Femme Fatales (TV series)

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Femme Fatales is an anthology TV series, inspired by the men's magazine of the same name, with each episode following on antihero woman, intercut with softcore pornographic scenes, produced and aired by Cinemax. Lilith (Tanit Phoenix) introduces each episode Rod Serling-style and occasionally appears within the narrative. Some characters make encore appearances in later episodes. Unlike most shows that feature porn actors, Femme Fatales features mainstream actors - such as Richard Kind, Adam Goldberg, Paul Mazursky, Ryan Bittle, Robert LaSardo, Stephan Macht, William Gregory Lee, Dean Haglund, Charlie O'Connell, Daniel Bess, Angus Scrimm, Carrie Genzel, Ellie Cornell, Neil Hopkins in season 1, and Antonio Sabato Jr., Kyle Gass, Leilani Sarelle, Chris Mulkey, Scheana Marie, John Enos III, Vivica A. Fox, Sandra McCoy, Jeffrey Combs, Robert Picardo, Ashley Hamilton, Nikki Griffin, Eric Roberts, Kate Luyben, Steve Railsback, Paul Rae, Jes Macallan, Casper Van Dien, Jeff Fahey, and Betsy Rue in season 2.

Season 1 Season 2
Behind Locked Doors 16 Minutes of Fame
Bad Medicine Gun Twisted
Something Like Murder Trophy Wife
Speed Date Extracurricular Activities
The White Flower Killer Instinct
Girls Gone Dead Bad Science
Haunted Family Business
Angels & Demons Jail Break
Help Me, Rhonda Crazy Mary
The Clinic One Man's Death
Till Death Do Us Part Hell Hath No Furies
Visions, Part 1 Libra
Visions, Part 2
CastExternal links

Season 1[edit]

Behind Locked Doors[edit]

Lilith: Prison can be a very scary place – survival of the fittest and all that. What's a spoiled young Hollywood actress to do when thrown into the tank with all those sharks? Those are just the prison guards. No, Lacey Rivers is going to have to rely on her one skill she can count on – her acting. You don't get $5 million a picture without any talent. Behind these locked doors, our little Lacey is about to give the performance of her life.

Lilith: Watch any Lacey Rivers movie, and you will always be treated to a happy ending. Well, poor Lacey. She's about to discover that real life rarely turns out like a G-rated family film. Karma can be such a bitch.

Bad Medicine[edit]

Lilith: [in a nurse's uniform] All superheroes have a story of origin, from an awkward teenager that's bitten by a radioactive spider, a daring test pilot that's bestowed a very powerful ring, an alien from the planet Krypton that crash-lands on Earth. A femme fatale, you see, well, she's cut from similar cloth. Some women are born to be empowered and dangerous and they embrace it according to their nature. Well, the essence of a femme fatale may be lying dormant, just waiting for fate to see her free.

Lilith: [still in her nurse's uniform] It looks like Greg is in for an electrifying experience. And as for our sweet Nurse Violet, she's blossomed into quite a woman – a newly-minted femme fatale in control of her own destiny and administering her own dose of bad medicine.

Something Like Murder[edit]

Lilith: Whenever you find a rich man, you are bound to find a gold-digger waiting to take him for everything he's got. Well, tonight, somewhere in these Hollywood hills, this gold-digger really was using a shovel. It's been said the taste of evil smells like honeysuckle. I wouldn't argue with that, but tonight, there is a distinct smell in the air and it smells like murder.

Lilith: Poor Darla. She thought she'd planned the perfect murder, but greed makes suckers of all of us. There is no easy way to make money in this economy. Unless, of course, you're Elena Machado, a hard-working cleaning woman, who just got a very, very big severance package. I guess it's safe to say she won't be coming to work on Monday.

Speed Date[edit]

Kevin Freeman: I like a woman who knows herself. Confidence is beauty. There's nothing lovelier than a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. An independent woman, with a spry personality and an old soul. That's the one for me. I'm Troy. When I'm in the outdoors, it's about freedom. I read. Losing myself in the pages of a good book is pure nirvana. Like an hour-long bubble bath, with bath bombs from bliss. My best friends are Charlie Parker and John Coltrane. Without them, I am lost. Simply put: their music is the soundtrack of my life. Yeah, I know I'm good-looking, but that's not worth a hill of beans unless you find the right girl to spend life's special moments with. And let me tell you: In this town, it's been tough to find that special someone. If you're confident, if you're independent, if you're open-minded, passionate, genuine, creative, funny... if you think you're her, and you think we'll click, please, contact me. DocTroy77. Thank you, Doctor Troy. Ladies, all of our lines are open.

Lilith: We all tell little white lies. We lie about our height, our weight, where we've been and where we're going. And tonight, video game developer Kevin Freeman is about to discover that when his fantasy turns into reality, honesty, in fact, may be the best policy as his little white lies get him into a world of trouble.

The White Flower[edit]

Lilith: Money. It's been said it is the root of all evil. Well, tonight, in this seedy motel room, two men are about to find out that it's the devil's honest truth – that when the fickle finger of fate points in your direction, the most innocuous omen may be the harbinger of doom, and it may come in the most enticing package with a heart that beats of pure deceit. So tonight, I bequeath to you "The White Flower".

Girls Gone Dead[edit]

Lilith: [in a school uniform] Psychologists believe that the brain doesn't stop maturing until we're well into our twenties. So what does that mean for a girl who's turned 18? Legally, she's an adult, yet she still has a brain that's... well, let's just say a brain that's not fully cooked. [giggles] I guess that's why you can say we go away to college. It's like an incubator. A place to keep our bodies safe and our brains baking. Until we're able to make informed intelligent choices. But what happens when our bodies are ready, willing and able, yet our minds are not mature enough to make these right decisions, especially when faced with a friendly smile and irresistible temptations like... a T-shirt, or worse, plastic beads? You can't expect a girl, whose body that's trying to catch up to its brain, to understand concepts like consequences, particularly with a little booze involved, and some soft light and a charming man with a camera.

Jay Roma: I guarantee there is not a hotter party in the world and no place I'd rather be than right here with the girls of Theta Alpha Nu! Ten smoking hot coeds and yours truly! I got a feeling we're gonna see some truly Crazy Chixx! Let's find out just how crazy!

Jay: I have a strict policy; I don't... participate.
Alexis: Why not?
Jay: I built my brand on Crazy Chixx, not on some dirtbag trying to get with them.
Tiffany: You've never been in one of your videos?
Jay: No. Never. It would ruin my reputation.

Kip: Nobody lives here.
Erida: Of course we live here; it's our sorority house.
Kip: This is no sorority. Nobody lives here... and that's water!
Erida: Water is the source of all life.
Kip: Why are all the vodka bottles filled with water?!
Erida: We don't wanna be drunk for this.
Kip: Who are you?

Jay: Where the hell is Kip?
Erida: My fault. Sorry.
Jay: Well, where the hell is he?
Erida: Let's just say his willpower lost this time.
Jay: Kip, you're fired!!
Erida: Don't blame him! He couldn't resist.
Jay: Well, what happened? What'd you do? Jeez! He knows better! To hell with him. You know how to work this thing?
Emily: Hell, yeah.
Jay: Good. Come on! I wanna make this lousy bastard sorry.
Tiffany: We have just the thing.

Jay: Uh, all right, look, this is getting kinda dangerous. Tiffany?
Tiffany: I'm getting kind of used to that name. It's got a nice ring to it. My real name is Jessica. But you wouldn't remember that, would you, Jay? Tiffany, well... it's just a variation of a Greek name. Tisiphone. She was a goddess... the goddess of vengeance.
Jay: All right, uh... Kip!!
Tiffany: But I thought you wanted to meet Caroline.
Jay: Screw Caroline!
Tiffany: You already did!! You got me and Caroline drunk. Really drunk. Then you gave us some money. And then you ruined our lives! We had to drop out of school, change our names, and no matter where we moved or what we did, we could not get away from what we did for you! Of course, I handled it a lot better than she did.

Kip: I know you. Your name's not Erida, is it?
Erida: Very good, Kip. I'm gonna give you a little lesson in Greek mythology. You see, Erida was a Greek goddess... the goddess of hate. She could only be appeased once blood was spilled.
Kip: What are you gonna do?
Erida: Isn't it obvious?

Alexis: By the way, I'm Ashley. When you filmed me, that was my name.
Tiffany: It was her brilliant idea to use Greek names.
Alexis: Alexis, from the Greek name Alecto.
Erida: The goddess of unresting.
Alexis: I haven't rested since I met you, Jay.
Erida: Ash graduated magna cum laude in Ancient Greek. She's a member of Mensa, bonehead.
Alexis: I have a feeling I'll rest tonight.
Jay: What do you want?! What do you want?!!
Erida: Isn't it obvious?
Tiffany: We all appeared in your videos. Now it's your turn to be in ours.

Jay: Okay. All right. I know what you're doing, you dumb bitches! You think you're gonna embarrass me?! You think you're gonna film me and make me look like an idiot and ruin my reputation?! When I get out of here, you're gonna be dead! To hell with you, and to hell with your harlot friend Caroline!
Emily: And to think I had second thoughts about this.
Tiffany: I told you it would be worth it.
Jay: I'm gonna sue you! I oughta sue you for everything you've got! You wanna film me?! You wanna film me? Go ahead and film me, you stupid harlots!
Tiffany: Come on. Let's go upstairs and clean up.
Jay: Wait!
Tiffany: Congrats, Jay. This will definitely be your biggest hit ever.
Jay: Where are you going? Hey. Hey, come back here! No! Come back! Please! Hey! Come back...! [coughs and chokes] Hey! Help! Help!

Lilith: [giggles] Luckily, most people can't speak Greek. If Kip or Jay did, they may recognize that Theta Alpha Nu are the first three letters of the word Thanatos. That's Greek for death. Clever girls. Jay Roma. Made his first million at the age of 25. Made his first hundred million by the age of 32. But by 35, 20 million hits on his very last video. I guess these chicks are crazier than what he ever dreamed. And as the Greeks say – Kali nichta. Good night.


Lilith: Five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, a swimming pool and a bonus guest house. This house would be a real steal, if it weren't haunted. But how could you prove that? Or disprove it? And would you live in a house with that kind of storied reputation? Would you even spend one night? Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Lilith: Do you believe in ghosts or demons? Do you think it's possible for them to enter our world? Maybe the next time you meet a girl that seems too good to be true, she may very well be the ultimate femme fatale. [slowly fades away into thin air]

Angel & Demons[edit]

Lilith: The animal kingdom is a fiercely violent domain. Animals kill for food, for territory and for survival. But there is one animal that's known to kill for pleasure – man. We live in a world populated by angels and demons. You're about to meet both.

Help Me, Rhonda[edit]

Lilith: You all know Camille Gardner – a beautiful woman who, like so many, got married too young, too soon. Well, now she's living a life she never imagined for herself with an abusive husband and aimless existence. Oh, and her world's about to get so much worse. Tango's beautiful, isn't she? Well, get ready, 'cause you're about to meet some animals that aren't nearly as pretty.

[Camille Gardner, in a bathrobe, finds Rhonda Temple in a red one-piece swimsuit, sitting outside in a lounge chair right next to a swimming pool]
Camille Gardner: What the hell are you smiling about?
Rhonda Temple: I'm just thinking about our future.
Camille: [sits down right next to Rhonda] I guess you'll be thinking about our recent past.
Rhonda: Why bother? What's done is done. [removes Camille's hair braid and strokes her hair] I'm looking to spend my future with you.
Camille: Some woman came, asking for Eddie.
Rhonda: So?
Camille: I'm worried. She sounded like she was supposed to meet him here. If I were you, I'd be very concerned.
Rhonda: Why? When you can worry for the both of us? That's what you're good at, right?
Camille: You know, I should sit in the sun.
Rhonda: What for, when you can go for a swim? [removes Camille's robe, revealing her in a green one-piece swimsuit]

Lilith: [as a police detective] Mrs. Camille Gardner? Do you know what this is? Your house has been under surveillance for the past month. So you are under arrest for the murder of your husband. Now do not lie to us. Things will go a lot easier for you. Start by telling us where we can find Rhonda Temple.
Camille: [referring to Rhonda Temple] If we're under surveillance for a month, how come you don't know where she is? I have no idea where she is.

Lacey Rivers: So why are you here?
Camille: I killed my husband. Stabbed him in the chest six times.

The Clinic[edit]

Lilith: [in a doctor's uniform] Everyone wants to believe that they are going to live forever – that that tremor in their heart, the few extra pounds added over the holidays and the labored breathing after a morning run are all perfectly normal. [chuckles] But what happens when you find out they're not? What happens when you realize the life that you've been leading has an expiration date? What would you do to change that? Would you make the same choice that Logan Cale is about to make? And at what price?

Lilith: They say home is where the heart is, and unfortunately, for Logan Cale, this was all too true, proving you can truly buy anything for the right price. And if there's a moral to tonight's story and you find yourself sick and bedridden and might need to resort to desperate measures for a cure, I make this very humble suggestion: get a second opinion.

Till Death Do Us Part[edit]

Lilith: [in a one-piece swimsuit and sarong with a flower in her hair and a Hawaiian tropical drink in her hand] Aloha! I see you've met Rachel Worth. Poor thing. Can you believe it's her wedding day? Certainly not a very auspicious start. A bride needs something borrowed, something blue, but certainly not something dead. I guess the silver lining in all of this is the corpse is not the man she's planning to marry. But with her ceremony on a private beach near Waikiki looming in six hours, she best fix this little hiccup that's threatening her big day. [puts down her drink and walks up the steps to the top of a diving rock overlooking a swimming pool] Otherwise, there could very well be a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Till death do us part". [takes off her sarong, dives into the water and swims]

Rachel Worth: We have to postpone the wedding.
Cam: No.
Rachel: Cam, we have no choice.
Cam: We're doing it. Just as we planned. Today.
Rachel: Why?
Cam: Because I have to be married by the time I'm 30.
Rachel: Sweetie, no, you don't.
Cam: When my grandmother died, she left me a $10 million trust fund. But there was a catch. She stipulated that I have to be married by my 30th birthday or I don't get the money.
Rachel: But why would she do something like that?
Cam: Gram was around long enough to see me go through my wild period. Let's just say she didn't exactly approve. She wanted me to settle down and make something of myself, which I did. Just after, she was gone. But there's still that clause in the will that I need to adhere to.
Rachel: Why didn't you tell me?
Cam: I was going to. I just... I didn't want you to think I was marrying you just so I can get my hands on the money. I'm marrying you because I love you, Rachel.
Sharon: Okay, that's really sweet, but what I wanna know is, what happens to the money if you don't get married?

Rachel: Kim. Oh, my God. It was you. You hired the stripper. And you made my first drink. You spiked it, which is why I was so out of it and can't remember anything! And someone would've had to record it. You actually made moans to make it look like it was actually happening, like I was awake and I was enjoying it?! And you were gonna to email it to Cam so he'd call off the wedding. And you would be next in line for the trust fund.
Cam: Kim, did you really murder this poor guy?
Kim: Poor guy? Poor guy? Oh, come on, Cam. Get off your high horse. Poor guy. He was just some sleazy stripper. Anyways, it was his own fault. No one was supposed to get hurt. But the bastard got greedy. He demanded half of the money, threatened to expose me to you and Rachel. So I just agreed to shut him up. But come on. I wasn't just gonna hand over $5 million to some lame fireman. So I made him the special cocktail that I made Rachel, and I kept him busy until it took effect. And I could handle this problem once and for all. But it turned out to be a much better plan than I anticipated. Because cheating is one thing, but accidentally killing a trick while making love the night before your wedding? Well, there's just no way that Cam was ever gonna say "I do". Not to her.
Rachel: No wonder you wanted to call the cops! You knew it looked bad for me.
Kim: I did what I had to do! I mean, we're talking $10 million here! It's not fair! Okay? I was the good girl! I went to Nana's house every Sunday! I remembered her birthdays; he didn't! I was the one that got straight A's! I was the good girl! But the bitch left it all to him! Thought he could change! But it wasn't the money that changed him, Rachel. It was you.
Rachel: Your little Frederick's of Hollywood number – was it preshrunk?
Kim: No.
[Rachel picks up a lemonade pitcher and dumps lemonade on Kim's head]
Rachel: Worst maid of honor ever.

Lilith: [still in her one-piece swimsuit and refreshed from swimming, her hair wet and her hand gently stroking the water] It's been said it's bad luck for a bride and groom to see each other before the wedding. Although, after the day they've had, I don't blame Rachel or Cam for throwing caution to the wind. As for lessons learned, it's an age-old question for women: Do you marry for love or for money? [chuckles] Luckily, though, for Rachel Worth, today she doesn't have to choose. Mahalo.

Visions, Part 1[edit]

Lilith: [in a magician's costume] Mentalism is a performing art whose practitioners demonstrate highly developed mental and intuitive abilities such as telepathy, clairvoyance and mind control. Foster Prentiss, the Amazing Mysterium, possesses no such skill. He is a complete and utter fraud. Unfortunately, there's nothing phony about murder. Foster will stop at nothing to get what he wants and must put on a performance of a lifetime. But maybe this time, the ruse is on him.

[Foster Prentiss hears a loud splash and he goes outside to investigate, only to find Jessica, in a black one-piece swimsuit, swimming in a pool]
Foster Prentiss: Can I help you?
Jessica: I think we can help each other. I hear you're looking for a new assistant. I've seen your act. You're very good. But you could be great with the right help.
Foster: Yeah, I'm not looking for any help. Thank you.
Jessica: I look fabulous in fishnets, and even better without them. Won't you consider letting me audition, or at least fetching me that towel?
[Foster Prentiss laughs. Several minutes later, Jessica is seducing Prentiss in bed]
Jessica: By the way, my name is Jessica.
Foster: Pleased to meet you, Jessica. [laughs]

[Foster Prentiss is stunned by the realization of what Violet MacReady did at the Cuesta Verde Hospital]
Foster: I don't know how this can be happening to me! I saw her! I saw what she did and I saw her kill a guy! She knows that I know. She knows I know. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do now? [yells at the top of his lungs] You just tell me what– [Jessica strikes Foster in the face] Bloody hell! You hit me?! Jeez, are you crazy?!!
Jessica: Calm the hell down! Nobody killed anybody. You didn't see anything. That was incredible! Whatever hell scam you're pulling is working! Did you see their faces out there? They're eating it up.
Foster: Yeah – no, no, it wasn't a scam. What I felt out there was real.
Jessica: Sure it was. But now... you gotta keep your eye on the prize. If we're gonna score any of that rich bitch's cash, she needs to believe that you can talk to her dead daughter. So get out there and finish the damn show.
Foster: Okay, okay. Yeah, okay.

Jessica: So the man you apparently saw is Jay Roma. He started Crazy Chixx. He was murdered a few months back, and his death was streamed on the Internet.
Foster: Why is this happening to me, though? That's what I don't understand.
Jessica: The other tart is Violet MacReady. She is a person of interest in two recent killings: one of a local, prestigious surgeon; the other – some two-bit gangbanger.
Foster: You know, I never thought this was possible. Why have I been given such a powerful gift?
Jessica: The question you should be asking yourself... is, how can we exploit it?
Foster: Exploit it?!
Jessica: Jeez! Do I have to spell everything out to you? Blackmail. You're already a fraud. What's another sin, or three?
Foster: You don't believe me, do you?
Jessica: [takes Foster's hand and holds it up to her face] Do you see anything interesting, swami?
Foster: [after receiving visions of what Jessica recently did, finally realizes the truth] You killed your boyfriend, set him up and sold his organs for spare parts!
Jessica: How did you...?! No one knows about that.
Foster: I told you, the visions are real, Jessica.
Jessica: You know what, Foster? I think we're gonna be really, really rich.

Visions, Part 2[edit]

Foster Prentiss: Firstly, of course, I would like to apologize for keeping you waiting so long. But I bet you're wondering what you're both doing here, right?
Violet MacReady: No kidding, Sherlock.
Prentiss: Well... you do have a temper on you, don't you? See, I invited you both here to give you a chance to move on with the rest of your life.
Tiffany: I'm so gone. [starts to leave]
Jessica: [stops Tiffany from leaving] Shut up and listen.
Prentiss: Yeah, I think you should listen to her. Or, of course, I could just call the authorities and tell them about Jay Roma.
Tiffany: Who?
Jessica: Don't be coy, darling. The world may not miss a smut peddler like that, but it still won't get you off with the cops. [turns to Violet] And you, Violet. You're not as sweet and innocent as you look, are you?
Foster: Ooh, someone messed with the wrong nurse. Eh, chica?
Violet: How do you know all this?
Foster: Because I'm the Amazing Mysterium! And I know all.
Violet: What do you want with us, Mr. Amazing?
Foster: What do I want? What could I possibly want? What could I want? How about... money! That's exactly what I want.
Violet: Well, you better take another look into your crystal ball, because I'm not an ATM. I'm broke.
Tiffany: And I'm still trying to pay off my student loans.
Violet: So you've got the wrong chica, ese.
Foster: [slams the table with his hand] Well, then you better find some money fast!! Both of you got 48 hours or the next time you sit down with somebody, it'll be with a public defender! [calms down] Why don't you just think about it a little bit, OK? Good afternoon, ladies. I hope you enjoy the show.

Tiffany: We haven't formally met. Tiffany.
Violet: Violet.
Tiffany: You've got incredible eyes, Violet.
Violet: Thanks. Nice dress, Wilma Flintstone. So, did you really kill that dirtbag Jay Roma?
Tiffany: Yeah.
Violet: Do you regret it?
Tiffany: Not for a minute.
Violet: I think we're going to get along swell.
Tiffany: BFFs.
Violet: Don't push it.

Tiffany: How'd you get this way?
Violet: What way?
Tiffany: You know what I'm talking about. We're one and the same, Violet. You weren't always like this. What happened?
Violet: I had a really bad day.
Tiffany: So, I've got a question, and you totally don't have to answer it if you don't want to. But what are you gonna do?
Lilith: You are going to make Foster Prentiss pay for what he did. That is what you are going to do.
Violet: I know you.
Tiffany: Well, I don't. How'd you get in here?
Lilith: I go by many names. But you can call me Lilith.
Tiffany: Are you getting blackmailed, too?
Lilith: No. But we have so much in common.
Violet: We were all blessed with great hair?
Lilith: Men in our pasts have wronged us.
Tiffany: What's this all about?
Lilith: It's very simple, actually. Foster Prentiss killed a girl once. And now you are going to kill Foster Prentiss. And in exchange for this task, you will never have to worry about anyone finding out your secrets again. You will be truly safe. And why the sad faces, girls? It's not like you haven't killed before.
Violet: So, what's one more dead jerk, right?
Lilith: Exactly.
Tiffany: Why don't you kill him, then?
Lilith: And not share the fun? [snaps her fingers and the doors open] Oh. You forgot to thank me for those tickets to the show. It's not like they arrived by magic, you know. Ta-ta!
Violet: So what do we do now?
Tiffany: I've got an idea, chica.

Tiffany: Anything?
Alexis: The only thing I can tell you about Lilith is that according to Jewish folklore, she left her husband, Adam, after she refused to become subservient to him. Although... Dr. Holly Brown writes: "The demonization of Lilith was designed to keep women alienated from their own power and spiritual authority." Now that's what I call girl power.
Tiffany: She was a demon?
Violet: She's Jewish?
Alexis: I don't know who this chick is, but it's obvious she knows way too much about us.
Tiffany: Lilith isn't the problem. Foster Prentiss is.
Alexis: Not for long.
Violet: I don't usually go around killing random dudes without a really good reason.
Alexis: The jerk threatened you. He's trying to extort you. He's obviously a total sleaze. What choice do you have?
Tiffany: What choice do we have?
[Alexis giggles]

Violet: The human body can survive three to five days without water. Payback's a bitch. But dehydration is even worse.

Lilith: [in a magician's costume] Imagine being murdered with no one the wiser. Only a grieving mother that held out fruitless hope that you were still alive. Imagine what you would do to get revenge and rest in peace. Now just imagine. And wouldn't you know it? They also found another body buried in the grave. I wonder whose?

Season 2[edit]

16 Minutes of Fame[edit]

Lilith: Welcome to The Hot House, where six celebrities with, shall we say, complicated histories live together in peace and harmony and resolve their issues like intelligent adults. Oh, that doesn't sound like much fun, does it? Perhaps rats on a sinking ship would be a much more accurate metaphor? Rats without access to cell phones or the Internet. No windows, and all the doors sealed shut, under lock and key, as it were. And we, the lucky viewers, get to watch them interact 24-7, as they try and figure out their, oh, so fascinating dilemmas. Unlike some other Reality TV shows, no one in this house was meant to get voted off. However, in the end, most of them did get eliminated. Where did it all go wrong? Perhaps we should start by meeting our housemates. Tina Hendricks. Famous for, well, being famous. Her father runs a movie studio, so she has access to all the A-list parties. Her line of face creams and body scrubs, Tina's Essence, was selling well, but her true claim to fame was – oh, you guessed it. A love tape. Lucky Starr. Cute, isn't he? With a velvet voice to go with that adorable face. Third runner up on Superstar USA. Lucky's debut album dropped last Spring, then kept on dropping to the bottom of the charts. Rumor has it Lucky was the one who leaked his one-night stand with Tina online. A guy's gotta do what he can to stay in the public eye. Roger Reynolds, star of another popular reality show called The Catch. Roger caused quite a scandal when he proposed to not one, but two women in the show's finale. And no, he's not Mormon, just indecisive. Roger was engaged again, three weeks later, to Tina. But they're no longer together. Bebe. No last name; just Bebe. She's our resident party girl. Mouthy, obnoxious, and rarely sober. In other words, a hero to millions with more Twitter followers than Charlie Sheen and Ashton K combined. And also the reason why Tina and Roger are no longer an item. Pecs, trainer to the stars and half of the world's passionate love story. The other half being himself. And there's a long waiting list for Pecs' services, known as Celebrity Boot Camp. Because he's known for his killer workout, bound to get any Hollywood starlet back in shape. And finally, Angel Tomlin, the serious actress. The artist with the single-minded goal to win an Oscar before she turns 30. She has a way to go. Her last credit was Eat and Run, a direct-to-DVD zombie movie that you may have had the good fortune to miss. So she's a little bit anxious to up her game. And to do that, an actress's first priority must be getting back into tip-top shape. You got all that? Good. Because things are really starting to heat up in The Hot House.

Lilith: Angel was right about one thing. Bebe is about to become more famous than ever, now that she has stolen Angel's juicy role as the lone survivor of a crazed killer. As for Angel, well, she's learned the difference between fame and infamy. Life is such a bitch that way. There's already a film about her in the works, and rumor has it Natalie Portman is ready to kill for the part. Perhaps she'll get another Oscar, or maybe that honor will go to her makeup artist.

Gun Twisted[edit]

Lilith: Guns have always had the power to arouse. They symbolize control, virility and gratification. They also go by many names. Maverick, Ice, Goose, Viper, Stinger, Slider, Tek and Heartbreaker. Loving a gun is a lot like loving a femme fatale. Both obsessions can lead you on a path to destruction.

Bart: A smart criminal sees the world a whole lot different than regular people. When I'm casing a joint, time slows down so much, it's like everything and everyone comes to a stop. Everything was just like you said, Laurie. The manager hires cute tellers. A good thing. Lookers don't risk getting killed. And the late afternoon guard is a gut-bucket slob. I'll bet you anything that loser never even practices with that cheap jack pistol they gave him. We can go out the rear exit and be in the alley in seconds. Standard issue digital camera with typical low resolution. So we can get away with simple disguises. And I saw your best pal, Sarah. And she's got "bitch" written all over her. All over her.

Trophy Wife[edit]

Lilith: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially when that woman is about to be replaced by a younger, deadlier version of herself. And for all the Botox, liposuction and skin treatments a desperate housewife could buy, money cannot turn back the clock. It is the inevitable, inexorable passage of time that changes the rules. So now, Veronica's playing a new game, a game of survival, a game that I call "Trophy Wife".

Lilith: Well, it looks like some scorned women aren't that furious after all. This one's for the first wives, for those women with the experience and the imagination younger women cannot even begin to know. For those women who know that love attraction isn't only to be found in soft, supple, young lips, smooth legs and perfectly sculpted bodies, but in the mind, in the psyche, in the darkest depths of your soul. As for Veronica and Gil, it really is one of nature's majestic wonders that two people, unique in their romantic depravity, have found one another, because after all, even psychopaths need love.

Extracurricular Activities[edit]

Lilith: When you're having an affair with another woman's husband, it's usually best not to do it directly under her nose. Institutions of higher learning have always been a hotbed of love activity. Teachers with teachers, students with students and the perennial favorite – teachers with students. Professor Kelsey Williams is about to discover that when you toy with an impressionable mind to get what you want, sometimes it proves impossible to stick to the lesson plan.

Tiffany: Professor Williams, do you have a moment? I'd like to run my paper topic by you. I've decided to write about Joan of Arc.
Kelsey Williams: Why?
Tiffany: Well, I can't really think of a stronger woman than Joan of Arc.
Kelsey: Please. She was insane. She heard voices in her head, and was burned at the stake at 16. If you want to write about a strong woman, find someone who used their brains to get what they wanted. Someone like... Cleopatra.
Tiffany: But Cleopatra didn't use her brains. She used love to get men to do her bidding. She's far less noble than Joan of Arc.
Kelsey: That's where you're wrong. Women throughout history have had to use whatever resources were available to take matters into their own hands and get what they wanted. Men have muscles; women have their loving personality. Cleopatra looked at her options at the time and did what she had to do. And that took brains.
Tiffany: I never thought of it that way.
Kelsey: Well, there's a lot that I could teach you.
Tiffany: By the way, that's a lovely scent you're wearing.

Vera Rutledge: I just can't tell you how disappointed I am in you both. The two of you have always been campus leaders. Right now, I'm dealing with overcrowded classrooms, tuition increases and the Cuesta Verde Conquistadors are going 0 for 12 this year. The last thing I need on my plate is a sorority love tape scandal. Girls! I can't get involved with this right now!
Alexis: We are so mortified, Dean Rutledge.
Tiffany: Don't worry. We'll take care of it.
Vera: Good. Now, I trust you ladies will handle this with the high standards that I've instilled in you in the last four years.
Tiffany: Of course.
Vera: Now, if you'll excuse me.

Kelsey Williams: Dean Rutledge?
Vera Rutledge: Kelsey!
Kelsey: I got your message.
Vera: Yes, I wanted to have a word with you. I wanted you to know that we've zeroed in on November 21st for the career fair, and I'm looking for volunteers to help coordinate the event.
Kelsey: Well, you can count on me.
Vera: Good.
Kelsey: Is there... anything else?
Vera: No. That'll be all. [Kelsey starts to walk away] There is... one more thing. [Kelsey turns around and faces Vera] I want you to stop screwing my husband.
Kelsey: I don't know what you mean.
Vera: Let's... not do this, shall we? I know it's you. I'm not surprised. Jake always had a thing for the sleazy sorority type. And you certainly fit the bill. Flouncing around campus like a ridiculous harlot with a penchant for cheap perfume.
Kelsey: You know, I don't have to take that from you.
Vera: Yes, you do. Because you know I have it in my power to destroy you, and I will... with pleasure if I even get a hint that you are still seeing my husband behind my back. Trust me, you won't be able to get a job teaching kids how to tie their shoes. Are we clear? Walk away, Kelsey. There's not a man around as far as I can see. Don't make me speak to you again. [turns around and walks away from Kelsey]

Tiffany: Hi, Professor Williams.
Kelsey Williams: What's happening?
Tiffany: [referring to Jake Rutledge] Oh, you didn't hear? They found evidence connecting him to his wife's murder.
Kelsey: What evidence?
Tiffany: The murder weapon. It was one of those night sticks that security guards use. They found traces of the Dean's blood, and the Professor's prints were all over it.
Kelsey: That's impossible.
Tiffany: He got it at Walmart. Security camera footage showed him buying it just days before the murder. Funny. He doesn't look like a murderer to me.

Lilith: Feminine wiles can be a tricky thing. When a woman uses love to get what she wants, she can easily turn a love-struck man into a dangerous weapon. Problem is, like any weapon, sometimes it can be turned against us. Unfortunately for Professor Kelsey Williams, she taught Chaz everything she knows.

Killer Instinct[edit]

Lilith: Davis Bennett just discovered that lethal things often come in pretty packages. But the lesson cost him his life. In this case, looks really can kill. As for Lauren Coleston, well, she's also about to learn something, which is that the life of a professional assassin is just as much about receiving pain as it is about dispensing it.

Bad Science[edit]

Lilith: We look in mirrors every day. The reflection back shows us what other people see. But it takes more than a mirror to see inside our souls. Matilda West has always been a force of nature, the type of woman who'll never back down from a challenge or take no for an answer. A woman who'll do almost anything to survive. But even someone as beautiful and brilliant and tough as Matilda will eventually meet her match in this world or the other.

Dark Matilda West: If everyone here is as naive as the three of you... in a few years, I'm gonna be running this dimension. [chuckles]

Family Business[edit]

Lilith: It was once said that love means never having to say that you're sorry. Apparently, the copywriter that coined the trite phrase has never actually been in love. For in fact, anyone who's ever been in love knows love means always having to say that you're sorry. Devlin Grant is a man who's about to be sorrier than he ever dreamed, and get more than he bargained for, in a battle in which the spoils of victory may very well be his own soul.

Jail Break[edit]

Lilith: Remember Rafe Daniels? He works as a prison guard at the Cuesta Verde women's penitentiary. Most of the guards there have a reputation worse than the inmates they're supposed to be watching. But not Rafe. No; Rafe has a warm heart and a burning desire for true love. Unfortunately, it's hard to meet a girl you can take home to mother, when you work in a prison. It's definitely not a singles mixer. And the last time Rafe tried romancing a girl at work, well, let's just say he wound up with a real backstabber. One would've thought, after all that drama, Rafe would've learned his lesson. Oh, but it's not easy to ignore what the heart wants. And given all the evidence, stolen money, a gun, and at least one very dead body, well, one might assume that he is under the spell of yet another femme fatale.

Rafe Daniels: Dear Warden Jefferies, it has been an honor working for you at the Cuesta Verde Women's Correctional Facility for the last four years. However, recent events have taken such an emotional toll on me; I have decided it would be in my best interest to take a break from this line of work, at least temporarily. So it is with a heavy heart that I submit this letter of resignation, effective immediately. I will always have the utmost respect for you, sir, and wish you and your family only the best. Sincerely, Rafe Daniels.

Crazy Mary[edit]

Lilith: Poor Mary Mason. She's just can't seem to catch a break. All she wants is her old life back. With a happy home and a man that loves her and keep her safe and warm. Oh, but there is no safety when you're a lamb in a den full of wolves. Especially when everybody thinks that you're crazy. You may think things couldn't get any worse for our little daydreamer. Well, that's where you'd be wrong. Here at the Cuesta Verde Institute for the criminally insane, things are about to get, for the lack of a better word, a little nuts.

Lilith: Looks like Crazy Mary's adventures are just beginning. If you should ever happen to cross her path, I suggest you be very, very nice to her.

One Man's Death[edit]

Lilith: Todd Voight is a very lucky man. Successful, handsome and loved by two beautiful women. But tonight his luck runs out. He leaves two women mourning his death and discovering his secrets. All of his secrets.

Hell Hath No Furies[edit]

Lilith: [in a Christmas outfit] It looks like Lydia Gonzales's pleas for mercy have gone unheeded. Lydia did try and warn the judge that El Jefe could reach her, no matter where she would hide, and now, her warning is about to be proven all too true. It appears that Lydia Gonzales and the men and women of Cuesta Verde Precinct 13 are about to have a very, very bad Christmas. [chuckles]


Lilith: It could be argued that there is a fine line between fantasy and reality. Dimitri Uzi Olesky just won his war against the Ryan mob. Oh, and he paid a very heavy price to do it. But all's fair in love and war, and for now, he is the undisputed crime boss of Cuesta Verde. Ironically, boss Olesky will pay for his sins, but retribution will come from a place he least expects it, for in the end, the scales of justice always tip one way or another.

Max Bailey: Where am I, lady?
Libra: The name's not "Lady". It's Libra.
Max: Okay, nice to meet you, um... Libra. My name is Max–
Libra: Max Bailey. I know. I've had Olesky's place under surveillance for weeks.
Max: Are you a cop?
Libra: You never know. But mostly just a concerned citizen. Same as you.
Max: That's the first time anyone's ever called me that.
Libra: Your father worked for Olesky. They were partners until Olesky cut him out of the business. When your father started to talk, Olesky had him killed. [removes her mask] You want revenge... just like I do. But instead of wearing a mask, you're helping the police. You're looking for Olesky's mole in Special Investigations.
Max: Yeah; Do you know who that is?
Libra: [removes her utility belt and drops it on the floor] Not yet.
Max: Look, I need to report in. Tomorrow night Olesky's having a sit-down with the other bosses.
Libra: That's right. [removes her evening gloves] I plan on being there.
Max: Who are you? I mean, nobody names their kid "Libra".
Libra: We're on the same team, Max. We just wear different uniforms. [stares Max in the face] Do I frighten you?
Max: Isn't that the idea?
Libra: There's a reason you should be frightened of me. [removes her costume and reveals her body to Max] Before, I was just a woman. But gangsters aren't scared by women. They use them, exploit them, manipulate them. But Libra... she's a symbol. Someone that they can't bribe, scare or seduce. And the scales of justice always tip in Libra's favor. But right now, I'm not Libra. I'm just a woman.
Max: You're beautiful.
Libra: Thank you, Max Bailey. [kisses Max on the lips] So what do you know about Libras? Hmm?
Max: Ask me later.
Libra: Uh-huh.
Max: I'm still learning.
Libra: Yeah? Well... for one, we loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity. But we believe in compassion and compromise.
Max: Doesn't sound like you.
Libra: You know what else? We like to be touched.
Max: Oh.
Libra: That leg isn't gonna give you trouble now, is it?
Max: No, I'll manage.
Libra: That's what I thought.

Max: You thought I wouldn't know where you were going?
Libra: You shouldn't be here.
Max: Neither should you. Being anywhere near Olesky right now is a very bad idea.
Libra: Yeah, and you need to let me be. Let me take him down.
Max: Are you trying to get yourself killed? You try and get in there, and you're dead. Libra is a fictional comic book character. Somehow, I don't think the author based his stories on your real-life exploits. You're not Libra.
Libra: He let my mother die. Some kidnappers took her for some easy score. They tried to ransom her back. $5 million. They wanted $5 million. Pocket change for my father. He told them to go screw themselves. Refused to pay a dime. Cops found her a couple of days later – raped and mutilated. We had to have a closed casket. He didn't even come to the funeral – too busy seducing one of his harlots.
Max: You're Anya Olesky?
Libra: No. I'm Libra. And these streets are mine. And tonight, Dimitri Olesky will pay for the blood that he has spilled.

Angel Tomlin: The play's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king. Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act II. We are going to take this to Broadway. Shakespeare Undressed. And then... I'd like to thank the Academy. It is such an honor to accept this award on behalf of everyone involved in Shakespeare Undressed. I am especially indebted to Sir Patrick Stewart for his guidance and his support. Thank you.

Max: Well, you got your revenge. I guess we both did. Now what?
Libra: It's not about us anymore. There's a lot of people suffering in Cuesta Verde. People who have no one to help them. Cuesta Verde needs a symbol. A champion for the oppressed.
Max: You know anyone for the job?
Libra: I might.
Max: That was a rhetorical question.
Libra: I can't do this all by myself. I need a Robin.
Max: A Robin? Your very own Boy Wonder? I don't think so.
Libra: Ah, come on. You'd look hot in tights.
Max: We'll see, Anya.
Libra: The name's Libra, and these streets are mine.

Lilith: We all wear masks – sometimes for fun and other times for disguise or protection. Some masks are steel. Some are satin. Some are silk, and some are leather. They're the faces of a stranger, but we love to try them on. Hopefully, you'll find one that is a perfect fit. Anya Olesky did.


Main Cast[edit]

Notable Guest Stars[edit]

  • Ariauna Albright as Dream Woman
  • Ana Alexander as Camille Gardner
  • Sadie Alexandru as Janelle
  • Crystal Allen as Rhonda Temple
  • Mark A. Altman as the Voice of the Desk Clerk
  • Catherine Annette as Tiffany
  • Domiziano Arcangeli as Chaka
  • Scott Bailey as Greg Cooper
  • Carlee Baker as Beth Odets
  • Cameron Bender as Tom Lomax
  • Daniel Bess as Logan Cale
  • Ryan Bittle as Archie Beecham
  • Philip Boyd as Nick
  • Walker Brandt as Amy
  • J.C. Brandy as Maxine
  • Tiffany Brouwer as Holly Brown
  • David Bygrave as Boyfriend
  • Daniel Capellaro as Todd Voight
  • Tina Casciani as Barbara
  • Jeffrey Combs as the Voice of the Interrogator
  • Rick Copp as Richard Hollis / Teacher
  • Ellie Cornell as Detective Janet Wright
  • Mark Costello as Detective Mitchum
  • Marc Crumpton as Foster Prentiss
  • Stephanie Danielson as Emily
  • Kristen DeLuca as Beverly Dietrich
  • Asher Deva as Ricardo
  • James Devoti as Cam
  • Andrew Dickler as R.J.
  • Casper Van Dien as Joe Hallenbeck
  • Danica Dillon as Caroline / Virginia
  • Charles Divins as Dr. Troy
  • Christine Donlon as Violet MacReady
  • Sean Douglas as Pressman
  • Daphnée Duplaix as Alexis
  • Madison Dylan as Alexis
  • Kiko Ellsworth as Detective Carter Judson
  • John Enos III as Gil Flood
  • Jeff Fahey as Detective McAllister
  • Tammy Felice as Kim
  • Gigi Feshold as Bebe
  • Chanon Finley as Lisa Bannion
  • Jon Fleming as Aaron
  • Raymond Forchion as Judge Aldrich
  • Bren Foster as Howard
  • Vivica A. Fox as Dean Vera Rutledge
  • Kyle Gass as Willoughby Flagler
  • Carrie Genzel as Dr. Marlowe
  • Diana Gettinger as Laurie
  • Paul Green as Marvin Widmark
  • Anne Lee Greene as Kendra Banks
  • Ian Gregory as Charles McKendrick
  • Nikki Griffin as Nicole Ryan
  • Dean Haglund as Kip
  • Ashley Hamilton as Devlin Grant
  • Steve Richard Harris as Lex
  • Jules Hartley as Molly Trevor
  • Reggie Hayes as Kevin Freeman
  • Erin Marie Hogan as Emily
  • Neil Hopkins as Charles Solomon
  • Stacy Stas Hurst as Jessica
  • Adam Huss as Max Bailey
  • Heidi James as Big Aggie
  • Andray Johnson as Uniform Cop #1
  • Preston Jones as Aaron
  • Tom Kirlin as Guard
  • Kerry Knuppe as Daphne
  • Joe Kraemer as Officer Taylor
  • Steve Kriozere as Doctor
  • Robert LaSardo as Laz Swan
  • William Gregory Lee as Jimmy
  • Kimo Leopoldo as Bodyguard
  • Christian Levantino as Pete Green
  • Crystle Lightning as Candela
  • Vedette Lim as Agent Pam
  • Scott Logan as Jake Rutledge
  • Sierra Love as Isabella Cregar
  • Kate Luyben as Mary Mason
  • Jes Macallan as Susan Voight
  • Stephen Macht as Leland Ryan
  • Jordan Madley as Rachel Worth
  • Janelle Marra as Gloria
  • Michael Masini as Chris Gunden
  • Brady Matthews as Chris Wade
  • Paul Mazursky as Warden Jeffries
  • Sandra McCoy as Professor Kelsey Williams
  • Geoff Meed as O'Brien
  • Cristin Michele as Cynthia
  • Mirtha Michelle as Lauren Coleston
  • Anya Monzikova as Darla McKendrick
  • Nikki Moore as Abigail Strauss
  • Chris Mulkey as Bendix Darby
  • Isaiah Mustafa as Raven
  • Jo Newman as Jess Russell
  • Ashley Noel as Matilda West / Dark Matilda West
  • Charlie O'Connell as Jay Roma
  • Ho-Sung Pak as Superstar Assassin (aka The Ghost) / Fight Trainer
  • Melissa Paulo as Erida
  • Moniqua Plante as Sara
  • Robert Picardo as Hieronymus Hawks
  • Will Poston as Rafe Daniels
  • Shani Pride as Tatiana
  • Nick Principe as Killer
  • Tara Radcliffe as Joanne Terranova
  • Paul Rae as Guard
  • Steve Railsback as Dr. Daniel Duryea
  • Geoff Reeves as Steve Mason
  • Arloa Reston as Sharon
  • Makinna Ridgway as Angelica
  • Jennifer Roa as Norma Swanson
  • Eric Roberts as David Bannion
  • Tobi Rodriguez as Lucky Starr
  • Annie Ruby as Susan
  • Betsy Rue as Libra
  • Joel Rush as Pecs
  • Joe Sabatino as Iggy Bacardi
  • Antonio Sabàto Jr. as Bart
  • Leilani Sarelle as Veronica Flood
  • Bryan Sato as Kentaro
  • Donna W. Scott as Alicia Ryan
  • Angus Scrimm as Dr. Chandler
  • Scheana Shay as Angel Tomlin
  • Justin Shilton as Robinson McGraw
  • Mark Simich as Davis Bennett
  • Aiden Simko as Chaz
  • Joe Slaughter as Roger Reynolds
  • Melissa Soso as Girl coming out of the elevator
  • Hollie Stenson as Abby
  • Robin Sydney as Lindsey
  • Colin Tary as Andy
  • Jennifer Thompson as Ace's New Girl
  • Diana Elizabeth Torres as Lydia Gonzales / El Jefe
  • Elena Tovar as Elena Machado
  • Tyson Turrou as Doug
  • Tiffany Tynes as Tina Hendricks
  • Ilia Volok as Dimitri Uzi Olesky
  • Jasmine Waltz as Tara
  • Christopher Warner as Detective Brody
  • Drew Waters as Robert Burke
  • Charlie Weber as Ace
  • Kit Willesee as Lacey Rivers
  • Jason Wishnov as Man on Couch

External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: