Fletch Lives

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Fletch Lives, also known as Fletch 2, is a 1989 comedy film starring Chevy Chase. It was directed by Michael Ritchie, with a screenplay by Leon Capetanos based on the character created by Gregory Mcdonald. Fletch Lives was released by Universal Pictures. It is a sequel to the 1985 film, Fletch.


  • (narrating) All I needed now was a computer. And a ten year old kid to teach me how to use it.
  • Becky was a good girl and didn't need to be spanked... dammit.
  • It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. I am NOT a big man.
  • (narrating) The Reverend Farnsworth was Becky's father, but I wasn't going to hold that against her. If I was going to hold anything against her, it wouldn't be her father.
  • (narrating) Figuring out that the guy who dropped my watch in the swamp was the same guy who stole it at the morgue didn't take Sherlock Holmes... Larry Holmes could've figured that one out.
  • I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it.
  • What can I do to y- for you?
  • "I was on my gazebo, on the roof, making some repairs, and I was struck by lightning...and I've had migraine headaches and blurred vision ever since then but praise the Lord that was my lucky day because ever since then, I've had the healing power. Amen, God bless you. Thank you very much. Good night. Yes? What happened? Yes?
  • I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State.
  • They multiply by masturbation.
  • I've been foolishly squandering my salary on food and heat.
  • Scum! Scum! Scum! Go back to where you're from!
  • These walls are deplaning at an alarming rate!
  • You shouldn't wear so much eye shadow. It makes you look cheap.
  • (narrating) The morgue proved to be a dead end. But I guess it is for most people.
  • (narrating) When I got back, there was a cozy fire in the fireplace...and on the roof, and on the porch. It was great.
  • (narrating) Over the years, I found Mr. Underhill's credit card to be a useful tool, much like Underhill himself.
  • (narrating) I never liked guns, especially when they're pointed at me.
  • Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee Schwartz.
  • KKK Leader: Folks ain't home. Cross won't burn. Hell, it ain't like it used to be.
  • Announcer: Let's welcome our guest healer Mr. Claude Henry Smoot.


Sheriff: Was y'all usin any kinna drugs you brought in from Califor'ny by any chance?
Fletch: Just some beaujolais.
Sheriff: Beaujolais?
Fletch: It's a very popular drug. Made from grapes.
Sheriff: Well, I see you just wanna make it hard on everybody ... maybe you'd feel better after some time in tha Tank. Y'all come.
Fletch: All of us?
Sheriff: Just you.
Fletch: What's the charge?
Sheriff: Pissin' me off.
Fletch: Is that a felony or a misdemeanor?
Sheriff: That's it!

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicapped person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.

Fletch: What do you mean, toxic waste?
Frank: Well, it's some special stuff. There's only eleven places in the country that makes this shit.
Fletch: Where?... Frank, just give me the ones that aren't in New Jersey.
Frank: Uh, there's only one.

Fletch: (flirting) Hey Betty, how about lunch at the In N' Out Burger?
Betty Dilworth: (disgusted) No.
Fletch: Okay, forget the burger, how about just the In N' Out?
(she sneers at him)
Fletch: OK, how about just the In?

(Fletch, dressed as a nerdy businessman, has walked into a biker bar)
Fletch: Name's Ed... Ed Harley.
Joe Jack: Ed... you sure you're in the right place?
Fletch: I think so!
Joe Jack: (mocking) Think so!
(all laugh)
Joe Jack: Ed...
Joe Jack: What are you doing in here?
Fletch: I'll give you a hint... Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
(all stare)
Fletch: You don't get it?
Joe Jack: (grabs Fletch) No, Ed... you're the one that doesn't get it.
Fletch: Ed HARLEY. Harley-Davidson Motorcycles!
Joe Jack: (shocked) You own the company?
Fletch: Well, my granddaddy started it, then my Daddy screwed Davidson out of his half, and now I own the whole thing.
Joe Jack: (really shocked) Harley-Davidson, no shit?
Fletch: No shit!
Joe Jack: (smiling broadly) Hey, everybody! Ed the Third here owns Harley-Davidson! We're the Nazis from Natchez!
:(all cheer, embrace Fletch) 

Doorman: Name?
Fletch: Ah...Irwin M Fletcher. Irwin Mahatma Fletcher.
Doorman: Address?
Fletch: 7.

Man on Computer: Who are you?
Fletch: Hello, I'm Peter Lemon-Jello and they told me to tell you your house is on fire.
Man on Computer: Thank you!! Good bless you!!
Fletch: (to himself) Thank you for believing this shit!

Fletch: It's a championship Laker watch.
Cindy Mae: Oh, are you a Laker?
Fletch: I used to date one - only thing I have to remember him by.

Cindy Mae: (Turbulence) Oh Lord, what was that?
Fletch: We just clipped a Piper Cub. Pilot's okay, I just saw him parachuting.

Calculus Entropy: How do you do? I be Calculus Entropy, you be Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher?
Fletch: I be Fletch, Geometry Fletch. She be Miss Trigonometry Ross.

Calculus Entropy: Our families go back for hundreds of years - your great-grandparents owned my great-grandparents and that's how it all started.
Fletch: You ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
Calculus Entropy: Well I heard something about it, but I don't recall exactly. It didn't get too much publicity around these here parts.
Fletch: I'll bet.

Calculus Entropy: Should I be doing anything?
Fletch: No, not really, um... as soon as you get that trunk upstairs and have finished your nap I guess you could fix that step and jump down, turn around and pick a bale of cotton. And while I'm gone see to it Miss Scarlet stays away from the Union army will you?

Ben Dover: Take your pants off.
Fletch: I don't even know your name.
Ben Dover: Bend over.
Fletch: Ben? Nice to meet you, Victor Hugo.

Fletch: What're you in for?
Ben Dover: Molesting a dead horse.
Fletch: Well..I can't see what's so wrong with that.....did the horse object?

Calculus Entropy: Guess you'll be movin' in with me.
Fletch: Thanks, Cal. Look at the bright side. You won't have to bother dusting anymore.

Hamilton "Ham" Johnson: So tragic when this happens to somebody so young and healthy. Was she feeling alright last night?
Fletch: She felt great to me.

Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: You don't suppose I used too many photographs of myself do you?
Fletch: No, no. Worked for the Ayatollah.

Old Fella: You're cute! What's your name little lady?........
Fletch: Peggy Lee, Peggy Lee Zorba.

Guard: Sir this is a restricted area!
Fletch: I'm happy for ya, most people live in terrible neighborhoods.

Supervisor: And you are?
Fletch: I. R. Pissed!

Sheriff: You care ta make a statement?
Fletch: (Sighs) Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

Southern Belle: (to Fletch) They sure do love you Colonel.
Fletch: (looking at her bosom) And I love them, too!

Cindy Mae: What did you say your name was?
Fletch: Nostradamus.
Cindy Mae: Nostra Damus? I love the Fightin' Irish.

Real Estate Agent: I can see you're disappointed.
Fletch: No, not at all. A little speckling and some napalm and this place could make a nice mausoleum.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: