Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
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Here comes Elvira…there goes the neighbourhood! (taglines)
- [to Bob] My name's Elvira, but you can call me 'tonight'.
- I didn't know I had a good aunt, let alone a great one.
- Chastity Pariah: Listen, young lady. I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you certainly don't fit in this town. Why, you don't even fit in that dress.
- Elvira: Listen, sister. If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
- Bob Redding: I, ah…I can only play G-rated movies.
- Elvira: Oh well, there's nothing wrong with G-rated movies, as long as there's lots of sex and violence.
- Elvira: Bloody Mary.
- Bartender: No hard liquor served past eight o'clock. Do you want a virgin?
- Elvira: Maybe, but, ah…I'll have a couple of drinks first.
- Patty: Seems to me it's all this cheap little tart's fault.
- Elvira: Cheap? Who are you callin' cheap? What's that perfume you're wearing, Catch of the Day?
- Patty: Look, honey. I don't know which hole you crawl out of, but I suggest you crawl right back in it, if you know what's good for you.
- Vincent Talbot: I must apologise for my behaviour in the office, it's just that your appearance was a bit of a shock to me.
- Elvira: It's okay. My appearance is kind of a shock to everybody.
- Lesley Meeker: We do have a room. Remember the trucker with the bad skin checked out yesterday?
- Elvira: I hope you changed the sheets.
- Elvira: [ringing the motel bell] I hate to interrupt this little episode of the Waltons. But can I have room?
- Mrs. Meeker: Okay, but it's cash up front. I know what you pinko heavy metal weirdos do to motel rooms. I read all about it in the Star.
- Unpleasant dreams...
- Elvira busts out in her outrageously funny feature film debut!
- Elvira makes her Big Scream Debut in her Hot New Comedy.
- Here comes Elvira...there goes the neighbourhood!
- Cassandra Peterson — Elvira and Aunt Morgana Talbot
- W. Morgan Sheppard — Great-Uncle Vincent Talbot
- Daniel Greene — Bob Redding
- Susan Kellermann — Patty
- Edie McClurg — Chastity Pariah
- Robert Benedetti — Mr. Calvin Cobb
- Kurt Fuller — Mr. Glotter
- Jeff Conaway — Travis
- William Duell — Lesley Meeker
- Pat Crawford Brown — Mrs. Meeker
- Ellen Dunning — Robin Meeker
- Ira Heiden — Bo (the geek)
- Tress MacNeille — Anchorwoman and voice of Aunt Morgana Talbot