Drowning Mona

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Drowning Mona is a 2000 comedy about when the most-hated woman in town drives her car into the river to her death and everyone becomes a suspect.

Directed by Nick Gomez and written by Peter Steinfeld.
1 murder. 460 prime suspects. Not so much of a 'who done it' as a 'who didn't'. Taglines


Rona Mace[edit]

  • Good luck doesn't happen to people like us. Good luck happens to Madonna.
  • I could wind up floating on the bottom of the Hudson.
  • Some shame bout that Mona Dearly. I mean, so young.

Phil Dearly[edit]

  • Don't kiss the dogs ass!
  • I was a battered husband.

Jeff Dearly[edit]

  • I want half. And don't give me none of that "fifty-percent" shit.
  • Look, I heard you the first time, Bobby. I ain't mute.

Others[edit]

  • Mona Dearly: Don't call yourselves BJ Landscaping. You don't want people to go around calling you "Blow Job Landscaping."
  • Phil Dearly: [singing] I'm a Wheel Watcher! I'm a Wheel Watcher!
  • Lt. Feege Gruber: They found him this morning...dead in the water, so to speak.

Dialogue[edit]

Chief Wyatt Rash: My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad."
Mona Dearly: Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?!
Phil Dearly: Make shit salad?

Deputy Tony Carlucci: [to Phil Dearly, after informing him of his wife's death] So, uh...you want to tell Jeff about his mom, or do you think we should do it, or...
Phil Dearly: Yeah! Uh...
Deputy Jimmy D: I mean, we'd be more than happy to do it, Phil, you know, it's just that, coming from you it may cushion the blow.
Deputy Tony Carlucci: Being that, you know, he's your son and all.
Phil Dearly: Well, in that case, it might be best if one of you did it.

Bobby Kalzone: Dude, she's like 13.
Jeff Dearly: Finally!

Ellen Rash: You're supposed to have that thing in your head that says, "BAD FUCKING IDEA, BOBBY!"
Bobby Kalzone: I do have it! It just didn't work!

Bobby Kalzone: It's been different since Jeff killed Peaches.
Chief Wyatt Rash: Jeff killed Peaches? I thought it was the other way around.
Bobby Kalzone: Peaches killed Jeff?
Chief Wyatt Rash: No, I heard you killed Peaches.

Chief Wyatt Rash: Tell me something Cubby, you notice anything odd lately?
Cubby: You mean other than the fact that no one seems to care about this woman's death?
Chief Wyatt Rash: Along those lines.
Cubby: Hell Wyatt, I've seen people more upset over losing change in a candy machine.

Mona Dearly: Why'de you pull us over Feege?
Lt. Feege Gruber: Oh let me think about that Mona, you're riding on rims and you pulled an 1107 on an officer of the law. [to Jeff] What the hell is the matter with you son?
Mona Dearly: What did you hurt him for?
Lt. Feege Gruber: He's drunk!
Mona Dearly: No he ain't! [to Jeff] It's OK baby. [to Feege] You're gonna pay for this Feege! You just lost your lawn service, pal!

Bobby Kalzone: Mona Dearly's dead.
Ellen Rash: What?
Bobby Kalzone: She's dead- It was just a- car accident.
Ellen Rash: You gotta be kiddin' me. Well- We gotta celebrate!
Bobby Kalzone: Jesus, God, Ellie she's a human being. Have a little respect.
Ellen Rash: I don't gotta have respect for no one in that family. Think how they treated you.
Bobby Kalzone: How did they treat me?
Ellen Rash: Badly, they're a houseful of freaks.

Jeff Dearly: Where's my car?
Deputy Jimmy D.: Well Jeff, it's a little bit more serious than your car.
[Pause]
Jeff Dearly: Would someone mind tellin me what the hell's goin on?
Deputy Tony Carlucci: Your mother drove her car into the lake Jeff, I'm afraid she's dead.
Jeff Dearly: What was she doing in my car?

Ellen Rash: Bobby! Sheesh I can't believe you killed somebody!
[she walks off]
Bobby Kalzone: Where ya goin?
Ellen Rash: Home!
Bobby Kalzone: [quietly] We need milk.

Taglines[edit]

  • 1 murder. 460 prime suspects. Not so much of a 'who done it' as a 'who didn't'.
  • The death of Mona Dearly wasn't so much a whodunnit, as a who didn't.
  • Who wanted to see Mona Dearly dead? Take a number.

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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