Cagney & Lacey

Cagney & Lacey (1982–1988) was an American crime drama TV show, airing on CBS, about two female police detectives who cooperate with each other both in their professional and personal lives.

Season 1

Pop Used to Work Chinatown [1.02]

Lt. Samuels: Chang?

Chris Cagney: That's the name Charlie gave me.

Lt. Samuels: Have you got any idea how many Changs there are in Chinatown?

Chris Cagney: Not in rough figures, but how many of them were wearing black satin jackets with dragons on the back?

---

Chris Cagney: Mary Beth, Mei Ling doesn't know it was one of us.

Mary Beth Lacey: It wasn't one of us, Chris. It was me.

---

Lt. Samuels: Hey, look it, this is not a Wild West show and you're not John Wayne. You don't do anything till I give the signal, you got that?

---

Charlie Cagney: Will you stop questioning me?

Chris Cagney: Sorry.

Charlie Cagney: It's one of the reasons you're a good cop, but it's annoying as hell in a daughter.

Beyond the Golden Door [1.03]

Mary Beth Lacey: [about Harvey] I'm afraid he's gonna do something dumb to prove something dumb.

---

Chris Cagney: My father always used to say, "never eat where you work." That's the wisdom of the Irish.

Victor Isbecki: My father always used to say, "never pass up anything you can get for free." That's the wisdom of the streets.

---

Lt. Samuels: Detective Cagney, Detective Lacey, this is Stewart, federal hotshot.

Blaine Stewart: I believe you're investigating one of our cases?

Mary Beth Lacey: Your case? Where were you when we took her sister to identify the body?

Chris Cagney: Probably doctoring his statistical reports.

Blaine Stewart: Ooh, a couple tigresses you got here, Samuels.

Lt. Samuels: Hey, they're just gettin' warmed up.

Blaine Stewart: No offense, ladies, but we don't want to muddy up the waters.

Chris Cagney: Then don't get your feet wet.

Street Scene [1.04]

Chris Cagney: [Responding to a strange man who whispers in her ear at a bar] Oh, don't tell me this place is straight.

---

Woman Behind Chain-Locked Door: [Cagney and Lacey show their badges] You coulda bought those in some novelty shop. A kid could walk into such a place and come out a G-man! You got somethin' else?

Chris Cagney: Lady!

Mary Beth Lacey: Like what, ma'am?

Woman Behind Chain-Locked Door: Maybe an American Express card like Karl Malden's got?

---

Mark Petrie: Look, ever since you and Cagney came on as detectives here it's been kinda tough on the wives. You know, wondering what you look like, what happens when one of us is put on the same case with one of you.

Chris Cagney: The inevitable. We check into a hotel and exchange clues.

---

Chris Cagney: Who do they think we are, a couple of Bo Dereks?

Mary Beth Lacey: Oh, I don't know. I think of myself as more the Carole Lombard type.

Better Than Equal [1.06]

Victor Isbecki: [Seeing that La Guardia is watching him eat a sandwich] You want some?

Paul La Guardia: Are you kidding? Do you know how many fats and chemicals you're eating?

Victor Isbecki: It's just pastrami.

Paul La Guardia: Animal fats, parasites, carcinogens, nitrates, sodium.

Victor Isbecki: Maybe that's why it tastes so good, huh?

Season 2

Date Rape [2.16]

Carole Mitchell: I met him in a singles bar. Had a drink with him. In fact, I even ordered a second round. Then we went back to my apartment. We had another drink. I even let the guy kiss me. What do you two ladies think about that?

[Mary Beth and Christine look at each other]

Chris Cagney: We don't think anything.

Mary Beth Lacey: Can you tell us what happened then?

Carole Mitchell: He wanted to go to bed. Well, I don't know. It's just something weird. The guy's just creepy. I mean, I told him no. You know, I asked him to leave. And he just got crazy.

Mary Beth Lacey: How do you mean crazy?

Carole Mitchell: He started shouting and screaming. I mean, he comes up with this old story, you know, "You can't say no to me after you've got me all worked up like this". And then... he just... He... just beat me up very badly and raped me.

Chris Cagney: He beat you?

Carole Mitchell: My face, my arms and my neck. It's all faded now.

Chris Cagney: How long ago did this happen?

Carole Mitchell: Two weeks.

Chris Cagney: Well, why did you wait so long to report it?

Carole Mitchell: Why? Because I heard how insensitive cops are. That's why this is not my most favorite thing to do!

---

Lt. Samuels: So, what kinda case is it?

Chris Cagney: She was raped.

Mary Beth Lacey: We're gonna run his name through BCI.

Lt. Samuels: She knows his name?

Mary Beth Lacey: Well, she was on a date with him.

Victor Isbecki: [while reading the notes of the case] Met him in a bar. Took him home. You know what this smells like to me? A one-night stand that never called back.

Ronald Coleman: Sure. The chick gets upset. Turns him into the cops. Is that revenge?

Paul La Guardia: Classic "Woman scorned" and all that.

Mary Beth Lacey: Paul! The woman was raped. Read your penal code: "Sexual intercourse without consent."

Victor Isbecki: Hey, don't be so literal. What do you think us guys are? Mind readers or something?

Chris Cagney: What do ya mean?

Victor Isbecki: Hey, women always say "No". Sometimes they mean "Yes", but usually they mean, "Maybe". Am I wrong?

Mark Petrie: I think you're over-generalising.

Ronald Coleman: I think the man knows what he's talking about, all right?

Lt. Samuels: Do you know who Thelma's most famous hero of all time is? Rhett Butler. So romantic, she says. So how come when Rhett Butler throws Scarlett down on the bed, that's romance, but when some poor slob does it, that's rape?

Mary Beth Lacey: With respect, sir, if you don't know the difference between rape and romance, then you've got a serious problem.

[walks off]

Ronald Coleman: Is it her time of month or what?

---

Mary Beth Lacey: A woman has been hurt out there or maybe since you got in with the guys, you forgot about that.

Chris Cagney: No, I remember.

Mary Beth Lacey: Oh, I was beginning to wonder.

Chris Cagney: Is it too much to ask you to lighten up a little?

Mary Beth Lacey: Yeah. Sure. You heard any good rape jokes lately?

Chris Cagney: Mary Beth, please. I know people get hurt... every day. Some of the stuff we see, if we took it in without some kind of joke, how would we deal with it? Makes us a little crazy, so sometimes I laugh. That's what I do.

Mary Beth Lacey: Well, there's certain things I don't laugh at.

Chris Cagney: And I'm sorry. That's my way. That's what I do.

---

Chris Cagney: The bartender doesn't remember our guy, but he does remember Carole Mitchell. He says she goes into the bar a lot. In fact, sometimes she even takes a guy home with her.

Victor Isbecki: What a surprise. And here I was thinking she was a vestal virgin.

Paul La Guardia: We called them roundheels when I was in high school.

Victor Isbecki: Hey, every school had one. We had one with big legs and a moustache.

Ronald Coleman: So what? All cats are great in the dark.

Mary Beth Lacey: Thank you, gentlemen for the view from the gutter.

---

Carole Mitchell: Oh, look at you two. You're standing there so busy judging me, huh. Because I pick up guys in a bar?

Mary Beth Lacey: No, ma'am.

Carole Mitchell: Well, where else am I supposed to meet someone? You know, I work in an office with three women. What am I supposed to do? Sit home and wait for Prince Charming to come knocking at my door?

Mary Beth Lacey: I think that you could be more careful.

Carole Mitchell: No. What you really think is that I'm a tramp and I don't have the right to say "no."

Mary Beth Lacey: That's not true, Miss Mitchell.

Carole Mitchell: I thought women cops would be different. You're not. Just beads and dresses.

Chris Cagney: Hey, you wait just one damn minute!

Mary Beth Lacey: We're trying to help you!

Carole Mitchell: I don't need this garbage.

Chris Cagney: Lady! You think this is garbage? Wait 'til you see what a defense attorney'll do with you.

Carole Mitchell: I'm not gonna give him a chance, see. I don't care. Let's just drop the whole thing right here. Let's just forget it!

Mary Beth Lacey: Miss Mitchell, we want to get this man as much as you do.

Carole Mitchell: No, you don't. Get out. Go on. Get out. Go on.

---

Mary Beth Lacey: [after Carole Mitchell ends up hospitalized after being attacked again] The woman told us she was scared of him and we didn't listen. All we listened to was the guys' funny jokes and all we cared about was our lousy conviction percentage!

Chris Cagney: You don't mean us, you mean me!

Mary Beth Lacey: No, I mean us. I mean, I let that nonsense get to me and it kept me from doing my job.

Chris Cagney: I'm not wasting time feeling guilty, Mary Beth. I'm gonna find that bastard and bring him in.

Cast

• Tyne Daly - Detective Mary Beth Lacey
• Sharon Gless - Detective Christine Cagney (Seasons 2-7)
  • Meg Foster - Detective Christine Cagney (Season 1, 6 episodes)
• Al Waxman - Lt. Bert Samuels
• Martin Kove - Victor Isbecki
• John Karlen - Harvey Lacey
• Sydney Clute - Detective Paul La Guardia
• Carl Lumbly - Mark Petrie
• Harvey Atkin - Sgt. Ronald Coleman

External links

• Cagney & Lacey quotes at the Internet Movie Database