Beetlejuice (TV series)

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Beetlejuice is an animated television series loosely based on the Beetlejuice film, and ran from 1989 to 1991.

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Beetlejuice

It's showtime!
Hi, how are ya?
Hmm, something's rotten in the Neitherworld... (smells himself) besides me.
(Disguised as a witch) Fellow babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!
(After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAH!
I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!
It's Good Neighbor Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!
Don't ya hate it when that happens?
The last laugh, you know I love it!
Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!
Moral dilemmas, you know I hate 'em!
If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!
(asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!
Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!
Now here's something you don't see everyday.
So long, suckers!
Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs.
Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I got to go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later.
So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball.
Responsibility, you know I hate it!
Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I got to be there in person…
NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HELP!
Check this out... a mid-summer night scream.
Oh, that Claire, she really gets my dandruf up.
She's got to be outta my mind by now.
Hey, they can't keep us apart.
Got you, babes!
Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me.
Rule number one for pulling pranks without getting caught is... be invisible!
What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?
Oh, the magic B-word! Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!
SANDWORM!
Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!
When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!
NO! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)
HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)
We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgusting! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!
Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)
I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!
(to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite.
Not only will I be revered, I'LL BE FILTHY, STINKIN' RICH! As opposed to just being filthy and stinkin. Heh heh heh..

Lydia Deetz

Though I know I should be wary

Still I venture someplace scary

Ghostly haunting I turn loose.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!

Deadly Vu!
Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!
Alright, Beetlejuice, what' s the scam?
(referring to Delia) Dad and I are the only ones who like her art-and I'm not too sure about Dad!
Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?
I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it.
Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ.
They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!
They say 'practice makes pukey'!
Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!
Come on, you guys. There's no monster in this tree. That's just a story the kids in school made up. This is a great tree. I love this tree.
Beetlejuice, Father was half-asleep... thank goodness.
That isn't funny! That tree is alive... and those men are going to kill it!
Miss Shannon, can I be excused?
Beetlejuice, have you seen a doctor about this problem of yours?
Romeo, don't step on my spiders!
I'm really babysitting now... AND IT'S NOT WORTH TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR!!

Delia "Mama" Deetz

You like it!
Don't be ridiculous, Charles!
Rubbish! Don't be such a stupid baby, just eat your soup and then you will be excused.
Why Charles! Whatever is the matter?
Really, Charles. I suggest you phone a proper repair man.
That's Beetleman, Dear. I'm taking your father for a nice, relaxing walk. Now, don't you bother Mr. Beetleman.
Well, pay the man, Charles.

Charles "Chuck" Deetz

What is that thing?
Lydia, dinner!
Lydia, go to your room, right now!
Sweety, I'm home.
Being nervous makes me nervous!
It's the whole darn town!

Mr. Monitor

Monitor Head 2: What do you mean commercials can't be released on the video unless you are the one with the people's voices!
Monitor Head 1: I'm not a fat looser like you!
Monitor Head 4: It's all about ratings.
All Monitor Heads: Get a move on!

Bartholomew Batt

Yuk! That's Disgustin'!
Did I win or did I lose?
Nyah - ha - ha - haa!
Oh No you don't! You will not turn me into warewolf!
That blonde haired ghoul is gonna cut off my head.

Little Miss Warden

That wasn't very cute!
Wanna buy some cookies!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Doomie

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jacques LaLean

Hello Mon Ami, ya lookin' for a nice preeetty girl?
Ooh La La! Look at that preeeeeetty looking ladeeeee!
Sacre Bleu!
Alouette jogging Alouette...
Are you Beeeeetlejuice?
It is 'azar-dous to your 'ealth.

Scuzzo the Clown

Hey, kids! Are we gonna have some fun?
Okay, boys and girls, are we ready for some jokes?
Whoa! That's the hottest cold I've ever seen!
Food fight!
Hey, what happened?! I hope it was funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Hey Beetlejuice! Your burgers are so bad, they oughta be spanked!

Lipscum

What is your favourite color? Tell me!
Huh! Is my name Lipscum spelled backwards Mucspil?
What is your name? Answer me!
Hey. Beetlejuice spelled backwards is Eciujelteeb!
Can I huh? Can I Can I Can I?

Captain Kidder

Ba dum-bum!
Arrrr! Look who what we've got, Ed.
Cross the river bridge, mate.

Prudence/Prune

What do you mean the library's closed?
That's not funny, Claire.
Uh, does this mean we'll be closing the play?
You're getting dangerous, kid!
But Lydia, I think you should try out for the part of Juliette.
Miss Shannon! I don't feel so good.
I've always wanted to be a rock star!
Relax, Bertha. You know why Miss Shannon wants you to do homework.

Claire Brewster

Looks like the best girl won, honey.
I am going to get that Lydia Deetz.
Uh, like, it's about time! You are ten second late. Now, get lost!
Shut up! I am not a sore loser.
Well, you can find yourself another Julia.
Like, aren't I just the most?
What kind of a name is BEETLEJUICE?
I mean, really have you ever heard of such a ridiculous name as Beetlejuice?
Like, thanks for the invitation, Lydia. Perhaps the ingroup and I will drop by your party early, for a good laugh.
Anyone who isn't in your group.

Percy

Miaow!
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwww!

Miss Shannon

All right, girls, our very first science fair today. Guess who's forgotten.
Can I help you, Prudence?
Now off to your classes, ladies.
I want you to keep staging it the rest of the week, just as you did it last night.
Okay, girls, we're going to have show and tell.
How improper.
Bertha, I am not satisfied with you. You did not share with any of your friends.

Judge Mental

Beetleguts! You're fired!
Would you please stand on that X over there?
Oh, all right. You're free to go… as far away as possible!
What are you, some kind of sicko? We can get rid of this disgusting creep forever.
If you do not follow those rules, I will let you get away from the Neitherworld forever!

Bertha/Burp

Gross!
Miss Shannon! Somebody is bothering me!
What's so funny?!
Stop laughing! That's ridiculous!
Prudence, of course it'll be scary. It's Lydia's party.
Miss Shannon! Can I wash my hands please?
Put a sock in it, you idiot!
Is there anything new other than comic books?
Someone used this ruler to throw your beehive on stage.

Funny scenes

Lydia: (miserably) No one understands me.

Beetlejuice: What am I garbage?

Lydia: (smiles) You wish!

Lydia: (after arriving to Tombstone, Scarazona) I Love this town! Does it have a saloon?

Beetlejuice: (in Western Clothes) Not in this time slot, babes!

Bully the Crud: (after Beetlejuice stops his "wedding" to Lydia) Nobody cuts off MY nuptuals and gets away with it!!!

[When Lydia and Beetlejuice are laughing after he successfully pranked Claire Brewster.]

Lydia: Beetlejuice, you're terrible!

Beetlejuice: Awww, thanks, babes!

Bertha: Hey, where's Betty?

Lydia: She had to leave. Her mother was calling her.

Bertha: Calling her what? (Bertha and Prudence snicker.)

[When Lydia wishes she had a car]

Lydia: In the Neitherworld I could drive myself crazy.

Beetlejuice: In the Neitherworld you can drive us both crazy... of course for me it's a much shorter trip!

[When Lydia has to go on vacation with her parents]

Lydia: (hugs him) Oh, Beetlejuice! If we can't be together this summer, I'll scream!

Beetlejuice: Scream anyway, babes. I like having that effect on people!

[When Claire is making a speech to run for class president.]

Bertha: Did you hear that? She called us creepy!

Betty Juice: I don't care how much she flatters us. She's not getting my vote!

[When Beetlejuice pranked Lydia's parents after he promised he wouldn't anymore]

Beetlejuice: Ah, what's so important about keeping a... uh... what'd you call it again?

Lydia: (furious) A PROMISE! And it's important to me! Beetlejuice, I want you to say you're sorry.

Beetlejuice: You're sorry.

Lydia: Beetlejuice! Just say it!

Beetlejuice: It.

Beetlejuice: (to the audience) Rules, there ought to be a law against 'em.

Goody Two Shoes: And another thing, Mr. Beetlejuice... NO TALKING TO CAMERA!

[When Goody Two Shoes has made the Neitherworld a sickly sweet place.]

Lydia: It's like we're trapped in some... nightmare!!

(She, Beetlejuice, Jacques and Ginger scream in horror)

Beetlejuice: WAIT A MINUTE! I forget, what're we screaming for again?

(Everyone looks down at their horrible cutesy clothes.)

Beetlejuice: Oh... yeah. YAAARRGGGHHHH!

[When Beetlejuice temporarily lived with the Deetzs' disguised as a dog.]

Lydia: Thanks for being Mom's best friends for a while.

Beetlejuice: Hey, she's the only one that's ever spent all night looking for me... who wasn't a police officer!

TruAnt Officer: Your licence to drive people crazy is hereby suspended.

Beetlejuice: On what grounds?

TruAnt Officer: On the grounds that you NEVER FINISHED SCHOOL!!!!!!

Beetlejuice: Oh. School grounds.

Lydia: (laughing) Oh, Beetlejuice. You always know how to crack me up!

Beetlejuice: Yeah, I always bring down the house.

[When Beetlejuice and Lydia disguise themselves as witches]

Lydia: How do I look?

Beetlejuice: Fabulously freaky, I must say! And how about moi?

Lydia: (laughing) Gorgeously ghastly!

[Lydia receives a phone call from the Neither World.]

Neither World Operator: This is the Neither World Operator. I have an emergency call from a Mr. Beetlejuice. Will you accept the charge?

Lydia: Yes, Operator. I'll accept the charge.

[She screams as she receives an electrical shock.]

Neither World Operator: Now that that's out of the way, will you also pay for the call?

Lydia: YES!!

[When Lydia is forced to join the Happy Face Girls]

Lydia: (miserably) Tell me the truth, Beetlejuice. How do I look?

Beetlejuice: You look pretty as a picture, neat as a pin, cute as a button, soooo there! (Bursts out laughing.)

Lydia: (annoyed) That's right, go ahead and laugh.

Beetlejuice: Ok. (Falls to the floor in a laughing fit.)

Beetlejuice's father: Junior! When are you gonna get a job?

Beetlejuice: I have a job, Pops. I'm a waiter... I wait around for people to gimme their money!

[When Lydia tries to stop Beetlejuice hurting a monster, who initially kidnapped Lydia until she made friends with it.]

Beetlejuice: Don't worry, Babes! I'll save you from that overgrown zoo exhibit!

Lydia: Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice: Don't try to talk, Lyds. Save your strength!

Lydia: Thing Thong is my friend.

Beetlejuice: Oh, no, she's delerious.

Lydia: Beetlejuice, I'm perfectly fine! And he's definitely my friend!

Beetlejuice: Friend?! That ugly thing?!

Lydia: He's not ugly, he's beautiful!

Beetlejuice: I don't get it, Lyds. You see something beautiful?

Lydia: Well... I think you're beautiful.

Beetlejuice: (Disgusted) YUCK! EURGH! YUCK! (Big eyes) D'you really think so?

Lydia: Uh-huh.

Beetlejuice: YUCK! EURGH!

Lydia: Locked deep in Goody's self conscious is this need to correct, to adjust, to regulate.

Beetlejuice: Er, babes, you're psychoanalysing the antagonist again.

[When Lydia decides it's safer for Beetlejuice to watch the stage show from the Neither World after she accidently sends him there.]

Lydia: Sorry, Beetlejuice.

Claire: (Overhearing) Beetlejuice?!

Beetlejuice: That's my name! Go ahead! Wear it out! Wear it out!

Claire: That is the most disgusting word I've ever heard! Beetlejuice?!

Beetlejuice: Now say it one more time, ya stuck up little ham!

Claire: Eurgh, only Lydia could come up with something as totally gross as... as...

Beetlejuice: SAY IT!!

Claire: ... Beetlejuice...

Beetlejuice: (emerging into the real world) It's show time!

[When Uncle Clyde is doing ventriloquism.]

Uncle Clyde: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Beetlejuice: (to Lydia) This guy oughta throw his voice... out!

(Uses his magic on the dummy and his voice comes out of it.)

Dummy: (with Beetlejuice's voice) Wanna know why the chicken crossed the road? COZ HE WAS PINNED TO THE PUNK ROCKER'S EAR! THAT'S WHY!

[When Lydia's family are dancing to music.]

Lydia: They look like they're having fun, but it's just your magic.

Beetlejuice: That's how much you know, babes. I stopped using my magic twenty seconds ago.

Beetlejuice: Your relatives sure are a bunch of wakkos!

Lydia: I'd like to meet some of your wakko relatives! Your parents have got to be totally freaky and gross!

Beetlejuice: I wish! My Mom and Dad are so dull their pictures are in the Neitherworld dictionary... next to the word 'boring'!

[When Lydia, Bertha, Prudence and Beetlejuice- as Betty Juice are preparing for their rock band.]

Lydia: (to Prudence) First, I'll tease your hair.

Beetlejuice: Let me tease it, Lyds. Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah! You call yourself hair! You look more like a red hat!

[When Beetlejuice pops out of Lydia's desk drawer as a jack-in-the box.]

Beetlejuice: Pop goes the beetle! (Laughs.)

Lydia: (Yawns) Really, Beetlejuice. This Scary Fools Day stuff is so childish... good thing I'm still a child.

[When Lydia dresses as a Sandworm in attempt to scare Beetlejuice.]

Beetlejuice: Nice try, Lyds! I'll give you an Eeeeee, for 'effort'!

Lydia: Humph! I have not yet begun to fright!

Beetlejuice: You could let me move back into that filthy dump you live in.

Ginger: But ya gotta promise to stop being a good neighbour.

Beetlejuice: Neighbours! I'm home!

Jacques: Oui, oui. Stop trying to be something you are not. Just be your old tummy-turning self.

[When Merlin challenges Beetlejuice to a jousting tournament.]

Beetlejuice: A joust? A joust? Surely you jest. It would be an unjust gesture for a jester to joust. A jester just jests. Get the gist?

Merlin: Only just...

[When Beetlejuice is running for Mayor.]

Beetlejuice: And unlike my opponent who will lie and make promises he won't keep, I'll tell you right upfront that I won't keep any of my promises!

Spooky: Why does everyone think I'm spooky?

Beetlejuice: Ah, humans are the weirdest people. Most of them think I'm spooky too.

Spooky: Really? I guess they just don't see you as the generous, tender-hearted being you are.

Beetlejuice: No need to insult me, bark face.

Lydia: Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice: Lyds! This is no time to panic!

Lydia: Then when is?!

Beetlejuice:..... NOW!!

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Beetlejuice (TV series)