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- Written and directed by Woody Allen.
A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous. taglines
- Tom Dale. Big star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
- [about Papadakis] He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.
- I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.
- Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.
- One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you fucking blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...
- No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
- I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- [to Lee] I hope you catch a break.
- Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.
- TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?
- Dalton Freed: Birth of a Nation, an all-black version.
- Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...
- Lee: They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...
- Tony: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.
- Robin: Him, I recognize.
- Tony: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.
- Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?
- Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.
- Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
- Lee: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.
- Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.
- Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!
- Robin: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
- Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.
- Kenneth Branagh - Lee Simon
- Judy Davis - Robin Simon
- Joe Mantegna - Tony Gardella
- Winona Ryder - Nola
- Famke Janssen - Bonnie
- Charlize Theron - Supermodel
- Melanie Griffith - Nicole Oliver
- Leonardo DiCaprio - Brandon Darrow
- Gretchen Mol - Vicky
- Kate Burton - Cheryl
- Bebe Neuwirth - Nina
- Hank Azaria - David
- Douglas McGrath - Bill Gaines
- J. K. Simmons - Souvenir Hawker
- Dylan Baker - Catholic Retreat Priest
- Debra Messing - TV Reporter
- Allison Janney - Evelyn Isaacs
- Kate Burton - Cheryl
- Gerry Becker - Jay Tepper
- Tony Sirico - Lou DeMarco
- Celia Weston - Dee Bartholomew
- Aida Turturro - Olga
- Lorri Bagley - Gina
- David Margulies - Counselor Adelman
- Jeffrey Wright - Greg
- Tony Darrow - Moving Man
- Adrian Grenier, Sam Rockwell, and John Doumanian - Darrow's Entourage
- Greg Mottola - Director
- Michael Moon - Himself/El Flamingo Band
- Donald Trump - Himself
- Ian Somerhalder - Unconfirmed
- Karen Duffy - TV Reporter
- Frank Licari - Camera Man
- Andre Gregory - John Papadakis
- A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous.