Attila the Stockbroker

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Attila the Stockbroker

Attila the Stockbroker (born John Baine on October 21, 1957) is a punk performance poet, songwriter and musician.


  • It first was a rumour dismissed as a lie
    but then came the evidence none could deny:
    a double page spread in the Sunday Express —
    The Russians are running the DHSS!
    • "Russians in the DHSS", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
    • DHSS = Department of Health and Social Security, a British government department.
  • Hitching up the M11
    coming back from a Dexys gig
    got picked up 'bout half eleven
    by this bloke in a funny wig
    • "Contributory Negligence", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
    • Written for a judge who said a raped woman hitchhiker had been guilty of "contributory negligence". In the poem, Attila hitches a lift with a judge, attacks him and uses the ruling in his defence.
  • He wanted me to beat him up!
    It was an open invitation!
    Late at night he picked me up —
    an act of open provocation!
    • "Contributory Negligence", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
  • A five pence fine is right and proper —
    and to sum up my defence
    it was his fault he came a cropper:
    • "Contributory Negligence", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
  • I don't want a fortnight on the Costa del Sol
    Don't wanna go to Bognor — it's a plague-ridden hole
    and it don't fit in with my ideology...
    Down the Adriatic to the Vlora bay
    Twenty pints of Fosters and I'm away
    'Cos now I know just where I wanna be:
    Albania — that's the place for me!
    • "Holiday in Albania", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
    • Based on the Sex Pistols song, "Holiday in the Sun".
  • No agony, no ecstacy, no pleasure and no pain —
    so exquisitely uninteresting you drive your wife insane
    The TV is your oracle, the newspapers your guide
    and your shiny little vehicle is your passion and your pride
    You've done the same things every day for nigh on forty years
    and in your ludicrous routines you hide your worthless fears
    On the blandest boat in Boredom you are captain of the crew
    and every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you.
    • "Every Time I Eat Vegetables...", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
  • My wardrobe is like a garden
    oh, I don't know how I've got the gall!
    my wardrobe is just like a wardrobe —
    it's not like a garden at all!
    • "My Wardrobe", from Cautionary Tales for Dead Commuters (1985)
  • I am one of a team
    of Iraqi weapons inspectors
    currently travelling through the United Kingdom
    under very difficult conditions
    searching for weapons of mass distraction.
  • And the Lord Rupert looked at his work, and even he saw that it was a load of crap, but this was the enterprise culture and it sold millions so it was good. And on the same basis he decided to take over the television too, and the earth itself wept, and little robins vomited, and cuddly furry animals threw themselves under trains, and the whole thing was filmed by Sky Channel for a horror nature programme, and the most awful thing of all was that this was just the beginning.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: