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Birds Anonymous is a 1957 Merrie Melodies animated short, directed by Friz Freleng and written by Warren Foster, starring Tweety Bird, Sylvester and Clarence the cat. The voices were performed by Mel Blanc.
- Like I said before, once a bad old puddy tat, always a bad old puddy tat.
- Sylvester: Good morning, my little feathered friend! [walks away] I got it beat. My willpower is indomitable.
- Tweety: [writing in his diary] "Dear Diary: I know you won't believe this, but today..."
- Sylvester: Let's see what cooking on TV.
- [turns the TV on and sits down on his chair. A picture of a large, mouth-watering turkey appears on the screen)
- TV Presenter: After a basting, you'll find that your bird will come out golden brown. Every succulent morsel will simply melt in your mouth. [Sylvester is panting and drooling with excitement] Oui, how easy the white meat slices, eh? [his stomach rumbles] Yum, yum! Doesn't that look-
- Sylvester quickly turns off the TV. He looks over at Tweety and imagines a roast chicken in his place. He opens his mouth, but quickly shuts it, and slaps himself in the face a couple times]
- Sylvester: What's the matter with me?! I... I gotta get birds off of my mind. I know! I'll play the radio. [runs to the radio and turns it on] Music will get my mind off of it.
- Disc Jockey: That was "Bye Bye Blackbird." And now we'll play "When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob, Bob, Bobbin' Along."
- [Sylvester frantically turns off the radio and runs into the kitchen, sweating uncontrollably]
- Sylvester: I gotta stop myself! [he takes a pair of handcuffs, runs into the living room, and chains himself with a cuff on his wrist and the other to the iron radiator to make sure he won't get Tweety] There. Now I won't be able to get the bird.
- Tweety: Oh, Mr. Putty tat. Don't you wike me anymore?
- Sylvester: [panting] I- I think... I think... [licks his lips] I think you're... I think you're...DELICIOUS!!!
- [breaks the radiator off and pulls it along with him and goes after Tweety. Sylvester grabs Tweety, and goes to take a bite out of him, but is stopped by a plunger, that is shot with a bow used by Clarence, and covers Sylvester's mouth to stop him from eating Tweety, who escapes when Clarence appears]
- Clarence: I'm sorry I had to do that. I was afraid you might be weakening.
- Sylvester: Yes, I did weaken. Thanks a lot!
- [gives a happy grinning smirk with the plunger over his mouth]
- [the moon shines brightly down outside the window as Sylvester is having trouble to sleep, first on his back, then on his side, now on his front while sleeping at first, but awakening, trying to sleep, and dizzy with fear for trying to get birds off of his mind, screams in alarm, and goes to Tweety to catch him]
- Tweety: Uh-oh! Here we go again.
- Sylvester: [grabs Tweety from his bird cage and goes over to the window] One little bird. Just one. Just one. Yeah. No one will know the difference. No one. No one. Just one, then I'll quit. [pulls the curtain down, but is unaware of Clarence, who opens the curtain up to see Tweety preparing to devoured] I'll quit after one. Just one. [laughs maniacally] Just one! Just one little bird! Just one! ONE! ONE!
- [Sylvester tries to eat Tweety by putting him in his mouth, but fails when Clarence pulls alum into his mouth, that shrinks when he swallows it, and tries to stuff Tweety in his mouth, but misses. Sylvester takes Tweety to the kitchen, grabs a straw to hopefully suck Tweety in, and tries to do so, but pants for breath, and tries to suck Tweety in so hard, that the straw breaks apart, much to his disappointment as Tweety leaves]
- Sylvester: [starts crying] I can't stand it. I gotta have a bird! I'm weak. I'm weak, but I don't care! I can't help it! After all, I am a pussycat. [continues crying]
- Clarence: Oh, come now. There's no need for this demonstration. Birds and cats can live together in brotherly love. Now, watch. [to Tweety] Come here, little bird.
- [Tweety obeys and flies into his hand]
- Clarence: Here, you see? I really love birds.
- [Clarence kisses Tweety, double takes, and licks his lips, but closes his eyes, and opens them up to look at Tweety, who looks shocked as Clarence tries to bite the bird, but misses, then chases after Tweety, who flies with Clarence, who is laughing uncontrollably, and pursuing Tweety, much to Sylvester's nasty surprise]
- Sylvester: Stop it.
- [Sylvester grabs him and holds him down and tries to restrain him]
- Clarence: Let me go, let me go, and I've gotta have him! One little bird, just one!
- Sylvester: Control yourself.
- Clarence: It's been so long, so long, let me go, let me go!
- Tweety: Like I said before, once a bad old puddy tat, always a bad old puddy tat.
- Mel Blanc as Sylvester / Tweety / Clarence / B.A. Cats / Sam / TV Chef / Radio Announcer.