Ike Harris: What would you say if I told you you were an immortal superhuman, granted powers by aliens to safeguard the earth from harm?
Mark Curry: Then I'd say I don't want to join your religion, I'd tell you to leave me alone. Since I'm currently not getting enough sleep to be polite, I'd tell you you sounded nuts. And I'd tell you that I'm calling hospital security if you don't go away. That's what I'd say.
Sersi: If you don't lend me nine hundred dollars, I won't be able to pay my rent. I'll be thrown out of my apartment. So I'll have to move i with you and be in your living room all the time, eating your food and stealing your boyfriend again, and I'll be so depressed that I won't eat right, leading me to die of a heart attack, and you'll be all like "Ohmygodshejustdied" and you'll join a convent or start a charity or something which would in no way be as disruptive as you lending me the nine hundred dollars.
Abi:Fine, fine I'll lend you the money, provided you promise to pay me back eventually and when did you steal my boyfriend?
Thena: The blast renders human eye unable to see, leaving enemy forces helpless against our soldiers, who'll have these goggles. Of course, the effect is only temporary - we could't have an entire nation of enemy combatants sueing the Army, or anything...
Sersi: Yes, Mr. Ambassador, of course I've heard of your country. Vorozheiko is the ninth-largest of the former Soviet Republics. Your main exports are, um, grains and minerals
Mark Curry: Well, Mr. Harris, that's a fascinating story. But - and leaving aside the bits that sound rubbish - there are two things I don't like about. One, why has none of this shown up? Roswell nuts get excited about blurry photos, so how has no-one noticed this Third Horde or whatever they were called?
Ike Harris: The Third Horde of Celestials arrived only thirty years ago, you must remember -
Mark Curry: 1970s? I wasn't even alive at the time, but someone would have noticed. It would have been on the Disscovery Channel at least. And the second problem. You claim that you can shrug of any disease, live indefinitely, fly... in any genetic lottery, you are the guys with the million-dollar tickets. So, why aren't there more of you? Why haven't you bred? Wouldn't we all be Eternals?
Ike Harris: I... I don't know... You do believe me, don't you?
Mark Curry: Well, put it like this - if Spider-Man told me he'd got his spider-powers from reading Chariots of the Gods, I'd probably say he was nuts, too.
Hitman: Yes, Harris survived the explosion, the fall, and the attack, so I thought we'd start this morning by drowning him.
Phone: It won't work. He has extremely efficient lungs. He can get oxygen from water if he has to.
Hitman: We know that now.
Mark Curry: Sersi, I have to thank you for letting me come to this party.
Sersi: Oh, it's nothing. I was editing the guest list anyway... Oh, but if anyone asks, you're the New York editor for 'Foreign Policy Monthly'. I checked, and "Cute Friend of the Organizer" just wasn't enough for them to let you in.
Mark Curry: OK. (begins to walk away, but then stops and turns around) "Cute Friend of the Organizer"?
Sersi: Not now, Cute Boy, I have people to talk to.
Mark Curry: Well, I believe that 'Foreign Policy Monthly' has had the most even account of the war in Chechnya.
Vorozheikan Embassy Official: Even? Last month you were in favor of the rebels, this you're in favor of the government.
Mark Curry: Yes, but our editing policy is the most even. We always encourage our staffers to follow their own voice, so to speak.
Embassy Official: (to subordinate, in Vorozheikan) This man's an idiot, just like all American journalists.
Hitman:(after several attempts to kill Ike Harris) He's just not built for dying, is he?
Ike Harris:(after touching the Eternal city of Olympia) I am Ikaris. I am Ikaris of the Eternals. I am older than humanity. I was created to protect this Earth and everything that moves upon it. Someone has done this to my people. Whoever you are... wherever you are - I will find you.
Sprite: I don't know why you were so worried about Sersi, Makkari. You and her were together since the dawn times. But you broke up half a million years ago because she was cheating on you. Then you broke up ten thousand years ago because you were cheating on her. You broke up sixteen hundred years ago because you were tired of it. Then you rescued her from sme dumb fire in Rome. Of course, I offered to go save her -
Zuras:(in flashback) A noble thought, Sprite, but you're just a child!
Sprite: By then, of course, she'd had sex with all the straight male Eternals, all sixty of them, except me -
Sersi:in flashback) Sprite, that's so sweet. But you're just a child!
Sprite: Yeah, I had to spend a million years watching the rest of you swan around as adults... a million years of being treated like a kid... And then I found the Dreaming Celestial... the power of its mind... so I made an illusion around the rest of you, so you wouldn't interfere, and when it was done, I took Zuras, the most powerful of us, and Ajak, the only one who could talk to Celestials, and I brought them here and we did it. A Uni-Mind, powered by the Dreaming Celestial. And suddenly, it wasn't illusion I was creating anymore, it was reality. I could have done anything. Could've made snow taste like chocolate. But I settled for this. Fame and humanity. The world loves me as a child superstar, and someday I'm going to be a man. I gave you all humanity, Makkari. You should be freaking grateful.
Narrator: Druig smiles as his terrified minions kill his prisoners with knives. And in the morning, he will announce that these atrocities have been committed by... Who? Gypsies, possibly. Homosexuals. Slavs. And he will have them rounded up. And it will be necessary to reinstate the secret police. And without quite knowing why, he feels as if he is returning to the good old days. The very old days.