No, sweetie. Don't do that.

(Bitzi throws the apple away. Buster eats the celery)

Bitzi: Oh, goodness! No! Stop!

(Bitzi takes the celery away from him)

Arthur: And Mr. Ratburn.

(Baby Mr. Ratburn is drawing on the math walls while his mother is vacuuming)

Mr. Ratburn's Mother: Emil, what are you doing?!

Arthur: Even my mom and dad.

(They play in the sandbox two babies.)

Arthur's Mom as a baby: Clean your room! :Arthur: Even my little sister Kate is growing up.

(Arthur's Mom wipes Kate's mouth with a napkin.)

Arthur: I already miss the days when she was a cute little baby.

D.W.: (gets into a heated argument with Arthur) No, you don't!

Arthur: Do too!

D.W.: You didn't even like Kate when she was a little baby!

Arthur: Did too!

D.W.: (annoyed) Uh-huh, sure. I remember exactly what happened...

---

(Arthur and D.W. are having a grape-eating contest to see which one will eat the last grape.)

Arthur: Let go, D.W.!

D.W.: No, you let go!

Arthur: You already ate more than me!

D.W.: I needed more than you. You're only bigger than me because you're full of so much food!

(The last grape lands into D.W.'s mouth.)

Arthur: (pissed off) You know how the world could be perfect? Remove all little sisters! That's my idea of perfect!

D.W.: (swallows the grape) Delicious!

Arthur's Dad: Arthur! D.W.! We have a surprise for you.

Arthur: Is it a new bicycle?

Arthur's Mom: No!

D.W.: Is Arthur moving out?

Arthur's Mom: No!

Arthur and D.W.: What is it? What is it?

Arthur's Mom: We're going to have a baby!

D.W.: (excited) A baby!

Arthur: (surprised) A baby?

D.W.: A baby! Yahoo! Baby, baby, baby, baby! Yay, baby!

Arthur's Dad: It will be about six months before the baby comes. Plenty of time to get ready.

---

(At the gym, Binky and Arthur are fighting, but Arthur loses.)

Binky: You better buy some earplugs. Babies never stop crying! (evilly begins to laugh, and the imagination scene fades in, where the new baby is crying.)

Arthur: Pass the salt, please.

Arthur's Mom: What?

Arthur: (loudly) I said, pass the salt!

(A firetruck passes by the Read house. We see the firefighters plug their ears.)

Binky: So you can forget about sleeping! (laughs)

(Later, he and his friends are at the pool.)

Muffy: Poor Arthur. In a few months, he'll be changing all those dirty diapers! (plugs her nose before jumping into the pool, causing the screen to be splashed by water effects)

---

Buster: (pretends that Arthur is being protected by the baby's dirty diapers.) This should protect you from those smelly diapers!

Arthur: (muffled) Yeah, I can't smell anything!

Buster: Great!

Arthur: (muffled) But I can't breathe!

Buster: *gasps* Whoa!! *loud crash* (tries to pull the shoe off of Arthur's mouth, and as this happens, Arthur gasps for breath and Buster accidentally crashes through some of Arthur's parents' things.)

---

(At the mall, Arthur and Buster see some babies in strollers, which gets him confused.)

Arthur: What's the big deal with babies? They don't even do anything!

Buster: Maybe you can teach your baby to do something useful, like earn money for you.

(In Arthur's imagination, he imagines he is a magician.)

Arthur: Presenting the Amazing Baby!

(The audience is thrilled by the Amazing Baby, and they give their money to Arthur the magician.)

Arthur: Thank you! Thank you!

(In the second imagination, Arthur pretends he has a smart baby who does his homework for him.)

Buster (V.O.): Or do your homework.

Arthur: And when you're done with math, don't forget to write my report on Magellan!

​(Now Arthur and Buster are in the treehouse while the imagination fades out.)

Arthur: *sighs* If only life were like that.

Buster (V.O.): Pretty soon, you can forget about playing after school; you'll have to babysit! (laughs)

Arthur: (in disappointment) Yeah.

Francine: And you'll start talking baby talk. All the time!

(Arthur and his friends are playing football and he trips to other side of the team and falls.)

Coach: Great catch, Read! You okay?

Arthur: (in baby talk) Got an ouchy boo-boo!

(Everyone on the football team, including their coach, starts laughing out loud.)

Francine: Oh, Arthur talks like a baby!

Binky: (holding his nose) And you smell like diapers, too!

---

(That night, Arthur is in bed having a nightmare, then his mom comes in and startles him.)

Arthur: (screams)

Arthur's Mom: Everything okay, honey? You were tossing and turning!

Arthur: Um, I--I was... having a dream.

Arthur's Mom: I guess you must be excited as I am about the baby coming.

Arthur: Yeah! It's all I think about!

---

(At the park, Arthur and his friend Buster are flying kites together when they see three cooing babies in their strollers.)

Arthur: I guess I'm ready for that baby now. I've thought of everything!

Buster: What if your mom has more than one?

---

(In Arthur's imagination, he dreams that he has more than one baby, which makes him scream. Meanwhile, at home, Doctor D.W. asks him if he wants to pretend to change a baby's diaper.)

D.W.: Arthur! Come over here and I'll show you how to diaper a baby!

Arthur: (screams at D.W.) Oh no, no! Get that diaper off my Bionic Bunny right now! And stop trying to turn everything into a baby!

Arthur's Mom: Forget the diapers, come over here. I want to show you two something. You were a baby once, too, you know! (turns on the TV and plays a video of when Arthur was a baby.)

Arthur (V.O.): Is that me?

Arthur's Mom: (on TV) Come on, dear! Ohhh!

Arthur's Mom: Yes, you were such a cute baby.

D.W.: Yeah, what went wrong?

(Arthur's Mom now puts on a video of when D.W. was a baby with lots of crying.)

D.W.: That's me?! Don't I look adorable? And I bet the new baby's going to be just like me!

Arthur: (cringes) That's what I'm afraid of.

---

(Now, Arthur's mom is now preparing her trip to the hospital to have a baby, and she is gathering all her stuff.)

Arthur: (confused) What are you doing?

Arthur's Mom: I have to be ready to go to the hospital at anytime now!

D.W. (V.O.): Here's something to look at while you're in the hospital to help you make another perfect kid.

Arthur's Mom: (giggles) I'll pack that with my other things.

---

(The next morning, Arthur and D.W. are riding down the stairs and D.W. thought she won and she laughs.)

D.W.: I win! I win!

Arthur: Did not, it was a tie!

D.W.: *laughs*

Arthur: *grunts in frustration* Huh??!!

(Arthur is really surprised to see that Grandma Thora is in the house making pancakes, which makes him confused.)

Grandma Thora: Who wants blueberry pancakes?

D.W.: Grandma Thora, you're in the wrong house!

Arthur: Where are Mom and Dad, Grandma?

Grandma Thora: They're at the hospital. You both have a new baby sister!

D.W.: A sister! My sister! She'll be just like me! Yahoo!

Arthur: Oh, brother.

D.W.: Oh, sister! Yay!

Arthur: (weakly) Yahoo....

---

(At the hospital, D.W. and Arthur's dad look and see which baby is theirs. Arthur's dad finds her.)

D.W. (V.O.): Which one is my sister, daddy?

Arthur's Dad: That's her, and her name is Kate.

(Kate starts crying. This makes Arthur confused.)

D.W. (V.O.): She's got your nose, Arthur!

Arthur: And your mouth.

---

(Kate arrives home. D.W. is very excited, but Arthur's mom tells her to be quiet because Kate is sleeping.)

D.W. (V.O.): She's here! My sister's here! Let me see! Let me see! Let me see!!

Arthur's Mom: Shhh! She's sleeping.

D.W. (V.O.): Ohhhhh...

---

(That afternoon, Arthur's dad decides to record a video of Kate.)

Arthur: She's kinda cute.

Arthur's Mom: Arthur, would you like to hold Kate?

(When Arthur holds Kate, she starts crying.)

Arthur: MOM!!! MOM!!!!

D.W.: Can I hold her? Can I hold her? She doesn't cry when I hold her.

---

(That night, Arthur gets near Kate, which accidentally makes her cry.)

Arthur: Hi, Kate! I'm your big brother.

---

(At school, Francine doesn't understand why Kate cries when Arthur accidentally gets near her.)

Francine: What do you mean, she hates you?

Arthur: She cries every time I get near her.

Francine: She's a baby! Babies cry.

Arthur (V.O.): D.W. doesn't make her cry. Just me!

---

(Then on Wednesday afternoon, his mother wants him to babysit Kate while she is gone.)

Arthur's Mom: Arthur, could you watch Kate while I go upstairs?

Arthur: Uh, are you sure?

Arthur's Mom: Ohh, I'm sure you'll do just fine!

Arthur (V.O.): Here, y-you dropped this.

D.W.: (angry) ARTHUR!!! WAS THAT ON THE FLOOR?! IT HAS TO BE "STERIBILIZED"!!

(Kate cries, and D.W. asks Arthur to hold the pacifier while she gets something from her nurse bag.)

D.W.: Hold this. (opens the bag, but things fall on the floor) Darn! (grabs the tissue) Don't worry, I'll take care of everything! (wipes the pacifier with her tissue, blows on it, rubs it on her nurse outfit, and puts it back in Kate's mouth. Then Kate stops crying and falls asleep when the pacifier is in her mouth. Afterwards, the doorbell rings.) I'll get it!

(Buster and Francine are at the front door and D.W. answers it.)

D.W.: Hi!

Buster: Can Arthur come out?

D.W.: No, he's babysitting. Would you like to come in and see my baby?

Buster and Francine: Yeah! Sure!

(When Buster and Francine are in the house, they awe at the way Kate is when she's sleeping.)

D.W.: Don't get too close, because you have germs!

Francine: What a cute baby! She looks just like me when I was a baby!

(Kate squirms, spits out her pacifier, and starts crying again.)

D.W.: Everybody stand back! I know what she wants! (She then grabs the baby bottle out of her nurse bag and tries giving it to Kate. She jolts her head back and forth, then cries again. D.W. then gives the bottle to Francine.) Everyone remain calm!

Francine: Arthur, aren't you going to help?

Arthur: No, I'll only make it worse!

D.W.: I know exactly what to do! Arthur, hold her while I get a clean diaper!

Buster: Come on, Kate! (makes mouth noises, but Kate continues crying)

Arthur: (holding Kate and patting her) I wonder what she's trying to tell us! (Kate then burps and sighs. She then falls asleep right on Arthur's shoulders)

Francine and Buster: Awww......

Arthur's Mom: Is everything alright? (D.W. is shocked to see that Arthur calmed Kate down.)

Arthur: It is now.

Buster: Arthur burped the baby right when she was about to explode! (Kate then kisses Arthur, but Buster thinks she's spitting on him) Oh, gross! She's spitting on him!

Francine: She is not! She's kissing him!

(Arthur's Mom, Francine and Buster are all in awe. Then D.W. enters the living room, proud of what Arthur has done.)

D.W.'s Baby [1.11b]

Arthur: And now it's Kate's very first birthday. (D.W. secretly films Arthur) Cut it out! Mom, D.W.'s wrecking the video!!!

---

(Baby Kate is being changed)

D.W: P.U.! It smells like a zoo in here! (D.W. runs to the window for some fresh air)

Jane: D.W., close that! The baby will be in a draft.

(D.W. looks down and notices her doll. She picks the doll up by her legs.)

D.W.: (holding her nose) Eww! My doll smells like stinky diapers!

---

David: Oh! How did my new shoes get in the laundry basket?

D.W.: Kate did it! I saw her.

David: D.W., go to your room and think about what you just told me! I'll be up in a minute to discuss it with you!

Arthur Writes a Story [1.12a]

Arthur: I can't do it! [all shush at Arthur] AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

---

Binky: Did this really happen?

Arthur: Well, sort of. It started out as a story of how I got my dog.

Mr. Ratburn: It did?

Arthur: Yeah, but I thought it might be too boring.

Mr. Ratburn: I'd like to hear that story. Don't worry about what you think people want to hear. Just tell your story the way it means the most to you.

Arthur the Wrecker [1.14a]

D.W.: Mom? [sing-song voice] Arthur broke the window!

---

[Arthur and Buster are in the computer den]

Buster: Couldn't you just show it to me for one second?

Arthur: I guess. Mom would never even know. [they start playing "Deep Dark Sea"]

D.W: Arthur, what are you doing? Mom told you not to play on her computer.

Arthur: We're not playing. I'm just showing it to Buster. Go somewhere else!

D. W: If I go away, I'll probably tell Daddy. Besides, I want to watch.

Arthur: Okay, you can watch, but be quiet.

Buster: Wow! Even the Brain didn't get this far.

D. W: What's that?

Arthur: I don't know.

Buster: Go to it. Maybe it's the thing.

D. W: A treasure chest!

Buster: I think that's it. That's...

Arthur and Buster: The thing!

Arthur: I think I won. We've got to open it!

[Arthur and Buster both grab at the mouse, then Buster accidentally knocks the keyboard off the desk along with the mouse which crash to the floor. Arthur, Buster and D.W. gasp in horror and the computer starts buzzing as the CRT monitor starts to flicker in waves, the screen goes nearly black with a dot in the middle, the screen appears again, and then wipes away completely]

Buster: You wrecked it!

Arthur: No, I didn't. You knocked the keyboard off the desk.

Buster: Because you pushed my arm. Try turning it off and on again. [Arthur presses the top button below the slot, but nothing seems to budge]

D. W: You killed it! Now Mommy will lose her job. Then we'll lose the house, and live in the street, and Kate will get pneumonia, and we'll all starve!

Arthur: D. W., be quiet! I'm thinking.

D. W: And it's all your fault! So you better fix it, because I like living here! [Buster grabs onto the computer tensely]

Arthur: Don't do that! You'll make it worse.

Buster: Maybe you better call your mom.

Arthur: I can't. She said not to play with it. But now I wrecked it! I've got it. Maybe we could fix it before she gets home.

D. W: Maybe a rich family will adopt me. I'm cute.

Buster: Who'd know how to fix a computer?

Arthur and Buster: [enthusiastically] The Brain!

---

Jane: Bad Arthur, bad boy!

Arthur's Family Vacation [1.15a]

D.W.: [sings] Guess what, Arthur? You can't go to camp! You can't go to camp! We're going on vacation. We're going on vacation. We're going on vacation.

Grandpa Dave's Old Country Farm [1.15b]

Dave: Okay, kids. Leave those dishes on the table. We're going to the fair!

Arthur: The fair! Alright! Let's go!

D.W.: Hmm-hmm!

Arthur: Oops. Um, Grandpa, the fair sure would be fun, but...

Dave: Like what? Are you feeling sick?

Arthur: No, I'm fine, but we can't go to the fair. We have to stay home today and build the hen-house.

Dave: Horsefeathers. I can't make you two stay here and work, or what'll I tell your folks. And besides, this farm has been in our family for a hundred and fifty...

D.W.: Grandpa! We are your family!

Dave: Oh, well, you have a point there. I guess I could use a couple of... assistants... for a while.

D.W. Flips [1.16b]

D.W.: [Long pause; to the Tibbles touching Emily] Hey! Leave her alone!

Arthur, World's Greatest Gleeper [1.17b]

Muffy: There he is! Arrest him! Arrest him and make him give it back! Lock him up and throw away the key!

Arthur: Huh?

Mr. Haney: Now, now, Muffy, calm down.

Mrs. MacGrady: What in Nirvana is going on?

Muffy: Arthur stole my cellular phone!

Arthur: What?? Why would I? I did not!

Muffy: Did too, Arthur! Everybody knows you're the biggest gleeper in school.

Mr. Haney: Biggest what?

Mrs. MacGrady: Gleeper. Someone who steals.

Muffy: Make him give it back, Mr. Haney! Torture him till he confesses! Send him up the river for life! He's a menace to society! Take away his TV privileges! Shave his head! Make him eat... Oh. Excuse me. Hello, Muffy here. Oh, hi, Mommy. Yes, I did remember to tell Mr. Haney about my manicure appointment Friday.

Mr. Haney: Arthur, could I see you in my office? Make yourself comfortable. I was rather upset when Muffy called you the biggest beeper... beeper, yes? In school. Lollipop?

Arthur: No thank you, sir.

Mr. Haney: Now, I wouldn't want to take hearsay too seriously. If we believed everything we heard, we'd probably still think the world was full of monsters and sea serpents. And people would be afraid to go swimming, which would be a shame, since swimming is a perfectly good form of exercise. I do it myself, in fact. But bleeping, now that's something very serious, indeed. And if you have anything to do with it, I warn you to stop immediately because you will get caught. Then you'll be in deep trouble.

Arthur: Yes, sir.

Mr. Haney: Did I say that right? Bleeping? Blurping?

Arthur: Gleeping, sir.

Mr. Haney: Gleeping, of course. Now, run along, Arthur. You'll be late for class.

---

Molly: So? What'd he do to you?

Arthur: Well, nothing. He just warned me.

Molly: All right! Did you tell him where to get off?

Rattles: You old con-artist. I bet you had him going in circles.

Arthur: Listen, you guys, there's something I have to tell you.

Binky: I bet he sold out on us! I bet he told them everything he knew about us, otherwise how come Mr. Haney didn't punish him?

Molly: Arthur, you didn't... Did you?

Arthur: Didn't what? I mean, no!

Rattles: Why, you little cheat! You little squealer! Why, I oughta...

Arthur: But I didn't! I didn't! Ow, stop it!

Binky: Okay, so if you didn't, why don't you prove it. Prove you really are our chief gleeper.

Arthur: How?

Binky: Gleep all the ice cream bars from the cafeteria.

---

Rattles: You big liar! You lie! You're just a lie-y liar! You big lying lie-face!

Binky: Well, I hope you've learned your lesson, Arthur, which is, namely, never to lie because when you lie, you... well, you're doing a very, very bad thing.

Francine: Hi, Arthur. I wanted to tell you, I'm glad you told the truth.

Buster: Hey, anybody wanna play kickball?

Rattles: Yeah, sure! Come on, Binky!

Francine: Come on, Arthur. I'm not mad at you anymore.

Arthur's Chicken Pox [1.18a]

Arthur & D.W.: [Jane turns off the TV with the TV remote] MOM!!!

Arthur: We were right in the middle!

D.W: 5 more minutes?

Arthur: It was just getting to the good part!

D.W.: Oh, Mom! Why do I have to eat at the table?

Mrs. Read: Because you're not sick.

D.W.: Ech! Spinach?! How come Arthur doesn't have to eat spinach?

Mr. and Mrs. Read: Because he's sick.

D.W.: He's not! He's faking.

---

D.W.: Hurry up! I'm next.

Arthur: I don't feel so well.

D.W.: Go on, faker.

Mrs. Read: What is it?

Mr. Read: What's wrong?

D.W.: Arthur has polka dots!

Arthur: What's wrong with me?

Mr. Read: It's chicken pox.

D.W.: Do you get it from chickens?

Mr. Read: No, it's just a normal childhood illness. I had it, your mom had it.

Mrs. Read: I'll call Grandma Thora and see if she can come over while we're at work. She knows all about chicken pox.

D.W.: Does this mean Arthur can't go to the circus?

Mrs. Read: Well, we'll have to see.

Arthur: WHAT?!

Mrs. Read: I'm sorry, honey, but chicken pox is very contagious.

D.W.: Looks like you're not going anywhere for a while. Don't worry. I'll take good care of you.

---

D.W.: Daddy, it's not fair! How come Arthur gets chicken pox and I don't?

Mr. Read: Honey, you're lucky you're not sick. Chicken pox is no fun.

D.W.: Yes, it is! It's more fun than anything!

Mr. Read: More fun than the circus? More fun than elephants and cotton candy and ice cream?

D.W.: Of course!

Mr. Read: Well, you have till tomorrow to decide. If you don't want to go, you can stay home with Arthur.

Sick as a Dog [1.18b]

D.W.: Want to hear a good joke? Knock-knock... (Pal grabs the hotdog and pulls her off her chair.) Hey! The dog stole my wiener! The dog stole my wiener!

David: Arthur, tell Pal to let go!

Arthur: Pal, let go!? [Pal drags D.W. through the kitchen.]

D.W.: It's mine It's mine!

Arthur: Pal, sit! Heel! Stay, lied down! Um... Roll over!! [Pal has got D.W.'s hot dog and as he runs around the kitchen, he pulls D.W. with him]

D.W. Read: Give it back! I don't eat your dog food, do I?! [Pal pulls her under the table. Oof. They play tug-of-war.] Grr! I'll never let go! Never! Ow! [Pal pulls the hotdog out of the bun and she falls backwards, after Pal managed to get D.W.'s wiener and ate it] Someday, I'm gonna teach that dog a lesson he won't forget!?

---

Arthur: How do you make him sick?!

Arthur Makes the Team [1.19b]

Oliver: Hey, hey, hey!? Knock it off!!!! [Long pauses out; Arthur's gone] Where Arthur go?

Arthur's Almost Boring Day [1.20a]

Francine: [singing] It's raining, it's pouring
The old man is snoring. [Oliver snores] And it's driving me nuts!

---

D.W.: You're doing it wrong!

Arthur: I am not! I am not! I am not!

Mrs. Read: What's going on, you two?

D.W.: Arthur's ruining the game. He's not playing right.

Arthur: I am so! I roll the dice, I move around the board.

D.W.: But you're supposed to be having fun. Look at the little boy on the box!

Arthur: That little boy is not playing with you.

Mrs. Read: Arthur, is there another game you can play?

D.W.: Yes. I'll go set it up.

Arthur: Mom. Dad. I can't write a report that I played Confuse the Goose. Everyone will laugh at me.

Mr. Read: Why don't you read a book to D.W.?

Mrs. Read: Yes, that should be quiet... eh, fun.

Arthur: Mom and Dad said I don't have to play that. But I'll read to you.

D.W.: Mom! Arthur said you said he didn't have to play with me!

Buster: I don't know what you can do, Arthur.

Arthur: Everything around here is too boring to be in a report.

D.W.: I'm ready! Hm-hm! Hm-hm! Hm-hm!

Buster [on phone]: Just watch wrestling until the rain stops. How long can it rain for?

Weatherman [on TV]: This system is very similar to a monsoon during which it rains nonstop for an entire month.

Buster [on phone]: Arthur? Are you still there?

D.W.: Like it would be so hard to play one game of Confuse the Goose with your adorable sister.

Arthur: "Once upon a time..."

D.W.: Let me guess. They lived happily ever after, right?

Arthur: Right.

D.W.: I knew it. Boooring!

---

Mr. Read: Everybody, freeze!!

D.W.: Arthur's trying to bite my nose.

Mr. Read: Is that any way to treat a book?!

Arthur: No. No, but she... she didn't want me reading to her!

Mrs. Read: Why don't you draw?

D.W.: What did you draw?

Arthur: A dog, and he's bored. What did you draw?

D.W.: A stick.

Arthur: A stick?

D.W.: A stick from the park where you promised to take me today!!

Arthur: I never promised you anything!

D.W.: You did too!

Arthur: I did not!

Mrs. Read: We're never gonna get anything done.

D.W.: You did too!

Arthur: I did not!

Mr. Read: Have fun at Grandma's.

D.W.: It's raining! We'll die out here!

Arthur: Come on! If you'd behaved, we'd still be dry!

D.W.: Me?! I didn't do anything! I'm the cute one! You're annoying!

Arthur: Oh, great! Now I get to write a really exciting report about visiting my grandma! "I went to my grandma's. She's nice. The end." I'm doomed!

The Half-Baked Sale [1.20b]

Arthur: DW, leave Pal alone.

D.W.'s Snow Mystery [1.22a]

D.W.: You wanna know what's missing? You wanna know what's missing?!

All: Yes! [Their toothpick tower collapses] Aw, not again.

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Jane: Hold it, young lady, the snowball doesn't belonged in the house.

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Francine: We weren't there when Arthur did it!

Arthur: I didn't do it!

D.W.: Somebody did it. I want a confession. Confess! Confess!

Buster: I've reached a conclusion by discerning the truth from the eyewitness accounts. It's very simple. While we were busy, a space alien materialized. In a scientific search for samples of human food, he took the snowball and nothing else, because he left in a hurry.

Mr. Read: Huh?! Now who left that freezer door open?

Buster: It's the only logical answer. That's why the plate is missing also.

Francine: That's crazy!

D.W.: One of you took my snowball!

Francine: Why don't you just confess, Buster?

Arthur: Yeah!

Buster: Me? Why don't you?!

Francine: It was probably Arthur.

Arthur: Me? How could you think I would do something like that?

Mrs. Read: Whoever did it should just admit it. It's not nice to do this to a little girl.

D.W.: I think you're all in on it. You're trying to break a child's heart. It's a conspiracy!

Grandma Thora: You know, someone's going to get their feelings hurt if everyone doesn't calm down.

Team Trouble [1.22b]

Mr. Ratburn: The Great Wall of China is 1500 miles long. It was built over 2000 years ago and still stands today.

Arthur: Wow.

Buster: [whispers] That's even older than the cafeteria hot dogs.

Mr. Ratburn: Ahem! He shows the next slide. The Appian Way was the chief highway from Rome to Greece. It was built in 312 B.C. It's still in use today. He switches the lights back on. We’re going to divide into teams to study and report on important ancient civilizations. The team to report on Rome: Arthur, Francine and Buster.

[Arthur and Buster shake hands, then Francine and Buster.]

Arthur: Great team!

Francine: Oh, boy!

Buster: Great!

Arthur's Tooth [1.24a]

Francine: Baby.

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Francine: Does anyone have a bib for the baby?

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Francine: Well, if it isn't Arthur the baby!

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Arthur: Okay. But if you ask me, now you're being a baby.

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Buster: Arthur's right, Francine.

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I'm a Poet [1.28a]

Fern: (loudly) Quiet! [mini pauses; birds flaps the wings noises with a car alarm goes off] I bet that none of you can write a poem and finish it in time to submit it to the poetry contest.

My Club Rules [1.29a]

Muffy: Rules, rules, rules. You're out! Get off my property, or I'm calling the police!

Stolen Bike [1.29b]

Laverne: I'm sorry, honey. But we can't afford to get you a new bike. Maybe next year.

Francine: It's not fair! I'll die without a bike. [puts her head down on the table]

Oliver: No! Not that! Anything but that! You mustn't give up, honey! Be brave! Live, I say! LIVE!

Catherine: [walks out of the room] Oh, Dad. Grow up!

Oliver: [calmly] Catherine's right. And besides, I have an idea.