Bob Monkhouse

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Robert Alan Monkhouse OBE (1 June 192829 December 2003) was a British comedian, actor and presenter.


  • I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
    • Obituary on BBC news website [1]
  • I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
    • Second obituary on BBC news website [2]
  • When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?
    • Second obituary on BBC news website [3]
  • I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
    • Guardian obituary [4]

Independent on Sunday obituary [5][edit]

  • People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.
  • The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
  • I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
  • Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.
  • People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."

Obituary in The Independent [6][edit]

  • No one watched it, not even the cameramen
    • Of his first TV appearance
  • I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.
  • Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap
    • Summing up opinions of him
  • I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.
  • My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
  • I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
  • Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

About Monkhouse[edit]

  • We used to say he had a computer in his head. His memory was astonishing.

External links[edit]

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