Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 1)

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The following is a list of quotes from the first season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

The Ed-touchables

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Edd: Four thousand eight hundred and twenty, four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four–ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel–four thousand eight hundred and thirty-one, four thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and–[does some calculations on an abacus]–thirty-seven. [placing a label reading Ants 4,837 on his ant farm. The doorbell then rings but upon opening it, he finds nobody there and walks away. This happens 2 more times] Now please–! [a bucket of water falls on his head. He walks away, but the bell rings again. He answers it and a fish hits him in the face. He walks away, but the bell rings yet again, and this time Eddy is there.]
Eddy: Hey, Double D, what took you so long?
Edd: Oh. Hello, Eddy. So, what're you doing? Hey. Was that you ringing my doorbell?
Eddy: Who, me? Nah.

Nagged To Ed

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[The scene opens in a garage. An insect is crawling across what appears to be a workshop desk.]
Edd: Not so fast, little fella.

Over Your Ed

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Pop Goes the Ed

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Sir Ed-a-Lot

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Nazz: Wow, Eddy, cool car. [Eddy rolls the window back up]
Kevin: [tapping on the window] Hey dork. Whose car is it, you twerp?
[Eddy cranks up the volume on the car radio, causing both Nazz and Kevin to run away]

Edd: Hey, Eddy. What are you doing?
Eddy: Just buffing the wheels.
Edd: Whose car is this, Eddy?
Eddy: Beats me. Where's Ed?

Sarah: As I was saying, I am the queen!
Ed: And we are your serviants.
Eddy: Next thing you know, she wants a throne. [cut to Sarah on a makeshift throne] A toast to my big mouth.

A Pinch To Grow an Ed

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Eddy: Nice boots, Mr. Inventor Smarty Pa- [is propelled into the garage ceiling and immediately falls back down in a daze] Nice pants, Mr. Smarty Boots Nice...
Edd: Careful, Eddy, that button is very sensitive.

Sarah: Ed, what are you doing?
Ed: Making Eddy tall.
Sarah: I'm telling mom.
Jimmy: I wanna be tall too.
Sarah: Come on, Jimmy.

Read All About Ed

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Ed: [buried beneath a mountain of papers] Hey look, my horoscope - 'New enterprise fails to meet expectations'. What's that mean?

Edd: Summer rains, you can never predict them.

Quick Shot Ed

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An Ed Too Many

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Edd: [dreamily] With good luck the daily chore of applying fabric softener would become a thing of the past.

Ed: It sounds like the howl of a werewolf from the belly of Hades!
Eddy: Get off me, Ed! That's your belly.
Ed: [stares at his rumbling stomach for a few seconds and chuckles] I'm hungry.
Eddy: We can go to my house and make some pizza.
Edd: I'll make the sauce.
Ed: I'll get in the way and make a big mess.

Jimmy: [feebly kicking Eddy] Where is Sarah?! I want Sarah! I miss Sarah! Give her back!
Eddy: [to Ed, ignoring Jimmy] Let's get this over with...

Ed-n-Seek

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[The Eds have the opportunity to hide in a game of Hide-n-Seek. Eddy is heading over to his hiding spot with some food]
Jimmy: 81.82.83.
Eddy: 24.25.26.
Jimmy: 27.28.29.
Eddy: [gets into a metallic bush, which is their hiding spot] Ha, this is the best hiding spot.
Ed: We can stay here forever.
Edd: At the rate of your consumption, it may only be minutes.

[Eddy has an idea to get the kids to come out of their hiding spot]
Eddy: [effeminate voice] Help me! Help! Somebody stole my purse! Oh, somebody help!
Ed: Hmm. PLANK, YOUR MOMMA'S CALLING!
[The scene zooms over to a bush in which Plank pops up from it]
Eddy: They must be cheating.

Look Into My Eds

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Ed: Look into the circley thing.
Rolf: You crazy.
Ed: [turning to Eddy] It's not working, Eddy.
Eddy: Spin it, bean dip.
Ed: Thanks, Eddy.

Lee: Look at me. I'm a movie star.
May: I'm a TV star.
Marie: You've been cancelled. I'm a TV star.

Tag Yer Ed

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Edd: Your techniques are incorrect, Eddy. To extract milk from a cow, you must use its udder.
Eddy: I ain't touching that.

Ed: Take me to your leader! [charges the Kankers]
Eddy: Give 'em the Burr-Head Bump, Ed!
Ed: I can't Eddy, my mom says I can't fight girls!

Fool on the Ed

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Ed: Something smells good.
Edd: It is said that scent is a gateway to one's true inner essence.
Eddy: [dizzy] Yes, I stink, therefore I am.

Edd: [recoiling from the handwritten Prank Master card in Ed's hand] He's such a horrible printer.
Ed: You hold it, Double D.
Edd: But I have no idea where it's been.

A Boy and His Ed

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Ed: Hmm...Kevin's got a pretty fancy garage.
Edd: [referring to Kevin's bathroom] Must be a built-in car wash.
The Eds: Huh?
Kevin: [in the bathtub naked and taking a bath] What are you dorks doing in here?

Eddy: [blows a klaxon, then chants] Kevin, Kevin, he's our man!
Edd: We can't do it-
Eddy: But Kevin sure can! [plays a bas drum 6 times]
[Ed bangs his head on trash can lids; Edd blows a noisemaker. The drum rolls away as Ed brings two lids, with Eddy in it. Ed moons, showing his butt with IN on his underwear, Eddy is standing upright with the K painted on his front body, Edd holds a sign EV]
The Eds: Kevin!
[Edd realizes they spelled it as KINEV and fixes it. Kevin holds up a sign that says "Dorks"]

It's Way Ed

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Ed: What's a fad?
Edd: When something insignificant becomes popular.
Eddy: Right. And we know the Eds are way insignificant.

[Fad Freaker has become popular, just as the Eds have given up trying]
Eddy: We're behind again.
Edd: Cheer up, Eddy! My mom always says fads go in a cycle. In another ten years, we'll be back in style.
Ed: I'm hungry.
Eddy: [off-blank screen] Shut up, Ed.

Laugh Ed Laugh

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Edd: [sees a sign that says Quarantine] Oh, dear! A quarantine!
Ed: I've seen this before.
Eddy: Where?
Ed: [points] There.
[Each and every house has quarantine signs everywhere]
Edd: It must be an epidemic.
Eddy: So I guess we're the only ones not sick.

[Eddy is locked into a padded shed and presented a large amount of fake money]
Eddy: WE'LL BUY A TRUCK-LOAD OF JAWBREAKERS!
Ed: What do you mean?
Eddy: What do you mean 'What do you mean'? With all this glorious... [looks closely at the bill he's holding and sees a picture of Ed's face drawn on it] What the-?! It's fake!
Ed: I drew it myself. Eddy's mad.
Edd: Correct. He's back to normal.

Dawn of the Eds

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Eddy: We'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks.
Edd: Uh, actually, Eddy, with current exchange rates, maybe an afternoon's worth.
Eddy: Uh, you don't know what you're talking about. What do you think, Ed? Ed? Ed? Ed? ED! HEY!!! What's clogged up your brain, Ed?
Ed: That! See? Robot Rebel Ranch!
The Eds: [amazed]: Ooh.
Ed: "Marooned on a distant planet!". "Visitors in the void!". "No escape!!". Huh? AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! [Zooms into 'Adults Only' on the poster twice] It's not fair! Aw, if only I were older.
Edd: Don't worry Ed. We'll see it on TV in a year.
Ed: Yeah, with all the good stuff cut out.

Vert-Ed-Go

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Eddy: Ed, why is your helmet tied to your butt?
Ed: For protection.
[Eddy attempts to get the helmet off Ed's butt]
Eddy: It's meant for your head.
Ed: It's my butt!
Eddy: It's not safe!
Ed: Eddy, stop!
Eddy:It's not meant-
Ed and Eddy: AAH! [they both fall down]

[The Eds follow Jonny to look for wood]
Jonny: [points] There!
[The camera zooms over to a trash can full of garbage and Eddy picks up a popsicle stick from it]
Eddy: A dirty popsicle stick?
Ed: [grabs the popsicle stick from Eddy] Got it, Eddy.
Eddy: [groans] We need large pieces of wood, Jonny. Tell Plank to quit fooling around.
Jonny: Okay, okay! He said follow him!

Who, What, Where, Ed

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[Sarah and Nazz playing badminton, and Eddy grabs onto Sarah's racket]
Sarah: Hey!
Eddy: Give me your racket, Sarah!
Sarah: My serve! [uses Eddy as a ball and Eddy hits the net, then flies through a fence] Don't ever touch my racket!

Ed: [running round the entire cul-de-sac asking for a cup of clams] Can Eddy come out to play?
Eddy: I'm right beside you Ed.
Ed: HI EDDY!

Keeping Up With The Eds

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Ed: THE GOAT ATE SARAH! THE GOAT ATE MY SISTER!
Eddy: Ed looking for the goat?
Edd: I think he found it.

Eds-Aggerate

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Oath to an Ed

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Rolf: [after the microwave exploded and drenched Rolf and the Eds with gravy] Such waste and disrespect to the fast food stuffers is not allowed in the Urban Rangers! But, seeing you covered in filth reminds me of my youth. Next badge.

Rolf: Those Ed-Boys are crazy like chickens except they lay no eggs. Ah, candied beets to calm my nerves.

A Glass Of Warm Ed

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Eddy: [blearily] Who turned off the sun?

Edd: Ed is like a swarm of locusts ready to purge the cul-de-sac and all its good people of their food!
Eddy: Y'know, you scare me when you talk like that. Let's go see what Big Ed's up to.

Edd: Ed, did you know that you've been sleepwalking? And that you've consumed all the food within a five block radius of your bed?
Ed: Not only that, but I feel like I have consumed all the food within a five block radius of my bed. Huh? [sees Edd's half-eaten cactus plant Jim] Oh, Jim got a haircut.

Flea Bitten Ed

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Ed: How's it look, Eddy?
Eddy: Ed, you put the sign on upside-down.
Ed: No Eddy, I put the sign on the garage.
Eddy: Just flip it over, Ed.
Ed: Flip it? Got it.
Edd: Ah...I think I'm ready to tackle anything with my fine assortment of short and long, hard and soft hairbrushes.
Ed: [flips the entire garage over] I flipped it, Eddy.
Edd: Well, I can read it.
Eddy: Ed's Pet 'Boutick' is open for business.

Eddy: Anything good on Double D?
Edd: [scouring TV listings] Ooh there's a documentary on mollusks.
Ed: Boring! How about 'Bob: Defender of the Bunion People'?

Button Yer Ed

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Edd: It seems the fly has lodged itself into Eddy's voice box, disabling his ability to talk.
Ed: [plucks one of Eddy's hairs off of his head. Eddy silently yells in pain] Eddy can't talk.

[Edd and Ed are sitting on the front porch as Eddy is calling out to them from a distance]
Edd: The brain is an amazing organ, Ed. It's actually fooling me that Eddy's calling out to us.
Ed: Were Rolf's fish sticks good, Double D?

Avast Ye Eds

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Eddy: Is this thing on?
Edd: Eddy, just speak into the mic.
Eddy: What, this?
Edd: Yes.
Eddy: Okay, okay. Welcome, passengers, I'm Captain Eddy of Eddy's Creek Cruise, where you get more bang for your buck. I'd like you to sit back, relax and enjoy the soothing sounds of 88 fingers Eddward.
Edd: This instrument is so annoying. [plays surprisingly outstanding pedal steel guitar. Everybody's jaws drop]

Eddy: Ed! Fire up the engine!
Ed: Roger walnut, Eddy! Jumping. [jumps down, rocking the boat, and puts his lower half in the water again] Kick my feet, kick my feet, kick my feet.
Eddy: Faster, Ed!
Ed Kick my feet faster, kick my feet faster, Kick my feet faster.
Lee: I wanna be their barnacle of love.
[The Kankers giggle]
May: Barnacle.

Lee: No hard feelings, buttercups.
May: Let's kiss and make up.
[The Kankers make kissy faces]
Jimmy: [points upward] Oh look!
[Jonny is revealed to be standing on top of the Kankers giant sail. He plunges Plank into it, and then slides down, ripping it]
Marie: That kid's ripping our sail!
[Jonny jumps off the Kankers boat and swims onto Eddy's Creek Cruise]
Jimmy: Just like Errol Flynn!
[Everyone cheers]
Lee: Those were my best bed-sheets. Time for the heavy artillery. [pulls out her hairpin] Sink 'em, May.
May: [putting the pin in a rubber band] Lee, my patch.
[Lee lifts the eyepatch. May fires it directly into the tire]
Jimmy: [watching] Look! [the hairpin hits the tire] Jonny! Save us!
Eddy: I'm the captain here, I'll handle it! Oh look, a bobby pin. So scary. [starts to pull it out]
Edd: Eddy! Please don't...
Eddy: What? It's just stuck. [pulls it out. Holding up the hairpin] See?
[All the air rushes out of the tire, and the boat deflates around the creek]

Rolf: Hello, Ed-boys. When is the next sailing? My flesh begs me for sun and sweat. [Edd hands him the deflated inner tube] What? Huh?
Edd: I was kind of hoping my first kiss would be enjoyable.
Eddy: Alas, the sea is a cruel mistress.
Ed: I'm stumped.
Jimmy: [floating by in the background] Hair emergency! Hair emergency!
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