Bleak Expectations is a Radio 4 comedy series that pastiches the works of Charles Dickens and other Victorian-era tropes, with added steampunk-esque retrospective inventions, surreal humour and wordplay. It was written by Mark Evans and ran for five series originally broadcast from 2007 to 2012.
Episode 1: A Happy Life, Cruelly Re-Kippered
- Sir Philip: My life has been an endless procession of trials, setbacks, and conveniently-spaced cliffhanger endings. Adventure has followed me like a dog follows a man with bacon trousers and lamb chop underpants.
- Sourquill: It is a Carrier Cheetah. It has replaced the Carrier Pigeon. Well, it has eaten the Carrier Pigeon.
- Lily: Come let us leave my father to contemplate his sad memories.
- Sir Philip: Actually I shall get drunk and ignore them - it is the British way.
Episode 3: A Recovery All Made Miserable
- Sir Philip: Clocks should be like women. They should stand in the corner quietly, and once a year receive a good servicing.
- Sir Philip: Then, with relief, I saw we were falling into a mattress orchard. Their softness would break my fall. But alas, the mattresses were not yet ripe, and were consequently incredibly hard.
women should be like pen ,silent and disposable .
- Sir Philip: Harry and I eagerly caught up on our news of the past weeks...
- Young Pip: I've mostly been asleep and close to death.
- Harry Biscuit: Yes me too.
- Sir Philip: ...which didn't take long.
Episode 1: A Tolerable Life De-Happified
- Sir Philip: Alas our search, like a Scottish menu, bore no fruit.
- Young Pip: Is that a cake shaped like a sofa?
- Harry Biscuit: Comfort Eating.