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Evolution is a 2001 film about a fire fighting cadet, two college professors, and a geeky-but-sexy government scientist who are working against an alien organism that has been rapidly evolving ever since its arrival on Earth inside a meteor.
- Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same old, boring magazine everyday. The end." And although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be, I still could not bring myself to put an "A" on top of those beauties. I hope you understand, guys.
- Let's shampoo us some aliens!!
- [during the second expedition to the meteorite cavern, to Ira about Dr. Reed] All she needs is a good humping. [mocks Reed while "demonstrating" sex] Oh Ira! I-i-i-i-ra...OOOH IRA!
- Harry Block: Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, didn't you?
- Ira Kane: Were you even in that courtroom?
- Block: Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.
- Kane: [upon discovering that their lab's been ransacked] Oh, we've been hit!
- Block: Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!
- [Ira and Harry see a unique organism.]
- Ira Kane: Hey, cool. Snag one.
- Harry Block: Snag one?
- Kane: Yeah, snag one and put it in the bucket.
- Block: I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. You snag it.
- [An alien fly is inside Harry Block and the surgeons debate on how to remove it]
- Dr. Allison Reed: What do we do?
- Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.
- Nurse Tate: Saw.
- Harry Block: Whoa, Doc, don't take my leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.
- Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
- Nurse Tate: Wait, doctor, look.
- Paulson: Ooh. [looks in bug inside, crawling] It's headed for his testicles.
- Block: Take it, take it! Take the leg!!
- Reed: Wait, wait, wait!
- Block: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Reed: It's going the other way.
- Paulson: Alright, give me some forceps. I might be able to catch it in his colon.
- Reed: How are you going in?
- Paulson: Rectally.
- Harry: [squealing] NOOOO!
- Tate: I'll get the lubricant.
- Paulson: There's no time for lubricant.
- Harry: THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!
- [Harry, Wayne, and Irah hunt for an alien dragon-like creature in a shopping mall. Wayne has an idea to tries to get its attention by saying "caw-caw" and "tookie tookie" repeatedly on a live mic]
- Harry Block: Wayne! I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie, tookie" don't work.
- Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry. [starts singing into the mike] You are so beautiful to me.
- Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
- Block: Uh-uh, stand down. I'm taking this one out myself.
- Grey: You are so beautiful to me.
- Block: [slightly mutters] Wayne, would you please stop? You're embarrassing me.
- Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
- Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
- Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. Did some chemistry in high school.
- Dr. Allison Reed: There's something I've been wanting to tell you, but I don't know exactly how.
- Ira Kane: Well, we're all adults here, and we're all about to die a very horrible death anyway, so?
- Reed: I would've rocked your world.
- Kane: You already have.
- Have a nice end of the world.
- Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet.
- David Duchovny - Dr. Ira Kane
- Julianne Moore - Dr. Allison Reed, CDC
- Orlando Jones - Prof. Harry Phineas Block
- Seann William Scott - Wayne Grey
- Ted Levine - General Russell Woodman
- Dan Aykroyd - Governor Lewis