Daddy Day Care
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- Directed by Steve Carr. Written by Geoff Rodkey.
D-Day Is Coming (taglines)
- [walking into Chapman Academy] Look at this place. It's Princeton for preschoolers.
- [while leading Miss Harridan into his house] Is there anything I can get you to drink? Coffee, tea, water, eye of newt?
- If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.
- Any boob can run a day-care center, but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on: a family.
- When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!
- Let's get safety gate crazy.
- THIS STUFF– IS NOT FOR SALE!
- [While Charlie is explaining a play for football] How about we just run in a circle?
- Charlie: What's going on?
- Phil: Your worst nightmare.
- Charlie: What?
- Phil: Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.
- Kim: How was your day, baby?
- Charlie: I lost my J-O-B.
- Kim: You lost your J-O-B?
- Charlie: I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.
- Kim: They cannot do that.
- [Miss Harridan reads a flyer for a fundraiser called "Rock for Daddy Day Care"]
- Miss Harridan: "Rock for Daddy Day Care. Help us finance our new permanent home." [put the flyer on her desk; to Jenny] Do you know what this means?
- Jenny: It's a chance to improve ourselves through a little healthy competition?
- Miss Harridan: [frustrated] No, you bubble-headed idiot. It's a death sentence. If they get their hands on a big enough space, they'll ruin me. They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun. [turns away in anger] I should've crushed them in the beginning when they were weak. It'll be harder now, but I have no choice. I've got to stop them.
- Jenny: How're you gonna do that?
- [Miss Harridan turns back to Jenny and smiles cruelly]
- Miss Harridan: By any means necessary.
- Becca: We need more learning about things!
- Charlie: More learning about things?
- Becca: Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!
- Charlie [to Phil]: Today, we need some organization and planned activities.
- Phil: No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
- Jamie's Mom [to Jamie]: Who are you going to call if there's any problem? (gives her a phone)
- Jamie: 911, Mommy.
- Jamie's Mom: Oh, such a good girl!
- D-Day Is Coming
- Who's your Daddy?
- Eddie Murphy – Charlie Hinton
- Jeff Garlin – Phil
- Steve Zahn – Marvin
- Regina King – Kim Hinton
- Anjelica Huston – Miss Harridan
- Lacey Chabert – Jenny, Miss Harridan's assistant
- Kevin Nealon – Bruce
- Jonathan Katz – Dan Kubitz
- Shane Baumel – Crispin
- Max Burkholder – Max Ryerson, Phil's son
- Jimmy Bennett – Flash/Tony
- Leila Arcieri – Kelli
- Khamani Griffin – Ben Hinton
- Elle Fanning – Jamie
- Felix Achille – Dylan
- Hailey Noelle Johnson – Becca
- Siobhan Fallon Hogan – Peggy
- Arthur Young – Nicky
- Wallace Langham – Jim Fields
- Lisa Edelstein – Crispin's mother