Dexter's Laboratory

Dexter's Laboratory is an American animated television series created by Genndy Tartakovsky for Cartoon Network. It centers on a boy genius who uses inventions to solve problems in his life.

Pilots

Dimwit Dexter

Factory Worker #1: Sir, he can't make much long!

Factory Worker #2: Just a little longer.

Factory Worker #3: His sim asses are firing in arming incredibly rage.

Factory Worker #4: Puncher rising!

Factory Worker #5: She can't take it!

Factory Worker #6: Run for your life!

[Angrily, Dexter's face turns red, and Dexter begins to let out a loud yell with rage]

Factory Worker #7: RUN! [The factory workers flee and run away]

[Cut to the outside of Dexter's Lab, Dexter explodes and causes fires in his lab]

Factory Worker #8: Shut it down.

[The factory workers shut down the emotion factory, Dexter is seen naked and emotionless]

Factory Worker #9: He said all the systems have shut down.

Neighbor Boy: Hey, everyone! Dexter's running around in his underpants! [echoing] Underpants! Underpants! Underpants!

Season 1

Dee Deemensional [1.1a]

[Dexter is being eaten by a monster and gives Dee Dee a message]

Dexter: Take it! Give it to me in the past or I may not have a future! [Dee Dee turns the knob to the past] Dee Dee, you have to be inside the machine!

Dee Dee: Like this? [Dee Dee then disappears from the machine]

Dexter: I'm doomed...

---

Dexter: Stop! If there was a message so important that it would require time travel, I would certainly not entrust it to my idiot sister. I would send myself. In other words...[Shouting] I would not send you back in time even if..! If..if... I was being eaten alive!

---

Dexter: It is up to you Dee Dee's! [The monster shakes salt on Dexter and eats him] Use my time machine! Go back into... the past... and give me this message...!

Dee Dee: Message! You mean this message?

[Dexter reads the note]

Dexter: Dexter do not open the interdimensional doorway there's a monster inside best wishes, Dexter. But this is the message I just wrote! That means that I... That she... That this... WAfIT!

[The Dee Dee's both disappeared in the machine]

Dexter: I'm doomed.

Maternal Combat [1.1c]

[Dexter goes into the kitchen and sees Dee Dee mixing a bowl]

Dexter: What exactly are you making Dee Dee?

Dee Dee: A pie

Dexter: By any chance that wouldn't be a POISON PIE! would it?

Dee Dee: No. [Pours flour into the mixing bowl]

Dexter: What is that white stuff that you are adding in?

Dee Dee: Flour.

Dexter: Aha! Flowers are for smelling they are not for eating. Poison!

Dee Dee: Not poison, flour. Now go sit down and let me finish. Hmm, let's see [Dee Dee reads a mud pie recipe and grabs a handful of mud from a flower box and puts it into the mixing bowl]

[Later Dexter and Dee Dee see the pie baking in the oven]

Dexter: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy I can hardly wait! [Dee Dee serves the pie in front of Dexter and Dexter takes a bite of it] Light flaky crust, rich taste, but I can't quite place the flavor, is it chocolate?

Dee Dee: No.

Dexter: Poison berry?

Dee Dee: No.

Dexter: I give up, what is it?

Dee Dee: Mud.

Dexter: Oh mud, I would have never guessed. Mud?! [Dexter spits it out]

---

[Dad happily returns home to find two smoking robots and the shifty looking kids]

Dad: Hmm, need to get that couch a polster. Hello honey! Hello Dexter! Hello Dee Dee! Hello honey! Hello honey!

Dexter Dodgeball [1.2a]

Dexter: [Hands his excuse note to the "Coach" and happily walks away] If you need me, I'll be in the Science Lab.

Substitute Coach: What's this crap?

Dexter: [Turns around in shock] Who are you?

Substitute Coach: I'm your Substitute Coach.

Dexter: But, But, But...

Substitute Coach: QUIET!

Dexter: But my excuse!

Substitute Coach: [Rips the excuse letter in half] What Excuse?! Now! Suit up!

---

Coach: [recurring line, slow motion] Dodge...ball!

Dial M for Monkey: Rasslor [1.2b]

Rasslor: Welcome heroes of Earth! You have been chosen to receive the most glorious of gifts! The opportunity to face me, the great Rasslor, in a contest of strength and skill! For Aeons, I have scoured the cosmos searching for the one adversary who could provide me with suitable sport! Although, I have yet to find such a noble soul. Each creature, each race, more pitiful than the last. So I spare them the disgrace of their weakness by destroying their worlds! And now my quest has brought me to this timid little planet you call Earth. So, terrestrial heroes, can one of you quench my thirst for the divine conflict, the supreme struggle?! Or will your planet be doomed to the same fate that has befallen so many?

[The heroes stare at him, confused]

Heroes: ...What?

Rasslor: Fight me or I destroy the Earth! Now let the games begin!

---

Rasslor: Incredible. I could crush your body, I could smash your bones, but I could never break your spirit. You are a marvel little monkey. Any world that could spawn one as noble as you is truly blessed. I SPARE YOUR EARTH!

Dexter's Assistant [1.2c]

Dexter: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

---

Dexter: [sweetly] Assistant?

Dee Dee: Yes?

Dexter: Would you please assist me by...SHUTTING UP!?

Dexter's Rival [1.3a]

Mandark: Yes, Dexter, I can read your thoughts, and I am smarter than you.

---

Mandark: Welcome to my laboratory! [Echoing] Laboratory! Laboratory!

Dial M for Monkey: Simion [1.3b]

Simion: Brute force will get you nowhere. I am a man of class. Behold my succulent feast. King crab, swordfish, scalloped potatoes. But of course, if this is too rich for you, I'll have my cooks make you a [The shadowy warlord reveals to be a talking chimpanzee] banana split!

---

Simion: I never thought all the answers would be given to me in such a simple package. How could I not see that I have become of that which I hate? Only a monkey could show me that. Oh, my friend! I want to walk like you, talk like you!

Jurassic Pooch [1.5a]

Dexter: [to the audience] Anybody want to buy a dinosaur? [episode ends]

Dee Dee's Room [1.6a]

Dexter: [narrating] The horror. Of the landmarks in the home of my parents. My memory will forever rest in the room that belongs to my sister: Dee Dee.

Dexter: Why am I breathing so hard?

The Big Sister [1.6c]

Dee Dee: [singsong] I ate your cookies! I ate your cookies!

[She blows a raspberry, turns on one foot and sticks her costume's tail in Dexter's face; she then ballet dances until she suddenly notices one of her arms then the other bursting out of her rat costume, which appear to be abnormally large and elongated; she then bursts out of the rat costume as a whole and starts growing to an immense size, with Dexter watching in dismay]

Dee Dee: Ooh, [points at the city] what's over there?

[She walks to the city just as Dexter heads out of the front door to watch his giantess sister entering the city]

Dexter: [while jumping for joy] At last! With my sister gone, my intellectual pursuits shall be uninhibited! [he walks toward the house then closes the front door]

Star Spangled Sidekicks [1.7a]

Dee Dee: [laughs at Dexter's speech for wanting to be Major Glory's sidekick]

Dexter: And what is so humorous about that? [Dee Dee continues laughing] Dee Dee stop this laughing this instant!

Dee Dee: Okay, okay Dexter, don't get your underwear into a wrinkle. Look...You're my brother and all so I'll be honest with ya...[amused] You've gotta be kidding me! [seriously] You don't got what takes. Just look at ya...[measures Dexter] You're two foot nothing. [camera zooms on Dexter's glasses] You can barely see [puts her arm around Dexter's shoulder] and besides everything...You're a dork! [smiles]

Dexter: [yells in frustration]

Dexter: And I suppose you have what it takes to be a superhero's sidekick?

Dee Dee: [shrugs] Of course. I have style, pizzazz, and I can punch and kick some. You know. [Dexter opens his mouth to talk] Yes?

Dexter: [drops it] Forget it. [walks upstairs] There's nothing to be said. I will be Major Glory's sidekick and you will not.

Dee Dee: [shouts upstairs] That's what you think Dexter!

Dexter: No, Dee Dee! That's what I know.

Game Over [1.7c]

Dexter: 'Master Computer?' Wow dad, thanks, a video game... An OLD video game...

Dad: Well, I know how much you like gadgets and stuff, Dexter, but what you've got there is more than just a video game: It's a bargain! Got it for a nickel from a gypsy!

Babysitter Blues [1.8a]

Dexter: [sounds like Jeff on his end of the phone] Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with Dexter. Bye.

---

Dee Dee: Hello!

Dexter: Dee Dee, get off the phone!

Dee Dee: Okay, but I'm still trying to find whatever it was I was looking for.

Dexter: Great, okay, bye.

Dee Dee: Bye!

Dexter: Bye.

Dee Dee: Bye!

Dexter: BYE!

---

Dexter: [sounds like Lisa's boyfriend on her end of the phone] Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with....with...my football. Bye.

The Big Cheese [1.9c]

Dexter: Omelette du fromage.

---

Bully: Hey, Dexter! You talkin' to our girls?

Dexter: [desperate] Omelette du fromage! Omelette du fromage.

Bully: Hey, whoa, slow down, buddy. I didn't know it was like that, man.

Way of the Dee Dee [1.10a]

Dexter: [enraged at Dee Dee] WHY DO YOU DO THIS?! YOU ARE SO STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Oh, and let's not forget...YOU'RE SO STUPID!

Dee Dee: Ow! [Rubs her face] Oh yeah!? Well just because I know how to have fun doesn't mean I'm stupid! I may not know all that scientifical makna logical stuff, but I know how to climb a tree, and I know how to pet a kitty just right. And I know how to tie my own shoes Mr zipper boot!... Actually, I feel sorry for you, Dexter. You're like a pickle - sour, and all bottled up in your laboratory. Toiling away alone in the dark, searching for answers to questions nobody asked. Locked away from the world, never to experience the true mysteries of life. Well, you can keep your cold, sterile little lab, because for me, the world is my laboratory! Goodbye, Dexter. I shan't impose on you ever again.

[She leaves the lab; after a moment of silent contemplation, Dexter rushes out after her]

Dexter: DEE DEE! [sadly] Everything you said was true! I don't want to be a pickle! But I need your help. Show me the way to be free, show me the way of the Dee Dee!

---

Dee Dee: Discard those ravlings which tie you to the lab. [Dexter looks down at his clothes] There must be a stripping of the old, before you start anew. [The next shot shows Dexter in just his underwear and gloves, in a nervous "Ta-Da!" pose] AND the gloves. [He reluctantly pulls them off] Now step into the light.

Dexter: But, I don't have any sunscreen.

Dee Dee: Do not fear, little one. The first step is always the hardest.

---

Dee Dee: [slaps Dexter] Stop it, Dexter! Look at yourself! You're a MONSTER! No longer a quiet creator but a mad destroyer! [sobs] I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have pushed you! I know now it wasn't my place to try to change you! Oh Dexter, please forgive me. [Dexter reaches his hand out to Dee Dee. She then leaves the lab] OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! [still sobbing]

The Justice Friends: Say Uncle Sam [1.10b]

Major Glory: Now we are going to over this again and again and again until we get it right! Comprende?

[Valhallen and Krunk glare at Major Glory angrily]

Major Glory: [Nervously] Perhaps I've pushed you too hard?

---

Major Glory: Uncle Sam! What happened to you?!

Uncle Sam: Doctor's orders, nephew. Told me I was too high strung. Told me to loosen up. And I feel great.

Monstory [1.13c]

Dexter: Hey! Can you not be quiet for a nanosecond?! I cannot even hear myself think!

---

Dee Dee: NOW you'll listen! So the boy told the girl in the park on the pony... Knock-knock!

Dexter: NO!

Season 2

Beard to Be Feared [2.1a]

Dee Dee: That is one rugged brother...

Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee: Shut your mouth!

Dee Dee: I'm only talkin' 'bout Dexter.

Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee: We can dig it.

Ant Pants [2.1c]

Dexter: Ants are...

Dee Dee: Icky!

Dexter: To be respected.

Dee Dee: Icky!

Dexter: To be respected.

Dee Dee: Icky!

Dexter: To be respected.

Chubby Cheese [2.2b]

Evil Commander: We will meet again, little man.

Pedro The Mouse: Yes!

That Crazy Robot [2.2c]

Robot: I'll come to school with you.

Dee Dee: Silly robot! School is for kids.

D & DD [2.3a]

Dee Dee: You can be this guy!

Dexter: What?!

Valerian: Well, it seems Hodo the furry-footed burrower has joined in our quest!

Dexter: I don't wanna be no furry-footed burrower.

---

Dexter/Hodo: I unsheath my deadly...mandolin?!

---

Dee Dee/Bachelorette: Okay, say we're stranded alone on an island. Do you have any skills that would come in handy, bachelor number 4?

Dexter/Hodo: I'd dig holes.

Hamhocks and Armlocks [2.3b]

Midge: We ain't got no menus. We got hamburgers, ham sandwiches, and... hamhocks.

Dad: Oh, well, we'll have four hamburgers, please!

Midge: No, you won't.

Dad: [confused] OK, ham sandwiches then!

Midge: Trust me, you don't want em. HEY, MEL! FOUR ORDERS OF HAMHOCKS!

---

Midge: [seeing the robotic arm] My, that's a fancy watch.

Dad: [looking at the watch on his non-robotic arm] Thanks!

The Koos is Loose [2.4b]

Koosalagoopagoop: You know, if you turn your lips inside out, you can look like Jimmy Carter.

Dee Dee Locks and the Ness Monster [2.5a]

Big Bad Wolf: OK, enough with ze huffing and puffing! I blow 'is block off unless you can guess my name!

Dee Dee Locks: Um... The little bad wolf?

Big Bad Wolf: Ze WHAT bad wolf?

Dee Dee Locks: The, um, small bad wolf?

Big Bad Wolf: [growls]

Dee Dee Locks: The...medium-?

Big Bad Wolf: [growls louder]

Dee Dee Locks: The, uh... big bad wolf?

Big Bad Wolf: [laughs triumphantly]

Dee Dee Locks: Ja, everyone? It's the "Big" Bad Wolf!

Backfire [2.5b]

Dexter: At last! I have discovered a way to shorten the suffering of those long family road trips trapped in the car with Dee Dee! By blasting the car with anti-matter, it can accelerate to near light speed, shortening the trip to an increment of time so small. [Dexter picks a potion up] Even I couldn't stand to be around Dee Dee that long, and just in time too. It's sunrise! The family road trip begins in three hours! [Dexter walks near the car] Dad's car. The gilded cage. My anti-matter will transform this simple vehicle. It consists of anti-particles with positron-surrounded nuclei imposed of anti-protons and anti-neutrons. It will allow the car to travel an infinite number of universes simultaneously. Or, in other words, really, really fast!

Book 'Em [2.5c]

[In a library, they go to the checkout counter]

Dexter: [whispering] Here are my selections for today, Ms. L.

Ms. L: My, my, Dexter. What a big stack you have. Why, Dexter, you're quite the little scholar. [She pinches Dexter's cheek]

Dexter: [whispering] Aw, shucks.

Dee Dee: Oh, brother.

[Ms. L starts checking out the books]

Ms. L: You know, if you keep this reading up, you'll be the patron of the month all of next year too. I don't think even Einstein himself was such an avid reader as you, Dexter. [Dee Dee reaches her hand up the stack of books and takes one of them down] No television, no donuts for you. I bet it's just all study, study, study day and night. Well, Dexter, I think you're all set. There you go.

[She gives Dexter his stack of checked out books and he leaves. Dee Dee looks at the book she took]

Dexter: [whispering] Thank you, Ms. L. Come on, Dee Dee.

Dee Dee: Hey, Dex! There's no pictures in this book!

Dexter: [whispering] Dee Dee! Come on!

Dee Dee: But you forgot...

Dexter: [whispering]Dee Dee!

Dee Dee: You forgot to check out!

Dexter: [whispering]Move it or lose it, sister!

---

Dexter: Now I am going in. You just lower me down on this rope and I return the book. And remember: This is a library mission, so keep quiet!

Dee Dee: [loudly] Okey dokey!

Dexter: [sigh] Hold this. [He hands Dee Dee one end of the rope and dives into the library]

Dee Dee: Back sure hurts! [A butterfly flies in and Dee Dee is dazzled by it] Pretty. [She lets go of the rope and chases after the butterfly and Dexter starts falling]

Dexter: Dee Dee? [He falls]

---

Dexter: [quietly] How did you...? Wha...? How did you get...? That's it! I've had it with your monkey business!

Dee Dee: But...

Dexter: QUIET!

[A noise alarm triggers]

Computerized voice: [whispering] Warning. Noise level exceeded.

Dexter: Whoops.

Shoo, Shoe Gnomes [2.6b]

[After learning that Dee Dee was gonna pass out cookies to the gnomes]

Dexter: Stupid me.

Lab of the Lost [2.6c]

Dexter: Look, there's R2-D2!

Labels [2.7a]

Dexter's Mom: Honey, why is the carpet all wet here?

Filet of Soul [2.8a]

Dad: What can we say about our beloved Fishy?

Dee Dee: Not much, we only had him for one day.

---

Dexter: Good night Einstein. Good night Major Glory! Good night, ghost of dead Fishy.

---

Dexter: Dee Dee! Did you see the disgusting spook-fish that almost killed me?

Dee Dee: No. I just like to run around and scream real loud!

---

Dee Dee: [ghostly voice] Dexter! Dexter! Where are you?! Help me! Help me!

Dexter: Dee Dee, are you playing tricks? [shakes fearfully] Hiding in the closet trying to scare me?

Dee Dee: [ghostly voice] Dexter! The toilet! The toilet!

[Dexter races to the bathroom to find Dee Dee's feet sticking out of the toilet; she is then flushed down the toilet]

Dexter: Dee Dee! [Dee Dee is flushed down into the toilet bowl] No! Dee Dee, come back! Dee Dee, I'm ordering you to come out of this toilet!

Dee Dee: [her apparition appears in the shower] Dexter, help me! I am trapped in the Sewer Beyond!

Dexter: No, you're not! I just saw you go down the toilet!

Dee Dee: Listen to me! There's lots of bad fishies and stuff here and they won't let me go! They won't rest until Fishy is on the other side! You've got to flush Fishy, Dexter!

Dexter: [tries to reach Fishy's corpse] Can't reach! It's no use! My arms, they are too short!

Dee Dee: Come on, genius boy! Figure it out!

Dexter: [grabs a toilet plunger and pulls Dee Dee out. The apparition of Dee Dee disappears from the shower and Dee Dee is freed] Dee Dee, flush the fish, NOW!

[Dee Dee tosses Fishy's corpse into the toilet bowl and flushes it down]

---

Dee Dee: Whew! I'm sure glad that's over. Huh?

[A tentacle extends out of the toilet bowl, grabs Dee Dee and pulls her back into the toilet]

Dexter: LOOK OUT! EGAD!

Dee Dee: Help me! Dexter, it's pulling me back, and they're angry, Dexter, REAL ANGRY!

Dexter: [grabs the handle trying to pull Dee Dee free] Why?! We flushed the stupid fish!

Dee Dee: Its soul, Dexter! It's still in the trap! [the Apparition Containment Unit shakes up with a WARNING signal active in Dexter's room] DO SOMETHING! [Dexter reaches for the fishing rod and grabs it just as the toilet begins flushing her down] HEEEEEEEELP!

[Dexter casts his fishing rod which frees Fishy's soul and he departs into the afterlife. Dad then walks in]

Dad: How many times have I told you? Early morning is daddy's special bathroom privacy time. [Upon the flash of lightning, he gains golden glowing eyes with slit pupils and sharp teeth and laughs maniacally]

Golden Diskette [2.8b]

Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans: You crazy girl! Look what you've done!

Professor Hawk: Not to worry boys. [to Dee Dee] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. Thank you.

Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans: Hey! Hey! Hey! What's happening here, Professor?

Professor Hawk: Oh, now, boys, hold on. It's very simple. You see, for the past several years I focused on brain power leading my body to wither. But this young princess reminded me how important my body was, with her innocence and naivety.

Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans: Princess?! But what about the mysterious grand prize?

Professor Hawk: Mmm-hmm. You're right. I've got it! Let's have dance contest. Whoever wins, wins the factory!

Snowdown [2.9a]

Dexter: I know she is my sister, a girl and the neighbourhood champ, but could you please tell Dee Dee to stop PUMMELLING ME WITH SNOWBALLS?!

Dad: Did you say...snowballs?

Dexter: Uh....Yeah....

Dad: They...called me Champ. Back when I had...the gift. [flashes back to his childhood] I was a natural from day one. As I grew, so did my skills. In high school, I was untouchable!

High school kid: Hey, grow up man!

Dad: [VO] They were all just jealous! Jealous of my powers! For I was a king, a force of nature, I was the ultimate snowball warrior! Then I went to college. I was never the same again! [remembers being struck by one snowball]

Dad: That....was the coldest winter...ever... But that's where you come in! You can help me reclaim my title!

Dexter: Why not just let Dee Dee do it?

Dad: No! Her powers are evil. Only as father and son can we truly carry on the legacy. Let the training begin!

---

Dad: Dexter, five words: Scoop, roll, throw, hit, duck!

Mock 5 [2.9c]

Dad: The first thing any racer needs is a car! All the best racers drive cars it's how they go but cars don't grow on trees! Except this one 'cos it's made of wood. Behold, the Mock 5!

---

Mandark: It's Racer D! The most beautiful racer in the world! Racer D.... [crashes his kart]

---

Dad: I can't look, did he crash? No! No, he did just the opposite, he won! Winning is the part I enjoy most about racing especially when the winner is my son! Congratulations Dexter, you've made me very proud.

Dexter: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: If only your.... [sniffling] older sister Dee Dee were here to see this...

Dee Dee: I'm right here, Dad!

Dad: Oh, Dee Dee..! Dee Dee, where have you been all these years?!

Dee Dee: Right behind you.

Dad: Oh, you know I never look back there, ha-ha!

Dexter: Huh?! No, Monkey! That's not candy! That's boiling lava!

Ewww That's Growth [2.10a]

Dee Dee: Hey Dexter, looks like we're next. Dexter?!

Dexter: Oh boy! Oh boy! We're next!

---

Dexter: I'm on top of the WORLD!

---

Dexter: This is the greatest day of my entire life! [his head gets hit by the top edge of the roller coaster's tunnel]

Nuclear Confusion [2.10b]

Dee Dee: [narrating] Dexter, I have hidden your funny glowy thing! Now you have to find it! Just follow the clues! Won't this be fun?

Dexter: Dee Dee! She does not realize the danger she has caused! If I do not retrieve the nuclear core in 1 hour, it will meltdown, causing a chain reaction which will destroy the Earth! And I won't be able to read my book! [runs] No time to waste!

---

Dexter: [reads] Clue #1. Apple, cherry, blueberry. Are squared. Which pie holds the next clue? [tries to touch the pie]

Dexter's Mom: Dexter?

Dexter: Yipe! [turns to mom]

Dexter's Mom: Ah... If you wanted some pie, all you have to do is ask. Which flavour do you want?

Dexter: One of each.

---

Dexter: Once again, my enormous intellect has triumphed. Now I can test my new lamp and read my book and... [finds out the book is gone and the paper is in the same place] No! The book is gone? How can-? Huh? [reads the paper]

Dee Dee: [narrating] Dear Dexter, if you want to get your book back, just follow the clues!

Dexter: Nooo! Deeee Deeeeee!

A Hard Day's Day [2.11a]

Dee Dee: Mom! Dexter's mooning me!

Road Rash [2.11b]

Dee Dee: Can't catch me!

The Justice Friends: Things That Go Bonk in the Night [2.12b]

Major Glory: You want a piece of me, junior?!

Puppet Pal Mitch: Oh-hoo! You're bonking up the wrong tree, buddy!

Ol' McDexter [2.12c]

Jebediah: Let me introduce you to the family. My name's Jebediah. This here's my very plain wife. I just call her Wife. There's little Ezra. His sister. They're the children. And here's our senior citizen, Grandma. She don't move much but she makes one heck of a scarecrow.

Grandma: [squawks]

Jebediah: We strive for simplicity here, Dexter. We do without those modern conveniences you take for granted.

Dexter: Like neural net computers?

Jebediah: Like plumbing.

---

Dexter: [holds up a potato powered light] Hey Jebediah!

Jebediah: [screams in pain] My eyes!

Dexter: Look, I made a potato powered light just for you!

Jebediah: Evil! I'll be having none of this! You must be punished!

Sassy Come Home [2.13a]

Dexter: Why is it taking so long? I should have been famous a minute ago.

Dexter is Dirty [2.14b]

Mom: Dex, it's time for your bath!

Dexter: But I'll miss my show!

Mom: Don't argue with me, young man, just do it!

Ice Cream Scream [2.14c]

Ice Cream Man: You are wanting to know why? You mean you do not remember?

Dexter: Remember what?

Ice Cream Man: April 19, one year ago: It is first day on job. Everything is going great, until you come. You want the most expensive ice cream. I make suggestion of cheaper ice cream, but no, you want expensive one. And after I'm giving you ice cream, you pay with PENNIES. Do you know how long it took me to count those pennies?

Dexter: Emm... at an average human rate, I'd estimate about 5 hours and 33 minutes?

Ice Cream Man: Precisely. And when the counting was done, it is time to put pennies in safe. Then I'm noticing my shoelaces untied. Now, I couldn't very well stop to tie my shoes since somebody had given me a heavy jar of pennies to hold, and the ice cream man rules say to keep any amount of money OVER a dollar in the safe. So, I trip, and I break my tooth. The pain, it is so bad. My girlfriend left me, I lose apartment, I lose car, I'm forced to live on the freeway with wild animals, I CAN'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM BECAUSE OF THE PAIN! ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID PENNIES!!! [breathes hardly]

Dexter: [chuckles] You know, I still have all of my baby teeth. Ern... I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really, REALLY sorry.

Ice Cream Man: Forget about it, kid.

Dexter: Well, in that case, can I order my ice cream now?

Ice Cream Man: Sure.

Dexter: I'll just have a Choco-Pop, please. [the Ice Cream Man gives him a Choco-Pop ice cream] At last, ice cream to eat!

Ice Cream Man: Dollar fifty, please.

Dexter: [gives a hundred dollar bill to Ice Cream Man] You got change for a hundred?

[Ice Cream Man screams angrily again]

Ultrajerk 2000 [2.15c]

Ultrabot 2000: Greetings, Dexter. Welcome to my laboratory.

Dexter: Emm, excuse me. But, did you say your laboratory?

Ultrabot 2000: Yes, Dexter. My laboratory. While you slumbered, I began an analysis of your primitive laboratory finding it to be highly inefficient. I discovered that by salvaging useful components and destroying obsolete ones, I was able to create this tower capable of performing functions thousands of times greater than its predecessor, rendering a former laboratory and its creator obsolete. And all obsolete materials must be destroyed.

Dexter: [chuckles] Well, then. It sounds like you had a busy night. I'll just unplug it for a little while and you can get some rest. [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him]

---

Dexter: I have created a monster. I got to destroy him.

Ultrabot 2000: I heard that. [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him again]

Dexter: His laboratory, eh? We'll just see about that one.

---

Dexter: [hides in a safe place] Drat. What I need is a diversion, something to draw their fire. Dee Dee! Oh, but Dee Dee is only around when I don't want her. [smiles in silence and pretends to be talking to Dee Dee] Oh, I certainly do have a lot of work to do, and I do not wish to be disturbed! I have no time to play now, so many thingies to do.

Dee Dee: [arrives] Hi, Dexter!

[Ultrabot 4000 Observation Units aim at Dee Dee]

Ultrabot 2000: Attention, new organism. You are intruding in my laboratory. Prepare to be destroyed.

Dee Dee: Hey, Dexter, what are you doing way up there?

Ultrabot 2000: I am not Dexter. Dexter is obsolete. I am Ultrabot 2000.

Dee Dee: Gee, Dexter. You look like Dexter.

Ultrabot 2000: Not Dexter. Ultrabot 2000. Dexter is obsolete.

Dee Dee: You sound like Dexter too, Dexter.

Ultrabot 2000: Dexter is obsolete and must be destroyed. I am Omnibot, the most efficient life form in the universe.

Dee Dee: Boy, you sure act like Dexter. And if you look like Dexter, sound like Dexter and act like Dexter, then you MUST be Dexter!

Ultrabot 2000: [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Units aim at it] I am not Dexter. Dexter must be destroyed.

Dee Dee: Whatever you say, Dexter. OK, see you later, Dexter. [leaves]

Ultrabot 2000: [last words] No, wait. Don't listen to her. [Ultrabot 4000 Observation Units attack it and the control tower explodes] [Dexter approaches Omnibot's slightly active eye and kicks it, shutting it down]

911 [2.17b]

EBS announcer: We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

[The TV shows the last scene of the Action Hank episode]

Action Hank: Phew! Well, I must say that was the most action I have ever seen. I doubt I will ever have a more adventurous adventure ever.

[Dexter starts crying uncontrollably]

The Muffin King [2.18b]

Dad: Like? Like?! Kids, I loved her muffins more than life itself. Those muffins are the reason I married your mother.

---

Dad: [Dressed as Mom] Muffin Time!

---

Dad: [Hidden in the dark] Dexter. Son, could you come in here for a moment? I need to talk to you.

Dexter: And just what is it you want?

Dad: [steps out of the shadows like Darth Vader] Dexter. I... am your father!

Dexter: [shocked] That is not possible! Oh wait, no, you're right.

Dad: So join me! Come to the Muffin Side. Do not resist. It is your destiny.

Dexter: Never!

Dexter Detention [2.19c]

Dexter: We are free!

Prison Warden: Looks like you broke into the state prison.

Don't Be a Baby [2.20a]

Dexter: Computer, what the heck is going on?!

Computer: Goo goo ga ga goo goo pee-pee!

Dexter: Hmm, yes, pee-pee...

Topped Off [2.22a]

Dexter's Dad: Hmm... What the...? [cuts to mugs leaking coffee, coffee pot, and milk] The kitchen's a mess. Something wrong here...! [searches through cabinets] Coffee, coffee, where's the coffee? Hello, coffee?! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE COFFEE?!

Dee Dee: Uh...

Dexter and Dee Dee: We drank it all. [Dad looks shocked, then eerily calm]

Dexter's Dad: You... drank the coffee? [laughs] You two drank the coffee?

Dexter and Dee Dee: [nervous giggling]

Dexter's Dad: [laughing] [goes upset] Where did I go wrong?! I thought I was a good father. I thought I brought you kids up right. You see, kids, coffee is what we adults need to get started in the morning. It's the key to our ignition. You kids don't need it. No, you've got youth! We adults need the coffee. But now, all we have is... [holds up empty coffee pot] THIS! [tries to get a drop from the coffee pot but nothing comes out] Empty! A mere shell of its former self! I've seen some pretty horrible things in my life, but this... this is just... [lowers his voice to a hiss] SICK! [sobbing]

---

[Dexter and Dee standing in front of Dexter's parents in their morning clothes drinking coffee]

Dexter's Dad: Everything is gonna be okay! We had coffee after all! [with a frightened look] But what if we didn't?

No Power Trip [2.22c]

Dad: Hon, when's the last time we washed the car?

Sister Mom [2.23a]

[Dad appears from behind the staircase and grabs Dee Dee, who is disguised as Mom]

Dad: Give us a kiss.

Dee Dee: [She replies by pushing him away] Ew! Gross! I don't wanna kiss you! [She leaves]

Dad: [dejected] So, what's new?

Principal: So... as I was saying, we here at Huber Elementary take great pride in our brightest students like Dexter here [he rubs Dexter's head, Dexter laughs], which brings me to why I called you both here. It seems that, well, Dexter's grades are slipping. Now, ma'am, I know this may be hard for you to swallow, but... but... Dexter got an A minus on his last test. [starts crying] I'm sorry!

Dee Dee: That's it? An A minus, that's what you did wrong?!

Principal: Uh...

Dee Dee: You give me a full body makeover all for a lousy A minus?!

Principal: Um...

Dee Dee: Jeez, I thought you stole the school mascot or destroyed the science lab...

Dexter: Hey!

Dee Dee: Or at least TP'd his office!

Principal: Hey!

Dee Dee: But no, you got a stupid A minus, [hits Dexter's head] dork.

Principal: Oh my.

Dexter: Well, "Mom", I wouldn't have gotten an A minus [jumps up and raises his voice] IF MY STUPID SISTER WOULD STOP BUGGING ME!

Dee Dee: Dee Dee is not stupid! She is prettier, taller, nicer, friendlier, happier, and way more popular than you'll ever be! Plus, your father and I like her best so...

[A fight between them breaks out]

Principal: Um... Eh... Er... Wait. Er... stop? Please? Please! STOP!!! [Dexter and Dee Dee stop fighting] That's enough! Obviously, this Dee Dee is the root of a lot of aggression between you two. Which is why I'd like the three of you to talk to the school counselor, let's say, same time tomorrow?

The Laughing [2.23b]

Clown: Joke time! Joke time! Joke time! Alright, kids. Why is 6 afraid of 7? [beat] 'Cause 7 8 9!

[the kids, minus Dexter, burst into laughter]

Dexter: I don't get it.

Dexter's Lab: A Story [2.24a]

[The dog is roaming around under the table sniffing around the family]

Dad: So, Dexter, where's your new buddy? Oh! Well, hello down there!

Dog: Hey! It's the man from before!

Mom: Oh!

Dog: This one's a lady!

Mom: He certainly is friendly.

Dee Dee: Oh! Yeah, a little too friendly.

Dog: IT'S THE STICK!

Better Off Wet [2.24c]

Dee Dee: Hmm... Now where was I going? [a bit of the roof lands on her head] POOL! [takes off like a jack rabbit, wearing her swimsuit, and sandals, arrives at the pool outside, flips off her slippers and puts on her swimming cap] Hurry up, Dexter! [rides the slide and lands into the pool before she squirts out water]

Dexter: I am not ready yet. [takes his hat, dressing gown, and takes off his sandals, showing his purple swimming trunks]

Dexter's Mom: [in her bikini and pumps, walks over to the pool] Dexter, ready to get wet?!

Dexter: Almost! [rubs sunscreen onto his arms]

Dexter's Dad: [appears behind Dexter's Mom] Hi, Dexter! [the camera pans in on a shocked Dexter]

Dexter: NO! [takes off]

Dexter's Dad: Dexter? [looks around]

Dexter: [blinks on the roof, thinking he is safe] Phew...

Dexter's Mom: [having thrown off her pumps, stands on the diving board, walks across to the edge, and bends down, but jumps into the air, and dives into the pool, just to disappear for mere seconds, and just in time to come back up] Come on in, Dexter, the water's great!

Dexter: Okay, Mom.

Mee Mee and Lee Lee: Hey, Dee Dee! We're here!

Dee Dee: Hi, girls, come on in!

---

Dexter's Dad: Boy, they sure are talented.

Dexter: You said it. [realizes Dad was right next to him]

Dexter's Dad: Boo!

Dexter: [screams in terror, Dad tries to push push him into the water, but fails when Dexter only bounces off of Dee Dee, Mee Mee, and Lee Lee's heads. He pants only for a short while] Phew!

Dexter's Dad: Darn, I just can't get that kid! [He notices Dexter's Mom walking up to the pool] Oh, well! [while Mom dips one foot into the water to check if the water's nice, Dad runs up behind her and pushes her off the edge as she screams in terror and lands in the pool]

---

Dexter's Dad: Good job, son, you finally made it in the pool.

Dexter: Thanks, Dad, I don't know I was so shy of the water. [Dexter's Parents and sister laugh because Dexter is naked because he has lost his trunks!]

Critical Gas [2.25a]

Dexter: [watch beeps] Oh, lunch time! [answers phone] Yes, hello, Burrito Palace? I would like to order a Big Bad Burrito, please. Thank you, goodbye.

Dexter: Oh, the mother of all Burritos.

Mom: Oh, your bunny pajamas! I thought you hated those.

Dad: Son, you have given me the greatest gift that has ever been given in the history of gift giving!

Dexter: You stupid robots! I order you to go out there and be free!

Let's Save the World You Jerk! [2.25b]

[Earth is destroyed by meteors]

Dexter: That was all your fault, you gnome!

Mandark: No way! You're taking the heat for this one, Dexter!

Rushmore Rumble [2.26a]

Dexter: [screaming]

Dee Dee: HI DEXTER! Penny for your thoughts?

Dexter: I'm thinking Lincoln!

---

Timmy's Mom: Timmy, why don't you go and play outside?

Timmy: Is it safe?

Timmy's Mom: Well if course it is.

Timmy: Okay. [runs outside the house] La La La La La La La La La La La. [plays with toy cars, sees the giant statues of Washington and Lincoln walking by, then screams, runs back to the house and slams the door]

The Old Switcharooms [2.29b]

Mom: You Kids are in big trouble.

---

[Dee Dee and Dad enter Dee Dee's room and see that Dexter has destroyed it and is naked]

Dad: Grrrrr!

Dee Dee: [gasps] Dexter, you're naked! [knocks the trophy out Dad's hands, destroying it]

Dexter: Now look what you did Dee Dee. You clumsy fool!

Dad: Grrrrr!

[Cut to Dexter who is now in the doghouse, having switched "rooms" with the family dog]

Dexter: Uh? Well, at least I don't have to worry about the dog destroying my lab.

[Cut to the dog barking and howling and destroying Dexter's lab]

Trick or Treehouse [2.29c]

Dee Dee: Well, well. Look who's smaller than a breadbox.

Dexter: [inside the breadbox] Dee Dee! Let me out of here!

Dee Dee: Ha! I didn't know you could stick your beak into my business, and to get even, I get to go play around in your lab.

Dexter: Please! Dee Dee! No! No! Let me out!

Dee Dee: See you 'round, shortbread!

Dexter: Dee Dee! No! No! Please! Let me out! No! No! Please! No! No! No! No!

Dee Dee: [giggles in Dexter's laboratory]

Dexter: Please! No! No!

Accent You Hate [2.30b]

Gary: You know, kid. You’ve got a funny accents. And if you haven’t read I hate kids with funny accents.

---

Gary: Get away from me! SHUT UP! I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!

[The statue punches Gary. The kids gasp. Gary's face grows red and big]

Gary: My face! It hurts!

Pirate Kid: Arr! Now look who has the funny accent!

DiM [2.32a]

Dee Dee: You know they're all gonna burn out eventually.

Dexter: I know...

Repairanoid [2.32c]

Mom: When an electrical problem arises, I call a specialist! [Dad appears with a helmet and tool belt] No, honey. Not you.

sdrawkcaB (Backwards) [2.33a]

Dexter: [wears a Reverse Belt and walks backwards] !skrow tI !skrow tI .elbidercni si siht ,woW .snoitca nwo ym esrever yllautca oT [to Robot] .drawrof ,hguone si taht ,toboR ,yakO .drawroF [starts to get angry] -rof ,ydaerla thgirlA [gasps in reverse] .em ylliS [laughs in reverse] .mehA [to normal] Forward.

Robot: Forward. [sets the lever from Reverse to Forward to Red to Green]

Dexter: [walks normally] Wow, my Reverse Belt is a success! I must make a note: In order to be understood, I must speak backwards so that it sounds as though I am speaking forward, or it is forward so that it sounds reversed?

Robot: Reverse.

Dexter: Aah! No, robot! Wait! [The robot pulls the lever; Dexter's Reverse Belt buckle turns red] !tiaW !tobor, oN !haA ?desrever sdnuos ti taht os drawrof si ti ro... I mean for... ward!

Robot: Forward.

[It pulls the lever; Dexter's belt buckle turns green]

Dexter: Robot?

Robot': Yes, Dexter?

Dexter: Please remind me never to oil you again.

---

Mom: Oh, there you are, Dexter. Be a dear and take out the trash for your mother.

Dexter: But, Mom...

Mom: [angry] The only "but" in this conversation is a spanked one, now get on it!

---

Dad: Ugh... I don't feel so good. Oh... [He notices Dexter running back and forth due to the Reverse Belt] Dexter, what have I told you about running on the stairs?

The Continuum of Cartoon Fools [2.33b]

Dexter: Ah... Now I can get some work done in peace.

[Dee Dee is working on an invention]

Dee Dee: Hey Dexter, can you please pass the atomizer?

Dexter: Oh certainly. [He then screams in shock]

Dexter: All right, how the heck did you get in here?! Did you get in through the 2-Dimensional Facial Filter? [He presses a button and Dee Dee is compacted down a narrow passageway] Yes! [Dee Dee now completely flat suddenly walks up to Dexter]

Dee Dee: No.

Dexter: Did you get in through the secret Molecular Disconfiguration Access Port? [He tosses Dee Dee inside and Dee Dee is absorbed. Dee Dee appears next to Dexter.]

Dee Dee: No.

Dexter: A ha! You came in through the secret Sky Port. [They come into a room with a pigeon]

Dee Dee: You're kidding?

Dexter: Cassius, emergency exit! [Cassius flies her out of the lab.]

Cassius: It's a living.

---

[Dexter swallows the key to the secret bookcase entrance]

Dexter: THERE! NOW NO ONE'S GETTING IN! [maniacal laugh]

Dee Dee: Hmmm... Yep. No one's getting into Dexter's Lab now. [leaves as Dexter's smile of insanity turns into a look of horror]

Dexter: Uh, oh my dear... In my overwhelming zeal to banish my sister from the lab, I have indeed locked myself out! Too blinded was I not to foresee the most piteous of fates. I have thus performed the ultimate tragic irony! [now standing in front of the 'The End' title card] Surely, I am the fool of fools on a par with no other. I am no better than that stupid coyote or that crazy duck! Look at me, look at me! I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! I am doomed to a life of comic mishap adventures and social indignations! And now, here I stand before you, beaten, defeated and alone...

Gooey Aliens That Control Your Mind [2.34b]

Dexter: The planets, the moon, make a wish, I wish for an alien lifeform! [a radioactive rock drops from the sky] Thanks! What you're made of?

["No DNA found"]

Dexter: Oh, impossible, unless... [gasps] he escapes. Come back here. Gotcha! Drat!

Dad: Freeze, FBI! [sprays garden hose on the car, and laughs]

Dee Dee: Hi mom, nice blueprint.

Mom: [in alien voice] BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

Dad: [in alien voice] Nice Blueprint.

Mom: Help me with the table.

Dee Dee: You say it.

Misplaced in Space [2.34c]

Alien: Gork.

Dexter: [translating on his watch] 'Food?' Yeah, 'food'. You ate mine, yours, and everybody else's!

Alien: Gork.

Dexter: You can't still be hungry

Alien: Gork...

Dexter: Wh...Why are you looking at me like that?

Alien: GORK!

Dee Dee's Rival [2.35a]

Dee Dee: Dexter! Dexter! [Dexter smashed his control with a hammer] Oh Dexter. I'm so glad you're here! I need your help! There's a new girl in dance class and she thinks she's better than me. And I want to be a star of the show and thought...

Lala Vala: ...use your science junk to help me beat that skinny creep.

Dee Dee: I have to win, Dexter. Or else...

Lala Vala: ...I'll be forced to break your nerdy...

Dee Dee: ...face any of the kids in class again! Please! Oh please! Oh...

Mandark: ...Oh Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me! I'll do it.

Dexter: But you better keep up your end of the bargain and I'll handle the rest.

Dee Dee: Oh thank you, Dexter. [kisses Dexter's nose and laughs]

Lala Vala [flings Mandark's nose and laughs]

Pslightly Psycho [2.35b]

Dexter, Dee Dee and Dad: Happy Mother's Day!

Mom: New Gloves!

Blackfoot and Slim [2.36a]

Narrator: The Concrete Jungle. Deep within its seemingly endless towers, glass, steel and mortar, life exists.

---

Narrator: For someday, we shall return to check up on this wonderful creature. This wonderful world of Blackfoot.

Trapped With a Vengeance [2.36b]

Yani: [narrating] My job is simple. After the designated hours of education, the children exit to return home, while I clean, sweep and prepare their environment for the next day of education in sterile surroundings. For I am Yani the janitor. It is an uncomplicated job that leaves me much time after to spend with my beloved wife, but one children continues to complicate situation and torture. [Dexter laughs evilly in a deep voice] Night after night, he stays much time past designated hours. And when he decides to go, he leaves a residue of filth that prolongs me for my beloved for several more hours. And when I return home, my love is taking her slumber, and waking her would be catastrophical. So I wait and I plan, until the day that he will need to exit quickly for something important, for then I will have him... TRAPPED WITH A VENGEANCE!

---

Yani: Hello, Dexter.

Dexter: What are you, crazy or something?!

Yani: [points to dexter] No, Dexter! I want you to feel the pain that I feel when you make me stay late every night!

Dexter: What?

Yani: [opens the double doors] Here you go, Dexter. There's the exit. Go home.

---

Yani: So, Mr. Smarty Pants, what do you have to say now?

Dexter: Clean up this mess!

---

Yani's wife: Yaniiiii!

Yani: Liebchen. [Sweetheart in German language]

Yani's wife: Do not liebchen. I wait every night for you to come home, thinking that you're working hard, but here I find you goofing around with friends!

Yani: But--

Yani's wife: No. Not another word. You coming home...

Yani: But--

Yani's wife: NOOOOOWWW! [to Dexter] You, boy, open door!

Dexter: [chuckles] Yes, ma'am. [grabs Yani's keys and opens the double doors]

Yani's wife: Come, Yani.

Yani: But--

Yani's wife: COOOOOOME!!!

[The defeated Yani and his wife exit school]

Dexter: Boy, the holidays sure do make people do the craziest things. [whistling Jingle Bells]

The Parrot Trap [2.36c]

Dexter's Parrot: [in Dee Dee's voice] Dexter's a cookie!

Dexter: [angrily] I am not a cookie!

Dexter's Parrot: Dexter's a cookie!

Dexter: Am not!

Dexter's Parrot: Are too, cookie! [Dexter violently shakes the stick the parrot is on, and it switches into Dexter's voice] I'm gonna bop you one, girl! [Dexter slams the parrot onto his desk, and it segues back into Dee Dee's voice] COOKIE! [Dexter repeatedly slams the parrot onto the table, until it is later seen beaten nearly into submission, and is flying away]

Dexter: Good riddance! That has to be my worst invention yet!

---

Dexter's Dad: Who's trying to sneak up on me?

Parrot: Dexter, boy genius. Dexter the cookie!

Dexter's Dad: Shhhh I'm trying to watch my show!

Parrot: I'm gonna bop you!

Dexter's Dad: That is no way to talk to you-

Parrot: You are a stupid girl! Get out get out get out! Yup yup yup! Don't touch anything!

[Dexter's Dad crawls away in fear]

Dexter's Dad: I-I-I-I-I'm sorry

Dexter's Parrot: [in Dee Dee's voice] You're a cookie! [in Dexter's voice] Get out get out get out!

---

Dexter's Mom: Alright, let's see. I'll need two eggs...

[Dexter's Mom cracks open two eggs and places them into the cooking bowl beside her]

Dexter's Mom: One stick of butter...

[Takes a stick of butter placed near her and places it into the cooking bowl]

Dexter's Mom: A half a cup of sugar...

[Dexter's Mom takes some sugar as Dexter's Parrot appears]

Dexter's Mom: A pinch of cinnamon.

Parrot: A cup of cinnamon.

Dexter's Mom: A cup of cinnamon.

Parrot: A quart of pepper.

Dexter's Mom: A quart of pepper.

Parrot: A box of olives.

Dexter's Mom: A box of peppers.

Parrot: Yup, yup, yup!

Dexter's Mom: A block of cheese.

Parrot: A block of cheese.

Dexter's Mom: A gallon of milk.

Parrot: A gallon of milk.

[Dexter's Mom takes the Parrot out of the refrigerator]

Parrot: Are you sneaking up on me?!?

[Mom uses the Parrot as a coffee boiler and pours it into the bowl]

Dexter's Mom: A cup of coffee.

Parrot: A cup of coffee.

[Mom settles the Parrot back down on the counter]

Dexter's Mom: Beans!

Parrot: Beans!

[Cookies fly out of the bowl suddenly]

Parrot: Cooooooooookies!

Dexter's Mom: Cooooooooookies!

Parrot: Worms and plastic minnows.

Dexter's Mom: Now wait just a minute here! ...... Where am I gonna get worms and plastic minnows?

Parrot: The Florida Everglades!

[Mom is seen immediately backing the car out of the house's driveway and driving away]

---

[Dexter has smashed the parrot to keep it from revealing his lab]

Dexter's Dad: Dexter!

Dexter's Mom: How many times have I told you not to throw the bird?

Dexter: But Mom, it's not a real bird. I built it in my secret laboratory.

[Dexter, realizing he just blabbed what the parrot didn't, claps his mouth shut]

Dee Dee: Smooth move, Dexter. Now you'll have to erase Mom and Dad's memories...again!

Parrot: Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter.

Dexter and Computress Get Mandark! [2.37a]

Dexter: You are stupid! You are stupid! And don't forget, you are stupid!

Dexter vs Santa's Claws [2.37c]

Dad: Dexter, what do you have to say for yourself?

Dexter: Well, I'm sorry I ruined Christmas. Again. But, isn't Christmas really about the family, and the love and the sharing and... Oh, Christmas tree! Oh, Christmas tree!

Dee Dee: You blockhead! That's not what Christmas is about!

Dexter: It's not? Then what is it about?

Santa Claus: The presents. Ho ho ho!

Dyno-Might [2.38a]

Dynomutt: Oooooh, what does this button do?

---

Dad: Nice uniform. You on some kind of sports team?

Blue Falcon: I'm the Blue Falcon.

Dad: Oh, yeah, the Falcons! You guys didn't do so well last season.

Blue Falcon: I'm the Blue Falcon!

Dad: Aww, don't be blue!

---

Blue Falcon: I don't understand! This isn't like my old Dynomutt at all!

Dexter: Well... He's not, I built you an all-new one.

Blue Falcon: What? Why?

Dexter: Well, the old one was just a goofy idiot sidekick.

Blue Falcon: He wasn't JUST a goofy idiot sidekick! He was a....go-go dog person!

---

Blue Falcon: Remember, Dexter: It's a goofy idiot sidekick that makes a superhero SUPER.

LABretto [2.38b]

Dad: [talking] Oh, you're back. [Singing] My goodness, my gracious, when will this day be done? Will I have a girl or will I have a son? [Talking] Did you say a son? You're right. I will have a son.

---

Dexter: [singing sadly as the spotlight shines on him] This is not fantasy. This is reality. [talking] I'm stuck for my life! I'm stuck and I'll be stuck forever! With...my sister... [Yelling] DEE DEE!

Last But Not Beast [2.39]

Mandark: All hail Mandark, the genius! All hail Mandark, the genius! Sing a song of Mandark, the greatest genius this world has ever known!

---

Dad: Secret laboratory? Now, Dexter, we need to straight a few things up with this secret laboratory business!

Film

Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip

---

Old Man Dexter: [thundering voice from inside a tower] WHOO DARES TO DISTURB THE GREAT DEXTER WHILE HE DROPS SCIENCE UPON THE WORLD?

Dexter: We are the Dexters of the past. We have come from the past to try to reach your all-knowing presence!

Old Man Dexter: PRESENTS? I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY? I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!

---

Dexter: Dexter!

Adult Dexter: Dexter!

Old Man Dexter: Dexter! Wow!

Adult Dexter: Oh yeah man!

Dexter: You're as cool as I always wanted to be!

Muscular Dexter: Uh... Dexters?

Dexter: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we traveled forward in the time 'cause I heard I... I mean... We saved the future, but he couldn't remember. So then we went back in time to find you and we did! And it was awesome!

Muscular Dexter: Time travel, hmm... You boys will need to be filled in on a few things.

Adult Dexter: Yeah, like what happened to the world?

Dexter: And who is this science hoarding overlord?

Muscular Dexter: Mandark.

Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter: Mandark?!

Muscular Dexter: Many moons ago, Mandark and I were employed by the corporation as research scientists to develop new technologies for the betterment of the future. So naturally, as my genius produced a fountain of amazing ideas. A not so inspired Mandark grew more and more jealous. He began stealing my creations and presenting them as his own. As you may well remember.

Adult Dexter: [angry] Grrr!

Muscular Dexter: He soon gained favor with the executive hierarchy and was quickly promoted up through the ranks. And with one diabolical coup, Mandark overthrew and became the very President of the corporation himself. Then darkness fell. Somehow my most prized invention: the Neurotomic Protocore, fell into Mandark's clutches.

Adult Dexter: Oh my gosh, we left the core out in my cubicle. [Dexter hits him with his elbow]

Muscular Dexter: Mandark tried to employ the powers of the core but the incompetent fool set the positive flow to negative. And now corrupt energies of the core began to twist Mandark already crooked mind, making him even more greedy insane than ever before. I could take it no more. To escape the perversion of my own science, I went underground literally. I dug a tunnel out from Mandark's tower. For years I dug and dug, inching my way to freedom. But while I dug the negative Neurotomic energy swept the world, numbing the minds of the people, allowing Mandark to work his evil tentacles into every facet of technology and society. It was as though he just reached down and wrecked the Earth clean. Hoarding all science, all knowledge for himself. When I emerged I found this world broken and stupid. I did what I could to help, but with the overlord's robots enforcing terror across the land and very few resources at my disposal, it's been a fight just to survive.

Dexter: Aw, buck up, hero, we found the lab and we can all help.

Muscular Dexter: The laboratory!?! I had thought it lost forever. But with the power of the lab plus the genius of me times four equals, the cataclysmic collapse of the overlord's empire of oppression!

Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter: Yeah!

Muscular Dexter: To the laboratory!

---

Muscular Dexter: I'd like to take this time to pat myselfs on the back. Gentlemen, here's to another greatest work completed, for tomorrow we storm the castle!

Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter: Yeah!

[The four Dexters clink the root beer bottles]

---

[The Mandarks rally to stop the Dexters from getting the Neurotomic Proto-Core]

Young Mandark: No! I've always wanted the Core!

Adult Mandark: No! I stole the Core!

Overlord Mandark: No! The Core is mine!

Mandark's Brain: No! Just because I'm bitter and jealous!

---

Old Man Dexter: I remember! I REMEMBER! Dee Dee was the one who saved the future!

Dexter: What? No way!

Adult Dexter: That didn't just happen!

Muscular Dexter: I wanted to be the one who saved the future!

Old Man Dexter: Argh! That girl!

[The Dexters start building robots]

Dexter: I'll teach her to mess up my future savings.

Adult Dexter: Yeah, we'll show her!

Muscular Dexter: Ooh, that little ding dong!

Old Man Dexter: We'll get her once and for all!

[The Dexters finish building robots]

Dexter: Robots! Destroy the one who saved the future! [The robots walk towards the time machine] Well. Huh. That should take care of Dee Dee. It looks like the future is back on track.

Muscular Dexter: I've got a lot of cleaning up to do but with a positive flow of the core everything should work out fine.

Dexter: Well then, we should be getting back to our own times. Goodbye, Dexter.

Muscular Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Old Man Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Adult Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Muscular Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Old Man Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Adult Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Muscular Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Adult Dexter: Goodbye, Dexter.

Old Man Dexter: Goodbye, Billy.

---

Dexter: Well, that wasn't exactly what I expected, but I did turn out pretty cool in the future. [sees himself fighting the robots and is surprised] Wait a minute, I'm still here fighting those robots. [breaks the fourth wall] But wait, those are the robots I just built to get Dee Dee while we're building the future. But now I'm about to destroy them before I even decide to go into the future. So that means when I came back, I came back too far, back before I ever left. So I must have come... No I... Or they were... Oh, forget it. Time travel hurts my brain.

Season 3

Streaky Clean [3.1a]

Mom: [chuckles] Oh, come on out, Shy Boy. Here's your little play clothes all fresh and clean. But I just can't understand how you manage to stain your little outfit so quickly.

Dexter: Yeah, yeah, mom. It's a real enigma. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have much work to be doing. [takes his lab coat and gloves with him and closes the door]

Dad: The boy's right, dear. [puts his hands on his wife's hips] There is much work to be doing.

---

[Dexter streaks through the meadow]

Dexter: Oh boy, that was a close one. I just have to get to Ruthy's Field, and I will be home free! Home...

[Dexter streaks past a hippie couple who think he's celebrating the freedom of his nakedness]

Dexter: FREE!

Male Hippie: Right on, brother!

Mind Over Chatter [3.2a]

Dexter: [in his mind] Yuck! Mom's oatmeal! Tastes like barf!

Mom [gasps] Dexter! Don't be rude!

Dexter: [confused] Huh?

Dexter: [in his mind while watching Dee Dee scarfing down her oatmeal] That sister of mine! What a ferocious pig!

Dee Dee: Hey! I'm no pig!

Mom : That is enough Dexter! Time for school.

Dexter: But wait Dad, what-

Dad: The answer is no! Now get!

Dexter: [in his mind] Dad, what a stubborn poopoo doody head!

Dad: I heard that!

Mom: And we are going to have a serious talk about your potty mouth when you get home from school today!

Momdark [3.2c]

Mom: Huh, what did he mean when he said, "your lab", Dexter?

Dexter: I don't know.

A Mom Cartoon [3.4b]

Mom: Oh Dad will just love this!

---

Shop Announcer: Attention shoppers, we have a red light sale on aisle 8 on... latex gloves!

---

Mom: Would you look at that, the very last pair! Must be my lucky day!

---

Shop Announcer: Attention shoppers,...

Tele Trauma [3.5c]

Dexter: Just last night my friend TV and I went out to eat. I ordered a TV dinner and he got the satellite dish!

[Everyone laughs]

Mr. Luzinsky: Dexter, stop that immediately.

Dexter: Sit on it, Fonz!

A Third Dad Cartoon [3.9b]

Dad: Aw well, I guess we'll have to try again next week.

Season 4

Beau Tie [4.1a]

Beau: I've always loved science.

Dexter's Library [4.2c]

Dexter: Ah, the sweet and silent solitude of the school library.

Boy: Oh yeah, we're so prepared for this. This is going to be a great game, we're going to kicky Booty.

Girl: Our new cheers are so awesome. Wait until you see them, you're not gonna believe it!

Dexter: Ahem! [puts the piece of paper that says "No talking in the Library!" on the table, takes the book from the boy] No book for you, [takes book from the girl] and no book for you!

---

Dexter: Ah, here we are. 701.328. [gasps] Hello! What is this?! "Green Bacon and Eggs"! What is a children's book doing in coelacanth paleobiology? [gets enraged]

---

Robot: [goes in search of a book and returns to Dexter] Cannot confirm target.

Dexter: Cannot confirm target? You illiterate Android! [slaps the robot] Must I spell everything out for you recycled soup cans?

---

Salinger: Dexter, I am very disappointed in you. I leave you in charge of the library for one hour, and look what you do. Just look at this mess.

Dexter: But- but- I... they...

Salinger: I'm giving you the maximum library penalty.

Dexter: [gasps] No! Not that! Please, Miss Salinger. No!

Salinger: That's right. You can only check out 4 books a week, instead of 5.

Dexter: [sobs] It's not very nice of you. NO!

Crowd: Shh!

2Geniuses 2Gether 4Ever [4.8c]

Dexter: Ah, all done.

Mandark: It's about time. Well, let's see what we've got. [takes off the blindfold] Ah! At last, my darkest creation is completed!

Dexter: [gives the remote control to Mandark] After you.

Mandark: May I? [grabs the remote control] With a push of this button, I, Mandark, will unleash a mind-bending transmission which will put the entire universe under my control. And that means you, too, Dorkster. I have double-crossed you once again. And now it will all be mine! [laughs] Ha!

[Mandark tries pressing the button over and over, and Dexter plugs the power cord, and the invention explodes by displaying the title of the television series as a reference to the intro]

Dexter: Ha! Well, well, well, Mandark, who double-crossed whom?

Mandark: This was supposed to be mine, Dexter! All mine, not yours! Mine!

Dexter: Well, like I always say: if you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Ha ha! [The "The End" logo in white appears on the screen] Hey! What is going on? I am trying to wax poetic here.

Folly Calls [4.9c]

Dexter: [sees Dee Dee's hair cut off and laughs insanely] OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME! [laughing and snorting]

Dee Dee: So?

Dexter: Now, Dee Dee. We have been through this scenario so many times before, and you know that I am helpless to assist you for one simple and very basic reason: you are STUPID!

Dee Dee: Oh, please, Dexter. Please! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please! Oh, please, Dexter! Use your vast and unlimited knowledge of science to help me get my hair back! Pretty please.

Dexter: Well, no.

Dee Dee: Alright, Dexter, but remember... [grows bigger] I am your big sister! [grows some more] AND I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG... [grows again] ...IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY!

---

Dexter: Now, Dee Dee, pay attention. You are only to apply one drop of this stuff. Do you understand? One drop, not 2 drops, not 3 drops, not 75 drops. JUST ONE DROP! GOT IT?!

Dee Dee: Yeah. Of course I got it, Dexter. Just one drop. [sings and leaves the lab] One drop, one drop, one drop, one drop...

---

[Dee Dee screams while running entering the lab]

Dexter: Let me guess. You used more than one drop.

Dee Dee: It was too one drop, Dexter! Just a really, really big one drop!

Dexter: Hmm...

Comic Stripper [4.10c]

Dexter: You did it all wrong, Mandark. I figured out you were copying "Mister Misery" all along, so I played your own game against you. [Mandark pretends to be yawning] And then you have the nerve [throws the "Mister Misery" comic] not to even follow the dumb story! Oh, and one other thing... WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS STUPID QUACKING?!

Mandark: Well, you see, Dexter. I went to buy "Mister Misery" but the store was all sold out. So I picked up a copy of "Dangerous Duck" instead.

Dexter: And do you know why "Mister Misery" was all sold out? Because I bought them all.

Mandark: Hmm. Well, then. If you bought them all, how did you expect me to know all "Mister Misery"'s new fight moves then?! [Dexter is upset and a donkey appears] QUACK. [teases Dexter and walks away]

Chicken Scratch [4.12b]

Dexter: [screams in shock] What are the strange protrusions? I must investigate immediately. [Dee Dee arrives while singing] Uh-oh.

---

Dexter: OK, Dee Dee, way too much has happened this morning so, please, GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY! [closes the door] I have no time for her foolishness today.

Dee Dee: [opens the door] But, Dexter, I'm not in your labor... [stops and looks at Dexter] YOU'VE GOT CHICKENPOX!

Dexter: Chickenpox? What is this pox of the chicken?

Dee Dee: Poor Dexter, so knowledgeable in science, but doesn't have enough common sense to know what chickenpox is. Well, a long time ago, a group of evil, contaminated chickens escaped from jail, and started to break into children's houses where they pecked away, giving huge, itchy pimples. And if you stratch them, you turn into an evil, contaminated chicken.

Dexter: Are you crazy, wom-? [scratches]

Dee Dee: [clucks].

Dexter: [screams in fear] I do not want to be an evil, contaminated chicken.

Dee Dee : Then, don't scratch! [leaves Dexter's room]

Dexter: That seems simple enough. [scratches and stops] I'd better keep myself busy so as not to think about the itching.

---

Dexter: Perfect. [thinking while scratching] Now, how much dioxide detrolium should I add? Hmm... what is the correct amount? [stops thinking and scratching and laughs] Silly me! [scratches again] Avoiding scratching this whole time? [freaks out] ROBOT! More drastic measures must be taken.

Robot: Yes, Dexter?

Dexter: Robot, if you see me scratching a part of my body, I want you to zap me with 100 watts of electrons.

Robot: Yes, Dexter. [zaps Dexter]

Dexter: I wasn't ready, Robot.

Robot: Yes, Dexter. [zaps Dexter again]

Dexter: I said I wasn't ready.

Robot: Yes, Dexter.

Dexter: No, Robot, wait! [robot zaps him again] This is not working. [robot zaps him again] STOP, ROBOT!

---

Dexter: A new invention must be created.

---

Dexter: [after creating his invention] Success!

---

Dexter: [destroys the straps after failing to hold back the itching] GOTTA SCRATCH!

---

Dee Dee: Hello! [screams and ducks under her bed] Dexter, is that you?

Dexter: [is now turned into a chicken] Yeah, I scratched.

Lost Episode

Rude Removal

Dee Dee: Oooh! Dexter's got gas!

---

Rude Dexter: Where the f'ck are we?

Rude Dee Dee: Beats the cr'p out of me!

Dexter: [With a British accent] Why, you're in Dexter's Laboratory, silly. I'm Dexter, and this golden-haired angel behind me is my charming sister, Dee Dee.

Dee Dee: [With a British accent] Charmed!

Rude Dexter: Ah, f'ck off!

Dexter and Dee Dee: [gasp] Oh dear!

---

Mom: I hope you're hungry, 'cause I made a [trips over Rude Dexter] very... SPECIAL LUNCH THAT I GOT FROM A RECIPE THAT I... FOUND IN A BESSIE CRACKER MAGAZINE! [pants] I hope you like it.

Mom: [dizzy] Well, what do you think, Dexter?

Rude Dexter: [mouth full] I think it tastes like sh't! [spits at Mom]

Mom: [faints]

---

Mom: [angry] Dexter! No, absolutely not! You cannot have any dessert!

Rude Dexter: Why? You want it all to yourself?

Mom: [gasps, then faints]

---

Mom: Now to clean those filthy mouths.

Dexter: [to the audience] Oh, sh't!

External links

• Dexter's Laboratory quotes at the Internet Movie Database