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Bedknobs and Broomsticks

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Bedknobs and Broomsticks is a 1971 film from Walt Disney Pictures about an apprentice witch, three kids and a cynical conman who search for the missing component to a magic spell useful to the defense of Britain.

Directed by Robert Stevenson. Screenplay by Bill Walsh and Don DaGradi based on the novels of Mary Norton.
You'll beWITCHED! You'll beDAZZLED! You'll be swept into a world of enchantment BEYOND ANYTHING BEFORE!

Miss Price

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  • Children and I don't get on.
  • [reading from Professor Browne's letter] Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise.
  • [after turning King Leonidas into an animated long-tailed rabbit] Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work.

Mr. Browne

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  • [Mr. Browne takes the Star of Astoroth.] I'll keep it. Women always lose things.
  • [An old man is playing dreary music on a piano which he is selling.] Oh, Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you?
  • Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.
  • It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?
  • You didn't think I knew that spell?

Charlie

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  • There'll be no more of this wash wash morning and night.
  • Wait! Wait! We can't leave the bed there!

Dialogue

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[A British Army officer's car stops at a junction on a country road where an elderly man is painting over signposts.]
Captain Greer: You there! Which way to Pepperinge Eye?
Elderly Man: Couldn't say, sir—said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.
Captain Greer: I'm not a Nazi, I'm a British officer!
Elderly Man: That's what you say if you was a Nazi, isn't it sir?
[Miss Price has just arrived on an old motorbike, emitting blasts of yellow smoke. After she has gone, the two army officers begin to speak.]
Captain Greer: Who is that?
General Teagler: Miss Price—splendid woman. Her late father served with me at Vimy Ridge.
Captain Greer: What's she burning in this thing?—It smells a bit like sulphur.
General Teagler: Nonsense! One can't make a motor fuel out of sulphur!
Charlie: Who else lives here?
Miss Price: I live alone — it suits my purposes.
Carrie: Sorry Miss! The cat scared us!
Miss Price: It’s not exactly! It was you who scared him.
Carrie: What is your cat's name?
Miss Price: I don't like giving cats ridiculous names, I call it a cosmic thrill because that's the name it came with.
Miss Price: The lunch is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—
Charlie: Wash?!
Miss Price: You will wash yourself thoroughly, otherwise do without lunch, is that clear?
[Miss Price leaves the room.]
Charlie: A house of horror, that's what we've come to.
[Charlie notices an odd bottle on a shelf in Miss Price's office.]
Charlie: Poisoned dragon's liver?!
Miss Price: Poisoned dragon's liver.
Paul: Do you poison the dragon or just the liver?
Miss Price: It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment.
Paul: I liked you better as a rabbit, Charlie
Charlie: Shut up, you!
Charlie: Don't they have no rules?
Paul: Of course they do. The king makes them up as they go.
[as Secretary Bird sees that King Leonidas' star necklace is missing, he reacts, then stutters, and points]
King Leonidas: [growls] Stop jibbering. [hits Secretary Bird on the head] What's the matter with you?
Secretary Bird: [blubbing] Your Royal Star! They've stolen your royal star!
King Leonidas: [laughs] Don't be ridiculous. What do you think this is? [dangles a whistle in front of Secretary Bird, who blows on it, and when he sees the whistle, King Leonidas realizes and roars so loudly, that blows Secretary Bird's clothes off] WHYYYYYYYY DIDDDDDN'T YOUUUUUUUUUUUU SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!!
Paul: Is this London?
Carrie: 'Course it is. Can't you smell that lovely sooty air?
Miss Price: You must have given us the wrong address! You don't live here, do you?
Mr. Browne: In point of fact I do. Temporarily, at any rate. I found the front door open, the house was deserted! Everyone has left the neighborhood.
Miss Price: Why on earth would someone do a thing like that?
Mr. Browne: I would say this may have something to do with it… [gestures toward an unexploded bomb]
Miss Price: Merciful heavens! I should be terrified at the very idea of living here.
Mr. Browne: You would have thought so, wouldn't you? I am, by nature, a little bit of a coward—but then I pondered, as I often do: in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I ever had. It has enabled me for the first time in my life to live like a king. Shall we go in?
Charlie: Why d'you keep the curtains closed?
Mr. Browne: So we can enjoy our cheese and wine in the gentle glow of candlelight.
Charlie: I bet it's so the coppers won't catch you hiding out here.
[Miss Price is searching in Mr. Browne's library, standing on a ladder attached to a rail on the high shelves.]
Mr. Browne: What's your name?
Miss Price: [disinterestedly] Miss Price.
Mr. Browne: No, I mean your first name.
Miss Price: Eglantine.
Mr. Browne: Eglantine...Eglantine... [He pushes the ladder upon which Miss Price is standing along the rail, startling her.] Oh, how you shine!
Miss Price: [reading from the book she has found at last] Ah, here we are! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of..." [She reads for a few moments in a whisper.] "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..." [She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book.] But the rest of the book is missing!
Mr. Browne: Now you see why I closed down the college.
Miss Price: But where are the other pages?
Mr. Browne: Haven't the foggiest.
Miss Price: Listen to me, Mr. Browne!
Mr. Browne: I'm all ears.
Miss Price: You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book?
Mr. Browne: Well, I bought it from a chap in the street market. There was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter of fact. He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin, I ask you. There was a sort of scuffle, the book tore, he got one half, and I got the other.
Miss Price: But where's the other half now?
Mr. Browne: Oh, it's probably been thrown away, but if it still exists, there's only one place to find it.
Mr. Browne: Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.
Miss Price: But why the animals?
Bookman: Towards the end of his life, Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, killed Astoroth, and stole many of his powers.
Miss Price: Including the star with the spell on it?
Bookman: Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away, and were never heard of again. However, there's a final notation in my half of the book saying that, in the 17th century, a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea, half-mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.
Miss Price: Where?
Bookman: There is, I regret to say, no such island. I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu does not exist.
Mr. Browne: Bookman, before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and all the occupants on it to disappear!
Bookman: Disappear? I should like to see a cheap-jack, tenth-rate entertainer do a trick like that.
Mr. Browne: Cheap-jack entertainer! Now, that was naughty.
[Miss Price's belongings inadvertently come to life after she recites an ancient magical spell. Mr. Browne begins to dance with a nightdress.]
Miss Price: That's my nightgown!
Mr. Browne: Is it really, my dear?
Miss Price: Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behavior.
Mr. Browne: Obviously not, my dear.
[Miss Price and the children are being held captive in her house by German soldiers.]
Colonel Heller: No, fraulein, this is not the invasion. Just a little exercise. A minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. When you English get it through your head that the German forces can land at will whenever and wherever we please, perhaps you will consider a reasonable peace.
Charlie: Not bloody likely!
Paul: Go on, Miss Price. Do it to him.
Miss Price: I must say, it's very tempting. Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit? [The colonel speaks German to a soldier, ignoring Miss Price] I said, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?
[Paul smiles]
Colonel Heller: Be quiet, please.
[Miss Price stands up, points at the Colonel, but cannot remember the correct words to the incantation]
Miss Price: Filigree, apogee, epigee...!
Charlie: Not again.
Carrie: Your memory, Miss Price.
Miss Price: Charles, would you kindly fetch me my notebook from the workroom, please?
Charlie: Righto.
[He attempts to run, but a German officer restrains Charlie. Miss Price and Paul attempt to retrieve Charlie in much commotion. The colonel, annoyed, turns to them]
Colonel Heller: SILENCE!! [The commotion stops] Fraulein, we have work to do. I am sorry, but I must send all of you someplace where you will no longer be a nuisance. [Speaks an order in German and continues working]
Paul: It's Mr. Browne, that who it is!
Miss Price: If you are Mr. Browne, would you kindly get down off my lap?
Charlie: Hurt your foot, Miss Price?
Miss Price: Oh, just twisted my ankle.
Charlie: Sorry to hear that.
Miss Price: Thank you. It's nothing serious.
Charlie: Lovely weather for flying last night.
[heavy pause]
Miss Price: Why did you say that, Charles?
Charlie: [bringing out her broken broomstick] Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are.
Miss Price: I see.
[she looks worriedly at Charles]
Charlie: Don't worry, Miss Price. No one's gonna peach on you.
Mr. Browne: [after being transformed into a rabbit a second time] Does one's nose have to twitch like this?
Miss Price: [not looking up from the book] Oh, you're back, Mr. Browne.
Mr. Browne: Madam, a word about your tactics - I don't mind so much being turned into a hawk or a tiger, or something with a bit of dash to it, but always a fluffy, white rabbit? It's intolerable!
Charlie: I suppose that's it. We ain't gonna have no fun no more.
Paul: Well, I still got this, don't I? [holds up the bedknob, which sparkles bright red]

Cast

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