Bad Boys (1995 film)

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Bad Boys is a 1995 action comedy film, directed by Michael Bay, produced by Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer and starring Martin Lawrence and Will Smith. The film also spawned a sequel in 2003, Bad Boys II.

Det. Marcus Burnett[edit]

  • You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.
  • This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up.
  • Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now?! That means this shit is serious. That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means.
  • You forgot your boarding pass.
  • Mike, go down and you can have a Coke and a smile.
  • Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?
  • [to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out!
  • He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down!

Det. Mike Lowrey[edit]

  • You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.
  • King Dingaling.
  • I don't know why you going home to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't even work.
  • [on Captain Howard and Captain Sinclair, having another vicious argument] They should just bone and get that shit over with.
  • My shit always works sometimes!
  • Now that's how you supposed to drive! From now on, that's how you drive!
  • Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car?!

Other Characters[edit]

Captain Howard: Ho, what did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it.
Casper: Jesus. Could you use a smaller gun? You got blood on me again.
Store Clerk: Freeze mother bitches!
Ferguson: Watch your fucking mouth.
Julie Mott: :[handcuffed to a steering wheel] Hi Julie, what have you been up to the last couple of days?" Oh nothing, just hangin' out, handcuffed to steering wheels.

Dialogue[edit]

[Marcus Burnett and Mike Lowrey walk into a basketball court to meet up with Captain Howard over last night's incident, where Howard is seen shooting the basketball badly by himself.]
Captain Howard: Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.
Marcus Burnett: Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.
Captain Howard: You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!
Marcus Burnett: Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.
Captain Howard: [Shoots the ball] Going, it's going...[Missed shot] Shit. A little off.
Mike Lowrey: I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.
Captain Howard: Hey, do you want me to yell at you? 'Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!
Mike Lowrey: Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?
Captain Howard: [Missed another shot] I was getting them all in before you showed up.
Mike Lowrey: Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?
Marcus Burnett: Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.
Captain Howard: So where's the girl now?
Marcus Burnett: [Points to Mike] ...His place.
Mike Lowrey: What!?
Captain Howard: You left her by herself? Our only fucking witness?!
Mike Lowrey: You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!
Marcus Burnett: The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.
Mike Lowrey: Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.
Marcus Burnett: [Talking over Mike] I said she isn't a hooker. Can you please—
Mike Lowrey: [Talking over Marcus] Respect my stuff—
Captain Howard: Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then[to Marcus] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—
Marcus Burnett: [Talking over Howard] But I—
Captain Howard: [Talking over Marcus] You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! [to Mike] And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. [to Marcus] You're him! [to Mike] You're you! [Takes another shot and misses] Fuck!
Mike Lowrey: Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?
Captain Howard: Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.
Marcus Burnett: Captain! What kind of plan is that? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!
Captain Howard: You don't like your job? Quit. [Missed another shot] Damn!
Mike Lowrey: Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.
Marcus Burnett: Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.
Mike Lowrey: Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy. [Picks up a basketball]
Marcus Burnett: Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
Mike Lowrey: [in position to shoot] Let's go, I got this.
Captain Howard: Go.
[Mike's shot went in, nothing but net]
Mike Lowrey: [Posing] Everybody wants to be like Mike. [Walks off from the court]
Captain Howard: Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him, too.
Marcus Burnett: [Walks off from the court] I'd have dunked it on your ass...

Mike Lowrey: What the hell are you doin'?
Marcus Burnett: Keepin' my shit quick.
Mike Lowrey: Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.

Mike Lowrey: Hello?
Marcus Burnett: We're your new neighbors.
Mike Lowrey: Don't be alarmed, we're Negros.
Marcus Burnett: Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them. [In high pitched voice] We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar?

[Mike, Marcus, and Julie start arguing, nobody paying attention to his gun; Julie just walks out]
Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!
[as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head]
Mike Lowrey: You freeze, bitch!
Store Clerk: Oh, shit! I'm fucked.
Mike Lowrey: Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus Burnett: And some Skittles.

Marcus Burnett: Hey, man, where-where-where's your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f—? What you mean you don't have one? $80,000 for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. 0 to 60 in 4 seconds, sweetie. This is a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.

[Marcus, eating a sandwich, sits with Julie at a computer desk as they flip through the mugshots]
Julie Mott: [Half-tired] No...no...no...
Marcus Burnett: [Notices Julie staring at his sandwich] Want some?
Julie Mott: No, thanks. I don't eat flesh.
Marcus Burnett: Say what?
Julie Mott: That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.
Marcus Burnett: It's just bologna. My bologna has a first name?
Julie Mott: Actually, your bologna, has about thirty names because they take odd parts from all different ones, like the leftovers: The hooves and stomach lining...
[Marcus starts to feel grossed out as Julie explains]
Julie Mott: ...ears, stuff like that. They put it into this machine and grind it all up. Then out comes this sheet. That's what you're eating now.
Marcus Burnett: [Loss of appetite] You know what? I won't eat bologna no more. How about a pickle? Can I eat the pickle?
Julie Mott: It has a lot of salt in it, but it's fine. It is a vegetable.
Marcus Burnett: A lot of salt in the pickle? Let me rinse it off.
[Washes the pickle in the soda]
Marcus Burnett: There we go. [Takes a bite out of the rinsed pickle] How's that?
Julie Mott: [To the mugshots] Just keep going.
Marcus Burnett: I don't even taste the salt now.

Mike Lowrey: You know what man? I'm so sick of this bullshit. What, I'm supposed to apologize for my family leaving me money? All I ever wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck everybody that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.
Marcus Burnett: I love you, man.
Mike Lowrey: Fuck you, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett: I do. You're cool. You're my boy.
Mike Lowrey: Shut up, shut up, Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin' like a bitch. Slow-ass.
Marcus Burnett: Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this fuckin' cliff if you keep fuckin' with me. Then it'll be, what, two bitches in the sea? Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?
Mike Lowrey: Shut up, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett: My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.

Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Mike] I blow you! [points gun at Marcus] And I blow you!
Marcus Burnett: Blow me? What the fuck? Naw-naw. Hump me, all right?

Mike Lowrey: [to the White Carjacker holding a gun to his head] Let me tell you how bad a day you're having: right now you're jacking a couple of cops.
White Carjacker: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I suck! That's why I need your car.
Marcus Burnett: Look, now I ain't no Wesley Snipes! I just hang out with stupid ass friends, that drive stupid ass cars, that attract a lot of mother fuckin' attention!
Mike Lowrey: You know what, I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy ass head that's what I need to do.
Marcus Burnett: Well, you know what you're arguin' over a mother fuckin' french fry.
Mike Lowrey: It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!
White Carjacker: Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
Black Carjacker: Shut the fuck up!
Marcus Burnett: [to Black Carjacker] Hold the fuck on! [to Mike] You want some bad enough, come get some!
[Marcus suddenly throws coke in the Black Carjacker's face and kicks him in the crotch, while Mike punches the White Carjacker in the face]
Marcus Burnett: [Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground] You like that shit? Wesley Snipes, "Passenger 57"! Now gimme a motherfuckin' Handy Wipe!
Mike Lowrey: [Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground] Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.

Marcus Burnett: Oh, man, that was cold.
Detective Sanchez: Yeah, so was your mama's bed.

Fouchet: I like it when a woman takes pride in her appearance. Don't you?
Casper: Yeah, I hate it when a bitch lets herself slide.

Marcus Burnett: [while pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.
Mike Lowrey: Yo man, what the fuck are you doing?
Marcus Burnett: Getting it out the way.

Theresa Burnett: And you don't even have your wedding ring on. [Slams bedroom door shut]
Marcus Burnett: Damn. Um. Naw Naw I went undercover. And it uh required the taking off of the ring that's all for a second. But I got the ring, look I just put my hand in my pocket 'cos that's where it was and it's right back on baby. [sighs] Damn. Can I get a pillow?

Marcus Burnett: [trying to imitate Mike] Hello, this is Mike Low-rey.
Captain Howard: He doesn't talk that way. Try to talk like him, like him! Try to talk sexy. Sexy, you don't talk sexy enough!
Marcus Burnett: Cap, Cap! I've been there.

Marcus Burnett: You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.
Mike Lowrey: Who picked this dumb-ass road?! All the goddamn road in Miami, you run out of it!
Marcus Burnett: You better come up with an idea fast!
Mike Lowrey: Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?!

Julie Mott: Can I help you?
Theresa Burnett: Yes, I'm here to kill my husband, Marcus Burnett.
Julie Mott: Uh-huh, and that'd be the tall one or the short one?
Theresa Burnett: The short one.
Julie Mott: I thought so.

[Driving the "ice-cream truck"]
Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?
Mike Lowrey: Just drive!
Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?!
Julie Mott: [Sees barrels hanging in the back of the van. Reads the label] Ether. Extremely flammable ether. Oh, shit!
Mike Lowrey: Goddamn.
Marcus Burnett: Oh, you-you-you-you da man. Oh you're the fuckin' man tonight! How'd you go and pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb!

Mike Lowrey: Hey-hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, Okay? Don't deny me this.
Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.

Theresa Burnett: Oh-oh. Don't kiss me, Mike. I don't know where your lips were last night. Move.
Quincy Burnett: Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?
Mike Lowrey: Whoo-oo, did I! Let me tell you, this girl was—
Theresa Burnett: Hey-hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
Marcus Burnett: Hey.
Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.
Marcus Burnett: Why are you doing this to me, man? I'm with my babies. Okay? Thank you.

Stake-out crook: Watching the place was my first gig.
Detective Sanchez: Oh, so does that make you union?

Marcus Burnett: [to Mike] I'm not understanding, I-I really don't.
Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Marcus] Shut up!
Marcus Burnett: I mean, do you just attract violence?

[Cell phone rings, Casper answers it]
Casper: Hello.
Mike Lowrey: Yeah, can I speak to Romeo?
Casper: No, there ain't no Romeo here, asshole.
[Ferguson laughs]
Casper: [to Ferguson] What the fuck are you laughing at?

Ferguson: [as Julie reaches into her bra for a hidden handcuff key] What you got an itch? I'd love to scratch it.
Julie Mott: [gives Ferguson the finger] Scratch this, okay?
Ferguson: I'll scratch anything you want me to you blue-eyed bitch!
Julie Mott: Did you go to college?

Mike Lowrey: [to store clerk, who is pointing a gun at Mike] I'm gonna reach for my badge, ok?
Store Clerk: Badges? Do you want badges, mother bitch?! I give you badges! 99 cents each. [throws some badges at Mike] I sell you some.

[Marcus walks in to the car shop to see Jojo, the tire man, assessing security]
Marcus Burnett: Jojo~! [Jojo sees Marcus and immediately takes off, pursued by Marcus] Aw, don't make this hard, Jo!
[Jojo runs into an alley only to be tackled from the side by Mike Lowrey]
Mike Lowrey: Nice running into you, Jojo.
Marcus Burnett: Always making it hard on your self, Jojo.
[Meanwhile outside, in an undercover vehicle, Julie Mott is sitting by herself with her hand cuffed to the steering wheel]
Julie Mott: [Talking to herself] Gee, Julie, what have you been up to the last couple days? Nothing. Just hanging out, handcuffed to steering wheels...
[Inside of the car shop...]
Marcus Burnett: We're looking for someone who can step on a shit load of heroin. Do it real fast, real well. We're looking for a real pro.
Jojo: I told you already, I'm in the rubber business now.
Marcus Burnett: Jojo...we're not playing, man.
Jojo: I'm telling you, I'm straight, man. I'm straight like a board, like an arrow. I'm so straight right now, I'm sick.
Marcus Burnett: It's a lot of dope. Who could cut it real quick?
Jojo: "Cut it"? You mean, cut it up? I don't know nothing about it.
Mike Lowrey: [Muttering] I'm so sick of this bullshit.
[Mike grabs Jojo and shoves him under the hood of a car while brandishing a pistol on the back of his head]
Mike Lowrey: What's up, Jo?
Jojo: You're pulling a gun on me? You guys are cops! I can't believe this! I should turn you in to Hard Copy! Put your ass on the TV set!
Marcus Burnett: What are you doing?
Mike Lowrey: I got this! Jojo...[cocks his weapon] I got fifteen bullets in this gun.
Marcus Burnett: Mike!
Mike Lowrey: I swear, if you don't start talking to me, I'm gonna fill your lying ass full of hot shit. Now, what's up?
Marcus Burnett: Mike, he's a former ganja-smoking fucker. He ain't worth it, for fuck's sake—!
Mike Lowrey: [Draws out a second pistol, pointing to Marcus] Do you want some? I'll bust your ass too!
Marcus Burnett: So sad. [To Jojo] You're on your own, Jojo. [Walks off]
Mike Lowrey: [Sticks his second gun behind Jojo] What's up, Jo?
Marcus Burnett: [Walks back in] I'm telling you like this. You splatter his ass, he's no good to us! [Walks off to a side alley] Fuck that. I'm not going down over this shit! I'm not going down, for you to be killing Jojo, the tire man! I don't want no brain fragments on me! That shit gets in your clothes, and it stanks! Fuck that!
Jojo: Okay! I'll tell you what I know.
[Mike throws Jojo up against the wall with his gun pointed underneath Jojo's chin]
Jojo: I don't know everything. I only know a little bit.
Marcus Burnett: Tell him something, Jo—!
Jojo: [Holds three fingers up] It's three guys. They got a laboratory—
[Mike points his second gun at Jojo's head as Jojo lowers his fingers to two]
Jojo: No...no, it's two guys. One guy died in a plane crash last year. It was fucked up, I mean—
Marcus Burnett: There should be more! Fuck, man!
[Mike cocks his second weapon as Jojo lowers his fingers to one]
Jojo: It's one guy, really. It's only one guy.
Mike Lowrey: Don't fuck with me—
Jojo: One main guy. This guy's an Einstein—motherfucking genius college boy. Egghead motherfucker. He got four eyes and glasses. He-got-a-rich-mama-and-daddy-who-live-out-in-Coconut-Grove.
Marcus Burnett: Where!? Tell him again, Jojo! I don't want you to get hurt!
Jojo: I'll tell you where he's at.
[Marcus falls silent and listens in]
Mike Lowrey: You would do that for us?
Jojo: Yeah, I want to help you guys. You stick that gun down. I got the address in the, uh...office...
Mike Lowrey: [Lowers his weapon] Thanks a lot, Jojo. You go grab that.
Jojo: Cool.
Mike Lowrey: You can go ahead.
Jojo: Now?
Mike Lowrey: Yeah, now is good. Now is real good.
Jojo: Yeah...This is on me too. You guys pick out some whitewalls as a little gift from me to you. [Walks off]
Marcus Burnett: [Snickers at Mike] You made me think you was gonna shoot me for a minute.
Mike Lowrey: [Holstering his weapon] I was.

Marcus Burnett: What are our chances?
Mike Lowrey: Remember Club Hell?
Marcus Burnett: Yeah.
Mike Lowrey: Worse.

Cast[edit]

Tagline[edit]

Whatcha gonna do?

External Links[edit]

Wikipedia
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