Harry Graham (poet)

Harry Graham

Jocelyn Henry Clive "Harry" Graham (23 December 1874 – 30 October 1936) was an English writer. He was a successful journalist and later, after distinguished military service, a leading lyricist for operettas and musical comedies. He is now best remembered as a writer of humorous verse in the tradition of grotesquerie and black humour, exemplified by the verses of W. S. Gilbert and Hilaire Belloc, in his "Ruthless Rhymes."

Quotes

• What hours I spent of precious time,
  What pints of ink I used to waste,
  Attempting to secure a rhyme
  To suit the public taste,
  Until I found a simple plan
  Which makes the lamest lyric scan!

  When I’ve a syllable de trop,
  I cut it off, without apol.:
  This verbal sacrifice, I know,
  May irritate the schol.;
  But all must praise my dev’lish cunn.
  Who realise that Time is Mon.

  • Poetical economy, Lines 1-12

A Macaronic Poem

Kaiser Wilhelm II, visiting Brussels, spoke at length with Baron de Haulleville, Director of the Congo Museum, in French, German and English. Harry Graham imagined their conversation.

• "Guten Morgen, mon ami!
  Heute ist es schönes Wetter!
  Charmé de vous voir ici!
  Never saw you looking better!"
  • Lines 1-4

• "Ich muss cherchez mon hôtel.
  What a charming Schwätzerei, sir!
  Lebe wohl! Adieu! Farewell!
  Vive le Congo! Hoch der Kaiser!"
  • Lines 13-16

Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes (1899)

• Billy, in one of his nice new sashes,
  Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes;
  Now, although the room grows chilly,
  I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.
  • Tender-Heartedness

• When Grandmamma fell off the boat,
  And couldn’t swim, and wouldn’t float,
  Maria just sat by and smiled -
  I almost could have slapped the child!
  • Indifference

• Weep not for little Leonie,
  Abducted by a French Marquis!
  Though loss of honour was a wrench,
  Just think how it's improved her French.
  • Compensation

• O'er the rugged mountain's brow
  Clara threw the twins she nursed,
  And remarked, "I wonder now
  Which will reach the bottom first?"
  • Calculating Clara

• That morning, when my wife eloped
  With James, our chauffeur, how I moped!
  What tragedies in life there are!
  I'm dashed if I can start the car.
  • Tragedy

• When Baby's cries grew hard to bear
  I popped him in the Frigidaire.
  I never would have done so if
  I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff.
  My wife said: 'George, I'm so unhappé!
  Our darling's now completely frappé!
  • L'Enfant Glacé

• Uncle, whose inventive brains
  kept evolving aeroplanes,
  fell from an enormous height
  upon my garden lawn last night.
  Flying is a fatal sport,
  uncle wrecked the tennis court.
  • Uncle

• "There's been an accident!" they said,
  "Your servant's cut in half; he's dead."
  "Indeed!" said Mr Jones, "and please
  Give me the half that's got my keys."
  • Accident