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Girlfriends (2000–2008) is an American sitcom created by Mara Brock Akil and produced by Kelsey Grammer. The show's original premise centered around the lives of four African American women in Los Angeles, California. A spin-off, The Game, premiered in 2006.

Unidentified Episode[edit]

[Doorbell rings]
Toni: [pregnant] If that's you mama it's open, if not, I've got a gun.

Toni: I'm actually looking forward to the visit. I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant, but I could actually use a little mommy and me time.
Joan: We are still talking about the same Veretta Childs who embarasses you by wearing a polyester pant-suit and asking for the early-bird special at Spago right?
Toni: Yea, I know it's odd but I feel like being babied before I have this baby. Of course... Veretta never was a story time, tucking in momma, being narcasistic, crazy drunk and all. Aw mamma, good times.

Todd: You spent $2500 on shoes and playing meilleur casino?
Toni: Boots, Todd. I'm not crazy.

[Maya is accusing Darnell of cheating on her with his co-worker at the airport]
Maya: Joan said she saw you down at the airport with some woman.
Darnell: And if Joan had stayed there she would have seen me down there with a lot of women... that didn't come out right.

Joan: My mother always said, "When love runs out on you, God sends you love's equivalent... or better."
Toni: I thought she said, "When you run out of love's lubricant, use butter."
Joan: What?
Toni: What? Your momma does mumble. And we both know she's a freak.

Darnell: We're just not clicking the way we used to.
Maya: Maybe we should pray about it.
Darnell: What?
Maya: A family that prays together, stays together.
Darnell: All right, you pray, I'm going to bed.
Maya: Baby, be angry at me. Don't be angry at the Lord.

[reciting a poem to make the girls forgive him for something he did]
William: This Charlie can't fly without his angels.

Toni: [on converting to Judaism] I'm already on standby for heaven as it is. I'm not straying from the path I've chosen.

Maya: Thanks for watching my little man, Toni.
Toni: No problem. Jamal is a very wise young man.
Maya: Toni, his name is Jabari.
Toni: But he looks like a Jamal.

Toni: [referring to Maya's son Jabari] I'm waiting, Ju ju bee.

Toni: [referring to Maya's son Jabari] We all love Gymboree.

Toni: Where's my phone sheet?
Shelby Girard: On your zip disk.
Toni: Nuh-uh, I don't zip-a-dee-do that. I want my phone sheet on paper.
Shelby: Has Enron taught you nothing?

Toni: Shelby, I want my employees to show some initiative but only when I tell them to.

Maya: See, Joan, I told you. Actors aren't smart... and they steal... Winona Ryder... I rest my case.

Maya: [recounting story of Jabari as a newborn] Let's just say LA Transit gets a bad rap. Because they do return lost items.
Toni: You left Jingle-Jangle on the bus?
Maya: No! I left Jingle-Jangle at the bus stop.

Toni: Maya, how'd you get so smart?
Maya: Oh, girl, I'm an authoress. I gots to know stuff.
Toni: I guess you don't "gots" to know grammar.
Maya: At least I didn't miss my baby's first doctor's appointment!
Toni: At least I didn't leave my baby on the bus!
Maya: Bus stop! Get it right, bitch.

Toni: Hey, Jolly Rancher.
Jabari: It's Jabari!
Toni: Why is he yelling at me in gibberish?

Susan Park: So... lunch?
Maya: Yeah.
Susan : Soho?
Maya: I said yeah, bitch!
Susan : Okay, you know what? I'm just trying to do my job, I'm trying to meet your needs, and the needs of this damn company. I love your book, and I don't know why you feel the need to come in and attack me.
Maya: What did I do to you?
Susan : You called me a bitch.
Maya: You called me a ho!
Susan : OK... Soho is a neighborhood.

Maya: Jabari, I said get up and take out the trash now.
Jabari: [mumbling] What, are your legs broke?
Maya: No, but your ass is about to be!

Maya: [Talking to Toni] Kiss is a noun and a verb, so you can either give my ass a kiss or kiss my ass!

Maya: [to Lynn] If you keep eating my Christmas cookies,I will slap you into a silent night!

Joan: It looks like he got this stuff from the side of the road.
Lynn: Hey! That's where I got my loveseat!

Lynn: So, Maya asked you to be on her panel too Toni?
Toni: Did you not hear me say a panel of successful black women?
Lynn: Hmm, I wonder why she didn't ask me.
Toni: Did you not hear me say a panel of successful black women?
Lynn: So what am I? The loser who has nothing to say?
Toni: If you wanna sugarcoat it.

Lynn: [to Donna upon seeing how Joan & William act when planning a Cinco de Mayo celebration] Oh my God, I think this calls for a diabetic coma; hand me your creme brulee!

Tammy: I'd rather intern at a smaller, agency, where I could really be mentored by someone.
Toni: So now you're asking me for a job?
Tammy: Unpaid.
Toni: Even though I said don't come to this seminar asking me for a job?
Tammy: You also said don't take 'no' for an answer. Look, I can do this. I'm smart, I'm resourceful, and I'll be damned if I'm goin back to Bakersfield.
Toni: Okay, so you're showin a house, it has creaky floors.
Tammy: Original hardwoods.
Toni: Unpermitted addition?
Tammy: Bonus room.
Toni: Rats in the walls?
Tammy: Perfect for cat-lovers.
Toni: There is no internship at Coldwell Banker is there?
Tammy: Not for me.
Toni: See, you can't play me, cause I will always catch you. And if my mother calls?
Tammy: You're out of the country.
Toni: Be at my office at 9! [shakes hands with Tammy and walks away while giving her a shifty look]


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