Batman and Harley Quinn

Batman and Harley Quinn is a 2017 American animated superhero film produced by Warner Bros. Animation and distributed by Warner Bros. Home Entertainment. It is the twenty-ninth film in the DC Universe Animated Original Movies series, and is directed by Sam Liu and written by Jim Krieg and Bruce Timm, who has also worked on Batman: The Animated Series. It premiered on July 21, 2017 at San Diego Comic-Con and was released into participating theaters for one night only on August 14, 2017. Based on the TV Series The New Batman Adventures.

Dialogue

Batman: This is Jason Woodrue, aka Floronic Man.

Nightwing: Terrific. Poison Ivy is teaming up with Jason Woodrue. We're in for a ride.

---

Harley Quinn: [to Nightwing who she has strapped to her bed] Hey, Nightwing. Is it true you used to be Robin? Huh, ain't that a kick in the pants? Little boy wonder, all grown up... [thinks for a moment then smiles slyly]

Nightwing: Okay, now, don't be getting any funny ideas?

Harley Quinn: Too late! [turns off the lights] It's funny I always kinda thought you and Batman didn't like girls.

Nightwing: Wait, what?

Harley Quinn: You know, that book with the headlights and eyeball gouging? I had to write a paper about it back in college. Got a B minus. [climbs into bed with him while in her bra and panties]

Nightwing: Look, Harley. I have a--

Harley Quinn: [interrupting him] Pretty lonely these last few months, if you know what I mean. You don't meet a lot of likely prospects at Super Babes. I'm kinda choosy.

Nightwing: I'm not saying I don't want to, 'cuz that could be nice... all sorts of wrong, but nice. right now I just really need to find Poison-- [Harley Quinn cups her hand over his mouth]

Harley Quinn: Shhh. Face it, sugar - I got something you want and you sure as shootin' have something I want, so be a good boy, and maybe, maybe Mama will give you a cookie.

Nightwing: The things I do for Gotham... [smiles]

Harley Quinn: I'm taking that as a yes. [kisses him]

---

Floronic Man: [the scene jumps from Harley Quinn kissing Nightwing to Poison Ivy kissing Dr. Goldblum] That's disgusting, it's an abomination!

Poison Ivy: You think I like swapping spit with this geezer every six hours? If you got a better way to keep him under our control, I'm all ears

Floronic Man: There's always torture.

Poison Ivy: I don't torture.

Floronic Man: There's 7 billion meat bags who infest this world would probably consider our plans for them torture, or at least cruel and inhumane.

Poison Ivy: Our plans are for the improvement of every organism on Earth, the very definition of humane.

Floronic Man: [scoffs] "Humane". What an ironic word coined by a species completely devoid of compassion for any other lifeforms, or each other, for that matter

---

Nightwing: [after Batman finds him in bed with Harley Quinn] I was, uh, I was just about to call you.

[Batman glances at the floor seeing a pile of Harley's clothes and underwear then sees that Nightwing had been strapped to the bed then gives him a dirty look]

Harley Quinn: [to Nightwing] Meet you at the car. [walks away happily humming to herself]

Batman: Did you get what you needed?

Nightwing: [smiles while rubbing his head nervously] Well, yeah... Ivy's whereabouts of course that's what you meant, no not yet. [Batman leaves giving him a disappointed look] Like you never made out with a super villain.

---

Batman: Pull a stupid stunt like that again, and I'm dumping you off at the nearest police station.

Harley Quinn: Oh, big whoop. [imitates Batman] "You're living under my roof. You play by my rules," is that it?! [to Batman] Newsflash, gruesome: you ain't my Dad!

Batman: This isn't a game, Quinn. I need you to stay focused on the job at hand.

Harley Quinn: Focus, schmocus! You know, I'm starting to rethink this whole deal. Here I am, helping you guys out, pro bono, I might add, and you gotta go and get all mega control-freaky on me. [imitates Batman] "Do this. Don't do that! Sit up straight. Brush after every meal. Don't bite your toenails. Keep your knees together when you're wearing a dress."

Batman: Quinn, there are LIVES at stake!

Harley Quinn: Oh, my God! Yeah, yeah, the whole world's gonna plotz. I get it, I get it. You think I'm just some dizzy airhead that don't know jack. Do you know what I am?

---

Poison Ivy: [about people] They all talk about climate change, but have they actually changed anything?

Floronic Man: Indeed they have. They've doubled their outcome of greenhouse gasses, increased the rate of deforestation, ravaged the planet. You said it yourself, Pamela, and I quote: "Humans simply will not give a crap unless we FORCE them to". Well, once our virus is activated, every single person on this planet will have a vested interest... in going green.

---

Harley Quinn: Hey! Now wait just a goddamn minute! That's it?! You got what you wanted, now you're just gonna dump me? Like Night-wig over here Captain Kirk-ing me for info and then [blows raspberry] "see ya later, toots"?!

Nightwing: Hey, you were the one who...! And I never...!

Harley Quinn: You need me, Batman. Uh-huh, that's right, you need me! You saw how tough Plant-Guy is, tossing you guys around like Raggedy dolls! If he kicks your butts again, then what? You think you're gonna be able to sweettalk Ivy into giving up her diabolical, huh, Mr. Smoothy? Cause I gotta tell ya, your line ain't that great! And besides--

Batman: ENOUGH! I can't trust you.

Harley Quinn: But I thought...? I mean, we--

Batman: You're the walking definition of "loose cannon", Harley. For all I know, you might decide that Ivy's plan doesn't sound so cock-eyed after all, because "the wind changed direction", or because "it's Thursday".

Harley Quinn: But--

Batman: I can't risk it. The stakes are way too high.

Harley Quinn: But--

Batman: But what?!

Harley Quinn: But I'll never survive the veggie apocalypse! Once, I begged my Mom for a cat, but I left the back door open one day, and... and it ran away! And then I begged her for a hamster, and I forgot to feed it for, like, a month! So then... then she said that maybe I could have a plant, so she got me this itty-bitty fern in this cute little yellow pot, and [starting to cry] I forgot to wa... wa-ha-ha... water it! Well, WHAT IF I FORGET TO WATER MYSELF?! [crawls towards Batman on her knees, still sobbing] Oh please, Mr. "Kind-of-Scary-But-Actually-Really-Nice" Batman! Please let me come with you! I can make Ivy change her mind and give up her diabolical plan with Tree-Guy! I know I can! We're pals! Yeah, good pals like Jack and Jill, or pork and beans! Oh please, please...!

Nightwing: You know, you're always saying, "Have a contingency plan."

Batman: So. Your plan B... is Harley Quinn.

[Nightwing smiles and shrugs, and Harley gives them a sheepish smile]

Batman: God help us.

---

[Batman, Nightwing and Harley Quinn get inside Floronic Man's laboratory]

Nightwing: I said it last time. Your turn.

Batman: It's over, Ivy.

Poison Ivy: Harley?

Harley Quinn: Hiya, Ives!

Poison Ivy: You're with him?! Oh, Harls!

Harley Quinn: Come on, Pammy, what are you doing? You're really gonna change us all into plants? You know I don't look good in green!

Poison Ivy: I'm sorry, Harley, but there is no other way. Humankind have had their chance.

Batman: [to Ivy] And you've had yours!

---

Harley Quinn: [shouting] Ives! You can't leave me here, Pammy. You know my skin. I burn easy.

---

Poison Ivy: [to Harley] I thought we were friends!

Harley Quinn: Ives, friends don't let friends kill seven billion people!

---

Harley Quinn: My God, Pammy. You haven't even tested it yet, have you? Have you? Batman said that if you get just one teensy-weensy thing wrong, you could wind up killing everything on the planet. Everything, Pammy. Plants, people, animals... everything.

Poison Ivy: It doesn't matter. Earth will die, anyway, if I don't act. [picks up a vial] I'm sorry, Harley, but I have to roll these dice.

Harley Quinn: You're gonna make me do it, aren't you? Well, when this is all over, just remember... I gave you a chance.

Poison Ivy: [turns to Harley Quinn] What are you - no!

Harley Quinn: [pulls off her fool's cap and wipes off her face paint] That's right, sweetie. The nuclear option!

Poison Ivy: You promised me you'd never - [Harley looks up at her with sad puppy dog eyes] Harley, I'm warning you! [Tears begin to well in Harley's eyes] Don't you dare! [Tears stream down Harley's face. Soon, Ivy begins to cry, tossing aside the vial and hugging Harley] I hate you so much!

Harley Quinn: [hugs Ivy] Works every time. Phew!

---

Harley Quinn: [smiling] Get him, Ives!

---

Harley Quinn: Ives! [to Floronic Man] Okay, fugly! You just bought yourself a first-class beating.

Cast

• Kevin Conroy as Batman / Bruce Wayne
• Melissa Rauch as Harley Quinn / Dr. Harleen Quinzel
• Loren Lester as Nightwing / Dick Grayson
• Paget Brewster as Poison Ivy / Pamela Isley
• Kevin Michael Richardson as Floronic Man / Jason Woodrue
• John DiMaggio as Swamp Thing / Alec Holland, Sarge Steel
• Eric Bauza as Wesley
• Robin Atkin Downes as Charles "Rhino" Daily
• Trevor Devall as Bobby Liebowitz
• Rob Paulsen as Dr. Harold Goldblum, Min & Max
• Mindy Sterling as Project Supervisor
• Bruce Timm as Booster Gold / Michael J. Carter