Dinosaur Comics
Dinosaur Comics is a weekdaily, constrained webcomic by Canadian writer Ryan North featuring talking dinosaurs and covering subjects from the banal to the philosophical. Each comic is the same picture, but with different dialogue. Each strip, in addition to the dialogue, contains three Easter Eggs: the title (available in the RSS feed), the subject for the comments e-mails, and a tooltip.
2003
[edit]February 2003
[edit]- February 1, 2003
- T-Rex: My only problem(s) have to do with you interrupting my stomping!
- February 1, 2003
- T-Rex: crazy utahraptor!
- February 2, 2003
- T-Rex: I GUESS THERE IS A LESSON HERE FOR US ALL!
- February 3, 2003
- T-Rex: The emphasis on male oppression is continued as I stand poised to crush this woman beneath my man-foot.
- February 4, 2003
- T-Rex: I had a friend (female) who dated her roommate (also female). Lesbians!
- February 4, 2003
- Utahraptor: I too have consummated my love for my roommate of the same gender. Now when I see him (quite often, as it turns out) there is a tension that hurts me. Right here.
- T-Rex: [LATER...] I was his roommate!
- February 5, 2003
- T-Rex: The realization that I've had a homosexual affair with the Utahraptor THAT I CANNOT REMEMBER AT ALL profoundly disturbs me. How could I forget such a thing? I wonder what it was like? Maybe I was really good!
- February 6, 2003
- Tooltip: everyone is more articulate in their heads
- February 7, 2003
- Tooltip: notice how he avoided the overdose question
- February 7, 2003
- Subject: keep your nose out of my nutritional business
- February 10, 2003
- T-Rex: I expect this "zinger" to go down in history as the best of its kind ever!
- February 11, 2003
- T-Rex: You know what's great?
- Utahraptor: Not being a T-Rex?
- T-Rex: No! Not being a Utahrapt- God damn it!
- February 12, 2003
- T-Rex: So, my racist joke somehow backfired on me.
- Dromiceiomimus: I hope that's the last time you ever say that sentence.
- February 12, 2003
- T-Rex: Knock, knock.
- Utahraptor: Who's there?
- T-Rex: Utah.
- Utahraptor: *sigh* Utah who?
- T-Rex: Utaught me how to be a stupid jerk! And I was a very good student!
- Utahraptor: Do you even listen to yourself?
- T-Rex: No, but - see? I learnt it from you!
- February 12, 2003
- T-Rex: All those hours of thinking up insults for hypothetical enemies has finally paid off!
- February 12, 2003
- Tooltip: we have all experienced the disappointment of a homemade joke not being recognized as genius
- February 13, 2003
- T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for pointing out the failures of others!
- February 13, 2003
- T-Rex: You have difficulty discerning to whom I am speaking!
- February 14, 2003
- T-Rex: Imagine if we had a beach ball to kick around! It would be so much fun!
- February 17, 2003
- T-Rex: I wonder if I'm the only one that feels as if he isn't living up to his own potential? As a dinosaur, I mean. It's time to live this day...TO THE MAX!
- February 18, 2003
- T-Rex: MY APOCALYPTIC TENOR HAS NOT BEEN DISPELLED!
- February 19, 2003
- T-Rex: I've got a question: who the hell goes to Cornwall?
- February 20, 2003
- Utahraptor: Mankind was foolish to unleash us upon the world! Who are they to play God?
- T-Rex: You said it!
- February 21, 2003
- T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for taking control of my life! No longer will I allow myself to be pushed around (by random chance or otherwise)!
- February 21, 2003
- T-Rex: Maybe you should stop being a jerk also! Maybe THAT!
- February 21, 2003
- Subject: you know there's other punctuation besides the exclamation and question mark, right?
- February 24, 2003
- Utahraptor: Relationships take time and effort. They can't happen overnight.
- T-Rex: HEY! That's not what your Mom said! Last night! When we had SEX!
- February 24, 2003
- Subject: your mom is so considerably obese
- February 25, 2003
- T-Rex: Uh, well, what I want to say is that I'm sorry I said I had sex with your Mom last night. I actually didn't have sex with anyone last night. Or ever, for that matter.
- Utahraptor: WHAT? What about us?!
- T-Rex: I can't help it if I can't remember it!
- February 26, 2003
- T-Rex: How are you?
- Utahraptor: Great! AND, I finally thought of the perfect answer to the question you asked me, two weeks ago!
- T-Rex: Oh?
- Utahraptor: "No"!
- February 26, 2003
- Subject: holy shit did i enter another time warp???
- February 27, 2003
- Tooltip: truly, the salient elements of the film have been distilled and displayed, in comic form
- February 27, 2003
- Subject: where did the hair dryer come from?
- February 28, 2003
- T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for people volunteering unwanted personal information about themselves! Should be awkward!
- February 28, 2003
- Utahraptor: Hey, I had a dream about you last night, only you had my mother's body, and, um- Father's genitals.
March 2003
[edit]- March 3, 2003
- T-Rex: If you are still confused, re-read this comic and I will explain things for you again.
- Tooltip: if i am going too fast, re-read it again more slowly
- March 4, 2003
- Subject: I have to say I love you In an email!
- March 5, 2003
- T-Rex: I dreamed last night that I was sleeping in a very tiny car. When I woke up, my arms were sore! True story!
- March 5, 2003
- Tooltip: how did a t-rex sleep? they have such stubby arms, how could they get up? seriously!
- March 6, 2003
- Reuters News Service: These remarkable tracks are joined by those of an adult Utahraptor, who apparently stopped and stood face to face with the T-Rex (one almost wants to speculate that the two were engaged in sparkling conversation) before returning the way he came...
- March 7, 2003
- T-Rex: I see all of my relations in economic terms! You provide value to me by providing me a "sounding board" for my ideas, and also (potentially) as a mate! Conversely, this house provides no value to me, and my relation with it is understandably strained!
- Dromiceiomimus: please leave me be
- March 7, 2003
- Utahraptor: Does not seeing everything through the lens of economics ultimately reduce all relationships, in factall of life, to mere line items on a hypothetical statement of earnings?
- T-Rex: Shit!
- Tooltip: he hadn't thought of that
- March 19, 2003
- Evil T-Rex: I love being bad - I mean I love being good! Because 'bad' is 'good' to us! And by 'us', I mean the entire universe.
- March 27, 2003
- T-Rex: I have much to offer a potential mate! I am big and strong and oh so sexy! If only I could find someone, preferably in my own neighborhood, to be my companion and also to have sex with!
April 2003
[edit]- April 9, 2003
- Utahraptor: I have no input of value relative to this specific situation.
- April 14, 2003
- T-Rex: The problem of course is the fiancé, who (as I understand it) does not support his wife-to-be sleeping around with another man.
- April 15, 2003
- Narration: Dinosaurs, or Man-Lizards, to-day knowne as G-d's Mistake, had assum'd Domain over all the Worlde, including the dark Lands of China-Men.
- April 15, 2003
- Narration: By no means Fit for their Purpose as Kings and Queens, the Dinosaurs spread Fear and Incontenience, along with several similar Inconveniencies, which neither can be Described nor Understood without having first seen one of the Færsome beasts for oneself; thy Stars are indeed Fortunate, for in to-day's Moderne Age, the only such Animale thy shall see is in a rare Wood-Cut or handsel Picture-Book, where thou art Protected from the joyn'd Devourment and Digestione by the Fictionality of the Beast in question.
- April 15, 2003
- Narration: The stern voice of Science tells us that these Monstrosities, once having exhausted the Novelty of Death-giving, simply took it as a Matter-of-Course, and paid it little Attenshon, likely dedicating the remainder of their Faculities towards some Conversation and Jokery.
- April 17, 2003
- Utahraptor: I'm sorry we ever had a homosexual affair!
- April 28, 2003
- T-Rex: I wish I was never born!
May 2003
[edit]- May 6, 2003
- T-Rex: I have been working on a script: a noir about a computer programmer who gets involved in a snuff film conspiracy. The title? (A)bort, (R)etry, (M)urder!
June 2003
[edit]- June 26, 2003
- Subject: love is when she send you an instant message that says 'u r my sweetie' and you reply 'i [heart emoticon] u'
July 2003
[edit]- July 8, 2003
- T-Rex: Lost babies turn up in the strangest places! For instance... under the couch!
- July 16, 2003
- Narration: HEY KIDS! PLAY ALONG WITH T-REX! Write in your own response, based off the teachings of whatever religion you fancy! Have fun, but remember: the T-Rex doesn't like to swear!
August 2003
[edit]- August 5, 2003
- Utahraptor: "Quite affable at times"? That's it? That's my compliment? That's pretty weak!
- August 7, 2003
- Utahraptor: Knock it off! It's obvious to everyone you're talking about your VIRGINITY.
- August 13, 2003
- Utahraptor: T-Rex! God must either be dead or uncaring! Sorry, was that too eager? Running up behind you like that? Too eager? T-Rex?
September 2003
[edit]- September 4, 2003
- T-Rex: So I have started a new screenplay, based on Structured Query Language for databases! It's called...UPDATE bodies SET status = 'DEAD'!
October 2003
[edit]- October 3, 2003
- T-Rex: I love lesbian weddings!
- October 3, 2003
- Tooltip: today's last panel is ANOTHER good e-mail signature line!
especially if you're a businessman/woman!
Imagine:
In conclusion: all evidence points to the fact that, despite misgivings, we must begin to consider utilizing 'coop-etition' and start workin
November 2003
[edit]- November 12, 2003
- T-Rex: Any fine new sexy ladies, please identify yourselves to me! I will be pleased to seduce you after introductions have been made! I am the strapping young T-Rex stomping on things!
December 2003
[edit]- December 23, 2003
- T-Rex: I need to think of awesome presents to get all my friends! Then I'll go out and buy these gifts! I will do this using CAPITALISM.
2004
[edit]January 2004
[edit]- January 1, 2004
- T-Rex: People now choose to announce their resolutions, perhaps in the hopes of making their pledges more likely to be fulfilled. Worse, in some families members make resolutions for each other: a recipe for fighting and snide, sarcastic suggestions!
- January 1, 2004
- Tooltip: i really like how the t-rex's smile came out in the last panel. you can tell they're such close friends that they can tease each other like this.
- January 12, 2004
- T-Rex: Other things that don't exist include talking plants and ham and cheese sandwiches that are made out of neither ham nor cheese! These things DON'T EXIST. Also: objectivity.
- Subject: people are inventing new things that don't exist all the time
- January 12, 2004
- T-Rex: Other things that exist include book reports and ham and cheese sandwiches that are made, of course, out of ham and cheese! These things EXIST. Also: rock concerts.
- January 28, 2004
- T-Rex: I intend to make all sorts of pronouncements about myself, pronouncements that people will be forced to accept, because who would know myself better than me? Nobody, that's who!
February 2004
[edit]- February 12, 2004
- T-Rex: If you greet all of your friends with a handshake, then, WITHOUT FAIL, people will start commenting on how classy you are!
- February 24, 2004
- (After T-Rex invites everyone over for an 'Ice cream night')
- T-Rex: Shit, it's still winter!
March 2004
[edit]- March 8, 2004
- Utahraptor: Besides, everybody knows that the smart way to build a time machine is to spend your life building it, but then have your future self send it back in time to you right now, thereby saving you the effort! You've been wasting your time!
April 2004
[edit]- April 28, 2004
- T-Rex: I like to keep my sexual fantasies grounded in good science, thanks!
May 2004
[edit]- May 11, 2004
- T-Rex: Curiosity: SATISFIED!
- May 20, 2004
- T-Rex: You know what's funny? Death!
- May 13, 2004
- T-Rex: Cause I read your weblog last week, and you were all, 'I want to go back in time and set it up so I become king!' Your current mood was 'kingly'! I thought to myself, 'T-Rex, you'd better make a note of this!'
- May 24, 2004
- Utahraptor: My friend, I'm afraid you've gone insane! You're coo-coo crazy!
- T-Rex: Why's that?
- Utahraptor: You're talking to yourself like you are two different people, and it is a societal norm that people who do that are insane.
- T-Rex: Don't talk to me about societal norms! We walk around naked! Observe!
June 2004
[edit]- June 14, 2004
- T-Rex: I have failed to prove my point!
- Tooltip: i basically end all my five-paragraph essays like this
July 2004
[edit]- July 14, 2004
- T-Rex: You can't copyright a fact (like a number), but you can copyright a creative work, like a song or piece of software. But since one can be transformed into another, copyright law is logically INCOHERENT.
August 2004
[edit]- August 4, 2004
- T-Rex: "Explore your feelings?" Shuck that jive, man! Feelings are for sissies and the elderly! Whom, it's worth noting, I respect.
- August 5, 2004
- T-Rex: In that case, I would advise them to meet women on the internet.
September 2004
[edit]- September 8, 2004
- T-Rex: I warn you: a school burning down? Pretty wacky!
- September 16, 2004
- T-Rex: I have faith in random developements of chance of a potentially divine nature. From where do you hail? You attractive individual!
October 2004
[edit]- October 31, 2004
- Dromiceiomimus: But T-Rex, most fanfiction has characters from TV and movies acting implausibly in implausible situations, and also kissing each other!
November 2004
[edit]- November 08, 2004
- T-Rex: Forget it, Dromiceiomimus! I don't want to hear anyone's voice all up in my earhole!
- Utahraptor: Ewwww! "All up in my earhole"? That's disgusting! "Earhole"! Man! Friendship annulled! You're gross!
- November 16, 2004
- Dromiceiomimus: Congratulations my friend! I am supportive of your sexual proclivities. What's Stereotypical Male Fantasy Number 2?
December 2004
[edit]- December 7, 2004
- T-Rex: (Science means that not all dreams can come true!)
- December 14, 2004
- Narration: TEEN MAGAZEEN by t-rex
"friends with benefits": pretty hot
are you fully aware of sex? maybe not?
special feature: stories where people lose their pants and are thus embarrassed
plus: understanding europe
- December 30, 2004
- T-Rex: I have lived as few men dared dream!
2005
[edit]January 2005
[edit]- January 3, 2005
- T-Rex: ! "We can sexy" is totally going to be my epitaph! For reals!
- January 5, 2005
- T-Rex: Hah hah! I am an agent of CHAOS!
- January 10, 2005
- T-Rex: Whatever, man! WHAT to the EV to the E R!
- January 24, 2005
- T-Rex: That's part of the fiction! The SCIENCE FICTION!
- January 27, 2005
- Devil: THE TESLA COILS ARE A WISE DEFENSIVE STRATEGY
FEW CAN SURVIVE THEIR ELECTRICAL ONSLAUGHT
February 2005
[edit]- February 8, 2005
- T-Rex: Woooo! Spring break WOOO!!
- February 17, 2005
- T-Rex: "Happy Dog the happy dog is the happiest dog on his street! He loves to play in the grass. Everyone you know will one day be dead!"
- February 17, 2005
- T-Rex: Your whole family is made out of meat.
March 2005
[edit]- March 2, 2005
- Racoons and Cephalopods: T-REX - WE WERE NOT MEANT TO BE
- March 2, 2005
- Tooltip: T-REX, WE PUT OUR MINDS TO IT AND DEVELOPED VOCAL CORDS!
- March 3, 2005
- Racoons and Cephalopods: T-REX, WE'RE GOING TO SNEAK INTO BED WITH YOU TONIGHT! WE'LL BE LIKE "HELLO T-REX"
- March 10, 2005
- Devil: T-REX YOUR COMPANION IS CLEARLY UNFAMILIAR WITH MY PROWESS IN THE REALM OF MMORPGS
- T-Rex: Must be nice!!
- Devil: THE CHRONICLES OF MY DARK ELF CHARACTER ARE ASSUREDLY THE STUFF OF LEGEND
- March 11, 2005
- T-Rex: Stupid whitelist spam protection systems!
- March 14, 2005
- Racoons and Cephalopods: COME BLEED WITH US, T-REX
April 2005
[edit]- April 11, 2005
- God: BY THE WAY THAT IS A CATCHY TUNE T-REX
I'M GONNA STEAL IT OK
- April 19, 2005
- T-Rex: I don't think about video games as much as you do! Okay? You've got to understand this! T-REX EQUALS DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT VIDEO GAMES ALL THAT OFTEN!
- April 19, 2005
- Devil: I ASSURE YOU THAT I HAVE NOT GONE ANYWHERE MY MOUTH WAS MERELY OCCUPIED WITH DORITO-RELATED ACTIVITIES
- T-Rex: Great! Let's talk about that instead!
- Devil: I LIKE RANCH FLAVOUR
- Tooltip: welcome to comics about chips week, here at qwantz.com
- April 21, 2005
- Utahraptor: Wow, people are going to think you're an ass!
- T-Rex: A CONTROVERSIAL ass, though! Of fame!
May 2005
[edit]- May 2, 2005
- T-Rex: Hah, the next thing you know, I'll have a wacky but non-threatening gay frien-OH MY GOD
- May 4, 2005
- T-Rex: The only way to truly live a meaningful life is to engage in sexual congress with a large number of partners!
- May 5, 2005
- God: HEY T-REX DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE WIND COMES FROM
- May 5, 2005
- Devil: I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY THESE SCURRILOUS ALLEGATIONS
HOWEVER I DO CONFESS TO ACHIEVING UPWARDS OF FIFTY POINTS
- May 6, 2005
- T-Rex: You can't apply broad generalizations to heterogeneous groups! Each person has their own unique properties and outlook on life. Dude! Good thing I was around, eh?
- May 11, 2005
- T-Rex: Man, I'm amazing. I'm a machine that turns FOOD into IDEAS!
- May 18, 2005
- Tooltip: relationships are also for the young and the criminally inane
- May 24, 2005
- T-Rex: Yes, well - Utahraptor. My friend died.
- May 25, 2005
- T-Rex: Oh ho, I'm sorry, is it BITCHY in here? I mean witty?
- May 26, 2005
- Subject: i'm programming as hard as i can but still feel sort of empty inside. is this normal
- May 30, 2005
- T-Rex: Argh! Friggin' yoga schools! This is not the first time in my life I've had incident to shout this!!
- May 31, 2005
- T-Rex: I'm working on a group biography about us! But get this: I'm going to bury it when its finished, so when its discovered in the distant future, it will be published for SURE. It'll be historical!
- May 31, 2005
- T-Rex: History does not record, unfortunately, what must have been a stellar retort on the part of T-Rex. Of this, however, we can be certain: he was an awesome dude. One is advised to tell one's friends!
June 2005
[edit]- June 1, 2005
- Utahraptor: So "werewolf" is actually a more sexist word than "woman"!
- T-Rex: According to me: yes!
- June 6, 2005
- God: MAN T-REX YOU'RE ABOUT THREE SECONDS AWAY FROM FATAL RADIATION EXPOSURE YOURSELF
- June 14, 2005
- Tooltip: t-rex's greatest inventions of the past century: women's suffrage, poutine, chips!
- June 23, 2005
- T-Rex: Looks like you've come down on the side of "gendered professional nouns have their occasional uses"!
July 2005
[edit]- July 14, 2005
- T-Rex: I am a firm believer in the 'do nothing and your problems will take care of themselves' school of problem solving.
- July 19, 2005
- T-Rex: Saying "the movie needed more explosions" is my polite way to suggest that the film was a romantic comedy, by the way!
- Utahraptor: I got that, thanks!
- T-Rex: I find that most movies need way more explosions though. You know?
- July 28, 2005
- T-Rex: The REAL question is, why's everyone getting all up in my fries? Is there something particularly attractive about my fries today? - Discuss!
August 2005
[edit]- August 3, 2005
- T-Rex: The only answer I can offer is an enthusiastic "perhaps!" followed by a wide-eyed "who knows??"
- August 2, 2005
- God: DUDE BY MY COUNT YOU'VE CHASED AFTER LIKE TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE BIRDS WHILE NAKED
- T-Rex: There's no shame in that! I do everything naked!
- God: HA - ME TOO MAN
- August 5, 2005
- Dromiceiomimus: Oh yeah? I'M so manly that I manage my emotional output, plus I swim all the way up waterfalls!
- August 5, 2005
- T-Rex: I'm so manly that I pound nails into the wall with my bare hands!
- Utahraptor: Oh yeah? Well I'M so manly that I use my bare hands to pound them out from the other side!
- T-Rex: Oh yeah? Well I'M so manly that I do that too, WHILE IMPREGNATING MY GIRLFRIEND. - Pretty manly! - And pretty consequential!
- August 29, 2005
- T-Rex: Some days, I take an envelope out of the box and I PUSH IT.
September 2005
[edit]- September 2, 2005
- Tooltip: i love the idea of founding a utopian community. it's so hopeful and, at the same time, so egomaniacal!
- September 2, 2005
- Subject: random encounters take time but can add to experience
- September 21, 2005
- Devil: ACTUALLY IN HELL YOU CAN DO JUST ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT ONLY WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT YOU HAVE TO SING SONGS WITH ALL THE LYRICS REPLACED BY "PARTY"
HOUR 34:
- T-Rex: What if I'm a new form of dinosaur that can get tired but that doesn't actually require rest? I'd never know until I did something like this!
- Utahraptor: I think you're exhausted and can't recognize it.
- T-Rex: Are you jealous of my mutant dinosaur powers?
October 2005
[edit]- October 3, 2005
- T-Rex: To conclude, I hope people needed this joke explained, because otherwise I've been hardcore wasting my time today!
- October 4, 2005
- God: SERIOUSLY GUYS I HATE THOSE AD TRUCKS TOO
- T-Rex: Then why don't you do anything about it?
- God: I HAVE MAN
ANYONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ONE OF THEM ENDS UP BEING REINCARNATED AS THE UGLIEST POO BUG IN THE WORLD
ZING - Tooltip: those poo bugs, man.
- October 5, 2005
- T-Rex: In the book, I tell people that the key to being awesome is to do awesome things at awesome times.
- Dromiceiomimus: You know T-Rex, you sure are using the word "awesome" a lot. Is your vocabulary really that limited?
- T-Rex: You're right! I'm not certain if overusing "awesome" is, in fact, awesome. I'll cut it out for a bit while I consider the issue.
- Utahraptor: So wait, I missed it - what's your new book about?
- T-Rex: Um...it's called - "How to Be"? And in the book, I tell people that the key to being is to do things at times.
- T-Rex: I now realize that replacing 'awesome' with a semantically similar word, rather than dropping it entirely, would have been a more viable course of action. Live and learn, bitches!
- October 5, 2005
- Tooltip: once in a while, you can add 'bitches' after an old saying and TOTALLY get away with it. hopefully!
- October 10, 2005
- Utahraptor: Wait - T-Rex, you claim to hear the voice of God! What does he say about all this?
- God: I LIKE TO DANCE IN MY UNDERPANTS T-REX
- T-Rex: He says - there's some merit to both sides of the issue?
- God: THAT IS SO NOT WHAT I SAID
- October 12, 2005
- T-Rex: Hello? I play by my own rules. Rule number one: no going to class, baby! Rules two through five are various socio-economic and anarchic justifications for not going to class. Rule six says it's really too bad that all the ladies are in class right now! My philosophy - she has her limitations.
- October 12, 2005
- Tooltip: can you imagine how frustrating it would be to believe people should go to class, but live in a universe where nobody goes to class? it would probably begin to interfere with other aspects of your life as well.
- October 13, 2005
- T-Rex: Today, I am selling compliments! ...for PROFIT!
- October 13, 2005
- Tooltip: imagine if you named your child 'attaboy special'? it'd be ridiculous! it would be a bad idea. we should all really stop talking about it.
- October 14, 2005
- T-Rex: Aw - but, man! I was looking for a challenge I WANTED to do. Anyway, yeah, I can do it. Easy. Easy peasy Japanesey. ! Is that racist??
- October 14, 2005
- Tooltip: t-rex is clearly under the impression that putting theories into practice is a big turn-on for the ladies. i have no grounds to dispute this
- October 17, 2005
- T-Rex: For example, I might think the word 'tenet' is enraging!
- Utahraptor: Really? You think 'tenet' is -
- T-Rex: Screw you!
- Tooltip: t-rex has somehow come to believe that 'tenet' is a five-letter word that basically insults your entire world-view, goes on to insult that of your parents, and finally settles on suggesting that you have troubles in life because you don't try hard enough.
- October 17, 2005
- subject: this is only a cognitive linguistic theory, which must be why t-rex says "probably", however it is a really cool theory, so it's "chance to be true" ratio is raised by at least 15%.
- October 18, 2005
- Utahraptor: Who is this "Timmy" guy?
- T-Rex: He's a rhetorical dude! He's also my new critical trademark. When something is really juvenile, I'll say it's by Timmy. It implies so much earnest ineptitude!
- October 19, 2005
- T-Rex: Ten roasted chickens for dinner? I believe the answer is "Heck yes!"
- October 19, 2005
- T-Rex: Alright, I admit it! I knew it was bad for me, but I ate them anyway! And - sometimes I don't clean my house as often as I should? Oh! And one time I pretended I was deaf. I - I got caught.
- Tooltip: it turns out there's no real excuse for pretending you're deaf?
- October 19, 2005
- subject: i think "confession time!" is what priests shout before confession begins. i am almost ninety-nine percent certain.
- October 20, 2005
- Tooltip: if you could find a way to factor numbers quickly, you would undermine tons of cryptographic systems overnight. crazy! there is a way to do this using quantum computers, but luckily only really tiny quantum computers exist. one DID recently factor the number 15 into 3 and 5, though!
RUH ROH
- October 24, 2005
- T-Rex: I'm just left with an acute awareness that I could be wrong about some of the things I currently believe in. Not big things, like racism, but little things, like mohawks!
- October 24, 2005
- T-Rex: I think racism is BAD. It's like when you say you're fundraising for cancer - you're not in favour of it! You want to cure it. That's what I meant! Alright. T-Rex: not necessarily racist.
- October 24, 2005
- Tooltip: t-rex is certain about the big things, like racism being bad, but not about little things, like mohawks being cool. there are rallies in favour of mohawks that he has failed to attend.
- October 25, 2005
- T-Rex: Oh goodness, flappers! These were the 1920s equivalent of hipsters, only they looked like boys and had way better slang. The way they talked was the BERRIES. That means something was great!
- October 25, 2005
- Tooltip: alternate ending:
god: YOU KNOW THERE ARE LOTS OF FLAPPERS IN HEAVEN T-REX
t-rex: Oh man! I would love to chat them up and then totally smooch them!
god: WELL
THAT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS REALLY
- October 26, 2005
- T-Rex: Man, how great would it be to have a TATTOO? Assuming it does not go disastrously wrong, it would be super cool!
- October 26, 2005
- T-Rex: We'd have to press our tattoos together to make them line up, and all the people would think we're married! Plus what if we got the tattoos on our lips? Okay! I'm going to stop talking now!
- October 27, 2005
- God: DUDE COME ON TELL PEOPLE YOUR EMBARASSING SECRETS
IT'LL BE SO MUCH FUN
FOR ME
GOD
- T-Rex: And the secret is this: when I lost my virginity, I had the song "Tubtumping" by Chumbawamba stuck in my head the entire time.
- October 28, 2005
- T-Rex: I've decided to stalk a friend! Hah hah, why not? I will be the person they least suspect! This is because I'm violating the understood limits of our friendship!
- October 28, 2005
- T-Rex: Can you help me out?
- Dromiceiomimus: I can, and I will! This is all in good fun, right?
- T-Rex: RIGHT. We are NOT allowed to murder him.
- October 31, 2005
- Dromiceiomimus: Are you - you're going trick-or-treating this year, T-Rex?
- T-Rex: Sure am! I have decided that giving it up when I achieved pubescence was a MISTAKE. I am going to dress up and go door-to-door and get candies! Woo! All I need is a costume and a way to minimize embarrassment.
- October 31, 2005
- T-Rex: Hi guys! It turns out the reason adults don't go trick-or-treating is because you get berated at every house for being too old! Also some kids tricked me and stole my costume! It has been a night of revelation!
- Tooltip: it was one of those 'i bet you can't lick your elbow' type bets that t-rex shouldn't have fallen for, but that's not really important to the story right now.
November 2005
[edit]- November 1, 2005
- T-Rex: I tried calling an escort service once but it turns out that is a euphemism and all the people there were just interested in sex for money!
- November 2, 2005
- T-Rex: Well! I certainly hope I don't get prematurely invited to any PARTIES today!
- November 3, 2005
- T-Rex: You know what's better than school? Not being in school but still learning!
- November 3, 2005
- T-Rex: I've also incorporated into my autodidacticism a distrust of schools as inefficient, repressive institutions. It's part of my new "damn the man" persona!
- November 4, 2005
- Utahraptor: I bet you're just trying to play "hard to get". And, actually, by announcing that nobody can kiss you, you imply that they'd probably want to kiss you under normal circumstances. You're just spinning your cold, using it as good PR!
- November 4, 2005
- T-Rex: But, I'm ALSO creating a shortage of T-Rex kisses to increase demand. Would you say you irrationally want some of my kissing now?
- Utahraptor: Nope!
- T-Rex: Try harder!
- Tooltip: you're doing it wrong!
- November 12, 2005
- T-Rex: Holy crap! There's a bomb in the comic. If I stop stomping the comic will explode! I must stomp unceasingly or we are all surely doomed!
- Dromiceiomimus: Isn't that all you ever do anyway?
- T-Rex: I must heroically continue to save us all!
- November 17, 2005
- T-Rex: Ooh! OR, I could surround myself with attractive and sexually-available women and then try not to have the intercourse with them!
- Utahraptor: That seems more like an excuse for group sex than actual science.
- T-Rex: EXPERIMENT: APPROVED??
- Tooltip: grant request: DENIED?!
- November 18, 2005
- T-Rex: I'm at an impasse! I don't want to kill him, but I figure if I use a humane trap to release him somewhere else, I'm just shifting the problem to the new dude whose kitchen he moves into.
- November 21, 2005
- T-Rex: RPGs sound like nerd games that nerds play! With - with nerds!
- November 21, 2005
- Devil: I INVITE YOU ALL TO PLAY RPGS WITH ME TONIGHT T-REX
- T-Rex: I'm not going to Hell just to play RPGS!
- Devil: I PROMISE ONLY FLAVOURED CHIPS AND HIGH ADVENTURE
- November 22, 2005
- T-Rex: What? No, I wouldn't think of doing that. I'm not trying to set up a Walt Disney-esque scheme for tax sheltered reanimation here!
- November 22, 2005
- T-Rex: These events only serve to further undermine my credibility! Man! Friggin' events!
- November 22, 2005
- Tooltip: you may quite reasonably inquire as to how, exactly, one might set up a charitable organization by accident. the answer, is, of course, "by accident"
- November 23, 2005
- T-Rex: Utahraptor's started his own charity dedicated towards reanimating his body when he dies. What a copycat! It's MY idea, even if I did do it just by accident. Now it's like a bizarre arms race, seeing who can reanimate their dead body first. It's dumb. And yet, I'm totally going to win!
- November 23, 2005
- T-Rex: Because that's what my charity was looking into: reanimating long-dead corpses! We was gonna make zombies. We - we was being straight out socially irresponsible.
- November 23, 2005
- Subject: this comic applies to my own life in several important ways
- November 24, 2005
- T-Rex: Pranks are supposed to end in laughter all around?
- Utahraptor: The best ones do!
- T-Rex: Huh! Mine have all ended with me getting punches to the gut. A few ended in broken marriages! What is this emotion called 'regret'?
- Tooltip: and why is it suddenly so FAMILIAR?
- November 28, 2005
- T-Rex: Everyone loves orange juice! Well, except for people who have cuts on their lips, but they've made their choice.
- November 29, 2005
- Utahraptor: We've built a whole system around ethics, and you're questioning its foundation!
- T-Rex: That's right, baby!
- T-Rex: A better understanding of ethics? Plus the ability to not feel bad for accidentally "murdering" your friends who shoot down your ideas. I MEAN...OOPS
- November 30, 2005
- T-Rex: I am so serious about this. I would have a fireman's pole. The waterslide - the waterslide I can see dying on the drawing board. But a big brassy fireman's pole is a very Freudian way to say "Ladies, I'm the dude with the giant fireman's pole in his house".
- November 30, 2005
- T-Rex: How could I, when there'd be a trampoline at the bottom to ensure soft landings, AND stairs at the side for the elderly and the sissy-panted?
- November 30, 2005
- T-Rex: I will call my house, "The House Where It's Very Hard To Get Any Work Done".
December 2005
[edit]- December 1, 2005
- T-Rex: Just curious! I've never done any, but some of my friends have. They say - they say it's pretty alright? Then they rub their faces on the carpet.
- December 1, 2005
- Subject: i am maybe a little interested just in rubbing my face on the carpet
- December 2, 2005
- Morris: oh t-rex it really was a challenge for me today. but, you can - my name is morris, if you wanted to call me that. morris the bug.
- December 5, 2005
- T-Rex: You can go in to a doctor and he takes a blood test, and then his machine spits out a piece of paper that says "exploded" or "drowned" or "poisoned apple" and that's it. No dates, no details! And so people who are to die from drowning spend the rest of their lives avoiding swimming pools, but they end up drowning anyway. Part of the fun would be seeing how!
- December 5, 2005
- T-Rex: This machine delights in ironically vague deaths.
- December 5, 2005
- T-Rex: It would also work on animals, but all the ones for cows would say "made into delicious cheeseburger". Not that the cows could understand! Friggin' cheeseburgers!
- December 6, 2005
- T-Rex: I think it would be great to have my last words planned out in advance. They'd have to be really memorable, so that people would keep talking about them, and by extension me! Unfortunately, all the good ones are taken. Sucks to THAT!
- December 7, 2005
- T-Rex: Also: learning is not a competition?
- Tooltip: IT IS TODAY
- December 8, 2005
- T-Rex: And YES, I understand that of all the things in the world to get worked up about, maybe poverty and climate change are above one soul-crushing shopping experience downtown. But man! The mall!
- December 8, 2005
- T-Rex: Everyone! Support the implementation of the Kyoto Protocol! ALSO SCREW THE MALL IN ITS STUPID FACE OKAY
- Tooltip: PERSONIFY THE MALL AND JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME OKAY
- December 8, 2005
- Subject: i bought a burger and it had no toppings. no toppings.
- December 12, 2005
- Tooltip: how many times will you hear the phrase 'fetishistic cultural interest' today? well, that really depends on which circles you run in, i'd imagine.
- December 14, 2005
- Racoons and Cephalopods: ONE TIME, T-REX, WE ALL GOT SO HIGH WE STARTED CANNIBALIZING EACH OTHER HA HA HA WHAT ARE THE ODDS
- Tooltip: what you don't see in the next panel is where the raccoons and cephalopods all stop laughing at the same time, cock their heads slightly, and turn to stare at t-rex
- December 15, 2005
- T-Rex: Well, I guess the difference is that nobody will ever get mad at you for being intolerant of racism! Except for racists. But it's okay, because everyone hates racists, right? E-except for racists.
- Tooltip: FRIGGIN' RACISTS MESSING UP MY GENERALIZATIONS, ALSO STEALING MY JOBS, WOMEN
- Subject: epilogue: for the rest of t-rex's life, this problem never actually comes up?
- December 19, 2005
- T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! You owe me ten sub sandwiches, and I'm calling in the debt.
- Dromiceiomimus: I don't owe you ten sub sandwiches! Why the heck would I ever owe you ten sub sandwiches?
- T-Rex: ONE TIME, and I remember this quite clearly, you bet me ten sub sandwiches over something and it was basically pretty clear that you lost.
- December 19, 2005
- T-Rex: God, you owe me several sub-themed items too!
- God: HOLY SHIT WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT
- December 19, 2005
- Tooltip: t-rex has gotten the idea that what debt collection agencies do is "try to get people to buy them a big ol' lunch", which, when you think about it, isn't actually what they do at all. let's be serious about this, t-rex. come on.
- Subject: I'M more of a one-man 'chatting people up at the debt collection agency' agency
- December 20, 2005
- T-Rex: Holy smokes, but that's a pretty awesome expression! 'That dude just fell down the stairs! Holy smokes!' It has the charm of a child, yet is better than the old standby of 'holy cow' because nobody says 'holy smokes' anymore. It is forgotten. It is UNDISCOVERED.
- December 20, 2005
- Tooltip: the alternate ending has t-rex in panel 5 asking utahraptor to tell him something exciting so he can use the expression, and utahraptor says he was at a party last night where some people where doing cocaine in the corner, and t-rex really doesn't know what to say to that. he imagines he would feel uncomfortable in such a situation, but would try to pretend like he was cool with it, like he didn't even care.
- December 21, 2005
- T-Rex: Oh man, robots. So awesome! What other literary construct allows us to discuss the disparate issues of slavery, prejudice, identity, the body AND the self, while also allowing for all the trappings of a science fiction setting? Only robots, my friends! I would seriously marry robots if it were even possible.
- December 21, 2005
- Tooltip: the only way to defeat these robot clones will be to trap them in a logical contradiction, which, as robots, they are supremely under-equipped to handle. it's like what happens if you ask a regular person to assemble a car out of its constituent parts. they just fall to the ground, twitching! we're really from two different worlds, i think.
- Subject: ATTENTION ROBOTS THAT BUILD CARS: what the hell
- December 23, 2005
- T-Rex: Oh man, I haven't bought anyone any presents yet! I AM SO POOCHED! I am the worst friend in the world. This will consummate my social ruin FOR SURE!
- December 23, 2005
- Subject: so wait wait is everyone a sinister robot clone in this comic or what
- December 26, 2005
- T-Rex: I have made a very important New Year's Resolution! It's to make sure that my name becomes an EPONYMOUS ADJECTIVE. People will soon all describe things as 'T-Rexian'! What sort of things? Awesome things, natch!
- December 26, 2005
- T-Rex: Had I finally and irrevocably 'blown it' with my own name? Had my father's famed and final prediction come, at last, to pass? Daaaaaang!
- Tooltip: t-rex's father is an enigma dipped in a few crazysauce predictions
- December 26, 2005
- Subject: i was gonna complain about it not being new year's day in real life when it's new year's day in the comic, but then i was like, dude those dinosaurs are TALKING
- December 28, 2005
- T-Rex: Here is a hypothetical situation: let's say I'm married and going to have a child (with my assuredly hott wife)! What should it be named? MY position is that babies should be named after old girlfriends! Not only does it allow excellent names to be redistributed to new children, but as we have more kids we'll catch up, and eventually one will be named after my wife! It evens out! Everybody wins!
- December 28, 2005
- Utahraptor: How excellent are we talking about? I bet they were named "Cheeseball" and "Chuggy G".
- T-Rex: Those are terrible names! Those are names you give to cats that you don't like.
- December 28, 2005
- Subject: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET MARRIED TO HAVE KIDS RYAN WHY ARE YOU STILL SUPPORTING THE HETERO-NORMATIVE OWNERSHIP PARADIGM
- December 29, 2005
- T-Rex: Okay okay SO - am I making the best use of my time? Judging by the success of others the answer may well be, in fact, 'PERHAPS NOT'.
- December 29, 2005
- T-Rex: UTAHRAPTOR: A GUY WHO IS NOT HELPING RIGHT NOW FRIGGIN' GARDENS OF REGRET!!
- Tooltip: guys i am seriously so sick of gardens of regret right now
- Subject: ryan: a guy who is doing comics right now when he probably should be having a shower and putting on pants?
- December 30, 2005
- T-Rex: Well! I for one would like to register disappointment with every aspect of the future?
- Tooltip: i for one would like to register disappointment with every aspect of these discount oven fries?
- December 30, 2005
- Subject: clearly t-rex told utahraptor about the wish to see the future in timeline a, which was distorted into timeline b by the introduction of the vision of tomorrow in panel 4, oh yes.
2006
[edit]January 2006
[edit]- January 3, 2006
- T-Rex: To begin: my stomping on this manner is a sorted little affair! Take soulless in the fact that at leased ewe are knot being chaste as well!
- Dromiceiomimus: Why don't you chews to do something else? That would be goo gnus to me!
- T-Rex: I will here nun of it!
- January 3, 2006
- Tooltip: IN TWO THOUSAND AND SIX, PEOPLE WILL JUST TELL EACH OTHER WHEN JOKES ARE AWESOME
- Subject: in 2006, 'punchlines' are replaced with 'needless narrative closure'
- January 4, 2006
- T-Rex: That's it - I'll sell naked pictures of myself online! For PROFITS!
- January 4, 2006
- T-Rex: SCIENCE CORNER: Do anti-dollars really mutually annihilate when combined with regular dollars? Science says, 'yes!'
- Tooltip: EINSTEIN PREDICTED THE EXISTENCE OF ANTI-DOLLARS IN A LITTLE-KNOWN PAPER IN 1945! IT WAS OVERSHADOWED BY ATOMIC BOMB FEVER
- Subject: how can you have a science corner without professor science ryan, THE ANSWER IS YOU CAN'T
- January 5, 2006
- Utahraptor: But 'begging the question' is mostly used today to mean 'raising the question'!
- T-Rex: I know! IT'S SO WRONG.
- Utahraptor: Well, I suppose that begs the question, T-Rex: if it's used more often to mean 'raises the question' than 'a fallacy of presumption', doesn't that suggest that the definition of the phrase has evolved?
- T-Rex: NO IT DOES NOT. What it suggests is that everybody sucks but me!
- January 6, 2006
- T-Rex: Oh goodness, I am so thirsty. My thirst is - exquisite. Sublime. Immaculate.
- God: GET A DRINK T-REX
- T-Rex: Nopers! I would much rather consider the precise nature of my thirst. It's - strong! Insistent.
- January 6, 2006
- Narration: LATER, PERFORMING AID AND SANITATION WORK IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA:
- T-Rex: Man! EVERYONE has better reasons for being here than me!
- Tooltip: everyone else is all 'oh i felt like i could really make a difference here' and t-rex is all 'well, uh, i wanted to show up my friend? he's a utahraptor'
- Subject: RYAN ARE YOU BEING PREACHY OR ARE YOU JUST STRAIGHT UP MAKING JOKES ABOUT WATER
- January 10, 2006
- T-Rex: I've never had any problems with dating someone of a different religion, but I imagine under certain circumstances it could be a problem! Much like... most things?
- January 10, 2006
- T-Rex: Luckily, as I say, this has never happened to me. Therefore, double high fives for conflict avoided??
- Utah raptor: I'm not giving you double high fives, T-Rex.
- T-Rex: Man!! Don't leave me hangin'!
- Tooltip: later: CLEARLY reluctant double high fives
- January 10, 2006
- Subject: t-rex probably says 'most religions' in panel 3 in case there ARE some religions that are all about just going through the motions; religions which he is, as yet, unaware of.
- January 11, 2006
- God: HEY T-REX SETTLE A BET WHAT ONE CHANGE WOULD YOU MAKE TO YOURSELF IF YOU COULD
- T-Rex: Raising one eyebrow!
- January 11, 2006
- God: OKAY WELL IT LOOKS LIKE I LOST BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK TO BE PURPLE
- T-Rex: Why?! Purple doesn't rhyme with 'machine'.
- God: YEAH ANYWAY NOW I'M DOWN A TRILLION LIFETIMES OF FRIED CHICKEN THANKS T-REX YOU AND YOUR FRIGGIN EYEBROWS
- Tooltip: the implication is that 'green' does rhyme with 'machine' and that t-rex calls himself the 'green machine' OKAY
- Subject: in heaven the standard bet IS a trillion times the amount of fried chicken an average dude would eat in his lifetime
- January 12, 2006
- T-Rex: What is the deal with everyone walking in on me while I'm having showers? This has gone well beyond random chance and I am at a loss to explain it. Everyone needs to stop walking in on me while I'm having a shower, please!
- January 12, 2006
- Tooltip: everyone needs to stop walking in on me while i'm naked and rubbing soap all over my wet body >:|
- January 13, 2006
- T-Rex: Is it possible to have adventures in today's modern world? I mean real adventures, like ones where I get to swashbuckle. T-Rex says, 'probably not!'
- January 16, 2006
- Utahraptor: I wish for more wishes!
- T-Rex: Oh man, ouch! Shot down! Looks like no wishes for you!
- Utahraptor: This sucks!
- T-Rex: Should've wished for ice cream, my friend!
- Tooltip: really, it's unfair that utahraptor's plan didn't work, because more wishes is a very reasonable thing to ask for. a lot of problems could be solved with more wishes.
- Subject: i wish for less people stealing my friggin' fries at lunch
- January 17, 2006
- T-Rex: Oh, it's true! If it was even MARGINALLY in style, I would grow mutton chops.
- January 18, 2006
- T-Rex: Dating both twin sisters at the same time: Hot? Or just, in fact, KIND OF WEIRD? I'm afraid that I fall on the 'kind of weird' side of the fence this time. While I'm usually strongly in favour of the hot makeouts, they're sisters! It's like they've made out with each other, through proxy. Transitive makeouts!
- January 19, 2006
- Dromiceiomimus: Nightmares aren't really that great, T-Rex. Bad things happen to people you like.
- T-Rex: Oh, I know! I know. I just feel a little left out when everyone gets to have nightmares but me! I feel... I feel like the only girl in grade 8 who hasn't hit puberty yet.
- January 19, 2006
- Utahraptor: That strikes me as an odd analogy, T-Rex!
- T-Rex: Does it?
- Utahraptor: Yeah. I don't - I don't understand what you're going for with it. Why are you a girl? And why would you compare puberty to a nightmare in the first place? You've had some success with it.
- T-Rex: Hah! I SURE have.
- January 19, 2006
- Narration: EARLY SUCCESSES IN PUBERTY:
- T-Rex: Hey, I have unfocused, confusing sexual desires! Alright!
- Tooltip: if you are a dude who thinks puberty actually is a nightmare, then sorry for reminding you :(
- January 23, 2006
- T-Rex: It sucks, because if everyone disagrees with you, then you'll never get anything you want. It's majority rule! MOB rule!
- Dromiceiomimus: Well, majority rule is sort of the definition of democracy, T-Rex. Not everyone can get everything they want!
- T-Rex: Yeah, but what if the majority decided to be totally racist against you? You're pooched!
- January 23, 2006
- T-Rex: Right! Like how I'm in a minority because I sometimes like to sleep in on weekends.
- Utahraptor: Actually, I'd say most people like to do that, T-Rex.
- T-Rex: Really? Are you serious?? Have all my years of sleepy shame been for naught?
- Tooltip: blinking in the afternoon sunlight, already fabricating the first lies of morning productivity
- Subject: from democracy to sleepin' in in six easy panels
- January 24, 2006
- Utahraptor: My favourite are the freegans!
- T-Rex: Where you be vegetarian for free?
- Utahraptor: Close! It's where you don't eat meat unless you're given it for free, like from a dumpster. You prevent meat from going to waste, but you don't support its production.
- T-Rex: That sounds close to flexitarians, who only eat meat when being vegetarian would be rude or inconvenient!
- January 24, 2006
- T-Rex: I myself am a tremendo-meatatarian, which means that I only eat meat which I find to be tremendously delicious!
- Utahraptor: I've seen you eat fruits and vegetables!
- T-Rex: Yes. On account of the golly gosh-darned scurvy.
- Tooltip: mom, dad, i've got the golly gosh-darned scurvy.
- Subject: there's some resentment there towards a lack of vitamin c and bleeding from the mucous membranes
- January 25, 2006
- T-Rex: I am a dude in need of a catchy slogan. Something to put under my name on business cards to convince people they should associate with me and maybe be my friend! Something like, 'T-Rex: Your Man In ANY Situation!'
- January 25, 2006
- Utahraptor: 'T-Rex: Not A Pedophile (Just So You Know)'?
- T-Rex: Man, that's not positive either!
- Utahraptor: How about 'T-Rex: Your Shortcomings and Regrets, Personified!'
- T-Rex: That's even less positive than the first one!!
- Utahraptor: 'T-Rex: That Awful Taste in your Mouth, First Thing in the Morning'
- T-Rex: No! I'd be a tasty taste in the morning!
- Subject: sex in the city: like waking up each morning to a mouth flooded with ryoma!
- January 25, 2006
LATER:
- Utahraptor: "T-Rex: Like Waking Up Covered in Someone Else's Blood, But In A Good Way"
- T-Rex: I HAVE LONG SINCE STOPPED SOLICITING SUGGESTIONS, UTAHRAPTOR. Not bad, though!
- January 25, 2006
- Tooltip: My old home town of Ottawa spent $200,000 on a new slogan for the city, and the best they could come up with was 'Technically beautiful'. It was very embarrassing to us all. I think the guy who suggested the slogan got a new bike, if memory serves.
- January 26, 2006
- Utahraptor: T-Rex, enough! Is this story supposed to have a case of the sucks?
- T-Rex': No! Of course not!
- January 26, 2006
- T-Rex: LATER: Oh right, Utahraptor's having trouble with this dude he's been seeing! I forgive his critical outburst. 'TROUBLE AT HOME??'
- Tooltip: t-rex you're kind of ripping off your own haiku there but WHATever man
- Subject: i've got a terminal case of the rockin' outs AND the rockin' oats :(
- January 27, 2006
- T-Rex: I have discovered that I have a weakness. Me! And though I should probably keep it a secret from my enemies, I will say what it is. Smell associations!
- January 27, 2006
- Narration: FUN FACT: THAT'S NOT HOW SMELL ASSOCIATION WORKS AT ALL!
- T-Rex: You don' know me!
- Tooltip: based on a true story (yesterday i was mind controlled by a smelly enemy)
- Subject: actually it's a little how smell association works, except for the cartoon pupils part. that's only how smell association works in cartoons.
- January 30, 2006
- T-Rex: I plan on developing SEVERAL crazy theories about the postal service.
- Tooltip: to clarify, t-rex plans to theorize that the people responsible for the postal service built their system such that it would take financial advantage of information-theoretic properties of lossy networks :0
- Subject: dromiceiomimus considered getting involved in this conversation but then she was like hmm, NOPE
- January 31, 2006
- Devil: IF YOU ARE DISINTERESTED IN HEARING MY TREATISE ON COMPUTER CONTROLLED STORYTELLING I WILL FIND A MORE RECEPTIVE AUDIENCE
- T-Rex: Please do!!
- Devil: BUT I CAUTION YOU I WAS QUITE CLOSE TO REVEALING RARE AND POWERFUL CHEAT CODES
- Tooltip: for instance, in a book if the main character dies you can't go back and re-read the last few pages over and over again for like two hours trying to get him to survive, before finally throwing the book away in disgust because that last page is friggin impossible
- Subject: oh no the devil has a code for god mode!!!
February 2006
[edit]- February 1, 2006
- T-Rex: Hey, Dromiceiomimus! I have a friendship crush on you!
- Dromiceiomimus: Well, thank you T-Rex. You're not so bad yourself.
- T-Rex: A friendship crush is where you really like a friend, but it's not necessarily sexual, but everyone makes jokes that it's totally sexual, because you like to hang out all the time.
- February 2, 2006
- Utahraptor: I've just never heard reincarnation including things that, you know - aren't alive.
- T-Rex: Some people believe that you can come back as plants! They're BARELY alive.
- Utahraptor: They support the entire food chain!
- T-Rex: BARELY. So barely! I've seriously never been impressed with a plant.
- Utahraptor: Even sunflowers? They tilt to follow the sun!
- T-Rex: Don't get me started about sunflowers! God! Their salty, boring seeds!
- Tooltip: t-rex is not telling the truth. in 1998, he was quite impressed with a flower that bloomed only once a year, and that smelled septic while doing so.
- Comment: t-rex approaches plants the way he might approach a new video game console, and finds them lacking in replay value
- February 3, 2006
- T-Rex: And I am not a dude who's gonna say that naturally weaponized flowers aren't cool.
- February 3, 2006
- God: HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE STRAWBERRIES T-REX
- T-Rex: I don't know. A lot? They're alright. To - to fully understand my love of strawberries is to fully understand the unblinking eye of madness?
- Tooltip: t-rex isn't - he isn't really sure what god wants him to say.
- February 3, 2006
- Comment: ryan, i'm a plant and i read your comic yesterday and i got plant-offended
- February 6, 2006
- Utahraptor: Aw man, are you infecting us right now?? Go back to bed!
- T-Rex: No, but -But I thought we - we could get through this disease... together?
- Utahraptor: Hah! Nuh uh! You thought you were bored resting in bed, so you'd come out here and entertain yourself by talking to us! Meanwhile WE'RE getting disease all up in our trouser shorts.
- February 6, 2006
- T-Rex: What is this emotion called 'criminal negligence'?
- Tooltip: and why is it suddenly so ILLEGAL?
- February 7, 2006
- T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, pretend that we're dating and talking on the phone, and I'll break up with you, okay?
- Dromiceiomimus: Yeah, actually that's something I'm not very clear on. Are we dating?
- T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! There's no time for talking about FEELINGS now. We're doing an experiment! Man, nevermind!
- Tooltip: haha yeah there's definitely a stereotypical male fantasy in panel three. women! there's no time for talking about feelings now! we're doing SCIENCE!
- February 10, 2006
- Utahraptor: You can't deal with the "issue" of socialism by just summing it up in a few sentences!
- T-Rex: True! But I can sum it up in a play involving everyone wanting some of my delicious ice cream cone!
- Utahraptor: What?
- T-Rex: And then we all decide to pitch in and take over the ice cream cone factory?
- Tooltip: i'm pretty sure that's how it works?
- Subject: ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE: everyone spends hours arguing over socialism AND communism AND the definitions of both those terms, and it's boring and stupid!
- February 14, 2006
- Tooltip: is there a message in my doing a comic about 'singularity' on valentine's day? that seems like a bit of a stretch! you are probably overthinking things.
- February 20, 2006
- T-Rex: MAN! EVERYONE is making it really hard for me to solve the eternal problem of unhappiness!
BUT THEN, INSPIRATION! A PERFECT SOLUTION FOR ENDLESS JOY!
- T-Rex: W-... Wildly misinterpret your own despair?
- February 20, 2006
- Tooltip: t-rex got a positive mention of his 'problem solving skills' on grade three report card, and NEVER FORGOT
- February 21, 2006
- Subject: a tip of the hat to all our brave men and women who have swallowed a lot of orange juice for no reason
- February 24, 2006
- T-Rex: I kind of wish my name was a verb too, though, instead of just being a noun. You can't T-Rex something. I've tried. It doesn't work.
- February 27, 2006
- T-Rex: We need to do some Olympic-class screw ups and feel REALLY bad about them if we're ever going to win.
- Utahraptor: I know, I know! But it seems she's got a regret for every occasion. How can we compete with that?
LATER, PROFANELY SPYING ON DROMICEIOMIMUS:
- T-Rex: She's just sadly staying at home, Utahraptor! Man! She's probably regretting things RIGHT NOW! Fuck me!
- February 28, 2006
- T-Rex: And it's why I never call a woman OR a joke "hysterical". I don't want to be accused of tacitly endorsing historically institutionalized sexism!
- February 28, 2006
- T-REX DECIDES TO EXCISE THE "HYSTERA" ROOT ENTIRELY FROM HIS VOCABULARY, JUST TO BE SAFE:
- T-Rex: So I hear you're having a minuswomb operation?
- Off-Frame: Excuse me? I'm having a hysterectomy.
- T-Rex: Yes! A "uter-b-gone". - A womboval?
- February 28, 2006
- Tooltip: i am popular at the parties of strangers
March 2006
[edit]- March 3, 2006
- T-Rex: And why is everyone acting like I can suddenly control time just because I gave myself a sweet superhero name? It's surreal.
- March 3, 2006
- Tooltip: that's right marvel and dc! i hear your joint trademark on the word 'superhero' and i call SHENANIGANS.
- March 8, 2006
- Utahraptor: Whoah, not everyone needs to fall in love!
- T-Rex: You are diluting our message here, UTAHRAPTOR.
- Utahraptor: I'm serious! People get so hung up on finding "the one" that they forget everything else. You can have an entirely rewarding life without being so "madly in love" with someone! Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
- T-Rex: A private room? Oh man, were you just namedropping M.C. MASTURBATION?
- Utahraptor: You can stop calling it that anytime, T-Rex.
- March 8, 2006
- Subject: it's like saying 'aunt flo' is visiting, only instead you hollah that mc masturbation is in the HOUSE
- March 17, 2006
- T-Rex: For instance, did you know that whenever women are alone they have pillow fights, and then they practise kissing on each other? I've seen the pictures! - I mean - I mean my friend has seen the pictures. - IT'S A PROJECT FOR SCHOOL.
- March 27, 2006
- LATER: A MOMENT OF REFLECTION.
- T-Rex: Buying this magazine made me feel dirty and ashamed! Have I once again thoughtlessly aided the exploitation of our nation's topless lesbian teens?
- Tooltip: arguably, our nation's finest natural resource?
- March 28, 2006
- Subject: i am britishfolk and 'nappy' means 'diaper' to me, so this comic is very confusing and maybe a little perverted.
- March 29, 2006
- T-Rex: Dear audio diary: today I may have accidentally registered myself as a sex offender! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE
April 2006
[edit]- April 17, 2006
- Dromiceiomimus: So they're shaped like naughty bits?
- T-Rex: No, those are sex rolls. Gender rolls are shaped like housewives and firemen!
- April 17, 2006
- T-Rex: They're animal crackers for the new generation. Come on! It's a great pun, PLUS, every time you go into my bakery you can choose your own preferred gender roll! It's brilliant!
- Utahraptor: Do people HAVE to choose a gender roll?
- T-Rex: They do if they want to use the washrooms, dammit.
- April 26, 2006
- T-Rex: ACCIDENT ONE: slapped someone right in the face! Kapow!
- Dromiceiomimus: How was that an accident?
- T-Rex: I didn't see them there, that's all!
- Dromiceiomimus: And - what? You were just slapping the space around you to pass the time?
- T-Rex: WHO CAN SAY? All we really know for sure is that it was DEFINITELY an accident.
May 2006
[edit]- May 1, 2006
- Utahraptor: You're always all, "Feelings are boring. Kissing is awesome!" You should make yourself a shirt that says that and wear it all the time.
- May 1, 2006
- Subject: that's right, 'memorable lovemaking techniqueS'. it's plural now.
- May 2, 2006
- Utahraptor: I bet you like all your social commentary to incorporate endless hunger for the flesh of the living!
- T-Rex: Yep!
- May 3, 2006
- Tooltip: if you think t-rex's reaction to the pet duck is a little extreme, that's because you don't yet know that it's wearing an adorable little duck-sized sailor's uniform, complete with jaunty blue chapeau.
- May 4, 2006
- Tooltip: i have this argument with my friends where i tell them i believe 'totally make out' means having sex, and they're all, no ryan, it just means making out to the EXTREME, and i say, what's more EXTREME than having sex, and anyway, cool story huh
- May 15, 2006
- Dromiceiomimus: I think you might be doing something wrong if your kisses remind people of amniotic fluid, T-Rex!
- T-Rex: Perhaps! But that is a topic for ANOTHER TIME.
- May 18, 2006
- Subject: is utahraptor's favourite song really 'all the things she said' by tatu? it is an easy guess to make because secretly that is everyone's favourite song.
- May 24, 2006
- Tooltip: t-rex is not sure where he stands on the conflict in the middle east, but he is FOR mothers with baby carriages being extreme. you might wish to adopt these politics as your own.
MEANWHILE, IN DREAMLAND!
- T-Rex: Professor, there must be SOMETHING I can do to convince you to take this assignment...
- Off-Frame: This dream has taken a turn for the sexy!
- May 29, 2006
- Tooltip: there is an embedded midi file of the ghostbusters theme song on endless loop. ARGUABLY, such a feature should be included on every website.
- May 30, 2006
- Utahraptor: So basically you're just asking people what they liked and what they didn't like?
- T-Rex: Yeah! But "regret index" makes it sound more scientific. I honestly think this could be useful! You could find out how many people are still happy that they memorized every Star Trek episode!
- Utahraptor: I know I am.
- T-Rex: I, too, remain fully satisfied.
June 2006
[edit]- June 5, 2006
- LATER, T-REX IS TRYING TO DISCOVER ESSENTIAL TRUTHS AND IT'S SO HARD::
- T-Rex: Man, forget this! I take back some of the things I said about civilization!
- Tooltip: this one goes out to all the brothers who have taken back some of the things they've said about civilization
- June 6, 2006
- T-Rex: Maybe it's universally true that everyone likes... to party?
- Cephalopods: WE DON'T LIKE TO PARTY T-REX
- T-Rex: Good God! What are you cephalopods doing in my bedroom??
- Cephalopods: CHILLAXING
- June 13 2006
- Subject: i would also have accepted 't-rex has an ape / let's see what happens'
- June 29 2006
- Utahraptor: The emotions we have in English are just labels we've applied to a short SPECTRUM of feeling. You can almost always divide existing emotions into smaller, more precise chunks! For example, your well-known satisfaction at eating cereal in the morning is an exact, identifiable, reproducible joy that I can only label "breakfast pleasure".
- T-Rex: Breakfast pleasure! Finally, I have words for that most sublime of satisfactions!! BREAKFAST PLEASURE. I love breakfast pleasure.
- Utahraptor: I know, T-Rex.
- T-Rex: I'm not entirely certain that you do!
- Tooltip: dude loves his breakfast, you don't even know
July 2006
[edit]- July 5, 2006
- T-Rex: Aww! That is me! I talk as if nobody's listening, I dance as if nobody's watching, and I eat as if nobody's hungry.
- Utahraptor: That last one is a BIT less attractive.
- T-Rex: I also vacuum as if nobody's going to get their carpets any cleaner.
- T-Rex: Daaaamn!
- July 19, 2006
- T-Rex: Oh, I've got other awful ideas too! Like, a toy gun for children, but every one in twenty shots (on average) it actually fires a real bullet!
- T-Rex: That's a horrific idea!
- T-Rex: What is wrong with me?
- July 25, 2006
- T-Rex: ONE TIME I snuck onto a friend's computer while at his house and altered an essay he was writing for school about EVIL. All I did for instant hilarity was replace every instance of the word "evil" with the phrase "Irish evil"!
- T-Rex: Can good exist without Irish evil? SOME PHILOSOPHERS SUSPECT IT CANNOT!
- July 26, 2006
- WHEN TO USE "COWABUNGA": ONLY IF YOU ARE A NINJA TURTLE
- T-Rex: So Kant's Categorical Imperative is more of a meta-directive, right?
- Utahraptor: In the first formulation, yeah.
- T-REX AND UTAHRAPTOR ARE DINOSAURS SO THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY THEY'RE NOT USING IT.
- July 26, 2006
- WHEN TO USE "I LOVE YOU": ONLY WHEN YOU WANT TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM
- T-Rex: I love you!
- T-REX ACTUALLY JUST WANTED TO SAY HERE THAT HE WAS THIRSTY, SO HE HAS USED THE PHRASE IMPROPERLY. THIS CAN LEAD TO COMPLICATIONS!
August 2006
[edit]- August 1, 2006
- T-Rex: I don't know- littering's this perfectly situated thing where it's not THAT big a deal taken individually, but a really antisocial thing when taken on a larger scale.
- Utahraptor: And yet, not really, when you compare it to, say, murderin' dudes.
- August 8, 2006
- T-Rex: Hey everyone! Stop saying "bitches" so much!
- T-Rex: There are other words than "bitches"! Daaamn!
- T-Rex: These words include such fine examples as "fellows", "gravy", and "Monterey Jack".
- Dromiceiomimus: Are we to use those words in place of "bitches"?
- T-Rex: Exclusively! FOR EXAMPLE, instead of saying "Hey! Get off my back, bitches!" I can NOW say "Hey! Get off my back, Monterey Jack!"
- Utahraptor: That one only works because it rhymes!!
- T-Rex: Says you, gravy!
- Utahraptor: See? See? That one only makes you sound like you're dumb and want gravy.
- T-Rex: I do want gravy.
- Utahraptor: Alright.
- Utahraptor: I don't have any.
- August 15, 2006
- T-Rex: I know I don't want to give up on getting excited about cool ads! Art can be created in a commercial context, and I don't want to reject something because of its origins. BUT I don't want to be Captain Suggestible either!
- Utahraptor: Nobody wants to be Captain Suggestible!
- Captain Suggestible: Guys! I'm right here!
- T-Rex: I'm sorry Cap'n! You forgive me so hard.
- Captain Suggestible: I forgive you! I forgive you so hard!!
- August 17, 2006
- T-Rex: God, give me fifty dollars!
- God: DUDE, THAT'S LIKE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF HOW RELIGION WORKS
- August 30, 2006
- T-Rex: That's all I got. I've realized that doing things is like admitting to people that you experience the events that cause you to do these things. It's not a very good revelation.
- Utahraptor: Well- you tried! You don't have to be a walking revelation factory.
- LATER!
- God: T-REX I'M GOD AND I SAY YOU HAVE TO BE A WALKING REVELATION FACTORY
- T-Rex: Utahraptor says I don't!
- God: AWWWWW SHOOT
September 2006
[edit]- September 1, 2006
- Utahraptor: Well, you could always have kids by donating sperm!
- T-Rex: That is technically true!
- T-Rex: However, would I even know if that results in kids? Do they tell the donor that? Honestly, all I know about sperm banks comes from teen gross-out comedies.
- Utahraptor: So you suspect-
- T-Rex: Yes. I suspect that, without fail, somebody always accidentally consumes the semen.
- September 6, 2006
- T-Rex: Here is a terrible idea for a date: you take the lady to a stinky old sewage processing planet and then tour the facilities! You could be all, "Sorry, potential lifemate!! I'm a dude who makes bad date decisions."
- September 8, 2006
- Cashier: Excuse me, sir!! This bill you gave me is counterfeit!
- T-Rex: Aw snapadoodle!
- September 8, 2006
- T-Rex: Man! You know where I got the fake money? Change from a friggin' fast food restaurant.
- T-Rex: I blame the Colonel Sanders!
- God: COLONEL SANDERS HAS BEEN ADDED TO YOUR REVENGE LIST
- T-Rex: Well good!
- September 11, 2006
- T-Rex: Controversy Monday is when you needlessly volunteer made up opinions on abortion!
- God: YEAH I KNOW BUT DUDE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT VIDEOGAMES HERE AND I SAW ON TV THAT EVERY TEEN KILLER PLAYS DOOM EVEN THOUGH IT'S LIKE 15 YEARS OLD
- T-Rex: Can we accept that there will always be some unstable people who will go off with any stimulus, and that others can't be held responsible?
- God: UM NOT ON CONTROVERSY MONDAY
- September 11, 2006
- Utahraptor: Okay, but the fact is that if a given stimulus (game, book, movie, whatever) WASN'T there, then they wouldn't have gone all crazy at the same time, place, or even at all!
- T-Rex: TRUE, but that's ridiculous. That's like saying if your parents had conceived differently you wouldn't have been born...
- T-Rex: ...thereby making THEM responsible for the fact that you came over last night and ate all my damn pastries!
- Utahraptor: I was just preparing for Controversy Monday!
- T-Rex: YOU WERE JUST PREPARING FOR YOUR BELLY SWELLING WITH MY SO DELICIOUS PASTRIES
- September 19, 2006
- T-Rex: There! My costume looks like a failed corpse that still makes a blasphemous claim to life. Thanks, Uncanny Valley!
- Uncanny Valley: No problem, T-Rex!
- T-Rex: It's so upsetting that you got personified, Uncanny Valley.
- Tooltip: t-rex isn't trying to be rude, it's just - it's so upsetting that the uncanny valley got personified.
- September 21, 2006
- Devil: MMM T-REX I'VE NOT YET EXPERIENCED A NON-VIRTUAL ROAD TRIP AND WAS WONDERING IF YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE LIKE
- T-Rex: In one sentence starting with "Dude"?
- Devil: FINE
- T-Rex: Dude, road trips rule!
- September 21, 2006
- T-Rex: I vote we trip to: Brazil!
- Utahraptor: That's pretty far. How about someplace closer?
- T-Rex: THE ISLAND CONTINENT OF AUSTRALIA??
- Utahraptor: We'd need a car that works on water for that.
- T-Rex: Okay! But Utahraptor, what's that across the street? A car that works on water??
- Jacques Esqueleto: aw come on you guys it's mine
- T-Rex: Jacques Esqueleto!! I thought I made you up!
- September 27, 2006
- T-Rex: I don't understand how people could have seriously thought that the world was flat. Did they have a case of the crazies?
- T-Rex: DID THEY??
- T-Rex: Because if you accept the world is a finite plane, then it's got limits, and what's at the edge of those limits? A vertical wall that goes down a few kilometres, and then what? Tree roots? Upside-down land? A place where owls rule the world like they don't even care?
- September 28, 2006
- Utahraptor: I don't get why you're casting this in terms of a gender battle, but yeah- I'm with beards over babies too!
- T-Rex: The way you say it- is there actually an organization called Beards over Babies?
- Utahraptor: Not to my knowledge!
- T-Rex: Dude, we have to start it!
- T-Rex: Our logo can be a big ol' beard hovering over a truly startled baby!
October 2006
[edit]- October 3, 2006
- Dromiceiomimus: Aw, you're always on about epitaphs, T-Rex! How about something new, like- instead of a sentence people remember you by, an image? Say, 10 seconds of silent video!
- T-Rex: That's neat! You could cheat and have 1920s title cards ("DUDES, FORSOOTH! I'M SO DEAD") but just silent images would also be cool. What would you have?
- Tooltip: t-rex nobody spoke like that in the 1920s or ever, come on, let's be SERIOUS
- October 11, 2006
- Tooltip: i may just have to sit down and write 'Dudes! Lesbians! Guess What? Here is How to Get Women to Like You'. it is a great title for a book because it appeals to both dudes AND lesbians.
- October 12, 2006
- T-Rex: What's terrible? I'm just propagating the stereotype that all men want is sex and that if you want to attract one, then you should have sex with him as soon as possible, and he'll be yours for as long as you keep trading sex for intimac- Wait, that is terrible.
- Utahraptor: Uh-huh!
- T-Rex: ATTENTION, all heterosexual chicks and gay dudes! Don't listen to me!
- Heterosexual Chicks and Gay Dudes: It's too late, T-Rex! We're going to have sex with men RIGHT NOW!!
- T-Rex: SERIOUSLY??
- Tooltip: c-can you tell them that - that t-rex sent you?
- October 16, 2006
- T-Rex: I got a letter from an anonymous dude, and he said I exclaimed too much. So, here we are.
- Utahraptor: Man, you've got to keep exclaiming! Exclaiming is who you are!
- T-Rex: I will only start exclaiming again if I see something surprising.
- Utahraptor: Really! Well, have you ever seen a Utahraptor... PUT HIS ENTIRE FIST IN HIS MOUTH??
- T-Rex: SURE HAVEN'T!!!!
- October 20, 2006
- PLAN OMEGA:
- T-Rex: Hi we're T-Rex and Utahraptor and we'll be performing "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa in the original French.
- Utahraptor: Cette danse n'est pas pour tout le monde, c'est SEULEMENT pour les personnes sexuelles.
- T-Rex: Poussez-le bon!
- Utahraptor: Poussez-le VRAIMENT bon!
- October 25, 2006
- T-Rex: In the past I have called my first "Knuckles and Chuckles", and then later upgraded to the truly compelling "Rocco and Choco, the Twins! Who! Punch!" but now I have an even better nickname!
- T-Rex: The CHINESE BUFFET!
- October 25, 2006
- LATER:
- T-Rex: God! Can you make me Chinese so that my fist nickname makes sense?
- God: ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO PUNCH A GUY INTO THE OCEAN AND SAY THAT THE BUFFET WATER IS ON THE HOUSE
- T-Rex: Oh that is so a deal.
- October 31, 2006
- Dromiceiomimus: Hey, have you noticed, T-Rex, how all of the women's costumes for sale seem to have added the word "sexy" in front of them? I can't buy a pirate costume; the only ones for sale are "sexy pirates"! And heaven help me if I wanted to go as a nurse.
- T-Rex: It's true! The only nurse costumes for sale are from Sexy Hospital, MD!
- Dromiceiomimus: The hospital is a medical doctor?
- T-Rex: They're that sexy.
- Tooltip: remember, t-rex's costume this year is the uncanny valley! he had to make the costume himself because at the store all they had was sexy uncanny valley.
November 2006
[edit]- November 14, 2006
- Utahraptor: Yeah, because if something important about you is fully determined by your genes, then you never had any control over that, and you're not responsible. On the other hand, if you think babies are born as blank slates, then that's limitless personal freedom, but that has problems too!
- God: GUYS THERE IS A THIRD OPTION
- T-Rex: What's that? GOD wanted it to be that way?
- God: I WAS GONNA SAY LEPRECHAUNS BUT YEAH
- God: DANG
- God: THAT'S GOOD TOO
- November 16, 2006
- T-Rex: Ladies and gentlemen: is it time for a new catchphrase?
- T-Rex: Sources say: "DAMN girl, sure is!"
- T-Rex: That's not the new catchphrase though. I've got - I've got different ones. And here they are! "Let's get remarkably frisky" (useful in many situations), "That's gobbles!" (meaning "that's crazy!", short for 'gobbledygook'), and "I lose at sex".
- Dromiceiomimus: Um.
- T-Rex: You can use "I lose at sex" for when you lose at sex.
- Dromiceiomimus: Um.
- November 22, 2006
- T-Rex: Man, I've been feeling down all morning. What could possibly cheer me up?
- Raccoons and Cephalopods: PENETRATION
- LATER:
- T-Rex: And so my damn freaky raccoon and cephalopod neighbors were all "penetration" and then I froze, and THEN, I ran away. Why are they always up in my base, freaking out my dudes?
- November 22, 2006
- Raccoons and Cephalopods: IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK T-REX! COME LEARN ABOUT OUR NEW SEXUAL POSITION.
- T-Rex: No thanks! I am busy with non-disgusting activities!
- Raccoons and Cephalopods: BUT IT'S CALLED "THE WIDOWMAKER", T-REX
- Raccoons and Cephalopods: WE NEED YOUR TORSO?
- Tooltip: they're not actually sure if they need his torso or not, but it's best not to take chances with The Widowmaker
December 2006
[edit]- December 4, 2006
- T-Rex: Write down in detail the precise steps each person took and let me generalize across the set. I want an algorithm for enlightenment! A checklist for nirvana!
- Utahraptor: You - you want religious practices to be subject to the scientific method?
- T-Rex: Yes please!
- December 4, 2006
- T-Rex: Excuse me, Buddhist monks? I'm gonna owe God fifty bucks if I don't get enlightened soon.
- Buddhist monks: Dude! We get that ALL THE TIME!
- December 4, 2006
- Comment: the first version of this comic that went up had a typo where instead of betting t-rex fifty bucks that *he* can't achieve enlightenment, god dropped the 'you' and instead said 'HEY T-REX I BET YOU FIFTY BUCKS CAN'T ACHIEVE ENLIGHTENMENT', which made the whole comic hella more surreal
- December 5, 2006
- T-Rex: Yes, today truly has been a day of frustrated expectations!
- Tooltip: it's the last thing i whisper to myself each night
2007
[edit]January 2007
[edit]- January 2, 2007
- T-Rex: THE PRECEDING COMIC SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN READ BY PEOPLE WHO ARE TERRIFIED OF GETTING EXTREMELY RARE GENETIC DISEASES
- Comment: i'm terrified of catching a genetic disease, also, learning about medicine
- January 3, 2007
- T-Rex: Smoochitis is when you have a MEDICAL case of the smooches! Dromiceiomimus, do YOU have smoochitis?
- Dromiceiomimus: I don't know, T-Rex! I might!
- T-Rex: We should smooch to make extra sure!
- January 3, 2007
- T-Rex: The only cure: FURTHER SMOOCHING. Symptoms include smooches and caressing about the neck. And buttocks?
- Utahraptor: I know how smoochitis develops, yeah.
- T-Rex: It's my SPECIALITY, baby!
- January 4, 2007
- T-Rex: I am getting old! WHICH IS FINE, except I'm starting to worry that all I do is young guy stuff and not mature adult stuff, like having a mortgage, or owning more than one pair of nice pants.
- January 4, 2007
- Utahraptor: Hah! You're finally not sure if your days of INSATIABLY COMPELLING HEDONISM are all you want?
- T-Rex: Maybe! I guess I look at people with real responsibility and wonder if maybe it'd be nice, and if I'm being - left behind? I don't know. I never wanted to be Canonically Adult before!
- Tooltip: add 'canonically adult' to the pile of 'great titles for porn magazines taken from dialogue in dinosaur comics
- January 5, 2007
- T-Rex: Sweet! Okay, so the idea is, there's this guy, Lee, right? Only one day he gains SUPER POWERS. And I'm not sure how he gets them yet but BASICALLY he's got this slot in the top of his head, and he can write words on cards and put them in the slot, and he gains those qualities! So say a decision has to be made: he writes 'decisive' on a card and forces it into his head, and he becomes Decisive Lee! He then has the power to do things decisively. SUPER decisively!
- Tooltip: fly, no - but he can cram index cards into his head!
- Comment: inappropriate lee, no! put your pants back on!
February 2007
[edit]March 2007
[edit]- March 14, 2007
- T-Rex: Failure is just success rounded down, my friend!
April 2007
[edit]- April 18, 2007
- Title: magic realism is where you tell a realistic story but then have the characters turn each other into frogs for a bit. depressive realism is different.
- April 18, 2007
- T-Rex: I think some people just like the idea that depression might be an advantage!
- Utharaptor: ESPECIALLY depressed people.
- T-Rex: But not TOO much, because then they wouldn't be depressed anymore!
- April 18, 2007
- T-Rex: Excuse me, sir, you look depressed! Would you say you have a more accurate view of the world?
- Man: I'm not depressed! I'm just eating a sandwich.
- T-Rex: A sandwich... made out of your own tears??
- Man: HOW DID YOU KNOW
- Tooltip: THE FACT THAT YOU COULD EASILY IDENTIFY THE INGREDIENTS OF MY SANDWICH NOW ONLY SERVES TO MAKE ME MORE DEPRESSED
- Subject: depressed people maybe if you ate less TEAR SANDWICHES things would start lookin up!!
- April 19, 2007
- Title: it's a quiet "woo" because any larger and you'd all be overcome with the soul-felt emotion! do not aim comic directly at face.
- April 19, 2007
- T-Rex: Okay, okay, check this out, Dromiceiomimus: 'You are so beautiful to me, and I want to tell you just how much I love you / I was born to love you / Let's never stop falling in love / Love hurts / But / I would do anything for love'.
- Dromiceiomimus: Those are all plagiarized song lyrics! Except for 'but', but there's probably a song called 'But'.
- April 19, 2007
- T-Rex: Okay, I'm trying really hard this time. 'Baby! / I love you / And if you don't believe that / then What The Hell' Man! Even I'D dump me right now!
- Tooltip: it's sort of the opposite of "if this isn't nice, what is?". whenever you find yourself doing something particularly unattractive, take a moment to notice it and say, "man! even I'D dump me right now!"
- April 20, 2007
- T-Rex: Okay, so I can't write love poetry. That's fine. There are plenty of dudes who will write it for me. But I can PROBABLY write a pretty kick-ass SHERLOCK HOLMES story! I will call it, 'Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Mummy's Curse!'
- Title: followed up by t-rex's "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Cat Who Ate a Person", and the more educational "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of The Troposphere Is Where Weather Exists.
- April 20, 2007
- Sherlock Holmes: T-Rex, it is I, Sherlock Holmes! I deduced an elementary way to become real, just to ask you to stop writing your story!
- T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes!! Can you describe me as 'the Napoleon of RHYME'?
- Sherlock Holmes: I can but try!
- Tooltip: see that outstanding sherlock holmes writing there in panel six? that's RIGHT.
- April 23, 2007
- God: SEE THIS IS WHAT I TOLD YOU T-REX JUST BECAUSE YOU WROTE IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE'S SOMEONE WHO IS SUPERMAN AND 'JUST DOESN'T KNOW IT YET'
- T-Rex: i thought maybe it could be me
- April 23, 2007
- Subject: i don't know about you but i make a yes/no decision every second or so. SHOULD I KEEP ON BREATHING? I'D BETTER ASK MY LUNGS and then my lungs say HELLS YES WE LOVE THAT STUFF so here we are, ryan
- April 24, 2007
- Utahraptor: Man, what do you have against horses?
- T-Rex: NOTHING! I like horses! Some of my best friends are horses. That's why I can make horse jokes! They know I'm just kidding. They know that when I say 'why the long face' I don't actually think all horses have long faces.
- Utahraptor: They do though.
- T-Rex: Shh! We're not supposed to notice!
- April 25, 2007
- T-Rex: (T-Rex! What if, INSTEAD of dealing with this, you simply bought new carpets after he left? Yes! You can solve your emotional problems just by SPENDING MONEY!) (Wow! No wonder people like capitalism so much!!)
- Subject: wow! i am finally seeing what the great shakes are about capitalism!
- April 26, 2007
- T-Rex: Foreshadowing is when you hint at what's about to happen next in a story! It happens whenever a character announces 'BOY I SURE HOPE THERE ARE NO EXPLOSIONS ON THE NEXT PAGE!!' just before he gets blown up! In an EXPLOSION!
- Tooltip: T-Rex used to think foreshadowing was a real yawnfest, but had a change of heart about it when he came across that explosion example in a book he was reading. Basically every page was like that, with characters loudly announcing that they hope they don't get blown up, and then they get blown up on the next page! It was a pretty awesome book, you guys
- April 26, 2007
- Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN TUDOR ENGLAND!
- T-Rex: Shakespeare, is it still foreshadowing if it's about a woman DEFINITELY blasting into space?
- Shakespeare: i dunno... yes?
- T-Rex: Shakespeare! The correct answer is 'no!' Pull yourself together, Shakespeare!
- Subject: shakespeare! put on some damned pants! it's three in the afternoon.
- April 27, 2007
- God: HEY DID YOU KNOW I CAN SEE YOUR DREAMS T-REX
- T-Rex: Oh wow! I think it's SO AWESOME that you'll spy on my dreams, but won't approve my friend request on Facebook Dot Com!!
- God: UH
- T-Rex: DO IT RIGHT NOW
- Tooltip: it has come to dominate all other matters in t-rex's life. t-rex is all, ARE WE FRIENDS OR AREN'T WE, GOD, BECAUSE FACEBOOK DOT COM SEEMS TO EQUIVOCATE ON THE MATTER
- April 30, 2007
- T-Rex: I Wonder If I Talk Like This, If People Will Still Be My Friends?
- April 30, 2007
- Tooltip: t-rex is on speakerphone in the first two panels. come on, t-rex! nobody likes speakerphone. i heard the guy who invented speakerphone wrote a poem about regret, and it was published under the title 'What I did, that made people sad'
May 2007
[edit]- May 1, 2007
- T-Rex: Futurism was an art movement where dudes were all 'CARS ARE COOL AND THE PAST IS FOR CHUMPS. LET'S DRAW SOME CARS.'
- Subject: cars were new at the time and futurists were big into paintings of cars. also, stories where there's cars
- T-Rex: But they also extended beyond art, to food! Futurists had a MANIFESTO for food. It banned the knife and fork AND pasta, AND told people that sardines and pineapples together were tasty times! They banned pasta because it caused skepticism?
- Dromiceiomimus: Was the food good?
- T-Rex: Maybe? But it wasn't very popular.
- May 1, 2007
- T-Rex: They didn't want to have to eat their food under UV lamps which 'activated' it, nor did they want to give up pasta. It's crazy! The movement started in Italy, and I believe people canonically eat pasta there all the time! Like, even for breakfast?
- Utahraptor: I believe that to be Italian Canon, yes.
- T-Rex: I got my ideas about Italy from cartoons!
- Utahraptor: I got mine from boxes of pasta!
- May 2, 2007
- T-Rex: Hallowe'en is coming up! Soon! Soonish, anyway. Hallowe'en is coming up in several months. I'm probably going as a pretty pretty princess. Anyway.
- May 2, 2007
- T-Rex: I'm writing a Hallowe'en story! A spooky story called 'The Haunted Nun Who DIES!'
- Dromiceiomimus: She lives in a haunted house, and then she dies?
- T-Rex: No no, the ghost haunts her. Like a house? And then she dies and the ghost dies too so it's like, Russian nesting doll ghosts. This happens several times over the course of the narrative, so by the end, there's so many ghosts-within-ghosts that the only possible response is ULTIMATE TERROR.
June 2007
[edit]- June 4, 2007
- Dromiceiomimus: That's not pathetic fallacy! It's when you give emotions to the inanimate: "ice wants to float", and so on. It can also happen when weather mirrors a character's emotions, like when Shakespeare gets sad, it starts to rain. I think that's what you meant?
- T-Rex: OR, when Shakespeare gets pissed, and then a bear shows up and eats whoever pissed him off! Hah, looks like you pissed off the wrong playwright, dude! He's in with the BEARS!!
July 2007
[edit]August 2007
[edit]September 2007
[edit]October 2007
[edit]November 2007
[edit]December 2007
[edit]2009
[edit]January 2009
[edit]- January 2, 2009
- Title: if i eat the flesh of my enemies, can i turn them into my brains, and thus have their OWN BODY think my thoughts, and those thoughts will be "ha ha ha AWESOME"?
- January 5, 2009
- T-Rex: I found out about the best word yesterday: "frigorific"! It means "cold". With this word I can finally say the sentence, "DAAAAMN, girlfriend, that was totally frigorific!" I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT SENTENCE.
- January 5, 2009
- Tooltip: "Frigorific"! It is a fantastic word. It is a word you take home to Mom. It is a word that you put in place of your last name to test out what marriage with this word will be like. Ryan Frigorific.
August 2009
[edit]- August 10, 2009
- T-Rex: Okay, time to get myself into some of them books of quotations!
2010
[edit]April 2010
[edit]- April 20, 2010
- Subject: keep in mind that mary is a dinosaur, making her a future dinosaur astronaut. also let's say she's got a jetpack and that i'm pretty sure it lets her jetpack through time.
2012
[edit]January 2012
[edit]- January 2, 2012
- T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! I predict that this year there will be some hugs! And some jerks on the news! Dromiceiomimus! You should probably invite us in, this next prediction is NC-17
- January 3, 2012
- T-Rex: Last year some folks made some friggin' mistakes! This year, I'm going to make exactly zero mistakes. And this year starts... several days ago! Attention world! It is now LITERALLY IMPPOSSIBLE for me to be wrong!
- January 5, 2012
- T-Rex: Oh snap! Someone's brain is squeezing for a teasing! It must be BRAIN TEASER THURSDAY
- January 7, 2012
- T-Rex: All this time and we're still dealing with this crap? How come we haven't found a reliable, scalable, and repeatable way to build a civilization without LITERALLY MURDERING each other yet? If I were putting down design requirements for a civ I'd put "structured such that nobody gets murdered" pretty near the top of the list!
- January 7, 2012
- T-Rex: Sometimes I think it's crazy that we haven't colonized other planets yet! Other days I think maybe, JUST MAYBE, the rest of the universe will get by just fine even if we don't bring our murdery ways to it. Anyway, wow, yay, go us
- January 9, 2012
- T-Rex: Holy crap I just came up with the best dog name ever!
- God: BETTER EVEN THAN DR LEONARD MCCOY OR BONES FOR SHORT
- T-Rex: Quite possibly!! You get a dog and name him...SIR.
- January 9, 2012
- T-Rex: "Come here, Sir!" you'll say, and in that instant everyone will know you are both 100% FREEBASED CLASSY.
- January 10, 2012
- T-Rex: WHEN I REPLAY THIS CONVERSATION IN MY DREAMS, INSTEAD OF "PATHETIC" I'M GOING TO SAY "SUPER AWESOME. AND I'M SORRY, I KNOW YOU WANT TO DATE ME BUT REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO DATE ME TOO. IT'S MY BURDEN TO BEAR AND I SHOULDER IT GLADLY." THEN I'M GONNA FLEX, JUST YOU WAIT
- January 11, 2012
- tooltip: a twitter account that's just random song lyrics followed by an all-caps "PLEASE RT": file that under Things I Would Follow
- January 12, 2012
- T-Rex: Man! I thought Barosaurus and I were at Friend Level Tell Me In Person, but I GUESS we're really at Friend Level Find Out If You Ever Check Facebook!
2022
[edit]July 2022
[edit]- July 28, 2022
- Banner: Science: super easy
- Dromiceiomimus: I feel like your banner is misleading.
- T-Rex: Not if you don't allow followup questions it's not!!
- July 30, 2022
- T-Rex: What idiot named it the "International Tennis Federation Internal Adjudication Panel"...and not TENNIS COURT??
- Narration: the end
- July 31, 2022
- T-Rex: I've written a TON of Sherlock Holmes stories!
- Utahraptor: That's not quite accurate.
- T-Rex: I've summarized the gist of a TON of Sherlock Holmes stories!
- July 31, 2022
- Tooltip: me, on my deathbed: "waugh! everybody cheated"
August 2022
[edit]- August 1, 2022
- T-Rex: Yes, the future truly is a place of wonder and maybe hellish dystopia! It's impossible to say till we get there!
- Dromiceiomimus: IF we get there!
- T-Rex: WHAT
