[looking at the behinds of the Miss Black Awareness pageant contestants] I didn't come to preach to you today...But you know, when I look at these contestants! For the Miss Black Awareness Pageant, I feel good! I feel good, because I know there's a God somewhere! There's a God somewhere! Turn around ladies for me please! You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but they can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!
Now I want you to reach onto God's unchanging hand. He helped Joshua fight the Battle of Jericho. He helped Daniel escape the lion's den. He helped Gilligan get off the island.
Landlord: [brusque] Okay, now what the fuck do you want?
Prince Akeem: We desire a room.
Landlord: [angered] Look, you better not be wasting my time. You got money?! [Semmi holds up a large clip of money; landlord becomes cheerful] Come on in, gentlemen.
[Bystanders steal royal luggage after Akeem and Semmi enter]
Landlord: Sorry if I was brusque, but we get booboos who come in here with a dollar to their name. You boys obviously came in on another boat. [Man tumbles down stairwell] Hey Stu, your rent is due! Do not be giving me that falling down the stairs bullshit, you are conscious!
Prince Akeem: We seek meager accommodations.
Landlord: Beg pardon?
Prince Akeem: We require a room that is very poor.
[Landlord takes Semmi and Akeem to third floor]
Landlord: All right, there is only one bathroom on this floor, so you will have to share it. [Gives brief tour of bathroom, which is festering with bugs] Got a bit of an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. Also, whatever you do, do not use the elevator; it is a death trap. [Approaches a door with police caution tape; landlord removes tape and opens door] This room is facing the wall; used to rent it to a blind man. [Semmi looks in disgust as a rat travels around the floor with chalk marks of a man and a dog] Damn shame what they did to that dog.
Prince Akeem: We will take the room!
[stepping out to fire escape after checking out room]
Akeem: Behold, Semmi. Life. Real life! A thing that we have been denied for far too long! [shouts] Good morning, my neighbors!
Neighbor: Hey, fuck you!
Akeem: Yes, yes. Fuck you too!
[During basketball game at Madison Square Garden]
Darryl: [sarcastically] So, what do you people play in Africa? Chase the monkey?
Akeem: No, our favorite game there is football, but I believe you call it [Patrice rubs him] SOCCER!!!
Clarence: You must be out your goddamn mind! Joe Louis, the greatest boxer that ever lived. [to Akeem and Semmi] I'll be with you boys in a minute. He was badder than Cassius Clay, he was badder than Sugar Ray, and that new boy-what's his name? Mike Tyson?-looks like a bulldog; he was badder than him, too. He could whoop Mike Tyson's ass! He could whoop all of they ass!
Clarence: Oh, there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin' 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out they ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano! Let me tell you something, once and for all-Rocky Marciano was good; but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit.
Saul: He beat Joe Louis' ass.
Morris: That's right, he did whoop Joe Louis' ass.
Clarence: Joe Louis was 75 years old when they fought.
Morris: I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whooped.
Clarence: Joe Louis had come out of retirement to fight Rocky Marciano the minute he was 76 years old. Joe Louis was always lying about his age. He lied about his age all the time. One time Frank Sinatra came in here and sat in this chair. I said Frank 'you hang out with Joe Louis, just between me and you, how old is Joe Louis?' You know what Frank told me, he said "Hey, Joe Louis is 137 years old." A hundred and thirty-seven years old!
Sweets: Oh. Man, you lying, you ain't never meet no Frank Sinatra.
Clarence: [points to Morris, Saul and Sweets] Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?!
[After Akeem suddenly leaves the McDowell residence]
Lisa McDowell: He said he had to leave.
Cleo McDowell: Well, he can't leave!
Lisa: What is going on? And why have you become nice to Akeem all of a sudden?
Cleo: I like the boy!
Lisa: What are you up to?
Cleo: What? Nothing. I mean, a man has got a right to change his mind, doesn't he?
Cleo: You know, you two could make a beautiful couple.
Cleo: He's a real fine young man.
Lisa: [Snaps] Dad!
Cleo: [Excited] Okay, Lisa. He's rich. He is rich!
Cleo: He got his own money and, baby, when I tell you he's got his own money, I mean the boy has gotten his own money! [Hands Lisa a 100 Zamunda pound note] A prince. He's a prince! Oh, Lisa, you did it this time. You hit the jackpot. Your little goat herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case!
Queen Aoleon: Are you all right, my dear?
Lisa McDowell: No, it's just that...I got to get out of here.
Queen: [after Lisa leaves] What did you say to her?
King Jaffe Joffer: I told her the truth, that Akeem cannot be interested in her.
Queen: How can you be so sure?
King: Oh, come now. Our son cannot consort with such a girl.
Cleo McDowell: Now, wait a minute!
King: Oha. I know you have been inconvenienced. I am prepared to compensate you. Shall we say, one million American dollars? [Oha writes in checkbook]
Cleo: No way.
King: Very well, then, two million.
Cleo: You don't have enough money to buy my daughter off. [throws away Oha's checkbook]
Queen: Jaffe, apologize to Mr. McDowell.
King: I will do no such thing. The man is beneath me and so is his daughter.
Cleo: I don't give a damn who you are. This is America, Jack. Now, you say one more word about Lisa, and I'll break my foot off in your royal ass!
King: Pardon me?
[Akeem chases Lisa in the subway train]
Prince Akeem: Lisa, please. I did not mean to hurt you.
Lisa McDowell: Well, at least I know who gave me these. [Removes earrings] Well, you can keep 'em. I don't want them [throws earrings at Akeem] and I don't want you!
Akeem: [follows Lisa to another car] Lisa, Lisa-
Lisa: Look, just leave me alone!
Akeem: Lisa, please. I love you.
Lisa: What about the woman you're supposed to marry?
Akeem: I do not love her. Why do you think I came to America?
Lisa: Oh, your father told me to sow your royal oats!
Akeem: Oh, no. I came to America to find my bride. I came to Queens to find you.
Lisa: So why did you lie to me? Why didn't you just say that you were a prince?
Akeem: Because I wanted you to love me for who I am.
Lisa: I'm not sure who you are anymore.
Akeem: I'm the man you fell in love with. Should it matter that I am a prince?
Lisa: You shouldn't, but I-
Akeem: Just tell me you didn't love me when you thought I was a goat herder, and I will never bother you ever again.
Lisa: It just wouldn't work out, we're too different. You're royalty, for God's sake!
Akeem: You want me to renounce my throne? I will. [calls out to passengers] From this moment on, I renounce my throne. I'm no longer the prince of Zamunda. I renounce my throne! [back to Lisa after passengers feel indifferent] Does this make you happy?
Lisa: [looks at nearby passengers] I can't let you do that.
Akeem: I do not care about my crown. All I care about is you. Marry me, Lisa.
Black Man: [to white woman beside him] So what do you think?
White Woman: Go on, honey. Take a chance!
Lisa: [after train arrives at next stop] Look, I'm sorry I can't. [Tearful] Goodbye Akeem.