Beetlejuice (TV show)

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Beetlejuice is an animated television series loosely based on the Beetlejuice film, and ran from 1989 to 1991.

Beetlejuice[edit]

  • It's showtime!
  • Hi, how are ya?
  • Hmm, something's rotten in the Neitherworld... (smells himself) besides me.
  • (Disguised as a witch) Fello babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!
  • (After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAAAHHHH!
  • I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!
  • It's Good Neighbour Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!!
  • Don't ya hate it when that happens?
  • The last laugh, you know I love it!
  • Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!
  • Moral dilemas, you know I hate 'em!
  • If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!
  • (asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!
  • What a stupid day I have.
  • Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!
  • So long, suckers!
  • Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs.
  • Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I gotta go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later.
  • So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball.
  • Responsibility, you know I hate it!
  • Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I gotta be there in person…
  • Yo, Shakey. Whatta ya think'a these?!
  • NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HEEELLLP!!
  • Check this out... a mid-summer night scream.
  • Ooo, that Clare. She really gets my dandruf up.
  • She's gotta be outta my mind by now.
  • Hey, they can't keep us apart.
  • Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me.
  • Ah, ah, ah, don't forget what your Mom said.
  • Rule number one for pullin' pranks without gettin' caught is... be invisible!
  • What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?
  • Ooo, the magic B-word. Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!
  • Well, looks like ol' Spooky won't have to worry 'bout that pollution stuff gettin' to 'im. He's gonna be grocery bags!
  • SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRM!!!!!
  • Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!
  • When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!!
  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)
  • HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)
  • We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgustin'! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!
  • Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)
  • I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!
  • (to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite.

Lydia Deetz[edit]

Though I know I should be wary
Still I venture someplace scary
Ghostly haunting I turn loose.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!!!!!!!
  • Deadly Vu!
  • Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEEEETLEJUUUUUUICE!!!!
  • Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?
  • I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it.
  • Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ.
  • They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!
  • Very educational - I learned about the Greenhouse Effect.
  • They say 'practice makes pukey'!
  • Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!
  • Come on, you guys. There's no monster in this tree. That's just a story the kids in school made up. This is a great tree. I love this tree.
  • Beetlejuice, Father was half-asleep -- thank goodness.
  • That isn't funny! That tree is alive... and those men are going to kill it!
  • Sorry, B.J., I can't fix Doomie right now, I've got to do my homework.
  • Beetlejuice, you shouldn't annoy poor Little Miss Warden!
  • This is the one... my best ever!
  • The one I enter has to be the best photograph I've ever done.
  • You're telling me. Just hurry up and fix it, please. This photo show means a lot to me.
  • Miss Shannon, can I be excused?
  • Beetlejuice. Have you seen a doctor about this problem of yours?
  • Romeo, don't step on my spiders!
  • Two dollars an hour... see ya.
  • I'm really babysitting now... AND IT'S NOT WORTH TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR!!

Delia "Mama" Deetz[edit]

  • Don't be ridiculous, Charles!
  • Rubbish! Don't be such a stupid baby, just eat your soup and then you will be excused.
  • Why Charles! Whatever is the matter?
  • Really, Charles. I suggest you phone a proper repair man.
  • That's Beetleman, Dear. I'm taking your father for a nice, relaxing walk. Now, don't you bother Mr. Beetleman.
  • Well, pay the man, Charles.
  • You like it!

Charles "Chuck" Deetz[edit]

  • What is that thing?
  • Lydia, dinner!
  • Lydia, go to your room, right now!
  • Sweety, I'm home.
  • Being nervous makes me nervous!
  • It's the whole darn town!

Mr. Monitor[edit]

  • Monitor Head 2: What do you mean commercials can't be released on the video unless you are the one with the people's voices!
  • Monitor Head 1: I'm not a fat looser like you!
  • Monitor Head 4: It's all about ratings.
  • All Monitor Heads: Get a move on!

Bartholomew Batt[edit]

  • Yuk! That's Disgustin'!
  • Did I win or did I lose?
  • Nyah - ha - ha - haa!
  • Oh No you don't! You will not turn me into warewolf!
  • That blonde haired ghoul is gonna cut off my head.

Little Miss Warden[edit]

  • That wasn't very cute!
  • Wanna buy some cookies!
  • Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Doomie[edit]

  • Beep! Beep! Beep!

Jacques LaLean[edit]

  • Hello Mon Ami, ya lookin' for a nice preeetty girl?
  • Ooh La La! Look at that preeeeeetty looking ladeeeee!
  • Sacre Bleu!
  • Alouette jogging Alouette...
  • Are you Beeeeetlejuice?
  • It is 'azar-dous to your 'ealth.

Scuzzo the Clown[edit]

  • Hey, kids! Are we gonna have some fun?
  • Okay, boys and girls, are we ready for some jokes?
  • Whoa! That's the hottest cold I've ever seen!
  • Food fight!
  • Hey, what happened?! I hope it was funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
  • Hey Beetlejuice! Your burgers are so bad, they oughta be spanked!

Lipscum[edit]

  • What is your favourite color? Tell me!
  • Huh! Is my name Lipscum spelled backwards Mucspil?
  • What is your name? Answer me!
  • Hey. Beetlejuice spelled backwards is Eciujelteeb!
  • Can I huh? Can I Can I Can I?

Captain Kidder[edit]

  • Ba dum-bum!
  • Arrrr! Look who what we've got, Ed.
  • Cross the river bridge, mate.

Prudence/Prune[edit]

  • What do you mean the library's closed?
  • That's not funny, Claire.
  • Uh, does this mean we'll be closing the play?
  • You're getting dangerous, kid!
  • But, Lydia, I think you should try out for the part of Juliette.
  • Miss Shannon! I don't feel so good.
  • I've always wanted to be a rock star!
  • Relax, Bertha. You know why Miss Shannon wants you to do homework.

Claire Brewster[edit]

  • Looks like the best girl won, honey.
  • I am going to get that Lydia Deetz.
  • Uh, like, it's about time! You are ten second late. Now, get lost!
  • Shut up! I am not a sore loser.
  • Well, you can find yourself another Julia.
  • Like, aren't I just the most?

Percy[edit]

  • Miaow!
  • Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwww!

Miss Shannon[edit]

  • All right, girls, our very first science fair today. Guess who's forgotten.
  • Can I help you, Prudence?
  • Now off to your classes, ladies.
  • I want you to keep staging it the rest of the week, just as you did it last night.
  • Okay, girls, we're going to have show and tell.
  • How improper.
  • Bertha, I am not satisfied with you. You did not share with any of your friends.

Judge Mental[edit]

  • Beetleguts! You're fired!
  • Would you please stand on that X over there?
  • Oh, all right. You're free to go… as far away as possible!
  • What are you, some kind of sicko? We can get rid of this disgusting creep forever.
  • If you do not follow those rules, I will let you get away from the Neitherworld forever!

Bertha/Burp[edit]

  • Gross!
  • Miss Shannon! Somebody is bothering me!
  • What's so funny?!?
  • Stop laughing! That's ridiculous!
  • Prudence, of course it'll be scary. It's Lydia's party.
  • Miss Shannon! Can I wash my hands please?
  • Put a sock in it, you idiot!
  • Is there anything new other than comicbooks?
  • Someone used this ruler to throw your beehive on stage.

Funny scenes[edit]

Lydia: (miserably) No one understands me.

Beetlejuice: What am I garbage?

Lydia: (smiles) You wish!


Lydia: (after arriving to Tombstone, Scarazona) I Love this town! Does it have a saloon?

Beetlejuice:(in Western Clothes) Not in this time slot, babes!


Bully the Crud: (after Beetlejuice stops his "wedding" to Lydia) Nobody cuts off MY nuptuals and gets away with it!!!


[When Lydia and Beetlejuice are laughing after he successfully pranked Claire Brewster.]

Lydia: Beetlejuice, you're terrible!

Beetlejuice: Awww, thanks, babes!


Bertha: Hey, where's Betty?

Lydia: She had to leave. Her mother was calling her.

Bertha: Calling her what? (Bertha and Prudence snicker.)


[When Lydia wishes she had a car]

Lydia: In the Neitherworld I could drive myself crazy.

Beetlejuice: In the Neitherworld you can drive us both crazy... of course for me it's a much shorter trip!


[When Lydia has to go on vacation with her parents]

Lydia: (hugs him) Oh, Beetlejuice! If we can't be together this summer, I'll scream!

Beetlejuice: Scream anyway, babes. I like having that effect on people!


[When Beetlejuice pranked Lydia's parents after he promised he wouldn't anymore]

Beetlejuice: Ah, what's so important about keeping a... uh... what'd you call it again?

Lydia: (furious) A PROMISE! And it's important to me! Beetlejuice, I want you to say you're sorry.

Beetlejuice: You're sorry.

Lydia: Beetlejuice! Just say it!

Beetlejuice: It.


Beetlejuice: (to the audience) Rules, there ought to be a law against 'em.

Goody Two Shoes: And another thing, Mr. Beetlejuice... NO TALKING TO CAMERA!


[When Goody Two Shoes has made the Neitherworld a sickly sweet place.]

Lydia: It's like we're trapped in some... nightmare!!

(She, Beetlejuice, Jacques and Ginger scream in horror)

Beetlejuice: WAIT A MINUTE! I forget, what're we screaming for again?

(Everyone looks down at their horrible cutesy clothes.)

Beetlejuice: Oh... yeah. YAAARRGGGHHHH!


[When Beetlejuice temporarily lived with the Deetzs' disguised as a dog.]

Lydia: Thanks for being Mom's best friends for a while.

Beetlejuice: Hey, she's the only one that's ever spent all night looking for me... who wasn't a police officer!


Lydia: (laughing) Oh, Beetlejuice. You always know how to crack me up!

Beetlejuice: Yeah, I always bring down the house.


[When Beetlejuice and Lydia diguise themselves as witches]

Lydia: How do I look?

Beetlejuice: Fabulously freaky, I must say! And how about moi?

Lydia: (laughing) Gorgeously gastly!


[When Lydia is forced to join the Happy Face Girls]

Lydia: (miserably) Tell me the truth, Beetlejuice. How do I look?

Beetlejuice: You look pretty as a picture, neat as a pin, cute as a button, soooo there! (Bursts out laughing.)

Lydia: (annoyed) That's right, go ahead and laugh.

Beetlejuice: Ok. (Falls to the floor in a laughing fit.)


Beetlejuice's father: Junior! When are you gonna get a job?

Beetlejuice: I have a job, Pops. I'm a waiter... I wait around for people to gimme their money!


[When Lydia tries to stop Beetlejuice hurting a monster, who initially kidnapped Lydia until she made friends with it.]

Beetlejuice: I don't get it, Lyds. You see something beautiful?

Lydia: Well... I think you're beautiful.

Beetlejuice: (Disgusted) YUCK! EURGH! YUCK! (Big eyes) D'you really think so?

Lydia: Uh-huh.

Beetlejuice: YUCK! EURGH!


Lydia: Locked deep in Goody's self conscious is this need to correct, to adjust, to regulate.

Beetlejuice: Er, babes, you're psychoanalysing the antagonist again.


[When Uncle Clyde is doing ventriloquism.]

Uncle Clyde: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Beetlejuice: (to Lydia) This guy oughta throw his voice... out!

(Uses his magic on the dummy and his voice comes out of it.)

Dummy: (with Beetlejuice's voice) Wanna know why the chicken crossed the road? COZ HE WAS PINNED TO THE PUNK ROCKER'S EAR! THAT'S WHY!


[When Lydia's family are dancing to music.]

Lydia: They look like they're having fun, but it's just your magic.

Beetlejuice: That's how much you know, babes. I stopped using my magic twenty seconds ago.


Beetlejuice: Your relatives sure are a bunch of wakkos!

Lydia: I'd like to meet some of your wakko relatives! Your parents have got to be totally freaky and gross!

Beetlejuice: I wish! My Mom and Dad are so dull their pictures are in the Neitherworld dictionary... next to the word 'boring'!


[When Lydia, Bertha, Prudence and Beetlejuice- as Betty Juice are preparing for their rock band.]

Lydia: (to Prudence) First, I'll tease your hair.

Beetlejuice: Let me tease it, Lyds. Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah! You call yourself hair! You look more like a red hat!


[When Beetlejuice pops out of Lydia's desk drawer as a jack-in-the box.]

Beetlejuice: Pop goes the beetle! (Laughs.)

Lydia: (Yawns) Really, Beetlejuice. This Scary Fools Day stuff is so childish... good thing I'm still a child.


[When Lydia dresses as a Sandworm in attempt to scare Beetlejuice.]

Beetlejuice: Nice try, Lyds! I'll give you an Eeeeee, for 'effort'!

Lydia: Humph! I have not yet begun to fright!


Beetlejuice: You could let me move back into that filthy dump you live in.

Ginger: But ya gotta promise to stop being a good neighbour.

Beetlejuice: Neighbours! I'm home!

Jacques: Oui, oui. Stop trying to be something you are not. Just be your old tummy-turning self.


[When Merlin challenges Beetlejuice to a jousting tournament.]

Beetlejuice: A joust? A joust? Surely you jest. It would be an unjust gesture for a jester to joust. A jester just jests. Get the gist?

Merlin: Only just...


[When Beetlejuice is running for Mayor.]

Beetlejuice: And unlike my opponent who will lie and make promises he won't keep, I'll tell you right upfront that I won't keep any of my promises!


Spooky: Why does everyone think I'm spooky?

Beetlejuice: Ah, humans are the weirdest people. Most of them think I'm spooky too.

Spooky: Really? I guess they just don't see you as the generous, tender-hearted being you are.

Beetlejuice: No need to insult me, bark face.