Castle (season 1)

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Castle (2009-2016) is an American comedy-drama television series, airing on ABC, about a mystery writer, Richard Castle, becoming involved in investigating murders after a copycat killer uses his novels as inspiration and he decides to base a series of novels on the lead investigator, Detective Kate Beckett.

Flowers For Your Grave [1.1]

Lanie Parish: No signs of struggle. He knew her. Even brought her flowers. Who said romance is dead?

Kate Beckett: I do, every Saturday night.

Lanie Parish: A little lipstick wouldn't hurt.

Rick Castle: You want to know why I killed Derrick? There were no more surprises. I knew exactly what was going to happen every moment of every scene. It's just like these parties. They become so predictable. "I'm your biggest fan." "Where do you get your ideas?"

Alexis Castle: And the ever popular, "Will you sign my chest?"

Rick Castle: That one I don't mind so much.

Alexis Castle: Yeah, well, FYI, I do.

Rick Castle: Just once I want someone to come up to me and say something new.

Kate Beckett: Mr. Castle?

Rick Castle: [turns and holds out his pen] Where would you like it?

Kate Beckett: Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.

Alexis Castle: [takes pen from Castle] That's new.

Kate Beckett: Mr. Castle, you have quite a rapsheet for a bestselling author. Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest...

Rick Castle: Boys will be boys.

Kate Beckett: Says here you stole a police horse?

Rick Castle: Borrowed.

Kate Beckett: And you were nude at the time?

Rick Castle: It was spring.

Kate Beckett: And every time the charges were dropped.

Rick Castle: What can I say? The mayor's a fan. But if it makes you feel better, I'd be happy to let you spank me.

Kate Beckett: Mr. Castle, this whole bad boy charm thing that you've got going might work with bimbettes and celebutantes. Me? I work for a living. So that makes you one of two things in my world. Either the guy who makes my life easier or the guy who makes my life harder. And trust me, you do not want to be the guy who makes my life harder.

Kate Beckett: Why are you here? You don't care about the victims, so you aren't here for justice. You don't care that the guy's aping your books, so you aren't here 'cause you're outraged. So what is it, Rick? Are you here to annoy me?

Rick Castle: I'm here for the story.

Kate Beckett: The story?

Rick Castle: Why those people? Why those murders?

Kate Beckett: Sometimes there is no story. Sometimes the guy is just a psychopath.

Rick Castle: There's always a story, always a chain of events that makes everything make sense. Take you, for example. Under normal circumstances, you should not be here. Most smart, good-looking women become lawyers, not cops. And yet, here you are. Why?

Kate Beckett: I don't know, Rick. You're the novelist. You tell me.

Rick Castle: Well, you're not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you talk, so that means Manhattan, that means money. You went to college, probably a pretty good one. You had options. Yeah, you had lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options, and you still chose this. That tells me something happened. Not to you. No, you're wounded, but you're not that wounded. No, it was somebody you cared about. It was someone you loved. And you probably could have lived with that, but the person responsible was never caught. [realizing he overstepped] And that, Detective Beckett, is why you're here.

Kate Beckett: Cute trick. Don't think you know me.

Rick Castle: The point is, there's always a story. You just have to find it.

Kate Beckett: Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.

Roy Montgomery: But he did help solve this case. And when the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy.

Kate Beckett: How long, sir?

Roy Montgomery: It's up to him.

Nanny McDead [1.2]

Police rep: Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...

Rick Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?

Police rep: Your heirs, Mr. Castle.

Kate Beckett: Exactly how much longer do I have to expect you to be shadowing me on my cases like this?

Rick Castle: Hard to say. When I'm writing a new character, there's no telling when inspiration might strike.

Kate Beckett: I thought I was your inspiration.

Rick Castle: Oh, you are, Detective. And in so many ways.

Kate Beckett: Yeah, well your inspiration might strike you sooner than you think.

Rick Castle: Why only run the workers' names? Why not run all the neighbors names?

Kate Beckett: What are you basing that on?

Rick Castle: I'm basing that on the neighbor would make a better story. No, come on. What do any of us know about our neighbors in this city? You think the guy living next door to the Son of Sam knew he was living next door to the Son of Sam?

Roy Montgomery: He's right. Neighbors in Berkowitz's building had no idea was the Son of Sam killer.

Rick Castle: Thank you. What about the guy in 8B?

Kate Beckett: Who?

Rick Castle: 8B. Quiet guy. You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara. She's young, beautiful, the kind of girl that a guy like him would never have a chance with. We all know girls like that don't we? Well, at first, it's just a game. Figure out her schedule. When does she do her laundry? When is she alone? Until it becomes something more, something that he can't control. Well, he uses the stairs, obviously, to avoid the elevator's cameras. And then he just waits, concealed in the shadows. When she comes into that laundry room, he pounces. When he looked into her vacant, lifeless eyes, he wanted to tell her he never meant to kill her. All he ever wanted was to be noticed. That's when he felt the heat of that dryer on his skin. So he picks up her limp body in his arms and gently places it inside. He almost smiled at his good fortune when he found the quarter in his pocket, slipping it into the slot. Buying him the time to do what he does best ... Disappear. [pauses, then continues] Just saying, better story. Coffee?

Roy Montgomery: Let see what we can find out about those neighbors. [starts to walk away but turns back briefly] And someone better tell me who the hell lives in 8B!

Alexis Castle: So, who got killed today?

Rick Castle: The nanny.

Alexis Castle: Do they know who did it?

Rick Castle: Well, apparently, in an actual homicide, they don't know who did it until after the guy gets caught.

Kate Beckett: Exactly how many times have you been married, Castle?

Rick Castle: Twice.

Kate Beckett: That's it?

Rick Castle: Isn't that enough? How about you?

Kate Beckett: Me? No, never been.

Rick Castle: Really?

Kate Beckett: Yep.

Rick Castle: You'd be good at it. You're both controlling and disapproving.

Hedge Fund Homeboys [1.3]

Castle: Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.

Alexis: I'm a rebel. I kick it old school.

Castle: Style section. Anything I need to know?

Alexis: The '70s are back.

Castle: Hmm. They're like the Highlander, they just won't die.

Castle: What's the class?

Martha: Introduction to life coaching. It's... it's always been my desire to make a difference, whether on stage or off. And I have had cards made, haha.

Castle: It says here I'm your client.

Martha: Well of course you are, haven't I been telling you what to do your whole life?

Beckett: Do you know the school?

Castle: Oh, I've been kicked out of all of New York's finer educational institutions at least once. The irony is, now that I'm rich and famous, they all claim me as alum and want money.

Beckett: [sarcastically] It is just so rough being you.

Castle: My cross to bear.

Castle: Do you do drugs?

Alexis: No.

Castle: Are you sure? 'Cause you can tell me.

Alexis: Dad, am I lethargic and uncharacteristically irritable?

Castle: No.

Alexis: Are my eyes bloodshot for no apparent reason?

Castle: No, except when you're sick.

Alexis: Well, that's an apparent reason.

Castle: Right.

Hell Hath No Fury [1.4]

Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?

Esposito: "Roadkill?"

Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.

Esposito: Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.

Ryan: [grinning] You know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?

Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.

Ryan: 54th and Lex.

Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

Beckett: [interrogating a suspect] Witnesses don't place you at the club until one in the morning, and Horn was murdered somewhere between eleven and twelve.

Castle: [watching Beckett from behind one-way glass] Here it comes, and...

Beckett: So, where were you between eleven and twelve, Mr. Creason?

Castle: Booyah.

Creason: I was asleep.

Castle: Asleep!? You are lame! [heard from other side of glass] You are so lame! You're a lamey, McLamester! You're so l-l-l- [back in room] LAME!!

[Talking to Alexis about the case while chopping onions]

Alexis: I don't get it. If Creason didn't do it, then how does the rug fit in?

Castle: Killer probably heard about the feud between the two of them and tried to shift suspicion, which is stupid, because without the rug, it would've just looked like a mugging gone wrong.

Alexis: So by trying to look smart, they were actually being stupid.

Castle: I think you just described the human condition.

Lanie: Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer boy?

Beckett: Yeah, well he is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-

Lanie: Fun. And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. I mean, how bad can he be?

Beckett: [answers phone] Beckett.

Castle: [excitedly] Guess who's got a date with a prostitute!

[Alexis walking in as Castle is working]

Alexis: Hey.

Castle: Hey. Finished your homework?

Alexis: Yeah.

Castle: You wanna finish mine?

Alexis: Well, that depends. How much you offering to pay me?

Castle: Oh, I taught you well.

A Chill Goes Through Her Veins [1.5]

Beckett: [about a frozen body] She's melting.

Castle: Maybe we should be looking for ruby slippers.

[After finding out the victim's husband was shot in a mugging]

Esposito: Yeah. What are the odds?

Castle: Long, unless they're connected.

Esposito: Well, four years between murders. One's a popsicle, one just got popped. How could they possibly be connected?

Castle: Maybe he and his wife got into something they couldn't get out of. Maybe something to do with a drug habit.

Ryan: So some skell waits four years to finish the job?

Castle: Maybe he finally figured out what happened to his wife and was about to go the police with it.

Ryan: I don't believe it.

Castle: Give me 250 pages, I bet I could make you.

Beckett: We're solving a murder, Castle, not writing a book.

Castle: I would call it, A Chill Runs Through Her Veins.

Esposito: Ooh, I like that.

Castle : Heh! [Two slap hands] "Bam" said the lady, another bestseller for me.

Castle: All right, so you and I are married.

Beckett: We are not married.

Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.

Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.

Castle: Scared you'll like it?

Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.

Roger: Are you two like this all the time?

Castle & Beckett: Yes.

[parked outside the home of a grandfather who killed his daughter's murderer]

Castle: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.

Beckett: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.

Beckett: This is for the life that I saved [pointing at the watch on her left arm which belongs to her father]. And. This is for the life that I lost [picking at the ring which belongs to her dead mother].

Always Buy Retail [1.6]

Castle: I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell. The hell of a deep-fried Twinkie.

Ryan: A deep-fried Twinkie?

Castle: Yeah. The guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,

Ryan and Esposito: Ah!

Castle: But a deep-fried Twinkie everyday is... [gags]

Beckett: Castle!

Castle: What?

Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.

Castle: I don't think he can hear me.

Beckett: Okay, how about a little self-respect then?

Castle: Fine.

Beckett: If she's so bad, then why did you sleep with her this morning?

Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.

Beckett: How shallow are you?

Castle: Very.

[Meredith makes a surprise at the precinct]

Castle: [introducing the team] Meredith, these are Detectives Ryan, Esposito and Detective Beckett.

Meredith: Oh, Beckett. Your new muse. Alexis told me all about it, and I simply had to stop by. You know, I was his inspiration once.

Beckett: Were you, now?

Meredith: Still am, from time to time. Right, kitten?

Beckett: [grinning] Kitten?

[Ryan and Esposito snicker in the back]

Castle: I had this dream once, only I was naked and far less embarrassed.

Castle: We're looking for a yoga studio nearby with a class that ended about 3:00.

Beckett: Maybe the woman was on her way to yoga class.

Castle: You ever try doing a half-moon pose cranked up on caffeine? Completely throws off your chi.

[hiding behind a kitchen island while getting shot at]

Beckett: [to Castle] Just stay down!

Castle: You stay down!

Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.

Castle: Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!

Home Is Where The Heart Stops [1.7]

Castle: How often are people killed in neighborhoods like this?

Beckett: Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.

Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"

Castle: Isn't that what you call them?

Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...

Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...

Ryan: ...chud, turd...

Esposito: ...destro, scall...

Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...

Esposito: ...mope...

Ryan: ...sleestak...

Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!

Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.

Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like dirtbag.

Castle: Classic!

Castle: [shouting over Beckett's gunfire] Wouldn't it be more of a challenge if they weren't standing still?!

Beckett: [stops shooting] OK Castle, you show me how it's done.

Castle: Whoo!

Beckett: All yours. [Castle clears his throat as he takes a one handed stance with his right hand] It's not a duel, Scaramouche. [Beckett turns Castle around] Here. Square off of the target. Feet shoulder distance apart. OK, gauntlet your right fist in your left palm.

Castle: [Castle accidentally fires into the wall] Oh! Shot too soon.

Beckett: Yeah, well, you know we could always just cuddle, Castle.

Castle: Oh, funny, and a smile. Good. [Castle fires again, missing the target]

Beckett: [sounding dubious] Well, that's better.

Castle: Hmm. You know I, uh, came down to ask you if I could, uhh, take home some of those stolen property photos.

Beckett: Photos of the jewellery? Why?

Castle: I dunno, I just thought it might spark something. [shoots again, hitting the target in the groin area] Oooh! That kinda hurt!

Beckett: Tell you what. You put any of the next three in the ten ring and I will give you the files.

Castle: Yeah?

Beckett: Yeah.

[Castle quickly fires three shots right in the 10 ring. Beckett stares at the target, stunned, then glares at Castle.]

Castle: [smugly] You're a very good teacher.

Beckett: The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.

Castle: Promise?

Alexis: My, dad, nervous for a date?

Castle: It's not a date - it's an undercover operation.

Martha: I don't know why you won't tell me where the party is.

Castle: Because you'll show up.

Ghosts [1.8]

Javier Esposito: If you don't mind me saying, Mrs. R., you fold a lot.

Martha Rodgers: I just don't believe in stringing along a bad hand. Why waste time?

Rick Castle: Actually, Mother's game isn't really Texas Hold 'Em. It's strip poker. Keeps things humming along, if you know what I mean.

Martha Rodgers: Well, frankly, I prefer strip because even when you lose, you win.

Susan Mailer: It's not hard to live like a ghost when everyone you love thinks you're dead. I never contacted anyone from my former life, not even my parents.

Kate Beckett: But you still sent money to the Pikes.

Susan Mailer: They had a son, medical bills. I, I was responsible. Everything could have stayed just the way it was, except...

Rick Castle: Except Cynthia decided to write a book.

Susan Mailer: That reporter put a post on an environmental board asking for info on Cynthia. I e-mailed, pretending to be an old friend of "the group." It didn't take long for me to figure out that she had found Cynthia, and Cynthia was lying about what happened on the ship.

Kate Beckett: You tracked her down. You confronted her.

Susan Mailer: I threatened to turn myself in if she went through with the book. Give myself up, tell the authorities everything. She begged to meet with me first. Somewhere we could talk.

Rick Castle: That's when you rented the room?

Susan Mailer: Oh, no. Cynthia rented the room, not me. It was all part of her plan.

Kate Beckett: Her plan?

Susan Mailer: Her plan to murder me. When I got there, she poured me a drink. "Let's toast to old friends," she said. Only, you see, I don't drink. I tried to leave. She wouldn't let me. I hid in the bathroom. That's when I saw it. The tub. Full of oil. Then I understood.

Rick Castle: She didn't plan to talk to you. She planned to kill you and make it look like suicide. That wine was laced with a sleeping pill. You were supposed to drink it, and then drown in the oil.

Kate Beckett: And then the world would think that you were wracked with guilt over the Pikes all these years, and that you finally decided to commit suicide.

Rick Castle: Once your body was discovered, the public would clamor for the true story, Cynthia's true story, with you now cast as the villain.

Susan Mailer: We struggled. She lost her balance and fell against the sink and hit her head. I should've called for help. But I just wanted it to be over. So I, I dragged her to the tub, and I ... I pushed her in. You see, I was already dead. I just wanted to keep it that way.

Kate Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.

Rick Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.

Kate Beckett: What are we playing for?

Rick Castle: Pride. Or clothing.

Little Girl Lost [1.9]

Rick Castle: So what did you think of your alter ego, Nikki? Pretty sweet, right?

Kate Beckett: Sweet? She's naked!

Rick Castle: She's not naked! She's holding a gun. Strategically.

Will Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?

Kate Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?

Will Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.

Alfred Candela: Why would you do this? Why would you put us through that? I mean, for godsake, why not just divorce me?

Theresa Candela: Oh, so that you can sue me for alimony? So that you can get half of everything? So that you can get custody of Angela because I'm at work all day and you can "be there for her"? No. I've seen what happens to the guys at work, what happened to Doug Ellers. No way was that gonna happen to me.

Richard Castle: You were paying the ransom to yourself.

Theresa Candela: Once Angela returned, I would file for the papers. There would be nothing left for him to take.

Kate Beckett: And if Angela was kidnapped when Alfred was taking care of her, then...

Theresa Candela: The lawyer said that if I could prove him negligent, I would get custody. I wouldn't have to move out of the apartment that I paid for so that he could live here with my daughter. Do you know how hard it was to adopt her? How much it cost? Ten years! [to Alfred] How many paintings have you sold, Alfred? Huh? How many?

Alfred Candela: How could you hate me so much?

Theresa Candela: You made it easy.

Richard Castle: He's like the male you. Yin needs Yang, not another Yin. Yin-Yang is harmony. Yin-Yin is... a name for a panda.

Kate Beckett: Any more wisdom, Obi-Wan?

A Death in the Family [1.10]

Beckett: I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.

Castle: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!

[Beckett and Castle find the plastic surgeon's office; she and Castle walk past a well-endowed woman; Castle stares]

Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?

Castle: Biological. We can't help it.

Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?

Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.

Martha: Nothing you can say will change how we feel. What men don't understand is the right clothes, the right shoes, the right make up, it hides the flaws we think we have, and make us look beautiful to our selves, that's what makes us look beautiful to others.

Castle: Used to be all she needed to feel beautiful was a pink tutu and a plastic tiara.

Martha: We spend our whole lives trying to feel that way again.

Castle: [Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl's going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.

Beckett: What do you mean?

Castle: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.

Ryan: I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.

Castle: What did he do?

Ryan: Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.

Castle: [to Beckett] What'd your dad do?

Beckett: [pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.

Castle: How was your date when you finally came out?

Beckett: You know what actually, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.

Castle: Nope! And now it's my turn...

Ryan: What are you planning?

Castle: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

Castle: [Trying to convince Beckett that she isn’t to blame for Sorenson being shot] You think this is your fault? Yeah, you pushed for it. Not because it's your job, but because you care. Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don't let go. You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary.