Daddy Day Care
- Directed by Steve Carr. Written by Geoff Rodkey.
- [walking into Chapman Academy] Look at this place. It's Princeton for preschoolers.
- [while leading Miss Harridan into his house] Is there anything I can get you to drink? Coffee, tea, water, eye of newt?
- If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.
- Any boob can run a day-care center, but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on: a family.
- When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!
- Let's get safety gate crazy.
- [While Charlie is explaining a play for football] How about we just run in a circle?
- Charlie: What's going on?
- Phil: Your worst nightmare.
- Charlie: What?
- Phil: Mr. Broccoli's a no-show
- Crispin: But, head.
- Charlie: Owww… [loudly voice] Your shot up!
- Kim: How was your day, baby?
- Charlie: I lost my J-O-B.
- Kim: You lost your J-O-B?
- Charlie: I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.
- [After reading an advertisement for a fund-raiser for Daddy Day Care]
- Miss Harridan: They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun.
- Becca: We need more learning about things!
- Charlie: More learning about things?
- Becca: Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!
- Charlie [to Phil]: Today, we need some organization and planned activities.
- Phil: No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
- Jamie's Mom [to Jamie]: Who are you going to call if there's any problem? (gives her a phone)
- Jamie: 911, Mommy.
- Jamie's Mom: Oh, such a good girl!
- D-Day Is Coming
- Who's your Daddy?
- Eddie Murphy - Charlie Hinton
- Jeff Garlin - Phil
- Steve Zahn - Marvin
- Regina King - Kim Hinton
- Angelica Huston - Miss Harridan
- Lacey Chabert - Jenny, Miss Harridan's assistant
- Kevin Nealon - Bruce
- Jonathen Kaltz - Dan Kubitz
- Shane Baumel - Crispin
- Max Burkholder - Max Ryerson, Phil's son
- Jimmy Bennett - Flash/Tony
- Leila Arcieri - Kelli
- Khamani Griffin - Ben Hinton
- Elle Fanning - Jamie
- Felix Achille - Dylan
- Hailey Noelle Johnson - Becca
- Siobhan Fallon Hogan - Peggy
- Arthur Young - Nicky
- Wallace Langham - Jim Fields
- Lisa Edelestein - Crispin's mother