Fallout (TV series)

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Fallout (2024-present) is an American television science fiction dystopian drama series, airing on Amazon Prime Video about a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles brought about by global nuclear decimation, citizens must live in underground bunkers to protect themselves from radiation, mutants and bandits, based on the computer role playing game franchise Fallout.

Listen to me, Hollywood is the past. Forget Hollywood. The future, my friend, is products. You're a product. I'm a product. The end of the world is a product. And for those of us who can successfully embrace that, I'd say the future is golden.

Season 1

[edit]

"The End" [1.01]

[edit]
Cooper: All right, birthday boy. Let’s get a photo of you up here on Sugarfoot. [Hoists boy up on horse]
Frank: [To Bob] Why the hell is Cooper Howard working kids’ birthday parties?
Bob: [To Frank] What else? Alimony. [Chuckles]
Janey: What’d they say, Dad?
Cooper: That I’m lucky to have such a good helper like you.

Bob: [Motioning for a photo opportunity] Aw, Coop, Coop, Coop. Do your thumbs-up.
Cooper: Yeah, you know, given the state of everything, I’d prefer not to, if that’s all right.
Bob: Why not? It’s what you’re famous for.
Bob's wife: Yeah. Drop it, Bob.
Cooper: We gotta... we got to get this rodeo on the road.

TV Meteorologist: Hal, I can’t... I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I can’t do the weather if I don’t even know if there’s gonna be a next week.
Bob's wife: [Changes TV channel] Only thinking happy thoughts today.
TV announcer: Sugar Bombs presents Grognak the Barbarian and the Ruby Ruins.

Cooper: I think that’s everything. [Sighs]
Janey: Why wouldn’t you do it? The thumbs-up.
Cooper: Oh, it’s, uh... that’s grown-up stuff. [Smacks lips] Well, back when I was in the Marines, they taught us that if they ever drop a really big bomb, told us to hold up your thumb just like this. And if the cloud is smaller than your thumb, well, you run for the hills.
Janey: And if it’s bigger than your thumb?
Cooper: They told us not to bother running.
Janey: Do you think it’s gonna happen?
Cooper: I certainly hope not. But us cowpokes, we take it as it comes, right?
Janey: Can I have a slice, Dad?
Cooper: You know what? Let me see if I can’t rustle you up a piece. All right, one piece of cake coming up for my favorite cowgirl.
...
[A nuclear bomb is set off in downtown Los Angeles in the distance]
Janey: Is it your thumb or mine?
Cooper: That’s smoke, Janey. It’s just a fire.
...
Frank: [To Bob going in cellar] Let us in with you.
Bob: No room. Back off. [Punches Frank in face]

Lucy: My name is Lucy MacLean, and I’m an active contributor to the wellbeing of my community. Repair Skills. I enjoy participating in the Young Pipefitter’s Association, which keeps me active. Science Skills. Obviously, mine are nothing compared to my dad’s, but I always relish a challenge. Speech Skills. My primary passion is teaching American History, with a focus on ethics. I also participate in Gymnastics Club, Fencing Team C... Intermediate Phys Ed... and I dabble in Riflery. Though I’m not very good. In my personal time, I enjoy taking walks and watching movies with my dad, gardening… also with my dad... and participating in my family book club. We’re still trying to get my brother on board. He’ll come around when he’s ready. My reproductive organs are intact. My hygiene well maintained, and yet, I have been unable to find a suitable marriage partner. At least one I’m not related to. And we have rules about that for a reason. So, it is with sound mind and body that I hereby submit my application to the council to participate in the Triennial Trade with Vault 32.

Lucy: [To Chet before opening the door to Vault 32 to meet her future husband] Chet, what’s going on?
Chet: Lucy, I love you.
Lucy: We all know that, Chet. Messing around with your cousin, it’s all well and good for kids, but it’s not sustainable for long-term sexual practice, you know?

The Ghoul: [To bounty hunters right after being unearthed from grave] Well, well, well. Why, is this an Amish production of The Count of Monte Cristo... or the weirdest circle jerk I’ve ever been invited to?

Woody: Get that jelly mold out of here!

Honcho: A feral ghoul can't abide a chicken. If he goes for her, we kill him.

"The Target" [1.02]

[edit]
Knight Titus: [Running away from a Yao guai (radiation-induced-mutated ursine abomination)] Holy shit. [Repeatedly] Fuck...! Oh fuck! [Repeatedly] No...! [Repeatedly] Fuck...! No!

Chicken collector: [To Maximus after Maximus saved him from a farmer] You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman. You should be commended.
Farmer: [To Maximus] I’m sorry, okay? Don’t- don’t murder me. It’s just... The guy was fucking my chickens.
[Maximus pauses awkwardly]
Maximus: Okay. On your way, citizen.

Ghoul: [After Lucy shot him with a tranqualizer gun] Well, now, that is a very small drop in a very, very large bucket of drugs.

Dr. Wilzig: [To Lucy after taking a cyanide pill] Vault-Tec Plan D. It was the most humane product that Vault-Tec ever made. It was quick, painless. T-Tasted like banana. I- I was surprised it wasn’t more popular.

Farmer: You're a good person for not shooting me with that gun!

Knight Titus: Oh, Fuck.

Cooper Howard: Well, I'd say come up here and get me, but it's hard to walk upstairs when you're wearing a 12 piece cast-iron skillet set.

"The Head" [1.03]

[edit]
Ghoul: You know, there was a time when they did studies on all kinds of things. Hell, you couldn't open a newspaper without readin' some kind of survey or another. Well, one of them things they studied was whether torturin' somebody actually gets anything useful. You don't need no studies to know that. You don't learn anything from torturing somebody.
Lucy: Then-why are you doing this?
Ghoul: Well, I'm not torturing you, sweetheart. I'm usin' you as bait. [Kicks Lucy back into the lake]

Lucy: [To Ghoul] You can’t treat people like this.
Ghoul: Yeah? Why’s that?
Lucy: Because of the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
Ghoul: Yeah, well, the Wasteland’s got its own golden rule.
Lucy: Oh? What’s that?
Ghoul: Thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time.

"The Ghouls" [1.04]

[edit]
Roger: [Repeatedly] My name is Roger.
The Ghoul: Hey, Rog.
Roger: [Laughs] Hey. Hey. Fancy seeing you out here. You out for that bounty, too, huh?
The Ghoul: Yep. [Roger snarls and wails] Oh, shit. How you feeling?
Roger: Oh... you know... it’s hard out here. Dang smoothies can be so unkind. [Pants] I see you got a smoothie of your own. [Snarls]
The Ghoul: You’re turning.
Roger: [Grunts] Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. [Chuckles] Hey, you- you don’t happen to have any vials, do you? [Sniffles] Just one little puff and I’ll be back on my feet. You know I’m good for it.
The Ghoul: I’m sorry, Roger. I’m all out.
Roger: That’s okay. That’s okay. Though, um, you and your smooth-faced friend, you, um... might want to clear out... before things get ugly. [Snarls] I did okay. Twenty-eight years since I first started showing. [Yells] Oh, hell. [Grunts] Not as long as you, though. You’ve outlasted us all. How long since you first started wastelanding?
The Ghoul: A long time.
Roger: That’s a lot of vials.
The Ghoul: Well, I’ve always been good at making money, Roger. [Exhales]
Roger: Say... you remember how good food used to taste? Yeah. BlamCo Mac & Cheese. Ice cream and apple pie. [Laughs] Hot damn. Apple pie. You know, my mom used to... [The Ghoul shoots Roger in the head]
Lucy: Wait... why’d you do that?! He was sick! [The Ghoul flips Roger's body over, reaches for orthodontics tools and pulls out a tooth from Roger] Stop! Stop, stop! Please! I... No, I know it’s hard up here, but you don’t... you don’t have... you don’t have to resort to... to...
The Ghoul: What’d you say your name was?
Lucy: Lucy MacLean.
The Ghoul: MacLean? Huh. Well, Lucy MacLean, it ain’t all canned peaches and marmalade left up here, sweetheart. Sometimes a fella’s got to eat a fella.
Lucy: You know, my vault has endured hardship, too. In the Great Plague of ’77, everyone had to quarantine, they couldn’t work the farms together. People starved. My mother included. My dad dropped to 128 pounds, and he still refused to do anything like this. [The Ghoul laughs] What? What’s so funny?
The Ghoul: Well, there’s what people say they did and what they really did. I’ll bet your daddy was first in line at the cookout. I bet he had a bib with a drawing of his neighbor’s ass on there.
Lucy: How do you live like this?! Why keep going?!
The Ghoul: Well, one good question deserves another. Why the fuck am I doing all the work? Now come on, Vaultie. Ass jerky don't make itself.

Betty: There you are. Thought you might be up here. Made pie if you’d like a piece. I was there the first time that you tried rhubarb pie and ice cream. You sure did like pie that day.
Reg: You came here to talk to me about what I said at the assembly.
Betty: And why do you think that is?
Reg: It upset people.
Betty: You don’t like it when people get upset.
Reg: But you do?
Betty: You’re not the only one that feels the absence of your father. People here are hurting. Disoriented. And with your sister gone, you’re the last standing MacLean. Your voice carries more weight than you might realize.
Reg: I hid. During the raid, I got in a storage space and I hid.
Betty: Does that make you angry?
Reg: Why does it matter?
Betty: Regular boys... can get angry and they’ll just pee on the wall. When clever boys like you are angry... Hmm. You’re lucky not to have seen where that can lead. Just tread lightly. That’s all I ask.

The Ghoul: [Lucy dives into rain bucket drinking up] Now you’re getting it. How does that Golden Rule jibe with what’s going through your head right now?
Luc: What are you?
The Ghoul: Oh, I’m you, sweetie. You just give it a little time. [Lucy runs away with The Ghoul] Where you think you going? You ain’t going nowhere. There you are, you little killer.
Lucy: [The Ghoul cuts off her right hand index finger] Aah!
The Ghoul: Now, that right there is the closest thing we’ve had to an honest exchange so far.

The Ghoul: [Speaking into intercom] Transaction.
Attendant: Yes?
The Ghoul: Two-month supply of vials. Exchange one female. Mint condition. [Turns off intercom, glances at Lucy, then turns on intercom] Near mint condition.
Attendant: Condition grading requires physical evaluation. Please send her in.
Lucy: What’s in there?
The Ghoul: You’re about to find out.
Lucy: You’re selling me?
The Ghoul: You got problems out here, too, sweetheart. Best you try your luck behind that door. Go on.
Snip-Snip: Welcome.
Lucy: What the fudge?
Snip-Snip: Fudge? There’s no fudge here. Only a General Atomics International Mark 4. That’s what I am. You seem to be a woman.
Lucy: Please, sir, my name is Lucy MacLean. My dad’s been taken and I- I- I’ve been kidnapped. [Stammers] He’s right outside.
Snip-Snip: I say, you’ve lost a finger. Ah, that won’t do at all. Let’s get you taken care of. Follow me. Okay. Apologies for the mess. Time flies by lately. Especially since my temporal sensors went out in the Great War. That must have been a week ago, at least. Would you mind taking a seat on that gurney in front of you? Now, what have we here? [Opens drawer to select severed fingers] Too fat, too withered. Ah, this one’ll do it. Eh, you’re lucky I don’t have to use a thumb. Our finger inventory’s in a sorry state. Now, if you give me your hand... Okay, you’re going to feel a slight pinch. [Sews finger onto her hand]
Lucy: Thank you.
Snip-Snip: I say.
Lucy: I really do appreciate this. But listen, a big fish ate my head, and I need my head to get back to my dad...
Snip-Snip: There now. That’s much better, isn’t it?
Lucy: Thank you, that… Not a problem. That feels really, really nice.
Snip-Snip: Now, would you prefer a dressing of high-quality synthetic fibers, classic cotton, or a comforting synthetic-cotton blend?
Lucy: You have... real cotton?
Snip-Snip: Of course. Don’t you?
Lucy: [Sighs softly] Thank you. You know, that... that creature that brought me here, he...
Snip-Snip: You seem unhappy.
Lucy: He did not treat me very courteously.
Snip-Snip: Really?
Lucy: When I pointed out that he wasn’t following the Golden Rule, he put a leash around my neck and he made me drink from puddle water that I’m pretty sure was just some kind of animal pee.
Snip-Snip: Well, that is interesting.
Lucy: And I thought I was here to be a sex slave.
Snip-Snip: What?! No! What a disgusting idea! [Chuckles] I’m simply going to harvest your organs.
Lucy: Huh? [Snip-Snip shoots Lucy with a tranquilizer dart, knocking her out]

Snip Snip: [Wheeling Lucy past the two dopehead supervisors on couch watching TV] Pardon the interruption. Our latest arrival has arrived.
Squirrel: Oh, shit. What are they asking, Snip Snip?
Snip Snip: Sixty vials.
Squirrel: [Looks into box] We can do 60.
Snip Snip: Fantastic.
Squirrel: Oh, do her now so she’s ready for the next pickup.
Snip Snip: Excellent idea as always, sir.
Squirrel: Thanks, Snip Snip.
Snip Snip: Do excuse me.
Squirrel: Nice robot.
...
Snip Snip: [Wheeling Lucy] Where are you from again? [Lucy groans] Never been there myself. Hope to go there someday soon. Here we are. Let’s get on with it, shall we? We don’t want to keep your associate waiting.
Lucy: Sir, you can’t do this. Please, I need my organs.
Snip Snip: Now, don’t be afraid. A little snip-snip and it will all be over. Hold still now. This won’t hurt a bit. Excuse me. [Lucy kicks Snip-Snip's saw and then uses defribrillation paddles to shock Snip-Snip with it emitting garbled, overlapping phrases] There’s no fudge here. I am ever-ready to serve... to serve... to serve. [Appears to Squirrel and Huey watching TV with Snip-Snip] Do what I say and Snip-Snip doesn't get hurt!
Squirrel: It's a fuckin' robot.
Huey: Yeah, you might as well be holding an air conditioner hostage.
Squirrel: Well, an air conditioner would be a big deal, but you know what I mean.
Huey: Totally. The question was, does she know what you mean?
Lucy: Yeah. I think I do. That’s why I put Abraxo Draining Fluid in his syringes. Snip Snip, tell them what Abraxo does to the human body.
Snip Snip: If you’ve got a c- c- clog that’s full of muck, trust Abraxo Draining Fluid t- t- to get it unstuck. It’s v- v- very poisonous.
Squirrel: Okay, you can walk out of here.
Lucy: Not just me. Them, too. [Squirrel presses button and row of cages open freeing Ghouls]
Ghoul: Hey, thank you.
Lucy: I said all of them.
Squirrel: Lady, those-those ones, you don’t understand... [Lucy fires dart in between Squirrel and Huey] Whoa. [Squirrel presses button and another row of cages open]
Lucy: Don’t be scared. You’re free. Go. [Latter freed Ghouls attack Squirrel and Huey killing them]

Lucy: I may end up looking like you, but I will never be like you. [Sets a handful of vials next to the Ghoul] Golden rule, motherfucker.

"The Past" [1.05]

[edit]
Thaddeus: I thought I had it. I thought I had it, I really did. I thought I had it. It was just like… [Mimics whooshing with Maximus laughing] When you ripped that thing inside out and its guts went flying everywhere? I thought I was dead meat. That was really special.
Maximus: [Distortedly] Yeah, it was kind of special.
Thaddeus: Wait. You should brand me.
Maximus: Uh, I don’t know.
Thaddeus: But I- I’m not officially your squire until you brand me.
Maximus: It’s late.
Thaddeus: Come on.
Maximus: Are you sure? It really hurts.
Thaddeus: I want you to. I want you to. Please.
Maximus: All right. Yeah, let’s do it.
Thaddeus: It is your most sacred duty to protect the Brotherhood. After which, it is your most sacred duty to protect me, Knight Titus. Do you accept?
Maximus: Oh, yeah. You bet I do. [Chuckles] Okay, hold still. [Sears Thaddeus's back with hot metal who screams and Maximus chuckles] Almost done.
Thaddeus: Oh... [Wails and grunts]
Maximus: Told you. It hurts.
Thaddeus: [Laughs] Oh... Oh, man. [groans] Still pretty hot. Ah, thank you, Knight Titus.
Maximus: Yep, yeah.
Thaddeus: I cannot wait to return to base and see the look on everyone’s faces when they see us return with the target. Oh, man. Titus and Thaddeus. The T-Boys! Yeah. [Exhales]
Thaddeus: Hey, look, uh... before we go back to the... [chuckles] to the base... there’s probably something I... I- I should tell you.
Thaddeus: Yeah. I mean, whatever you want. I’m officially your squire now. You can tell me anything. Goals, insecurities, thoughts, regrets. Love life stuff? I don’t care.
Maximus: Actually, it’s, uh... [lifts visor] Maximus.
Thaddeus: Uh- Uh, we can still be friends.
Thaddeus: What did you do? Where’s Knight Titus?
Maximus: Oh, he’s... he’s dead. So, you know... we... you and I, we- we just have to get our story straight before we go back.
Thaddeus: They’re gonna kill you.
Maximus: No, I mean, they don’t have to find out.
Thaddeus: It’s the Brotherhood! They’ll find out! I should have known better than to trust you!
Maximus: I’m sorry. [Steps on Thaddeus's foot to restrain him] Stop moving!
Thaddeus: [Grunts] Get off me! [Uses key to switch off Maximus mobile battle suit]
Maximus: Thadd... Thaddeus. No, don’t.. Don’t leave me in here. I’ll fucking kill you, Thaddeus!
Thaddeus: You should have! Can’t believe I let you fucking brand me!
Maximus: Thaddeus?! Don’t leave me here!
Thaddeus: [Grabs Siggi Wilzig's head] This stinky old head’s mine now! [Walks away with duffel bag]
Maximus: No! Get back here. Please. Please, please, no. Don’t leave me in here. Thaddeus! Get back here. Thaddeus! I’ll kill you! I swear I’ll kill you!

Maximus: [After Lucy eradicates mutant cockroaches off his suit] Hey. Can you please let me out of here?
Lucy: [Gasps] That was you, right? Back in Filly?
Maximus: Yes, that was... that was me.
Lucy: Why can’t you move?
Maximus: ‘Cause someone stole my fusion core. Please, c- can you please let me out?
Lucy: Believe me, I really want to trust you, but... I’ve had a rough week.
Maximus: Yeah. Me, too.
Lucy: You, uh, remember that, uh, man I left with, with the glasses and the wh-whole body?
Maximus: Yes.
Lucy: Yeah, I’m looking for his head. That’s why I’m here, that’s, um... I mean, that’s why I’m passing through. [Grunts]
Maximus: Hey. You have radiation sickness. I got, I got RadAway left in the sleeve of my armor. You can have it if you let me out. [panting]
Lucy: I really want to believe you, but... practically every person I’ve met up here has tried to kill me, so...
Maximus: Listen. Hey. You don’t get this medicine, you’re gonna pass out. Okay? And if you lose consciousness, we’re both gonna die. Trust me, please.
Lucy: Please. What’s your name?
Maximus: I’m Knight Titus.
Lucy: I’m Lucy.
Maximus: There’s a manual option, you just...
Lucy: I got it. [Observing Maximus's mobile battle suit] The T-60, right? The Army started using these after the Battle of Anchorage. I’ve seen these in old engineering manuals but never in real life. And you’ve even got the tempered lining in this one, which is... [Lucy passes out with Maximus catching her]

Davey: [Turns to see Reg in a voting booth line up] I’m sorry, Reg. I just feel that in times of crisis... you need someone with experience.
Reg: Hey, it’s your vote. No hard feelings, Davey.
Davey: Yeah. [Turns around then back again] You know, with the water crisis and the prisoners a- and just all the uncertainty...
Reg: Really, it’s fine. We vote in private booths for a reason.
Davey: Right. [Turns around then back again pointing with voter card] And Betty’s already been overseer once.
Reg: Mm. [Motions to Davey for his turn at voting booth] Oh.
Davey: I’m gonna vote for Betty.
Reg: I got that impression.

Lucy: [Walking along train tracks] At this rate, we’ll have caught up by sundown. Hey, can I ask you a favor?
Maximus: Okay.
Lucy: Can you tell me what’s happened in the last 200 years?
Maximus: What do you mean?
Lucy: Just the last 200 years. Like a- a quick rundown. I know about the Great War and the bombs falling, and the 320 years of American history before then. I just need help with the last 200 years. After the bombs fell.
Maximus: The bombs fell when I was a kid.
Lucy: Is that what they tell you in your Brotherhood?
Maximus: You’re the one who grew up in a box underground. Also, you thought you would show up to some warlord with no armor, no help, and expect him to just turn over a hostage to you? Did you really think that that would work?
Lucy: I had the head.
Maximus: Yeah, but we don’t even know what’s in it.
Lucy: That’s true. Look, I... I come from a place where the world is what you make of it. Okay? It’s not like up here. We’re naive down there. Up until I was six, I really thought that the big light on our farm was the sun. My mom used to take me to play out under that light, and I swear I could feel the sun baking my skin. After my mom was gone, I realized it was just her that made it all feel so real. So, like, Earth is round, Earth is flat. Where are you guys on that these days? So, you guys use prewar technology to find and collect prewar technology to make sure no one has prewar technology?
Maximus: I mean... [chuckles] yeah.
Lucy: Well, when you say it like that, I mean, yeah, it’s... [Maximus spots a couple walking onwards on train track and Lucy laughs] it’s weird. [Lucy realizes what Maximus is staring at]
Javin: You armed?
Maximus: No.
Lucy: Yes, we are. Are you armed?
Javin: No.
Lucy: We’re just gonna walk on by. That okay with you?
Javin: It’s fine.
Maximus: [Quietly] Give me your gun.
Lucy: What? No.
Rink; Okay, we’re walking towards you.
Lucy: There’s no one here but us and them.
Maximus: It’s not safe. Give me your gun.
Lucy: They said they’re not armed.
Maximus: They’re lying. You’re lying.
Javin: What’s happening over there?
Lucy: Yeah, we’re just being careful. You can come on through.
Rink: Are you trying to fuck us?
Maximus: [Quietly] The gun.
Lucy: Okay, uh, I think we’re all feeling some tension. Yeah? A little stress? [nervous chuckle] Uh, so why don’t we all take a deep breath? [Nervously chuckles]
Javin: What the fuck are you talking about?!
Lucy: [Deeply exhales] Oh, okay, uh... we’re gonna do this. Um... How about on the count of three we all raise up our arms?
Javin: We already said we don’t have any weapons.
Maximus: And neither do we!
Lucy: Well, either way, could we... could we just give it a try? Please? Okay. Great. Uh, hands up on the count of three. Ready? One... Two... Three. [The couple attempts to shoot them with Maximus grabbing Lucy's gun finishing off both of them] Wh- Why?!
Maximus: [Lifts up their jackets to find knives] Fiends. Should’ve known.
Lucy: [Panting] You’ve been shot.
Maximus: It’s just a scratch. Happens all the time.
Lucy: What’s a fiend?
Maximus: It’s people who eat people.
Lucy: I hate it up here.

Maximus: Where are we?
Lucy: It’s okay. We’ll be all right.
Maximus: What is this place?
Lucy: We’re in the best place in the world. We’re in a vault.

"The Trap" [1.06]

[edit]
Lucy: [To The Ghoul] I may end up looking like you... but I'll never be like you. Golden Rule, motherfucker.

Troy: Destroying a legitimate business? That's illegal round these parts.
The Ghoul: Says who?
Troy: The government.

Dr. Wilzig: You are a vault dweller, but if you're going to survive, you need to start acting like a surface dweller. Question is, will you still want the same things when you have become a different animal altogether?

Bud Askins: Mr. Howard. Mr. Howard.
Sebastian Leslie: Bud Askins.
Bud Askins: Right.

Sorrel Booker: Well, shit.
The Ghoul: Why, Sorrel Booker. [Both laughs]
Sorrel Booker: I heard it was a ghoul that fucked up that Super Duper Mart. Nobody told me it was the ghoul.
The Ghoul: Mm. Mm.
Sorrel Booker: You boys know who you just brought in? This sumbitch right here used to be the best bounty hunter to ever shoot a man in the ass.
The Ghoul: Kids these days don’t know their goddamn history. Say, you got a needle and thread?
Sheriff: [Scoffs] Sorry, we don’t do a lot of knitting ’round here.
The Ghoul: It’s called sewing. I think I got some in my bag. [Grunts softly] Would you mind? Aw, come on now, Sorrel, we old friends, ain’t we?
Sorrel Booker: Look at you. 200 years. I don’t know what keeps you going. Maybe you just like the feeling of that good old California sunshine on your wrinkly-ass face. Or maybe you’re still looking for her.
The Ghoul: Well, Sorrel... I can confidently cross one reason off that list for you. I sure as hell ain’t still alive so that I can have unintelligent conversations with dipshits like yourself.
Sheriff Troy: Mind your fucking mouth. That’s the president of the government you’re talking to.
The Ghoul: Oh.. you a president now?
Sorrel Booker: Don’t see why not.
The Ghoul: Well, then you might want to hire a publicist. ‘Cause this is the first I’m hearing about this outfit. Now, what I am hearing is a whole lot of chatter about some woman. Name of Moldaver. They call her the Flame Mother. Now, that bitch is dangerous.
Sorrel Booker: Well, when it comes to leadership these days, dangerous is what they call a prerequisite. Somebody’s got to step up and bring some order around here. You know why these boys brought you in?
The Ghoul: ‘Cause I fucked up a poor, defenseless gang-affiliated organ dealership?
Sorrel Booker: Yep.
The Ghoul: Mm.
Sorrel Booker: Now, I’ve always liked you. Well, I’ve always liked you.
The Ghoul: Well, ain’t that sweet? But that Super Duper Mart you gutted was under our protection.
Sorrel Booker: So, if I wanted to let you go scot-free, folks might lose faith about what we’re trying to do here. And then what?
The Ghoul: Anarchy in the streets.
Sorrel Booker: Exactly. Now, you got anything to say in your defense?
The Ghoul: Guilty as charged. Just like that. Just like that. Now, if you need any more evidence, I can tell you about this town I just shot up, Filly. Oh, I must have killed nine or ten people.
Sheriff Troy: My daddy lives in Filly.
The Ghoul: Well, not no more he don’t, unless he’s a coward. [Sheriff raises his rifle at The Ghoul]
Sorrel Booker: Don’t take the bait, son.
The Ghoul: Well, I ain’t fishing. I’m just trying to game this out, now. In my experience, the apple tends not to fall too far from the tree. Is that true in your case?
Sheriff Troy: My daddy ain’t no coward.
The Ghoul: Well, then I guess the only question is... are you?
Sorrel Booker: Sheriff Rex. Take Sheriff Troy’s guns away. [Rex complies]
The Ghoul: Very presidential of you.
Sorrel Booker: Take him out back and feed him to the hogs. [The Ghoul grunts as Sheriff Rex manhandles him out of his chair who headbutts Troy and uses Rex's gun to shoot Troy and then liberally shoots both sheriffs]
Sorrel Booker: Goddamn it!
The Ghoul: I got one question for you, ol’ buddy. Why... do you have this picture on your wall?
Sorrel Booker: That’s Moldaver. Why?
The Ghoul: Well, that’s not how I remember her, is all.
Sorrel Booker: Yeah? Well, how do you remember her?

Lucy: Titus?! We need to talk...
Titus: Yes.
Lucy: You were right about this place.
Titus: No. You were right. Check this out. These are called oysters. You want one? They make you feel so good. You want to make my cock explode now?
Lucy: What?
Titus: Sorry, intercourse?
Lucy: No, Titus. No, we need to leave. Right now. These people are insane.
Titus: Yeah, they’re like you. A little weird, but nice.
Lucy: No.
Titus: Plus, my arm. You know, I really... I ought to give it a little more time.
Lucy: Okay. Titus, look, I get why you’d want to stay. Okay? I really do, I… I know this must all seem really nice compared to the-the shoot show that’s up there. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go back on our deal and- and just be somewhere that is good and safe. But this isn’t it.
Titus: They gave me a robe.
Lucy: I know.
Titus: And slippers.
Lucy: These people are hiding something from us and I’m gonna prove it to you, okay? I’m not leaving without you.

Cooper Howard: [Sneaks up and hugs Barb from behind]
Barb Howard: Ooh!
Cooper Howard: Mmm.
Barb Howard: I’m at work.
Cooper Howard: Oh, how ’bout we clock out?
Barb Howard: [Chuckles] Oh.
Cooper Howard: Huh? Nothing against these colleagues of yours, but what do you say you and me knock back a couple of piña coladas by the pool, listen to the hi-fi.
Barb Howard: Mm. There is a wrap party.
Cooper Howard: What, a... a wrap party? For this?
Barb Howard: Yes.
Cooper Howard: [Sighs] All right. We go for a couple of hours, we shake a few hands…
Barb Howard: It’s at our house.
Cooper Howard: [Sighs] The things I’m willing to do for you never cease to amaze me.
Barb Howard: Mm.

Cooper Howard: [To dog] Roosevelt, I’m sorry. You can’t come, buddy. I’m heading into enemy territory. [Whispers] You be a good dog. Go to bed.

Waitress: Would you mind, you know, doing the butler voice? From the show?
Sebastian Leslie: All right. I only do it for close friends and beautiful women, but you two are already halfway there.
Waitresses: [Laughs] Stop it.
Sebastian Leslie: “I, Bartholomew Codsworth, am ever ready to serve.” [Sebastian laughs] Perhaps when you finish your shift, we could head up and party in the hot tub. What do you think of that?
Waitresses: Oh, no, no. No, thank you.
Sebastian Leslie: No? [Mutters] Okay. All right. Excuse me. Your wine.
Cooper Howard: Well, shit, Seabass. You might be the only one of my invites who actually showed up.
Sebastian Leslie: [Laughs] Yeah. Fucking Hollywood Reds. I’m telling you, radicalism is sweeping through Hollywood like a bad case of the clap. Not our usual scene, I’ll give you that.
Cooper Howard: No, it is not. I think our Hollywood actor friends don’t want to be seen celebrating with the pitchman for the end of the world.
Sebastian Leslie: Oh, you don’t know the half of it. You hear I lost a movie over these ads? Yeah, showed up to set, the actors wouldn’t come out of their trailers. Bonnie Lewis said it was on moral grounds.
Cooper Howard: Bonnie Lewis?
Sebastian Leslie: She’s done more ads than a fucking billboard.
Cooper Howard: Yeah.
Sebastian Leslie: Fucking Hollywood Reds. I’m telling you, radicalism is sweeping through Hollywood like a bad case of the clap. Even got your friend, Charlie Whiteknife.
Cooper Howard: Are you kidding me? Charlie? I served with that guy.
Sebastian Leslie: They have meetings and everything. It’s a shit show. But you, my friend, you know which way the wind is blowing.
Cooper Howard: And it’s that... a world run by people who wear pocket protectors to a pool party.
Nerd: ...about delivery platforms.
Sebastian Leslie: Yeah, you might be right about that. I mean, I’ve dipped my bits in the same gravy train. Sold my vocal rights to that spinning robot they sell to housewives and perverts. Guess how much they paid me for that.
Cooper Howard: Ten million?
Sebastian Leslie: No, I got 186, pre-tax.
Cooper Howard: Maybe you could’ve asked for more.
Sebastian Leslie: Well, I did ask for more.
Cooper Howard: And what did they say?
Sebastian Leslie: My agent got them to throw in one of those robots. [Laughs] The fuck were they thinking? Every time I walk into my own house, my own voice saying, “Hello, sir, do you want to sit down?” [Laughs] It’s fucking awful!
Cooper Howard: I thought the studio owned that character.
Sebastian Leslie: They did. And then RobCo bought the studio.
Cooper Howard: Mm.
Sebastian Leslie: Listen to me, Hollywood is the past. Forget Hollywood. The future, my friend, is products. You're a product. I'm a product. The end of the world is a product. And for those of us who can successfully embrace that, I'd say the future is golden.
Cooper Howard: [Holds out glass] To the future.
Sebastian Leslie: [Clinks glass] To the future.

"The Radio" [1.07]

[edit]
[Adam and his son walk into their house to find The Ghoul eating a dinner plate being served by his prepubescent daughter Sandra]
The Ghoul: Thank you, darling. [Realizes Adam's assumption of him with Sandra] Oh, wait. You thought...? [Laughs] Come on, now.
Adam: Sandra, wait outside.
The Ghoul: Lead farming, huh? Why, hell, I probably still got some of your lead in me somewhere. [Sighs] But today... I’m just looking for information.
Adam: I’ll tell you anything, as long as you leave us in peace.
The Ghoul: Say, am I out of date, or did I hear you had three kids? I had an older son, but he’s gone.
Tommy: He took up with that madwoman in the hills two years ago. We haven’t heard from him since.
The Ghoul: Hmm. There’s always some new little faction, ain’t there? Brand-new team of believers with their own dumbass ideas about how they gonna save the world. What did you say the name of your eldest was? Was it Roofus?
Adam: I didn’t say...
The Ghoul: That must make you Tommy.
Adam: What did you do? What is that envelope?
The Ghoul: Well, you see, daddy-o... now, from what I can tell... [clears throat] Old Roofus got Tommy here mixed up with that madwoman, too. [Holds up paper] Now, according to this, Roofus sent Tommy a stash of caps to pay a courier for “the safe transport of an Enclave defector” to that very same madwoman in the hills. Moldaver. But my problem is, by the time I got this letter off your brother, it was a little bit hard to read. For some reason, I just can’t make out her location. Now, you give me that location, and I’ll be on my way.
Tommy: [Whispers] I’m sorry.
Adam: Tell him, son. Just tell him.
Tommy: I didn’t want to spend my life digging through dirt. I want to build something, and we have the chance…
Adam: Tell him what he wants to know! Or else he’s gonna kill us all! Including your little sister.
The Ghoul: Huh.
Tommy: She’s... she’s at the Observatory.
Adam: Now, please, leave us.
The Ghoul: So, what you think, Tommy? Am I really walking out of here today, or are you gonna try and draw on me for what I did to your big brother?
Adam: He won’t.
The Ghoul: Maybe not today, but maybe someday. [Tommy reaches for a shotgun on a beam with The Ghoul shooting him fatally]
Adam: Tommy! [The Ghoul then walks out past Adam holding Tommy]

Moldaver Williams: [Giving a church sermon] What is it about California, that we all came to this place? [Inhales deeply] Maybe it’s the sunshine. Maybe it’s the friendly people. When you think of the promise of the American Dream, you think of California. But it is just a dream. It’s not real. We were told the atom bomb meant the end of war. That didn’t work out, did it? We were told America’s always getting better, it’s always moving toward a better future. But the future is getting closer, and we can see it. Their “better future” is a cliff’s edge. And it’s coming up fast, isn’t it? [Sighs] These soldiers that we’re fighting abroad, their families, we have more in common with them than we do with the people here in power, the real enemy.
Cooper Howard: That’s about all the horseshit I can take.
Charles Whiteknife: Coop. Coop, come on. [Congregationalists murmurs with Howard getting up and walking to door]
Moldaver Williams: Mr. Howard? [Cooper sighs] I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.
Cooper Howard: [Stops and turns around] I said that, um... this is about all the horseshit I can take.
Moldaver Williams: I didn’t realize that America’s favorite gunslinger was so sensitive. [Congregationalists chuckles]
Cooper Howard: I have my principles, Miss Williams, that’s all.
Moldaver Williams: Uh-huh. And those principles of yours... how much did Vault-Tec pay to take them off your hands?
Cooper Howard: Well, this is America. Everybody has a sponsor, and, uh, I’m not ashamed to earn a living.
Moldaver Williams: Vault-Tec is the largest company in America. There’s a lot of money in selling the end of the world.
Cooper Howard: Well, I’m sure there’s a lot of money in selling a political ideology that ends in breadlines.
Congregationalist woman: Fascist.
Charles Whiteknife: Okay, uh, sorry, this was a mistake. We’ll be leaving.
Moldaver Williams: Oh, no, I’m-I’m quite glad you brought Mr. Howard today. You see, it happens that I know your wife. And perhaps a side of her you don’t.
...
Cooper Howard: [Walking in hallway with Moldaver] How do you know my wife?
Moldaver Williams: My research company was acquired by her division. We were developing this kind of technology that’s... difficult to monetize. Cold fusion. Infinite energy. That’s what I was on the verge of achieving when Vault-Tec swept in and bought up every company I’d ever worked for.
Cooper Howard: Every one of them? So, what are you, a millionaire communist?
Moldaver Williams: Hypocrisy is like violence in your movies. If you only let the bad guys use it, the bad guys win.
Cooper Howard: Yeah? I, uh, I got a little showbiz secret for you. A good bad guy doesn’t see themselves as the bad guy.
Moldaver Williams: America has been locked in a resource war for over a decade. Vault-Tec bought the means to end that war, the same war you fought in, so they could put it on the shelf. All because it didn’t fit into their business model. [Holds out listening device] I want your help in getting it back.
Cooper Howard: What is it?
Moldaver Williams: It’s a listening device.
Cooper Howard: A listening device. You... you want me to spy on my wife? [Softly chuckles] Good luck with the revolution.
Moldaver Williams: You can keep it. As a token. I’m not a communist, Mr. Howard. That’s just a dirty word they use to describe people who aren’t insane.

[Lucy is bound to a table before a court of raucous spectators]
Birdie: We are all survivors here. Lucky enough to have found this sanctum of peace. Of tolerance. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what you believe. You deserve safety. Unless... you threaten that peace.
Overseer Benjamin: [Picks up sword and brings it to Lucy] For causing harm to a fellow survivor, you are hereby sentenced to death... [Lucy whimpers when Maximus raises the sword] by banishment to the surface! [Gently saws Lucy's binds] It’s almost there. [Realizes sword is too dull ]Need to get that sharpened, please. [Hands sword to Birdie, clears throat and manually breaks Lucy's binds]
Spectators: Yeah!
Lucy: You’re just... letting me go?
Overseer Benjamin: Well, that’s certainly an optimistic perspective. You’ll be killed almost immediately on the surface by Lord knows what. That’s why we’re giving you two weeks of supplies to take with you. [Cathy brings box of bottled cola] Thank you, Cathy.
Cathy: Sure. [Walks away]
Overseer Benjamin: After that, you are on your own, Goosey.
Lucy: Uh... that’s, uh... that’s... really nice of you guys.
Overseer Benjamin: Okay, and now it is time to be moving along.
Lucy: Can I just ask you one thing?
Overseer Benjamin: Obviously, someone will carry the supplies to the surface for you.
Lucy: My friend really likes it here. And he’s a good person. He deserves to be somewhere nice and safe, like this. I know that I’m not really in the position to be asking favors. [Chuckles] But... can he stay? [Spectators gasps]

Snake oil salesman: [Running after Thaddeus] Excuse me!
Thaddeus: Aah!
Snake oil salesman: Don’t kill me. I’m a doctor. I can help you. Haven’t run into many people traveling with a human head.
Thaddeus: Oh, this? It’s not... It’s nothing really, it’s more of a... I have to... It’s a souvenir kind of thing.
Snake oil salesman: Oh, yeah? [Walking through semi-sand-submerged house window] Welcome to my humble pharmacy. Have a seat, my dear boy, and let’s take a look at that tattered tootsy of yours. [Thaddeus takes off boot and sock] Oh... Oh. I’ve seen this condition before.
Thaddeus: Uh, someone stepped on my foot.
Snake oil salesman: Yes. Sometimes fatal. But you’re in luck, ’cause I’ve got the cure. [Turns to table of medicines] I have, in my possession, serums and potions for every malady and misfortune that could possibly beset a wandering traveler such as yourself.
Thaddeus: [Salesman hears Thaddeus's pistol hammer clicks and sees raising his pistol at him from mirror] What’s stopping me from just killing you and taking your whole thing of drugs?
Snake oil salesman: Well, when it comes to serums, not many people know the difference between the noxious and the benign. A murky hue of green could aid the humors. A brackish tint of shamrock, and... [blows raspberry] That’s the sound of your lower intestine falling right the fuck out. [Waves vials in both hands] But which is which? Which is which...
Thaddeus: Fine. Just give me the right one.
Snake oil salesman: Okay. Before we start, there’s the small matter of my fee.
Thaddeus: I don’t have caps, but.. [Produces fusion core]
Snake oil salesman: Oh, my. Is- is that a.. fusion core? You don’t see those around much anymore, do you? But, if you do want to survive... not a bad trade.
Thaddeus: Okay, here.
Snake oil salesman: Okay, let’s get started. This elixir I have concocted heals all. And I mean everything. But I must warn you, the taste: not great.
Thaddeus: Just give it!
Snake oil salesman: Okay. [Thaddeus inhales sharply with Salesman laughing heartily] I’m sorry!
Thaddeus: But the results...
Snake oil salesman: Yes? The results! [Thaddeus gasps as his foots heals immediately]
Thaddeus: Holy shit. Holy shit! Ah, thank you!
Snake oil salesman: Sure thing, buddy boy! Ah... [Slams briefcase shut]

Maximus: [To Lucy] You smell good.
Lucy: What? Oh. You want to have sex?
Maximus: You mean; use my cock?
Lucy: Yeah.
Maximus: I don’t know. Uh, that weird thing could happen.
Lucy: What weird thing?
Maximus: Well, it’s just, for some guys... not me... uh, but for some guys, you know, when they make it move, it gets all big and hard like a big pimple and then it pops. And they say it can happen to anybody, but it’s still, it’s... it’s gross.
Lucy: You know, that’s... uh, that’s actually completely normal. It happens all the time. Every time, ideally.
Maximus: I’m a knight. Um, a knight of the Brotherhood. We’re- we’re not supposed to.
Lucy: Okey-dokey.

"The Beginning" [1.08]

[edit]
Quintus: [Maximus walks before Quintus on his throne with Lee taking Siggi Wilzig's head to Quintus] You’re wearing the Knight’s red. Where’s your Knight?
Maximus: He’s dead.
Quintus: This is not the first time a Brother in your company has fallen into misfortune... is it? [A cleric uses radio counter to scan Siggi Wilzig's head] I fear you lied then.
Cleric: No artifact, m’lord.
Quintus: Just as you lie now.
Maximus: [Repeatedly] Wait! [Groans as knights force Maximus to knees]
Lee Moldaver: Please, listen to me! I can get you the real head.
Quintus: Confess.
Maximus: Don’t kill me and I can lead you to it! [Pants and groans] I can help you!
Lee Moldaver: Please, m’lord. My injury was my own doing. Not his.
Maximus: Please... please, I know where the head is!
Lee Moldaver: For the sake of the Brotherhood, please listen to him! [Maximus pants heavily]
Quintus: Such a display of loyalty. Don’t see that much anymore. [Speaking to Maximus in private] You think you’re the first squire who coveted his Knight’s armor? How did Titus die?
Maximus: He died running.
Quintus: [Sighs softly] The Brotherhood has lost its way. We once ruled the Wasteland... and yet power is taken, not given. A lesson you seem to have learned. So, if what you say is true, and you can lead us to the relic, then together, you and I, we will take power. And with it... we will start a new Brotherhood. With me as its head, and the likes of you as its sword. Your entire life, you’ve been looking for a home. Build one with me.

Mr. House: You're talking about long-term investment, based on a hypothetical. How can you guarantee results?
Barb Howard: By dropping the bomb ourselves.
[...]
Barb Howard: A nuclear event would be a tragedy, but also an opportunity. Perhaps the greatest opportunity in history, because when we are the only ones left, there will be no one left to fight. A true monopoly. This is our chance to make war obsolete, because in our current societal configuration, which took shape without intentional guidance, we have friction, we have conflict, and we have war. And war, well... war never changes.
[edit]