Celebrity (film)

Celebrity is a 1998 satirical comedy about an unsuccessful screenwriter in Hollywood.

Written and directed by Woody Allen.

A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous. taglines

Tony Gardella

Tom Dale. Big star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
[about Papadakis] He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.

I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.

Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you fucking blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...

No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
[to Lee] I hope you catch a break.

Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.

TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?

Dalton Freed: Birth of a Nation, an all-black version.

Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...

Lee: They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...

Tony: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.

Robin: Him, I recognize.

Tony: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.

Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?

Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.

Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...

Lee: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.

Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.

Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!

Robin: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.

Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.

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Celebrity (film)