Celebrity (film)

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Celebrity is a 1998 satirical comedy about an unsuccessful screenwriter in Hollywood.

Written and directed by Woody Allen.
A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous. taglines

Tony Gardella

  • Tom Dale. Big star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
  • [about Papadakis] He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.

Nicole Oliver

  • I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.

Lee Simon

  • Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.
  • One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you fucking blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
  • Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...

Robin Simon

  • No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
  • I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
  • [to Lee] I hope you catch a break.
  • Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.


TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?
Dalton Freed: Birth of a Nation, an all-black version.

Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...
Lee: They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, solipsistic...

Tony: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.
Robin: Him, I recognize.
Tony: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.

Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?
Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.

Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
Lee: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.

Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.
Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!

Robin: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.




  • A funny look at people who will do anything to get famous... or stay famous.
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