Dexter's Laboratory is an animated show created by Genndy Tartakovsky. It follows the adventures of a boy genius named Dexter, who has a secret laboratory hidden behind a bookshelf in his bedroom. His enemy and rival is a boy named Mandark, but he feuds even more often with his older sister Dee Dee.
- Factory Worker #1: Sir, he can't make much long!
- Factory Worker #2: Just a little longer.
- Factory Worker #3: His sim asses are firing in arming incredibly rage.
- Factory Worker #4: Puncher rising!
- Factory Worker #5: She can't take it!
- Factory Worker #6: She's gonna blow!
- [Angrily, Dexter's face turns red, and Dexter begins to let out a loud yell with rage]
- Factory Worker #7: RUN!!! (The factory workers flee and run away)
- [Cut to the outside of Dexter's Lab, Dexter explodes his clothes off and causes fires in his lab]
- [The same explosion, the brain factory explodes]
- [After the explosion, Dexter was seen naked and filled with rage]
- Factory Worker #8: Shut it down.
- [The factory workers shut down the emotion factory]
- [After the emotion factory shuts down, Dexter is seen naked and emotionless]
- Factory Worker #9: He said all the systems have shut down.
- Neighbor Boy: Hey, everyone! Dexter's running around in his underpants! (echoing) Underpants! Underpants! Underpants!
- [As Dexter fills himself to maximum capacity with a water nose,he sprays everywhere]
- Dee Dee: Oh Dexter! Dexter! Dexter! Come quick! You have to help! It's terrible! You sent me and you're all gross and-
- Dexter: [Annoyed] This better be important, woman. You are interrupting my very delicate calculations.
- Dee Dee: I have a message for you from the future.
- Dexter: [Taps his index finger on the table] From the future, huh?
- Dee Dee: Yes. You sent me back in time to-
- Dexter: Stop! If there was a message so important that it would require time travel, I would certainly not entrust it to my idiot sister. I would send myself. In other words...[Shouting] I would not send you back in time even if..! If..if...[Shouting] I was being eaten alive!
- Dee Dee: [Sobbing] Oh Dexter! Why are you being so terrible?!
- Dexter: Please...I have no time for your tears. Why don't you go back outside and talk to trees or whatever it is you do?
- Dee Dee: Fine! I will! And I'm not ever giving you the message! [Runs out of the lab, crying]
- Dexter: [Shrugs it off and continues work] Fine with me.
Dial M for Monkey: Magmanamus
- [Dad happily returns home to find two smoking robots and the shifty looking kids]
- Dad: Hello honey! Hello Dexter! Hello Dee Dee! Hello honey! (heads upstairs) Hello honey!
- Dexter: [Hands his excuse note to the "Coach" and happly walks away] If you need me, I'll be in the Science Lab.
- Substitute Coach: What is this crap?
- Dexter: [Turns around in shock] Who are you?
- Substitute Coach: I'm your Substitute Coach.
- Dexter: But, But, But...
- Substitute Coach: QUIET!
- Dexter:...But My Excuse!
- Substitute Coach: [Rips the excuse letter in half] What Excuse?! Now! Suit up!
- Dee Dee: You're out!
Dial M for Monkey: Rasslor
- Rasslor: Welcome heroes of Earth!! You have been chosen to receive the most glorious of gifts! The opportunity to face me, the great Rasslor, in a contest of strength and skill! For Aeons, I have scoured the cosmos searching for the one adversary who could provide me with suitable sport! Although, I have yet to find such a noble soul. Each creature, each race, more pitiful than the last. So I spare them the disgrace of their weakness by destroying their worlds! And now my quest has brought me to this timid little planet you call Earth. So, terrestrial heroes, can one of you quench my thirst for the divine conflict, the supreme struggle?! Or will your planet be doomed to the same fate that has befallen so many?
- [The heroes stare at him, confused]
- Heroes: ...What?
- Rasslor: Fight me or I destroy the Earth! Now let the games begin!
- Rasslor: Incredible. I could crush your body, I could smash your bones, but I could never break your spirit. You are a marvel little monkey. Any world that could spawn one as noble as you is truly blessed. I SPARE YOUR EARTH!!!
- Dexter: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
- Dexter: [sweetly] Assistant?
- Dee Dee: Yes?
- Dexter: Would you please assist me by...SHUTTING UP!?
- Mandark: Yes, Dexter, I can read your thoughts, and I am smarter than you.
- Mandark: Welcome to my laboratory! (Echoing: Laboratory! Laboratory!)
- Dexter: [to the audience] Anybody want to buy a dinosaur? [episode ends]
Dee Dee's Room
- Dexter: Why am I breathing so hard?
Star Spangled Sidekicks
- Dee Dee: [laughs at Dexter's speech for wanting to be Major Glory's sidekick]
- Dexter: And what is so humorous about that? [Dee Dee continues laughing] Dee Dee stop this laughing this instant!
- Dee Dee: Okay, okay Dexter, don't get your underwear into a wrinkle. Look...You're my brother and all so I'll be honest with ya...[amused] You've gotta be kidding me! [seriously] You don't got what takes. Just look at ya...[measures Dexter] You're two foot nothing. [camera zooms on Dexter's glasses] You can barely see [puts her arm around Dexter's shoulder] and besides everything...You're a dork! [smiles]
- Dexter: [yells in frustration]
- Dexter: And I suppose you have what it takes to be a superhero's sidekick?
- Dee Dee: [shrugs] Of course. I have style, pizzazz, and I can punch and kick some. You know. [Dexter opens his mouth to talk] Yes?
- Dexter: [drops it] Forget it. [walks upstairs] There's nothing to be said. I will be Major Glory's sidekick and you will not.
- Dee Dee: [shouts upstairs] That's what you think Dexter!
- Dexter: No, Dee Dee! That's what I know.
- Dexter: 'Master Computer?' Wow dad, thanks, a video game... An OLD video game...
- Dad: Well, I know how much you like gadgets and stuff, Dexter, but what you've got there is more than just a video game: It's a bargain! Got it for a nickel from a gypsy!
- Dee Dee: Hello!
- Dexter: Dee Dee, get off the phone!
- Dee Dee: Okay, but I'm still trying to find whatever it was I was looking for.
- Dexter: Great, okay, bye.
- Dee Dee: Bye!
- Dexter: Bye.
- Dee Dee: Bye!
- Dexter: BYE!
- Dexter: (sounds like Lisa's boyfriend on her end of the phone) Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with....with...my football. Bye.
- Dexter: Well, if you are the grandfather of all knowledge, that means it's...I'M IN A NIGHTMARE!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
The Big Cheese
- Dexter: Omelette du fromage.
Way of the Dee Dee
- Dexter: (enraged at Dee Dee) WHY DO YOU DO THIS?! YOU ARE SO STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Oh, and let's not forget...YOU'RE SO STUPID!
- Dee Dee: Ow! (Rubs her face) Oh yeah!? Well just because I know how to have fun doesn't mean I'm stupid! I may not know all that scientifical makna logical stuff, but I know how to climb a tree, and I know how to pet a kitty just right. And I know how to tie my own shoes Mr zipper boot!... Actually, I feel sorry for you, Dexter. You're like a pickle - sour, and all bottled up in your laboratory. Toiling away alone in the dark, searching for answers to questions nobody asked. Locked away from the world, never to experience the true mysteries of life. Well, you can keep your cold, sterile little lab, because for me, the world is my laboratory! Goodbye, Dexter. I shan't impose on you ever again.
- [She leaves the lab; after a moment of silent contemplation, Dexter rushes out after her]
- Dexter: DEE DEE! [sadly] Everything you said was true! I don't want to be a pickle! But I need your help. Show me the way to be free, show me the way of the Dee Dee!
- Dee Dee: Discard those ravlings which tie you to the lab. [Dexter looks down at his clothes] There must be a stripping of the old, before you start anew. [The next shot shows Dexter in just his underwear and gloves, in a nervous "Ta-Da!" pose] AND the gloves. [He reluctantly pulls them off] Now step into the light.
- Dexter: But, I don't have any sunscreen.
- Dee Dee: Do not fear, little one. The first step is always the hardest.
- Dee Dee: [slaps Dexter] Stop it, Dexter! Look at yourself! You are a MONSTER! No longer a quiet creator but a mad destroyer! [sobs] I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have pushed you! I know now it wasn't my place to try to change you! Oh, Dexter! Please, forgive me! [leaves Dexter's lab] OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! [still sobbing]
Say Uncle Sam
- Major Glory: Now we are going to over this again and again and again untill we get it right! Comprende?
- [Valhallen and Crunk glare at Major Glory angrily]
- Major Glory: [Nervously] Perhaps I've pushed you too hard
- Major Glory: Uncle Sam! What happened to you?!
- Uncle Sam: Doctor's orders, nephew. Told me I was too high strung. Told me to loosen up. And I feel great.
- Dexter: This isn't one of your stupid knock-knock jokes, is it?
- Dee Dee: [as a spider-like monster] Dexter! I see you!
- Dexter: [drinks a vat of chemical waste nearby and confronts Dee Dee as a Godzilla-like monster] This ends now!
- Dee Dee: But I'm not finished!
- [Dee Dee defeats Dexter after they fight as giant monsters]
- Dee Dee: NOW you'll listen! So the boy told the girl in the park on the pony... "Knock-knock!"
- Dexter: NOOOOOO!!!!
Beard to Be Feared
- Dee Dee: That is one rugged brother...
- Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee: Shut your mouth!
- Dee Dee: I'm only talkin' 'bout Dexter.
- Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee: We can dig it.
- Dexter: Ants are...
- Dee Dee: Icky!
- Dexter: To be respected.
- Dee Dee: Icky!
- Dexter: To be respected.
- Dee Dee: Icky!
- Dexter: To be respected.
- Evil Commander: We will meet again, little man.
- Pedro The Mouse: Yes!
That Crazy Robot
- Mom: (To Dee Dee) Dee Dee, you've got to go to school.
- Dee Dee: (To the robot) School schmool. I want to stay home and play with you!
- Robot: I'll come to school with you.
- Dee Dee: Silly robot! School is for kids.
- Robot: Please? I'll polish your pencils, carry your books, eat your sandwich, yum. (bites sandwich)
D & DD
- Dee Dee: You can be this guy!
- Dexter: What?!
- Valerian: Well, it seems Hodo the furry-footed burrower has joined in our quest!
- Dexter: I don't wanna be no furry-footed burrower.
- Dexter/Hodo: I unsheath my deadly...mandolin?!
- Dee Dee/Bachelorette: Okay, say we're stranded alone on an island. Do you have any skills that would come in handy, bachelor number 4?
- Dexter/Hodo: I'd dig holes.
Hamhocks and Armlocks
- Dexter: [Shouting at the truck passing by] Hey! Who do you think you are?! King of the Road?!
- Dexter: What are Hamhocks?
- Dee Dee: They're gross!
- Dad: Earl! You can humilate me. You can destroy my property. But don't you ever close a door on a lady, especially my Wife! You and me wrestle. Be there...or be square!
- Dad: Earl! You ready, Earl? Let's do this!
The Koos is Loose
- Koosalagoopagoop: You know, if you turn your lips inside out, you can look like Jimmy Carter.
Dee Dee Locks and the Ness Monster
- Wolf: I blow 'is block off unless you can guess my name!
- Dee Dee Locks: The, uh...Little Bad Wolf?
- Wolf: Ze what bad wolf?
- Dee Dee Locks: The, uh, Small Bad Wolf-?
- Wolf: (growls)
- Dee -Dee Locks: The, uh, medium-?
- Wolf: (growls)
- Dee Dee Locks: Big...Bad Wolf?
- Wolf: (laughs appreciatively)
- Dee Dee Locks: (nudging companions) Ja, everyone, it's the 'Big' Bad Wolf.
- Dexter: More learning material...? [gasps and looks at the library stamp] No stamp?! This book has been illegally checked out!
- Mrs L: Oh, Dexter, how could you? Your actions have brought shame upon this library! For this you shall be punished! YOU'RE BANNED FROM THE LIBRARY FOREVER! [stamps Dexter's head that is written banned as he falls he saw Mrs L's face, three biting books, Dee Dee's creepy face with creepy teeth Dexter's Dad's face and the fire that resembles hell]
- Dexter: AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
- Dee Dee: Good-bye, Dexter.
- Dexter's Dad: You are welcome.
- Dexter: AAAAAAAAAAHH! [falls into the hole from the book written inferno Dante's with the pitchfork sign on it as he landed on a book chair]
- Devil: [slaps Dexter while he is laughing at Dexter] Welcome to library heck. [then he starts the evil laugh]
- Dexter: The book must be returned. Just do it!
- Dee Dee: Hey! Librari-ann! We quit! You win!
- Dexter: Traitor!
- Mrs L: What? Why, Dee Dee, thank you for apprehending your loudmouth brother. I see good things in your future. [to Dexter, unhappily] And as for you, Mr. Dexter...
- Dexter: [grumbles to himself and shakes]
- Dexter: [reading a story for Dee Dee and several other kids] And so, after Prince asked Mr. Grumpster to leave nicely, everyone in Snuggleville gave each other a warm, fuzzy hug. The end. ...Blech.
Shoo, Shoe Gnomes
- [After learning that Dee Dee was gonna pass out cookies to the gnomes]
- Dexter: Stupid me.
Lab of the Lost
- Dexter: Look, there's R2-D2!
- [Later that night, Dexter guzzles down apple juice and cannot stop drinking it despite his bloated belly]
- [Dexter, who has somehow gotten the "Dee Dee" label off, and Dee Dee are being made to clean off every single label as punishment for the mess they made]
- Dexter: I sure hope you're happy, Dee Dee, considering this is all your fault.
- Dee Dee: No way! YOU started it, Dorkster! YOU put labels on all my dolls!
- Dexter: Well, you were the one that labeled all the food!
- Dexter's Mom: Honey, why is the carpet all wet here?
Filet of Soul
- Dad: What can we say about our beloved Fishy?
- Dee Dee: Not much, we only had him for one day.
- Dexter: Good night Einstein. Good night Major Glory! Good night, ghost of dead Fishy.
- Dexter: Dee Dee! Did you see the disgusting spook-fish that almost killed me?
- Dee Dee: No. I just like to run around and scream real loud!
- Dexter: Dee Dee! [Dee Dee is flushed down into the toilet bowl] No! Dee Dee, come back! Dee Dee, I'm ordering you to come out of this toilet!
- Dee Dee: [her apparition appears in the shower] Dexter, help me! I am trapped in the Sewer Beyond!
- Dexter: No, you're not! I just saw you go down the toilet!
- Dee Dee: Listen to me! There's lots of bad fishies and stuff here and they won't let me go! They won't rest until Fishy is on the other side! You've got to flush Fishy, Dexter!
- Dexter: [tries to reach Fishy's corpse] Can't reach! It's no use! My arms, they are too short!
- Dee Dee: Come on, genius boy! Figure it out!
- Dexter: [grabs a toilet plunger and pulls Dee Dee out. The apparition of Dee Dee disappears from the shower and Dee Dee is freed] Dee Dee, flush the fish, NOW!
- [Dee Dee tosses Fishy's corpse into the toilet bowl and flushes it down]
- Dee Dee: Whew! I'm sure glad that's over. Huh?
- [A tentacle extends out of the toilet bowl, grabs Dee Dee and pulls her back into the toilet]
- Dexter: LOOK OUT! EGAD!
- Dee Dee: Help me! Dexter, it's pulling me back, and they're angry, Dexter, REAL ANGRY!
- Dexter: [grabs the handle trying to pull Dee Dee free] Why?! We flushed the stupid fish!
- Dee Dee: Its soul, Dexter! It's still in the trap! [the Apparition Containment Unit shakes up with a WARNING signal active in Dexter's room] DO SOMETHING! [Dexter reaches for the fishing rod and grabs it just as the toilet begins flushing her down] HEEEEEEEELP!!!
- [Dexter casts his fishing rod. The line extends from the bathroom to Dexter's room, at which point the hook presses the containment unit's "open" button. This frees Fishy's soul and he follows the fishing line's path into the bathroom. Just as Dexter pulls Dee Dee out of the toilet, Fishy happily goes down into it and travels into the Sewer Beyond, departing into the afterlife]
- Dad: How many times have I told you? Early morning is daddy's special bathroom privacy time. [Upon the flash of lightning, he gains golden glowing eyes with slit pupils and sharp teeth and laughs maniacally]
- Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans: You crazy girl! Look what you've done!
- Professor Hawk: Not to worry boys. [to Dee Dee] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. Thank you.
- Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans: Hey! Hey! Hey! What's happening here, Professor?
- Professor Hawk: Oh, now, boys, hold on. It's very simple. You see, for the past several years I focused on brain power leading my body to wither. But this young princess reminded me how important my body was, with her innocence and naivety.
- Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans: Princess?! But what about the mysterious grand prize?
- Professor Hawk: Mmm-hmm. You're right. I've got it! Let's have dance contest. Whoever wins, wins the factory!
- Dexter: I know she is my sister, a girl and the neighbourhood champ, but could you please tell Dee Dee to stop PUMMELLING ME WITH SNOWBALLS?!
- Dad: Did you say...snowballs?
- Dexter: Uh....Yeah....
- Dad: They...called me Champ. Back when I had...the gift. (flashes back to his childhood) I was a natural from day one. As I grew, so did my skills. In high school, I was untouchable!
- High school kid: Hey, grow up man!
- Dad (VO): They were all just jealous! Jealous of my powers! For I was a king, a force of nature, I was the ultimate snowball warrior! Then I went to college. I was never the same again! (remembers being struck by one snowball)
- Dad: That....was the coldest winter...ever... But that's where you come in! You can help me reclaim my title!
- Dexter: Why not just let Dee Dee do it?
- Dad: No! Her powers are evil. Only as father and son can we truly carry on the legacy. Let the training begin!
- Dad: Dexter, five words: Scoop, roll, throw, hit, duck!
- Dad: The first thing any racer needs is a car! All the best racers drive cars it's how they go but cars don't grow on trees! Except this one 'cos it's made of wood. Behold, the Mock 5!
- Mandark: It's Racer D! The most beautiful racer in the world! Racer D.... [crashes his kart]
- Dad: I can't look, did he crash? No! No, he did just the opposite, he won! Winning is the part I enjoy most about racing especially when the winner is my son! Congratulations Dexter, you've made me very proud.
- Dexter: Thanks, Dad.
- Dad: If only your.... [sniffling] older sister Dee Dee were here to see this...
- Dee Dee: I'm right here, Dad!
- Dad: Oh, Dee Dee..! Dee Dee, where have you been all these years?!
- Dee Dee: Right behind you.
- Dad: Oh, you know I never look back there, ha-ha!
Dexter: Huh?! No, Monkey! That's not candy! That's boiling lava!
Ewww That's Growth
- Dee Dee: Hey Dexter, looks like we're next. Dexter?!
- Dexter: Oh boy! Oh boy! We're in this!
- Dexter: I'm on top of the WORLD!!!
- Dexter: This is the greatest day of my entire life! [his head gets hit by the top edge of the roller coaster's tunnel]
- Dee Dee: [narrating] Dexter, I have hidden your funny glowy thing! Now you have to find it! Just follow the clues! Won't this be fun?
- Dexter: Dee Dee! She does not realize the danger she has caused! If I do not retrieve the nuclear core in 1 hour, it will meltdown, causing a chain reaction which will destroy the Earth! And I won't be able to read my book! [runs] No time to waste!
- Dexter: [reads] Clue #1. Apple, cherry, blueberry. Are squared. Which pie holds the next clue?
- Dexter's Mom: Dexter? [Dexter turns] If you wanted some pie, all you have to do is ask. Which flavour do you want?
- Dexter: One of each.
- Dexter: Once again, my enormous intellect has triumphed. Now I can test my new lamp and read my book and... No! The book is gone? How can--? Huh? [reads the paper]
- Dee Dee: [narrating] Dear Dexter, if you want to get your book back, just follow the clues!
- Dexter: Nooo! Deeee Deeeeee!
A Hard Day's Day
- Dee Dee: Mom! Dexter's mooning me!
- Dee Dee: Can't catch me!
The Justice Friends: Things That Go Bonk in the Night
- Major Glory: You want a piece of me, junior?!
- Puppet Pal Mitch: Oh-hoo! You're bonking up the wrong tree, buddy!
- [Rainy day. Dee Dee and Dexter are standing at the bus stop in their raingear. Dexter has a big grin on his face]
- Dee Dee: What are you so happy about, Dexter? I thought you hated camp.
- Dexter: I do. But I'm not going to some old regular camp. I'm going to a cool camp.
- Dee Dee: Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm going to space camp.
- Dexter: Space? Been there, done that.
Dexter is Dirty
- Mom: Dex, it's time for your bath!
- Dexter: But I'll miss my show!
- Mom: Don't argue with me, young man, just do it!
Ice Cream Scream
- Ice Cream Man: You are wanting to know why? You mean you do not remember?
- Dexter: Remember what?
- Ice Cream Man: April 19, one year ago: It is first day on job. Everything is going great, until you come. You want the most expensive ice cream. I make suggestion of cheaper ice cream, but no, you want expensive one. And after I'm giving you ice cream, you pay with PENNIES. Do you know how long it took me to count those pennies?
- Dexter: Emm... at an average human rate, I'd estimate about 5 hours and 33 minutes?
- Ice Cream Man: Precisely. And when the counting was done, it is time to put pennies in safe. Then I'm noticing my shoelaces untied. Now, I couldn't very well stop to tie my shoes since somebody had given me a heavy jar of pennies to hold, and the ice cream man rules say to keep any amount of money OVER a dollar in the safe. So, I trip, and I break my tooth. The pain, it is so bad. My girlfriend left me, I lose apartment, I lose car, I'm forced to live on the freeway with wild animals, I CAN'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM BECAUSE OF THE PAIN! ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID PENNIES!! (screams angrily, then breathes hardly)
- Dexter: (chuckles) You know, I still have all of my baby teeth. Ern... I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really, REALLY sorry.
- Ice Cream Man: Forget about it, kid.
- Dexter: Well, in that bad case, can I order my ice cream now?
- Ice Cream Man: Sure.
- Dexter: I'll just have a Choco-Pop, please. (The Ice Cream Man gives him a Choco-Pop ice cream) At last, ice cream to eat!
- Ice Cream Man: Dollar fifty, please.
- Dexter: (gives a hundred dollar bill to Ice Cream Man) You got change for a hundred?
- (Ice Cream Man screams angrily again)
Decode of Honor
- Tattooist: So, what image shall I forever scar into your skin? A skull head, a flaming skull head, or the flaming skull head-snake-rose combo?
- Dee Dee: Um, the club didn't specify, but I was thinking maybe a....gingerbread man?
- Tattooist: .....You mean like....the one on the end of my finger? 'Well, that's no problem, little girl! Hee hee hee!'
- Action Hank: Breakfast is no longer being served! Prepare to get brunched in the face!
- Ultrabot 2000: Greetings, Dexter. Welcome to my laboratory.
- Dexter: Emm, excuse me. But, did you say your laboratory?
- Ultrabot 2000: Yes, Dexter. My laboratory. While you slumbered, I began an analysis of your primitive laboratory finding it to be highly inefficient. I discovered that by salvaging useful components and destroying obsolete ones, I was able to create this tower capable of performing functions thousands of times greater than its predecessor, rendering a former laboratory and its creator obsolete. And all obsolete materials must be destroyed.
- Dexter: [chuckles] Well, then. It sounds like you had a busy night. I'll just unplug it for a little while and you can get some rest. [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him]
- Dexter: I have created a monster. I got to destroy him.
- Ultrabot 2000: I heard that. [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him again]
- Dexter: His laboratory, eh? We'll just see about that.
- Dee Dee: [arrives] Hi, Dexter!
- Ultrabot 2000: Attention, new organism. You are intruding in my laboratory. Prepare to be destroyed.
- Dee Dee: Hey, Dexter, what are you doing way up there?
- Ultrabot 2000: I am not Dexter. Dexter is obsolete. I am Ultrabot 2000.
- Dee Dee: Gee, Dexter. You look like Dexter.
- Ultrabot 2000: Not Dexter. Ultrabot 2000. Dexter is obsolete.
- Dee Dee: You sound like Dexter too, Dexter.
- Ultrabot 2000: Dexter is obsolete and must be destroyed. I am Omnibot, the most efficient life form in the universe.
- Dee Dee: Boy, you sure act like Dexter. And if you look like Dexter, sound like Dexter and act like Dexter, then you MUST be Dexter!
- Ultrabot 2000: [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Units aim at it] I am not Dexter. Dexter must be destroyed.
- Dee Dee: Whatever you say, Dexter. OK, see you later, Dexter. [leaves]
- Ultrabot 2000: [last words] No. Wait. Don't listen to her. [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Units attack it and the control tower explodes] [Dexter approaches Omnibot's slightly active eye and kicks it, shutting it down]
Dee Dee Be Deep
- Dee Dee: [Singing] What's with all the noise, Dexter?!
Down in the Dumps
- Dexter: Da-da-da-dum!
The Muffin King
- Dad: Like them? Like them?! Kids, I love your mother's muffins! More than life itself. Those muffins are the reason I married your mother.
- Dad: [Dressed as Mom] Muffin Time!!
- Dad:[Hidden in the dark] Dexter. Son, could you come in here for a moment? I need to talk to you.
- Dexter: And just what is it you want?
- Dad:[steps out of the shadows, with a presence like Darth Vader] Dexter. I... am your father!
- Dexter[shocked]That is not possible![but returns back to reality]Oh wait, no, you're right.
- Dad: So join me! Come to the Muffin Side. Do not resist. It is your destiny.
- Dexter: Never!
- Dexter: We are free!!!
- Prison Warden: Looks like you broke into the state prison.
Don't Be a Baby
- Dexter: Computer, what the heck is going on?!
- Computer: Goo goo ga ga goo goo pee-pee!
- Dexter: Hmm, yes, pee-pee...
- Dee Dee: Dad stop being a stinker!
- [She picks Dad up and then sniffs the air smelling something stinky]
- Dee Dee: Ew, speaking of stinky...time to change your diaper!
- [She sets Dad down on the floor and proceeds to change his diaper, afterwards holding up the dirty diaper which has a large brown spot on the seat]
- Dee Dee: That's better...now a little powder.
- [She sprinkles a whole lot of baby powder which fills the air causing Dad to cough]
- Dee Dee: All done!
- Dexter's Dad: Hmm... What the? [cuts to mugs leaking coffee, coffee pot, and milk] The kitchen's a mess. Something wrong here. [eyes go open] [searches through cabinets] Coffee, coffee, where's the coffee? Hello, coffee? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE COFFEE?!?!?!
- Dee Dee: Uh...
- Dexter and Dee Dee: We drank it all. [Dad looks shocked, then eerily calm]
- Dexter's Dad: You... drank the coffee? [laughs] You two drank the coffee?
- Dexter and Dee Dee: [nervous giggling]
- Dexter's Dad: [laughing] [goes upset] Where did I go wrong? I thought I was a good father. I thought I brought you kids up right. You see, kids, coffee is what we adults need to get started in the morning. It's the key to our ignition. You kids don't need it. No. You've got youth. We adults need the coffee. But now, all we have is... [holds up empty coffee pot] THIS!!! [tries to get a drop from the coffee pot but nothing comes out] Empty! A mere shell of its former self! I've seen some pretty horrible things in my life. But this... this is just... [lowers his voice to a hiss] SICK! [sobbing]
- [Dexter and Dee standing in front of Dexter's parents in their morning clothes drinking coffee]
- Dexter's Dad: Everything is going to be OKAY! We had coffee after all! [with a bit frightened look] But what if we didn't?
Dee Dee's Tail
- Mee Mee and Lee Lee: Why are you crying?
- Dee Dee: I wanna be a real Ponypuff Princess, instead of just pretending.
- Mee Mee: Oh. Girl, are you feeling all right?
- Dee Dee: NO I AM NOT FEELING ALL RIGHT!! [Throws a toy pony at Mee Mee]
- Mee Mee: HEY! Watch it, girl, this is my house! And we don't play that at my house, Mm-mm.
- Dee Dee: Well, I am through playing. I wanna be a Ponypuff Princess FOR REAL!!
- Lee Lee: [Gasps] Don't go there, Dee Dee.
- Dee Dee: Go where?! The only place I'm going is home! [cries all the way home]
- Mee Mee: You know, all that girl ever does is scream.
- Dee Dee: (now as a horse) Wow, I'm a real pony!
No Power Trip
- Dad: Honey, when is the last time you washed the car?
- Dee Dee (as Mom): *with candy in her mouth* That's it?! An A minus?! That's what you did wrong?!
- Principal: Uhh....
- Dee Dee (as Mom): *angrily speaks towards Dexter* You give me a full body makeover all for a lousy A minus?!
- Principal: Umm...
- Dee Dee (as Mom): GEEZ! I thought you stole the school mascot or destroyed the science lab!
- Dexter: *looks towards her and exclaims* Hey!
- Dee Dee (as Mom): Or at least, teepeed his office!
- Principal: Hey!
- Dee Dee (as Mom): But Noooooo, you got a stupid A minus. *bops Dexter on the head* Dork.
- Principal: Oh my.
- Dexter: Well, "mom," I wouldn't have gotten an A minus, *jumps up and shouts* IF MY STUPID SISTER WOULD STOP BUGGING ME!
- Dee Dee (as Mom): DEE DEE'S NOT STUPID! She's prettier, taller, nicer, friendlier, happier and way more popular than you'll ever be! Plus, your father and I like her best, so- *blows raspberry*
- *Dexter grabs her tongue, but she ends up flipping him over and Dexter crashes into a wall*
- Clown: Joke time! Joke time! Joke time! Alright, kids. Why is 6 afraid of 7? (beat) 'Cause 7 8 9!
- [the kids, minus Dexter, burst into laughter]
- Dexter: I don't get it.
Dexter's Lab: A Story
- [The dog is roaming around under the table sniffing around the family]
- Dad: So, Dexter, where's your new buddy? Oh! Well, hello down there!
- Dog: Hey! It's the man from before!
- Mom: Oh!
- Dog: This one's a lady!
- Mom: He certainly is friendly.
- Dee Dee: Oh!!!!!!! Yeah, a little too friendly.
- Dog: IT'S THE STICK!
Better Off Wet
- Dee Dee: Where was I going? (a bit of the roof lands on her head) POOL! (She takes off like a jack rabbit, wearing her swimsuit, and sandals, arrives at the pool outside, flips off her slippers and puts on her swimming cap) Hurry up, Dexter! (rides the slide and lands into the pool before she squirts out water)
- Dexter: I am not ready yet. (He takes his hat, dressing gown, and takes off his sandals, showing his purple swimming trunks)
- Dexter's Mom: Dexter, ready to get wet?!
- Dexter: Almost!! (he rubs sunscreen onto his arms)
- Dexter's Dad: (he appears behind Dexter's Mom) Hi, Dexter! (the camera pans in on a shocked Dexter)
- Dexter: NO!!! (He takes off)
- Dexter's Dad: Dexter? (He looks around)
- Dexter: (blinks on the roof, thinking he is safe) Phew...
- Dexter's Mom: (She jumps into the pool) Come on in, Dexter, the water's great!
- Dexter: Okay, Mom.
- Mee Mee and Lee Lee: Hey, Dee Dee! We're here!
- Dee Dee: Hi, girls, come on in!
- Dexter: You said it. (realizes Dad, screams in terror, doesn't get pushed into the water, but only hurts Dee Dee and her sisters, pants only for a short while) Phew!
- Dexter's Dad: Darn, I just can't get that kid! (He notices Dexter's Mom walking up to the pool) Oh, well! (Dad pushes Mom into the pool)
- Dexter's Dad: Good job, son, you finally made it in the pool.
- Dexter: Thanks, Dad, I don't know I was so shy of the water. (Dexter's Parents and sister laugh because Dexter is naked because he has lost his trunks!)
- Dad: Hey, Dexter!
- [Dexter switches off the TV]
- Dexter: Mother, Father, forgive my rudeness. But I have something very important to tell you.
- Mom: Well honey you can talk to us about anything.
- Dad: Yeah. Whatever it is let 'er rip!
- Dexter: [sighs as he prepares to tell his parents about his lab. Groans in pain and lets out a huge fart]
- [Dexter is visibly embarrassed and has knocked the TV into the wall after he farts]
- [Mom and Dad are stunned]
- Dad [shocked]: Dexter.
- [Dexter smiles and farts again]
Let's Save the World You Jerk!
- [Earth is destroyed by meteors]
- Dexter: That was all your fault, you gnome!
- Mandark: No way! You're taking the heat for this one, Dexter!
- Dexter: [screaming]
- Dee Dee: HI DEXTER! Penny for your throughts?
- Dexter: I'm thinking Lincoln!
- Timmy's Mom: Timmy, why don't you go and play outside?
- Timmy: Is it safe?
- Timmy's Mom: Well if course it is.
- Timmy: Okay. [runs outside the house] La La La La La La La La La La La. [plays with toy cars, sees the giant statues of Washington and Lincoln walking by, then screams, runs back to the house and slams the door]
Aye Aye Eyes
- Dee Dee: What are you so happy about?! Is it 'cos you're in love?
- Dexter: No, no, no. I'm happy because I FINALLY FOUND MY LASER GUN!
- Dee Dee: Dexter! Violence isn't the answer. I mean, you can't just zap the creepy-eyed girl, just because she's forcing you to be her boyfriend. Duh.
- Dexter: I know... But what should I do?
- Dee Dee: Simple. Get her to fall in love with someone else!
- Dexter: Impossible.
- Dee Dee: Why?
- Dexter: (suavely) 'Cos once you've loved Dex, you've loved the best. [Dee Dee looks disdainful] Uh...what was your plan again..?
Paper Route Bout
- Dee Dee: Uh, Dad? Don't you think you're overreacting? It's only a little coffee.
- Dad: Yeah, but it was pretty hot, you know.
The Old Switcharooms
- Mom: You Kids are in big trouble.
- [Dee Dee and Dad return enter Dee Dee's room and see that Dexter has destroyed it and is naked]
- Dad: Argh!
- Dee Dee: [gasps] Dexter, you're naked! [knocks the trophy out Dad's hands, destroying it]
- Dexter: Now look what you did Dee Dee. You clumsy fool!
- Dad: Argh!
- [Cut to Dexter who is now in the doghouse, having switched "rooms" with the family dog]
- Dexter: Uh? Well, at least I don't have to worry about the dog destroying my lab.
- [Cut to the dog barking and howling and destroying Dexter's lab]
Trick or Treehouse
- Dee Dee: Well, well. Look who's smaller than a breadbox.
- Dexter: [inside the breadbox] Dee Dee! Let me out of here!
- Dee Dee: Ha! I didn't know you could stick your beak into my business, and to get even, I get to go play around in your lab.
- Dexter: Please! Dee Dee! No! No! Let me out!
- Dee Dee: See you 'round, shortbread!
- Dexter: Dee Dee! No! No! Please! Let me out! No! No! Please! No! No! No! No!
- Dee Dee: [giggles in Dexter's laboratory]
- Dexter: Please! No! No!
Accent You Hate
- Gary: You know, kid. You’ve got a funny accents. And if you haven’t read I hate kids with funny accents.
- Gary: Get away from me! SHUT UP! I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
- [The statue punches Gary. The kids gasp. Gary's face grows red and big]
- Gary: My face! It hurts!
- Pirate Kid: Arr! Now look who has the funny accent!
- Dee Dee: You know they're all gonna burn out eventually.
- Dexter: I know...
- Mom: When an electrical problem arises, I call a specialist! [Dad appears with a helmet and tool belt] No, honey. Not you.
- Dexter: [wears a Reverse Belt and walks backwards] !skrow tI !skrow tI .elbidercni si siht ,woW .snoitca nwo ym esrever yllautca oT [to Robot] .drawrof ,hguone si taht ,toboR ,yakO .drawroF [starts to get angry] --rof ,ydaerla thgirlA [spsag] .em ylliS [shgual] .mehA [to normal] Forward.
- Robot: Forward. [sets the lever from Reverse to Forward to Red to Green]
- Dexter: [walks normally] Wow, my Reverse Belt is a success!
- Dexter: Reverse! [[falling up with activating switch] Forward! [falling down]
- Dexter: [gasps] Dee Dee?! [switch activates] !?eeD eeD [spsag]
- Dexter: You! What do you think you're doing? Do you have any idea what trouble you have been causing? First, I lose my lunch, and then Mom is gonna kill me, and Dad is probably in the hospital, and another thing--
The Continuum of Cartoon Fools
- [Dexter swallows the key to the secret bookcase entrance]
- Dexter: THERE! NOW NO ONE'S GETTING IN! [maniacal laugh]
- Dee Dee: Hmmm... Yep. No one's getting into Dexter's Lab now. [leaves]
- [Dexter's smile of insanity turns into a look of horror]
- Dexter: ......Uhhh, oh my dear... In my overwhelming zeal to banish my sister from the lab, I have indeed locked myself out! Too blinded was I not to foresee the most piteous of fates. I have thus performed the ultimate tragic irony! [now standing in front of 'The End' title card] Surely, I am the fool of fools on a par with no other. I am no better than that stupid coyote or that crazy duck! Look at me, look at me! I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! I am doomed to a life of comic mishap adventures and social indignations! And now, here I stand before you, beaten, defeated and alone...
Misplaced in Space
- Alien: Gork.
- Dexter: (translating on his watch) 'Food?' Yeah, 'food'. You ate mine, yours, and everybody else's!
- Alien: Gork.
- Dexter: You can't still be hungry
- Alien: Gork...
- Dexter: Wh...Why are you looking at me like that?
- Alien: GORK!
Dee Dee's Rival
- Dee Dee: Dexter! Dexter! [Dexter smashed his control with a hammer] Oh Dexter. I'm so glad you're here! I need your help! There's a new girl in dance class and she thought she's better than me. And I want to be a star of the show and thought...
- Lala Vala: Use your science to help that skinny cran.
- Dee Dee: I have to win, Dexter. Or else...
- Lala Vala: I force to break your netting.
- Dee Dee: They said any of the kids class again! Oh please! Oh please! Oh...
- Mandark: Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me! I'll do it.
- Dexter: But you have to keep on your bargain and the other of the rest.
- Dee Dee: Oh thank you, Dexter. [kisses Dexter's nose and laughs]
Lala Vala [flings Mandark's nose and laughs]
- Dexter, Dee Dee and Dad: Happy Mother's Day!
- Mom: New Gloves!
Blackfoot and Slim
- Narrator: The Concrete Jungle. Deep within its seemingly endless towers, glass, steel and mortar, life exists.
- Narrator: For someday, we shall return to check up on this wonderful creature. This wonderful world of Blackfoot.
Trapped With a Vengeance
- Yani: [narrating] My job is simple. After the designated hours of education, the children exit to return home, while I clean, sweep and prepare their environment for the next day of education in sterile surroundings. For I am Yani the janitor. It is an uncomplicated job that leaves me much time after to spend with my beloved wife, but one children continues to complicate situation and torture. Night after night, he stays much time past designated hours, and when he decides to go he leaves a residue of filth that prolongs me for my beloved for several more hours. And when I return home, my love is taking a slumber and waking her would be catastrophical. So I wait and I plan, until the day that he will be to exit quickly for something important, for then I will have him... TRAPPED WITH A VENGEANCE!
- Yani: Yello, Dexter.
- Dexter: What're ya, crazy or somethin'?!
The Parrot Trap
- Dexter's Parrot: (in Dee Dee's voice) Dexter's a cookie!
- Dexter: (angrily) I am not a cookie!
- Dexter's Parrot: Dexter's a cookie!
- Dexter: Am not!
- Dexter's Parrot: Are too, cookie! (Dexter violently shakes the stick the parrot is on, and it switches into Dexter's voice) I'm gonna bop you one, girl! (Dexter slams the parrot onto his desk, and it segues back into Dee Dee's voice) COOKIE! (Dexter repeatedly slams the parrot onto the table, until it is later seen beaten nearly into submission, and is flying away)
- Dexter: Good riddance! That has to be my worst invention yet!
- Dexter's Dad: Who's trying to sneak up on me?
- Parrot: Dexter, boy genius. Dexter the cookie!
- Dexter's Dad: Shhhh I'm trying to watch my show!
- Parrot: I'm gonna bop you!
- Dexter's Dad: That is no way to talk to you-
- Parrot: You are a stupid girl! Get out get out get out! Yup yup yup! Don't touch anything!
- (Dexter's Dad crawls away in fear)
- Dexter's Dad: I-I-I-I-I'm sorry
- Dexter's Parrot: (in Dee Dee's voice) You're a cookie! (in Dexter's voice) Get out get out get out!
- Dexter's Mom: Alright, let's see. I'll need two eggs...
- (Dexter's Mom cracks open two eggs and places them into the cooking bowl beside her)
- Dexter's Mom: One stick of butter...
- (Takes a stick of butter placed near her and places it into the cooking bowl)
- Dexter's Mom: A half a cup of sugar...
- (Dexter's Mom walks over to the left side of the kitchen counter where several containers lay as well as Dexter's Parrot. Mom takes some sugar and places it into the cooking bowl)
- (Dexter's Mom walks over to a spice rack inside the kitchen where various spices are seen as well as Dexter's Parrot from out of nowhere)
- Dexter's Mom: A pinch of cinnamon.
- Parrot: A cup of cinnamon.
- Dexter's Mom: A cup of cinnamon.
- Parrot: A quart of pepper.
- Dexter's Mom: A quart of pepper.
- Parrot: A box of olives.
- Dexter's Mom: A box of peppers.
- Parrot: Yup, yup, yup!
- (Dexter's Mom opens the refrigerator door inside the kitchen where the Parrot is seen inside once again)
- Dexter's Mom: A block of cheese.
- Parrot: A block of cheese.
- Dexter's Mom: A gallon of milk.
- Parrot: A gallon of milk.
- (Dexter's Mom takes the Parrot out of the refridgerator)
- Parrot: Are you sneaking up on me?!?
- (Mom back at the kitchen counter using the Parrot as a coffee boiler and pouring it into the bowl)
- Dexter's Mom: A cup of coffee.
- Parrot: A cup of coffee.
- (Mom settles the Parrot back down on the counter)
- Dexter's Mom: Beans!
- Parrot: Beans!
- (Cookies fly out of the bowl suddenly)
- Parrot: Cooooooooookies!
- Dexter's Mom: Cooooooooookies!
- Parrot: Worms and plastic minnows.
- Dexter's Mom: Now wait just a minute here! ...... Where am I gonna get worms and plastic minnows?
- Parrot: The Florida Everglades!
- (Mom is seen immediately backing the car out of the house's driveway and driving away)
- (Dexter has smashed the parrot to keep it from revealing his lab)
- Dexter's Dad: Dexter!
- Dexter's Mom: How many times have I told you not to throw the bird?
- Dexter: But Mom, it's not a *real* bird. I built it in my secret laboratory.
- (Dexter, realizing he just blabbed what the parrot didn't, claps his mouth shut)
- Dee Dee: Smooth move, Dexter. Now you'll have to erase Mom and Dad's memories...again!
- Parrot: Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter.
Dexter and Computress Get Mandark!
- Dexter: You are stupid! You are stupid! And don't forget, you are stupid!
Dexter vs Santa's Claws
- Dad: Dexter, what do you have to say for yourself?
- Dexter: Well, I'm sorry I ruined Christmas. Again. But, isn't Christmas really about the family, and the love and the sharing and... Oh, Christmas tree! Oh, Christmas tree!
- Dee Dee: You blockhead! That's not what Christmas is about!
- Dexter:It's not? Then what is it about?
- Santa Claus: The presents. Ho ho ho!
- Dynomutt: Oooooh, what does this button do?
- Dad: Nice uniform. You on some kind of sports team?
- Blue Falcon: I'm the Blue Falcon.
- Dad: Oh, yeah, the Falcons! You guys didn't do so well last season.
- Blue Falcon: I'm the Blue Falcon!
- Dad: Aww, don't be blue!
- Blue Falcon: I don't understand! This isn't like my old Dynomutt at all!
- Dexter: Well... He's not, I built you an all-new one.
- Blue Falcon: What? Why?
- Dexter: Well, the old one was just a goofy idiot sidekick.
- Blue Falcon: He wasn't JUST a goofy idiot sidekick! He was a....go-go dog person!
- Blue Falcon: Remember, Dexter: It's a goofy idiot sidekick that makes a superhero SUPER.
- Dad: [talking] Oh, you're back. [Singing] My goodness, my gracious, when will this day be done? Will I have a girl or will I have a son? [Talking] Did you say a son? You're right. I will have a son.
- Dexter: [singing sadly as the spotlight shines on him] This is not fantasy. This is reality. I'm stuck for my life! I'm stuck and I'll be stuck forever! With...my sister... [Yelling] DEE DEE!
Last But Not Beast
- Dad: Secret laboratory? Now, Dexter, we need to straight a few things up with this secret laboratory business!
- [The Mandarks rally to stop the Dexters from getting the Neurotomic Proto-Core]
- Young Mandark: NOOO! I've always wanted the Core!
- Adult Mandark: NOOO! I stole the Core!
- Overlord Mandark: NOOO! The Core is mine!
- Mandark's Brain: NOOO! Just because I'm bitter and jealous!
- Old Man Dexter: [thundering voice from inside a tower] WHOO DARES TO DISTURB THE GREAT DEXTER WHILE HE DROPS SCIENCE UPON THE WORLD?
- Dexter: We are the Dexters of the past. We have come from the past to try to reach your all-knowing presence!
- Old Man Dexter: PRESENTS? I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY? I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!
- Old Man Dexter: I remember! I REMEMBER! Dee Dee was the one who saved the future!
- Dexter: What? No way!
- Adult Dexter: That didn't just happen!
- Muscular Dexter: I wanted to be the one who saved the future!
- Old Man Dexter: Argh! That girl!
- [The Dexters start building robots.]
- Dexter: I'll teach her to mess up my future savings.
- Adult Dexter: Yeah, we'll show her!
- Muscular Dexter: Ooh, that little ding dong!
- Old Man Dexter: We'll get her once and for all!
- [The Dexters finish building robots.]
- Dexter: Robots! Destroy the one who saved the future! [The robots walk towards the time machine.] Well. Huh. That should take care of Dee Dee. It looks like the future is back on track.
- Muscular Dexter: I've got a lot of cleaning up to do but with a positive flow of the core everything should work out fine.
- Dexter: Well then, we should be getting back to our own times. Goodbye, Dexter.
- Muscular Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Old Man Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Adult Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Muscular Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Old Man Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Adult Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Muscular Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Adult Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.
- Old Man Dexter: Goodbye, Billy.
- Dexter: Boy, that wasn't exactly what I expected, but I did turn out pretty cool in the future. [sees himself fighting the robots and is surprised] Wait a minute, I'm still here fighting those robots. [breaks the fourth wall] But wait, those are the robots I just built to get Dee Dee while we're building the future. But now I'm about to destroy them before I even decide to go into the future. So, that means when I came back, I came back too far. Back before I ever left. So I must have come... No I... Or they were... Oh, forget it. Time travel hurts my brain.
Mind Over Chatter
- Dexter: [in his mind] Yuck! Mom's oatmeal! Tastes like barf!
- Mom [gasps] Dexter! Don't be rude!
- Dexter: [confused] Huh?
- Dexter: [in his mind while watching Dee Dee scarfing down her oatmeal] That sister of mine! What a ferocious pig!
- Dee Dee: Hey! I'm no pig!
- Mom : That is enough Dexter! Time for school.
- Dexter: But wait Dad, what-
- Dad: The answer is no! Now get!
- Dexter: [in his mind] Dad, what a stubborn poopoo doody head!
- Dad: I heard that!
- Mom: And we are going to have a serious talk about your potty mouth when you get home from school today!
- Mom: Huh, what did he mean when he said, "your lab", Dexter?
- Dexter: I don't know.
- Beau: I've always loved science.
- Dexter: Ah, the sweet and silent solitude of the school library.
- Boy: Oh yeah, we're so prepared for this. This is going to be a great game, we're going to kicky Booty.
- Girl: Our new cheers are so awesome. Wait until you see them, you're not gonna believe it!
- Dexter: Ahem! [puts the piece of paper that says "No talking in the Library!!!" in the book on the table] [takes the book from the boy] No book for you, [takes the other book from the girl] and no book for you!
- Dexter: [stops the boy trying to eat an apple] No, uh-uh. You know the rules. No food or drink in the library. [takes the book from him] No book for you!
- Dexter: [takes the book that is stepped on by a girl trying to reach the other book, she falls down] Mis-using school property, you know better than that. No book for you!
- Dexter: Ah, here we are. 701.328. [gasps] Hello! What is this?! "Green Bacon and Eggs"! What is a children's book doing in coelacanth paleobiology? [gets enraged]
- Dexter: Miss Salinger, Miss Salinger.
- Salinger: Yes, what is it, Dexter?
- Dexter: I have found an inappropriately placed piece of fiction.
- Salinger: Really? Well, be a dear and place it in its proper home.
- Dexter: [drops the book] Ahh. Library patrons speaking at unacceptable volumes, eating snacks, abusing school property, and now this. Ahh, it is all very disappointing. [breaks the fourth wall] You know, I like Miss Salinger and all, but if this were my library, such behavior within these hallowed shelves would not be tolerated.
- Salinger: Oh, my, look at the time. Dexter, I have to be at a staff meeting. I need you to keep an eye on things for one hour.
- Dexter: Finally, a school library dedicated to the pure appreciation of the English language. Dexter, you have done it again. Next! [a girl arrives with a book in her hand] Sarah Goldfarm. Another early return, I see. [Sarah gives the book to him] Ha ha ha! "Stranger Rick": August 2001. A solid subject matter, [drops the book] but a little sophomoric for second grade. Would you not agree? [Robot burns the book] Robot, please retrieve some less frivolous reading for Miss Goldfarm? Perhaps something from coealacanth paleobiology, a personal favorite subject of mine.
- Robot: [goes in search of a book in a library cabinet and returns to Dexter] Cannot confirm target.
- Dexter: "Cannot confirm target"? You illiterate Android! [slaps the robot] Must I spell everything out for you recycled soup cans? [writes the piece of paper and puts it on the Robot's head] Aaahh! [The Robot goes in search of a book again] [whistles] Heh heh heh!
- Robot: [returns to Dexter] System error. Cannot confirm target.
- Dexter: [gets angry] Arrrr! [punches the Robot's head] WHY MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?!
- Dexter: [grumbles as he climbs the stairs in the librarian cabinet] ...stupid-looking robots. There. "Coealacanth Paleonbiology". Now, how difficult was that? [opens his eyes and is surprised] "GREEN BACON AND EGGS"?!!! BUT I DO NOT LIKE "GREEN BACON AND EGGS"!!! There is not a walnut brained ape among you who is worthy to share my world-class collection of written history!
- Salinger: Dexter, I am very disappointed in you. I leave you in charge of the library for one hour, and look what you do. Just look at this mess.
- Dexter: But-- but-- I... they...
- Salinger: I'm giving you the maximum library penalty.
- Dexter: [gasps] No! Not that! Please, Miss Salinger. No!
- Salinger: That's right. You can only check out 4 books a week, instead of 5.
- Dexter: [sobs] It's not very nice of you. NOOOOOOOOO!
- Crowd: Shhh!
2Geniuses 2Gether 4Ever
- Dexter: Ah, all done.
- Mandark: It's about time. Well, let's see what we've got. [takes off the blindfold] Ah! At last, my darkest creation is completed!
- Dexter: [gives the remote control to Mandark] After you.
- Mandark: May I? [grabs the remote control] With a push of this button, I, Mandark, will unleash a mind-bending transmission which will put the entire universe under my control. And that means you, too, Dorkster. I have double-crossed you once again. And now it will all be mine! [laughs] Ha!
- [Mandark tries pressing the button over and over, and Dexter plugs the power cord into an electrical outlet, and the invention explodes by displaying the title of the television series as a reference to the intro]
- [Last lines of the series]
- Dexter: Ha! Well, well, well, Mandark, who double-crossed whom?
- Mandark: This was supposed to be mine, Dexter! All mine, not yours! Mine!
- Dexter: Well, like I always say: if you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Ha ha! ["The End" appears on the screen] Hey! What is going on? I am trying to wax poetic here.
- Dexter: [sees Dee Dee's hair cut off and laughs insanely] OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME! [laughing and snorting]
- Dee Dee: So?
- Dexter: Now, Dee Dee. We have been through this scenario so many times before, and you know that I am helpless to assist you for one simple and very basic reason: you are STUPID!
- Dee Dee: Oh, please, Dexter. Please! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please! Oh, please, Dexter! Use your vast and unlimited knowledge of science to help me get my hair back! Pretty please.
- Dexter: Well, no.
- Dee Dee: Alright, Dexter, but remember... [grows bigger] I am your big sister! [grows some more] AND I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG... [grows again] ...IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY!
- Dexter: Now, Dee Dee, pay attention. You are only to apply one drop of this stuff. Do you understand? One drop, not 2 drops, not 3 drops, not 75 drops. JUST ONE DROP! GOT IT?!
- Dee Dee: Yeah. Of course I got it, Dexter. Just one drop. [sings and leaves the lab] One drop, one drop, one drop, one drop...
- [Dee Dee screams while running entering the lab]
- Dexter: Let me guess. You used more than one drop.
- Dee Dee: It was too one drop, Dexter! Just a really, really big one drop!
- Dexter: Hmm...
- Dexter: You did it all wrong, Mandark. I figured out you were copying "Mister Misery" all along, so I played your own game against you. [Mandark pretends to be yawning] And then you have the nerve [throws the "Mister Misery" comic] not to even follow the dumb story! Oh, and one other thing... WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS STUPID QUACKING?!
- Mandark: Well, you see, Dexter. I went to buy "Mister Misery" but the store was all sold out. So I picked up a copy of "Dangerous Duck" instead.
- Dexter: And do you know why "Mister Misery" was all sold out? Because I bought them all.
- Mandark: Hmm. Well, then. If you bought them all, how did you expect me to know all "Mister Misery"'s new fighting moves then?! [Dexter is upset and a donkey appears] QUACK. [teases Dexter and walks away]
- Dexter: (Screams in shock) What are the strange protrusions? I must investigate immediately. [ Dee Dee arrives while singing] Uh-oh.
- Dexter: OK, Dee Dee, way too much has happened this morning so, please, GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!!! [closes the door] I have no time for her foolishness today.
- Dee Dee: [opens the door] But, Dexter, I'm not in your labor... [She stops and looks at Dexter] YOU'VE GOT CHICKENPOX!
- Dexter: Chickenpox? What is this pox of the chicken?
- Dee Dee: Poor Dexter, so knowledgeable in science but doesn't have enough common sense to know what chickenpox is. Well, a long time ago, a group of evil, contaminated chickens escaped from jail, and started to break into children's houses where they picked away, giving huge, itchy pimples. And if you stratch them, you turn into an evil, contaminated chicken!
- Dexter: Are you crazy, woman? I've teach you les--! [scratches]
- Dee Dee: Bagock.
- Dexter: (Screams in fear) I do not want to be an evil, contaminated chicken.
- Dee Dee : Then, DON'T SCRATCH! [leaves Dexter's room]
- Dexter: That seems simple enough. [scratches and stops] I'd better keep myself busy so as not to think about the itching.
- Dexter: Perfect. [thinking while scratching] Now, how much dioxide detrolium should I add? Hmm... what is the correct amount? [stops thinking and scratching and laughs] Silly me! [scratches again] Avoiding scratching this whole time? [freaks out] ROBOT! More drastic measures must be taken.
- Robot: Yes, Dexter?
- Dexter: Robot, if you see me scratching a part of my body, I want you to zap me with 100 watts of electrons.
- Robot: Yes, Dexter. [zaps Dexter]
- Dexter: I wasn't ready, Robot.
- Robot: Yes, Dexter. [zaps Dexter again]
- Dexter: I said I wasn't ready.
- Robot: Yes, boy.
- Dexter: No, Robot, wait! [Robot zaps him again] This is not working. [Robot zaps him again] STOP, ROBOT!
- Dexter: A new invention must be created.
- Dexter: [after creating his invention] Success!
- Dexter: [destroys the straps after failing to hold back the itching] GOTTA SCRATCH!!!
- Dee Dee: Hello! [She stops and looks at Dexter] [Dee Dee screamed and ducks under her bed] [She peeks out] Dexter, is that you?
- Dexter: [turns to Dexter who is now turned into a chicken] Yep, I scratched.
- Dee Dee: Oooh! Dexter's got gas!
- Rude Dexter: Where the f'ck are we?
- Rude Dee Dee: Beats the crap out of me!
- Dexter: (With a British accent) Why, you're in Dexter's Laboratory, silly. I'm Dexter, and this golden-haired angel behind me is my charming sister, Dee Dee.
- Dee Dee: (With a British accent) Charmed!
- Rude Dexter: Ah, f'ck off!
- Dexter and Dee Dee: [gasp] Oh dear!
- Mom: I hope you're hungry, 'cause I made a [trips over Rude Dexter] very... SPECIAL LUNCH THAT I GOT FROM A RECIPE THAT I... FOUND IN A BESSIE CRACKER MAGAZINE! [pants] I hope you like it.
- Mom: [dizzy] Well, what do you think, Dexter?
- Rude Dexter: [mouth full] I think it tastes like sh't! [spits at Mom]
- Mom: [faints]
- Mom: [angry] Dexter! No, absolutely not! You cannot have any dessert!
- Rude Dexter: Why? You want it all to yourself?
- Mom: [gasps, then faints]
- Mom: Now to clean those filthy mouths.
- Dexter: [to the audience] Oh, sh't!