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Cracker (1993–2006) is a British television crime drama about an expert criminal psychologist who is also an avowed drunkard and gambler. In spite of marital and family problems, he has a knack for getting inside the minds of the criminally disturbed, and is called upon to assist the police in difficult cases that they cannot otherwise solve. It was created and principally written by Jimmy McGovern.

Season 1[edit]

The Mad Woman in the Attic [1.1][edit]

To Say I Love You [1.2][edit]

One Day A Lemming Will Fly [1.3][edit]

[during the hearing of suspect's girlfriend]
Jimmy Beck: Sex?
Leslie: No thanks.
Jimmy Beck: Did you have sex?
Leslie: Yes.
Jimmy Beck: What was it like?
Leslie: None of your business!
Jimmy Beck: What would you say if I told you he was queer?
Leslie: I'd say that you were the one with a mustache.

Jimmy Beck: Shall I tell you why I can't stand lesbians?
Eddie "Fitz" Fitzgerald: Please.
Jimmy Beck: Queers are OK, as long as I don't turn my back on you, you're OK. Two queers doing it, that's two women going spare. But two lesbians doing it, that's two men going short.
Eddie "Fitz" Fitzgerald: You can tell he reads The Guardian can't you?

[repeated lines]
Nigel Cassidy: I marked books, I jogged. I marked more books.

Judith Fitzgerald: I've had opportunities Fitz, more than most. Men see me, they see you sitting next to me, overweight, pissed, arguing with someone at the next table. Totally ignoring me until you've smashed him into an intellectual pulp, they assume I'm available.

Season 2[edit]

To Be a Somebody [2.1][edit]

[Bilborough is pointing at a Manchester United poster to a white power skinhead.]
Billborough: Ince is black! Dublin is black! Parker is black! Schmeichel's a Dane! Kanchelskis is a bloody Ukrainian and Cantona's French! You stupid soft sod.

[Fitz is in the express line in a supermarket]
Old Woman: Er, eight items!
Fitz: [turns around] I've got eight items!
Old Woman: No you haven't!
Fitz: [sighs] Three bottles of whiskey constitutes one item.
Old Woman: Three items!
Fitz: One item! Two loaves of bread constitutes one item. Two dozen eggs constitutes one item!
Old Woman: Two, and two...
Fitz: Six frozen lasagnas constitutes one item!
Old Woman: Six?
Fitz: Four Cornish pasties constitutes one item!
Old Woman: [to the cashier] Could you call the supervisor, please?
Fitz: And three steak-and-kidney bastard pies also constitutes ONE BLOODY ITEM!
[the check stand's alarm starts ringing]
Fitz: Oh, for God's sake...

The Big Crunch [2.2][edit]

Men Should Weep [2.3][edit]

Season 3[edit]

Brotherly Love [3.1][edit]

Eddie "Fitz" Fitzgerald: I drink too much, I smoke too much, I gamble too much. I am too much.

Best Boys [3.2][edit]

True Romance [3.3][edit]

Special episode: White Ghost (1996)[edit]

Special episode: A New Terror (2006)[edit]


External links[edit]

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