Girls Will Be Girls

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Girls Will Be Girls is a 2003 comedy film about three women struggling in the entertainment business.

Written and directed by Richard Day.
An actress is nothing without a meaty part.


  • [placidly dusts framed photos, suddenly drops one] FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!
  • When that doctor walked in my fear melted like ... snow in a ... melter.
  • [after her third dog dies] Oh, COME ON!


  • [puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on] Hello, gorgeous!
  • So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker!
  • You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pants.
  • [in her movie Asteroid] Accordin' to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes!
  • I AM woman! ERA now!


  • [glancing down at beeper] Oh, fooey, I'm going to be late for my love game!
  • Thank you, sir! My pimp and I appreciate your business!
  • Feelings are like treasures, so bury them.


Opening Song: Some say women should know their place. We say we're half the human race!
Magazine Ad: Once a Week Diapers: they grow up too fast already!
Hospital Voice: Cleanup in ICU.
Newspaper: Study: Retards Will Believe Anything.
Bizzy Gals Ad: If you're like me, your days are jammed packed with activity. It seems that no sooner am I done watching my programs than a new magazine arrives! And suddenly, boom, it's naptime! That's why I'm so grateful for new Bizzy Gal's Dinner's Ready. You keep Bizzy Gal right in your cabinets; no more lugging open that heavy freezer door. And the exhausting chore of reheating — a thing of the past! Bizzy Gal meals are treated with Nutri-Dation which renders them chemically unstable in a way that feels just like heat in your mouth! All they'll know is: it tastes great! Bizzy Gal Dinner's Ready is sold as a novelty item and is not intended for human consumption. Side effects of ingestion can include cancer, bleeding, enlargement of the heart, and second-degree burns along the rectal cavity resulting in irreversible incontinence.


Evie: Jesus, I wish someone could tell me how to just once wake up without a splitting headache!
Coco: You could drink less.

Coco: What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house?
Evie: I'm sorry, have I been staring?
Coco: I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids.
Evie: Oh, Coco, it's not too late. [Coco smiles] I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun.
Coco: It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag."
Evie: This new roommate will cheer you right up!
Coco: I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket.
Evie: Coco, she came by and she was a peach.
Coco: Were you drunk?
Evie: It was 12 noon! Of course I was drunk.

Varla: Hello! You must be Yoo-Hoo.
Coco: [correcting her] Coco.

Coco: Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became ... with child. And I had ... a procedure.
Evie: That's your big secret? An abortion?!
Coco: Have you had one?
Evie: Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!

Varla: Did you know her [Varla's mother]?
Evie: Goodness, yes! We were ... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself.
Coco: Evie!
Evie: Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away.
Varla: Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so ... I have so many questions. What was she like?
Coco: Very sweet.
Evie: Uh-huh. And a big pothead!
Coco: Evie!
Evie: LOVED cock!
Coco: EVIE!

Laurent: My apologies for being so bold but ... when I see the best, I have to have it.
Varla: Well you know, a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota.
Laurent: This is not a problem if the Maserati will take its driver where he wants to go.
Varla: Maseratis don't do anal!

Evie: Oh, oops, um ... [points at Varla, trying to remember her name]
Varla: Varla.
Evie: Varla! This is my son ... [points at Stevie]
Stevie: Stevie.

Evie: Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too! That guy who hit us gave me his number!
Stevie: He had to, ma. It's the law.
Evie: Well did he have to flirt with me while we waited for the cops?
Stevie: He said, "Look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse."
Evie: It was more in his body language!

Laurent: See that girl at the bar? [points to a woman who is groping a man] She is a whore.
Varla: How can you tell?
Laurent: Whores are sexy. Know why?
Varla: Because it's their job?

Evie: I'm glad I could coax you over. At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit ... strange.
Jeff: Why, cause you're so old?

Jeff: You know Mary Tyler Moore!?
Evie: Oh, very well! We did Night of a Thousand Stars together! Funny story: she has diabetes.

Coco: Evie, have you ever been on morphine?
Evie: Once, when I had my eyes done. Then every day for 10 years after that.

Stevie: Mom, no one will hire you!
Evie: Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go.
Coco: Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed.
Stevie: I think you know.
Evie: My attitude?
Stevie: No.
Evie: My drinking?
Stevie: No.
Evie: Chronic lateness?
Stevie: No.
Evie: Never learned my lines?
Stevie: No.
Evie: The kleptomania?
Stevie: No.
Evie: I spread disease?
Stevie: No!
Evie: Then what?!
Stevie: That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass?
Evie: It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard!


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