Better Than Chocolate
Life is going great for Maggie. She has recently moved out on her own and found the woman of her dreams, Kim. However, things quickly change when Maggie's mother Lila and brother Paul are forced to move into her tiny loft sublet with her. All the freedom and space Maggie has gained is compromised, and she believes she must keep her blossoming affair a secret. But it's the clandestine romance that inadvertently introduces Maggie's family to a host of new experiences, many of which are better than chocolate.
- Maggie: You're not bisexual, Carla — you're omnisexual! You're like that tornado in the Wizard of Oz, sweeping up everything in your path.
- Tony: That's funny… Get out!
- Kim: I am out.
- Carla: Customs held up another order of books at the border. They're claiming the books are pornographic… hello? Which they aren't. Well, maybe Butches in Chains is, but so what?
- Frances: Of course it's obscene! That's the point!
- [Maggie and Tony are washing the sidewalk in front of 10% Books.]
- Religious Zealot: Jesus loves you!
- Maggie: Thank you! Can you still read "Die, dyke, die!" or do you think I've finally gotten it all off?
- [Religious Zealot rushes off.]
- Mr. Marcus: The books have been classified as obscene and will not be allowed through the border. Now, if I can just get you to sign here.
- Frances: Little Red Riding Hood is obscene?
- Mr. Marcus: Well, we, we thought it was something else.
- Frances: Seriously, Mr. Marcus, the Supreme Court has declared that anal sex is to gay male sex what Mozart is to classical music.
- Mr. Marcus: Miss Turner, we are not here to discuss classical music. I myself am a huge Mozart fan, but…
- Frances: Look, the fucking Supreme Court has declared this natural. It is not obscene.
- Mr. Marcus: In case you haven't noticed this is not the Supreme Court. We're here in Customs and I have a job to do.
- Frances: We're just following orders, are we? Asshole.
- Mr. Marcus: From your perspective, that must be a compliment of Mozartian proportions.
- [Frances is about to attack the homophobic customs official. Security guard Bernice steps in.]
- Bernice: Do we have a problem in here?
- Frances: Bernice? Oh my god, I haven't seen you since the Women's Music Festival!
- [Bernice hustles Frances and Maggie out the door.]
- Lila: I read a study and after the age of forty a woman's chances of having sex are diminished by eighty percent. So, after fifty, God help you. And since I probably won't be having sex again, chocolate is the only pleasure left for me.
- Paul: Are you sure you like boys?
- Carla: Soft centers, hard centers. I like all the chocolates in the box.
- Judy: Sometimes you have this bubbling up feeling, this certain sort of rage.
- Wendy Crewson — Lila
- Karyn Dwyer — Maggie
- Christina Cox — Kim
- Ann-Marie MacDonald — Frances
- Marya Delver — Carla
- Kevin Mundy — Paul
- Tony Nappo — Tony
- Jay Brazeau — Mr. L. B. Marcus, Canada Customs
- Beatrice Zeilanger — Bernice
- Peter Outerbridge — Judy