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Brimstone (1998–1999) is a short-lived Fox television series, featuring a dead detective whose mission (assigned by the Devil) is to return 113 spirits who have escaped from Hell to Earth.

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.1][edit]

[Ezekiel Stone arrives in NYC to hunt down a 100 year old priest who kills little children.]
Det. Kane: You know, you go to hell for something like that.
Stone: Already been there.

Desk Clerk: Where have you been?
Stone: Out of the country.
Desk Clerk: Whereabouts?
Stone: Down under.

Desk Clerk: The elevator's busted, but you're only on the third floor.
Stone: Long as I'm going up.

The Devil: God's universe doesn't work like the American legal system. You do something, you pay for it.

[Stone defends killing his wife's rapist]
The Devil: Yes, yes, now that's what I like to hear. The indomitable spirit and righteous indignation of the human species. I've heard it a billion times defending a billion atrocities, and it's still music to my ears.

Det. Kane: Tell me what you know about this case.
Stone: You wouldn't believe me if I did.
Det. Kane: What makes you so sure?
Stone: Because you seem like an intelligent man.
Det. Kane: You know what? Maybe I'm not as bright as I look. Try me.

Det. Kane: [At crime scene] Three out of four.
Det. Hirrsh: What?
Det. Kane: What do you know about the Bible.
Det. Hirrsh: What part?
Det. Kane: Revelations, chapter four--
Det. Hirrsh: Sorry. Wrong Bible. I'm the Old Testament. You go your way, I go Yahweh.

[A museum docent hits on Stone.]
Stone: I'm very, uh, flattered. But I'm married.
Docent: Oh, well. It's too bad. [She leaves]
Stone: ...Not to mention dead.

Heat [1.2][edit]

[Stone goes after a young Provencal woman who burns people alive when she feels strong emotions.]
[The Devil, in the guise of a guidance counselor, escorts a young coed out of his office.]
The Devil: [to Stone] Sweet kid. I'm trying to get her on the wrong path.

Albright: You're a cop, aren't you?
Stone: Why do you say that?
Albright: The coat's a little weird, but it's that look of desperation, and the eyes, devoid of life. Who else but the LAPD would pay your salary?

[the Devil and Stone meet in an elevator for a conference]
The Devil: You know, before they invented the elevator, I had to walk all the way from hell.
Ezekiel Stone: Glad to hear it.
The Devil: Second throughts, Ezekiel?
Ezekiel Stone: Can't you find someone else to torture?
The Devil: Millions of them. They can wait. Everyone's in such a rush. I say, stop and smell the burning flesh of sinners.

The Devil: 113 wayward children sent back to my loving embrace. Or one bereaved husband whose heart was in the wrong place, will wake one morning to find himself easily replaced.


Ezekiel Stone: Get out of my head.
The Devil: As if you could wrap your brain in barbed wire to keep me out. That is a delightful image, however.


[Stone meets the Devil in an elevator]
Ezekiel Stone: Going up or down?
The Devil: Guess.

The Devil: Nobody beats the Devil. Are you listening? Did you hear what I said, Mr. Stone? Nobody beats the Devil.

Poem [1.5][edit]

[Stone pursues a Chinese poet returns from Hell to kill women for their blood.]
Ms. Chao: How did you find me here?
Stone: I'm a detective.

Stone: Where were you ten minutes ago? I could've used your help.
The Devil: Help? I don't feel as if I know you well enough.
Stone: What's with you? Do you want me to catch these freaks or not?
The Devil: Of course. I want you to catch every last one. But I'm the Devil, old boy; I can't change my stripes.

The Devil: [to Stone] Love? The most delicious emotion of all. Without love, you and I would be out of a job.

Landlady: I want your badge number.
Stone: 666.




[as Stone goes through someone's mailbox]
Ashe: Pardon me for interrupting you here, but that happens to be a federal crime. Is that within your jurisdiction, too?
Ezekiel Stone: I answer to a lower power.

The Devil: You don't have any friends, Ezekiel. You're not only really dead, you're really most sincerely dead.
Ezekiel Stone: Isn't that from "The Wizard of Oz"?
The Devil: I HATE that movie.

[about roses]

The Devil: Did you know, the thorns were originally my idea?

Ezekiel Stone: You loved her, didn't you?
The Devil: I never loved anyone but God, and that was a long time ago.


[Stone tries to convince the Devil to let him have a car]
Ezekiel Stone: It's not New York any more. Nobody wants to walk around here. Plus, the buses suck.
The Devil: Now wait a minute. Fifteen years in Hell, now you're back on Earth and you're complaining. Oh, because you have to walk. You're not going Hollywood on me, are you, Zeke?

[after Stone has sent two souls back to hell]
The Devil: Good work, Ezekiel. Two birds with one "Stone."

Ezekiel Stone: Why don't you try and just enjoy some of the beautiful things in this world? Just one. Try it on for size.
The Devil: Believe me, it won't fit.


[Stone brushes his teeth]
The Devil: Four out of five dentists surveyed agree, tooth decay is no longer a problem... once you're dead.

The Devil: Please, Ezekiel. My job's not to decide who lives and dies. My business is with the soul. And I have never damned a soul who didn't thoroughly deserve it. Mother Nature is a completely different story. She kills indiscriminately, good and evil alike. Why she gets all the good press, I'll never know


[Going through Stone's mail]
The Devil: Junk mail, mostly. One of my lesser triumphs.

The Devil: I have always advocated family values, all the way back to Cain and Abel.

It's a Helluva Life[edit]

The Devil: Vanilla? Where's the waitress? I only eat Rocky Road.

Ezekiel Stone: You really push a man to the brink.
The Devil: I am the brink.

Ezekiel Stone: Do you know anything about faith?
The Devil: Faith? I was present at its creation.

The Angel: Yours is a divine purpose, Ezekiel.
Ezekiel Stone: [referring to the Devil] He'd freak if he heard that.
The Angel: Good. Let him freak.

Mourning After[edit]

The Devil: If it means anything, I'm sorry. Sort of. Well... no, I'm not.

External Links[edit]

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Ezekiel Stone: You know, I gotta tell you, I'm getting a little tired of breaking into desks and rifling through filing cabinets. I feel like I'm on a rerun of "Magnum P.I."

Ezekiel Stone: You know, you should be grateful. You should be happy. Every week I send one of your sinners back to Hell. You do nothing but complain.
The Devil: Don't get so cocky, detective! You know what over-confidence leads to, don't you? You get bit in the ass!

Ezekiel Stone: [seeing The Devil disguised as a motorcycle cop] Don't you know it's against the law to impersonate a police officer?
The Devil: What do you think you're doing, Ezekiel? You're impersonating a human being.

The Devil: [mocking Ezekiel Stone for buying flowers for Lt. Ash] Will you listen to yourself? Take your head out of Cupid's ass, Ezekiel. You've got more pressing business to take care of.

Ezekiel Stone: [reading his own headstone] "Ezekiel Stone, Beloved Husband, Detective NYPD, Died Defending The Citizens Of New York. The City, She Weepeth Sore in the Night, Her Tears Are On Her Cheeks."

The Devil: More tears have been shed for answered prayers than for those that go unheard.

[the Devil interrupts Stone as he's having breakfast]

Ezekiel Stone: What do you want?
The Devil: Your every waking moment consumed with holding up your end of our bargain.
Ezekiel Stone: Man's gotta eat.
The Devil: A living man, perhaps. But, for you, this would be classified as recreation. Like those idle thoughts of yours replaying that sweet bygone day over and over. As if, you're expecting a different outcome. Some people would call that insane.
Ezekiel Stone: Yeah? What would they call a conversation with the Devil over breakfast?

Father Horn: The Devil, he appears to you as a man?
Ezekiel Stone: Yeah. He looks a lot like a kid I used to beat the crap out of in sixth grade... I'm sure that's on purpose.

Ezekiel Stone: What the hell do you know about love?
The Devil: Love, the most delicious emotion of all. Without love you and I would be out of a job.

The Devil: Thanks to global warming, it gets more and more comfortable for me up here every day.

[From the opening credits]

Ezekiel Stone: I was a cop. When my wife was raped, I caught the guy who did it, and I killed him. Two months later, I died. I went to Hell. A hundred and thirteen of the most vile creatures... escaped.
The Devil: They think they'll beat the Devil. Nobody beats me!
Ezekiel Stone: So how am I supposed to send them back?
The Devil: The eyes: windows to the soul. Destroy the eyes, and the damned get a one-way ticket back home to Hell. But it's not Hell you should be scared of. It's losing your second chance at life on Earth!
Ezekiel Stone: Time to give the Devil his due!

The Devil: 113 wayward children,

Sent back to my loving embrace
Or 1 bereav'ed husband
Whose heart was in the wrong place
Will wake one day to find himself
Easily replaced.