Chastity Bites

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Chastity Bites is a 2013 comedy-horror film written by Lotti Pharriss Knowles and directed by John V. Knowles.


Noemi: I would never put anyone else down for their choice, but I think if I ever felt that tempted, I would just...get down on my knees and pray to God–
Liz Batho: NO!!! [sound of a thunderclap] You must never mention His name in here! You see, my dear, we could get into a lot of trouble for having that sort of talk in a public school, yes? Well, I think that's enough for today. See you all next time.

Leah: Paul, are we alone?
Paul: Uh, yeah.
Leah: I want to discuss De Beauvoir now.
Paul: Okay.
Leah: Paul, do you believe that one's life has value so long as one attributes value to the love of others?
Paul: Uh, yeah.
Leah: Good, good. That's very good. Do you believe that women can free themselves, both through individual action as well as...collective decisions?
Paul: Yeah. Yes. Absolutely.
Leah: Do you believe that one is not born, but rather becomes a woman?
Paul: Well, yes, but don't forget that De Beauvoir said that even the most sympathetic of men can never fully comprehend a woman's situation.
Leah: Shh, shh. Paul, we'll get to that. Right now, I need you to do me a favor.
Paul: Yes.
Leah: I need you to help me become a woman. Right now.

Liz Batho: And now, it is time to complete these black rites as the midnight hour draws near. I make this unholy sacrifice of Alban Elved to the prince of darkness. Dark lord, restore my youth and beauty, and I will continue to serve only you...forever!!
Leah: Not so fast, you eurotrash hell whore.
Katharine: Leah!
Liz: Leah. You little brat. I knew you'd make an appearance here tonight, just as your ancestor did on this night, so many moons ago.
Leah: What does that mean?
Liz: I knew I recognized your bloodline the moment I saw you, cousin.
Katharine: Cousin?!
Liz: Yes. Your friend, Leah, is a direct descendant of Emperor Matthias II, who condemned me to death by walling me inside my bedchamber. But my power was strong, and a fortnight after they buried me in the cold earth, my devoted coven brought me back. They hid me for many years until I could reclaim the castle and continue this unholy ritual that has given me...eternal life. And now, I shall take especially sweet revenge by bathing in the blood of my enemy's great-great-granddaughter.
Katharine: Leah!
Leah: Go for it, bitch. You know, I thought you might try that tonight, so I made it a point to lose my precious virginity before stopping by.
Katharine: You did? Was it with Paul?
Leah: You bet it was.
Katharine: Oh, wow. Good for you.
Liz: Silence!! No matter. I have other ways of torturing you.


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