Burn After Reading
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- Directed by and written by Joel and Ethan Coen.
Intelligence is relative. (taglines)
- What the fuck is this?
- I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck! You're a Mormon! Next to you, we all have a drinking problem!
- I know who you are, fucker!
- [on the phone] I'm sorry, I don't know the number to, uh, my savings account because, believe it or not, I don't spend my entire day sitting around trying to memorize the fucking numbers to my fucking bank accounts! MORON!
- [panicking, after having reflexively shot Chad in the head] Oh, my fuck! I shot a fucking spook! Who the fuck are you, you fucker?!
- Report back to me... when it makes sense.
- Palmer: In fact, we're moving you out of Sigint entirely.
- Osbourne: Just no discussion? Just, you're out?
- Palmer: Well, we're having the discussion now. Look, um, Oz. This doesn't have to be unpleasant. Uh...
- Osbourne: Palmer, with all due respect. What the fuck are you talking about? [looks at Olsen] And why is Olsen here?
- Palmer: Uh, look, Ozzie, look...
- Osbourne: What the fuck is this?! I know it's not my work.
- Palmer: Ozzie...
- Osbourne: I'm a great fucking analyst.
- Palmer: Okay, Ozzie...
- Osbourne: Is - is it my...
- Palmer: Ozzie, things have not been going well, as you know.
- Peck: You have a drinking problem.
- [Osbourne looks at Peck. Short pause]
- Osbourne: I have a drinking problem?
- Osbourne: This is an assault. I have a drinking problem? Fuck you, Peck. You're a Mormon!
- Peck: Ozzie...
- Osbourne: Next to you, we all have a drinking problem! What the fuck is this! Whose ass didn't I kiss! Huh?! Let's be honest!
- Palmer: Okay, uh...
- Osbourne: I mean, let us be fucking honest. This is a crucifixion! This is political! And don't tell me it's not! [opens the door] "I have a drinking problem." [leaves]
- Osbourne: What did Kathleen say?
- Katie: What?
- Osbourne: When you left the message.
- Katie: That she would give you the message!
- Harry: Is this goat cheese?
- Osbourne: Chevre, yes, that is a goat cheese.
- Harry: Because I have lactose reflux. I can—
- Osbourne: You're lactose intolerant? Or you have acid reflux? They're two different things.
- Harry: I know what they are.
- Osbourne: Then you misspoke.
- Harry: [sarcastic] Well thank you for correcting me.
- Katie: [walking up] Try the chevre, Harry, it's very good.
- Harry: Oh, yeah, I can eat goat cheese.
- Chad: Throw it out?!
- Linda: You can't do that! You should put a note up in the ladies' locker room.
- Chad: Put a note up? "Highly classified shit found, Signals Intelligence shit, CIA shit? Hello? Did you lose your secret CIA shit?" I don't think so.
- Osbourne: [sleepily] Hello?
- Chad: Uhhh... Osbourne?... Osbourne Cox?
- Osbourne: Yes?... Uh... Who is this?
- Chad: Ummm... This ummm... Is this Osbourne Cox?
- Osbourne: [still sleepy] Who is this?.. What time is it?.. Who is?
- Chad: Um... I'm a Good Samaritan... I'm sorry I'm calling at such an hour... But I thought you might be worried...
- Osbourne: Worried?
- Chad: About the security...... Of your shit.
- Katie: What is going on?
- Osbourne: Some clown—a couple of clowns got ahold of my memoirs.
- Katie: Your what?
- Osbourne: Stole it or... I have no idea how they—
- Katie: Your what?
- Osbourne: My memoirs... the book I'm writing.
- Katie: Why in God's name would they think that's worth anything?!
- Harry: [Leading Linda downstairs] Yeah, I tell ya. I saw an ad for this in a gentlemen's magazine. Twelve hundred bucks, TWELVE HUNDRED BUCKS. I'm lookin' at this thing and I think, "You gotta be kiddin' me." I'm a hobbyist. Thing's basically nothing but speed rails. I figure I'd go down to Home Depot and whip this up myself for... a hundred bucks. [Pulls the tarp off the machine]
- Linda:...What is it?
- Harry: What is it?? [Points to the chair] You sit down there, make yourself comfortable, put your feet in the stirrups, and...
- [Harry pushes the chair back, and when it comes forward, a dildo pushes up through a hole in the seat of the chair. The chair continues to rock back and forth, with the dildo going up and down]
- Linda: Oh my God!...[Hushed voice] THAT'S FANTASTIC.
- Harry: Something, isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in; not counting the labor and...the cost of the dildo -those things aren't cheap- See, I like to...I'm not set up to mold hard rubber.
- Linda: Where's the money?
- Chad: He hit me.
- Linda: Where's the money?!
- Chad: [Pause] He didn't give it to me.
- CIA Supervisor: Jesus Fucking Christ. What did we learn, Palmer?
- Palmer: I don't know sir.
- CIA Supervisor: I don't fucking know either. I guess we learned not to do it again. I'm fucked if I know what we did.
- Palmer: Yes sir, it's hard to say.
- Intelligence is relative.
- A high stakes love life and Jewel CIA shelter.
- Intelligence is only their job.
- George Clooney - Harry Pfarrer
- Frances McDormand - Linda Litzke
- John Malkovich - Osbourne Cox
- Tilda Swinton - Katie Cox
- Brad Pitt - Chad Feldheimer
- Richard Jenkins - Ted Treffon
- David Rasche - Palmer Smith
- J. K. Simmons - CIA Superior
- Jeffrey DeMunn - Cosmetic surgeon
- Elizabeth Marvel - Sandy Pfarrer
- Devin Rumer - Surveillance
- Olek Krupa - Krapotkin
- Dermot Mulroney - Star of Coming Up Daisy